


the greatest thing i ever did was believe

by sodelicate



Series: how to be human: a guide for genetically-engineered superhumans [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Genetically Engineered Beings, Getting Together, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychic Bond, Superpowers, Violence, haru's parents are terrible people in this, kinda established makoharu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-06-30 14:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 283,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodelicate/pseuds/sodelicate
Summary: “And so, the days went on. Haru was starting to feel like maybe hecouldbe normal after all, and not the weapon he was supposed to become. Swimming with Nagisa and Makoto, both of whom had not mentioned anything about the incident at the lab since that fateful day, made him feel like he was finally free to control his life as he pleased.But two weeks later, two tall Australian men showed up at his front door, and Nanase Haruka learned that destiny possessed a far stickier grip than he had initially given it credit for.”Or: AU where everything is the same except Haru is a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid, and freedom is nothing more than a cruel illusion for a boy whose time left with his friends is limited by a contract with the shady organisation that made him this way.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this fic can be read as a standalone, so you don't need to read the other fic in this series ['the bravest thing i ever did was run'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18584545) to enjoy this! but if you have watched/read _Run with the Wind_ , then i highkey recommend reading _'the bravest thing'_.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years ago, Nanase Haruka let his parents strap him down in a medical bed and administer drugs in him that makes his body numb and mind hazy like it was the most normal thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: some violence towards children but they get better for the most part.

There is this old adage Haru’s grandma liked to recite to him when she was still alive: “When you're ten, they call you a prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. But when you're twenty, you're just an ordinary human.”

 _Twenty, huh?_ Haru sinks down in the tub, head and shoulders fully submerged, as if doing that could allow him to hide from his fate. _I have another three years before I'm supposed to become normal._

_I wish I had that much time. But I’ll never get a chance to be ordinary, because in two years’ time…_

He stares at the water. The water stares back. It’s the only thing he knows will not ever change, no matter who or where he is.

_I will be gone._

* * *

Five years ago, Nanase Haruka let his parents strap him down in a medical bed and administer drugs in him that makes his body numb and mind hazy like it was the most normal thing in the world. There was no need for any further explanation—it’s just the way his life was. 

The experiments, as usual, went by in a blur he barely felt through the drugs. He could almost fall asleep like this, if it weren't for the vaguely uncomfortable rushing of power through him, altering his body. He didn't care, though. This was just another day of experiments, and after that he would get to swim, just like on any other ordinary day.

That was, until three people who should absolutely _not_ know where this place was burst in, looking for all the world like a band of wannabe kid heroes. With the drugs clouding his mind, Haru struggled to name them. Olive brown hair… Makoto? Blond hair—that had to be Nagisa. And red hair… Rin? What were they doing here? Practice didn't start till four. And how did they even know where he was?

“Haru?” Makoto called out, sounding confused. “What's going on—who are all these people?”

“I don't like this, Haru,” Rin said. He stepped protectively in front of Nagisa and Makoto, his eyes scanning the room with clear suspicion.

“Haru-chan, why are you tied up?” Nagisa asked. “That doesn't look fun…”

 _Go away,_ Haru wanted to say. But no matter how much he willed his mouth to move, there was a stubborn disconnection between his mouth and brain. All that came out was an unintelligible groan.

An unfamiliar energy was starting to coalesce and build up in Haru's core. It burned, far worse than anything he had ever experienced before, but he as good as had no voice and he needed to scream.

“Seize them,” his father said roughly. Nanase Kaito pushed his glasses up his nose—a sign that he was getting agitated—and barked instructions to the other scientists standing around the room.

With his entire body tied, Haru could only watch as one by one, the scientists rounded his friends, injected them with a different drug that made their limbs limp, and strapped them down to the medical beds. Panic blew the mind-numbing haze of drugs away. He couldn't see them, because the scientists were crowding around them and blocking his view, but some innate part of him just _knew_ he couldn't let this happen to them. It was one thing for these scientists to experiment on him, but if it was his friends—

A sharp scream, distinctly Makoto-sounding, cut through his thoughts. Nagisa and Rin soon joined in. Their legs—the only things Haru could see from his angle—were kicking and thrashing in the air. The scientists grabbed their legs and with their superior adult strength, managed to force them down. 

Haru couldn't bear to just lie there and listen to his friends’ screaming. Frantically, he struggled against his bindings, but his mother placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Be a good boy, Haruka,” Nanase Hisae said softly.

_I can't, I can't, I can't._

That was the only thing that Haru, aged twelve, could think of as his friends lay just out of reach, writhing and howling in pain. The burning energy grew in intensity, spreading out from his core to the rest of his body; to the ends of his fingers, down to his toes, all the way to the last strand of hair on his head. He felt it vibrating within him, threatening to rip him apart from inside out. 

“Hurry up and inject it already,” the scientist administering to Makoto hissed to her colleague—and that was all it took.

The energy building up in Haru burst in a series of massive blue waves, rocking through lab. It blasted the scientists, including his parents… and to his horror, it hit his friends too. A soundless scream tore out of his diaphragm as the blue energy swallowed Nagisa, Makoto and Rin up.

For four seconds or maybe four years, the entire lab was silent. Nothing moved. The blue energy wouldn't stop pouring out of Haru, no matter how desperately he tried to stop it. He needed to—it had already taken away his friends, so why wouldn't it just _stop_ —

New beams of energy cut through the crackling blue dome: red, green, yellow. Gradually, the blue energy shrank into a thin beam to match the rest. Haru stared, confused yet transfixed, as the four colours swirled in the air. He felt something hook in his gut and tug hard. The blue beam lit up, followed by the rest. The four tendrils danced higher in the air, fused together for the longest second of his life, before splitting ways. 

The blue beam hit Haru, forcing a strangled choke out of him. But the tugging sensation in his core died down, so he figured that was probably a good thing.

The red one collided with Rin’s chest, causing his entire outline to glow red. He cried out, and his teeth started to elongate and sharpen at the tips. At the same time, his hair began to change colours like a rapid-fire—from red to black, and then brown, then blond and back to red again.

The green one slammed into Makoto. His skin glowed green for a moment, then died down again. Though it could just have been a trick of the light, Haru could have sworn there had been a scaly sheen to Makoto’s skin just now.

The yellow one struck Nagisa, and his palms lit up the same colour. Other than that, nothing much happened, strangely. With no obvious sign of anything different, he continued to flail against the straps tying him down.

One scientist rose shakily to his feet, dusting himself off. He turned to survey the glowing children, his eyes cold and calculating, before striding over to Rin. Anger flared through Haru, but he couldn't muster the same energy as before to blast the scientist off his feet.

 _Get away from him, get away from him!_ Haru wanted to scream, but still his voice refused to work.

Rin’s eyes widened as the scientist hovered menacingly over him, holding a needle. The hand with the needle lowered. As if acting on fight-or-flight, Rin bit the scientist hard, his teeth sinking nearly halfway in. Blood trickled out from the puncture point and dribbled to the floor. 

Haru could feel his own eyes go huge at the sight. _Rin…?_

Clarity returned to Rin’s expression. Frantically, he pulled his teeth out, and the scientist stumbled back, clutching his bleeding hand.

“No way,” the scientist whispered, sounding amazed. “The blast—it must have been Haruka. Haruka must have somehow transferred some semblance of his powers to them.”

“Haru’s… powers?” Rin wondered out loud. His eyes met Haru’s across the room, but Haru kept his mouth zipped. “Whatever. That’s neat. Hey…” An idea seemed to strike him, as his eyes immediately lit up. He hunched over as best as he could, baring his teeth, and ripped through his bindings. 

“Rin-chan, that was so cool!” Nagisa cheered. “Free me, too!”

“Coming!” Rin shouted. Not wasting any time, he hopped off the bed and hurried to Nagisa, who was the closest to him. 

Kaito put a hold on that plan, dashing forward to intercept Rin's path. He raised a needle like a threat. “Look, Rin-kun, I don't want to hurt you. Don't make me do that, okay? You're a good boy, right?”

A strained whimper fell from Haru’s lips. _Stay away from him. Whatever this is, leave him out of it—leave them all out of it._

Rin took a step back, looking more hesitant now. Kaito stepped forward, backing Rin up against a wall.

“I told you, Rin-kun,” Kaito whispered. “If you don't behave, I—”

Rin squeezes his eyes shut—and his features start to change. His face morphed into a blur, before settling into the face of Haru’s _mom._ Kaito froze, and Rin took his opportunity. He shifted back to his usual face and bit into Kaito’s crotch. Kaito bellowed in pain, dropped the needle, and collapsed to his knees. Rin pulled away, his face twisted in disgust. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, as if to get rid of the blood and taste, then hurried over to Nagisa.

“Rin-chan, that was so cool!” Nagisa cheered. “Like a superhero! Hey, hey, you could be Sharkman.”

“Heh, I deserve a cooler nickname than that,” Rin scoffed. He lowered his head and ripped Nagisa’s bindings off.

Nagisa grinned and hopped off. “Okay, I’ll think of one. Hm, how about—”

“Later, Nagisa. Makoto and Haru still need to be freed.”

“Free Haru!” Makoto cried out, just as Haru wanted to shout, _'Free him first!'_

“But Mako-chan—”

“I—” Makoto grunted, struggling desperately against the bindings. The straps snapped off and fell to the ground, like they were mere rubber bands. “—got this, it turns out?”

“Mako-chan has super-strength!” Nagisa exclaimed delightedly, but then his expression became downcast. “I was hit by Haru-chan’s blast too. What are my powers?”

“Worry about that later,” Rin barked. He bolted over to Haru, his teeth bared, and Haru eyed them warily. His super-durability only activated underwater, so right now Rin could do some real damage with those new teeth. As if sensing Haru’s cautiousness, Rin grinned at him. “Of course I'm not gonna hurt you, Haru. I'm pretty good at using these teeth of mine.”

 _You_ just _got them,_ Haru thought to himself, exasperated. He closed his eyes when Rin’s teeth closed around the bindings, tugged, and tore them off him. Tentatively, not daring to believe everything that had just happened, Haru sat up. He winced at the sudden movement; his body was usually stiff and painful after a round of experiments, and it looked like the rules applied even when said experiments had been interrupted.

He only had a moment to blink and think to himself, _What the hell?_ before Nagisa, Makoto and Rin pounced on him, nearly knocking him flat on his back again.

“Haru-chan!” Makoto sobbed, wrapping his arms tightly around Haru’s midriff.

“I told—stop with the—‘chan’ already,” Haru wheezed. While he knew that Makoto liked to give tight hugs, this was on a whole new level. His lungs burned so painfully from the sudden lack of oxygen, the fact that his voice had returned didn't register yet. “Can't— _breathe!_ ”

“Ehh? Sorry, Haru!” Makoto hastily released Haru, and Haru tried to remember how to get air in his lungs again.

“Haru-chan, you're hurt!” Nagisa cried out. He shoved Rin and Makoto aside to get to Haru.

“No, I'm not,” Haru muttered, looking away. 

“Heheh, that's just like Haru-chan to deny that when he has this _huuuuge_ cut here.” Nagisa reached up and poked what felt like a long gash across Haru’s face; probably from the debris caused by his explosion earlier. 

Haru was about to explain that he was _fine_ and it would heal itself once he doused himself with some water, but he spotted Nagisa’s hand glowing bright yellow in his peripheral vision just before he felt it—a foreign, peculiar warmth that he could only describe as uniquely Nagisa-like. It seeped from Nagisa’s fingertips to Haru’s face, and he could feel new skin grow over where it had previously been slashed open.

“Oh, you have healing powers, Nagisa,” Rin said, sounding mildly impressed. “There you have it.”

Nagisa pouted. “It’s not as cool as shark teeth or transformation or _superstrength_ , like Superman.”

“But it’s a power that comes in handy when we’re hurt,” Makoto told him kindly. “Haru was injured, and you were the only one who could heal him, weren't you? That's pretty cool, too.”

“Mmm.” Nagisa seemed a little mollified, but the pout didn't quite lift from his face.

“We should go,” Haru said tersely. He pushed them back and clambered off the bed, but he froze upon spotting his mother—who he hadn't seen after the explosion—rising up from behind an overturned desk. Her lab coat was singed at the hems and her glasses knocked askew. What concerned him more, though, were the scalpels and needles in her hands. He knew what those meant, having been subjected to them on a near-daily basis for the past five years. The sight of them near himself was one thing, but the sight of them near Makoto, Nagisa and Rin was _a whole other thing._ He didn't like the way her eyes, behind the dust-covered glasses, gleamed as she studied his friends.

“So we were right about Haruka's powers,” Hisae muttered, so unhinged Haru felt a shudder wrack his body.

“I don't like this, Haru,” Makoto whispered, taking his hiding spot behind Haru. 

This time, instead of feeling his usual exasperation at Makoto’s timidness, protective anger thrummed through Haru. He didn't care if his parents wanted to experiment on him for whatever reasons, but he wouldn't let them subject his friends to the same thing.

“I’ll protect you guys,” Rin declared confidently, joining Haru at his side. “If she comes near us, I’ll just bite her.”

“Ooh, Rin-chan, that sounded really cool!” Nagisa whisper-shouted.

Hisae took another step closer to them. Haru shifted his stance so he was blocking Makoto and Nagisa (Rin stubbornly remained by his side). He wanted to stand his ground, but when Hisae closed the gap between them with another step, conditioned fear at the sight of the scalpels and needles flared through him. Instead of taking its time to build up in his core like it had done earlier, the pain immediately seized his entire body, and the blue energy _detonated._

Haru flinched at the sudden flash of light, so much brighter than the earlier one that his eyes watered. The blast swept through the room, shattering glasses and blowing desks to dust. It even spiked so high it broke through the ceiling. When the bright blue light dimmed by a fraction, he could just barely make out the ceiling, dangling half-detached to its fixtures and swaying precariously, _very_ precariously, in the air. 

“It’s gonna fall!” Rin yelled.

There was no time to think. Instinctively, Haru’s skin hardened into scales. Pain flared through him, but he pushed it aside. He grabbed Rin, shoved him to the ground, and tossed himself over him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Nagisa and Makoto standing there, lost and bewildered. Haru cursed; he couldn't protect them all. He wasn't big enough to block all of them, especially Makoto, who's the biggest of them all—

An image of green scales flashed through his mind.

“Makoto!” Haru shouted, his dry throat straining. “Protect Nagisa!”

“Eh?” Makoto exclaimed. “But how—”

The ceiling above creaked and groaned. It swayed one last time, before finally giving way. 

“Skin—turn to scales! _Hurry!_ ”

Maybe it was the urgency in Haru’s tone, or maybe it was instinct, but Makoto’s skin glowed green and began to harden, much like Haru’s. Scales emerged as uneven bumps on his previously smooth skin. Makoto’s eyes widened, obviously unaccustomed to the strange, foreign sensation all over his body.

“ _Nagisa!_ ” Rin and Haru yelled at the same time.

Nagisa dove to the ground, hands over his head. Makoto flung himself on top of Nagisa, just in time as the ceiling crashed around them.

 _Why are we all idiots?_ was the last thing Haru thought before his vision was forced into blackness. 

* * *

Well, it was black at first. Then, a barrage of memories Haru knew for sure weren't his flashed before his eyes: a pair of twins with bright green eyes, a picture of a brunet man with candles and offerings placed in front of it, an extra-large glass of strawberry milkshake. Whatever seeing those meant, he knew that this—wherever _this_ was—couldn't be the afterlife; Makoto’s siblings were still very much alive, Rin’s late father wouldn't exist as a shrine, and he was certain any afterlife that concerned him would not have strawberry milkshakes. If anything, it would offer him grilled mackerel.

The images promptly vanished, replaced by several threads that formed an intricate web of different colours across the otherwise dark void—blue, green, yellow and red. Each of these threads intertwined with each other in webs, criss-crossing over other pairs until every thread was paired up with the others. And, right in the center, was all four threads woven together in an ethereal cluster of colours.

Haru reached out. The first thread he made contact with was blue—his own thread, definitely. As far as he could see, his thread was the clearest; the rest were vague, blurry outlines in the distance. 

He wrapped his hand around it. Somehow, it was both solid yet intangible, slipping through his hand like a phantom but never completely falling through. Where it was solid, it felt cool to the touch, and when he ran his fingers down the length, he found that it was smoother than silk.

Keeping a firm hold on his thread as best as he could, Haru moved his leg experimentally and found there was nothing solid beneath his feet. As far as he could tell, he was floating in some bizarre sub-dimensional space.

_If there's no ground, then I will swim._

Effortlessly, like he was merely in a pool, Haru lifted himself upwards, until his body was nearly parallel to the thread. He kept a tight grip on his thread as he glided through the space.

Yellow, green and red threads stretched out above his head, but his hand would slip right through like it was air. Unlike his own thread, he couldn't grasp them at all. So he continued swimming, following the blue path illuminated by his thread.

He stopped at an intersection between two colours. Green bled into blue, forming turquoise. He squinted into the distance and saw that the rest of the thread was green. He knew who this belonged to.

“Makoto?” he called.

“Haru, is that you?” a tiny voice Makoto-sounding replied. 

Haru squinted harder and could just barely make out a figure that could be Makoto. “It is! Where are you?”

“Where are _you?_ I can't see—oh, you’re over there on the blue—I’m coming!” 

Makoto’s outline grew as he got closer, until he was fully materialised in front of Haru. For the most part, he looked like the same Makoto Haru had known ever since they were babies—except for the glowing outline and complete lack of clothes. Haru glanced down at himself, realising for the first time since he arrived here that he was also naked.

“Do—don’t look!” Makoto squeaked, his hands covering his lower parts. 

Haru rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing I don't already have.”

“But it’s still embarrassing! Anyway, I thought I was alone in here, and I was so scared because I didn't know where you were, but then I heard you calling out my name. I was so relieved. I thought I would be stuck here alone forever.”

“We’re still stuck here for what could be forever,” Haru reminded him.

“Yeah, I suppose so, but at least we’re together.” Makoto took Haru’s hand, the way he did when nervous or afraid. 

In response, Haru squeezed his hand. Even though no words were spoken, the feelings were loud and clear like they had a channel to each other’s minds: _We’re together._

Before their eyes, two more threads—parallel to each other—materialised: green mixing with yellow, yellow seeping into blue.

“Nagisa,” they said in unison.

Keeping their hands joined and their other hands on their respective threads, Haru and Makoto glided through the void, following the yellow path where it led them. 

Throughout the journey, strange feelings that _definitely_ didn't belong to Haru kept flooding through him. The strongest emotion was embarrassment; embarrassment at being naked. But there were other emotions too: curiosity, excitement, boldness. Haru knew these feelings weren't his because he rarely—if ever—felt them.

Haru was the one who bumped into Nagisa—literally. One moment, he had been slowly swimming through the space, keeping his eyes peeled for Nagisa; the next moment, something with a mass of wavy blond hair collided with his chest.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan!” Nagisa chirped. “Even in this magic place, you two still go everywhere together, huh?"

Makoto chuckled, while Haru muttered, “He was the first one I met here.”

“How about you, Nagisa?” Makoto asked. “Have you seen Ri—”

“Ha, I found you guys first!”

Above them, Rin was hanging onto his red thread like it was the monkey bars at the school playground. Haru blinked, and the next thing he saw was red weaving together with his blue, Makoto’s green, and Nagisa’s yellow.

“Whatever, it’s not a competition,” Haru said, glancing away.

“Eh, you’re all naked too!” Makoto exclaimed. The redness in his face could rival Rin’s thread.

“I know, right?” Nagisa agreed excitedly. 

“ _Nagisa._ ”

“It’s fine, since we’re all boys here,” Rin said dismissively. “We spend most of time together half-naked anyway. It’s nothing weird.”

“ _Rin_ ,” Makoto emphasised, clearly distressed at everyone else’s nonchalance regarding their present nudity.

Now that everyone was together, Haru could see everyone’s threads more clearly. He noticed that while all of their threads had been paired up with each other, with no one’s thread left out, the pairs with the blue thread had a stronger glow at the center where the two had joined to become one. 

“On my journey to find you guys,” Rin said, obnoxious and dramatic as ever, “I saw—no, I _felt_ some strange things that definitely didn't belong to me. Excitement at all the pretty colours and being naked was one of them.”

“Oh, that was me!” Nagisa announced, raising his hand like he was in class. 

“I also felt embarrassment about being naked, which was an odd contrast to Nagisa’s excitement,” Rin continued, eyeing Makoto whose ears started to go red too.

“Am I the only one with any sense of modesty here?” Makoto wailed.

“I also felt like eating grilled mackerel. Definitely strange, because I don't eat mackerel all that much and didn't have any cravings prior to this.”

“You're missing out,” Haru said coolly.

“In conclusion,” Rin steamrolled on with a dramatic flair of his hand, “I have decided all these threads here—they form an Empathy Bond.”

“Gesundheit.”

“Don't ‘gesundheit’ me, Haru, I'm serious. This is totally like those TV shows, except weirder and more naked.”

“Why an _Empathy_ Bond, though?” Makoto asked.

Rin smirked and drew a self-important breath, which Haru decided was his cue to take a seat on his thread. Knowing Rin, this would probably take a while.

“Well, we can't read each other’s minds, right? So it can't be a _psychic_ bond.”

“We should try it out,” Nagisa suggested. “Rin-chan, guess what I'm thinking!”

“What? I told you, I can't because this _isn't_ a psychic bond,” Rin said exasperatedly.

“Fight on, Rin-chan! Guess!”

Rin sighed. “Fine. You want strawberry ice cream.”

“Nope, I was thinking of the new Iwatobi-chan plushies, but now I want strawberry ice cream when we get out of here,” Nagisa mused.

“The fact that I had to guess and still got it wrong proves that this isn't a psychic bond,” Rin reiterated. “But it’s an _E_ _mpathy_ Bond ‘cause we can feel each other’s feelings. It’s these things—” He traced a hand across his thread, down to the point where all four threads intersected. “—that send our feelings to each other.”

It was Haru’s turn to sigh. Feeling emotions never meant anything good for him, and now he had to deal with Makoto, Nagisa and Rin’s in his head too? What a pain.

“So as long as we’re stuck here, we would have this… this Empathy Bond?” Makoto asked slowly, like he was still trying to digest everything. 

Rin’s eyes glinted. “That's the thing. This place we’re in right now—it’s our minds. We’re _in_ our own minds right now.”

“Gesundheit,” Haru said.

“Stop with the ‘gesundheit’ already—how do you even know what that means?” Rin snapped. “I'm serious, guys. Why else do you think we’re naked?”

“Maybe our clothes got caught under the roof when it collapsed on us?” Makoto suggested reasonably.

“Or maybe I was wrong and we’re actually dead,” Haru contributed.

“We’re naked ‘cause this is our true forms that exists in our minds,” Rin continued as if not hearing them. “And now our true forms have come together and met at this very point.”

“Wow, romantic,” Nagisa cooed.

Haru blew out a deep, long-suffering sigh through his nose. He thought Rin had been bad when he had kept pestering him to join the relay team, but this was something else entirely. 

“So if this takes place in our own minds, how are we even seeing each other?” Makoto asked, taking the words Haru couldn't be bothered to say right out of his mouth.

“The Bond, Makoto, the Bond. It has transcended space and science to connect our hearts and minds. This is all our imagination—well, sort of. It’s real, but also not completely real.”

“Wow, Rin-chan knows so many big words,” Nagisa whispered in awe.

Haru gave Makoto’s hand an experimental squeeze. It felt plenty real to him.

“I'm not sure if that makes sense…” Makoto mumbled.

“That sounds super cool!” Nagisa said, like that settled the matter and declared Rin correct (instead of completely off his rocker, as Haru would have suggested). “Hey, we should name our Bond. Something like… oh, I know! _Nagisa, Haru-chan, Mako-chan and Rin-chan’s Super-duper Awesome Relay Bond of Colours_!” He beamed, looking highly satisfied with himself.

The other three stared at him with varying degrees of confusion and exasperation.

“That's too long, Nagisa,” Makoto pointed out. “There's no way we can remember that.”

“And why ‘relay’?” Haru asked. “We haven't even swum it yet.”

“But we _are_ the relay team,” Nagisa explained, puffing his cheeks out. “When we practise for the relay, it’s like our hearts are connected, just like how Rin-chan described our _Nagisa, Haru-chan, Mako—_ ”

“Let’s just call it ‘Bond’ for short,” Rin cut in briskly. “Anyway, we need to get out of here. Did anyone see a way out?”

Nagisa and Makoto glanced at each other sheepishly, while Haru looked off to the side.

Rin clicked his tongue. “Don't tell me all of us walked through—”

“Makoto and I swam.”

“And I ran!”

“—this space and _none_ of us found an exit?”

“Up there,” Haru said abruptly, his eyes fixing on a tiny hole above them. A faint light filtered through it. A force tugged weakly at him, pulling him ever so slightly upwards. 

“Well, that was convenient,” Rin remarked. “Let’s go, then!”

Each of them released their own threads and let the light draw them upwards. Haru kept his hand in Makoto’s to remind himself that no matter what Rin said, this _was_ real; Makoto was the one thing Haru knew would always be real, no matter what strange changes overcame his body at the lab or bizarre sub-dimensions in their minds they ended up in. 

The top of Haru’s head was the first to breach the surface, then the rest of his head—and his eyes flew open.

* * *

The first thing Haru saw was three familiar faces hovering over his. Groggily, he pushed himself upright, only to be bowled over again by Makoto, Nagisa and Rin.

“Haru!” 

“Haru-chan, you're alive!” 

“Of course I'm alive,” Haru grunted as he peeled Nagisa off him. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Heh, took you long enough,” Rin said, stepping back. “Looks like swimming is the only thing you're fast at, huh? The rest of us woke up way before you.”

“Whatever, it’s not a competition.”

Slowly, Haru’s eyes adjusted to this new place. The muted brown walls, the pale blue curtains—his home. Apprehension filled him. Weren't they just at the lab before they simultaneously passed out and entered that bizarre sub-dimension? How did they get here?

He glanced at his friends, and a brief pang of pain shot through his head. For a split second, he could see the thin coils of thread around their wrists. He blinked, and the outline of the threads faded to near-transparency. Right. So everything that supposedly happened in his mind was real. He glanced down at his hand, which covered in human skin once more instead of scales. It was still holding Makoto’s, which had also reverted back to skin. In addition to that, he noticed that he was no longer naked but dressed in his usual ratty hoodie and shorts. His friends, too, were wearing clothes. So maybe Rin _was_ right about everything that had been taking place in their heads (not that Haru would ever tell him). 

“How are you feeling, Haruka?” a different voice called from the kitchen, and Haru’s heart lurched.

“Grandma?” he asked blearily.

True enough, his grandmother—Nanase Chie—appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, carrying a plate of freshly grilled mackerel. She placed the plate on the table before him, then circled around to touch his face.

“Why are you here?” Haru asked, confused. 

“Your grandfather and I found out about the lab,” Chie said quietly. “It’s a long story, but what matters is that you and your friends are safe now.”

“Where’s Grandpa?”

“At the lab, investigating. We found you kids unconscious under the rubble, and it was such a relief that you were all okay. It seemed like at least those powers came in handy to save your lives; I don't want to imagine what would've happened if…” She shook her head, as if the thought was too painful to bear.

Haru frowned and looked away. 

“Haru wants to ask: how do you know about the powers?” Makoto piped up. 

“I could… _infer_ ,” Chie said carefully. “The scales on both of your skins made it pretty clear that something beyond ordinary human ability was going on.”

“Rin-chan and I have powers too,” Nagisa added. “Rin-chan has these _awesome_ shark teeth that can bite through anything! _And_ he can transform into other people.”

“Nagisa has healing powers,” Rin supplied helpfully. “The four of us also have an Empathy Bond, so we can sense each other’s feelings and occasionally glimpse at each other’s memories. But we can't read each other’s minds or communicate telepathically.”

Haru was glad for that. He already had to deal with Nagisa and Rin’s continuous waves of excitement bombarding him through the Bond; he didn't need to constantly hear their thoughts, either. Out of all of them, he didn't mind Makoto’s emotions the most—his were of the quiet sort, making it easier for Haru to turn them into white noise at the back of his head.

“I’ve been meaning to ask this: where did these powers even come from?” Makoto asked.

Rin spread his arms out wide, as if about to make an audacious declaration. “Isn't it obvious? Haru. Haru was the one who caused that explosion, remember? Somehow, that explosion must have given us some powers—probably his powers.”

Everyone turned to Haru, who shrugged. “Don't know. Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Haruka,” Chie said gently, “why don't you tell us what was happening in that building? You were already there before the rest, weren't you?”

Haru shifted uncomfortably on his cushion. His grandma always had a way of reading all the things he left unsaid and piecing the different bits together. "Mom and Dad wanted to make me a mermaid or something," he mumbled. "I don't know why. They did these weird experiments on me, and that's where I got these powers from.”

“A mermaid?” Nagisa echoed, bouncing up and down. “That's so cool!”

In contrast to Nagisa’s excitement, Chie frowned. “These experiments—did they hurt?”

Haru hesitated only for a moment. “No, not usually. They usually inject me with some drug things before starting the experiments.”

“And when did this all begin?”

“Five years ago, I think. One day, they just took me to the lab with them and told me they were gonna make me a mermaid.”

“And you just went with them?” Rin demanded, incredulous.

“It’s not like I knew what they were gonna do," Haru said defensively. 

"They _told_ you they were gonna make you a mermaid! It doesn't get any clearer than that, Haru!" 

“I thought they had gone crazy or something.”

Rin looked like he was about to pull his hair out in frustration. "Then all the more you _shouldn't_ have gone with them!" 

Haru huffed, folded his arms and resolutely avoided looking at Rin. 

“Why didn't you say anything, Haru?” Makoto asked quietly. “Your parents were hurting you. You should’ve said something.”

The waves of pity and sadness from Makoto were too much for Haru to bear, so he stared at his mackerel instead. “I didn't think it mattered.”

At this, Chie crouched down in front of Haru and cupped his face. “Haruka, if anyone hurts you—especially your parents—you _must_ tell someone. Please don't suffer in silence. Grandma loves you and just wants you to be safe and happy.”

Haru didn't need an Empathy Bond with his grandma to feel the concern rolling off her. He bit his lip and avoided eye contact. He wasn't in the mood to deal with feelings for the rest of the week.

Saving him from having to deal with feelings, Haru’s grandfather burst through the front door, clutching several folders.

“Hayate, welcome home,” Chie greeted, getting up.

“Dear, we need to talk,” Hayate said in lieu of actual greeting. “In private. Now.”

“Is it that urgent? The kids—”

“Just put on the TV or something. This—this is urgent.”

Though there was some hesitation, Chie acquiesced. She switched on the TV and put on some random evening cartoon. “Boys, be good, okay? This won't take long.”

Haru watched as his grandparents disappeared up the stairs, his grandfather looking like he had personally lived through a horror movie, and his grandmother following behind with resigned apprehension. With nothing else to do, he dug into his mackerel—which was delicious as ever—and turned his attention to the TV.

To their credit, the four boys managed to get through about five minutes of the cartoon before getting bored.

“I want to swim,” Haru stated. That was what was missing from his day, and gliding through that bizarre sub-dimension didn't count as swimming. He wanted to feel real water around him. 

“It’s too late,” Makoto said. “The swim club’s probably closed by now, or at least our pool is.”

“But you know what we _can_ do?” Rin suggested. He had that gleam in his eyes indicating that he had another scheme cooked up in his mind. “We can go upstairs and listen to what they're talking about.”

“But Gramps said it was private,” Makoto, the only voice of reason present, reminded him.

Rin rolled his eyes. “That just means it’s something important and probably about us.”

“Ooh, if it’s something important then we should know too!” Nagisa chimed in, always eager to egg on Rin and his bad ideas.

“You guys!” Makoto chided, exasperated.

“Fine, stay downstairs if that's what you wanna do, goody-two-shoes,” Rin said, “but Haru and I are going upstairs. Right, Haru?”

“I never said…” Haru muttered, while Nagisa exclaimed, “Me too, me too!”

“No, you stay here, Nagisa,” Rin ordered. “You can't keep quiet.”

Nagisa’s grin fell into a pout. He launched himself across the table into Rin’s lap and wrapped his arms around Rin’s midriff. “I so can! Please please _please,_ Rin-rin-rin-chan-chan-chan!”

"No, and don't call me that."

Nagisa peered up at Rin, looking for all the world like a puppy that Rin had kicked to the curb. His eyes teared up and his lower lip trembled. 

Rin groaned. “Ugh, fine, but I’ll hold you to that.”

“Yay!”

Ignoring Haru’s muttered protests, Rin snatched his wrist and dragged him up the stairs. Nagisa bounced along quietly behind them, while Makoto sighed something about how “We're gonna get into so much trouble” but followed them anyway. The voices were coming from the master bedroom, so in a messy pile, they pressed themselves against the door to eavesdrop.

“—working for GREAT. GREAT is one of those underground hitmen organisations, and they have branches all over the world. Years ago, they conceived the idea of creating and using genetically-engineered superhumans. And recently, they decided they wanted a mermaid—or rather, a human that could morph between human form and mermaid form. I suppose that would make that superhuman good for both land and underwater missions, thus giving them a better edge. GREAT offered to pay the branch that engineered for them the best superhuman-mermaid a handsome amount.”

“And Kaito and Hisae just used their only son because they couldn't be assed to find another human or start from scratch?” Chie suggested, cold rage rolling off her voice.

“Ooh, Gran-chan said a bad word,” Nagisa whispered.

“Pretty much,” Hayate said tiredly. “But we don't have to worry about them. Most of them at the lab where we found the boys—Kaito and Hisae included—were killed in Haruka’s blast. Those who were still alive—I chased them out of the country. They won't be bothering us anymore.”

The fact that Haru had _killed_ his parents was just starting to really sink in. Strangely, he found that it didn't bother him much, since he had never been particularly attached to them; his grandparents had raised him for the most part. He wondered if it made him a bad person—then he decided he didn't care. As long as he could swim with his friends, he didn't care about the fact that he was technically an orphan now.

“That's good,” Chie replied. “Did you find out anything about Haruka’s powers? What exactly does being a genetically-engineered mermaid entail?”

A sound of rustling papers preceded Hayate’s explanation. “From what I gathered, there are two driving forces behind Haruka’s abilities. One is water; he needs to be in or at least near a body of water in order to activate his powers. The greater the amount of water, the stronger his powers. But Haruka has to choose to allow water to activate his powers. Additionally, Haruka's abilities are incomplete. In theory, most of his abilities, such as superstrength and super-durability, should be activated even when he is not exposed to water. However, in practice, this is not normally the case."

“But Haruka wasn't near water at the lab, was he? How was he able to generate such a powerful blast that could destroy the entire building _and_ kill most of the people in it?”

“The second driving force is emotions; the strength and intensity of his emotions affect that of his powers," Hayate explained. "When fueled by his emotions, Haruka has little to no control over his powers. I think Haruka was under such great distress at the lab that emotions alone were enough to kickstart his powers. I believe his friends were being threatened, and here's the kicker: do you know how those scientists discovered that his powers are also fueled by his emotions?”

Haru’s nails dug into his palms. He knew, he knew all too well. _Don't say it, don't—just don't._

“They subjected him to hallucinations of his friends being hurt, then monitored his brain activity and heart rate to see if there was any kind of significant emotional reaction that led to the activation of his powers,” Hayate said, his voice breaking. “That's why—I think that’s how Makoto, Nagisa and Rin ended up at the lab, too. One of the scientists must have led them there, somehow.”

Rin nodded, grimacing, and whispered, “Yeah. We were looking for you, Haru, ‘cause we wanted to settle last week’s 2-on-2 _Underwater Fighters_ throwdown at Makoto's place, when this random dude approached us and told us that he knew where you were.”

“My mom always told me not to follow strangers—she’s gonna be so mad at me,” Makoto whimpered under his breath.

“So I think,” Hayate continued, “in that moment of danger, Haruka’s distress enabled him to transfer some semblance of his powers to his friends through the blast. And I think that's linked to that Empathy Bond you were just telling me about—the powers they got were mostly up to chance, but it was also affected by how close they were to Haruka, emotionally-wise.”

Huh, that made sense. That would explain why Makoto, having known Haru the longest out of all three of them, got powers that were replicas of Haru’s water- and/or emotion-activated superstrength and super-durability via mermaid scales. Nagisa knew Haru the second-longest; his healing abilities were similar but not quite the same as Haru’s, because Haru was self-regenerative too, provided he had access to water. Lastly, Rin’s shark teeth were probably imitations of the fangs Haru was supposed to grow when he shapeshifted into a mermaid, though he didn't consistently sprout fangs every time he shifted. And as for Rin’s ability to shapeshift into other people—Haru supposed that was an ability the scientists wanted him to develop but he hadn't succeeded at doing so yet.

“Kaito and Hisae had some agreement with the higher-ups of GREAT,” Hayate added. “Since they had predicted that Haruka’s abilities would take at least ten years before fully developing, they wouldn't officially hand him over to them to use until he was older. So until then, other than the experiments they had to conduct on him, GREAT was to leave him alone and let him live an otherwise normal life.”

“And they agreed to that?” Chie said, sounding somewhat skeptical.

“Well, it wasn't like GREAT had much use for a superhuman-mermaid whose abilities weren't fully developed yet anyway. Look, don't worry about GREAT, okay? I’ll deal with them and make sure they don't come near Haruka or any of the kids.”

“Are you sure, dear? That’s dangerous. I don't want you getting tangled up in some huge conspiracy and end up getting hurt.”

The sound of a gentle kiss on a cheek filtered through the thin door (Haru could’ve sworn Rin cooed something about “How romantic”). “I’ll be fine. I wasn't trained in the special forces for nothing.”

Chie sighed. “Haruka got his stubborn streak from you. Very well, then, if you insist. Anyway, we should go check on the kids.”

Collectively, four pairs of eyes widened. They scrambled away from the door and bolted down the stairs, nearly tripping over each other in the process. Once back in the safety of the living room, Rin skidded across the floor on his knees back to his spot at the dining table. Nagisa tried imitating him but ended up falling on his face. Makoto helped Nagisa up before settling down on his own cushion, and Haru strolled to the kitchen to get more mackerel.

When he returned, he found his grandparents sitting at the table with the other three.

“Haruka, join us,” Hayate said, patting the cushion next to him like this was just another family dinner. “We have some ground rules we need to establish.”

Haru let out a tiny sigh. Rules—he hated them, especially at the lab. But his grandfather’s stubbornness could rival even Rin’s, so Haru reluctantly but obediently took his seat between his grandpa and Makoto. Under the table, Makoto’s hand reached for his. He took it, and held on tight to it while listening to what his grandparents had to say.

“You must not tell _anyone_ about your special abilities or anything that happened at the lab,” Chie said sternly. “You must not use your abilities, either. It is for your own safety. Bad people might come after you and hurt you if they know, and you don't want bad people to hurt you, right?”

“Mhm.” Nagisa nodded, drawing his knees to his chest and hugging them. “It was scary.”

“That's right,” Makoto said solemnly. “Thinking back on it now, I don't remember exactly what the scientists did to me… but I remember that it hurt. I remember that I wanted the pain to be over, and I wanted Haru.”

“Oi,” Haru muttered, embarrassed.

Chie leaned forward and took Makoto’s other hand. “And that's why we have to keep this a secret, got it? It’s to keep all of you safe.” 

Makoto raised his hand. “What about my parents? Can I tell them?”

Chie paused to consider this, before nodding. “But only them. No one else can know. Think of this as our little secret.”

Nagisa bounced on his cushion, and Haru could feel his excitement rolling through the Bond. “A secret—that sounds fun!”

“Have I made myself clear?” Chie said, drawing Nagisa’s attention once more. “No telling anyone except for your parents about your powers, and no using your powers at _all._ ”

“Yes ma’am!”

A secret, huh? Well, that would be an easy task.

Haru considered himself an expert at keeping secrets, after all.

* * *

As it always does, time went on. It took the four of them a while, but eventually they learned to get used to the constant bombardment of emotions and memories through the Bond. Now, everyone’s emotions—ranging from Makoto’s quiet happiness to Nagisa’s loud excitement to Rin’s fiery enthusiasm—existed as mere white noise in the back of Haru’s mind. Unless there was a sudden burst of strong emotions, Haru barely even noticed the Bond anymore.

They won the relay Rin had eventually managed to strong-arm Haru into joining, and that was easily the best thing that ever happened to Haru. The sheer, unadulterated joy brimming through the Bond, the beautiful way everyone’s threads glowed—no other relay could ever surpass that. Haru was sure of that.

The next day, Rin made his big move to Australia, and Haru tried not to feel too much like a tool Rin had used and discarded. It took Haru a few days to adjust to Rin’s Bond becoming dull and dormant in the far corner of his mind. Nagisa and Makoto’s remained bright and active, though Makoto’s was more so, since he spent more time with Haru and lived the closest to him. 

Even though they could no longer swim in relays as a team without Rin (there were other kids at the SC, but Makoto and Nagisa wanted _Rin_ , and Haru only swam _free_ either way), the three of them continued swimming together at Iwatobi SC. Coach Sasabe continued scolding Nagisa for running near the pool and being noisy, as well as Haru for diving in without doing his warm-ups first. All was as per normal, minus the absence of a certain fiery redhead who liked roping other people into his reckless shenanigans. 

And so, the days went on. Haru was starting to feel like maybe he _could_ be normal after all, and not the weapon he was supposed to become. Swimming with Nagisa and Makoto, both of whom had not mentioned anything about the incident at the lab since that fateful day, made him feel like he was finally free to control his life as he pleased.

But two weeks later, two tall Australian men showed up at his front door, and Nanase Haruka learned that destiny possessed a far stickier grip than he had initially given it credit for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had loads of fun writing everyone's dynamics as elementary school students. kinda sad it doesn't last, though... oh Rin, why did you have to go and be angsty?
> 
> from here on out, this fic will more or less follow the canon timeline. it's gonna be a long journey, so get comfy, have a warm drink and some snacks, and enjoy :D thanks for reading!
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


	2. lost, returned and not to be forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru hears the sounds of heavy, deliberate footsteps echoing through the adjacent hallway before he feels it—something flaring to full life in the deepest, most buried away corner of his mind. A colour he hasn't felt this intensely in three years: a powerful red that demands absolute attention.

Haru is due to start his second day of his second year at high school (he skipped the first day because he couldn't be bothered to get out of the house). Or, well, he's _supposed_ to be starting it. 

As it is, however, he has been living with the constant terror of time slipping by right through his fingers for so long that he's simply become numb to it all. Hence, he spends most of the morning just sitting in his tub, counting down the seconds until his time is up.

That is, until Makoto shows up right in his house and all but drags him to school. Haru knows it doesn't make much of a difference in the long run whether he goes or not, but Makoto can be incredibly stubborn when he wants to be—much like someone Haru used to know—so he doesn't fight (much) against Makoto when he fusses over him and nags him to hurry up.

The first few lessons at school go by as they normally do, with teachers mistaking him for a girl because of his rather feminine first name (he considers that one of the greatest wrongs his parents did to him) and him zoning out during classes.

Well, it _would_ be a mostly normal boring day, if it weren't for a certain Bond lighting up in the back corner of his mind. The green one is always active, since Makoto is always in close proximity to Haru; the red one has been more or less dormant for the past five years, other than that one time Rin returned during winter to challenge Haru to a race (Haru has never liked thinking about _that_ memory). 

As for the yellow one—well, Nagisa lives in Iwatobi too, so his is never dormant the way Rin’s is. But because Haru hasn't seen Nagisa ever since the swimming club was shut down years ago and they went to different middle schools, it’s never as bright as Makoto’s, either.

Today, however, the yellow Bond has flared to full life once more, just like the way it was five years ago.

“You feel it too, Haru?” Makoto asks him on their way to the rooftop for lunch.

Haru nods. Nagisa’s emotions through the Bond were quiet during their years apart, but now they're louder and more intense than ever, pushing him to the brink of a headache. Makoto really spoils him with his quiet emotions.

They round the corner, and that's where they hear it.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan!”

As if on cue, a bright burst of yellow cuts through their minds. Haru winces and clutches the side of his head, while Makoto fumbles with and nearly drops his bento box. They turn around—and true enough, there is Nagisa at the landing of the staircase, with the same wavy blond hair and doe-like magenta eyes cheerful grin on his face.

“It’s been forever, hasn't it?” Nagisa calls up to them, waving a level of enthusiasm only he can muster on a Tuesday afternoon.

“Nagisa!” Makoto greets, while Haru lifts his eyebrows in acknowledgement. “I thought I felt something from your end of the—you know.”

“I did too! I enrolled in Iwatobi High ‘cause I thought I’d find you guys here, and when I felt both your Bonds light up again like it did in elementary school, I knew I made the right choice.”

Nagisa really hasn't changed one bit, from the fast, energetic way he speaks to his gesticulations and bouncing around as he talks.

“Do you want to join us for lunch?” Makoto offers.

Nagisa nods with his entire body. He races up the stairs two at a time, ignoring Makoto’s pleas for him to be careful, leaps up the last three and latches onto Haru’s arm.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa says, pressing his face into Haru’s shoulder as they climb the next flight of stairs up to the roof. “You're happy to see me, aren't you?”

Haru glances away. He has never been good at matching Nagisa’s enthusiasm, but he can't help the soft spot he has for him even after all these years. “Neutral.”

“Which, in Haru-chan speak, means that you must be over the moon!”

“Not exactly.”

“Aww, Haru-chan is always so cold!" Nagisa wails.

Haru rolls his eyes. He doesn't think it's anything worth whining about—it's just the way he is.

Ahead of him, Makoto holds the door open for them, which Haru leans against to allow Nagisa to pass through.

Nagisa loops his arm around Haru’s and swings them back and forth as he bounds through the doorway, dragging Haru along. 

Haru and Makoto take their usual spot on the rooftop overlooking the school’s pool, except now they have an additional Nagisa nestled comfortably between them, like he has always meant to be there. 

Lunch time is spent making small talk about nothing in particular, as is par for the course for Nagisa, who yammers on and on about whatever fleeting thing strikes his fancy. Not for the first time in his life, Haru wonders how someone like Nagisa has become his friend; one of his closest friends. He can understand Makoto, who's nice to pretty much everyone, but someone as bubbly and larger-than-life as Nagisa should be hanging out with other social butterflies who can match his zest for even the most idiosyncratic aspects of life. Perhaps it’s Nagisa’s simple, charming honesty that draws Haru in—he has never liked unknowns, and with Nagisa what he sees is what he gets—but he has to wonder why Nagisa has so resolutely attached himself to him. 

Haru has thought about how Makoto would feel if he knew how little time Haru has left. Now, he wonders how _Nagisa_ would react if he knew.

Briefly, Haru wonders if things would be easier if he just cut them off and spend the rest of his numbered days at home, sitting in the tub and emerging only to make some mackerel for himself.

But he's selfish. He would never admit it, but having both yellow and green threads illuminated and active is nice, somehow. It’s like he is not alone, even if the time he has left with them is somewhat limited.

Soon, the bell rings. The three of them make their way back downstairs, with Nagisa hopping down the stairs in front of them, Makoto urging him to be careful, and Haru bringing up the rear.

“Hey, hey,” Nagisa says, swinging around to face them. “Did you guys hear that the SC we went to in elementary school is gonna be torn down soon?”

A zip of surprise goes through Haru, and he can't tell whether it’s his or Makoto’s. He squashes down the feeling, though. The club had been shut down years ago; it was only a matter of time before some contractors looked at it and decided that useless building could be repurposed into something else, without any regard for the memories that could have been made there.

Everything is only a matter of time.

“So,” Nagisa continues, “before that happens, why don't we pay it a visit?” 

“To dig that thing up?” Makoto asks.

“Exactly! We can sneak it at night like ninjas and find it—”

“You can go by yourself,” Haru says curtly, striding down the stairs to overtake Nagisa. He knows what ‘it’ is—the medley relay trophy buried near the old SC—and he wants no part of digging it up. Things that have been buried should stay under the earth. Indulging in stupid things like nostalgia won't stop the inexorable forward march of the passage of time.

“Don't be like that!” Nagisa whines. His hands catch Haru’s chest, halting his movements. “It’s not fun if you're not there, Haru-chan.”

“It’s not like Rin would be there, either.”

Seriously, it’s like Haru has a penchant for associating with people who possess iron stubbornness, because Nagisa refuses to let up. “And it’ll be even lonelier without you. Come with us, Haru-chan," he begs. 

Nagisa is starting to give him those sad puppy eyes. There is no one in the world immune to them, so Haru opts for avoiding them altogether. “No. You're not a kid anymore. You can go on your own if that's what you want to do.”

Nagisa hops up a step and clings to Haru’s arm. “It’ll be fun, though, like we’re going on an adventure! Don't you think so?”

“I don't.”

Nagisa lets out a pitiful groan—which _almost_ sways Haru, but he remains steadfast in his own stubbornness—and slumps against him.

Makoto chuckles. “Why don't you just humour him, Haru? You haven't seen each other in years.”

“No, that requires effort,” Haru declares firmly, glaring at the both of them. “End of discussion.”

“Really, Haru? Even though there's a _pool_ there?”

Haru’s eyebrow twitches. Sometimes, he has to resent the powerful bond and Bond between him and Makoto.

“A pool is a _lot_ bigger than your bathtub, isn't it?” Makoto adds, and the last of Haru’s resolve dissolves. Even if he doesn't see any point in digging up old memories, he can't pass up an opportunity to be in water.

And that is how he finds himself standing outside the old, abandoned building of the Iwatobi SC later that night. They spend about an hour digging up pretty much all the earth around the SC, only to find that their relay trophy is gone.

“Do you think someone else took it?” Makoto wonders.

“Maybe it’s just on a vacation and it’ll come home soon!” Nagisa speculates, always brimming with optimism.

“Whatever,” Haru mutters. He doesn't care all that much about a stupid trophy, anyway. “Are we going in or what?”

“I don't know about this, guys,” Makoto says nervously. “If it’s true that there's a ghost—”

“It’s true!” Nagisa declares with too much cheer. “I heard someone spotted a shadow that _moved by itself_ , and that the shadow was _crying_.”

“Eh? Now I definitely don't want to go in!”

Nagisa grabs Makoto’s wrist before he can make a getaway and grins up at him. “Nope, we’re all in this together! You're the biggest out of all of us, Mako-chan. If anything, the ghost should be scared of you.”

“Makoto is about as intimidating as a feeble, sleeping bunny,” Haru deadpans.

“Haru!” 

“Just saying it as it is.”

"You have a very not-nice way of saying things, Haru!"

Haru thinks it's such a pain, trying to be nice while also telling the plain truth. People are always saying they want the truth, but when they get it they complain it's _not nice._ Well, that's just the way things are—the truth is not nice.

“Never fear, for Hazuki Nagisa is here! Purifying salt to ward off all evil!” Nagisa brandishes a small brown packet and starts flinging what is supposedly salt all over them from head to toe. Once done with his handiwork, he stuffs the now-empty packet back into his shorts pocket. “There, we’re all protected now.”

“Wait.” Haru gathers some ‘salt’ on his finger and puts in his mouth. For salt, it is rather sweet. “This is sugar, not salt, Nagisa.”

Makoto shoots Nagisa a look of pure betrayal. “Nagisa!”

Nagisa’s eyes go wide. “Oh, um! It—it’s fine! It’s all mental, so as long as you believe it’ll keep you safe, everything will be a-okay. Now let’s get inside before the purifying magic wears off!”

Despite Makoto’s spluttered protests and digging of his heels into the ground, Nagisa—approximately two-thirds of his height and possessing half his muscle mass—manages to haul him into the SC by the wrist. With a sigh, Haru tags along. He joins Makoto’s other side; it might make Makoto feel safer if he has two people flanking him on either side.

“What did I tell you, Mako-chan?” Nagisa says. He holds a flashlight up, casting a tiny beam of light in the otherwise oppressive darkness of the hallway. “It’s all okay, right? The ghost hasn't shown up yet, which means that whether the purifier was salt or sugar doesn't make any difference as long as we believe in its power.”

But not everything is alright, and Haru can feel it. A presence, lurking somewhere behind the walls; a presence that salt or sugar or any other flavouring won't be able to protect them from. Something nags at him from the deepest corner of his mind. The more he tries to narrow in on it, though, the further away it skirts just out of his grasp. On the flip side, he can't ignore it, either. It’s like having a tiny persistent wasp stuck in his head.

“This—this is getting old,” Makoto stammers, obviously trying to steel himself up. Haru can feel the waves of fear through the false bravado he's trying to put up. “Whatever you heard, Nagisa, it isn't funny, so how about we turn around now and—”

A can rolls across the floor and hits the wall, like someone just kicked it. Makoto lets out a normally impossible high-pitched shriek and all but dives to hide behind Haru. The pressure of his fingers digging into Haru’s shoulders are starting to hurt a little. 

“Ghosts can't kick,” Haru says plainly.

“Yeah, it was me,” Nagisa admits, sticking his tongue out in mild embarrassment. “Sorry about that.”

Makoto gives him a withering look. “You did it on purpose, didn't you?”

“Mako-chan still gets frightened so easily.”

“If you know that then please stop messing around!”

Haru tunes out the rest of their argument, honing in on that tiny wasp in his head. The sensation weakens, and he wonders if perhaps he was just imagining things—if, for a moment, he merely imagined the wasp to be red in colour.

Luckily for Makoto’s lifespan, the rest of the SC isn't as desolate. The lockers are still covered in childish colourful drawings of crabs and dolphins and penguins, even if the paint is peeling off somewhat. The shower areas are surprisingly clean, too. Instead of the algae Haru was expecting, it still looks nearly as good as new, if he overlooks the tiny gatherings of rust on the shower heads and knobs.

The photographs on the walls of the common room are what really captures their attention, though. Nagisa bounds ahead and hones in on the framed picture of the three of them and Rin, who's holding their relay trophy. At once, memories flood through the bond. Judging by the way Makoto and Nagisa gasp and grab their heads, they feel it too. 

The clear blue water of the pool, the sight of Makoto's powerful strokes cutting through the water, Nagisa's arms stretching like elastic as he catches up to and then overtakes his opponents in the return lap, Rin’s arms swinging up and down in resemblance of the world's most vicious butterfly as he completes his leg of the relay; the feeling of the water enveloping Haru when he dives in after Rin. Everyone’s arms around each other and cacophony of cheers and tears brought on by the victory—their victory. They won only because of everyone’s efforts; because as a unit, they were greater than the mere sum of their parts.

Haru blinks, chasing away the memories. That's enough; there isn't any point in pursuing times long gone. Instead, he glances away from the photograph, embarrassed. He can't believe after all these years, the photograph is still proudly on display for people to see. Well, not for long, he supposes, since the place is due to be torn down soon. The thought fills him with an odd sense of sad wistfulness, though he doesn't know why. It’s not like he has set foot in this place in ages. The times of elementary school have had their moment, and that moment is now over.

“Haru? Haru!”

Haru takes a moment to re-orientate himself back to the real world. Slowly, he rises back up to his full height and joins Makoto and Nagisa at the entrance of the common room. 

Like the intrepid adventurer he is, Nagisa gamely leads them through another hallway. Makoto drags himself along behind Haru, clinging to the back of his sweatshirt all the while. If it were anyone else, Haru would have slapped their hand off (well, anyone minus Nagisa too, he supposes), but he has long since gotten used to Makoto’s timidness. Actually, Makoto’s familiar presence reassures him too, though not for the same reasons that holding Haru reassures Makoto. It was nearly gone earlier, but the tiny red wasp is back, buzzing in the back of his mind like an annoying reminder of something long gone. He thinks he knows what it is, but— 

Haru hears the sounds of heavy, deliberate footsteps echoing through the adjacent hallway before he feels it—something flaring to full life in the deepest, most buried away corner of his mind. A colour he hasn't felt this intensely in three years: a powerful red that demands absolute attention.

As if the sudden burst of red wasn't enough, a bombardment of fleeting images flashes through his mind: landscapes Haru is positive can't be found in Japan, snippets of conversations in English, and feelings of horror, bitterness and a grim, hardened determination.

Confirming his suspicions, Matsuoka Rin comes into full view. He tilts his head and appraises them, before greeting with a curt, “Yo.”

“No way,” Nagisa whispers. He winces, likely feeling another burst of red. “You're not—”

“I think it is…” Makoto says, staring wide-eyed at the phantom figure in front of them.

Rin tugs on the strap of his cap and releases it with a sharp snap—one of his many unexplainable habits. “I didn't think I’d meet you guys here, but I couldn't ignore the sudden burst of colours through our Bond.”

“Rin-chan!”

“Rin! It’s been a long time, hasn't it?”

Haru doesn't say a word. He can't, even if he wanted to, because he can tell that _this_ Rin isn't the same Rin from the medley relay they swam together five years ago. The colour of his Bond is still the same, but it _feels_ different now. It’s like there is something actively tugging at all the Bonds tinged red, trying to snap them.

Either cluelessly or knowing the facts and opting to ignore them, Nagisa bounds forward and grabs Rin’s wrists. “Rin-chan, you're back from Australia! You should’ve contacted us!”

Rin merely glances down at Nagisa with an unreadable expression. In fact, the emotions bubbling through his end of the Bond are plenty unreadable. Haru knows this means something must be wrong, because the Rin he used to know wore his heart on his sleeve proudly for the rest of the world to see. Guilt washes over Haru like a tidal wave; the race from three years ago must have hurt Rin even more than he had realised.

“What are you doing here of all places, though?” Makoto asks.

“This is what we call fate,” Nagisa declares in Rin’s stead exuberantly. “A force that's invisible to the naked eye has gathered us here today! Or maybe it’s just the Bond. Well, even then, the Bond is pretty cool itself—”

“Haru.” Rin’s eyes fix on Haru like the aim of a sniper. “You're still hanging out with these guys? Tch, you’re really just making things harder for yourself.”

A confusing mixture of emotions boil in Haru. Annoyance at the suggestion that there is anyone else he'd be hanging out with—Nagisa and Makoto are essentially the only ones he has—but there's also confusion, because the way Rin said it…

 _No, he doesn't know,_ Haru tells himself firmly, squashing down that one small bubble of fear. _There's no way he could know._

Makoto flinches, clearly stung by Rin’s frostiness. “Rin, what are you talking about?”

“Who are you to say that?” Haru says evenly. “You should be worrying about yourself. Have _you_ made any progress?”

(His gut warns him that what Rin is alluding to isn't swimming, but for the sake of maintaining the pretense he has to keep up around Makoto and Nagisa, he rolls with it.)

As if reading Haru’s mind, a smirk splits across Rin’s face. He cracks his neck, a sharp sound slicing through the otherwise silent hallway. “Well, isn't this the perfect timing? You want to know if I have made any progress? Then let’s race, Haru. I’ll show you.”

“Fine.”

Haru follows Rin down the corridor to the pool, and Makoto and Nagisa hastily catch up to their wide strides. 

The moment they arrive at the pool, Haru and Rin fling their clothes off in unison, leaving them in their jammers. In the background, Haru can faintly hear Makoto telling them what a bad idea this is, they're going to get into so much trouble etc. The blood pounding through Haru drowns Makoto’s warnings out, though. All he's laser-focused on is Rin and the confusing muddle of emotions from his end of the Bond.

Like the anticlimactic ending to a bad movie, though, it’s only when they are up on the diving platforms that they realise that the pool is empty. All that resides in it now are a couple of mice that scamper away when Nagisa beams his flashlight at them.

“Tch, lame.” Rin rips the goggles off his head and steps down from the platform. He strides to his jacket and fishes out a trophy. “You guys came back for this, didn't you?”

“Oh, our relay trophy!” Nagisa cries out. “We were wondering why we couldn't find it earlier.”

“I don't need this old thing anymore,” Rin says dismissively. He tosses it to the ground like a used wad of tissue before taking his leave without so much as a goodbye. 

Haru isn't one for pleasantries, but the hurt emanating from the yellow and green Bonds is practically palpable. Nagisa and Makoto watch Rin’s outline disappear into the darkness in shock.

“Rin-chan… has changed, hasn't he?” Nagisa asks quietly, as if just realising it now. “The Bond feels weird, doesn't it?”

“Oh, I thought I was the only one,” Makoto says. “I thought there was something off about it, but I couldn't put my finger on what, exactly. Haru, do you have any idea?”

Haru averts his eyes. “Why ask me? I haven't seen him in years, just like you guys.”

Nagisa plants himself in front of Haru, forcing his way into Haru’s view once more. “But Haru-chan is the core of our Bond, so your Bond with everyone is the strongest, right? Do you feel anything in your Bond with Rin-chan that Mako-chan and I can't feel?”

Haru silently curses how surprisingly astute Nagisa can be, with or without the Bond, and especially when it is least convenient for him.

“Ehh? Haru-chan, why are you cursing me?” 

“Nothing,” Haru mutters.

“Is ‘nothing’ referring to Nagisa asking why you're cursing him or the part about your Bond with—”

“It doesn't matter if anything is different or not,” Haru replies tersely. “Rin’s feelings are his own business. It’s just a pain that we have to deal with them too.”

He gets dressed and strides out of the room, leaving no further room for argument. Behind him, Makoto chuckles to himself, “That sounds just like Haru.”

It does, because that is technically the truth while also hiding the actual thing Haru doesn't want them to know: Rin is _definitely_ hiding something—something to do with Haru. 

* * *

The usual repercussions of breaking and entering old abandoned swim clubs come to bite them in the ass the following morning: they get a tongue-lashing for their late-night escapades but otherwise get off lightly, surprisingly enough. After that, the three part ways to sit through a series of mind-numbingly boring classes in their respective classrooms (for all of Nagisa’s company, Haru sometimes forgets about the one-year age gap between them), and engage in a heated debate during lunch about whether the Rin they met last night was merely a dream, ghost or doppelganger. All of the inputs are Haru’s, declared in sarcasm as part of an effort to hide just how unsettled he is by Rin’s sudden reappearance in his life and what that means for him. 

As one normally does, they meet a girl who is none other than their old-friend-turned-vaguely-hostile-associate’s younger sister: Matsuoka Gou, or ‘Kou’, as she is very insistent they call her. More specifically, Makoto and Nagisa are the ones who meet her while Haru spends his afternoon wasting away in the tub. Upon learning from her that Rin attends Samezuka Academy, a prestigious private school known as the local swimming powerhouse, and that Rin is for some reason _not_ on said swim team, Nagisa and Makoto attempt to haul Haru there. He refuses, until Makoto mentions that there's probably an indoor pool at Samezuka, and Haru caves once more. 

Like the good students they are after having learned a harsh lesson about breaking into and entering private property, the three of them break into and enter Samezuka’s indoor pool the moment the swim team’s practice is over. Haru wastes no time getting his uniform off, with his jammers underneath obviously, and dives into the pool.

Relief floods his senses. While he has nothing against his tub at home, it can't beat the sheer expanse of clean water only a pool can give to him. Back in the water that accepts him with a gentle embrace, he slips back into old, honed instincts. His feet kick on their own, propelling his body forward, while his arms move back and forth in sync to carve an opening in the water’s surface for him to slide his body through. Every stroke blends together to create a single coordinated movement, delivering him from one end to the pool to the other and back again.

A familiar, burning energy buzzes right under the surface of his skin, but it is nothing more than a whisper from the past. Haru takes that energy, shoves it into a nondescript box, and stuffs it away. He can't toss it out, but he won't let it interfere with what little time he has left with his friends. One day, he will have to open that box again and allow the ugly, excruciating contents to consume him—but for today, he is merely Haru, a boy whom the water readily and wholeheartedly accepts.

Nagisa doesn't share Haru’s habit of wearing his jammers under his clothes (a shame, really), but nothing—no social conventions, no sense of shame—can stop him from doing what he wants. He leaps into the pool after Haru, stark naked, and drags Makoto in by the foot.

For a blissful while, it’s like the three of them have been transported back to their elementary school days, splashing around and gliding in the pool. Haru isn't one for indulging in memories of what has long gone, but in the pool he makes an exception. In one smooth motion, he flips himself over onto his back and permits the water to take him where it pleases. 

The moment is promptly dampened when a familiar figure storms up to the pool and glares down at them.

“What the hell do you guys want from me?” Rin snaps.

“Rin!”

“We came to see you!” Nagisa chirps. “How are y—”

“Get out of here.”

“But Rin-chan—”

“Get. Out,” Rin enunciates with chilling ferocity.

Haru dives down, twists his body through the narrow passage between Nagisa and Makoto, and surfaces between them and Rin as if to protect them. 

“Free.”

“Excuse me?” Rin demands.

“We didn't get to have our _free_ race at the SC,” Haru explains. He hauls himself out of the pool to meet Rin eye-to-eye, and he keeps his stare focused on Rin to see if there are any changes in his reaction. “According to my grandmother, we have three more years before we supposedly become ordinary humans. I couldn't wait for those three years to pass—” (Because he _literally_ couldn't.) “—but for what it’s worth right now…”

Rin’s eyebrows pinch together. He either completely doesn't understand what Haru is trying to get at… or he understands it all _too_ well.

A memory flickers through the Bond: Rin, standing before Haru under the cherry blossom tree with his arms crossed behind his head, making a bold declaration to Haru in a final attempt to get him to join his relay team.

 _I'll show you a sight you've never seen before._

It was five years ago. Things from five years ago should stay where they were buried five years ago. 

But the feeling of being in a proper pool again, having the water embrace him as if to welcome him back after a long time apart, and with the reappearance of Rin, the one who promised to show Haru something he'd never seen before—before his time left in Iwatobi is up, he might as well see that sight again.

“The sight from that time—show it to me again. I have forgotten what I had seen.”

A series of emotions pass over Rin’s face: confusion, irritation, and then his familiar determined bravado. “Fine, if that's what you want. But I’ll show you something totally different this time. Brace yourself.” 

Part of Haru feels like there's a part of that sentence Rin has left intentionally unspoken, but with Rin hastily ripping his uniform off, he decides it’s not important. 

Once Rin is undressed, they clamber onto the diving platforms, as if they were kids all over again. Except they're not—Rin’s personality is a total 180 flip from the Rin who had pestered Haru into joining the relay and declared they shared an Empathy Bond, and the red Bond itself isn't brimming with the same plucky cheer anymore.

“Well, looks like you guys are still the same,” Rin says dismissively. “You're still doing weird things that make people wonder what the hell you're up to.”

“Half of it was your doing,” Haru reminds him. “Hurry up and get ready, Rin.”

“And you're as cold and aloof as ever, I see. Well—” Rin’s voice drops to a mutter. “—that makes my job here a lot easier, then.”

Just then, a wave of muted sadness creeps through the Bond… as if Rin is actively trying to _hide_ his feelings from Haru, but a little still slips through nonetheless. Sadness? In which universe would Rin ever be _sad_ about having to race Haru? Unless this has anything to do with their race from three years ago… No, it can't be, especially if Rin is going around challenging Haru like this.

Well, Haru reasons with himself, it’s not anything he should pry into. What Rin does or doesn't do with his emotions is none of Haru’s business; he just wishes he couldn't feel them as strongly as he can.

Makoto gives them the starting signal, and they're off.

In the water now, Haru can really feel how _different_ Rin is now. His kicks and strokes are more powerful than ever, especially after the kick-off from the wall into the turn. Something burns in Haru’s chest as he watches Rin pull ahead of him; something he hasn't felt in years—the fierce, near- _incandescent_ feeling that there is someone whom the water accepts with open arms even more than himself.

That's right. Ever since he quit competitive swimming, nothing has gotten him this fired up about swimming. He has almost forgotten what it was like to share a pool with someone else who has the same passion he does for being in and with the water.

His hands slam against the wall barely a second after Rin’s. With a gasp for air, Haru uprights himself and yanks his cap and goggles off, shaking the water out of his hair.

He eyes Rin, who cheers for his own victory in his lane. Even though Haru’s pride feels somewhat stung, he mostly feels relieved. He was worried that if he beat Rin again like he did three years ago, Rin would really give up swimming this time.

“You won, Rin,” Haru says. “That's great.”

Rin’s victorious grin gives way to a poisonous glare. “‘That's great’?” he repeats incredulously. He snatches the goggles around Haru’s neck and yanks him close. 

Haru can feel Rin’s rage and confusion rolling in huge waves through the Bond, but his pride refuses to let him be intimidated by it. In response, he tilts his head up to regard Rin. “What's your problem this time?”

“What's _my_ problem? Does this mean _nothing_ to you? What the hell have you been doing the past three years since I last saw you?”

“Three years?” Makoto echoes, confused.

“So you're not taking swimming seriously anymore—is that what this is about?” Rin yells over Makoto. Spit flies from his mouth and lands on Haru. “Tell me, Haru! Tell me I wasted all those years in Australia, only to come back to find that you're not taking this seriously anymore!”

“Not everyone is a competition freak like you,” Haru says coolly.

“Bastard, this isn't even about—it’s about—”

The Bond tinged with hues of blue and red strain at the seams—Rin is holding himself back for whatever reason, as though he's trying to vent his anger without accidentally revealing something he shouldn't to Haru. Haru’s suspicion spikes, but before he can decide if he wants to know what it is, an adult shows up with a disapproving look on his face.

Even a group of teenagers who share a not-psychic bond can't do much against the actual authority of a teacher who has rightfully caught them doing something against the rules. With not much they can do against said furious teacher, they stand around and endure a severe tongue-lashing which Haru tunes out after the first fifteen seconds.

There are more pressing things for him to think about. Cutting through the haze of confusion regarding Rin’s emotions, or lack thereof through the Bond, one feeling stands out among the rest: Haru wants to swim again, for real.

* * *

To Makoto’s great surprise (Haru doesn't see what the big deal is), Haru agrees to Nagisa’s proposal of starting a swim club with no fuss at all. It’s not like he has anything _against_ the idea, since being in the swim club means he will get to be in a proper pool again.

He's feeling far less eager about it when Amakata-sensei announces they have to clean the pool all by themselves. It is a cold spring afternoon and the pool is _gross._ Haru has never had to deal with particularly disgusting messes, because he keeps the house in fairly good shape. He isn't a messy person by nature, since mess makes him feel trapped, and all the weeds growing in the school’s abandoned pool and the dirt caking the floor make him feel _very_ trapped.

But his desire to swim in a proper pool again instead of merely sitting in his tub outweighs the disgust. (Well, that, and Nagisa and Amakata-sensei's unspoken threats hidden beneath their saccharine sweet smiles too, he supposes.)

As he's busy mopping the pool while the others are taking a break, Haru wonders how much faster this whole process it would be if he could use his superstrength to scrub away all the dirt. He eyes the hose beside the pool—it’s right there, just out of reach. And there isn't anyone around, too. No one would see if he activated his powers just a little to complete this menial task.

But then he remembers the burning pain that seizes his body upon activating his superhuman-mermaid powers. The agony bubbling right beneath the surface that led to the blast five years ago—it isn't something he can easily forget.

 _This is fine,_ he decides. He can continue with the pretense that he is an ordinary seventeen-year-old boy while he still can.

* * *

After a long Saturday afternoon spent labouring in the pool, Haru doesn't protest when Makoto asks if he can go over to his place to cool down and have popsicles. As usual, Makoto breaks off half of his and feeds it to Haru. It’s an easy groove they have fallen into long ago, dating past middle school and maybe even elementary school. For as long as Haru can remember walking home from places with Makoto, they have always split their popsicles in half, and Makoto has always fed Haru his piece.

There are plenty of things that go unspoken between them, and not just because of the Bond. Even before that, they didn't need to verbally communicate much to understand each other. And now, Haru certainly doesn't need words from Makoto to affirm the boundless and unconditional affection permeating through the Bond in which blue and green seep into each other, so intertwined it's impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. 

They toe off their shoes at the porch before stepping in. Haru announces he's going to see his grandma upstairs. 

“Can I come along too?” Makoto asks, even though he doesn't need to. Chie practically adopted him as an honourary grandson when she was still alive (or grandson-in-law, as she often liked to tease). And even if she hadn't, some company might be nice. Well, specifically _Makoto’s_ company—if water is where Haru feels the freest and safest, her shrine is where he feels the most vulnerable. Having Makoto's large and familiar presence by his side helps to at least neutralise any feelings of vulnerability. 

Gingerly, Haru opens the room to Chie’s old room where he keeps her shrine. He does some mandatory cleaning to get rid of the dust, lights up the incense sticks, and kneels down before her photograph with his hands clasped and head lowered. Makoto kneels down beside him and puts his hands together too.

Haru isn't one for traditions. He doesn't even use _keigo_ all that often, even with Makoto’s repeated prompting. But he isn't doing this for the sake of tradition; he loves his grandma deeply, and this is the most fitting way he can find to honour her in her death.

He closes his eyes and begins his usual prayer. It starts out with his usual updates of how his life is going, but something new coalesces into a thick lump in his throat. He doesn't just owe her updates; he owes her an apology.

 _I'm sorry,_ he whispers, like a child caught doing something naughty, except he didn't apologise all that much even as a child. _After everything you did to raise me and keep me safe, it’s gonna go to waste. I'm… I'm losing time._

He remembers the aftermath of the lab incident five years ago; how she single-handedly raised him—well, even more so than before—and taught him everything he needed to know to be independent. It’s only thanks to her that he has been able to survive on his own for this long.

Last year, a mere month before he was due to begin high school, she passed away under unclear circumstances, as far as he was aware. All he knew was that one night, she had randomly decided to up and go to Australia where his grandfather was, with no explanation whatsoever. Three nights later, he got a call informing him that she had apparently gotten caught in the crossfire of a fight and died, or something along those lines. The person on the other end might have given him more details, but his brain checked out the moment the news had been dumped on him like an unwelcome bucket of ice over his head. He flung the phone aside. In the wake of his overwhelming denial, he only knew one thing: he needed water. 

So he ran to the beach, because tub water just didn't cut it anymore, and if he stayed in the house where his grandma once lived the grief might just kill him. He ripped his shirt off, left it somewhere on the beach, and swam as far as he could from the town before his power forcibly activated itself. Scales erupted all over his body; the bones and muscles and tendons in his legs forcefully rearranged themselves into a long blue tail. All the while, even in the freezing ocean, pain burned him alive from the inside out. He knew it was possible, very possible, to die from a broken heart. In the seconds or hours he remained in the ocean, he wondered if that was the moment he was going to see his grandma again.

Makoto was the one who saved him. He must have felt Haru’s overpowering distress through the Bond and used it to pinpoint his location. And Makoto, the same Makoto who had been terrified out of his mind of the ocean ever since he was a little kid, dived into the open treacherous waters with zero hesitation whatsoever to coax Haru back into his human form and bring him back to land before he got hypothermia. That was when Haru realised the full extent of how much and deeply Makoto loved him—that he was willing to dive headfirst into the thing he feared the most for Haru's sake. 

Up to this day, the guilt of forcing Makoto to face the ocean still lingers with Haru. Every time he passes by the beach, he wishes he could have found a different way to deal with his grief back then; found a different body of water, broke into the old SC, or even settled for the bath tub instead of being a picky idiot.

See, this is why emotions—especially his own—never mean anything good for Haru or the one he loves more than anything else. 

And that is why now, Haru has vowed to do anything and everything he can to protect Makoto from the ocean.

Haru realises he just told his grandmother all this, and embarrassment seeps in. If she were still alive, she would have admonished him for letting his powers control him instead of the other way round and putting Makoto in danger, then pulled him into a warm, tight hug.

He decides to change the subject from Makoto.

_Some… someone came back a while back. He's different now, and I don't understand why. And…_

Haru hesitates. He wonders if this would be baring his soul too much—but then he remembers there is nothing he can hide from her. 

_I don't know if it’s worth it, with what little time I have left… but I think I'm going to start swimming again for real._

He lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. That was way more emotional investment than he'd anticipated and now he thinks it’s time to check out. He asks Chie to watch over him wherever he goes, then cracks his eyes open again. 

To his surprise, Makoto’s eyes are already open. That's odd; normally, it’s Haru who finishes his prayers first, being the more laconic one between the two of them.

Makoto doesn't say a word. He just lifts his hand to Haru’s face and wipes away tears Haru wasn't aware he shed. Definitely too much emotional investment today, but if it’s just Makoto and his late grandma in the room with him he supposes it isn't as bad.

“It’s difficult around this time of the year, isn't it?”

Technically, Makoto doesn't have to say it out loud. The both of them know it without expressing it verbally. While Makoto generally operates with the knowledge that Haru isn't one for many words and is able to fill the gaps on his own, Haru knows he feels the need to say certain things out loud for his own sake, and so Haru doesn't fight against it.

In response, Haru casts his eyes down to the tatami mat beneath them. He doesn't know or even have the words.

Makoto knows everything Haru doesn't say. He shifts closer, lacing their fingers together on the mat between them, and continues, “It has been over a year already… time sure goes by. Your grandfather—when was the last time we saw him? Last year during the funeral? Yeah, I think that was it. He looked really different, didn't he? I was worried he hadn't been taking care of himself in Australia.”

Haru remembers that—his grandfather returning with a hardened look in his eyes (even more so than usual, and he had trained in the special forces in his prime), more scars on his hands than Haru recalled, and an odd limp in his gait that had definitely not been there when Haru had last seen him. He remembers the gruff way Hayate comforted him, even in his own grief—rough pats on the back, tousling of Haru’s hair, reminders that he was strong. 

After the funeral, Hayate stayed for a few months to take care of Haru—if ‘taking care’ involved shutting himself in his and Chie’s old room for most of the day and only emerging when Haru made dinner. Haru had no idea what Hayate was up to in the room, and it wasn't any of his business to go prying. 

Partway through June, Hayate gathered his things and returned to Australia. While he is at the present moment still Haru’s legal guardian, Haru is essentially on his own now. Occasionally, the Tachibanas invite him over for dinner and rounds of video games with Ran and Ren in Makoto’s room, but otherwise he cooks, cleans and keeps himself entertained in the tub on his own. He is a well-functioning orphan.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto murmurs. “I'm trying, but I really don't know what to say in this type of situation.”

In times like these, when Haru wants to talk but his voice is resolutely stuck in his throat, he squeezes Makoto’s hand three times; his way of saying “It’s okay, thank you, I love you”. For good measure, he tilts his head and presses his mouth gently against Makoto’s jaw. While Haru's stance regarding physical contact is firmly neutral, he knows it is one of Makoto’s primary love languages, and Makoto's surprised smile as well as the fresh pulses of affection through the Bond make it worth it. 

They could stay like this for hours and Haru wouldn't feel bored. Well, mostly, since part of him would eventually start yearning for the water again. But simply being by Makoto’s side, feeling his warmth pressed against him like a reassurance that he will always be there—it is enough. They have never outright _said_ what they are—are they friends? Best friends? Lovers?—but there is no need to. They both know innately, deep in their hearts that they have given to the other for safekeeping, that they are soulmates, and that is enough for Haru.

Haru knows his days are numbered. He also knows that trying to stop the passage of time is like trying to hold water in your bare hands.

But while he still has his days of freedom left, he allows himself to indulge in the firm, gentle but never overpowering enough-ness of Makoto. 

* * *

The yellow, green and blue Bonds are active but dim in the back of Rin’s mind. Good; it looks like he's alone in the abandoned SC tonight, just as he wants it. Meeting those three again and the ensuing flash of colours through the Bond has taken him a while to adjust back to. He even had to take the day off from school earlier today because his head was hurting that badly. Even now, it still aches, but it’s more of a dull ache he can easily ignore. After the horrors he barely escaped by the skin of his teeth in Australia, there is a lot of pain that he can take. 

Besides, the romantic in him—that has stubbornly remained with him through all the trials and tribulations in Australia—insists that the Bond is special. It’s _theirs_. It’s a unique force no science can explain, connecting him with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa in a way that transcends physical space and defies logic. The theorist part of Rin has asserted that something like this shouldn't be possible, but the part of him that was at GREAT’s branch in Japan five years ago knows otherwise. 

The hopeless romantic in him believed—still believes—it’s meant to be. The Bond wasn't just something born from a supernatural moment of distress; it was fate telling them that their paths were _meant_ to intersect and continue to be interwoven for the rest of their lives. Rin has always found something romantic about fate and the way fate has a tendency of bringing people together. Fate brought them together at Iwatobi SC—even if he did move there himself, and that was because he was so awed by the way Haru swam and that _had_ to be fate too. The Bond was merely the manifestation of the fate that held them together. That was why he held it close to his heart, even after the Bonds became dim due to the sheer amount of distance between Australia and Japan. Even now, he still treasures it. 

But _now,_ he knows he has to destroy it. For Haru’s good, even if it rips him apart to do so.

Rin pauses in the common room. The photograph of him, Nagisa, Makoto and Haru posing with the trophy is gone—those three must have taken it. Sentimental idiots. 

It’s just as well, though. If he allowed nostalgia to control him, he wouldn't be able to complete what he set out to do when he fled Australia.

Rin continues walking along the ‘wall of fame’, as he called it in his childhood. There, hung up like a star above all the rest, is a picture of his father with his own relay team all the way back in the early days of Iwatobi SC. A sad smile tugs at the corners of Rin's mouth as he rests his forehead against the photo frame.

 _Dad, tell me,_ he pleads. Thinking of his agenda in Japan, his heart aches. _Can I have it all? My childhood goal to beat him, my original dream of becoming a pro swimmer because you couldn't, and my new goal to save him—can I really do it all?_

His father's photograph doesn't respond. Rin doesn't need it to, though. He knows very well what he has to do, limitations or not. He can have his dream, and he can give Haru the freedom he deserves from those numbered days.

No matter what, he has to beat Haru. Not just to become the best, but to save him too.

And his heart breaks once more, because no matter whether his plan succeeds or fails, he will never get to swim with Haru again after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to all the lives hurt and lost due to the heartbreaking, tragic fire at KyoAni. KyoAni has brought so much love and joy and touched so many lives around the world—mine included—and it's absolutely horrifying that so many wonderful and talented people were injured and killed all because of one man's hatred. if you can, please support KyoAni by donating to this [fundraiser](https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-kyoani-heal).


	3. been a lot of lonely places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swimming isn't the only place where Rei feels like an outsider. Even out of the pool, it is apparent to him that Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa share something he isn't privy to—and he gets a bizarre feeling that this ‘something’ is more than just a shared history. It’s like they can… read each other in a way that transcends ordinary human ability. Almost like it’s _psychic_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title inspired by ['The Outside' by Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07NRtYQvpIk).

When Ryugazaki Rei began his first year, he had two goals to achieve in his three-year career at Iwatobi High School: get outstanding grades, and excel on the track team. Having done track ever since elementary school, he believed the latter wouldn't be that hard of a feat to accomplish. And he has been getting excellent grades his whole life, so that is not something to worry about.

The second goal gets barreled through and tossed out of the window by the force of nature, disarming charm and iron persistence known as Hazuki Nagisa.

That boy… completely defies logic. That is the only way Rei knows how to put it. But what defies logic even more is that Rei—a person who operates on nothing but pure solid facts—is inexplicably drawn to Hazuki. Even if Hazuki's efforts to get him to join the swim club do annoy him, he can't help but admire his tenacity and passion at least. While he doesn't find swimming to be beautiful in the least bit—why would you intentionally subject yourself to flailing about in a substance that possesses over twelve times the resistance of clear, flowing air while suffocating yourself in said substance for several seconds at a time?—he can appreciate the beauty in people’s passions.

Hazuki's persistence is still a pain, though, especially when he pretty much crashes Rei’s daily run to school one morning.

“Why do you keep insisting on asking me to join your swim club?” Rei asks, his tone clipped and terse. He's careful not to waste too much breath; every breath lost can have drastic effects on his form and stamina.

Hazuki lets out a thoughtful hum (Rei is surprised he is even capable of that—he always thought Hazuki's head was filled with cotton fluff and air). “Hmm, it’s probably ‘cause you have a girly name!”

Affronted, Rei screeches to a halt and whips around to glare at his classmate. “That's it?!”

“We have a theme going on, see! I'm Nagisa, and the other two guys, Mako-chan and Haru-chan, have girly names too. Our manager, Gou-chan, is a girl but she has a boyish name. You'd fit in perfectly!”

“Aren't those two your senpai?” Rei points out witheringly. “Shouldn't you address them more respectfully?”

Hazuki giggles; a sound that the part of Rei with admittedly poorer judgement can't help but find endearing. “I’ve been friends with Mako-chan and Haru-chan ever since we were in elementary school, ‘cause we swam at Iwatobi SC together. They're fine with it, even Haru-chan! He acts grumpy and cold, but I know he's always smiling on the inside.” 

While certainly sweet and heartwarming, that fails to sway Rei. He refuses to be swayed by something as illogical as _emotions_. “In any case, I have no intention to join your swim club, especially for such a shallow reason, so would you please leave me alone now?”

“More importantly than that, though,” Hazuki adds as if not hearing Rei, “it’s because of how beautiful you looked.”

 _What kind of flirting is this supposed to be?_

Rei regards him skeptically. “Excuse me?”

“Your pole vaulting, and the way you looked when you jumped. It was really beautiful, Rei-chan! It was a sight I had never seen before.”

Rei’s eyes widen, before he feels heat creep up his neck and settle in his face. Emotions? Ha, like he would ever let something as illogical as _that_ dictate his decisions. But being told his form is beautiful, and with such genuine refreshing honesty? Slowly, he can feel Hazuki's small delicate hands teasing apart the walls Rei had carefully built.

He needs to put up some semblance of resistance, now that Hazuki has caught him at his most vulnerable. “I mean…” He glances away from Hazuki's earnest gaze and adjusts his glasses. “I was just following theories and calculations when jumping, that's all.”

“That's still impressive,” Hazuki says, tilting his head and smiling sheepishly. “Like me—I’m bad at, like, stuff that needs calculating and logic. I go by on instincts, see?”

Rei would call himself an idiot if he somehow missed that fact. Someone who keeps hounding one particular person to join their club even after having been told ‘no’ so many times can't be a person who operates on logic.

“That's why—” Hazuki spreads his arms out wide from his body. “—I’m hoping that you'll use your theories and calculations to look beautiful while swimming!”

Ugh, this again. Rei takes a deep breath, gathers all his empirical evidence to back up his argument, before declaring, “That is impossible. In order to swim, an individual must flap their arms and legs underwater while struggling to break the surface for a tiny gasp of air before subjecting themselves to the same suffocation again. There's no way—no calculations, no theories, nothing!—that anyone can look beautiful doing that!”

Hazuki doesn't seem ruffled, merely surprised. “Is that so? But Haru-chan is a beautiful swimmer.”

Something in Rei comes undone. Someone has somehow found a way to make swimming look beautiful? Someone has done the impossible? Rei’s beauty-seeking radar is pinging with curiosity, but he hides it behind a curt “That Haru-chan person again?” before resuming his jog to school.

If it is possible for swimming to be as beautiful as track, Rei wants to meet the Haru-chan who has made it so. He needs to seek out and appreciate beauty in all its many forms, before proceeding to emulate that beauty.

Hence, when he and Hazuki arrive in front of the school gate and Hazuki calls out “Haru-chan! Mako-chan!”, Rei knows he has to seize this opportunity. He strides up to the two upperclassmen, whom he notices don't seem surprised to see or hear Nagisa… almost as if they already knew he was coming. Which is impossible, obviously—there’s no way anyone can tell someone is approaching them without even seeing or hearing them.

Rei brushes that silly notion aside. He stops in front of the two upperclassmen, appraises them, and determines the one with dark hair and blue eyes to be the fabled Haru-chan. He doesn't go by anything as stupid and illogical as stereotypes or intuition, but by the order in which they responded to Nagisa; the dark-haired one acknowledged Nagisa a split second before the other brunet one did, which followed the order in which Nagisa called out to them. See, using logic is fun. 

Rei sizes him up. He can't tell much because of the uniform, but this Haru-chan seems to be slender yet well-toned with the perfect streamlined figure needed for swimming. Rei can certainly see why, at first glance, why Hazuki is of the opinion that this Haru-chan is a beautiful swimmer, but Rei needs proper empirical proof.

“You must be Haru-chan-san,” Rei greets with his flawless _keigo_. 

“Don't call me ‘chan’ and ‘san’ at the same time,” Haru-chan-san snaps, nailing Rei with a glare that could cripple a lesser life form.

Intimidation techniques—even by an upperclassman—don't work on Rei, as they target your emotional receptors and it has been established that he does not act on emotional impulses. (Okay, maybe it does a _little_ , but in Rei’s defense those cold blue eyes really look like they could kill, as illogical as that sounds.) 

He adjusts his stance and turns to address Hazuki. “I'm willing to participate in this joint practice you were telling me about earlier, but _only_ as a trial member.”

Nagisa’s face lights up like the first rays of sunshine after a long winter night. “Oh, really?!”

“ _But_ only on one condition: _I_ won't be doing any swimming. I will merely be observing.”

“That's fine!” Hazuki chirps, looping his arm around Rei’s to drag him through the gates. “I'm so happy to have you on the team, Rei-chan!”

“I told you, I am not officially on the team!” 

Yes, all he will be doing is strict observing. He will see what the fabled Haru-chan-san’s swimming is like, assess whether it truly lives up to the speculations of its beauty, then take his leave. That will be all.

* * *

This Samezuka team certainly exudes the vibe of a powerhouse school. Standing with the comparably tiny Iwatobi team consisting of Tachibana the captain, Nanase the vice-captain (even though he hasn't done all that much to demonstrate his vice-captainship), Hazuki the treasurer (Rei is surprised that they trust him to be responsible for their money… perhaps he has some hidden depths that Rei is not aware of) and Matsuoka the manager, Rei feels like a clueless rock in a sea of sharks, dolphins, orcas and even a cheerily gliding penguin.

Speaking of Samezuka, there is a redheaded fellow who appears to be a male version of Matsuoka. His behaviour can most definitely _not_ be called beautiful. An ugly feeling plants its long, spindly roots in Rei’s chest as he watches this fellow—Rin-chan, if Hazuki's excited greeting is anything to go by—shoot Hazuki down by calling him, Tachibana and Nanase a waste of his time. When Rei glances quizzically at Tachibana, Tachibana simply sweeps it under the rug and says, “There's some… history there.”

The ugly feeling digs its roots deep, as if determined to stay.

Following all the logic in the world, what Rei _should_ do is declare that he knows next to nothing about swimming outside from a handful of mandatory PE classes during his elementary school days when the Samezuka captain—a tall, strapping redhead—calls him to the pool.

Having been told all his life how intelligent and brilliant he is, though, it’s hard for him to admit it when there is something he does not know how to do—impossible, basically.

And that is how he ends up making a total fool of himself when he flops into the pool and sinks to the bottom like a useless boulder.

He tells the concerned Hazuki, Tachibana and Matsuoka (Nanase is off being aloof by the poolside) that he didn't say anything because it wasn't beautiful to admit weakness—but it was really his own pride. His pride of needing to appear competent in all fields; his pride bolstered by years of being praised for his outstanding grades and stellar track performance, starting all the way from elementary school.

But when he watches Nanase dive into the pool and move through the water like it’s made for him, a fog lifts, revealing a gate so high and imposing that Rei can't see past it.

Nanase Haruka defies everything Rei has founded his world upon—logic, theories, calculations. Somehow, in that defiance, he is radiant, maybe even breath-taking. He has something far stronger and sturdier that Rei doesn't, and Rei wants it; he wants to know how someone can just… _perform_ —and beautifully so, at that—without having to rely on theories or calculations. That, he believes, has to be the pinnacle of beauty he has been seeking his whole life.

He wants to swim. He wants to swim, because he must find and grasp this pinnacle for himself.

_Can I learn to be like that too?_

* * *

Knowing what the pinnacle of beauty looks like and trying to emulate it for real are two entirely different things, as Rei finds out via his many not-swimming attempts in the pool. Makoto and Nagisa share the patience of saints while trying to teach him the basics of their specialty strokes, but Rei can tell they're getting stuck. Gou’s training menus work for everyone but him. Nagisa even tries enlisting Haruka’s assistance to teach Rei, but Haruka shoots him down, citing that it “requires effort” that he's obviously not interested in investing. Rei tries not to feel too stung by that, since he can see where Haruka is coming from—why should a natural and flawless expert at swimming like Haruka bother with a lowly beginner like Rei? If these guys came up to him and asked him to teach them track, he would probably say the same thing.

Still, it doesn't feel good when everyone else knows what they are doing while he is stuck flailing for his life in the pool. He feels like an outsider looking through a thick, impenetrable glass into the world of swimming.

Swimming isn't the only place where Rei feels like an outsider. Even out of the pool, it is apparent to him that Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa share something he isn't privy to—and he gets a bizarre feeling that this ‘something’ is more than just a shared history. It’s like they can… read each other in a way that transcends ordinary human ability. Almost like it’s _psychic._

 _Don't be illogical,_ Rei scolds himself. It is impossible for things of comic books and fantasy stories to exist in this world, which is founded upon proven facts, empirically formulated theories and science.

Nevertheless, this bizarre feeling continues to haunt him. It usually strikes when he notices the three of them randomly glancing at each other, which may or may not be followed by them grabbing their heads, as if struck by a sudden onset of a migraine which the three of them collectively share.

 _Maybe it’s some silly game from their childhood they still play as part of an inside joke,_ Rei reasons with himself. He does his best to ignore Makoto’s sudden wince when Nagisa gets particularly excited over a new limited edition of the Iwatobi Cream Bread.

“Tone it down a little, Nagisa,” Makoto chides, still wincing.

“Hm?” Nagisa continues taking clueless, cheerful bites of his beloved cream bread.

“Both of you, shut up,” Haruka snaps. He casts a deliberate look at Rei, who is simply trying to focus on consuming his lunch, and Rei’s heart sinks to the bottom of his gut the same way he does in the pool. Whatever Haruka is telling the others to shut up about, it’s evident that Rei is not a part of it.

 _It’s fine,_ Rei tells himself firmly, trying to ignore the sinking feeling. It is just an inside joke that he isn't privy to because he doesn't know them from the days of their childhood. This is not his concern; his only concern should be learning how to swim, or at least not sink like a rock in water.

Another thing Rei notices is that they talk a lot about the Rin-chan fellow who was rude to them at the swim meet, and who also apparently shares _some_ kind of loaded history with them. He finds this nearly as mind-boggling as their definitely-not psychic bond. It isn't difficult for him to infer that whatever their history is, it isn't a good one, so going by all accounts of logic they really shouldn't be so hung-up on a fellow like that. The past is the past and it ought to remain there, as there is no point deliberating and wasting your time over something you can't go back and change.

Really, the least logical thing about his new venture into swimming is not the sport itself, but rather the _teammates_ involved in said sport. And because it is not logical, he shouldn't be wasting _his_ time trying to figure it out.

However, Rei doesn't exactly have a record for doing what he should be doing and not doing what he shouldn't be doing.

After a lunch of bizarre collective migraines and bittersweet murmurs of Rin-chan’s name, Rei formally requests for the swim team’s manager to hang back with him as he has some pressing questions pertinent to swimming that he wishes to clarify with her.

“What is going on with them?” Rei instantly blurts out the moment he sees Makoto, Haruka and Nagisa’s figures disappear around the bend of the staircase.

“What do you mean, Rei-kun?” Gou asks, tilting her head curiously. “Is something wrong?”

Rei fiddles with his fingers behind his back. Now that he has finally confronted someone he believes can give him a straight answer, his nerve slips away from him. “It—it’s just—it’s about Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun—and their… their…”

Gou’s entire posture stiffens. “What about them?”

That physical, unconscious response; the clipped tone that is so unlike her normally sweet and bubbly voice… she must be in on it, too.

_Do you think they have a psychic bond that allows them to share headaches and predict when the others are about to appear?_

_No, that sounds dumb. Don't say that._

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary or frankly ridiculous at all!” Rei exclaims extra loudly in an attempt to cover up his definitely illogical train of thought. To further emphasise that he was _not_ just about to blurt out something incredibly silly, he tosses his head back and bellows out a stream of laughter, each bout sounding more hysterical than the last.

Gou visibly relaxes and smiles nervously up at him. “Is—is that so? We should get going to class, then! The bell is going to ring soon.”

“Yes, yes, of course! Being late for class—how preposterous and unbecoming of us!” 

Rei concludes his histrionic display when Gou turns around and hurries down the stairs from the rooftop—almost as if she's trying to escape from him.

That concludes it, then. Makoto, Haruka, Nagisa and even Gou—they’re hiding something for _sure_.

* * *

Tall faceless monsters pursue Rin relentlessly. Their claws, fangs and even guns are out. The sounds of gunshots threaten to deafen him. Hell, he's surprised he can still hear anything after the first round of warning shots.

He slams face-first into a brick wall. It’s not _his_ face he is using, exactly, but it still hurts. 

_It’s a good thing the guard already had such an ugly nose,_ he remarks wryly to himself, because it’s the only way he knows how to deal with danger.

He whips around and presses his back against the wall. The monsters form another wall before his eyes. It’s hopeless—no matter where he turns, there is a wall waiting for him, to catch him and then to kill him.

An old man materialises beside him. Rin should know his name; he has been working with this man for years now, but recalling his name is like trying to reach for a specific grain of sand at the bottom of the ocean while you're stuck on a ship on the surface and your hands are tied. The man’s movements are jerky and awkward. Rin casts his eyes down, and a choked gasp of horror escapes his dry throat. Blood; there's so much fucking blood spurting out of the man’s calf.

 _He took the shot for me,_ he realises, and the guilt threatens to swallow him whole.

Leering like the victorious predators they are, the faceless monsters advance towards them, closing the gap with mockingly tiny steps. But Rin refuses to close his eyes. If he's going to die, he's not going down a coward.

Tucked behind his lips, his teeth tingle with familiar power. But at the same time, he can feel the mask start to slip in areas—innocuous areas, thankfully, like a tiny patch of skin on his forehead or the corner of his eyebrow. But it wavers and threatens to shatter like someone has taken a hammer to a carefully crafted sculpture.

“Don't do it!” the old man rasps. “You know it’s either one or the other, and right now you need _this_ one!”

Frustrated tears slip down Rin’s face. He knows all too well the stupid limitations of his powers—if he has shapeshifted into another person, he can't use turn his teeth into fangs, and if he wants to weaponise his teeth then he has to discard his disguise. And he needs his disguise, because if the faceless monsters know who he is, they might hurt his mother and Gou. 

_I'm going to die before I can even get another chance to swim with Haru or Sousuke._

Solidifying from the shadows, an old woman Rin definitely recognises appears. She's like a knife planted between a legion of guns and two helpless victims, because what can one lady who has to be in her late seventies do against an army of monsters with piercing fangs and military-grade weapons? 

She raises her chin, as if beckoning the faceless monsters, and from her jacket she whips out two pistols. Okay, so maybe she _isn't_ as helpless as Rin initially thought.

With more agility than should be possible for a woman her age, she rolls on the ground to duck bullets and fires off a barrage of her own. Her aim is frighteningly accurate, almost like she can control where the bullets go. One by one, the monsters fall like dominoes, and hope starts to return to Rin. Maybe they’ll be okay, maybe everything will be fine and he can free H—

A bullet, fired from someplace higher than his line of sight, pierces right through the old woman’s chest.

_“CHIE!”_

Rin bolts upright, gasping for air. His hands fist the blankets tightly, like an anchor amidst choppy waters. He takes several deep breaths before taking stock of his surroundings. Bed, desk, walls, ladder to Nitori’s bunk above his. Right, he is in his dorm in Samezuka, not in Australia. There are no guns here or faceless monsters; just Nitori’s messy stack of books on his desk, Rin’s earphones strewn on the floor beside his iPod, and Nitori asleep above him.

“Matsuoka-senpai!”

Or not.

Rin whips around and nearly bashes Nitori’s nose with his. “What do you want?”

“Matsuoka-senpai, are you okay?” Nitori asks as he hops down the ladder and crouches down to peer at Rin. His eyebrows are furrowed together with worry, a look Rin has never liked on anyone.

“Of course I'm fine.”

The worried expression doesn't leave Nitori’s face. “Are you sure? I heard you shouting and crying in your—”

“I _said_ I'm fine, and I was _not_ crying,” Rin cuts in brusquely. His fingers trace over his cheeks, which are damp with tears. Dammit. Well, at least he's a good liar. “What the hell is the time now, anyway? It’s got to be the ass-crack of dawn or something.”

“It’s actually eight-thirty, Senpai. Captain wants us ready in an hour’s time.”

“Ugh.” Rin flops back on his back, wanting nothing more than to catch another few more hours of sleep, preferably without his roommate bugging him about crying when he's clearly _not_ crying. “Don't we have Sundays off?”

Nitori smiles apologetically. “He wants us to go shopping for new swimsuits. He says nothing starts the season off like a fresh new pair.”

Right, Rin totally forgot about that. Damn his stupid nightmares, damn their scarily accurate replays of what actually happened—

 _No, don't go down that road,_ he reminds himself. He's alive, and he should be grateful for the second chance to save Haru.

“But if Matsuoka-senpai is not feeling well,” Nitori adds hastily, “I can tell Captain—”

“I'm feeling perfectly fine. Never felt greater, in fact,” Rin grunts, pushing himself off his bed. He eyes Nitori, who is still dressed in his duck pajamas. His hair sticks out in odd directions—he must have just woken up too. “You should be getting ready. You don't want Captain to make you do a thousand laps of 100-meter freestyle as punishment for being late, do you?”

“Y—yes, Senpai!”

Rin grabs the first pair of jeans and decent-looking sweatshirt he finds and his towel, before stalking off to take a shower, leaving Nitori behind to decide between a green T-shirt or a blue one.

If anything, Samezuka has some top-notch facilities that could rival some of the hotels Rin has been to. He strips off his tank top and sweatpants, steps into the shower and lets the forceful blast of cold water refresh his sweaty skin.

_When will these nightmares stop?_

Ever since returning to Japan, the nightmares have insisted on plaguing his every sleeping moment, and they have only gotten worse after he bumped into _them_ at Iwatobi SC, or whatever was left of it. Every morning, he has to endure Nitori’s worried looks and henpecking questions about his dream, whether he's okay, why he was crying (when he clearly was not). The kid isn't a _bad_ kid, not by a long shot, but sometimes all Rin wants is for the world to shut up and leave him alone for a moment.

Once done with his speedy shower, he gets dressed and steps out, only to nearly collide into Nitori. Startled, Rin swears and stumbles back into the freezing shower, nearly slipping on the wet floor.

“Matsuoka-senpai! I'm so sorry!” Nitori wails. “It’s my fault—I forgot how easily you startled!”

“What—I don't startle easily!” Rin spits. He catches the wall to steady himself. “Why the hell were you just lurking right outside my bathroom stall, anyway? Anyone would be shocked to see someone’s face _right_ in the doorway just as they're about to step out!”

“I'm truly sorry, Senpai! I’ll be more careful next time.” 

Now that he's somewhat over his initial shock, a small bout of guilt nags at Rin. Nitori wasn't _right_ in front of the stall, contrary to what Rin accused him of, and Rin… well, let’s just say he doesn't deal well with people popping up out of nowhere after everything that went down in Australia.

“Just go and take your shower already,” Rin mutters, gathering his clothes and hightailing it out of the bathroom.

Thankfully, the next few hours go uneventfully for the most part, other than Captain Mikoshiba’s passionate speech about the importance of buying swimsuits that fit just right right before they boarded the bus to the mall. 

Upon arriving at the sports store, Nitori shadows Rin's every move as always, asking Rin whether he should buy this swimsuit or that swimsuit, before questioning him about which swimsuit Rin himself wants to buy. On a normal day, Rin can tolerate Nitori’s endless barrage of chatting and questions. But today, he's still on edge after his nightmare, so he threatens to toss Nitori’s… _questionable_ magazines out if he doesn't leave him alone at once. Nitori’s abashed look and shuffling of feet before scampering off causes a twinge of guilt in Rin. Whatever, he’ll help Nitori with his English homework later to make up for it.

Armed with peace and quiet, Rin picks out a pair of legskins and tries it on in the sanctuary of his changing room. It fits him well, not too tight or loose, but Mikoshiba—being a rather _hands-on_ captain—insists on seeing everyone’s new swimsuits for himself before making any purchases.

Rin pushes aside the curtain and steps out—at the same time someone distinctly _not_ from Samezuka steps out of the adjacent changing room, and Rin flinches so badly he nearly rips the curtain off. What the—is this the universe’s way of punishing him for lashing out at Nitori earlier?

“Haru!” he exclaims at the same time Haru gasps, “Rin.”

The Bond—of course the damn Bond would be illuminated and thrumming with activity. How did Rin not notice Haru and the others’ presences earlier?

Still, this would be a good opportunity to get some answers out from Haru, and adjust his strategy from there if need be.

“Let’s talk outside,” Rin mutters. He shuts himself back inside his changing room before getting to hear Haru’s response, but he knows Haru will follow him.

Once properly dressed, they head out of the store with Rin leading the way. Neither of them say a word until they're behind the mall. 

Rin glances around to make sure they are alone, then leans back against the chainmail fence as casually as he can. “Haru, what the fuck have you been doing the past three years?” he hisses. “You should be way better than what you are now, especially with your powers.”

“Those don't make a difference unless I let them, and I don't. I’d rather not use them if I can help it."

“It hurts, doesn't it?” Rin mutters under his breath.

Haru’s head snaps up. “What hurts?”

Rin can feel Haru’s suspicion, thick and heavy, through the blue-red Bond. He silently curses himself for letting that slip, but he quickly collects himself and clears his throat. “Nothing.”

“Anyway,” Haru says, eyeing Rin like he's an unknown element (and for all that Rin is hiding from Haru, he might as well be), “powers or not, I can't compare to someone who just returned from training all the way in Australia.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No, just saying it as it is. Besides, you beat me the other day. You should be happy with that.”

“Why the hell would I be, idiot?” Rin snaps. “It didn't count ‘cause of how hopelessly out of practice you were. Natural talent and powers can only take you so far before hard work makes a world of difference between a seasoned swimmer and an out-of-shape swimmer.” 

Haru huffs. “Whatever. You beat me. That's enough for me; isn't that enough for you?”

“No, it’s not! You have to race me again, for _real_ this time! Otherwise…” Rin’s voice drops to a whisper, like a plea or a prayer—both are practically the same, anyway. “You'll never be free.”

Haru regards him oddly, as if deciding whether or not to ask him something. In the end, though, he just turns to walk away. “What a pain. I only swim free. And I definitely don't swim _for_ you. I swim for myself.”

And that's when Rin loses it. He rushes forward and slams Haru back against the fence. Haru winces, but in the heat of the moment Rin doesn't care. Haru can take more pain than that, anyway. 

“No,” Rin growls, trying to burn his glare into Haru's face. “That isn't true. You _will_ swim for me, Haru. There's no other way around it.”

With their faces barely inches apart, Haru’s eyes—as startlingly blue as the Bond that stubbornly continues to light a path in Rin’s mind—bore deeply into Rin’s, but Rin refuses to back down. He doesn't care if he sounds like some creepy rival or even a jilted ex-lover who is obsessed with defeating Haru. Better for Haru to believe that than to catch on to the truth behind Rin’s _real_ intentions.

Haru takes Rin’s arms, peels them off the fence beside his shoulders, and pushes Rin back. “Then I want you to promise me something, Rin.”

Startled at the sudden reversal of power, Rin lets Haru shove him back one methodical step at a time.

“Promise me that you won't give up on swimming even if you lose,” Haru says. There is no anger or bitterness or malice in his voice, just a quiet plea. “Don't embarrass yourself like that. And don't cry again if you lose.”

A flash of images intrude the Bond: Rin on his knees beside the pool, sore and in tears after being beaten yet again by someone he can't reach; Haru and Coach Sasabe looking down worriedly at him, Rin flinging his goggles aside in a fit, declaring that he’s going to quit swimming.

At once, Rin’s walls that he let down for just a moment earlier go up again. He wrenches himself out of Haru’s grasp and scoffs, “Ha, as if. I'm not the same guy from three years ago. This time, I’ll show you the true difference between you and me, Haru, and I'm going to crush you.”

He doesn't bother waiting for a response (if Haru will even grace him with one). Before he loses his nerve and spills the truth, he pivots on his heel and storms back into the mall.

* * *

The whole reason why the team went on that shopping trip for new jammers earlier was because Rei had insisted that Nagisa’s tiny yellow speedo was the perpetrator of his sinking whenever he attempted to mimic the action of swimming.

Well, he's wearing a more decent pair of long black jammers with blue accents now, yet he is still somehow not swimming even when attempting an otherwise perfect breastroke. Seriously, Haru doesn't know if it is possible for any human to be that _literally_ dense.

Haru observes Rei’s pitiful attempts from the poolside while drying off his hair, and he finds that there is something rather odd about this whole thing—nothing to do with Rei himself, but rather something larger, more encompassing than Rei.

And something clicks in Haru’s mind. In all seventeen years of his life, he has never met someone who _genuinely_ struggled to swim. Haru himself is a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid, so he _has_ to be good at swimming. But even before the experiments, he fit into water like he had always meant to be there, perhaps even more so than he did on land. He never had to learn proper swimming techniques, having no need for them when _free_ came so naturally to him. Makoto, Nagisa and Rin never had any particular issues with the actual act of swimming itself, either. Even in middle school, the closest thing he witnessed was Asahi suddenly forgetting how to swim freestyle, but even then he could still swim the other strokes, and he did eventually relearn how to swim freestyle again.

Simply put, Haru has neither experienced what it’s like to learn how to swim from scratch nor watched someone do that, prior to Rei. But despite failing multiple times—and Haru is sure that can't be easy to swallow, if it’s true that Rei is intelligent and excelled at track before making the big shift to swimming—Rei dives over and over again into the water that rejects him at every single entry point.

Something stirs in Haru. He wants to help Rei to get the water to accept him, and he wants to help the water accept Rei.

He tosses his towel aside—which Makoto catches without even glancing up from the pool—dives in and glides towards Rei. Since he only swims free, that is what he teaches Rei. He gets Rei accustomed to the way the water feels when in the position of freestyle, guides his arms and legs through the motions the way Haru imagines the way he swims. Rei is a quick study, so in no time he gets the form down flawlessly. He doesn't sink when Haru guides him through the water in freestyle, and that is when Haru decides to let him go free on his own, confident that he and the water have finally accepted each other as equals…

… only for Rei to sink. All the way. To the. Bottom. While still doing the stroke. _Again._

Nagisa’s zealous demonstrations failed; Makoto’s gentle guidance fell through; Gou’s many drafts of the training menu didn't work; and now even Haru’s last-ditch attempts don't bear any fruit.

Dejected, Rei sits before the fence with his towel over his head and chin on his knees. Haru approaches him and attempts to give him some advice, which Rei rejects on the basis of them being too ‘abstract’ for him to get (it seems like common sense to Haru, but sure, go off, he guesses). 

All out of fresh advice, Haru opts for sitting quietly by Rei's side. Unlike the others, he doesn't offer words of consolation or encouragement—it wouldn't sound right, coming from him. But Makoto has told him many times that his silent companionship can work just as many wonders as Nagisa’s enthusiastic encouragement in making someone else feel better, so that is what he does.

When Rei quietly asks him, “How can I learn to swim freely like Haruka-senpai?”, that strikes a chord in Haru, because he knows he isn't free; not really, and not ever. 

But he realises that, though because of different driving forces, both he and Rei are reaching out, desperately seeking the true nebulous meaning of what it is to swim _free_ and not just freestyle. Or at least, Haru used to, before he became keenly aware of the acceleration of time around him and how futile it was to try and dig his heels in to resist its passage.

Perhaps, in a way, he envies Rei; he envies the way Rei can still say he's searching for the meaning of swimming _free_ while Haru has given up on any concept of freedom for himself. Something sparks in Haru—not in the same place where the Bonds are stored, but it is a similar feeling. A kinship, he supposes, with this newcomer to the team. No, that's not accurate… a sense of protectiveness. With what little time he has left—a little under two years, precisely—he wants to protect Rei’s quest for the meaning of swimming free, and he wants to watch him succeed before his time is up. 

As it turns out, Haru doesn't have to wait long—because the very next day, the team walks in on Rei swimming a near-perfect butterfly, somehow, out of pretty much nowhere. 

From where Haru is standing by the chainmail fence, watching the butterflies twirl about in the air, he can hear the others asking Rei where he learned butterfly from, and he feels Rei’s eyes on him for the briefest of moments, as though Haru himself is somehow the answer. 

Well, Haru is glad. At least that's one thing accomplished before he is eventually wrenched away from them and everything he holds dear to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm following the episodes more or less closely in writing this—other than the occasional bits of canon divergence which will be explained later—which is how this story has really blown up in terms of quantity. each chapter averages at like... 7k words at _least_ , even after i've tried skimming bits in episodes unimportant to this fic's plot. welp, hope you guys enjoy the ride at least :')
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


	4. keep me drowning (in your love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden crack of lightning splits across the black sky. In the distance, Haru spots choppy black waves rolling back and forth—and two tiny figures being violently tossed around by said choppy waves.
> 
> Green floods Haru’s mind.
> 
> _“MAKOTO!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is taken from [Drowning by Backstreet Boys.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZXHBgjQjNM)

Haru has to give it to Gou. He had her written off as simply someone who is single-mindedly obsessed with muscles, but it turns out she is also good at finding old swim clubs’ training-from-hell regimens to advance whatever stupid teen drama plot he is stuck in.

“Have a look at _this!_ ” Gou shouts. She races up the stairs from the club room, screeches to a halt in front of them, and holds up a tastefully-designed poster featuring dark crashing waves in the background and characters written in blood-red ink in the foreground.

“ _‘Summer Training Camp from Hell on a Deserted Island’_ ,” Makoto slowly reads out.

“Hell?” Rei says skeptically.

“Deserted island?” Haru mutters. He's just glad that the old SC never took them to a deserted island for training purposes; trying to survive there would be a pain, since he'd be the only one in his group who could cook.

Nagisa’s eyes go wide and starry. “That looks awesome!”

Gou puffs her chest out with pride and proceeds to explain the old Iwatobi High swim club’s training-from-hell regimen, as well as how they can use it for their summer training. When Haru points out how much of a pain it’ll be to plan the whole thing, Gou shoots him down. Annoyed, Haru loses interest. He wanders to the poolside and perches there, skimming his fingertips passive-aggressively across the clear blue surface. 

But when Gou mentions the ocean, Haru stiffens, and his eyes flick over to Makoto. Old and familiar fear floods the Bond—memories of torrential, vicious waves, ships being devoured by the ocean’s rage, a funeral procession by the seaside, Makoto’s clammy hand squeezing Haru’s tightly. Haru blinks twice to clear the memories from his head, then glances over to Makoto. His expression is downcast, and for a moment he seems to be trapped in some kind of vortex that only he can see.

Nagisa’s smile falters slightly, and he glances at Makoto out of the corner of his eye (Haru doesn't miss the way Rei seems to be tracking their every movement with suspicion).

Oblivious to everything, Gou turns to Makoto eagerly. “Captain, what do you think? Is this a good idea?”

“Oh!” Makoto visibly startles. A smile pushes its way onto his face, but Haru doesn't even have to look at him to tell how strained it is. “Um, yeah! I think this is a good idea. It’ll be good practice for the prefectural tournament, since we are lacking a fair bit in stamina.”

“Awesome!” Nagisa cheers, reverting back to his usual self. “It’s decided, then. Let’s do our best during the deserted island training from hell!”

Reality comes knocking on their door, though, when Amakata-sensei informs them that they don't have enough funds for a trip like this, since they _are_ a new club. Good, Haru thinks. The less time they spend near the ocean, the better for Makoto.

To make up for everyone else’s disappointment, Makoto treats the team to popsicles from the nearby convenience shop on their walk back home. Haru thinks he's being too soft—it’s not like it is Makoto’s fault that they can't go—but he doesn't say anything. As usual, Makoto breaks off half of his popsicle and hands it to Haru, who takes it wordlessly.

Nagisa and Gou drag their feet on the pavement ahead of Makoto, Haru and Rei. Out of all of them, they're clearly the most disappointed; Gou because of how proud she was of her discovery, and Nagisa because of his natural zest for adventure. Nagisa’s disappointment is especially potent through the Bond—so much so that Haru has to consciously monitor his own emotions to be able to distinguish his own impartiality from Nagisa’s dismay.

Makoto must be feeling it too, if the pensive frown on his face is anything to go by. Haru wants to tell him not to overthink it as he is prone to doing, that it's not his fault and therefore not his responsibility, but it seems like the coldness from the popsicle has frozen his throat shut.

Finally, Makoto says what Haru has been hoping he wouldn't.

“Guys, don't worry about it. I’ll find a way. I’ll find a way to make the trip happen without spending a single yen.”

Haru blows out an irritated sigh through his nose, long and heavy. _There he goes again with his pathological need to help everyone at the expense of himself._

He knows what Makoto is like; he knows that Makoto derives a large chunk of his self-esteem from being useful to others. It’s not even about the general warm fuzzy feelings that come from helping others—it is the complete foundation of his self-worth. He knows how delighted and satisfied it makes Makoto to be of use to others… and he also knows, on the flip side, how hard Makoto tends to be on himself when he is unable to be useful to others.

The determination from Makoto’s end of the Bond is like a blockade trying to suppress the fear, though, and Haru thinks to himself, _Why the hell do you do this to yourself?_

At times like this, Haru finds himself wishing that the Bond _was_ psychic.

“Wow, Mako-chan is so dedicated!” Nagisa sings, though the concerned look he gives Makoto when Rei isn't looking makes it clear that Nagisa knows that something is up. Haru wonders why Nagisa just doesn't ask when Rei isn't around—it’s not like Nagisa to shy away from speaking what is on his mind.

“What a reliable captain!” Gou adds, grinning broadly.

 _Don't egg him on,_ Haru snaps. Yet he doesn't say anything, simply because he doesn't know _how_ to say it and this is one of those times Makoto can't voice his thoughts for him, since these thoughts _concern_ Makoto. Instead, he takes a sullen bite of his popsicle while glaring at Makoto from the corner of his eye, like that would transmit his thoughts to Makoto.

With his shoulders squared like the world’s most idiotic bleeding-heart general, Makoto leads the team to his place and digs out his old camping supplies from the storage room. A fond nostalgia—jarringly contrasting his unhappiness towards Makoto—passes through the blue-green Bond. The Tachibanas used to go camping during the summer break in middle school and they occasionally brought Haru along too.

(When Rei’s back is turned, Nagisa sends Haru a knowing smile, leading Haru to wonder how much of Nagisa’s astuteness is from the Bond and how much of it is just pure Nagisa.)

“Alright!” Nagisa gathers an armful of supplies and bounces up the stone stairs to Haru’s home. Once reaching the top, he turns around and stares expectantly at Haru.

“What?”

“Can we put these in Haru-chan’s home?” 

“No.” Haru climbs up the stairs and coldly brushes past Nagisa. “Don't treat my home like a warehouse.”

Nagisa shoves his way into Haru’s view, peering up at him with those large imploring eyes. “But Haru-chan has the biggest house! Haru-chan is really kind, isn't he?”

"No."

Nagisa's face falls into a pout. " _C'mon, Haru-chaaaan!_ " he whines.

Between him and Makoto, Haru isn't sure who is the bigger sucker for Nagisa. Grudgingly, he unlocks his front door and lets them in. With a delighted cheer of Haru’s nickname, Nagisa dumps the items on the floor and wraps himself around Haru like an especially affectionate monkey. Haru wheezes under the sudden weight but otherwise doesn't push Nagisa off. 

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur of sorting out the remaining logistics of the camp. Once Makoto and Nagisa manage to enlist Coach Sasabe’s help in transporting them to the island on his boat, they're pretty much good to go on the trip.

With everything settled, Makoto offers to walk Nagisa, Rei and Gou to the train station like the mother hen he is, and he all but drags Haru along too. After offering a half-hearted wave, Haru pivots on his heel and returns in the direction they came from. Makoto’s footsteps fall into place beside him. 

Haru only half-listens to Makoto’s idle chitchat about how excited he is for the camp and the special arrangements he has made to account for Rei's lack of experience. The rest of his brain is carefully tuned into Makoto’s true feelings hidden underneath his veneer of cheerfulness—while there is a genuine eagerness emanating from Makoto’s end, underlying it is a current of repressed uneasiness.

Haru remembers how just a year ago he forced Makoto to face the ocean. Guilt rises up, but he hastily forces it down before Makoto notices it. He can't have Makoto worrying about him when he already has to deal with the prospect of facing the ocean during the camp.

Once there’s a lull in the one-sided conversation, Haru takes his opportunity. He pauses and waits for Makoto to turn around to face him.

“What's wrong, Haru?”

Haru hesitates. A part of him knows that it isn't exactly their style to put things out… out _there_ like that. But another part also knows that it’s for Makoto’s own good, so before he can second-guess himself he asks, “Are you’re _really_ fine with this?”

“Wh—what do you mean?”

Haru clicks his tongue, irritation flaring up in him. Makoto should damn well know what he means. “You know, the part where we’ll have to swim in the _ocean_ as part of our training? Are you sure you're okay with that?”

A small gasp escapes Makoto. Guilt washes over Haru again, because another flash of memories of the seaside funeral procession floods through the Bond. He can practically feel Makoto’s shaking hand in his, gripping tightly as Makoto half-hides behind him.

Makoto’s hastily plastered-on smile does jack-shit to cover up the hesitation and fear from his end of the Bond. “Yeah, I’ll definitely be fine. That—that was all in the past, anyway. I'm over it. You're always saying that the past should stay where it belongs, right?” He chuckles, like he just told an old familiar inside joke.

_But just because I can doesn't mean you can._

Haru is entirely unconvinced by Makoto’s half-hearted reason, and he knows that Makoto can feel his disbelief, if the downturned corners of his smile is anything to go by.

The rest of the walk home is brimming with a silent tension, filled with too many things Haru should say to Makoto but not enough words to express them. And Makoto can't speak them for Haru, either, since he's so deeply entrenched in his own denial.

They pause at the intersection between their homes, where Makoto will turn right while Haru will continue climbing the stairs up ahead. For several frozen moments in time, they just stand there and watch each other. Perhaps if Haru waits long enough, they'll develop a real telepathic bond too, and then Haru can yell at Makoto about his bad ideas through that.

None of that happens. Instead, Makoto offers his usual gentle smile—strained at the edges—and says, “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Haru?”

Haru inclines his head slightly before glancing away. Even if he argues now, it’s not like they can call off the trip now. “Yeah, sure.”

Makoto’s hand reaches out and gives Haru’s three squeezes. For a wild moment, Haru considers kidnapping Makoto to his home to keep him from going for this stupid camp. Makoto _could_ potentially put up a fight with his superstrength, but douse Haru in water and he would be absolutely uncontested. 

But in the end, Makoto's fingers slip through his. He gives Haru a final wave before the ever-so energetic Ran and Ren forcefully escort him into their home. 

And Haru lets him go. 

* * *

Upon disembarking Coach Sasabe’s boat, the first thing Rei does is stagger off to find a bathroom to complete his… _business._ Nagisa offers to accompany him, but Gou rather conspicuously grabs his arm, yanks him back and points Rei in the general direction of the bathroom.

“Will Rei-chan be okay?” Nagisa wonders. “He looked really sick on the boat.”

“He’ll be fine,” Gou says dismissively. “It can't be the first time he's had motion sickness. Besides, while he isn't here—” She pauses, glancing furtively around the beach, even though it’s just them plus Amakata-sensei and Coach Sasabe chatting far out of earshot along the coastline. “—I have some urgent business with _you_ three.”

“I already apologised for spilling strawberry milk on your muscle magazine, Gou-chan!”

“It’s not about that, though I _am_ still upset about that.”

Haru sighs and turns around. “If you're not gonna talk then I'm going over th—”

“You three need to quit your weird psychic bond thing.”

Wait, _what?_

Haru’s foot pauses mid-step, and he has to awkwardly hop in place while turning back around to maintain his balance.

He isn't the only one. Makoto drops his bag, Nagisa trips over a sand dune, and all the while confusion and disbelief pulse through the Bond in harsh waves.

“Wait, how do you know?” Nagisa exclaims.

Gou sighs, striking her forehead with her palm. “You're not even _trying_ to hide it?”

“Nagisa isn't exactly subtle,” Haru points out.

“I don't think you're one to talk, Haru,” Makoto says gently, and Haru huffs. “But Nagisa is right—Gou-chan, how do you know? Did Rin tell you?”

Gou shakes her head, her shoulders slumping at the mention of her brother. “No, he never tells me anything. A few years ago, an old man—I think he was Haruka-senpai’s grandfather, because my mom called him Nanase-san. Anyway, Haruka-senpai’s grandfather came over and said he needed to talk to my mom alone. I was the only other person at home, ‘cause Onii-chan had already left for Australia. I was bored and lonely, so I decided to eavesdrop.”

Haru regards her suspiciously. “How much do you know?”

“Not much. I only know that Haruka-senpai is a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid, and Onii-chan developed some superpowers because of something Haruka-senpai did, as well as the whole thing about the Empathy Bond.”

“If you knew so much, why didn't you tell us earlier?” Nagisa asks.

“What was I supposed to say to you guys on the first day of school? _‘Hey, I'm the sister of your long-lost friend from the SC who you only met once, and by the way I know that you three are kinda telepathically connected’_?” Gou says defensively.

Well, when she puts it like that, Haru supposes he can't fault her for not saying anything sooner. Still, a part of him twinges unpleasantly at the idea of him being unaware that there was an additional party who knew his true identity.

“Don't worry, Haruka-senpai,” Gou adds, “I haven't told anyone, and I won't. Your secret is safe with me. My whole point of telling you this is—look, Rei-kun is really smart. And I'm not just talking about his grades, though those are good too. I'm talking about the way he thinks—he can analyse, read between the lines and make deductions. Honestly, you guys are lucky that he's so fixated on his ‘logic’ he probably already dismissed any idea that you guys have actual powers—if he even considered it. But you should still be more careful with your Bond around him!” 

“We are, though!” Nagisa pipes up. “We've been super careful ever since the day we got our superpowers 'cause Haru-chan’s grandma told us to be careful.”

Unswayed, Gou plants her hands on her hips and frowns disapprovingly up at them. It’s scarily effective; Makoto, Nagisa and Haru take a tentative step back away from her. “You guys aren't subtle at all! You probably haven't realised it, but you have a tendency to randomly stare at each other and even grab your heads sometimes. Can you imagine how weird you guys look to ordinary people?”

“You're right, Gou-chan,” Makoto says with a placating smile. “Thanks for pointing this out to us. We’ll be more careful with our Bond in the future.”

A brooding expression casts over Nagisa’s face, which looks rather out of place on him. “Are you sure we can't tell Rei-chan?" he asks, his voice uncharacteristically solemn. "It would be pretty hard to keep this a secret from him for _ever_. He's part of the team, too. I don't want him to feel left out just ‘cause he's not part of the Bond.”

“It’s for your own safety, Nagisa,” Haru replies sharply. “Remember what my grandmother said? If word gets out that you guys have powers, bad people might come after you.”

Makoto ruffles Nagisa’s hair. “I'm sorry, but Haru and Gou-chan are right. The rules are there for a good reason, so we should follow them.”

“Hmph, fine.” But the sullen pout doesn't leave Nagisa’s face.

On most days, a sulking Nagisa is powerful enough to get Haru to cave to his wishes. But when it comes to _this,_ when it comes to his friends’ well-being, Haru is like an unshakable fortress. It doesn't matter if Rei is a part of the team now—he wasn't one of them back then.

And besides, what's past is past. The team from five years ago has no bearing on the team _now,_ and Rei is an important part of the team in the now.

The moment Rei comes back into view, Nagisa’s usual grin immediately spreads over his face, like the rising of the sun chasing away dark grey clouds. Rei informs them that _Samezuka_ of all schools is having their own training camp on this very island, and Haru can't help but notice how weirdly contrived this coincidence is. It’s almost as if there is an external force, beyond this realm of reality, pulling the strings and making him bump into Rin wherever he goes—first at the abandoned Iwatobi SC, then at the mall of all places, and now here on this deserted island.

When the others ask him if he wants to see Rin, he turns them down. There's no need for that, since he and Rin have already made a pact to meet each other again at the prefectural tournament. Maybe during that competition, he’ll finally figure out the confusing mixed signals from Rin’s end of the Bond, but for now he has other things to worry about.

Like this training camp. He glances at the ocean over Makoto’s shoulder.

Yes, plenty of things to worry about.

* * *

Makoto runs through their training regimen, which is admittedly brutal. They have to swim a distance of one kilometer between each of the four islands and _then_ run another kilometer upon arriving at said island. And that is just _one_ set. According to Gou’s excruciatingly detailed itinerary, they are to complete _three_ sets by the end of the day. Part of Haru wonders if she's making them go through this whole training-from-hell just to see the way their muscles grow afterwards.

“And that's the plan for today,” Makoto concludes, clapping his hands together. “Are you guys ready?”

Nagisa, who has been fidgeting with excitement during the entirety of Makoto’s briefing, immediately leaps upon getting the green light from Makoto. With a battle cry of “Yahoo! Let’s do this!”, he dashes off to the ocean with reckless abandon and one Rei hot on his heels, yelling, “Not so fast, Nagisa-kun!”

Well, there isn't any point delaying this. Haru is about to follow them, but he stops when he notices Makoto staring at the ocean. His expression is vacant, almost like his consciousness is no longer in this plane of existence. 

“Makoto?”

Makoto jolts. He turns to Haru and offers a reassuring smile, not that it assuages Haru’s concern. “I'm okay. Don't worry about me, Haru.”

Wordlessly, Haru takes Makoto’s hand and squeezes it twice. Each squeeze is lingering and firm; his way of saying _“I don't like this”_ without having to actually vocalise it.

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” Makoto insists. “What happened last time is in the past. It won't affect me now.”

Haru sighs. Makoto really is too stubborn for his own good. He squeezes Makoto’s hand in three successions, which take on a slightly different meaning in the current situation: _"_ _Okay, but I’ll be looking out for you anyway"._

Makoto’s smile softens. “Thanks, Haru.”

With no one else in the near vicinity, Makoto presses a brief kiss to the crown of Haru’s head, before releasing Haru’s hand and striding towards the ocean.

Despite all the murmured reassurances and hand-squeezing and soft kisses, Haru refuses to be convinced that everything will really be okay.

* * *

True to his word, Haru sticks by Makoto’s side throughout the whole training. For the most part, Makoto seems to be doing fine, true to _his_ own word; other than the occasional bubble of unease, he is focused on swimming. His form doesn't slip, and he maintains total control. Nevertheless, Haru doesn't miss the relief filling the Bond when they clambour up from the gentle back-and-forth waves of the ocean to safe shores.

Upon arriving at Mizushima, the last island before returning to their campsite, Haru only has his stubborn pride to keep him from stumbling over the sand dunes in his exhaustion. As it turns out, genetically-enhanced stamina can only take you so far when you're consciously resisting the activation of your superpowers. He wonders if he would be less exhausted if he let himself transform, like every single cell and fibre in his body were begging him to do so while in the ocean. 

On the other hand, you wouldn't be able to tell that Nagisa just swam and ran a total of five kilometers merely by looking at him. He bounds over to Haru, leaps onto him from the back and wraps his arms and legs around him. Haru grunts and stumbles under the new weight, but manages to catch Nagisa before they both fall and look like idiots.

“How are you still so energetic?” Haru wheezes.

“Because I know that all of us are definitely improving!” Nagisa chirps, head-nuzzling Haru’s shoulder affectionately. “After this, we’ll win the prefectural championships, then move on to regionals and win that one too. But our goal—we’re aiming for nationals! We’ll go there to win!”

Makoto nods, smiling. “You're right, Nagisa. Everyone is making tremendous improvement. I'm proud of every single one of us.”

“If we got loads of achievements,” Nagisa rambles on, hopping off Haru to cling to Makoto instead, “we’ll get more funding from the school, right, Mako-chan? Then we can use that funding to use Iwatobi gym’s pool during winter!”

The enthusiasm pouring forth from the yellow Bond is powerful, but instead of causing a collective headache as it sometimes does, it fills Haru with a unique type of energy he never feels on his own—an energy he can only call Nagisa-like. It makes him feel like he could do another five more sets, even without genetically-enhanced stamina.

“I hope so,” Haru mutters, deadpan. He keeps his emotions tied up behind his usual stoic expression as he silently observes everyone from the back of the group—in particular, he zooms in on Rei, who is standing a noticeable distance away from the group. It isn't big enough to mistake him for a stranger who just happened to be standing nearby, but not close enough for hypothetical onlookers to consider him part of their group.

Nagisa’s words flash through his mind.

_“He's part of the team, too. I don't want him to feel left out just ‘cause he's not part of the Bond.”_

Guilt floods through the blue Bond before Haru realises what's going on. Makoto and Nagisa’s heads snap up to eye him. Behind them, Rei is watching them, confusion etched on his face clear as day.

Haru whips around to glare at the two idiots, trying his best to project the general feelings of _REI. BEHIND. WATCHING. BE. MORE. SUBTLE._ through the Bond.

With a now-neutral expression that appears too forced to be believed by a newborn, Makoto announces that they have to return to the campsite. Nagisa, the ever-so efficacious mood-maker, lets out a battle cry of “Let’s do this!” before racing off to complete the stipulated one kilometer on this island. Makoto follows suit, then Rei—and Haru can't mistake the look on Rei’s face, because he too has been feeling it a lot lately: the feeling of suspicious disbelief, like he knows someone isn't telling him something, and being torn between wanting to believe them but also knowing better than that.

* * *

For some reason, Nagisa insists on sharing a tent with Haru later that night. He claims that Rei is the type to grind his teeth in his sleep, which Rei flusteredly denies, but Haru thinks it’s either Nagisa being clingy or the out-of-this-universe force pulling the strings to make something that will advance the plot of the big great inconvenience otherwise known as Haru's life happen. 

And just as his gut predicted, Haru is having a peaceful dreamless sleep, when a sharp panic cuts through that empty abyss—a panic that he can only describe as _green._

_Makoto._

Haru bolts upright at the same time Nagisa stirs and blearily mumbles, “Haru-chan felt that too? It felt like something happened to Mako-chan.”

“I'm going out.” Haru clambers out, only for a typhoon-like gale of wind to nearly blow him back into the tent. Rain pelts against his face like bullets. Where the rainwater makes contact with his skin, his power burns underneath, but he refuses to let it out. Not now. He has to find Makoto.

Nagisa climbs out next to him, and Haru grabs his elbow to make sure he doesn't get blown away. He's smaller than Haru; it is very possible, and Haru doesn't want to lose Nagisa before he can determine for himself whether or not Makoto is alright.

They stumble through the torrential rain and unforgiving winds to the other tent. The wind blows the tent flaps open, revealing that it’s absolutely empty inside. Just as Haru is about to dismiss the earlier flash of green and decide that Makoto and Rei probably went to the bathroom together or something, a distinctly _green_ feeling hooks in his gut, tugging him in the direction of the coastline.

A sudden crack of lightning splits across the black sky. In the distance, Haru spots choppy black waves rolling back and forth—and two tiny figures being violently tossed around by said choppy waves.

Green floods Haru’s mind.

_“MAKOTO!”_

He doesn't stop to think. He strips off his shirt, orders Nagisa to get Amakata-sensei, and dives headfirst into the ocean. 

He rips through the vicious waves, and the yellow Bond burning fiercely alerts him to Nagisa’s presence right behind him. _Idiot,_ why does no one ever listen to him?

“I’ll get Rei-chan!” Nagisa shouts over the explosion of thunder overhead and the ocean slamming its waves repeatedly around and against them. “You rescue Mako-chan!”

Haru doesn't even get the chance to nod before his power blazes through him, thrashing hard against the bindings he has it trapped under. He doesn't _want_ to use it, but when he spots a large black wave swallow Makoto’s head up, he knows this is no time to be worrying about his own pain. 

Scales rip through his skin; gills emerge like knife-sharp ridges along the sides of his neck, and the muscles, bones and tendons in his legs scream from the effort of rearranging themselves into a long, thick tail. The power burns from within the deepest marrows of his bones to the ends of his limbs—but the same excruciating pain also fills him with a new energy he hasn't felt in years.

He plunges underwater. With the newfound strength from his tail, he propels himself forward to Makoto, who has stopped struggling altogether. Ice cold fear grips Haru’s heart.

 _I can't lose him, I can't lose him. Please—_ _please don't take him away from me before I have to leave._

Makoto needs him. 

Focus shoves the fear aside. Haru grabs Makoto around the waist and hauls the both of them up to the surface. With his mermaid-given superstrength, Makoto feels about as light as an infant. Still, he's too tall and broad for Haru to princess-carry him through the water, so instead he slings Makoto’s arm across his shoulders and half-drapes him over his back.

 _Stay alive, you idiot,_ Haru pleads. _I will never fucking forgive you if you die on me._

Now that he has secured Makoto, Haru ducks his head underwater—while making sure Makoto’s is still above the surface—and starts gliding towards the nearest island he can find. Other than the turbulent waves threatening to toss Makoto off his back, the journey is more or less smooth. 

Which is the universe's cue to make the next thing go wrong. 

Without warning, the newfound strength rapidly drains away like someone just pulled the plug. Haru doesn't even get to catch a breath before losing control and plunging deeper into the water under Makoto's now too-heavy weight. 

A flash of blue mixing with yellow flickers through his mind—the yellow end elongates and wraps around the blue, tightening forcefully like someone trying to squeeze the water out of a soaked towel.

Haru just barely manages to force himself and Makoto up to break the surface for air. His form starts to slip. Hard scales recede back into soft skin, his gills close up, and the muscles, bones and tendons in his tail split back into two human legs. Suddenly, Haru is no longer bearing the weight of a newborn but the full brunt of seventy-three kilograms solely on his back.

Haru nearly chokes on the water rushing into his mouth. All seventy-three kilograms of Makoto forces him deeper and deeper into the violent roiling of the ocean despite his most desperate efforts to push themselves both up. His vision spins once, twice, before turning as black as the sea threatening to swallow him and Makoto up.

* * *

Nagisa pushes through vicious waves, glides to Rei and grabs a flailing wrist.

“It’s me, Rei-chan!” Nagisa yells over the crashing of waves and thundering. “It’s okay, I got you!”

“Na—Nagisa-kun!” Rei chokes out. A wave slams so hard into him his wrist is nearly torn out of Nagisa’s grip.

“Don't talk! You'll just get water in your mouth!” Nagisa pulls Rei closer to him, pouring all of his strength into holding Rei up so at least his head is able to break the surface. Nagisa’s legs kick forcefully outwards and away from his body in sweeping arcs, treading the water that is crashing and colliding around them, threatening to tear them apart.

_Land. I need to get Rei-chan to land._

Keeping his wits about him, Nagisa squints into the darkness. He just barely makes out a shape in the distance. And the shape—it’s getting larger and taller and _closer_ , to his mounting horror.

A wave. A wave that is easily three meters tall and still growing bigger and bigger is quickly encroaching upon them. And before it is Nagisa, small for his age at 163 centimeters, and Rei who is taller and bigger than him but nevertheless too powerless—literally—to do anything about said wave.

_But Haru-chan can._

As Nagisa pulls himself and Rei back away from the wave, he squeezes his eyes shut and fumbles for Haru’s Bond in his mind. There it is, bright blue and thrumming with burning energy, but clouded with desperate panic.

 _Sorry, Haru-chan,_ Nagisa whispers. _But I'm gonna have to borrow your powers to save Rei-chan._

Using his Bond, he grips Haru’s and tightens around it. A rush of power zips through Nagisa, similar to when he activates his healing ability—but this one is far more dynamic and vicious. In a bright burst of yellow, his skin hardens into scales and his muscles burn and grow.

With unfamiliar strength, he clumsily turns them around such that Rei’s back is pressed against Nagisa’s chest and Nagisa’s scale-covered back is to the gigantic wave.

When the wave crashes against him, a dull pain flares up on his back, but the feeling is nothing compared to the brutal water slapping against his more fragile human skin earlier. The force from the collision blasts them forward. Nagisa closes his eyes and lets the wave take them where it pleases.

Suddenly, the fluidity of water around him morphs into bitingly cold air and rough grains of sand. Nagisa gasps, and the power seeps out of him the same way the wave recedes back into the ocean. With shaky movements, he pushes himself up and turns to Rei, who is sprawled on his side next to Nagisa.

“Rei-chan? Rei-chan!” 

Rei coughs twice, and water spurts out from his mouth. Feebly, he turns over on his back to face Nagisa. “Nagisa-kun?”

“Rei-chan, breathe,” Nagisa says, his tone soothing. “Deep, slow breaths. In, out, in out.”

Rei nods, still weak. The rapid rise and fall of his chest slows down to a gentler pace.

In the meanwhile, Nagisa knows he has to make sure Rei isn't hurt. He doesn't pause to think about Haru’s warnings just that morning—what is more urgent now is making sure Rei is okay. Even without Haru’s borrowed power in him, Nagisa has his own power. He runs his hands over Rei’s face, arms, torso and legs, assessing him for injuries. There are muscle cramps in his calves and aches in his chest from the temporary loss of air earlier, but otherwise Rei is fine.

When Nagisa experimentally touches Rei’s calf with his fingertips, Rei whimpers in pain. “Nagisa-kun, what…?”

“Relax, Rei-chan,” Nagisa murmurs. “Close your eyes.”

It has been years since he last used his power. In fact, he hasn't used it all ever since that day at the lab, because of the secrecy he was sworn to. But now, he couldn't care less about secrecy and whatnot, not when Rei-chan is in pain.

The golden glow from Nagisa’s hand on Rei’s calf cuts a sharp silhouette in the stormy darkness, and his other hand covers Rei’s eyes to shield him from the sudden burst of light. Gradually, he can feel the pain recede away. Rei’s leg relaxes under Nagisa’s hand. 

Once done, the glow dies down, and Nagisa uncovers Rei’s eyes.

“What just happened?” Rei croaks. “I thought I saw some strange light before you covered my eyes—it couldn't be lightning. It was too close by to be lightning. And then, the pain just—disappeared. What's going on—”

“How are you feeling?” Nagisa hastily asks. 

“A lot better now. But Nagisa-kun, I know this sounds crazy but I swear I saw—”

The lie slips out of Nagisa with ease. “You must just be imagining things! Getting hit by a _big_ wave like that will do that to you.”

Now that Rei is okay, Nagisa trots over to the shore and retrieves Rei’s board. He cleans off the seaweed clinging to it before returning it to Rei.

Rei, now sitting up, lowers his head. “I really am sorry.”

“It’s okay, Rei-chan.”

“But—but I put everyone in danger. First Makoto-senpai, then you—and if you're here, that must mean Haruka-senpai is out there too. All of you could've been hurt because of me.”

Nagisa tilts his head and smiles reassuringly. “We’ll deal with that later. We should go look for Mako-chan and Haru-chan first and make sure they're okay. Hey, don't worry about them,” he adds when he notices the forlorn curve of Rei's mouth, “they're going to be fine. I'm sure of that.” Besides, Haru is part-mermaid, so dealing with the ocean should be easy as strawberry shortcake.

“But… I know Makoto-senpai came to rescue me earlier,” Rei insists. “I caught a glimpse of him before the waves separated us, and I felt that… I felt that he was different from usual. Like—like he wasn't really _there_ , you know? Is there something about the ocean that causes Makoto-senpai to act differently?”

Well, Nagisa has been feeling an odd muddle of emotions from Makoto’s end of the Bond since the beginning of the camp. And even before that, when they were making plans for the trip, the unease from the green Bond was so thick he could slice it with a knife if he wanted to. 

Nagisa selects his words carefully as he replies, “That _is_ possible. I'm not sure what it is, but I think something about the ocean scares Mako-chan.”

“Did he tell you this?”

“Nope, it’s just my own guess. The only person who probably knows for sure is Haru-chan.”

“If Haruka-senpai knew that the ocean scared Makoto-senpai, why didn't he say anything earlier?” Rei demands. “In fact, why didn't Makoto-senpai himself say something earlier? Why did he agree to this trip in the first place?”

Nagisa settles down on the sand next to Rei and wraps his arms around his knees. “I think Mako-chan didn't want to disappoint us ‘cause he saw how eager we were for this trip. That's very Mako-chan—he likes making people happy, but 'cause of that he also neglects his own needs. As for Haru-chan—he's the strong silent type. When faced with problems, he doesn't like saying it out loud, but I know that inside he's worried and finding ways to deal with the problem. 

"But he's also not the prying type, yeah? Since the ocean was Mako-chan’s problem, Haru-chan probably didn't think it was his place to bring it up. But I don't think there's any need to worry about them. Whether it’s a pool or the ocean, water and Haru-chan accept each other, so I think they're fine.”

Rei falls silent for a moment, as if contemplating what Nagisa said. “You three… really know each other well, don't you?”

Nagisa giggles. What an odd question from Rei-chan, yet how perfectly in-character of him. “We do! I mean, we swam together when we were kids. And even after Haru-chan and Mako-chan graduated from elementary school and stopped participating in SC tournaments ‘cause they joined their middle school’s swim club, they still came down to support me at my competitions.”

Nagisa stops to watch Rei’s reaction. His expression clouds over, as if haunted. Nagisa thinks he knows what this is about, so he shuffles closer to Rei and plants his chin on Rei’s shoulder.

“Mako-chan, Haru-chan and I have been friends forever, but that doesn't mean you're not one of us,” Nagisa says softly. “I like having Rei-chan on the team. In fact… in a way, I feel a certain sort of ease around Rei-chan that I’ve never really felt around Mako-chan or Haru-chan or Rin-chan. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with them, of course—but the thing is, they're all a year older than me. And when you're in elementary school, one year makes a lot of difference. In a way, I always felt like I was playing catch-up to them 'cause they were all bigger and taller than me. I had to constantly prove myself to them, especially Rin-chan.” He chuckles at the memory. “Rin-chan said I could only join his relay team if I placed first in breastroke.”

What Nagisa doesn't tell Rei is how he doesn't feel like he has to fulfill a certain role around him. Because he's been friends with Haru, Makoto and Rin for so long, everyone starts fitting into roles that become harder and harder to change as the years go on. With them, there's a part of him that feels like he _has_ to fulfill the role of the perky little brother, since that's the way he has been ever since elementary school. And he knows how much Makoto and Haru dislike dramatic changes to the status quo—even if they’ve never actually said it, Nagisa can just tell—so he continues to carry out this role.

But around Rei, he doesn't feel any pressure to play any role, since unlike the rest Rei doesn't have any preconceived impressions of him. With Rei, he can just be himself, whether it’s pestering Rei to try the new Iwatobi cream bread or forcing him to watch bad horror films just to laugh at his reactions.

“And, well, there's also the fact that Haru-chan and Mako-chan have practically been married ever since they were kids. But my point is,” Nagisa concludes, wrapping his arms around Rei’s, “it doesn't matter whether you knew us back then or not. What matters is that you're part of the team _now_. What will happen after this when we reunite with Mako-chan and Haru-chan—there’s no way to tell, but worrying about it won't change what hasn't happened yet. It’s like that quote you were telling me about the other day. _‘The past is gone and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present.’_ ”

Rei blinks and eyes Nagisa with an odd sort of wonderment. “I'm surprised you remember that.”

Nagisa laughs. “I remember everything you tell me, Rei-chan. I remember you make all of your own lunches so that you can monitor your nutritional intake. I remember you need to sleep with a night-light on 'cause you used to get nightmares of the monster under the bed. Oh, and I remember you told me that when showering, the first place you wash is your—”

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei exclaims, his face going scarlet.

Nagisa’s laughter quietens down into a soft smile. Now that Rei seems to be more or less back to normal, it’s time to find the others.

“Let’s go, Rei-chan!” Nagisa bounces to his feet and pulls Rei up. “Let’s go meet up with Haru-chan and Mako-chan.”

“Wa—wait, Nagisa-kun,” Rei stammers. “Do you even know where they are?”

Nagisa hones in on the blue and green Bonds. They tug at his gut, somewhere to the northeast. “Sure I do!”

“But—but how?”

Nagisa just turns around with a grin. “I just do.”

“That's not an answer! Nagisa-kun, get back here!”

* * *

_Click, click._

Blearily, Haru opens his eyes. The sky above is dark and oppressive, and the ocean around him is still as choppy as before he momentarily lost consciousness.

But there's something new underneath him; something smooth.

He sits up—how is he even able to sit?—and takes stock of his surroundings. Makoto is sprawled over on the back of some strange shape that glides just underneath the water, allowing his head and shoulders to emerge above the surface.

The smoothness underneath Haru clicks twice. _‘I heard your cries for help.’_

Instinctive understanding dawns upon him. He runs his hand down the smooth surface and bends down to take a closer look. It is a dolphin. No, _they're_ dolphins. He and Makoto are on the back of dolphins—dolphins that are somehow able to talk to him.

Even though he has never spoken to any aquatic life before, the language comes naturally to Haru like it has always been there. He makes two clicking noises. _‘Thanks.’_

Although certainly sweet and friendly, the dolphins seem to cut an imposing figure, as all around them the waters calm down as if intimidated by their presence. In no time, they deliver Makoto and Haru to someplace just several meters away from the shore, where it is shallow enough for Haru to stand. The dolphins deposit him and Makoto there, wish them a safe trip and take their leave. Haru just barely manages to catch Makoto in time before he collapses back into the ocean. 

However, without the calming presence of the dolphins now, the waters kick up a storm once more. Haru struggles to even remain upright as he slings Makoto’s arm over his shoulders. With slow laboured steps, Haru hauls himself and Makoto through the shallow but raging waters. His arms, shoulders and back scream from the strain of bearing all seventy-three kilograms of Makoto’s weight, since his superstrength seems to be failing him at the moment. His leg muscles burn, but he can't stop. If he stops here, the ocean will swallow them whole, and it will be a cold day in hell before he allows the ocean to take Makoto away from him.

At long last, Haru’s feet touch damp sand, just in time as his knees give way and he collapses (though he's careful not to drop Makoto too hard). He gives himself two seconds to catch his breath before immediately swiveling around to Makoto.

“Makoto,” Haru whispers, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. His shouts of Makoto’s name grow louder the longer Makoto stays silent and still. “Makoto! Wake up, Makoto!” 

When Makoto still refuses to respond, Haru’s desperation threatens to freeze his throat shut. Frantically, he turns from left to right, looking for someone, _anyone,_ who can help. “Is anyone around here?” he forces himself to shout. “Nagisa! Rei! Someone, _anyone!_ ”

Only the thundering of the sky responds to his pleas. The reality of the situation sinks in slowly, then all at once—he is alone on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, and the only other person with him is unconscious and could be dying for all he knows. His hands can't stop shaking, and not just from the cold. He can handle cold just fine, but not his best friend lying, unstirring, by his side.

_Think, Haru, think! You took swimming lessons at the SC—surely they taught you something about lifesaving?_

His body moves on its own, as if on autopilot. His head dips down to press against Makoto’s chest. Heartbeat, check. 

Haru rises back up and checks the rest of Makoto’s body for any injuries—if there are any cuts or bruises from the brutal waves or other demons lurking in the ocean. None. Good. 

Haru's hand cups the side of Makoto’s pale face, tilting his head towards Haru. He tilts his own head down, ear towards Makoto’s mouth. Shallow—too shallow—breaths tickle his earlobe. Something must be stuck in his airways.

Thunder cracks above him, and Haru is spurred into action.

Thankfully, his muscle memory still recalls the mandatory mouth-to-mouth lessons he took at Iwatobi SC. He tilts Makoto’s head back, pinches his nose, leans in close until their mouths are nearly touching, and draws in a deep breath. He closes his eyes, lowers his head—

—and Makoto coughs.

Haru recoils just in time as Makoto rolls over on his side and coughs water up onto the sand. Relief floods the blue end of their Bond, mingling with the hazy confusion from the green end.

“Makoto!” Haru cries out.

“Ha… Haruka?” Makoto croaks, before bursting into another fit of wet coughs. 

“Makoto, are you okay?”

“Where—where am I?”

“I think we’re on Tsukishima Island,” Haru replies. His heart drums frantically against his chest, still not quite over the earlier danger. “The island opposite our campsite, remember?”

"Oh, yeah…" Makoto slowly pushes himself up into a sitting position. “Where's Rei? Rei!”

“Oi, you shouldn't be moving now,” Haru snaps, his hands clamping down on Makoto’s shoulders. “You should rest. You nearly _drowned_.”

“But Rei—”

“Nagisa went to rescue Rei. Don't worry about them. Worry about yourself instead.” 

The storm rages on. The longer they stay out, the more likely they are to catch a cold. Since Makoto seems fine enough to move around, Haru hauls him to his feet and brings him to a small shelter under the cliff to wait out the rain. They take a seat on a makeshift bench of rocks, after which silence hangs over them like a dark, heavy cloud.

Now that the immediate danger is over, anger shoves the fear and panic aside and threatens to pull Haru apart at the seams—anger at Rei, who Haru can guess was the one responsible for putting Makoto in danger; anger at Makoto for diving into the ocean recklessly on his own instead of calling for help; anger at Nagisa for stealing his power through the Bond right when he needed it the most and making him share a tent with him when Haru should've been with Makoto; and, most of all, anger at _himself_ for not being able to prevent this. What the hell—he’s the vice-captain, isn't he? He should have used his power as vice-captain to veto the idea; he should have suggested that they hold the camp in school like a normal school club, instead of travelling to some random islands in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by the one fucking thing his best friend fears so much that he could have very well _died._

Beside him, Makoto flinches, probably sensing Haru’s biting fury. A small bout of guilt washes away some of the anger.

Instead of giving Makoto a piece of his mind like he was initially planning on doing, Haru calms himself down and quietly asks, “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah.” But Makoto’s eyes are still downcast, solemn. 

Another cloud of silence hangs over them. It is oppressive. Usually, silence doesn't make Haru uncomfortable, since Makoto is normally the one who breaks it if it’s necessary.

But seeing and feeling how uneasy Makoto still is, Haru decides to take responsibility for once.

“You're still afraid of the ocean.”

Makoto doesn't meet Haru’s eyes. “I—I thought I was over it already. It was such a long time ago, it would be silly to still be worked up over it. But when I saw Rei drowning…” His hand covers his face, as if too ashamed to show himself to Haru. “I just—froze. I couldn't do anything, Haru. My body refused to move, and I started to have flashbacks of the past. The funeral procession, the old fisherman… I was just _stuck_ there.” His hands begin to shake, and his voice chokes up. “I'm sorry for putting you in danger too, Haru.”

“None of this is your fault,” Haru whispers.

“I’m the captain and more experienced swimmer, so why… why couldn't I do anything to save Rei?”

Haru hates this. He hates Makoto’s habit of taking responsibility for every single thing that goes wrong, even when it's not his fucking fault. Why can't Makoto see that he's only human, that there are some things simply beyond his control? He's only hurting himself like this.

“That's enough, Makoto,” Haru insists.

But Makoto doesn't seem to hear him. “I was the one who decided to hold this training camp—” 

_Not true,_ Haru wants to argue. _That was Gou and Nagisa’s idea. You were just suckered into it because you're too soft to say no._

“—and I was the one who chartered the swim club, too.”

 _Again, Nagisa’s idea, which you were also suckered into because, AGAIN, you're too soft to say no._

“It’s because I wanted to swim with you again,” Makoto declares, taking Haru by surprise. “The relay—I wanted to swim in the medley relay with all of you one more time. I wanted to see the sight I saw five years ago. But… but if you're not there—” He turns to face Haru, his eyes shining. “—then there's no point. It’s meaningless without you, Haru! You're the one I want to swim with; you're the one who gives meaning to swimming.”

“Makoto…” Haru pauses, suddenly unsure of what to say. A memory of a time long gone flashes through his mind—the time Makoto asked him to join Iwatobi SC with him. When Haru initially refused and told Makoto he could swim on his own at the SC if that was what he wanted, Makoto said the exact same thing: _“It’s meaningless without you.”_

Whatever tiny bit of anger left in Haru at Makoto’s recklessness dissolves. He reaches for Makoto’s face, pulls him close, and kisses the tip of his nose. His other hand takes Makoto’s and gives it three quick squeezes. 

“I'm…” Haru starts, but stops when he realises that he's about to say _"I'm not going anywhere"_. That would be a lie, and he can't bear to hurt Makoto like that. Instead, he whispers, “Of course I’ll swim with you. Did anything give you any impression otherwise?”

Makoto lets out a low hum, not quite a chuckle but almost there. “No, no.”

Haru pulls away and settles back on the rock beside Makoto’s. He studies Makoto carefully—his body is trembling from the cold, and his expression is still melancholy.

But his hand hasn't let go of Haru’s.

And so, while the storm rages around them and the ocean crashes into the shore, Haru doesn't let go either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> figured that after 3 chapters of melancholy endings, i'd give this one a somewhat bittersweet—with a little more emphasis on the sweet—ending.
> 
> kudos and feedback are always appreciated! thanks for reading :-)
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	5. yin and yang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru knows the universe operates on a balance of energies—too much bad or good energy would tear the foundations of everything apart. It's yin and yang, as his late grandmother would say. 
> 
> Hence, when his pleasant morning swim from Tsukishima Island to the base island is interrupted by the sight of Rin in front of their tents, glaring out at the ocean, Haru can't say that he is terribly surprised.

Bright, warm yellow floods through the Bond, and not a second later does Haru hear Nagisa’s telltale shouting.

“See, I told you they were here, Rei-chan! Haru-chan, Mako-chan!”

“Rei, Nagisa!” Makoto instantly rises to his feet, though Haru has to grab his elbow to steady him before getting up himself. “Are the two of you okay?”

The two of them nod in unison. The relief from the green Bond is palpable, but the anger that Haru thought he'd shoved aside is flaring back up again. Nagisa casts a worried look at him, which he pointedly ignores. Nagisa could have gotten him and Makoto killed if it weren't for the friendly passerby dolphins—Haru’s anger is perfectly justified.

“Rei,” Makoto says. The relief bows aside for shame and guilt. “I'm… I'm sorry I couldn't save you earlier.”

Haru bites his tongue to prevent himself from yelling. _Sorry?_ Who the hell _apologises_ for diving headfirst into the one thing they fear more than anything else to save a teammate from their own foolishness, and is unable to do so because of said crippling fear? See, this is what Haru means by Makoto’s near-pathological need to help everyone at the expense of himself.

“It’s fine,” Rei hastily replies, as if coming to the same conclusion as Haru. He bows his head low to Makoto. “It was my fault to begin with. I shouldn't have gone out to the ocean on my own, especially at night. My sincerest apologies, Makoto-senpai.”

Makoto’s expression softens. “Hey, don't worry about. It’s okay. What matters now is that you're safe and sound.”

“It’s not okay,” Haru cuts in sharply. “Why the hell did you go to the ocean in the middle of the night? You should know better than that, Rei.”

Rei averts his gaze and bites down on his lip, unable to respond.

“Rei-chan was practising on his own, wasn't he?” Nagisa pipes up, his voice light and chirpy. “He just wanted to catch up to us.”

Rei, with his head lowered in shame, lets out a quiet “… Yes.”

Even if Rei’s determination to improve is admirable, Haru doesn't think it is any reason to put the rest of the team in danger.

But before Haru can give Rei another piece of his mind, Nagisa steps between them and adds, “Plus, this isn't just Rei-chan’s fault. Mako-chan needs to reflect on his actions, too. How could you save a drowning person on your own, especially in the middle of a storm at night?”

Makoto flinches a little. It’s not often that the biggest and most mature person on the team gets scolded by his polar opposite. The sight would almost be hilariously absurd if not for the remaining fury still lingering in Haru.

“And Haru-chan,” Nagisa says, whirling around to face Haru, “how could you just dive into the ocean like that? That was really reckless of you.”

“Didn't you do the same?” Haru snaps, annoyed.

Nagisa giggles sheepishly, and somehow that manages to dissolve most of Haru’s anger. “Well, at any rate, it’s a good thing that we’re all okay.”

Now that the team is back together and the tension has more or less dissipated, they set off towards the resthouse perched on the top of the cliff to wait out the storm.

Shrouded in the darkness of the nighttime storm, the resthouse does not look the slightest bit welcoming. In fact, the entire vibe it gives off reminds Haru of those bad horror films Nagisa likes to make him and Makoto watch. Haru has never been affected much by horror, since it’s all fiction and bad jumpscares, but he knows how… _impressionable_ Makoto is. 

Haru glances to his side where Makoto is. His expression is drawn and pale, and his unease is so potent it’s a wonder that Rei doesn't feel it.

“Makoto, are you okay?” Haru asks quietly.

Makoto offers a small smile. “Yep, I'm fine.” 

It sounds more honest this time, but the underlying uneasiness is still there. As subtly as he can, Haru intertwines their fingers together and gives Makoto’s clammy hand a fleeting squeeze.

“Come on, you two,” Nagisa complains. “Stop acting like a couple who's about to enter a haunted house.”

Irritation flares through Haru again, but he knows losing his temper with Nagisa isn't the way to handle him. Plus, Nagisa seems to be in the mood for thrills so Haru is going to give it to him. He lowers himself to Nagisa’s height, points to the side and whispers in the most eerie voice he can muster, “There's something over there.”

Nagisa squeals in terror, but a green burst of fear accompanies it. Looking back, Haru spots Makoto hugging himself. His face is even paler than before.

“Sorry,” Haru says. In his irritation, he forgot how easily Makoto gets frightened too. 

“It’s okay,” Makoto replies with a smile and wave of his hand.

“I’ll go and check this place out. You wait outside here.”

“I’ll go too.”

Haru eyes Makoto uncertainly. “Are you sure? Doesn't this kind of thing scare you?”

“Well,” Makoto says, “since everyone is here, I’ll be fine.”

Haru isn't sure how the presence of three other guys is somehow able to alleviate Makoto’s very real fear of dark and scary buildings, but since Makoto won't be alone this time, he lets it go. 

Like the fearless explorer he is, Nagisa leads the way. Out of all of them, he seems to be the only one without anything weighing heavily on his mind; Rei is still wallowing in guilt, if his pensive expression is anything to go by, the paleness remains fixed in Makoto’s face, and Haru is still trying to push aside the earlier distress and anger. 

Nagisa leads them to a kitchen, which looks like it has seen better days. Rust clings to metal pipes like weed, and moss sprouts in the darkest and dampest corners. As if playing a mere game of Scooby-doo, he makes Rei open the shady-looking refrigerator, only for it to yield a grand total of zero food items.

“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Nagisa remarks. His stomach rumbles loudly in agreement.

“We still need to find food,” Haru says. The arduous swim through the roiling ocean and the sudden transformations from and back to a human have drained him of most of his energy, and he needs to replenish it ASAP. 

Since the refrigerator is a no-go, Haru decides to try the pantry on the other side of the kitchen. In his haste to fill his empty stomach, he doesn't pay attention to the stuff lying haphazardly on the floor. Something sharp pierces through the sole of his left foot, causing him to stumble. 

"Ow, fuck," he mutters. 

“Haru!” Makoto is by his side in an instant.

“Careful,” Haru snaps. He hobbles forward to lean his weight against the wall. “There's glass on the floor. Don't go running around like an idiot.”

“Haruka-senpai injured himself?” Rei cries out, distraught. “But we don't have any—is there a first-aid kit here? Nagisa-kun, let’s go look for a first-aid kit for Haruka-senpai.”

“It’s fine. Just need to take it out and wash it.”

“But the first-aid theory book I read said that—”

Paying Rei’s theory no mind, Haru carefully balances himself and lifts his left foot up, where the offending shard of glass pokes its head out. Haru yanks it out, wincing slightly when blood dribbles out, and tosses the shard into a nearby trash can. At least it won't be hurting anyone else there. 

Once done with that, Haru limps to the faucet. It takes him three tries before he's finally able to turn the rusted knob. He sends Nagisa a meaningful look, and Nagisa immediately gets it.

“It looks like Haru-chan will be alright after all,” Nagisa hums, steering Rei by the shoulders to the pantry. 

“But Haruka-senpai’s foot is still hurt,” Rei protests but is unable to do much against the force of Nagisa’s stubbornness.

“While Haru-chan is washing his injury, let’s find something to eat! I'm so hungry I could eat an ox!”

The moment Rei’s back is turned, Haru sticks his foot under the running water. A tingling, refreshing coolness emanates from within his core, mingles with the gently gushing water and wraps around his wound. In no time, new skin grows over the incision like his foot was never injured to begin with.

Behind him, it appears that Nagisa and Rei are ganging up against the pantry door and they're unfortunately on the losing side. 

“I think it’s locked,” Rei pants after giving the handle yet another fruitless tug.

“Try again, Rei-chan!” Nagisa urges, and his stomach whines in agreement.

“Here, let me try,” Makoto offers. He grasps the handle, and the green Bond glows momentarily before he pulls. Effortlessly, the handle falls off like it’s a mere flimsy piece of paper.

“Has Makoto-senpai always been this strong?” Rei demands, wide-eyed.

Makoto laughs, sheepishness mixing with nervousness. “Um, well, I’ve always put on muscle rather easily.”

“Ah, I see” is all Rei says, and Haru lets out a soundless sigh of relief. At least Makoto’s superpower can be hand-waved aside as natural brute strength.

Nagisa flings the doors open, but the excitement thrumming through his Bond turns into mild disappointment. “Oh, I was hoping they'd have strawberry cream bread or something. There are canned pineapples and mackerel, though.”

Haru instantly perks up. If there is one good thing that has come out of this ordeal, it has to be the mackerel, which has come to them in their time of need like a much-needed silver lining. 

He marches forward and scoops up as many cans as he can hold in his arms, and it is with great joy that he turns around to face his teammates and announces, “I’ll make supper.”

* * *

Haru doesn't get the others’ reluctance. Pineapple with mackerel has to be one of the best combinations of food that he has ever tried, and that is saying a lot because he has tried mixing mackerel with many types of food.

“Mackerel, pineapple and boiled bottled water,” Nagisa mumbles as he takes a sip of his water. "What kind of resthouse doesn't have strawberry cream bread?" 

“Be grateful that at least there's food that hasn't expired yet,” Haru points out, feeling bizarrely like a mother scolding her picky kids. Oh no, Makoto’s fussing tendencies must be rubbing off on him. To cover this up, he adds, “If you’d rather go hungry for the rest of the night, be my guest. More mackerel for me.”

“Haru-chan makes a good point. It’s okay, we can just imagine that we’re having a super fancy meal! Like this—” Nagisa holds up his cup of boiled water. “—isn’t water, but a rich consommé soup!”

“That’ll just make our situation feel worse in comparison,” Rei deadpans.

“Life must be dull without a spark of imagination,” Nagisa retorts, and Rei clicks his tongue in annoyance.

Haru doesn't care. As long as he has mackerel in his stomach, he doesn't care if it’s of a rich ‘consommé’ variety or from a can.

“I feel warmer now, though,” Makoto says. “Thanks for the food, Haru.”

Haru lets out a noncommittal grunt. He glances out of the window, where the storm still rages on outside. “It doesn't look like it’ll let up any time soon.”

“What should we do now, then?” Nagisa asks.

“Sleep.”

Nagisa nearly launches himself across the table at Haru in abject horror. “But that's so boring! We’re playing a survival game on a deserted island, Haru-chan. When will we ever get an opportunity like this back home? We should hunt for fish in the ocean with sticks or find wild edible mushrooms to survive on until we find a way back to the base!”

Haru sighs. Nagisa must have missed the part that they are here precisely _because_ they can't be outside.

Rei’s eyebrow twitches; he seems to share some of Haru’s sentiments, at least. “We’re not in a reality show, you know.”

“Still, I don't think it’s possible for us to fall asleep in a place like this,” Makoto says, shrinking in ever so slightly on himself. “Nagisa is right—we should find a way to pass time indoors.”

Nagisa pauses, as if in deep contemplation, before perking up. “I know, let’s play a game!”

Nagisa makes them sit in a loose circle on the floor and whips out a small box, with all their names conveniently written on it, from who-knows-where (Haru doesn't miss the fact that Rei’s name is written on three of the box’s faces). His idea of a game is simple enough: whoever’s name lands face-up has to tell a story or do something silly, depending on what he wants.

For the first round, Nagisa instructs Rei to tell them an embarrassing story from his childhood. After Rei’s turn, Haru is tasked with telling them about the first time he fell in love. Too embarrassed to bare his feelings for Makoto in front of all of them, he instead cites a waterfall he saw when he was a kid, which technically isn't a lie because it was one _beautiful_ waterfall (but still, it isn't _Makoto_ ). 

As the game goes on, Haru thinks he has a good idea of what Nagisa is _really_ trying to do. Gradually, the tension from everyone’s earlier near-death experience is ebbing away, replaced by a comfortable sense of company, like they are simply at a sleepover playing silly games.

The topic turns to pets, and Haru notices Makoto stiffening out of the corner of his eye. Nagisa lifts the box, about to roll it, but Haru snatches it.

“I’ll answer,” he says curtly. He can't risk having the box land on Makoto’s name. “I had a dog in middle school. Well, sort of.”

“Oh, oh!” Nagisa chimes in, bouncing up and down in place. “Is it about the dog that kept following you and Mako-chan to the SC?”

Haru nods. “Makkou.” 

“Makkou?” Rei echoes. “As in, Makoto-senpai’s name?”

“Haru-chan named his dog after Mako-chan, how cute,” Nagisa giggles.

“It’s nothing like that,” Haru mutters. “He was the one who kept pestering me about adopting the dog ‘cause it kept lingering around my home, even though _he_ was clearly the one the dog got attached to first.”

“It’s a good thing you took him in,” Makoto says diplomatically. 

Haru glares at him. He still hasn't quite forgotten how Makoto pretty much manipulated him into adopting that dog. “I didn't want to, at first.”

“Ah, I remember that. Haru-chan even asked me to adopt it, since I had experience raising a dog before,” Nagisa adds for Rei’s benefit.

“So why didn't you?” Rei asks curiously.

Nagisa’s smile turns sad. “I really loved my old dog. His name was Dick. When he died, I cried for three days straight. 'Cause of how attached I was to him, I felt like adopting another dog would be like replacing him, and there was no replacing what he meant to me.”

The grief—old, tempered but still so powerful—pushes through an otherwise long healed-over wound from Nagisa’s end of the Bond. Makoto’s expression falls; he too knows what it feels like to lose a beloved pet.

As for Haru, he still remembers that day he saw another side of Nagisa. He thought Nagisa would be delighted at the prospect of having a pet, so it was like a slap to the face when Nagisa instead shouted, his voice wobbling like he was on the verge of tears, “There’s no replacement for my dog! Could Haru-chan find a replacement for Mako-chan or me?”

And those simple words have stuck with Haru, even until now. He didn't answer Nagisa then, because he _couldn't._ Because the truth was that it would be impossible for him to replace two of the most important, precious people in his life. While he has certainly met people with Nagisa’s cheerfulness and zest for life, like Asahi and Kisumi in middle school, they weren't _Nagisa._ Nagisa is Nagisa, Makoto is Makoto, Rin is Rin, and Asahi, Ikuya and Kisumi are Asahi, Ikuya and Kisumi. All of them have carved their own place in Haru’s life (even Kisumi, he grudgingly supposes). And when he is eventually gone, the parts of his soul that each and every one of them has made their indentation on will remain like echoes of a past he won't be able to hear anymore.

He doesn't want to think if Makoto, Nagisa, Rin, Rei and his friends from middle school will find a replacement for him when he is no longer a part of their lives—or worse, not finding a replacement and never moving on.

“What happened to Makkou-kun the dog?” Rei ventures, sounding hesitant like he's treading into uncharted territory.

“Fell ill and passed away,” Haru says shortly. 

“Ehh?” Nagisa exclaims. “Aww, I'm sorry, Haru-chan. I should've been there.”

Haru can't bear the sympathetic look on Nagisa’s face, so he stares at the floor instead. “It would just make you sad.” _And I don't like seeing you sad._

“Ah, that's true. I'm no Rin-chan, but I still cry kinda easily. Hmm, I definitely cried a ton after we won that relay in elementary school. Mako-chan was crying too, and Rin-chan was crying the hardest.” He giggles. “Haru-chan was kinda just standing there, but I'm sure he was crying on the inside too.”

Haru spears him with a glare. “Was not.”

Nagisa just laughs in that annoyingly astute way of his. “It was quite a bittersweet day, wasn't it? Sure, we won, but it was really sad ‘cause the first relay we got to swim together was also our last. Oh, it’s because Rin-chan was flying off to Australia the next day, and Mako-chan and Haru-chan were gonna join the middle school group, so I would be alone in the elementary school group,” he adds after spotting Rei's confused look.

“The four of you were close, I presume?” Rei says with a small, forced-looking smile.

“That was then,” Haru replies. “It has no bearing on the present.”

“What a Haru-chan thing to say,” Nagisa chirps. “But now that we’re together again and we have Rei-chan, we can swim in a relay again! Ah, maybe not this year ‘cause we didn't sign up, but—”

“I only swim free.”

An awkward pause falls over the group before Nagisa quickly smooths it over by changing the subject. Haru silently thanks him. Even just thinking about relays fills him with too many bothersome emotions for him to try and work through. In elementary school, he didn't want to do it at first because Rin was an absolute pain in the ass. But when he actually did it, it was the best thing to happen to him, and there was no way any other relay team could conjure up the same sight he saw that time. 

That was why he struggled in middle school, because while Makoto was there, Asahi and Ikuya weren't Rin and Nagisa and they weren't connected by a Bond. But being strong-armed by Natsuya's iron stubbornness and Nao's gentle guidance into the relay—well, while it didn't yield the same sight he saw with Rin and Nagisa, it was still a breathtaking experience. He didn't have a Bond with Asahi and Ikuya, but they shared a bond, which he learned could be nearly as powerful as a Bond—especially between him and Ikuya. They were held together by a promise made under a shooting star to swim together again. 

The four of them—connected by a bond that wasn't a Bond—could have had it all, but slowly they fell apart. Asahi moved without any warning, Makoto couldn't juggle club activities and taking care of his siblings at the same time, Haru vowed never to swim competitively again after unwittingly crushing Rin’s spirit… and perhaps because of all that, Ikuya left, leaving behind the remains of a promise shattered by none other than Haru’s own hand. And whether Ikuya returns or not doesn't matter anymore, because that was then, this is now, and Haru’s future won't have a single trace of Ikuya, old but unforgotten promises made under a shooting star, or any of his friends.

“Ah, it got kinda moody again,” Nagisa says, rubbing the back of his head. “Hmm, how about a more lighthearted question? Mako-chan!”

“Y—yes?” 

Nagisa taps his chin thoughtfully. “Let’s see… Valentines’ Day! Mako-chan must have had lots of girls lining up to give him gifts on Valentines’ Day, right?”

“Eh?” Makoto exclaims, his face going pink. “What makes you say that?”

“He did,” Haru says flatly. Or at least, Makoto used to, up until the second year of middle school. Haru isn't sure why it suddenly stopped, or why the girls kept giving him strange looks when passing by him and Makoto in the hallway.

“I knew it!” Nagisa cheers.

“That makes sense,” Rei says. “Makoto-senpai is kind and polite, and girls like guys like that. And Makoto-senpai is tall, which girls also like.”

Haru doesn't see why what girls like in Makoto matters, since Makoto isn't the slightest bit interested in girls. Haru believes that he wouldn't care even if Makoto _was_ interested in girls, since it is Makoto’s own choice as to who he is interested in. 

(Haru tells the unpleasant twinge in his chest to fuck off.)

“So, Mako-chan, what did you do?” Nagisa questions eagerly.

“Um, I thanked them for their generosity? I mean, there were some _really_ fancy chocolates in there…”

“No, no! Did you go on a _date?_ ”

“D—date?! Well…” Makoto pauses. “There was this one girl who asked me to accompany her to the arcade. She seemed nice and friendly, and when I asked Haru if it was okay he just said _‘You should do what you want’_ , so I agreed. I, uh…”

“What is it, Mako-chan?” Nagisa presses. “Tell us, tell us!”

Makoto hangs his head low. “I didn't realise it was, like, a _date_ until she confessed to me halfway through a game. I felt really bad, okay? I thought it was just a casual hang-out between friends or something. So I said I had plans with Haru in the evening and ran all the way back home.”

Haru rolls his eyes. Only a disaster gay like Makoto would accidentally go on a date with a girl and end up breaking her smitten heart while also inadvertently coming out as said disaster gay.

“Ehh, you copped out?” Nagisa exclaims. 

“What else was I supposed to do?!”

“I don't know—maybe tell her that she's nice but you'd rather stay friends or something if you don't feel like coming out!”

Makoto sighs. “Well, I suppose a part of me just wanted to be out of that situation. Throughout the whole thing, I just didn't feel… _right._ In fact, it kinda felt like I was…”

_“It kinda felt like I was cheating on you.”_

That was what Makoto said when he explained to Haru (without Haru even asking) why he didn't continue going out with her. Haru found it ridiculous, because nowhere did either of them ever _say_ that they were like _that._ Even so, Haru has never been interested in another person (water doesn't count as a person), and Makoto has never gone out on a date with anyone else after that. In fact, Haru isn't sure if what he and Makoto have been doing can be considered dating, since they spend nearly all their waking hours together anyway. Nevertheless, a selfish part of him is glad that they are what they are and Makoto hasn't gotten Valentines' Day chocolates ever since then. 

“You felt like you were…?” Nagisa prompts.

Makoto shakes his head, his face still red. “Um, nothing!”

From the knowing look on Nagisa’s face, it is evident that he already knows the answer, so why… 

Then Haru spots the understanding that dawns on Rei’s face, and he gets it. So this is Nagisa’s way of trying to clue Rei in on all of their long, complex history together. Haru isn't sure if it is possible to condense _everything_ they and Rin went through together in just one night of storytelling, but he supposes Nagisa’s tenacity is admirable.

Now that Makoto’s turn is over, he rolls the box. It lands on Nagisa’s name this round.

“Finally,” Rei mutters. “Well, Nagisa-kun, what shall you show us?”

Haru can't believe Rei just passed up a perfect opportunity to get back at Nagisa for all the embarrassing stories he made him tell.

Nagisa grins and leaps to his feet. “I’ll show you my best talent!”

Holding his hands out to his sides and pursing his lips in a pout, Nagisa starts waddling back and forth. Haru had no idea that impersonating a wind-up toy counted as a talent. It seems that Nagisa is more knowledgeable and versatile than Haru had initially given him credit for.

“What's that supposed to be?” 

“You guys can't tell?” Nagisa demands, sounding dismayed. “I'm imitating the _iwatobi_ penguin!”

“Really?” Haru is still of the opinion that Nagisa is acting more like a wind-up toy.

“I can't spot any similarities at all,” Rei adds, squinting at Nagisa. 

“Aww, come on! Watch closer, you guys!” Nagisa starts waddling again, this time with even more exaggerated movements, like a wind-up toy that is starting to malfunction. He looks absolutely ridiculous, but in that endearing way only Nagisa can pull off.

A chuckle escapes from Makoto. Fond humour tinges the green end of the Bond, and it doesn't hold itself back.

Nagisa stops his imitation and turns to smile softly at Makoto. “Mako-chan, you finally laughed. I'm glad. You were looking really gloomy earlier.”

Makoto’s eyes widen before he glances away. A self-deprecating smile strains itself across his face. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you guys worry.”

Haru sighs. When will Makoto stop apologising for things that aren't his fault? No one would blame Makoto for being at least a little gloomy after nearly being killed by the thing he fears the most.

A tense silence permeates through the room, before being broken by Rei.

“Um, I'm concerned about one thing. When Makoto-senpai tried to rescue me earlier, I just—I got a feeling that there was something… different about you.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” Haru interjects tersely.

“But—”

“ _Just drop it already!_ ” 

Protective anger sears through Haru and kicks the earlier comfortable ease aside. Being subjected to the ocean is enough for Makoto for one night; he doesn't need to be incessantly questioned about it too. Haru won't allow anything to drag Makoto back to those dark days.

Makoto’s expression is soft and open, a contrast to the glare on Haru’s face. “Thanks, Haru, but it’s okay. I want them to know, because we’re a team.”

 _It’s not okay and you know it,_ Haru wants to argue. But the conviction behind that soft expression makes the words curl up and die on his tongue. He sits back and lets Makoto speak, if that is what he wants to do.

It pains Haru—nearly to a physical level—to hear Makoto retell the story of the kind fisherman he befriended, who drowned in the same boat as Rin’s father, as well as the story of the two goldfish. They were a gift from the fisherman, and they died days after the wreckage at the ocean despite Makoto's best efforts to take care of them. The pain and fear underlying Makoto’s otherwise even tone is palpable. Haru wants to reach out, take Makoto’s hand in his, and lace their fingers together as a promise to never let him go where Haru can't protect him. 

But Makoto—he wants to do this for himself, that much is clear. And so, Haru lets him speak, and he hates himself for not being able to do more, for not being able to keep his promises. First Ikuya, and now Makoto. How many more people will he hurt with his chronic inability to keep his promises? 

When Makoto reaches the end of his story, Haru regains his ability to speak.

“That's enough, Makoto.”

“But Makoto-senpai,” Rei begins, and Haru’s anger spikes up again.

“I said enough, didn't I?” Haru snaps. For a second, he can feel his scales lurking just beneath the surface of his skin, prepared to rip through so he can protect Makoto. “You were the reason why he nearly drowned. You were the one who forced him to relive everything again. Haven't you already done enough damage?”

“Haru-chan, that's not very nice,” Nagisa chides him. “You didn't even let Rei-chan finish speaking.”

“It really is okay, Haru,” Makoto adds soothingly. “Let Rei ask his questions.”

Haru huffs and folds his arms. Rei better have a good fucking question, or so help Haru… 

Rei glances between Makoto and Haru, as if afraid that Haru will lash out again. “Makoto-senpai came to save me anyway, despite your fear of the ocean. Why would you do that? You could have asked Haruka-senpai.”

 _Exactly._ Haru stares pointedly at Makoto.

“And why did you agree to this training camp, even when you knew we would be training in the sea?” Nagisa asks quietly, a rarity for him. “We didn't have to train on the deserted islands if you're scared of the ocean, you know. We could have easily held the camp at school, or at least somewhere not near the ocean.”

 _EXACTLY._ Haru’s stare could burn holes through Makoto.

“Because… because I want to swim,” Makoto answers. He looks up from his hands in his lap, with more conviction and truth behind his smile now. “Because I want to swim with all of you. I feel that if it’s with you guys, I'm strong enough to swim anywhere.”

Everyone takes in a sharp inhale of breath. So this is what swimming means to Makoto—getting to swim with his friends, even at the expense of subjecting himself to the ocean. 

No, Haru realises, that isn't accurate. For Makoto, the ocean is terrifying, but getting to swim with Nagisa, Rei and Haru far overpowers that fear. It is the unique type of courage you can only get because you have friends swimming by your side every stroke of the way.

As if on cue, the rain stops. Or perhaps it has been gradually diminishing to nothing over the past few hours and has finally drawn to its conclusion.

“Let’s go out!” Nagisa declares. He dashes down the stairs two at a time, Makoto’s pleas to be careful falling on deaf ears. With an exasperated sigh, Rei bolts after him, presumably to make sure he doesn't trip and break his nose. Haru and Makoto share a look that speaks more words than Haru could ever find. Makoto's gentle smile says it all: _I'm okay. Thank you._

And for the first time that night, Haru believes him. 

In unison, they get up and chase after Rei and Nagisa. They burst through the front door, and the cool air hits Haru first, then the view above him. 

The storm must have blown all the clouds away, because now they can see each and every twinkling star dotting the deep blue gradient of the early morning sky. Haru has never bothered watching the stars since there's so much down here, but this sight—it could give that waterfall he saw a run for its money.

“It’s so beautiful!” Nagisa exclaims in admiration.

“We can see all the constellations,” Rei says, pointing at the dome of stars above them. “Those should be the Summer Triangle, the stars Vega of Lyra, Deneb of Cygnus, and Altair of Aquila.”

“It’s impressive how you can remember all that, Rei,” Makoto says kindly.

"Of course!" Rei says, pushing his glasses up. "I have studied all the theories of astronomy there is to know very thoroughly."

“Is that the Squid?” Nagisa chimes in and points out a vaguely squiggly set of constellations. 

“Where's the mackerel constellation?” Haru demands. It deserves that much, at least.

Makoto laughs. “Those aren't constellations, you two.”

“Oh, oh! That must be the _iwatobi_ penguin constellation!”

“No, it’s not.”

“Aww, Rei-chan, you're no fun. Can't you at least play along?” Nagisa pauses, as if just noticing something, and points downwards. “Look, look!”

Haru looks down, and all the air in him sharply leaves his lungs. If he thought the dome of clear shining stars above him was beautiful, the sight of said stars beneath his feet, reflected in the ocean, is absolutely breathtaking. He takes a small step forward, and he almost feels like saying something Nagisa-like, like they are walking among the stars or something. 

Everyone gazes down at the star-speckled ocean, as if in worship. Haru burns this sight—of the stars beneath him, above him, and the ones around him called Makoto, Nagisa and Rei—into his soul for safekeeping. He could never have witnessed such a sight alone, so for several fragments of time suspended among the constellations, he simply savours the moment.

* * *

The sight that greets them when they rise from their nap on the beach is just about as beautiful—kisses of pink and amber peeking through fluffy clouds, the tranquil ocean reflecting it in sparkling waves. Looking at it now, Haru can hardly believe how vicious the same ocean was just last night.

Most of all, he can't believe for all the struggling and fighting through the ocean he did during the storm, their base island is merely a little over a kilometer away from where they are now. Haru wonders if last night’s incident was the ocean’s way of mocking them, a small upstart swim team from a one-horse town, and their audacity to swim in it.

“Will Amakata-sensei and Gou-san see us if we wave from here?” Rei wonders aloud.

“They're probably still asleep,” Haru points out. It’s barely past sunrise.

“Will they come and pick us up in a boat if they don't find us in the tents?” Nagisa asks.

“Where will they even get a boat from? Coach Sasabe returned to Iwatobi with it, and it’s not like they can just take any old boat.”

“Should I swim back there and inform them?” Makoto suggests.

“Don't be an idiot,” Haru says sharply. “After what happened last night…”

Makoto smiles at him, like he finds his worrying cute (Haru takes offense at that). “But the ocean is calm now. Besides, you guys are here with me, so I know I'll be okay."

Nagisa grins brightly. “In that case, I’ll go with you!” Not waiting for a reply, he charts a path through the sand to the ocean for them and leaps in.

“Then I shall go too!” And Rei is off. 

Stunned, Haru turns to Makoto. Makoto regards him with a tender expression that Haru is too embarrassed to look at. With a soft chuckle, Makoto sidles closer, wraps his arms around Haru’s midriff from behind and rests his forehead on Haru's shoulder.

“Thanks for protecting me, Haru-chan.” Makoto’s breath warms Haru’s skin and chases after the goosebumps that erupt across it.

“Stop calling me ‘chan’ already,” Haru grumbles. He desperately tries to ignore the heat in his face, as well as the one slowly peaking to dangerous levels in his lower core. “And what gave you the idea that I _wouldn't_ protect you? Don't be silly.”

Haru can feel Makoto’s chuckle on his bare skin, sending even more goosebumps racing across him. Makoto pulls away, gives Haru a smile, before giving chase after Nagisa and Rei.

Haru stares after Makoto’s shrinking outline in wonderment, temporarily forgetting where he is.

* * *

Haru knows the universe operates on a balance of energies—too much bad or good energy would tear the foundations of everything apart. It's yin and yang, as his late grandmother would say. 

Hence, when his pleasant morning swim from Tsukishima Island to the base island is interrupted by the sight of Rin in front of their tents, glaring out at the ocean, Haru can't say that he is terribly surprised.

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa greets. “Gou-chan told us Samezuka was here, but still, fancy seeing you here! How’s your training—”

“Haru, a word,” Rin demands. Not waiting for a reply, he snatches Haru’s wrist and drags him away. Waves slam against the boulders jutting out from the coastline, kinda like how Rin slams Haru against a wall under the cliff. 

“If you want to challenge me to a race or jump me, I'm not interested,” Haru says evenly. 

“Ha, like I’d wanna jump your skinny bones,” Rin snorts. “It’s not about that. Haru, what the hell happened last night? The Bond—Makoto—what happened to Makoto? Was it the ocean?”

“He's fine now.”

Rin scans Haru’s face, as though he's trying to detect a lie. A storm of mixed emotions rages from the red end of the Bond—anger, worry, apprehension. As always, Rin isn't making any sense. “… Fine, if you say so. Look, Haru, you and I both know you can't keep this up—this whole ‘playing with friends’ thing. You need to cut them off.”

Haru arches his eyebrows. What even _is_ Rin’s train of thought? He keeps jumping back and forth between topics, and with his confusing muddle of emotions from his Bond, Haru is already tired. “Give me one good reason why, and make it good.”

“I… I _can't_ , but you have to trust me. You just _have_ to, okay? Trust me when I say it’s for your own good.”

Haru is sick and tired of all of Rin’s games and cryptic statements and how he constantly veers between aggressive confrontation and slinking away with his tail between his legs, when all Haru wants is just to _understand._ “What's this about, Rin? This game is getting old, and I don't have the patience for this. Do you know something that I don't and you don't want to tell me?”

Rin flinches; alarm crashes through the red Bond like a tidal wave. Hit the nail right on the head, then. “It’s—it’s nothing like that!”

“If I'm supposed to cut them off, then what about you? Am I supposed to cut you off too?”

This time, satisfaction pumps through the red Bond. 

“Yes, Haru." Rin lets go of Haru’s shoulders and steps away from him. “That is exactly it.”

“I won't,” Haru says firmly. He takes a step closer to Rin, only for Rin to back away once more. “If you want me to cut you off, why do you insist on chasing after me like some idiot? You act like you hate every inch of my being one moment, and the next you can't seem to get enough of me. What do you want from me?” 

Something in Rin seems to fall apart. His hard glare cracks, and a glimmer of resigned sadness filters through. “It’s not—look, it’s complicated, okay? But just trust me on this—”

“I've had enough,” Haru cuts him off coolly. “Go back, Rin. We’re doing fine here.”

Rin opens his mouth, as if to continue arguing, but at the last moment he clamps it shut, spins on his heel and stalks away.

Haru doesn't know if the wind means to bring Rin’s hushed whisper of “I'm just trying to save you” to him.

Not for the first time, Haru wonders what exactly Rin knows, and why he's putting in so much effort to hide it from him.

* * *

The training camp ends on a good note; all of them have made tremendous improvement. Special mention has to go to Rei, whose stamina and form have improved so vastly you wouldn't believe that he just began a few weeks ago.

Coach Sasabe arrives at noon to bring them back to Iwatobi on his boat, where Nagisa spends most of the journey singing bad renditions of early 2000’s pop and cajoling Rei into joining him. Gou is busy sorting through the pictures she took during the camp, probably based on some criterion of muscles she has come up with, Amakata-sensei reads some old classic book, and Makoto and Haru linger at the back of the boat to steal some quiet moments alone. 

Words aren't needed, so words aren't spoken. Just having the gentle rising and falling of Makoto’s chest under his head and Makoto’s strong arms around him is enough for Haru. The waves bob gently underneath them. Their entwined bodies rock along with it while still remaining wrapped up around each other. 

Upon arriving at the harbour, they part ways; Amakata-sensei to her car, Rei, Nagisa and Gou to the train station, Sasabe to his workplace, and Makoto and Haru on the old beaten road back home.

Apparently rejuvenated from the peaceful ride back to Iwatobi, Makoto fills the silence with mindless chat about his plans for the weekend.

“Ran and Ren aren't going to leave me alone for a week,” Makoto sighs. “Remember when we had that training camp in middle school with Ikuya and Asahi? Those two kept clinging to me the moment I returned and refused to let go until my parents had to peel them off.”

Haru hums wordlessly. To his surprise, he has found himself rather fond of Ran and Ren. Perhaps it's because they occasionally cause trouble for Makoto which Haru derives some petty pleasure from, considering how Makoto constantly hovers over him like a fussing helicopter. Or perhaps it is simply because they are _Makoto’s_ siblings. That seems like reason enough for him. 

“Hey,” Makoto suddenly says, pausing at the base of the stone staircase. “Speaking of Ran and Ren, they're starting to miss you. You wanna come over tomorrow or something? We still have that level of _Underwater Adventurers_ to complete before fighting the final boss.”

“Mm, alright,” Haru agrees. It’s not like he has any particular plans for tomorrow, anyway.

Makoto grins at him. “Okay, then I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

As Makoto takes the right turn to his home, Haru continues climbing up the staircase. If he's going over to Makoto’s place tomorrow, he should bring some food for the twins. Perhaps that new mackerel recipe—he's been dying to try that one out. And maybe some chocolate cake, since it is apparently all the rage with the Tachibana siblings. But that means he has to buy ingredients, and shopping would be such a pain in the ass. Maybe he will just bring the mackerel and— 

Like a punch to the gut from the universe itself, all of Haru’s plans for tomorrow get abruptly tossed out of the window.

 _Of course, of course, it’s the yearly thing—how could I forget?_ Haru curses himself. Involuntarily, his hands start to shake, because standing in front of his front door is a tall Australian man, with the word _GREAT_ emblazoned like a threat on his shirt pocket.

“Hello, Haruka. It’s been a while, hasn't it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haru's dog, makkou, is from the _high speed! 2_ light novel! but since makkou wasn't even referenced in the anime, i had to make up his fate on my own that fits with this canon's narrative (RIP makkou 😭). the english translation of _high speed! 2_ can be read [here](https://nanowave.wordpress.com/2014/12/26/high-speed-2-chapter-1-jump/).
> 
> thanks for reading! [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	6. my base, your pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the past five years—or their whole lives, really—Makoto has happily given Haru his friendship and love. Yet, he can tell that somewhere, somehow, there is a ghost clinging to Haru, lingering in every corner he turns and hiding in his shadow everywhere he goes. It’s been haunting him for the past five years, and today—with Haru’s listlessness and spacing out and short temper—it’s becoming bolder, more aggressive.
> 
> And Makoto wonders if friendship and love is really enough to heal Haru of whatever it is that's haunting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is the same as that [tooth-rottingly sweet makoharu duet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PQm-BTS_eE&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=40).

The thing about having known someone ever since you were both barely toddlers is that you know, like, _everything_ about them. There is a window into Haru’s heart, mind and soul that is blocked by a large curtain to everyone but Makoto. To Makoto, the curtain doesn't even exist. Sometimes, he wonders if he knows Haru better than Haru knows himself.

He knows what Haru’s second-favourite food is after grilled salted mackerel (blueberry ice cream). He knows the few things that are able to elicit an open smile from Haru (swimming, mackerel, playing with Ran and Ren, and anything to do with Iwatobi-chan); he knows that underneath the frosty exterior lies a warm heart that beats with love.

And because he knows all this, he knows that Haru is hiding something from him.

Well, Makoto should be more specific. For the past five years, he has had a feeling that Haru is hiding something major from him and everyone else. It's nothing more than a soft echo in the back of Makoto’s mind—so quiet that sometimes he questions whether it’s really there or if it’s just him overthinking everything again. It wouldn't be the first time. 

Any other person faced with a nagging feeling that their best friend has been hiding something from them for five years would have asked said best friend about it. But that isn't how Makoto’s relationship with Haru works. He knows Haru would tell him if he thought Makoto should know, so he figures he should just leave it to Haru to tell him if that's what he wants to do; his role is to gently support Haru through it all, no matter what. 

But there is another thing, which has cropped up pretty recently. Specifically, earlier that morning. When Makoto went to retrieve Haru from his tub and make sure he went to school on time, he realised—to his shock—that Haru _wasn't_ in the tub but curled up in a fetal position under his blanket. Makoto had to call his name no less than five times before he finally stirred; and when he did, his gaze was disoriented, as if he had difficulty focusing on Makoto’s face.

Even during their walk to school, Makoto noticed how… _listless_ Haru’s movements were. It was like there were invisible weights strapped to his legs, making each step a painful and laborious task. And when Makoto was telling Haru about what he did yesterday (the day Haru was supposed to come over and play _Underwater Adventurers_ with him but never did), it was clear from Haru’s silence and vacant expression that he didn't even hear Makoto, and that set off several alarm bells in Makoto. On normal days, Haru is simply quiet because that's just the way he is, but he always pays attention. This morning was an example of an _abnormal_ day.

And now, here they are at swim practice after school. Thankfully, some of the colour has returned to Haru’s face, as does his focus. His eyes are sharper and clearer now, but Makoto can tell it’s forced.

Makoto waits for Rei and Nagisa to leave the club room before asking the same question for the third time that day.

“Yes, I'm fine,” Haru says, his voice clipped. “Just didn't sleep well last night, that's all. How many more times are you going to ask me this?”

Haru can get away with lying to almost anyone but Makoto. Makoto’s gut tells him it’s more than just a fitful night’s sleep, but Haru’s curt tone and the way his shoulders tense up, as if expecting a fight, cause him to falter. The last thing Makoto wants is for Haru to feel threatened when all he wants is for him to be safe and happy.

“Ah, sorry,” Makoto replies sheepishly. “Well, if you say so. Let’s get going, shall we?”

Today, according to Gou's training regimen, they're going to practise diving since they already had plenty of stamina training during their camp.

“I already have all the theories of diving memorised,” Rei declares proudly. “I spent all of yesterday reading every book and article I could find about various diving techniques.”

“Then let’s see it,” Makoto says with his usual smile. “On Gou-chan’s whistle, please.”

Rei slips his cap and goggles on, then climbs up on the platform and positions himself. His form is perfect; he's bending his back and knees at the precise angles they are supposed to be at for optimal takeoff, and his hands are holding the platform with just enough grip to maintain his balance without requiring him to waste too much force trying to let go for the dive. He really did his homework well.

Rei’s diving form is flawless too, perfectly streamlined, and when he hits the water, his dolphin kick is practically a replica of professional swimmers’. There is just one thing off, though…

“Your reaction time is too slow,” Haru comments. His arms are folded and his eyes keen as he studies Rei. 

“Is that so?” Rei exclaims, dismayed. “I've read plenty of books on how to execute the perfect dive, so what else can I do to improve?”

“Turn your whole body into an ear.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Like I said, turn your whole body into an ear to listen for the whistle,” Haru explains.

From the look on Rei’s face, you'd think Haru just revealed superpowers and magic really existed after all. “I'm afraid I still do not understand, Haruka-senpai.”

“Oh, you mean the thing Nao-senpai taught us in middle school?” Makoto hastily cuts in before Haru confuses Rei any more, and Haru nods. “Rei, what Haru is trying to say is that there is a technique that trains your reaction speed, so that the moment the whistle blows you're already moving into the dive instead of just starting to do so.”

“It’s easier to just show you.” Haru grabs a water bottle and removes its cap. “We’re going to play _karuta._ ”

Rei is still eyeing Haru with skepticism, so Makoto gently pushes Rei forward and says, “Trust him, this works. It worked for us in middle school.”

“Okay.” Apprehensively, Rei climbs out of the pool. 

Nagisa bounds over and latches himself to Haru's arm. “Ooh, are we playing a game now, Haru-chan? Can I play?”

“Later,” Haru says. “It’s Rei’s turn first. Rei, sit down like this.”

To demonstrate, Haru lowers himself to the ground and tucks his knees underneath him. His hands are placed on either side of his knees, and his waist is raised just a few inches off the ground. Rei hastily imitates him. Once Rei is in position, Haru places the bottle cap right in the center between the two of them. 

“What do we do now, Haruka-senpai?” Rei asks.

Silence. 

“Um, Haruka-senpai?”

Haru’s stare is trained resolutely on the bottle cap. One might mistake him for simply thinking of his next set of instructions if not for the uncharacteristic vacancy in his expression, almost like he isn't _here_ anymore.

“C’mon, Haru-chan!” Nagisa gives Haru’s shoulder several vigorous shakes.

Haru gasps and blinks, clarity returning to his face. “Wh—”

“Haru-chan keeps spacing out today,” Nagisa chides. “Were you probed by aliens yesterday or something?”

“Of course not,” Haru says, scowling. “I'm fine. Where was I?”

“ _Karuta_ grabbing, remember?” Makoto reminds him gently.

“Oh, right. Rei, it’s simple. When Gou blows the whistle, the first one to knock aside the bottle cap wins.”

Rei pushes his glasses up. “I see. I've read theories about _karuta_ before, though those usually involved cards and not bottle caps. No matter—this should be easy.”

Makoto chooses not to speak up about how ‘easy’ it was against Nao-senpai. Some things are simply better learned through experience.

The moment Gou’s whistle blows, the cap is sent hurtling towards Makoto. Haru’s waist and right hand are raised, while Rei hasn't budged a single inch.

“I win,” Haru says evenly.

“Wh—what was that?” Rei stammers. “That was too fast!”

“So cool! I wanna try too!” Nagisa cheers, unceremoniously shoving Rei aside and planting himself in front of Haru.

Makoto picks up the cap and places it between Haru and Nagisa. They position themselves, their eyes laser-focused on the cap between them.

Gou’s whistle blows, and Haru’s hand effortlessly sweeps aside the cap before Nagisa even gets to lift a finger. But Nagisa’s waist is raised, whereas before Rei couldn't even move. Makoto glances at Haru—his eyes, for a split second, loses its focus. Sudden irritation flashes through the Bond, startling Makoto. 

Nagisa clearly picks up on this, because he pokes Haru’s nose and asks with unusual quietness, “Are you sure you're okay, Haru-chan?”

“I said I'm fine,” Haru replies coolly. “Stop worrying about me and focus on the game.”

After Nagisa’s turn, it’s Rei’s turn again. When Gou blows her whistle, Haru is still the first to react, but it’s clear that he is off his game, if his split-second hesitation before moving is any indicator. The normal Haru never hesitates about anything; he just does what he wants, freely.

Even Rei seems to notice. “Haruka-senpai, your reaction was—”

“I. Am. Fine,” Haru snaps. “You're probably just getting faster.” He gets up to retrieve the cap, but his knees buckle mid-step. Makoto dives and just barely manages to catch him before he collapses. 

“Haru!” Makoto cries out. He presses a hand to Haru’s forehead—it’s hot. Nearly _blistering._ “You have a fever, Haru! Why didn't you say anything earlier?”

“A little fever never killed anyone,” Haru mutters.

“On the contrary, Haruka-senpai,” Rei says, alarmed, “if you don't get enough rest, your temperature can rise to dangerous, _deadly,_ levels. A fever _can_ kill you if you don't take care of it. That's what the medical theory book I was reading the other time said.”

“Haru-chan, you’re really warm!” Nagisa exclaims, wrapping himself around Haru. “You should listen to Rei-chan. Rei-chan is smart and he knows a lot of things so you should—”

Haru huffs, and with an amount of strength that surprises Makoto, he tears himself out of both their holds. Not saying a word, he marches to the pool and dives in before anyone can stop him. He flips himself over onto his back and drifts along the surface. His eyes close, as if he's merely taking a nap and not currently burning up with a fever.

“Haruka-senpai, you're just going to make it worse if you stay in the pool,” Gou implores.

“Nanase-kun,” Amakata-sensei says. She gets up from her lawn chair and squats down beside the pool. A serious Amakata-sensei is a rare sight, and all of Makoto’s protective instincts are screaming for him to pull Haru out of the pool before he gets into trouble. “As your teacher, I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the pool right this instant.”

Not even Haru can ignore a teacher’s authority. He glides over to the poolside and hauls himself out, shaking the water out of his hair. 

Makoto reaches Haru first. Frantically, he brushes Haru’s soaked bangs out of his face and presses the back of his hand to Haru’s forehead—only to find that he’s back to normal temperature. Still not quite believing it, he grabs a towel and dries Haru’s face, then tries again. His skin is neither particularly cool nor warm to touch.

“Are you done playing nurse, Makoto?” Haru asks through gritted teeth.

“You—you’re fine!”

“Of course I am. That's what I've been saying the whole day.”

“No way,” Rei says. “Makoto-senpai, wasn't Haruka-senpai burning up just moments ago?”

Makoto blinks. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure, though it could have also been my imagination…” He trails off and eyes the pool over Haru’s shoulder. 

“Maybe the water really _does_ heal Haru-chan,” Nagisa jokes. “Just toss him into a pool and everything will be a-okay again!”

“Please don't suggest such ridiculous things, Nagisa-kun,” Rei scoffs. “That is scientifically impossible.”

Makoto breathes a sigh of relief. From the momentary alarm from Haru’s end of the Bond, Makoto is sure that Haru was about to snap at Nagisa, and Makoto himself was prepared to warn Nagisa or cover up for him—but then he realises what Nagisa was _really_ doing. By suggesting the most ridiculous answer, which just so happens to be the truth, Nagisa was actually _diverting_ Rei’s attention from it because he knew Rei wouldn’t take the illogical things he said seriously. Makoto has to admire just how cunning Nagisa is under his blithe and airheaded exterior.

“Or it could be the care everyone had for Nanase-kun that aided his miraculous recovery,” Amakata-sensei says, raising a finger. “As Hubert H. Humphrey once said, _‘The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love’_.”

Normally, Makoto takes Amakata-sensei’s ‘famous sayings’ with a fistful of salt, but this one gives him pause. For the past five years—or their whole lives, really—Makoto has happily given Haru his friendship and love. Yet, he can tell that somewhere, somehow, there is a ghost clinging to Haru, lingering in every corner he turns and hiding in his shadow everywhere he goes. It’s been haunting him for the past five years, and today—with Haru’s listlessness and spacing out and short temper—it’s becoming bolder, more aggressive.

And Makoto wonders if friendship and love is really enough to heal Haru of whatever it is that's haunting him.

* * *

As always, Makoto and Haru take their usual route home after practice. Makoto does his best to keep up the small talk about homework, but after a while it becomes difficult to find novel things to talk about, seeing as he and Haru spend pretty much the entirety of every day together. He knows they don't _need_ to talk to feel comfortable around each other; in fact, Haru is as comfortable in silence as he is in water. And Makoto is usually okay with their brand of comfortable silences, but today’s silences have been anything but comfortable.

He watches Haru carefully. The hollow vacancy has dug its roots deep in Haru’s expression, like his mind is in another plane of existence. The only times when Haru gets like this is when he is _not_ fine at all—like that time four years ago when Haru’s grandmother went away for a couple of weeks and the only thing he ate was mackerel and rice and he ignored the food that Makoto brought over for him, or the time Haru quit the swim club in the spring of their first year of middle school. In fact, last year around this time, Haru was acting strangely too. Makoto doesn't remember what happened the years before that, but a part of him is starting to realise a pattern.

Makoto pauses in the middle of the road. Haru takes three steps forward before halting, too.

“Haru, are you sure you're okay?” Makoto asks. “You seemed distracted during practice. And recklessly diving into the pool to heal yourself when Rei and Ama-chan-sensei were there—”

“I'm fine,” Haru says brusquely, not turning to face Makoto. “This has to be the hundredth time you've asked this already.”

Makoto opens his mouth but hesitates. Normally, when Haru says he's fine, Makoto accepts it and drops the subject. 

But Haru’s behaviour earlier, and combined with the haunted hollowness of his face and the dark circles under his eyes… Makoto knows what Haru is like after not getting a good night’s sleep, and this is worse than that. “Are you _really_ sure? Have you been eating well? Did Rin say something that bothered you? Or—” 

The image of a stranger standing at Haru’s front door flits through Makoto’s mind. When he went upstairs and glanced out of the window last evening, he thought he saw a stranger in front of Haru’s house. The stranger’s back was facing his window, so he couldn't tell who they were, but if their appearance had anything to do with Haru’s strange behaviour…

“Or is it because of the stranger who showed up at your place yesterday—”

“I already told you I'm fine, didn't I? Just drop it, Makoto. I don't want to talk about it anymore.”

Makoto opens his mouth again to protest—because Haru is clearly not fine and he must be an idiot if he thinks he can fool Makoto—but once more he decides against it.

The rest of the walk home is quiet and tense. The window to Haru’s mind that Makoto thought was always open to him is now blocked by another curtain, and Haru isn't even allowing him to reach out to push the curtain aside. It stings, knowing there is something Haru is actively hiding from him. However, Makoto knows that Haru is still entitled to his privacy, regardless of their long-running friendship and Bond, and he wants to respect that. 

When he bids Haru a goodbye at the diverging pathways of the stone staircase and Haru just curtly nods, Makoto tries not to feel too hurt. Haru is just in a bad mood—it’ll pass sooner or later. Makoto repeats this to himself as he opens the door and is greeted rather enthusiastically by Ran and Ren.

“Onii-chan, you look sad,” Ran, blunt as ever, points out. Makoto has to wonder if she's taking after Haru.

“Did you and Haru-chan fight?” Ren asks.

“Hm? Oh no, not really,” Makoto says, quickly forcing a smile. Somehow, in all seventeen years of their friendship, they have never had a real fight. He supposes it’s because of his accommodating nature, Haru’s “I don't care unless it’s about swimming or mackerel” attitude, and both of their non-confrontational tendencies. Things smooth out pretty quickly after a small disagreement like the one they had earlier, so he has nothing to worry about. He bends down, picks up one twin in each arm and carries them upstairs to their room, just the way they like it after he returns from school. “Haru just had a bad day. He didn't sleep well last night, according to him.”

“That's bad,” Ran scolds. Makoto isn't sure why she is scolding _him_ , like he had any control over how Haru slept at night _._ “We should invite Haru-chan for a sleepover and make sure he sleeps well tonight!”

“Then I want to sleep with Haru-chan,” Ren declares.

“No, me!”

“No, me! Ran slept with Haru-chan the last time he came over so now it’s my turn!”

“That's enough, the two of you,” Makoto chides. “Haru’s probably tired, so we shouldn't bother him tonight. But the both of you can sleep with Haru the next time he comes over, okay? I’ll roll out three futons and you guys can sleep on either side of him, alright?”

(Truthfully, Makoto would rather have Haru all to himself at night, but that's something the twins are too young to understand yet.)

“Tch, I don't want to share Haru-chan with Ren ‘cause Ren farts in his sleep,” Ran complains.

“Do not!” Ren protests. 

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Okay, that is enough,” Makoto says, switching on his authoritative big-brother voice. “Don't you two have homework to do? Do that first, then we’ll talk about having Haru over.”

“Fiiiiine,” the twins chorus in unison. Makoto puts them back down on the ground, and they race each other back to their room.

Finally, peace and quiet. Makoto trudges into his room, drops his bag on the floor, and sinks into his bed. He really ought to work on his math homework—he has been putting it off because of how tired he was after returning from the training camp, and it’s due tomorrow—but after spending the whole day fussing over Haru, he can't muster the energy to get up and solve fifteen calculus questions.

_Be a good student, Makoto._

And like the good, diligent student he is, he remains stuck to his bed like someone coated his covers with the world’s stickiest honey.

 _It’s only fifteen questions,_ he tells himself. _And differentiation isn't THAT hard. Okay, maybe it is, but you'll get the hang of it with practice. But in order to get the hang of it, you need to get up right now and do it—_

The doorbell rings, effectively saving Makoto from having to psyche himself up to face calculus. He leaps off the bed and hurries out to the hallway (where he has to hastily usher the curious twins back into their room and convince them that yes, Onii-chan can open the door and greet whoever is there without an escort).

He flings the door open and comes face-to-face with Haru and _his_ escort—a pan of chocolate cake.

“Hey, Haru.”

“For you,” Haru says by way of greeting. He holds up the cake like an offering. “It’s your favourite, isn't it?”

“Not that I'm complaining, but what's the occasion?” Makoto asks, puzzled. It’s not his birthday for another five months, and the twins just had their birthday.

Haru clicks his tongue, and annoyance filters through the blue Bond. “I baked it for you, but if you don't want it—”

And that's when it hits Makoto—this is Haru’s way of apologising for his earlier outburst. Makoto smiles and takes the proffered pan. It’s cool now, thankfully. He lowers his nose to it, inhales, and a rich and heavenly sweetness fills his nose. “It’s lovely. Thanks, Haru. Here,” he adds, shifting to the side, “why don't you come in? I’ll grab some plates and forks and we can share it in my room.”

“But it’s for _you._ ”

Makoto ruffles Haru’s hair, affection threatening to make his heart burst. “I want to share the things I like with Haru-chan.”

Haru glances away. The tips of his ears are red. “I told you to drop the ‘chan’ already.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Makoto retrieves a knife, two plates and two forks from the kitchen and heads up to his bedroom, where he finds Ran and Ren climbing all over Haru.

“Ran, Ren, I thought you two were supposed to be doing your homework?” Makoto scolds. He sets the cake, cutlery and utensils on his desk before plucking Ran off Haru. Ren continues clinging to him like it has been eons since they last saw each other (the last time Haru came over was two weeks ago).

“But Haru-chan is here and now I can sleep with Haru-chan!” Ran exclaims. She tries tugging herself out of Makoto’s hold to reach for Haru, but Makoto keeps a firm grip around her.

“No, me!” Ren whines. “Haru-chan, you'll sleep with me, right?”

“Haru-chan promised _me_ , Ren, not you! Anyway, Ren farts in his sleep so I'm sure Haru-chan doesn't want to sleep with you, _ngeh!_ ”

“I don't fart in my sleep! And _I_ want to—”

“I’ll sleep with the both of you,” Haru announces. “And I don't mind people who fart in their sleep.”

“Haru, you give in to them too easily,” Makoto says with a sigh. “You don't have to.”

“It’s not like I have anything else better to do tonight.”

Ran lets out a cheer. “Yay! Now let’s play _Underwater Adventurers_ —”

“Homework first,” Makoto instructs, feeling distinctly like a hypocrite. When faced with whines of protest, he adds, “Haru only sleeps with people who do their homework, so if you want to sleep with him—”

“Okay!”

At once, the twins are scampering back to their room, finally leaving Makoto alone with Haru.

“If that's true then I definitely won't be sleeping with you,” Haru says haughtily. 

“Oh, shut up, like you're any better.”

Makoto tries cutting the cake into equal slices, which results in misshapen lumps and more stray crumbs flying left and right than actual discernible slices. Sighing, Haru snatches the knife and starts cutting the cake. In no time, eight beautiful slices are formed, even with the crumbs made by Makoto’s clumsier hand littering the sides of the pan.

“Thanks, Haru,” Makoto says, sheepish. He cuts a small piece of his cake and lifts it to Haru’s mouth. “Say ‘ah’.”

“I have my own slice.” Haru lets Makoto feed him, though.

Makoto picks up another piece with his fork and puts it to his mouth, and a rather childish laugh escapes him. “Indirect kiss, Haru.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “Who are you, Nagisa?” But the fondness flowing like a gentle river current from the blue Bond is unmistakable.

“That reminds me of the barbecue parties we used to have at the SC. Remember Nagisa would go around trying to feed people and call it an indirect kiss? And Rin would go on about how cute indirect kisses were, and Zaki-chan would tease him about how much of a hopeless romantic he was?”

Haru’s expression falls just a little. Anyone else would have missed it, but Makoto—armed with the Bond and a lifetime of knowing Haru—doesn’t. He sighs. After Haru came back from wherever Rin took him to on the island, he’s become even more guarded every time Rin is brought up. To put it simply, Makoto doesn't like it. He doesn't like it when there is tension between his friends, and he likes it even less when such tension causes Haru to look like he's forced to watch everyone he loves walk away from him, one by one.

_What did Rin say to you?_

_What happened between you and Rin, and why is it making you look so sad?_

_What is it that you aren't telling me, Haru?_

“You wanna play _Underwater Fighters?_ ” Makoto asks, gesturing to his old console system. 

Haru eyes him warily over his chocolate cake. “As long as you don't _cheat_ again.”

“I didn't cheat! It’s not my fault you left your side unguarded.”

“You had been secretly levelling up while I wasn't around so you could one-hit KO half my team, haven't you?”

Makoto grins at the sight of Haru’s offended scowl. “So I'm just playing in my spare time—what's the big deal?” 

“Cheater,” Haru accuses. “You're taking advantage of the fact that you own the console and I don't.”

“And who's the one always saying _‘I don't care about winning and losing’_?” Makoto teases.

Haru glares at him before glancing away. “It's different. That's about swimming. But that doesn't change the fact that you cheat.”

“Strategic playing.”

“Cheating.”

“We agree to disagree.” Makoto leans closer and kisses Haru’s cheek. 

Haru's glare softens, just a tiny bit, but Makoto knows he would sooner let Nagisa rope him into another one of his bizarre shenanigans than admit it. “Don't think that acting cute and kissing me will get me to go any easier on you.”

“I don't need you to go easier on me for me to beat you, Haru,” Makoto says, a cocky sense of competitiveness that only gaming can elicit coursing through his end of the Bond. 

Spoiler alert: Makoto does end up beating Haru again. To Haru’s credit, his team did put up a tougher fight than the last time they played and managed to take out half of Makoto’s team.

“Good game, Haru,” Makoto says, holding his hand out for a handshake.

Haru glares at Makoto’s outstretched hand like it has done him a personal grievance before reluctantly taking it. “You cheated, didn't you?”

“Okay, maybe a little. But even without it, I would still have beaten you.”

“No, you wouldn't.”

“Yes, I would.”

“Whatever,” Haru mutters. “I'm not playing _Underwater Fighters_ with you again.”

Makoto doesn't worry about that. Haru always says that, but he plays it again the next time he comes over.

Just then, the twins—with no sense of privacy whatsoever—come barging into the room, dragging several futons and their blankets behind them.

“Ren and I have finished our homework, so it’s sleepover time!” Ran announces. She lugs her futon over to Haru and peers expectantly up at him. 

Obediently, Haru helps her roll out her futon and arrange her blanket on it.

“No fair, I want Haru-chan to help me too,” Ren complains.

Makoto chuckles. He grabs Ren’s futon and drags it over to the space beside Ran’s. Haru retrieves a third one from the storage room down the hallway and shoves it between Ren’s futon and Makoto’s bed. There is only enough space for these three futons, so they have to make do with what they have.

“You know,” Makoto murmurs into Haru’s ear when the twins are too busy fighting over which futon is whose to notice, “I kinda wanna sleep with you, too.”

Haru sighs. “The three of you are absolutely ridiculous.”

In the end, Haru ends up on the center futon with Ran asleep on his chest, Ren curled up on his left and Makoto on his right. Makoto’s drapes his arm over Ran to make sure she doesn't fall off Haru’s chest in the middle of the night, and Haru’s head rests against Makoto’s shoulder.

With the warmth pressed against his side, the slow hum of the ceiling fan whirring above him, and Haru’s gentle breathing just under his ear, Makoto sinks into a deep sleep.

* * *

The scene at the prefectural tournament is just as Haru remembers: teams doing stretches among other last minute preparations in the foyer; the cacophony of splashing water as participants swim warm-up laps in the pool; spectators milling about the stands, tying banners and practising cheers. It has been nearly four years since he and Makoto last participated in a competition. Nostalgia flits through the Bond—probably Makoto’s, if his wide smile and starry eyes are anything to go by. 

All Haru feels is apprehension. For some reason, even though butterfly is Rin’s specialty stroke, he has only signed up for the 100-meter freestyle race—the same one that Haru is in. There is no way this is a coincidence, because he knows Rin too well and vice versa. He still remembers Rin’s vow to crush Haru and to make Haru cut him off.

 _What an idiot,_ Haru thinks to himself, tuning out the others’ discussion about today’s programme. _If he wants me to cut him off, he should just do it himself. What a pain._

He remembers when Gou was showing them the photos she had taken of them at the training camp, the photograph of Rin that Haru picked up was ripped out of his hand by a random gust of wind, and all he could do was watch as it spiraled away into the distance. If Haru’s late grandmother were still alive, she’d have a field day with the symbolism of whatever that was supposed to mean.

“Today’s programme will start with the freestylerace,” Gou announces, capturing Haru’s attention. “Haruka-senpai is in the fourth heat.”

“Ooh, really?” Nagisa leans over Gou’s shoulder to get a better look at the programme booklet. “Oh, Rin-chan’s lane is just beside Haru-chan’s lane.”

Haru doesn't know if that is supposed to be a good or bad thing, but his stomach flips over. For some reason, a sense of finality only he can feel hangs thick and heavy in the air, like this is all-or-nothing, do-or-die. He blames Rin and his dramatic tendencies. This is just a swim meet. He doesn't know what Rin knows, and he tells himself that he doesn't care. Rin just has a penchant for over-dramatising things, something that even Australia doesn't seem to have taken away from him, and this is just another one of those things.

“The heats were determined based on qualifying times, right?” Makoto asks, and Gou nods.

“That means Haru-chan and Rin-chan are evenly matched,” Nagisa says in a hushed voice.

This just makes Haru feel even worse. The fact that Rin is able to match him doesn't surprise him—Rin has always been able to keep up with Haru in the water ever since elementary school, and his training in Australia has only made him stronger—but this is more than just a race between two old rivals. Rin is putting something big on their line, and Haru has to do everything he can to stop it from being destroyed. 

Haru spots the Samezuka team walking along the poolside, though Rin is nowhere to be found. But the red Bond is active and glowing in his mind—he’s nearby, at least. Haru can feel the cold, steely determination in thick waves through the Bond. 

If Rin is determined, then Haru has to focus, too.

He doesn't say a word to Makoto or the others. He picks up his cap and goggles, turns around and heads downstairs.

It doesn't take him long to find Rin; all he has to do is follow the Bond in the direction it’s tugging his gut in. Rin is seated on a bench, his head down, but upon hearing Haru’s footsteps echoing down the hallway he immediately gets up to face him.

“I'm here, just like I promised,” Haru says. 

“Of course. I kept my qualifying time low so I’d be in the same heat as you,” Rin scoffs, smirking. But Haru can tell that the swagger is forced—the resigned sadness underneath it is quiet, yet still present. Haru doesn't even know why Rin tries to hide his feelings and pretend to be something he isn't when everything he feels is an open book to Haru. 

“There's no need for that. We would still meet in the finals even if we weren't in the same heat.”

“I don't have the patience to wait that long. Besides,” Rin adds, placing his goggles around his head and snapping the strap, “there is no guarantee that you'll make it to the finals.”

The thing is, Haru doesn't care about wins or losses or timings. But what he doesn't like is when someone tells him he's something he isn't or that he can't do something when he knows perfectly well that he can. A fire ignites in his chest and burns fiercely, which he keeps tempered and quiet. It’ll have its chance to shine later.

“No one else matters,” Rin continues. For a moment, the old Rin resurfaces, shown in the glimmer of competitive hunger in his eyes. He must be feeling that fire, too. “This is between you and me, Haru. I look forward to it.”

And just like that, he's gone, and all that Haru is left with is a feeling that once more, Rin is talking about something bigger and more important than some high school tournament.

* * *

Three whistles are blown. In unison, Haru and Rin get up on the starting blocks. When the command is given, Haru bends down and grips the platform, just tight enough for balance. 

Support pours abundantly from the green and yellow Bonds. Not even a shadow of doubt flickers through them. Even though they are up in the stands, a piece of Makoto and Nagisa still stays with him. The thought gives him focus. 

Haru glances to his right. All that he feels from the red one is grim determination. Well, it’s the same for him too. 

He takes a deep breath, and on the exhale, all he trains his eyes on is the clear blue water before him. 

“Go!”

And Haru lets the fire he had tamed earlier _burn._

He dives into the water, and it accepts him readily as it always does. They're not becoming one entity or anything like that—they are two independent bodies with their own purposes, and the water is letting Haru in so he can fulfill his purpose. Usually, he swims because he simply wants to, but not today. Today, he is swimming for Rin—or, more accurately, he's swimming because he wants to be free from Rin's confusing dramatics and the disastrous race four years ago.

They keep pace with each other, head and shoulders ahead of the rest of the competition—up until the point where they're approaching the turn. A burst of power emanates from the red Bond, and Rin pulls ahead. He reaches the turn first, flips over and kicks off the wall.

_You’ll have to try harder if you want to get rid of me, Rin._

In a single smooth movement, Haru turns over, kicks off the wall and pours more strength into his strokes and kicks. Just as it was threatening to widen, the gap between them closes. Head, neck and shoulders aligned, they tear through the water, almost like they're working in tandem as two cogs in the same machine.

The wall is _right_ there in front of Haru, and Rin is _right_ there beside him. Haru stretches his hand out—and the wall comes rushing to meet his hand. Haru shifts himself upright, panting hard, and glances instinctively up at the board.

_Number 1: Matsuoka Rin._

_Number 2: Nanase Haruka._

He lost. And Rin won.

This isn't the first time he's lost to Rin. Back at the SC, Rin challenged Haru to informal races all the time, and Haru lost about as many as he won.

But this time, it’s different. They're not kids at the SC competing, where the only thing on the line is their own pride and nothing more. This—this is something bigger and more serious than ego.

He doesn't need to look at Rin to know how happy he is. For one, the jubilation pounding through the Bond is more than enough of an indicator; and for two, the mini celebration Rin is throwing on his own is attracting the stares of everyone else in the pool. Samezuka’s cheers of “Way to go, Matsuoka!” overlap with Rin’s victorious yelling. 

Rin clambers out of the pool, and his shadow looms over Haru. He looks up, meeting Rin’s bared-tooth smirk and his hands on his hips, like he's trying to make himself appear bigger. He doesn't need to, really—the smug sense of victory pumping through the red Bond is loud enough. There might be an undercurrent of another emotion hidden beneath him, but Haru, so wrapped up in his hollow shock, doesn't catch it.

“Haru!” Rin declares. He stares down at Haru, like this is how things should be. “I win. This means that I’ll never swim with you again. _Ever._ "

Haru should have known this. He should have predicted that this would be what things led to if he didn't manage to keep up with Rin. He should have known this, and yet—

—right in the center, where blue seeps into red, the Bond splinters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/). thanks for reading!


	7. help me hold on to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that is when it hits him: they are swimming for the team, for no other reason other than that they love swimming and they love the team, and that love is what pushes them to pour all of themselves into their races.
> 
> Haru doesn't know if that was the way he swam during his race against Rin. He doesn't know if he’s capable of pouring himself like that into swimming.
> 
> Hell, he doesn't even know why he swims.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from ['The Archer' by Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KpKc3C9V3w).

_Why?_ Rin wants to scream. His fist crashes against the locker, an outlet for his frustration. _Why isn't it broken?_

Though a little more muted than before, he can still feel Haru’s emotions flickering through the Bond. In the center where red and blue mingle, the Bond is frayed, hanging on by several dangerously thin frays. Yet, by some contrived fluke or grave error on his part, it is still stubbornly intact.

_Why did it not work?_

Rin was _so_ sure that defeating Haru would get Haru to hate him. Yeah sure, Haru doesn't give a shit about wins or losses or timings et cetera, but doesn't he have at least a shred of pride? Rin was absolutely, one hundred percent sure of that when he crafted the plan that Haru prided himself on being the best in the water, so _surely_ a loss against Rin would have damaged that pride?

Through the frayed blue-red threads of the Bond that still wilfully hang on to each other, Haru’s pain and confusion ring loud and clear. Rin’s heart wrenches.

_So not only did I fail to destroy the Bond and save Haru, I hurt him._

He sighs. Wallowing in his frustration and guilt won't do anything. In fact, that might give him away to Haru if Haru can still feel his emotions the way Rin feels his. In any case, he has to re-strategise. Perhaps he needs to have another correspondence with the old man. 

He tugs his Samezuka jacket on and slams the locker shut. The team should still be in the stands since the other events are still going on, so the team bus should be nice and quiet. 

He strides out to the hallway leading to the foyer, only for the green and yellow Bonds to light up in that telltale way, indicating that Makoto and Nagisa are nearby. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, but unfortunately there's no other way to the foyer unless he wants to go around the entire perimeter of the building. 

(Secretly, he's glad for the Bond’s warning. Contrary to what he has insistently reminded Nitori, he does _not_ take surprise appearances around corners well—that is one thing the Bond is good for, if anything.)

“Aren't you worried about Haruka-senpai?”

That voice is vaguely familiar; Rin might have heard it at that joint practice, though he hadn't been paying too much attention to the Iwatobi team save for Haru.

He rounds the corner where he comes face to face with Nagisa, Makoto and some bespectacled kid, and he tries not to wince. The sudden brightening of the green and yellow Bonds hurts his head.

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa exclaims upon spotting him.

Rin knew they were approaching, but he feigns surprise for appearance's sake. “Oh, it’s you guys. You lot must have signed up for the tournament too, huh?”

Belatedly, he realises this is the first time he has spoken to Nagisa and Makoto for real ever since he returned to Japan. With a small pang of guilt, he also realises each time he saw them previously, he ignored them in favour of getting to the point with Haru but he hastily suppresses it before either of them notice. He knows full well that cutting Haru off also, by extension, means cutting those two off—and as much as it pained him to come up with this plan, he knows that as long as they remain involved with Haru, he has to cut them off too.

Nagisa flat-out ignores his question. “Rin-chan, have you seen Haru-chan? He hasn't returned yet and we’re worried about him.”

Rin’s widen. As if waiting for Nagisa’s cue, another wave of unrelenting sadness floods the blue end of the Bond. 

_Have I seen Haru? Well, I've certainly felt his terrible, angsting heartache through the tattered remnants of the Bond so does that count?_ he remarks sarcastically to himself.

“Did it really shock him that much to lose to me?” he scoffs, averting his gaze from Nagisa’s innocent, imploring look. “How ironic. Winning, losing and timings—wasn’t he the one who said he didn't care about all that?”

The nerd in glasses cups his chin, as if in deep thought. “If it’s not winning or losing, then there must be another reason why…”

The thing is, Rin doesn't know who this nerd is, how much he knows, or if he even knows at all—but his instincts screaming at him to _protect the secret_ causes him to lash out. “What's more important than winning when it comes to competitions? Who the fuck are you, anyway? Stay out of this.”

“That's Rei-chan, and he's an important member of our team,” Nagisa says, almost sounding like _he_ of all people is scolding Rin.

In other words, he's Rin’s replacement. Rin snorts derisively. Well, at least they have someone to fill the gap when he eventually manages to cut all of them off.

“Rin,” Makoto speaks. He fixes Rin with a severe look that sends unpleasant shivers racing down Rin’s spine. For someone who is a veritable oversized teddy bear and terrified of bugs barely a fraction of his size, Makoto can be intimidating as hell—it's a sharp reminder that despite his soft heart and trademark kind smile, he is over six feet tall and loaded with at least one and a half times of Rin’s muscle mass even without the superstrength. “There's more to it than that. At the very least, it means something else entirely to Haru. Surely you know what it is, Rin? You were there with us. Why else would Haru decide to compete with you? He wants to protect it. And it must mean something to you, too. So why, Rin? Why would you want to—”

“That's enough, Makoto!” Panic threatens to choke Rin up. Of course, _of course_ Makoto and Nagisa would have noticed the small but nonetheless hard-to-miss rips in the blue-red Bond. Obviously they would ask questions—how did he not realise this?

Honed from his experiences in Australia, Rin’s autopilot kicks in during times of crisis. He spears Makoto with a glare, hoping it would somehow transmit exactly what he thinks about Makoto very nearly spilling their secret in front of someone who isn't part of their Bond. Makoto’s eyes flicker briefly over to the glasses nerd—who looks more confused than anything else—but his stance is unbudged.

“Why, Rin?” Makoto presses on, and Rin curses his steadfast stubbornness cultivated from a lifetime of dealing with Haru. “Why—”

“You don't know what I know, so stay the hell out of this, Makoto, Nagisa,” Rin growls. “Anyway, all that matters is that I've defeated Haru. Why don't you run along and kiss away the bruises on his ego or whatever the fuck it is you do to coddle him, Makoto?”

Not waiting for a response, Rin shoves past the three of them, leaving all the Bonds tinged with red strained at the core.

* * *

Very rarely does the water make Haru feel worse than he did prior to entering it. The first time it happened, it was around the time Rin was trying to recruit him into the medley relay team, and Haru was struggling with what it meant to swim in a team, _for_ a team. The second time, it was during the medley relay practice in his first year of middle school where all he could think about was Rin in Australia, Rin leaving him and the memories of the sight they saw together like it didn't mean anything to him and swimming on a relay team that didn't have Rin doing the butterfly leg before him.

And now, Haru feels like absolute death has its talons on his soul, because it's pretty evident that Rin hates the fucking life out of him. He realises that Rin tends to be the precursor to Haru feeling like a fish out of water when _in_ the water, ironically enough.

_When the hell did Rin start affecting me so badly?_

Every breath Haru desperately sucks in to try and regain control just makes him feel like he's drowning even deeper and deeper. Pathetic. He isn't even _in_ water; water is just pouring down on him from the shower above.

A feeble flicker of tattered red-blue flashes through his mind. Haru can barely string together a coherent thought without the image of Rin smirking down at him interrupting him, so he goes on autopilot. He fumbles for every single Bond in his mind, desperately aching for some sort of reassurance. Green-blue? Check and secure. Yellow-blue? Check and still glowing brightly. Red-blue? Strained, fraying at the center where the two colours clash, and just barely holding on for dear life.

Haru chokes up again.

_He hates me. He hates me and he's never going to swim with me again._

If Rin is never going to swim with Haru again, then what's the point? 

Haru slaps himself, once, twice, like that would chase all the echoes of _Rin hates me_ out of him. 

_Right now, I swim because I want to, not for Rin or anyone else,_ he reminds himself. The words ring hollow, like he’s shouting into the dark, endless void of an empty well. 

But even then, just _trying_ to imagine what swimming will be like without Rin in the picture pains Haru so much, he feels like he's about to be torn apart from the inside. Any image he futilely tries to conjure up ends up in a slate of _nothingness._ It’s like trying to invent a colour that doesn't exist. He just _can't._

Pain flares up across Haru’s skin. He glances down from the dull tiled walls of the shower—and to his horror, scales start to emerge on his skin. His legs shake as the bones, muscles and tendons inside try to force themselves into the structure of a mermaid tail. 

_Not now, not fucking now!_

Panicked, Haru desperately grasps at any last vestiges of control he has. Thankfully, he manages to just barely stop his legs from forming a tail but the scales remain stubbornly on his arms, determined to brand themselves into his body. 

He touches the rest of himself carefully. The skin on his face and neck are still soft and human-like, fortunately. Only the skin on his arms and lower torso have been replaced by scales. He sucks in a deep breath, then channels all his energy into forcing the scales to recede back under the surface, but they remain like guests overstaying their welcome at a party, except he never invited these guests in the first place and now they're putting him through immense torture and by _god_ he just wants the pain to be _gone._

Well, there isn't any point staying in the water since it's the one thing that is activating his power (other than his emotions, he guesses), and it isn't healing him of his pain the way it usually does. Sighing, he closes the tap, dries off and slips his team jacket on. He makes sure to zip it just high enough to cover the scales.

Still lost in a haze of pain, Haru stumbles out of the showers and onto the first bench he finds in the corridor leading to the pool. For what feels like the most agonising eternity he has ever had to endure, he just sits there and contemplates his chances of being okay again. If Rei were here, he could do all the calculations for Haru with his theories. 

He wonders about many things as his vacant eyes distantly register the outlines of other people walking past him. He wonders if the Bond with Rin will forever remain tethering on the edge of snapping—if it will _really_ snap one day… if one day _all_ of his Bonds with Makoto, Nagisa and Rin will be gone. If that were to happen, would it be the worst pain he would ever experience, worse than what he's currently feeling right now? He has heard it is possible, very possible, to die of a broken heart. Perhaps Rei could explain the science behind it—the rupturing of blood vessels or whatever. Would that pain be worse than death, or would he get used to it? Somehow, the second thought horrifies him even more.

Sighing, Haru slumps down lower in his seat. Beyond the pain, beyond wanting to _escape_ from the pain, he just wants to understand.

_Why is Rin even trying to break the Bond? Does he hate me that much after I beat him four years ago that he doesn't even want me in his head anymore?_

That would make sense, Haru reasons. To Rin, pride and victories and losses make up the very foundation of his world, and it was by Haru’s hand that foundation was shaken, crumbled and destroyed.

 _Rin wants to be an Olympic swimmer—that's why he swims,_ Haru remembers, his heart twisting painfully. _Then what about me? Do I swim because I was engineered to be a weapon? Is that all I’ll ever be—never truly free and just hurting everyone around me?_

Rin isn't the only one he has hurt, Haru realises as he thinks back to the small handful of friends he has gained and lost over the years. He and Ikuya made a promise—and under a shooting star, no less—to swim together, but he destroyed it because he had hurt Rin and consequently given up on competitive swimming. It seems like everything is connected in one long, ugly chain of pain. 

Even before that, he hurt Asahi; his swimming was what caused Asahi to choke up and forget how to swim freestyle. He can't forget how he hurt Nagisa, Rei and Makoto, too—by asking Nagisa to adopt the dog lingering around Haru's home to replace his old dog, he insulted Nagisa’s memory of his beloved companion. Haru hurt Rei with his furious accusations after the drowning incident, mostly because he needed an outlet for his anger and Rei was the most convenient option. 

And Makoto… he's hurt Makoto so much over the years, he doesn't know if he can name them all. Like that time last year when he forced Makoto to confront the ocean to save him from his grief. Or the training camp on the deserted islands that he could have and _should_ have called off but didn't because he was an idiot who clearly didn't care about Makoto enough to try harder to save him from having to face the ocean. _Or_ the day after GREAT dropped by to say hello and he couldn't honestly tell Makoto what had happened over the weekend (he _literally_ couldn't because there's something keeping a metaphorical gag in his mouth, though, but that is a can of worms he can't even _think_ of opening or that would hurt Makoto even worse).

He has met most of these friends only because of swimming—because _he_ swam. And he hurt them. Why does he swim, if all he does is hurt the people he becomes involved with through the water?

Just as he can feel himself about to sink deeper into the never-ending cesspool of self-loathing and despair, the yellow Bond lights up. Haru senses Nagisa’s presence like an anchor tossed into choppy seas before hearing him.

“Haru-chan! There you are!”

Nagisa dashes to Haru’s side, panting like he sprinted all the way here from the stands. “Mako-chan’s race is about to start. Let’s go!”

_If all I'm capable of doing is hurting my friends, then I don't deserve to be around them._

“It’s okay,” Haru mutters.

But even after all these years, Haru still somehow manages to underestimate Nagisa’s persistence. “It’s _not_ okay! Haru-chan _has_ to be there for Mako-chan, so let’s go already!”

Then, with more strength than his much smaller body should contain (he doesn't even _have_ superstrength—that's Haru and Makoto’s forte, what the hell?), Nagisa yanks Haru to his feet. Not even allowing Haru the chance to argue, he drags Haru all the way to the stands. 

The late morning sunlight hits Haru right in the face. He winces at the sudden brightness, but any discomfort vanishes the moment he spots Makoto in the pool, true to Nagisa’s words. 

Makoto’s strokes are as fierce and dynamic as what Haru imagines a hurricane is like. While he doesn't have Haru’s natural grace or Nagisa’s arms that seem to elongate during the last bit of a race or Rin’s raw hungerto win, the fact that he goes all out with each stroke and kick is what makes him a force to be reckoned in the water. And he is breathtaking in his own right.

To the side, Amakata-sensei, Gou, Rei and Coach Sasabe are cheering Makoto on. Their voices are small compared to the much bigger powerhouse teams like Samezuka, but Haru just _knows_ their passion is reaching Makoto in the pool, Bond or no Bond.

Haru watches, entranced, as Makoto pours all of his strength and heart into each stroke, tearing through the pool. Despite all that, he ends up placing second, just a few milliseconds shy of first place. Makoto glances up at the board, and his expression falters. 

Nevertheless, he seems to brush the loss off quickly. He hauls himself out of the pool, looks around as if searching for something, before tilting his head upwards to meet Haru’s stunned gaze. Warmth floods through Haru’s face. It’s too much for him to handle, so he hastily glances away. 

(Even so, the affection seeping through the green Bond is loud and clear, like the sweetest lilting of a love song. If Haru closes his eyes, he can picture Makoto right by his side, his hand—just fractionally larger and leagues warmer than Haru’s—fitting snugly in his.)

Haru remains rooted in the exact spot all throughout Nagisa and Rei’s respective races as well. Nagisa, distinctly smaller than at least half his competition, puts up a fight so fierce he grows to be about as big as Makoto in Haru’s eyes. Even though he doesn't win his race either, the fact that his arms still stretched out an unnatural length during the last fifteen meters is proof enough that he is still the same Nagisa; that unlike Rin, he has not made any sudden declarations to destroy the Bond or stop swimming with Haru.

And Rei—he pushes on, making the water bend to his will, despite his goggles slipping off and causing him to fall to last place. If anything, his tenacity should have earned him first place, Haru thinks.

Haru notices another thing about Nagisa and Rei—after their respective races, the first thing they do is look up at the team, and smile (and wave joyously, in Nagisa’s case). They aren't bitter and brooding over their loss, or downtrodden and disheartened. 

And that is when it hits him: they are swimming for the team, for no other reason other than that they love swimming and they love the team, and that love is what pushes them to pour all of themselves into their races.

Haru doesn't know if that was the way he swam during his race against Rin. He doesn't know if he’s capable of pouring himself like that into swimming.

Hell, he doesn't even know why he swims.

* * *

It's rare for Haru to traverse this old beaten road alone, even at night. Every time he returns home, it’s pretty much always with Makoto by his side, who either makes small idle talk or remains quiet, simply enjoying the silence found in comfortable companionship. Normally, Haru wouldn't mind the solitariness of just him, the road, the beach beside the road and the moon keeping watch over him.

Tonight, however, it feels like a hand clenching around his throat. Its razor-sharp nails dig into his skin, not drawing blood just yet but threatening to. He wants Makoto’s familiar warmth by his side and his soft, sweet voice talking to him about everything and nothing at once. But at the same time, he _doesn't_ want Makoto with him, because he knows that he will inevitably find some way to hurt Makoto once again. 

As Haru is climbing up the stairs, too miserable to even pet the neighbourhood cat, he notices that the lights in his house are switched on. The bright yellowish light carves a sharp outline against the darkness of nighttime. That's… odd. Normally, he remembers to switch off the lights before leaving—and besides that, he doesn't use _this_ many lights when at home, anyway.

Well, if it’s burglars then they are just going to end up disappointed by the lack of expensive things in Haru’s home to loot.

He slides open the front door, determined to tell any potential robbers there's nothing of value to rob in this sleepy port town. 

But the words die in his throat when instead of robbers, he finds Makoto asleep on the stairs. His head is leaning against the wall like it’s Haru’s shoulder, and his hands are clutching Haru’s phone. 

Gently, Haru plucks his phone out of Makoto’s hold and is greeted by a voice message from Nagisa, sent over two hours ago. Curious, he swipes across the screen to play it.

 _“Haru-chan? Where are you right now?”_ Nagisa demands.

 _“Please return home as soon as you can. We are all worried about you,”_ Rei says. Even in the height of worry, his _keigo_ is flawless.

 _“I'm sorry, Haruka-senpai!”_ Gou wails. _“I signed all of you up for the medley relay without telling you guys.”_

_“Yeah, so let’s swim together, Haru-chan!”_

_“I’ll be fine! I’ll have all the theories of swimming a relay memorised by tomorrow morning!”_

_“Rei-chan, don't jinx yourself like that. Haru-chan’s grandma always warned us about tempting fate and—”_

The message cuts off there. Haru's hand holding the phone drops to his side, limp with shock. A medley relay? Why would Gou do that without telling anyone? 

_Because she knew I wouldn't want it._

Nagisa and Rei sounded so earnest in the voice message, like they were hoping against hope that Haru would somehow agree to it. But even then, even with Nagisa's earnest swaying power over him, Haru doesn't know if he's _okay_ with swimming a relay after all the mixed muddle of emotions he has come to associate with relays—it was the best of times; it was also the worst of times.

The only one who didn't say anything in the message was Makoto—but he's here, right in front of Haru, asleep on his doorstep. Why is he here? Why isn't he at home after a long day at a tournament? He glances from his phone to Makoto's sleeping face, to his hands that were just moments ago keeping Haru's phone safe—and it hits him. 

Makoto was waiting for him. 

Any traces of _Rin hates me_ and _Why do I swim_ have been swept away by a newfound sense of quiet wonderment. All he can see in his mind are his friends swimming valiantly in their respective races… and Makoto, who must have waited for hours for Haru to return home, his faith that Haru _will_ come back unwavering in the face of the seconds, minutes and hours ticking by.

Haru replays everyone’s words in his mind.

_“Let’s swim together, Haru-chan!”_

_“I’ll have all the theories of swimming a relay memorised by tomorrow morning!”_

_“If you're not there, then there's no point. It’s meaningless without you, Haru! You're the one I want to swim with; you're the one who gives meaning to swimming.”_

And in that moment, the answer reveals itself. It's clear, clearer than a river flowing on the cusp of spring or a wind rustling by on a warm summer afternoon. It's as clear as Nagisa’s zest for all things fun and adventurous, as clear as Rei’s passion for theories and logic, and as clear as Makoto’s unyielding, unconditional love for him.

Haru bends down, takes Makoto’s shoulder and shakes him gently. “Makoto, Makoto.”

Slowly, Makoto stirs. He rubs his eyes and lets out the softest, cutest yawn that Haru has ever heard from anyone. Something tight and tense that was previously knotted in Haru’s chest melts as he watches Makoto rub his eyes awake.

“Haru? Oh, you're back,” Makoto mumbles. His voice is just a teeny bit raspy from the last vestiges of sleep clinging to it.

Haru doesn't bother with any explanations, because he knows that's not what Makoto needs to hear right now. “We have a relay to swim tomorrow, right?” he asks urgently.

Makoto stares at Haru, as if Haru has just burst into song in Dutch. Several beats pass before realisation lights up Makoto’s eyes first, then his entire being. “Wait, Haru, you're really—I thought—”

“I want to swim with all of you. In the relay.”

“Haru…” His name falls from Makoto’s lips like an echo of a prayer answered and fulfilled. His tone is hushed, as though he doesn't dare to believe his ears in case he wakes up and realises it was all just a dream. “I thought—I thought everything that happened…”

Makoto trails off, but Haru doesn't need him to complete his sentence. Innately, he just _knows_ everything Makoto doesn't say. He takes Makoto’s hand, runs his thumb over the back of it and traces loose characters on his sun-kissed skin.

“I know,” Haru murmurs. “But that was then, and this is now.”

His fingers glide across the back of Makoto’s hand, charting a path of invisible words that only the both of them can read.

_Let’s swim together._

* * *

Haru takes all of yesterday’s angsty thoughts, shoves them into a tightly padlocked box and raises his middle finger at it like a ward against all evil. Not today. _Today_ , he needs to focus on this medley relay with this team.

Under the blistering summer sun, he watches as Makoto, then Nagisa, and afterwards Rei swim their corresponding legs of the relay. Apparently, Nagisa and Rei spent the morning practising their exchanges in the school’s pool; the fruits of their last-minute training, combined with Haru’s sage advice of turning his entire body into an ear, really show when Rei dives into the pool at the precise moment Nagisa touches the wall, more precise than an arrow embedding itself right in the center of the target.

Haru keeps his eyes trained on Rei and only Rei in the lane ahead of him. In fact, he's so focused that he barely even feels anything from the frayed remains of the red-blue Bond until it's his turn to get up on the platform—and it crashes into him in one big swoop.

Anger, sadness, jealousy… and above all, loneliness. Sheer, potent loneliness threatening to steal all the air in his lungs.

The red threads tug at him, so he turns his head and meets a pair of wide, haunted eyes.

Rin, standing by the poolside, gaping at Haru like Haru just turned around and stabbed him in the back.

Haru really, _truly_ doesn't understand him—Rin was the one who wanted to destroy the Bond in the first place, but now that it clearly didn't work he wants Haru back? That guy makes zero sense whatsoever.

In the end, however, Haru decides—fuck that—he doesn't need an answer right away. If it’s something Rin thinks he ought to know, he will tell Haru himself. The way things are, though, he doesn't see any point in futilely chasing after Rin in hopes of an answer that he probably won't get.

As of right now, he doesn't have an answer to his other question— _Why do I swim?_ —either. Rin, Nagisa, Makoto and even Rei all have their reasons, but not Haru.

But for today, he will swim for this team in his part of the relay. After they put in all the effort to look for him and wait for him at his home, he needs to respond to that in some way, and if it’s in the form of a relay then so be it.

And while he can, he will do it freely.

* * *

Nao-senpai once said Haru had a way of swimming that doesn't cause his heartbeat to increase dramatically from exertion, which enables him to swim on and on for long distances without wearing himself out. Perhaps that's one latent benefit of being a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid.

During the freestyle leg of the relay, Haru realises what Nao-senpai meant. Unconsciously, without any real intention to, he ends up overtaking the four swimmers ahead of him, all without breaking a sweat. The water is alive, and it has accepted him wholeheartedly today. All he has to do is _swim_ and return to his friends waiting on the other side.

When he finishes his small part and brings the team to first place, the sheer volume of joy radiating from the green and yellow Bonds, as well as from Rei—the only one not part of the Bond but no less important than any of them—drowns out any lingering resentment in the red.

“Haru, good job!” Makoto cries out, greeting Haru with his hand outstretched and a beam so bright it could put the summer sun to shame.

“Haru-chan is the best!”

“Haruka-senpai, that was truly inspiring and beautiful!”

“My heart is still racing from watching that, Haru-chan!”

“Yeah, my heart won't stop pounding, either!”

Haru quietly accepts their words and lets Makoto pull him out of the pool. 

“You know what this means, guys,” Makoto adds excitedly. “We qualified for regionals!”

Haru only gets a second to register this— _We’re going to regionals_ —before Nagisa pounces on him. He wraps his legs around Haru’s waist and tearfully exclaims right in his ear, “I love you, Haru-chan!” 

Rei joins in too, flinging his arms around Haru's shoulders and blubbering about the beauty of Haru’s _free._ Although Makoto hangs back, smiling and laughing, Haru gets a feeling that he wants to join in on the gigantic hug-fest but doesn't want to overload Haru with his weight on top of Nagisa and Rei. Over Nagisa’s shoulder, he offers Makoto a tiny nod, which Makoto returns with another blinding grin.

“Nagisa, you're heavy,” Haru halfheartedly grumbles. “Get off already.”

Nagisa doesn't seem to hear him (or he's ignoring him, the cheeky brat). If anything, he tightens his vice-like grip around Haru and head-nuzzles him affectionately. This time, Haru doesn't stumble under Nagisa’s weight, and he doesn't know how he feels about the fact that he's starting to get _used to_ Nagisa’s weight on him.

So wrapped up in everyone’s jubilation and joyful tears, Haru hardly notices the tiny pangs of red sadness emanating from the sidelines of the pool.

* * *

Man, Nitori really doesn't shut up, does he? 

The kid shadows Rin like a dutiful but annoying-as-fuck puppy everywhere he goes. Rin bets that if he could, Nitori would follow him to class, take notes for him and pack his bag for him when the bell rings. Well, Rin certainly wouldn't protest that; between classes, swim practice and personal training, he barely has any time to even read the old man’s letters, let alone come up with a new plan to save Haru.

Grudgingly, Rin supposes he doesn't _hate_ Nitori. Even if he's quite the chatterbox, even if his desk is the definition of chaotic, even if he leaves his gay porn magazines lying around the room _in the open,_ he makes for some nice company that helps Rin take his mind off things when they become too much to handle (but Rin would sooner return to Australia than admit that to Nitori).

“Good work today, Matsuoka-senpai,” Nitori informs him with all the cheer of someone who has never stared death or the prospect of losing all his friends no matter what he does in the face.

“It wasn't half bad, I guess,” Rin mutters as he shrugs on his team jacket.

“Senpai was in excellent form today. You even broke your own record from the preliminaries! Maybe it _was_ the right decision to join only the 100-meter freestylerace.”

Rin lets out a noncommittal grunt, sitting down on the bench. It's faint in the back of his mind, but the blue Bond is still glowing dimly. Because of the distance, Haru’s emotions aren't as strong as it was the other day at the prefectural tournament, but the fact that Rin can even feel them at all is an ugly reminder of his failure. 

Nitori, oblivious to all this, continues with his chatter. “You beat Nanase-san just like you wanted _and_ qualified for regionals. Unlike me—I was eliminated during the first round.” He lets out a sheepish laugh.

“That's too bad,” Rin says absentmindedly, only listening with one ear.

“Senpai, please do your best at regionals! I’ll always support you!”

Honestly speaking, it is adorable that Nitori thinks he can do anything to help Rin. Swimming is one thing, but having powers that your childhood friend-slash-rival forcibly spliced into you during a life-or-death crisis, and then having to part ways with said friend-slash-rival no matter the outcome of his plan to save him—that is a whole other thing that Nitori, with his innocent disposition and wide-eyed idealism, can never begin to understand. No one can understand. Except for that old man, Rin supposes, but he's an entire continent away so other than a few letters Rin doesn't even have the time to read properly, he is virtually useless too. Essentially, Rin is fighting this war on his own.

But Nitori appears to pick up on his mood, and his smile curves downwards. “Senpai? Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Wasn't Matsuoka-senpai happy after beating Nanase-san in the freestyle race? I thought that was what you wanted, so now that you have done that you can move on! Right?”

Rin wishes. He wishes from the bottom of his heart that it was as simple as that. He definitely _thought_ it was that easy, and look at where it took him: no-fucking-where and with the torn but still technically intact remains of a bright blue Bond. 

Sometimes, Captain Mikoshiba can be a pain in the ass, and other times he's a blessing sent from the heavens themselves. Right now, he presents himself as the latter when he saves Rin from having to half-ass an excuse to please Nitori. He bursts into the locker room in his full captain-like glory of an orange tank top and a pair of green shorts that _really_ don't go with the top.

“Oi, you men gotta hurry up,” Mikoshiba barks. “We’re leaving in a bit.”

“Where are we going?” Nitori asks.

Rin silently thanks sweet little Nitori for taking the words right out of his mouth. He has seen enough of these guys during practice—what he wants is some peace and quiet so he can try and coral his half-asleep brain cells into reading the old man’s letters.

Mikoshiba arches his eyebrows. “Didn't I tell you guys that we’re going to pray for our victory at the festival?”

Rin sighs, but he knows there isn't much he can do to refuse the force of iron-clad stubbornness otherwise known as Mikoshiba Seijuurou. Reluctantly, he gets up and trails after his team to this festival bullshit thing.

After joining the team for a mandatory prayer at the water god’s shrine and letting Nitori drag him around the festival for a while, Rin manages to break away from the group and strike out on his own (though not without threatening to withhold English tutoring from Nitori to get him to leave him alone). He slips through throngs of teenagers in their summer _yukata_ , children playing games and couples sharing food, until all of that is behind his back. Relief washes over him when gradually, the yellow, green and blue Bonds grow dimmer due to the magnitude of distance between them.

He doesn't know where he is going, or where he even wants to go, so he lets his feet take him on whichever path is the quietest.

A familiar tree grabs Rin’s attention, slowing his footsteps to a halt.

 _Oh, it’s that cherry blossom tree,_ he recalls. As if it was just yesterday, he remembers standing under the same tree with Haru and Makoto a good five years ago, telling them about his plans for Australia, before he found out about the horrors lurking in Australia’s underground. He remembers the graduation project their class did of lining up bricks with messages from everyone’s hearts scribbled on them in chalk. He glances down, only to discover that the base of the tree is presently devoid of bricks.

 _Of course,_ he thinks to himself, trying to ignore the bitterness welling up in his throat. It has been five years; it would be silly for the school to still be keeping the project of a class that graduated five years ago out in the open. That was then, and this is now—and the Rin in the now doesn't have messages scrawled on bricks under a large cherry blossom tree or a relay team to call his own anymore. The only thing he has is a Bond that he can't hold on to anymore but for the love of god absolutely refuses to break.

Rin stumbles over to the gate and stares at the pool beyond it. He still remembers it—the relay from five years ago, shortly after freeing Haru from GREAT (or so he had naively believed). The way Nagisa and Makoto swam, and the sight of Haru soaring above him after he touched the wall are all still imprints in his heart. The view from the pool beside his teammates, and then in the pool watching the final member dive in—these are the memories that pain him to have to let go of.

But then he recalls the view he saw from the poolside at the tournament just days ago. While he was standing there alone, there was Nagisa and Makoto and that nerd in glasses shouting Haru’s name, the same way Nagisa, Makoto and Rin did five years ago. The ugly feeling that had curled up in his chest while watching Haru swim for his new team resurfaces. He clutches his shirt, as if he could physically hold his heart together. Pieces slip through the cracks between his fingers, and he can't take it anymore.

Just like how he fled Australia, Rin runs away once more.

* * *

It has been years since Haru last attended a festival. While not his ideal night out, he doesn't have much _against_ it either. Plus, the festival is for the god of _water,_ so that is an immediate plus in his book. Hence, when Nagisa and Makoto show up at his front door, he gets changed and follows them to the festival without question.

All in all, Haru supposes the festival isn't half-bad. Watching the squid-catching is kinda entertaining, though he wishes he could've played the balloon-scooping game. The smell of fried squid and the noise of the crowd don't bother him as much as it did years ago. Perhaps he just needed a few years to mature and get used to all these odd smells and sounds. Or perhaps he just needed an escape and the festival was the best option present. 

After watching the aforementioned squid watching, Haru gets promptly dragged off to try all manners of squid that the festival offers. The _ikayaki_ are not _terrible_ by any definition of the word, but it isn't the same as mackerel. 

There has been one thing bothering him, though—the red Bond lit up and glowing in the back of his mind. It grows marginally fainter while Haru is digging into his fried squid, but not faint enough to indicate that its owner is out of town. Rin must be at the festival too, then. The thought causes his stomach to churn unpleasantly, memories of Rin smirking down at him and declaring he'd never swim with him again rising back up to the surface. And now, even here at the festival, Haru can't escape from him. What did Haru say about the out-of-this-universe force pulling the strings and making all these contrived meetings happen?

There's something endearing about how Rei and Nagisa spend nearly the entirety of the festival coming up with new and increasingly creative ways to keep Haru from bumping into Rin, from Nagisa leaping up with his arms outstretched in a flimsy attempt to block Haru from seeing Rin walk pass them with that chatty kouhai of his, to Nagisa (again) not-so subtly winking at Makoto to convey something along the lines _RIN-CHAN HERE BAD,_ to Rei and Nagisa buying enough _ikayaki_ to feed three nations’ troops and their non-combatant staff, and to Rei not-so surreptitiously sneaking off to stalk Rin. Even if the red Bond has already alerted Haru to Rin’s presence, thus ruining that plan from the very beginning.

Nevertheless, he entertains their efforts, if simply because he doesn't want to put a damper on their fun. He lets Nagisa feed him squid after squid after squid (though he draws the line at the third heaping plate of _ikayaki,_ seeing as he was barely able to finish the first two without Makoto’s help) and drag him to play shooting games in what is conveniently the opposite direction of where Rin is. 

Haru has to admit, though, it _is_ starting to get ridiculous when even _Makoto_ starts playing along too. Rei doesn't know about the Bond so Haru can excuse him, and Nagisa probably just wants to play a fun game like _Avoid the Rin-chan!_ but Makoto of all people should know that Haru is not clueless to the Bond’s GPS function.

“Can't you hold it just a little longer?” Nagisa wheedles, clinging to Haru’s arm.

“But I need to go,” Haru states plainly. His bladder is about to burst from all the green tea Nagisa forced down his throat earlier to wash down the saltiness of the _ikayaki_.

“Ah, the portable toilet should be over there, Haru.” Makoto points to somewhere behind them and distinctly _not_ where the toilet is.

With a roll of his eyes, Haru lets Makoto lead him to where he was pointing, and he doesn't miss the sigh of relief Nagisa lets out the moment their backs turn. Fortunately, they’re lost for only fifteen minutes before a kind old woman points them in the direction of the nearest toilet.

After relieving himself of five bottles’ worth of green tea, Haru follows Makoto to the candy apple stall where Nagisa is already waiting for them. Haru pretends to be surveying the selection of candy apples, when really he is carefully listening to Nagisa’s mutterings while he corresponds with Rei. Nagisa isn't exactly subtle, what with the way he’s squatting down with his back turned to hide his phone from view, only for the screen’s brightness turned up to the maximum to illuminate his face.

“I knew it,” Nagisa whispers. “I knew he was at the elementary school." Pause. "Eh? Rei-chan lost him? Then Rin-chan must be—”

And here, Haru decides to put an end to this game.

“What have you and Rei been up to?”

Nagisa flinches like a child caught red-handed stealing Iwatobi cream bread from the kitchen. He turns around with sheepish guilt written all over his face. “Ha—Haru-chan, did you hear everything I just said?”

“It’s okay, Nagisa. I know Rin’s here. Did you forget about the Bond?”

“Ah, well.” Nagisa stands up and rubs the back of his neck ruefully. “I mean, kinda? But even then, I didn't want you guys to meet, ‘cause of how sad you were after your race against Rin-chan. I invited you here to try and cheer you up, but I guess it didn't work out…”

Haru breathes out a small sigh. “It’s fine. Just ask Rei to come back.” 

Nagisa nods before bounding off to locate Rei with whatever strange bond _those_ two share.

Haru doesn't have much interest in candy apples. In fact, the whole festival is starting to smell too much of fried squid and tooth-achingly sweet candy, and the hustle and bustle of the crowd is starting to drain him too. He needs an escape. 

Not saying a word, he turns around and weaves his way through the crowd in search of a quieter place. He doesn't have to turn around to know that Makoto is following behind him, albeit at a slower pace, as if to keep watch of him from behind.

Haru takes the east exit, where a weather-beaten but nonetheless sturdy stone staircase leads to an archway and open-air viewing deck overlooking the festival. He climbs the stairs up two at a time, then leans against the railing to quietly admire the view below. Orange lamps line the perimeter of the entire festival, illuminating the bustling stalls and sea of colourful _yukata._ The deep blue gradient of the ocean, calm and peaceful, is speckled with the bright golden lanterns carrying people’s wishes, looking almost as if the stars have gently descended from the night sky to grace the festival-goers with their light. 

But now that he's shrouded in darkness and silence, old suppressed ghosts return to haunt him; the festival was merely a temporary escape, not an answer for the questions he doesn't know how to even begin to address.

Makoto joins Haru by the railings, watching the crowd below flow back and forth freely like they don't have even a single care in the world. He's silent for several moments—not the kind of silent where he simply wants to enjoy Haru’s company, but the kind of silent where he's trying to think of the best way to tell Haru something. Haru waits patiently.

Finally, Makoto speaks, his smile an imprint in his voice. “I really gave it my all during the relay. All that was going through my mind was, _‘We have to qualify. We have to go to regionals.’_ But while I was swimming, I suddenly remembered the sight from that time.”

He doesn't have to specify which time—the flashes of memories through the Bond do all the talking for him. The memories of Rin and Nagisa throwing themselves over them after winning that relay, the tears and laughter that was shared, the simple joy of being able to swim with friends form a tapestry of photos hanging from the Bond.

“Getting to swim a relay with all of you…” Makoto’s eyes soften. “It made me really happy.”

Haru stares at Makoto, his tongue a knotted mess. The happiness radiating off Makoto is genuine and cannot be questioned. So that is Makoto’s reason for swimming. Haru already knew that; Makoto himself told Haru that his reason for swimming was to be with Haru and his friends.

_What about me?_

And if there is one person Haru feels safe enough around to bare the entirety of his soul to, it's the one steadfast presence in his life; the one who doesn't say anything but waits for Haru for hours upon hours to come back home—to come back to him. 

“I—I’m becoming more and more confused,” Haru whispers. Not daring to look at Makoto, he instead fixes his gaze on a random lantern in the water. “I always thought I didn't need a reason to swim. All that mattered was that I could feel the water and that the water accepted me. But after losing to Rin, it was like I had a blackout. I—I can’t swim with Rin anymore. He said so himself."

Makoto's eyes widen. "That can't be."

Haru nods. "I couldn't care less about competitions or winning or losing or timings, and that hasn't changed. But Rin not wanting to swim with me anymore—” _And Rin trying to destroy our Bond._ “—it really… it really…”

The lump in his throat swells up, blocking any more words from leaving his lips. Makoto doesn't utter a single word or touch Haru. He simply lets Haru be; he lets Haru gather his words and the courage to open up his heart. Haru couldn't be more thankful for Makoto’s quiet and innate understanding of him, independent of the Bond. 

If he talks about Rin, Haru is just going to choke up again. Instead, he decides to focus on the team he currently has. “But later, I was watching all of your races, and I realised something. I realised all of you had your reasons for swimming. And I—I didn't know. I didn't know mine. That’s why I disappeared after the tournament. 

“But even then," Haru continues, turning his head to look at Makoto, "if you guys said you wanted to swim a relay, I would be okay with it because it was you and Nagisa and Rei. And when it was my turn to swim, I realised—we were working together in the same lane. We were swimming with one heart and one will. You would be waiting for me at the finish line. Just knowing that, it makes me…” The lump in his throat swells again but for a different reason this time. “It makes me happy. Really happy.” That is all he says, because all his vocabulary is failing him right now and he can't think of any other word that more quintessentially sums up his feelings than _happy._

And because Makoto is Makoto, he understands the full scope and magnitude of Haru’s short, simple words. The smile that stretches across his face meets the familiar crinkles around his eyes. “Haru… that…"

“Haru-chan!” a new voice chimes in.

They turn around and find Nagisa and Rei watching them under the archway.

“Haru-chan, is that true?” Nagisa asks, his eyes wide. 

The lump in Haru’s throat is too thick—he doesn't know if he can answer without dissolving right here and now.

Thankfully, Makoto comes to his rescue. “You guys! When did you get here?”

“We were here for quite a while, Makoto-senpai,” Rei-chan says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I told Nagisa-kun to keep very quiet. He was surprisingly good at this task.”

Nagisa giggles. “If it’s to eavesdrop on Haru-chan, then I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.”

Haru can't even find it in himself to be annoyed by that admission. He looks around at Makoto’s soft smile, at Nagisa’s beam, at Rei’s knowing grin—and all at once, the answer falls into place.

“Nagisa, Rei, Makoto," he says, a smile of his own tugging at his lips. "I want to swim in the relay. I want to swim with everyone one more time, and then the time after that, and the time after that one too. I want to continue swimming with you guys.”

The three of them let out a collective gasp of his name. They share a look, as if checking to confirm that they all heard the same thing, then chorus in unison, “Let’s do it!”

In this moment, among the lights of the festival and the lanterns in the ocean and the smiles of his friends, a new bond—not a _Bond_ but as beautiful as one—is formed. Haru reaches out, takes it in the palms of his hands, and cradles it close to his heart. 

He won't let go. Not now, not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're enjoying this, please let me know because feedback really helps me out, no matter if it's a super long paragraph or a simple "i enjoyed this"—i appreciate every single comment i get <3 thanks for reading!
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	8. confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As someone whose balance of the world is maintained by facts, Rei wants answers—answers that Haruka has not been able to provide. He understands his teammates' past better now, but while it has resolved some questions he had, it has also opened up a whole series of new ones. But more than that, he just needs to express his thoughts and feelings on this entire mess of a situation that entangles the past, present and the future if he doesn't get them out now. Speak now or forever hold your peace.
> 
> Which is why he's presently standing in front of Samezuka Academy instead of Iwatobi High School. There is one person who needs to hear what he has to say, and that person emerges through the gates, dressed in the Samezuka swim team jacket and a pair of black-and-red legskins.

When Gou, panting heavily from running up the stairs two at a time, announces that her brother has joined Samezuka’s medley relay team, everyone’s first reaction is to look at Haruka, who in turn simply stares straight ahead at Gou. His expression is unreadable—at least to Rei. Judging by the looks they're giving each other and Haruka, Rei suspects Nagisa and Makoto have an inkling of exactly what is going through Haruka’s mind.

(Rei shudders and reminds himself for the fiftieth time this week that psychic powers do not exist. It’s probably just some special bond that people who have been friends since childhood have.)

Other than that surprising bit of news, practice goes on as per normal. Coach Sasabe has taken time off his pizza delivery job to assist them with their training, which Rei is immensely grateful for. As much as he appreciates the others’ attempts at teaching, nothing can beat having a seasoned coach who actually knows how to teach people. 

He is an extremely tough coach, as Rei has come to realise. He barks criticism at them—“Nagisa, you're bending your knees too much! Makoto, your form is off! Rei, use your kicks if you can't touch the wall before the turn! Haruka, mind your timing before—no, watch Rei _before_ diving in!”—and Rei can see why Nagisa has taken to calling him Goro-chan the Demon. But for all his spartan strictness, he’s a rather capable and innovative coach, which he demonstrates by setting up cameras so they can later observe their swimming forms from underwater, by the poolside and overhead. Rei is impressed by this bit of creative problem-solving.

Haruka places his hands on the rickety table that Gou borrowed from a first-year classroom, watches the replay of his freestyle on the screens, before slipping his cap and goggles back on and diving into the pool once more.

“Whoa, Haru-chan is so dedicated!” Nagisa cheers.

Indeed, he is. In fact, Rei isn't sure if Haruka was ever this serious at training prior to Gou’s brother joining the medley relay team.

However, while Haruka’s form is as perfect as ever, there is something distinctly _off_ about him—something restrained, heavy, like there's a ball-and-chain tied to his spirit. It’s freestyle, but it’s not _free._

Another thing that Rei has observed about his senpai during the few months they've known each other is that Haruka moves like a dolphin in water and a cat on land—flexible and fluid (and prowling in the case of the latter). This is not the case when Haruka clambers out of the pool, with a small but distinct amount of stiffness that wasn't there before, to watch the newly recorded clip of his freestyle. Ever since the prefectural tournament, his movements have been like this, and he's been all brooding and withdrawn. Rei can discern this much even without the bizarre not-psychic link that Nagisa and Makoto seem to share with Haruka. During the festival, he seemed happier—or as happy as he would outwardly express—but when Gou announced that her brother was taking part in the relay at regionals, he has slipped back into his prior brooding.

It’s clear; whoever this Rin-chan fellow is, whatever his past is with Haruka, it’s affecting Haruka and his _free_ in the present.

Rei recalls the night at the summer festival, when Nagisa found him outside Iwatobi Elementary School and told him that Haruka had known all along that Rin-chan fellow was present at the festival too.

Rei’s eyes widened. “But how? Our plan was perfect. Nagisa-kun was an excellent distraction for Haruka-senpai, and there were no flaws in my trailing skills. Did we miss something?”

“Nah.” Nagisa shook his head, smiling sheepishly. “It’s more like Haru-chan has a sixth sense.”

Even up to now, Rei can't help but feel that that was a rather odd proclamation, even for Nagisa.

 _No, focus,_ he reminds himself when it’s his turn to dive in. Something as _illogical_ as a sixth sense doesn't exist. Haruka had probably just spotted the Rin-chan fellow while he and Nagisa weren't paying attention. That had to be it. 

Rei slaps his face, chasing away all nonsensical thoughts of psychic powers and sixth senses, and dives into the pool.

* * *

Rei only lets himself entertain, with a critical eye and skeptical wrinkle of his nose, the illogical hypotheses he has generated based on his field observations when he's safely on the train back home with Nagisa.

What he has gathered about Nagisa, Makoto, Haruka and the Rin-chan fellow:

  * They used to swim in a relay together in elementary school. Something must have happened during or after the relay, resulting in all the emotional baggage Nagisa, Makoto and Haruka have apparently tied to it.
  * Their seeming telepathy, as ridiculous as it is to admit it (even in his head in bullet-point form). It has decreased but occasionally he’ll still catch them sharing odd meaningful looks with each other or reacting in sync. 
  * … Superpowers?



_Am I seriously contemplating the idea of my ordinary teenaged teammates having SUPERPOWERS?_

Rei doesn't know how this has become his life, but grudgingly he lays down the empirical evidence he has gathered over his three-month tenure in the swim team. 

For one, there was that time in the resthouse on the island where Haruka stepped on a piece of glass but apparently became okay after simply washing the wound. While Rei knows full well that washing and disinfecting wounds is important to prevent infections, he also knows it’s not enough to _completely_ heal a wound. 

For two, the way Makoto appeared to _effortlessly rip_ the pantry handle off. Rei is aware that Makoto has the greatest upper body strength out of all of them, but forgive him if he finds it hard to believe that Makoto could tear off a door handle like it was mere paper, whereas the combined strength of himself and Nagisa couldn't even get the door to budge a fraction of an inch.

For three, that time Haruka’s fever seemed to magically vanish after he—against everyone else’s superior judgement ( _Sorry, Haruka-senpai but it’s true_ )—leapt into the pool. 

_And_ not to mention the way that Nagisa and Makoto seemed to know that the Rin-chan fellow was right around the corner when they bumped into him at the prefectural tournament before they even caught sight of him, even though that corner was a blind spot.

Rei resists the urge to tear his hair out in frustration. None of this makes any sense. Zero, zilch, nada. And let it not be said that Rei is not a man open to the possibility of his theories being disproved, because he has spent weekends upon weekends scouring the non-fiction side of all the libraries he could get his hands on for something, _anything_ at all, about superpowers—about concrete, scientifically-proven, and soundly logical facts about the existence of superpowers. But as it was, he failed to reap even a single fruit of his labour. All he ended up with was wasted hours that he could have spent on actually _practical_ things, like doing his homework and nagging Nagisa via insistent text messages to please do his math homework or his grade would slip below the barely-passing borderline.

And what did any of this have to do with the Rin-chan fellow suddenly deciding to join his team’s medley relay team? Was it because he saw their team’s relay? But that doesn't make any sense either. Up to this point, all Rei knew about him—which, admittedly, wasn't much—was that he had an obsession with racing and beating Haruka. He got what he had wanted, so why? Did it have something to do with their history? Their most-definitely-not-but-what-if-they-actually-are superpowers? Their bizarre, illogical psychic link?

Throughout the whole journey, Nagisa has been oddly quiet too. Normally, he would be chattering on and on about practice earlier, his plans for the weekend (which usually involve copious amounts of strawberry ice cream and a not-so copious amount of studying), how much he doesn't want to do his math homework et cetera. But today, he has been simply watching Rei as he critically evaluated the validity of his theories that his teammates _might_ have superpowers and/or a psychic link after all (he absolutely refuses to use a word as asinine as _brooding_ to refer to his actions).

Finally, Nagisa breaks the silence.

“What's the matter, Rei-chan?”

“I just don't understand,” Rei mutters, more to himself than anyone else.

Nagisa cocks his head like a curious puppy (the cuteness of that image is most definitely not logical). “Understand what?”

“It’s about Gou-san’s brother and his sudden decision to join the relay.” It's not the complete truth, but it’s better than a lie.

“Hmm. Even though I'm not sure about his reason too, getting to race against Rin-chan again has provoked Haru-chan into working hard. That's great, isn't it? Haru-chan’s _so_ cool when he's working hard.”

“But what if Haruka-senpai loses again?” Rei argues, and he feels a stab of guilt. Haruka’s loss to the Rin-chan fellow has been all but verbalised to be a taboo topic, given what happened following the race. “Remember how he vanished for nearly two hours and almost didn't make it to our races after his loss?”

“Now now, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says placatingly. “Winning isn't everything.”

If Rei's suspicions weren't what they unfortunately are, he would have simply taken Nagisa’s words at face value, like they're just another old adage people like to repeat. But given everything that he has come to suspect about Haruka, Makoto, Nagisa and the Rin-chan fellow, Nagisa’s words are loaded with heavy meaning beyond what Rei knows, which is rather sparse.

“Nagisa-kun, you said it would be awkward if they were to meet at the summer festival, so you made me run all over the place just to make sure they wouldn't bump into each other.”

Nagisa giggles, a light trilling sound. “Detective Rei-chan did excellent work.”

Under other circumstances, Nagisa’s laughter would spark a chain of chemical and physiological reactions in Rei, resulting in that ‘melting heart’ sensation in his chest. But today, he just sighs and glances down at his lap. “Please stop joking around. I'm being serious here. Why does it matter who is swimming in Samezuka’s relay team? Our goal is to make it to nationals as Iwatobi High School’s swimming club.”

“Rei-chan is absolutely right! If we can make it as far as nationals, we’ll get _loads_ of funding for the club, and we can use that money to swim in Iwatobi Gym’s pool during winter. That's why we’re all working so hard, especially Haru-chan. He acts aloof and like he doesn't care, but inside his passion burns the brightest. It’s like I said, he's always smiling on the inside!”

Rei plows on, barely hearing Nagisa. “But everybody keeps talking about _Rin-chan._ Rin-chan here, Rin-chan there. I… I really don't understand.”

“I mean, we were friends when we were younger?" Nagisa suggests, sounding unsure of himself—a novelty for him. "I guess we still are? Kinda?”

“Even after the way he spoke to you and Makoto-senpai at the previous tournament?”

Nagisa’s mouth opens and closes wordlessly, like he's lost whatever he was about to say. He lets out a nervous laugh, before hesitantly replying, “Rin-chan—he’s actually a lot nicer and kinder than he appears. I'm sure he has his reasons.”

 _Yes,_ Rei thinks with unusual bitterness to himself, _reasons that no one seems to be aware of._

* * *

For some reason, Coach Sasabe finds it a good idea to serve the team a hotpot in the height of summer. It’s so swelteringly hot—like they’re trapped in the hotpot itself—that Nagisa even has to tie his bangs up to keep them from sticking to his forehead. In the haze of the sauna-like heat that presses in on him from all angles, Rei distantly finds something charming about that small ponytail.

After valiantly battling their way through a boiling pot of _shabu shabu_ broth, crab, potatoes and that perpetually present piece of mackerel, the boys beat a hasty retreat to Coach Sasabe’s backyard for fresh air. Now that the sun is satisfied with the torture it has inflicted on the poor mortal souls of the earth, it slinks back down below the horizon. A plate of sliced watermelons, courtesy of Haruka’s expertise and skilled hands, sits on the step beside him and Makoto. Gratefully, Rei helps himself to a slice after letting his senpai go first.

Nagisa seems to have other plans, though. From seemingly nowhere (and how it is that he's able to produce items that will make Rei’s life difficult and embarrassing from thin air, Rei will never know), he brandishes and waves around a pack of handheld fireworks _._

“Found ‘em in Goro-chan’s storage room!” Nagisa announces by way of explanation.

“Do you make it a habit of looting through your coach’s personal belongings with no mind for any concept of privacy?” Rei demands, exasperated.

“It’s perfectly fine! Here, Rei-chan, have one.”

But with the way Nagisa is carelessly waving his unlit fireworks around like it’s another one of his Iwatobi cream bread, Rei’s survival instincts scream otherwise. He mutters something about getting another watermelon slice before backing away. Luckily, Makoto swoops to his rescue and asks Nagisa for two fireworks, one for Haruka and one for himself. 

Now hidden behind the safety of his slice of watermelon, Rei watches as Haruka holds the tip of his firework to Makoto’s aflame one. He finds that there's something simple yet beautifully sweet—almost to saccharine levels—about their relationship. Logically, childhood friend crushes hardly ever work out without a broken heart somewhere, usually because they've been friends for so long that one party sees the other as a friend and has no desire to rock the boat with something as tumultuous as romantic feelings. But the bond between Makoto and Haruka—it transcends ordinary definitions of friendship _and_ romance. Rei wonders if he could ever find something as beautiful as that and hold it close to his heart.

“Yay, it’s lit up now!” Nagisa cheers, swinging his fireworks in sweeping arcs and showering the grass with sparks of white-gold. “Come on, Rei-chan, what's got you so moody? Go get one and light it up!”

“Thank you, but I'll pass,” Rei mutters. You would think he'd have learned his lesson by now—there is no refusing the menace to humankind named Hazuki Nagisa—but sometimes Skinner’s theories of operant conditioning and behaviourism fail on even him. 

A mischievous grin passes over Nagisa’s face, which signals nothing good for Rei's lifespan. He starts chasing Rei around, all the while still holding and waving his firework like a bell.

“If you get one, Rei-chan, we can have a showdown! A battle of courage and wits and _fireworks!_ ”

“Nagisa-kun, please don't point that at me! It's dangerous!”

Nagisa laughs but refuses to let up. It really is ridiculous that he's able to keep up with Rei, considering that Rei used to be a track athlete while Nagisa has only just recently gotten back into shape.

Thankfully, Rei is rescued once more from Nagisa when Gou pops up with a photo album in hand. It’s labelled _‘This is my memory’_ on the cover with a lightning bolt where an ‘s’ should be (never mind that ‘memories’ isn't even spelled correctly). As easily-distracted as a golden retriever puppy, Nagisa forgets about tormenting Rei with the fireworks and bounds over to Gou instead. Makoto and Haruka, who are seated on the step, shift the plate of watermelons aside to make space for her.

Rei lingers in the backyard, watching as the others crowd on the step around the photo album. From what he has managed to catch, this album contains photos of the children from the swimming club that Makoto, Haruka and Nagisa used to attend when they were in elementary school prior to its closing down. He listens in silence while the others fondly describe the photos. There are so many of them—photos of children he doesn't recognise who are wearing medals and proudly holding trophies in front of a pool, photos taken during swim practices, and a photo of a younger Makoto, Haruka, Nagisa, Gou and the Rin-chan fellow which is pasted right smack in the center of a page. Makoto and Nagisa are smiling and holding up peace signs, Haruka appears unamused (and not even looking at the camera), Gou is grinning and clinging to her brother’s arm, while the Rin-chan fellow is flustered and distracted. So even Gou was a part of them. Well, that makes sense, since her older brother was in their circle. Rei truly is the only one with no ties to their past whatsoever.

Nagisa flips to a new page, much to the annoyance of Gou who wasn't done looking at the previous page, and pauses on another photo of them. This time, they're standing in front of an outdoor pool. Haruka is in the front row, holding a certificate and gold trophy. Makoto and Nagisa stand behind him like a guard of honour, smiling to make up for Haruka’s deadpan scowl. However, Rei notices a distinct absence of a small redheaded boy with a grin like a shark’s in the group.

“Oh, I remember this,” Makoto says with a smile that hasn't changed even after all the years that have come and gone. “This was after that summer tournament in fifth grade. Haru placed first in both the 50-meter and 100-meter freestyle races.”

Haruka just shrugs. “I don't care about victories or placings.”

“Hey,” Gou cuts in abruptly, her finger placed on a spot in the background of the photo, “isn't that Onii-chan?”

Rei peers over Nagisa’s mass of honey-blond curls, squints and finds him—a younger version of the Rin-chan fellow with a gold medal around his neck and a toothy grin on his face. Rei blinks once, twice. The difference from his older scowling self who prowls around hallways and snaps at the people who are supposedly his friends is incredibly jarring.

“We didn't know Rin yet,” Haruka explains. His tone sounds carefully and deliberately devoid of any emotion whatsoever. 

“That's right,” Makoto says with a nod. “He only transferred to our school and SC the year after.”

“Wow!” Nagisa exclaims, throwing his hands up as if in emphasis. If Rei were standing closer, his glasses would probably have been knocked off his face. “We met before we got to know each other! The world of swimming sure is a small one, huh?”

“This is what we call being connected by the red string of fate,” Amakata-sensei says conspiratorially.

Gou arches an eyebrow. “Do you call it that when it’s between boys?”

It doesn't miss Rei’s astute notice that even Amakata-sensei has something to say, even though she had no part whatsoever in any of the photos. Rei, in the meanwhile, is left standing behind the group, barely close enough to catch a peek through the gap between Nagisa’s arm and his body.

“Ooh, I want a rainbow string of fate,” Nagisa pipes up. “Hey, hey, _rainbow_ kinda sounds like _Rei_ -nbow, doesn't it? Kinda like meeting Rei-chan was also fate!”

Makoto laughs. “That sounds about right, Nagisa.”

But Nagisa’s attempt at including Rei is so blatant, transparent and forced that Rei only feels worse. He takes a small, almost imperceptible step back.

(Briefly, Haruka’s eyes catch his. The vast blue expanse shimmers, like the stirring of the currents when something is not right at sea. Rei shudders and quickly glances away before the tides sweep him away, even if there is no logical way he can drown in the mere colour of someone’s eyes.)

Coach Sasabe flips to the next page and exclaims, “Oh, _this_ is where Rin starts showing up!”

Makoto leans closer, his arm brushing against Haruka’s. “This was around the time he transferred to our school! Haru, do you remember his introduction?”

Haruka looks away from the photo album. “No. That was too long ago.”

“Oh, oh, is it the one where he was like—” Nagisa lowers his voice in an unnervingly good imitation of the Rin-chan fellow’s. “ _‘I have a girly name but I am a boy’_?”

“See, Haru, even Nagisa remembers and he heard it just once.”

“Yeah, because only Nagisa pays attention to stupid things like that.”

Nagisa giggles. “I thought it was cool that Rin-chan had a girly name too, just like me and Haru-chan and Mako-chan. It was really fate that we ended up on the same relay team.”

Makoto nods and smiles in agreement, while Haruka grumbles under his breath about stubborn pricks and pains in the posterior.

Coach Sasabe points at another photograph positioned lower on the page, and Rei is too tired to bother trying to get a glimpse of it. “Ah, this was when the four of you were training for the relay. Rin was really fired up, wasn't he? But you four seemed oddly shaken that day, even though you all insisted you were fine.”

Haruka stiffens while all the colour in Makoto and Nagisa’s faces drain away, never mind that it’s still a warm and humid summer evening.

“I—I don't remember what happened,” Nagisa says in a rushed voice. He fiddles with the back of his collar, like it has suddenly become too tight around his neck. “Five years—it was a really long time ago. I'm not sure what happened. Mako-chan, Haru-chan, do you?”

As if rehearsed, Haruka and Makoto shake their heads at the exact same time.

Coach Sasabe regards them with a strange look before turning back to the album. “Ah, it’s probably nothing, then.”

But Rei’s better judgement knows that it’s most definitely _not_ nothing. The more he listens, the more confused he becomes. Who exactly is this Rin-chan fellow? The Rin from Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa’s fond, wistful memories don't match up at all to the Rin-chan who was blatantly insulting them at the tournament, spewing disgusting vulgarities at Makoto and skulking around hallways instead of being in the stands with his teammates. 

More than that—he seemed so happy to swim with Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa in the relay back then, which they won, so why? Why did he join Samezuka’s relay team, and why is he such a heavy weight on all of their minds? 

Only one thing in this entire mess of a situation is clear—the kind of bond those four shared obviously goes further and deeper than just swimming a relay together during the nostalgic days of elementary school, and Rei is going to find out what that is.

* * *

Despite Nagisa’s larger-than-life insistence, the night is most definitely not young, especially for Haru who gets sleepy at nine-thirty and needs to be in bed within the hour or he’ll pass out wherever he is. Hence, after bidding Coach Sasabe, Gou and Amakata-sensei goodbye, the four make their way down the street back to the station where Haru and Makoto are walking Rei and Nagisa to.

A welcome breeze blows past Haru’s sweat-soaked face, providing a much-needed reprieve after the muggy evening he's had. It tousles Makoto’s sticky hair, brushing back wave of olive brown after another wave till they resemble the gentle rippling of the sea during low tide. Haru thinks it isn't a bad look on him—not that he would ever say it out loud.

Chirpy as ever, Nagisa prattles on about the food and fireworks and how happy he was to have gotten to see those pictures again. Haru, exhausted from the summer heat and an entire day spent socialising, listens with half an ear open. Makoto must be tired too, but he continues smiling and nodding and entertaining Nagisa. Sucker.

What breaks Haru out of his sleepy reverie, however, is Rei stopping right in his tracks behind the group. 

Makoto notices it first—he turns around with a concerned look and asks, “Rei? What's wrong?”

Rei waits for a lone car to drive away, a group of late-night joggers to overtake them and a flock of pigeons to ascertain that they don't have any bread on them and fly away before speaking, “Just… just _what_ happened between the four of you?”

Immediately, Haru stiffens at the same time Nagisa and Makoto do. He silently curses the Bond—it always syncs their reactions up at the most inopportune time.

“The—the four of us?” Nagisa stammers in a flimsy attempt at cluelessness. “Are you talking about Rin-chan?”

Rei nods somberly. “You were all so close in the photos. You looked so happy. What happened? What changed between you guys?” 

Everyone's expressions fall in unison. Haru feels like Rei just punched him in the gut with a mountain. Of course; Rei is sharp and observant, so Haru should've guessed that he would notice the stark difference between the Rin of five years ago and the Rin of the present.

Several moments of tense, awkward silence pass, in which Haru contemplates how much he should tell Rei. He doesn't want Rei to feel left out anymore—even without the Bond, he can tell from Rei’s tone and pensive frown that he's hurt—but telling Rei the _full_ truth would be putting him in danger because GREAT is still out there, and if they get their hands on Rei too…

Haru suppresses a shudder, hopes Nagisa and Makoto don't notice anything, and pushes that thought aside. “Rei,” he pronounces, his voice barely a whisper over the nighttime summer breeze. Yet Rei inclines his head and meets Haru's eyes, indicating that he heard him. “I don't know if there's any point in talking about this now, but if you're interested I can tell you what happened.”

Makoto and Nagisa gasp in unison. Haru tries not to smack them for being too obvious _again._

“Haru, what are you—”

“Haru-chan, you're not going to talk about the—”

Haru holds up a hand to silence them. “It’s fine.”

_I’m only telling him the part he needs to hear; the part that won't put him in any danger to know._

“Rei, you really want me to tell you what happened?"

“Please do.” If Rei were someone else, he would sound like he’s begging. “I'm tired of being the only one on the outside. I'm part of the team too!”

His words sting Haru, and he realises just how left-out Rei must have felt the entire time while the rest of them were fawning over old photos.

But at the same time, his unwavering resolve thaws something in Haru. It mustn't have been easy to voice something like that, so the fact that he's able to be vulnerable with them like this is reason enough for Haru to finally open up his heart to Rei too.

Haru leans back against a railing by the roadside—which overlooks a river that winds through the neighbourhood shrine—and tells Rei about Rin’s obsession with relays when he transferred to Iwatobi SC, their victory, and Rin’s following trip to Australia. He takes deliberate care to avoid mentioning anything about GREAT or superpowers or the Bond.

When he gets to the part where he beat Rin three years ago, old but unforgotten guilt fills his end of the Bond, like ectoplasm lingering in the long daunting shadows that the memory still casts. He feels Nagisa and Makoto’s concerned gazes boring into him. Unsure if he can reveal something so personal and intertwined with the _other_ secret he's hiding—Rin trying to destroy the Bond—he falters.

Makoto’s hand always knows its way to Haru’s. His infinitesimally larger hand squeezes Haru’s, and in that simple touch Haru finds the strength to keep going.

He doesn't mince any details of Rin’s crying, the tantrum, Haru grabbing his wrist like an unspoken plea— _“Where are you going? Don't leave me"_ —and Rin wrenching himself out of Haru’s grip, the words hurled out of him like he was disgusted to even have them on his tongue, “I'm done. I quit. I'm never swimming ever again!”

When he's done, Haru pauses to watch Rei’s reaction. Part of him wishes Rei were part of the Bond too so Haru could discern exactly what he's feeling. Being so used to having Nagisa and Makoto’s emotions settled peacefully in the back of his mind, Rei’s feelings are like a bound book locked up in a tightly-guarded cell, hundreds of feet underground.

“So that's why you quit your middle school swimming club,” Nagisa murmurs.

Makoto nods solemnly. “He felt so guilty about beating Rin that he quit competitive swimming altogether.”

“But didn't your race against him the other day put an end to all that?” Rei asks, sounding even more perplexed than he did before Haru’s explanation. “Haruka-senpai is free now. You're free from the past, right? So now you can swim the way you want.”

Haru bites back a bitter laugh. If only life were as easy and idealistic as Rei has pictured it in his mind.

“With all due respect, Haruka-senpai, I don't understand why you're so upset about losing that race to him if you don't care about victories and losses and timings,” Rei continues. “And why is he even entering the relay in the first place? I thought he'd be satisfied after beating Haruka-senpai, since that was apparently what he wanted so badly. I don't understand!”

Haru sighs, long and quiet. Just like Rei, he doesn't understand either. Rin is a mess of contradictory signals, a never-ending cycle of push and pull, an inconclusive study of the dichotomy split down between love and hatred. 

But if there is anything the earlier trip down the memory lane reminded Haru, it was of how much he enjoyed swimming with Rin. He didn't get a chance to fully immerse himself in the experience during their freestyle race, having been too worried about the Bond, so the regional relay will be a second chance for him like a do-over of sorts.

This is one truth that won't ever change, even if Rin hates him now. 

“I don't either, Rei. But… I am looking forward to swimming with Rin again.”

* * *

As someone whose balance of the world is maintained by facts, Rei wants answers—answers that Haruka has not been able to provide. He understands his teammates' past better now, but while it has resolved some questions he had, it has also opened up a whole series of new ones. But more than that, he just needs to express _his_ thoughts and feelings on this entire mess of a situation that entangles the past, present and the future if he doesn't get them out _now._ Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Which is why he's presently standing in front of Samezuka Academy instead of Iwatobi High School. There is one person who needs to hear what he has to say, and that person emerges through the gates, dressed in the Samezuka swim team jacket and a pair of black-and-red legskins.

Rei steels himself up, before stepping forward to confront the man of the myths. “You're Rin-chan-san, correct?”

Rin’s eyes widen, then narrow. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yes, it is me. It’s about time I had a word with you.”

“Fine.” Rin folds his arms across his chest, managing to strike a fairly intimidating figure. “Well? What did you call me out here for?”

“I have three questions for you. The first one: why did you suddenly decide to swim in the relay?”

Rin visibly startles, but he schools his features back into a scowl. His unnaturally sharp teeth enhance the fearsome look, but there seems to be something stricken hidden underneath. “I changed my mind, that's all. Did you really come all the way here just to ask me this one stupid question?”

Rei knows that's a lie. Rin’s entire body language gives it away—the fleeting moment of candour before the deceitfulness, the shifty gaze, the glare that looks so forced he must be trying to cover something up. Rei gathers his facts, organises them with a complete list of references ticked off in the back of his mind, before saying, “Forgive me if I am not particularly convinced by that answer. You have been fixated on racing Haruka-senpai and only Haruka-senpai all this time. Your reason was that you couldn't move forward until you defeated him. In the last tournament, you beat him in the 100-meter freestyle race. Doesn't that mean you've achieved your goal?”

“My goal isn't to beat Haru, and neither is it to win tournaments in this country. I'm aiming even higher than that—the global stage.”

“The global stage? Very well. Then, my second question: what else happened in your past with Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun? I didn't want to believe it at first, because there wasn't any logical proof or reason that I could think of, but empirically alone I can tell there’s more to your shared past than just swimming together. Perhaps even something—” Rei spears Rin with a careful, discerning look. “—supernatural?”

Rin’s shoulders visibly tense beneath his jacket. “That is _none_ of your business. This has absolutely nothing to do with you and it should stay that way, have I made myself clear?”

“No,” Rei replies evenly. “I'm part of their team now, so I want to understand. What happened? Was it something so terrible that they can't tell me?”

“If they haven't told you then I have no reason to, either,” Rin snaps. “Any more stupid questions for me?”

Rei frowns, but he can't find any logical flaw in that argument. “Fine. As for my last question—how do you feel about Haruka-senpai?”

“ _Huh?_ What the hell are you trying to imply here? I have no interest in getting between Haru and Makoto like _that._ ”

“That's not what I'm talking about,” Rei says, though he is relieved to know that Haruka and Makoto’s relationship is safe. “In elementary school, you and Haruka-senpai were close friends and rivals. I saw the old photos of you guys at Coach Sasabe’s home. You used to smile and laugh all the time with them. The four of you were always together and having fun. What made you change after you went to Australia?” 

And with that one simple question, the rest come flooding out like water pent up behind a dam. 

“Why didn't you contact Haruka-senpai or the rest when you returned to Japan?" Rei steamrolls on, not letting Rin even get a word in. "What happened while you were abroad? You used to be good friends with them, so _why?_ You even got to swim in a relay with them, which was what you wanted so badly. Aren't you the one who understands more than anyone else how great that relay was, how beautiful the sight you'd never seen before was?”

“Shut up already!” Rin bursts out, cutting off the rest of Rei’s barrage of questions. “I take the time out of _my_ precious training to listen to what _you_ have to say, and you think you can spout all that bullshit you want? You don't even know the first thing you're talking about. Why do I have to explain myself to you? We don't even know each other, so why do you have it in your head that I owe you some kind of fucking explanation?”

Rei is losing his patience at the same pace it takes a flame to flicker to life. “Because _I'm_ the victim here. I used to be on the track team, but I ended up joining the swim club because of Nagisa-kun's badgering and Haruka-senpai's swimming. After watching Haruka-senpai swim, I wanted to swim like him—as freely and beautifully as he did. Swimming was tough at first, but eventually it started to grow on me. Before I realised it, I was having fun with everyone. And at the prefectural tournament, I got to swim in a relay with them. That was when I _truly_ understood relays in a way that transcended theories. I realised how _fun_ they were. I can still remember the feeling I got—that we were finally united as a real team.

“But what they all keep talking about was _you!_ _‘Rin-chan, Rin-chan, Rin-chan’_ , every day and everywhere! All I keep hearing about is how fun it was to swim with _Rin-chan_ back in the day, how _Rin-chan_ showed them a sight they had never seen before, how _Rin-chan_ —”

“And that's not my problem!”

“Like hell it’s not!” Rei yells, finally losing his temper. His old track training kicks in—he lunges forward, grabs Rin by the front of his jacket and slams him against the brick wall. 

“You bastard, let go of me!” Rin growls.

Rei ignores him. “It’s your fault that Haruka-senpai quit swimming. You need to take responsibility for that!”

“ _Huh?_ What the actual fuck are you talking about? If this is about that race at the tournament, I'm not _‘taking responsibility’_ for Haru’s poor fragile ego—”

“Haruka-senpai felt guilty about beating you in middle school! You said you were going to quit swimming, didn't you? That's why _he_ quit!”

The vitriol ebbs out of Rin’s face. His eyes widen—this must be news to him. For once, he has nothing to say.

“So why are all of you acting like this?” Rei demands, his hands shaking. “I don't understand! You beat Haruka-senpai in your race, didn't you? Isn't that enough for you? Why are _you_ swimming in the relay now? What do you want to do? What do you want from Haruka-senpai? What will it take for you to finally be satisfied?!”

Rin grits his teeth, forming a sharp jagged line like the edge of a serrated blade. “In that case… what about you? _You_ weren't involved in any of this, so why are you giving me so much shit?” He rips Rei’s hands off his jacket and snatches him by the collar. “What do _you_ want, huh? Why did you make the journey all the way here just to poke your nose into something that's none of your business?”

Rei meets Rin’s intense red glare. It’s sharp, almost blinding, but he refuses to give in and become the lesser man. “It _is_ my business. I'm on their team. I want to swim with them as the best team. That's all I want.”

Their stares burn into each other, purple on red, like an unstoppable force colliding into an immovable object.

Rin caves first, slowly releasing Rei. His expression—it’s still harsh, furious, but something else bubbles under the surface. Rei doesn't know what it is, but he doesn't care to find out. He's said his piece. 

Not saying a word, he turns, picks up his bag and is about to head off—when he pauses, a sudden thought occurring to him.

“If you dare interfere with us…” He inclines his head, just a little, to pierce Rin with a glare to freeze hell over, “I will never forgive you.”

He leaves it at that and walks away. He has nothing else he needs to say to Rin.

* * *

Days after the confrontation, Rin still can't get rid of that megane nerd’s words echoing like a particularly annoying earworm in his mind.

It’s stupid. It’s the night before the regional tournament, yet he is still hung up on what some guy he doesn't even know said. He punches the pillow, as if that would get rid of the lingering thoughts. All that he's managed to achieve is creating a small indentation in the standard-issue hotel pillow.

Nitori glances up from his book, obviously concerned. He's brought his homework along with him to regionals, because his English grade has been suffering from neglect and if it drops any more he would have to take time off the team until it improves. “Matsuoka-senpai? Is something the matter?”

“Nothing,” Rin snaps. “Focus on your homework.”

“O—oh, okay.” Nitori doesn't sound convinced, but he ducks his head down over his homework once more, leaving Rin with peace and quiet.

Rin turns over on his side, wondering if he should go for a jog to try and outrun the pesky thoughts, when a new one occurs to him.

_What if he were to be in on the secret?_

No way. That is new levels of absurd. Rin was sworn to secrecy to keep all of them safe, so to even contemplate that thought… it's sheer ridiculousness. 

He's about to dismiss it, but then he remembers the look in the megane’s eyes when he slammed Rin against the wall—they were burning with a protective ferocity that is not unfamiliar to Rin. In fact, that reminds Rin, strangely, of _himself_ , and how he put himself between the scientists and his friends when they had infiltrated GREAT all those years ago.

As crazy as it is to admit it, he sees a bit of himself in that guy—the same protective streak when it comes to his friends.

_But is that enough? Is that enough to trust him?_

He can't contact Haru, Makoto or Nagisa. Besides not wanting to see or talk to them, he doesn't even have their numbers. As a last resort, he scrolls through his sparse contact list and clicks on a name that he hasn't spoken to in forever.

“Hello, Onii-chan?”

“Gou. I need to ask you something.”

“Oh, sure!” Gou says, sounding surprised. “What's up? It’s rare for you to call me, if ever.”

A twinge of guilt nags at Rin. He should probably check in with his sister more often. But as it is, business is more urgent in the present moment. “It’s about—wait, I should probably back up a little. For context. Listen, I know it’s gonna sound crazy, but the thing is… uh, how do I put this? Gou, five years ago, Haru, Makoto, Nagisa and I—we… we…”

“Oh, is this about your superpowers?”

Rin nearly drops his phone in surprise. “ _What?!_ I mean,” he says in a lower voice when Nitori peers at him curiously, “what? How do you even—I didn't even tell you—”

“Yeah, I found out on my own,” Gou hums mysteriously. “Matsuokas are raised to be resourceful, no?”

Rin rolls his eyes, figuring she probably just eavesdropped on a conversation. “Good, at least that makes my job here easier.” He pauses, carefully selecting his words so that Nitori—who is obviously listening to the conversation, too, if the fact that he's been on the same page for the past five minutes and is doodling nonsense in the margins of his notebook is anything to go by—won’t suspect anything weird. “Gou, that megane on your team—what’s he like?”

“Oh, Rei-kun? Hmm… he's very intelligent. For the mid-term exams, he was among the top three in our cohort. He tutors Nagisa-kun regularly, especially for math. He's also very theoretical—he’s capable of picking anything up once he has studied the theory behind it.”

The gears in Rin’s mind start to spin, forming a plan. “Theories, huh? When you say _anything,_ is that a hyperbole or is he actually capable of doing _anything?_ ”

“Once he's learned the theories, yes,” Gou confirms. “I don't know the full extent of his abilities or intelligence, but I believe that he can really do anything he puts his mind to. That's how he learned to swim. He was no prodigy and he sank like a rock the first five hundred times, but through perseverance and possibly a stroke of divine intervention, he mastered the butterfly on his own. And…” Her voice softens. Even without seeing her, Rin can tell that she's smiling on the other side. “Above all, he is kind and caring towards his friends. He's always looking for ways to improve the team’s training regimen through his research and theories. And no matter how much he gets on Nagisa-kun’s case, he still helps him with his studies. He’s a good guy, Onii-chan.”

“If that's the case… Gou, would you trust him with the secret?”

“Yes,” she answers without missing a single beat. “I would love to tell him myself, but Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun—well, I figured if they haven't told him then it’s not my place, either. It's not even my secret to begin with. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Thanks for picking up. And, Gou…” Rin fidgets uncomfortably on the bed. He fiddles with the covers, runs his fingers through his hair and holds his phone as far as possible from himself before saying in one big rush, “Take care of yourself. Don't wander around the city, alright? It’s dangerous, especially this late at night. If you want to go somewhere, ask the guys or your teacher to accompany you. Or—or call me. Or something. But not at some ridiculous time like the ass-crack of two a.m. or whatever.”

“Onii-chan…”

Rin buries his face in his pillow. “Night, Gou. Talk to you later.” 

And he hangs up as fast as he can before she can say anything else.

Nitori turns around, resting his chin on the back of the chair. A knowing smile teases at his lips. “Senpai, you really love your little sister deep down, don't you?”

Rin flings the pillow at his head. “Shut up and do your homework, or I'm not helping you with English anymore.”

“Y—yes, Senpai!”

Once Nitori has turned back to his homework, Rin flops back down on the bed. (He tries to ignore the absence of his standard-issue hotel pillow. He should've brought his own along. Except Nitori would never leave him alone about how _cute_ it was that Matsuoka-senpai still kept his childhood pillow, and Rin would have to bodily fling him out of their room and threaten to burn his gay porn magazines if he didn't shut the hell up.)

He ponders everything Gou told him. If Gou would trust the megane with the secret, the first thing to note is that he probably has good muscles. But beyond that, he knows that their mother has raised them to be critical, discerning people, so if Gou says that the megane is a good person, he probably is. Besides, he can't imagine Haru, Makoto and Nagisa letting someone who is _not_ a good person on their team, especially Haru who can sniff bullshit from miles away. 

And, well, practically speaking, the megane _might_ come in useful. Gou said he's smart and he can do anything once he has learned the theory behind it, so _maybe_ if Rin were to explain the Bond to him and show him the admittedly limited research he has gathered about it, the megane can help him figure out a way to break it.

Rin flips over onto his side and texts Gou, asking for the megane's number. Within two minutes, she replies, complete with a half-joking warning not to harass him. Or, at least, Rin _thinks_ she's half-joking.

He adds the number to his contact list, and his finger hesitates for only a moment before hitting the message button.

_It’s Matsuoka from Samezuka. Meet me by the windmills. I have something to tell you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


	9. blowing up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru’s distress spikes to new but not unfelt-before levels. “Rin, calm down. You're not making any sense. Save me? _Australia?_ There was nothing—”
> 
> “Shut up! You don't know what the hell you're talking about.”
> 
> “ _You're_ the one who doesn't know what he's talking about. It’s not like you—there wasn't anything you could have—”
> 
> And that's when Rin loses it. “I _know_ there was nothing I could've done!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter ended right before regionals, but the beginning of this chapter to the end of the second section goes back to right after rei confronted rin at samezuka. the rest picks up at the night before the regional tournament. just thought i'd clear that up in case the time skips gets confusing!
> 
> also, major bombs are dropped at the end of the chapter.

In an unprecedented turn of events, Rei doesn't turn up for practice. When Makoto asks Nagisa why, Nagisa—fidgeting and shifting his weight from one foot to the other— stammers something about the strawberry milk ice cream he gave Rei last night and a stomach flu. Haru rolls his eyes, wondering why Nagisa even bothers lying when Haru can feel his unease through the Bond, like he's holding up a sign with a message scribbled on it in bright neon words: _I'M LYING!_

In all honesty, Haru thinks it’s some pretty funny timing. Just last night, he told Rei (most of) the truth about his past with Rin, and today he doesn't show up for practice. Rei pretty much never falls sick. In fact, Haru would hazard a guess that Rei is incapable of falling sick. If a flu tried infiltrating his body, he would probably just use some flu-vanquishing theory derived from top-tier universities’ peer-reviewed research to get rid of it.

After practice, they take the train to Rei’s home with Nagisa leading the way. They decide to stop by a marketplace to get something for Rei, like a get-well-soon gift despite Haru knowing full well that Rei is in perfect physical health. Nagisa suggests buying a gigantic melon, but it is way more than all of them can afford, even if they put together all their allowances. 

Never to be deterred, Nagisa suggests strawberries, but Haru frowns and points out, “Wasn't it the strawberry milk ice cream that made him sick in the first place?”

Nagisa freezes, a stricken look passing momentarily over his face. Hastily, he schools his features back into a sheepish smile. “Ah, that's right! Hmm, how about bananas? There's a whole bunch over there—50% off too! We can definitely afford that. Maybe even ten bunches for Rei-chan!”

“Should we even be bringing him food if his stomach’s upset?” Makoto asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Is it really something he ate?” Haru adds dubiously. “Or is it what I told him yesterday that's bothering him?”

Nagisa’s flinch and exclamation of “Eh?!” confirms Haru’s suspicion, even discounting Nagisa’s awfully transparent feelings filtering through the Bond.

Makoto shakes his head, rather much like a disapproving parent. “Nagisa, we get that you're trying to protect Rei’s privacy, but the Bond kinda gave you away.”

Nagisa rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Oops, I forget sometimes. Guess I'm so used to its presence, I forget it’s there altogether. It’s funny, isn't it, how one thing can seem so weird when it first happens but sooner or later you get used to it like it’s always been there? Humans really can get used to anything. Oh, Rei-chan probably has some psychology books about this—”

“Nagisa.”

Nagisa’s shoulders slump, and he sighs. “Haru-chan is too sharp. Fine. Rei-chan went to see Rin-chan.”

“Eh?” Makoto exclaims. “Why would he do that?”

“I don't know. Rei-chan didn't give me a lot of details. He just texted me this morning, like—” Nagisa drops his voice in an unnervingly accurate imitation of Rei’s, and he mimes pushing up a pair of invisible glasses. “— _‘Dearest Nagisa-kun, I will be making an approximately two-hour and thirty-six-minute journey to Samezuka Academy. The purpose of this trip is to have a dialogue with a certain party affiliated with your past. Please do not notify Haruka-senpai or Makoto-senpai about my whereabouts. Also, please pay attention during mathematics class, as I will be checking your worksheets when we convene at your home this weekend to review our learning progress and strategise future study plans. Best regards with love, Ryugazaki Rei.’_ ”

(Rei is probably the only person who starts and ends his text messages with proper salutations, but Haru isn't one to judge since _his_ phone is more of a decorative piece in his household than a device he actually uses.)

Nagisa switches back to his usual voice. “I tried texting him a thousand times, asking him why he decided to do that, how it went, was Rin-chan mean to him, was Same-chan as cute in real life as it is in photos, but he didn't reply.”

Haru sighs. He wonders if it was a good idea to tell Rei the truth (well, some semblance of it), especially considering how abrasive Rin has been ever since returning to Japan. Guilt pierces him like a white-hot spear. All this—all the secrets and lies and cloaked half-truths—is hurting the small handful of people he's lucky to call his friends. Not for the first time, he wishes there was another way around all this; that in another life or universe, he could just focus on swimming and not worry about what being a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid entails.

“It’s okay, Nagisa,” Haru says. “Please lead the way.”

“We still need to get Rei-chan something, since we’re here,” Nagisa muses. He surveys the array of bananas and strawberries on display, as if contemplating which would be the most hilarious to give Rei as a not-get-well-soon gift.

“Let’s just get this,” Makoto suggests, holding up a packet of melon bread.

“Ehh? But that's so boring, Mako-chan!”

“It’s something,” Haru says firmly, leaving no room for further discussion.

Once they pay for the melon bread (after seven minutes of trying to decide how to split the cost evenly—none of them are particularly good at math), Nagisa hops along the pavements to Rei’s apartment building, swinging around lamp posts and stopping every five steps to take a selfie with a cat or playfully chase a flock of pigeons. Haru has to resist the urge to pick Nagisa up and carry him the rest of the way to Rei’s home, if simply to speed up the process so they can get this over and done with and Haru can return to the peace and sanctuary of his bathtub.

It takes no more than three incessant rings of the doorbell, courtesy of Nagisa, for Rei to answer the door. Just as Haru suspected earlier even before Nagisa fessing up, Rei is the absolute picture of health, alert and lucid and no sign of any sickness whatsoever.

“Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai, Nagisa-kun,” Rei greets, sounding surprised. “Please come in.”

“Thanks for having us!” Nagisa chirps. He ducks under Rei’s arm, grabs it and drags him into the apartment, leaving Haru and Makoto to close and lock up behind them.

They arrive in what seems to be Rei’s bedroom, where Nagisa has made himself home on Rei’s bed, crinkling the neatly pressed sheets under his weight. They seem to be rather close, considering the brief period of time they've known each other. Haru and Makoto have no qualms about inviting themselves onto the other’s bed, but when you've been best friends with someone longer than you can remember, trivial things like minding social distance and respect for personal space are non-existent.

Rei himself doesn't seem to be paying Nagisa any mind. Instead of admonishing Nagisa for ruining his lovingly-tucked sheets with his summer-induced sweat, he just asks, “Not that I have any grievances about this arrangement, but why is everybody here?”

“You weren't at practice today, so we came to check on you,” Makoto explains kindly.

“Oh, I was—”

Nagisa leaps off the bed and zips across the room to Rei. He places his hands on Rei’s chest as if to force the words back into him. “Hey, you look like you're gonna be a-okay! Everyone was so worried about you, Rei-chan. Goro-chan was all like, _‘I swear, if that Rei lad isn't taking care of himself, especially with regionals right around the corner, I'm going to make him the hottest hotpot to ever exist and once he's better I’ll make him do 5000-meter butterfly to make up for the time lost.’_ ”

Rei’s jaw slackens. “Everyone… everyone was worried about me?”

Haru thinks it’s such a stupid question, uncharacteristic of Rei. “Obviously.”

“It was the first time you've missed practice,” Makoto says gently, while nudging Haru less gently and more pointedly. “It’d be one thing if Nagisa missed, but _you_ …”

“Heeey, what's _that_ supposed to mean?” Nagisa whines, miffed. 

Makoto laughs. “Sorry, sorry.”

Haru is starting to get bored of the conversation, so he decides to take a proper look around Rei’s room. It’s tidy and organised, to no one’s surprise, with simple off-white walls and drawers labelled with categories, like _Socks_ and _Old Textbooks_ and _Miscellaneous Souvenirs from Nagisa-kun No. IV_. The room’s clean white colour scheme has been tastefully selected, satisfying Haru’s artistic instincts, though he would make the wall behind Rei’s bed a different colour—like lavender—to give his room a bigger splash of colour. Books line the many shelves that wrap around the corners. From what Haru can tell, they're arranged according to genre— _History, Biographies, Swimming Theories, Psychology, Mental Training_ —and then within each genre, in alphabetical order. It paints an interesting contrast to Makoto’s home, which is in a constant state of comfortable disarray. While the Tachibanas are far from slobs, Haru has tripped over so many stray stuffed toys they could set up their own store, as well as stepped on one too many Lego pieces belonging to Ran and Ren. It’s only love for Makoto and his family that keeps Haru coming over, despite all the health and safety hazards their home presents.

But what really catches Haru’s eye is the row of trophies and accolades on the glass shelf beside one of the many bookshelves.

Makoto, seeming to have noticed the same thing, says, “Oh, those are incredible, Rei. Are they from middle school?”

“Yes, but that's in the past now," Rei replies. 

Those words resonate with Haru, like a clap of thunder at a precise wavelength only he can detect. That's right—Rei had a past before he dove into the world of swimming, but he left all that behind to join them in the pool. In a way, Haru envies the wistful but matter-of-fact way Rei can declare that to be in the past, when Haru on the other hand feels like no matter how hard or fast he swims, the past is always one stroke, one kick, one splash of turbulent water behind him. Makoto and Nagisa—and what’s inside them—are reminders of the past that isn't quite gone yet.

“But now Rei-chan has all these swimming books!” Nagisa announces, pointing at Rei’s numerous bookshelves with both his arms.

Haru is impressed. Long gone were the days he could read an entire novel in one afternoon and write a book report on it, even if he _had_ to do it as part of his reluctantly-undertaken duty as library assistant in middle school. Now, he can barely get through five pages without dozing off, often at Makoto’s desk. “You've studied all of them?”

“Oh, yes,” Rei answers matter-of-factly. “I've mastered all the theories there is to know about swimming.”

Nagisa sidles over to Rei and head-nuzzles his shoulder. “Rei-chan, you're not supposed to say stuff like that. Remember what I told you about Haru-chan’s wise grandma’s warnings? You're just jinxing yourself to fail if you say that!”

“Nagisa-kun, there is nothing logical about jinxing. Those things don't happen in real life.”

Haru waits till they're done talking before plainly stating, “Rei. You went to see Rin, didn't you?”

Nagisa flinches, as if struck. “I—I told them everything. Haru-chan can see through people like nothing, so there's really no point trying to hide things from him. Sorry, Rei-chan.”

“It’s okay,” Rei says with a gentle smile. “I didn't want to hide this, anyway—I just wanted to tell them myself. But it’s fine.” He turns to face Haru. “Yes, Haruka-senpai, I did.”

“Was it because of what I told you about our past?”

“That contributed to it, but I had my own reasons for wanting to meet Rin-san. There was something he needed to hear. But it’s okay now. I'm done worrying about him,” Rei adds with a small huff. “What he does or doesn't do isn't my problem. I’ve said my piece and I'm happy with that.”

A soft smile touches Haru’s lips. What a Rei thing to say, and it fills him with warmth like summer itself has burst to life in his heart. He turns to Makoto, who's wearing the same summery smile.

“Okay, then,” Haru says. “Rei, you're right. The four of us are a team now. That's what matters.”

Makoto nods in agreement. “‘We need you to contribute to the team with your theories and hard work.”

“Exactly!” Nagisa cheers, sprawling across Rei’s lap and grinning sunnily up at him. “Every member is important and irreplaceable.”

Rei’s eyes widen, and Haru wonders if the wound born of insecurity stretches as wide as that. But at the same time, he can practically see the wound close up with each warm word uttered, sealed by Rei’s own smile, sweet and free as a butterfly. 

And that's when Haru knows—they’re going to be okay.

* * *

Nitori Aiichirou has never quite looked up to anyone the way he looks up to Matsuoka-senpai. How can he not? Matsuoka-senpai trained in _Australia_ of all places, and as a result he's one of the best swimmers on the team, beating even most of the third-years (save for Captain Mikoshiba when the latter is having an excellent day). 

Aiichirou has never been the best swimmer on any team he's been on. In fact, he has never been considered a particularly _good_ swimmer. Unlike most of his peers, he didn't get into Samezuka Academy with a sports scholarship but rather with his grades. Now in high school, he pushes himself to his limit and then a little beyond during training, but it’s never enough and that is why he usually ends up being eliminated from the running after the preliminary round. On a cutthroat powerhouse team like Samezuka where your results determine your worth, he's the little duckling to Matsuoka-senpai’s predatory shark in the gigantic ocean they somehow, against all odds, share. Because Matsuoka-senpai is the best among the second-years and is capable of giving the senpai a swim for their money even on a mildly off day, Aiichirou spends most of training shadowing him, trying to learn all that he can from him.

And that is how he can tell there is something unambiguously _off_ about Matsuoka-senpai today.

There isn't much Aiichirou can do except stand by the poolside with Captain Mikoshiba and watch as Matsuoka-senpai completes his third consecutive lap of 50-meter freestyle. His elbows are bending too much, and he's using more power than necessary, judging by the unusually big splashes he is kicking up.

“Matsuoka-senpai seems really off his game today,” Nitori murmurs, more to himself than anyone else but Captain Mikoshiba hears him anyway.

“Nitori, did he say anything to you?”

“No, Senpai never tells me anything.” 

Quietly, Aiichirou wonders if meeting with Ryugazaki-kun the other day shook something in Matsuoka-senpai. When he asked Matsuoka-senpai what Ryugazaki-kun wanted from him, all he got was a tart “Focus on your own problems”. Aiichirou knows he has many things of his own he ought to work on, like his English grade and improving his timing, yet he can't help but wish Matsuoka-senpai would let him in beyond the looming spiked walls that hide all his secrets and darkness (Aiichirou isn't stupid; he knows Matsuoka-senpai is hiding something huge and most likely shady from him, though he doesn't have the first clue as to _what_ it is).

But even so, Matsuoka-senpai is strong, stronger than Aiichirou, stronger than the whole team put together.

“I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, though,” Aiichirou adds confidently. “He's probably just having one of those off-days. I'm sure Matsuoka-senpai went through much tougher experiences while he was in Australia.”

However, Captain Mikoshiba doesn't seem to share Aiichirou’s unwavering faith in Matsuoka-senpai. “Matsuoka didn't join the team when he first transferred here from Australia. Do you know why?”

Aiichirou blinks, puzzled. “No. Did something happen?”

There is a pregnant pause before Captain Mikoshiba answers vaguely, “Well, the past is in the past now. It’s performance that counts here in the present. The fastest swimmer wins—it’s that simple.”

Aiichirou glances at the relay sheet in the captain’s hand, then at Matsuoka-senpai in the pool. He can't help the bad feeling that has planted its long spindly roots in him and is swelling into something huge—and unsettling, like a premonition of sorts.

* * *

Haru turns over onto his side, facing the wall to avoid the glare of Makoto’s lamp. Makoto needs a night-light in order to sleep (the fears of the monster under the bed hasn't quite left him, even though he's now a teenager on the cusp of becoming a young man in a hotel bed instead of his own back in Iwatobi) and this is Haru’s way of accommodating him. Makoto wouldn't stop apologising earlier, but with a fond roll of his eyes Haru reminded him that he’s capable of falling asleep anywhere under all circumstances, from his bathtub to Amakata-sensei’s pink sedan with Amakata-sensei and her somewhat jerky driving behind the wheel (in that regard, he's a lot like a cat, as Makoto has teasingly described him several times.) 

The light is not the reason why Haru can't fall asleep. No matter how much he tries to will his mind into blacking out, thoughts of tomorrow keep zooming through it—getting to race against Rin again and all the complicated feelings that arise from there. Eagerness is definitely there, as well as some determination to finally get some answers out of Rin—but there are also apprehension, dread and fear of what he will get, _if_ he’ll get anything at all.

“Haru, you asleep?”

It’s a pretty redundant question, considering the Bond is, like, a thing that alerts them to the others’ feelings, physical proximity and state of consciousness or lack thereof. Nevertheless, Haru has to admit there's something intimate about speaking in low sleepy voices in the hush of night, just the two of them in their hotel room.

“No. I'm awake, as you could tell if you checked the Bond. Are you turning into Nagisa?”

Makoto chuckles. “You're right. Sorry, sorry.” He's silent for a moment, as if simply enjoying this shared intimacy too. “Can't fall asleep, huh? You're feeling tense.”

“… Not really.” Haru leaves it at that, not sure how to express the full magnitude of everything weighing on his mind.

“Can't believe regionals are already upon us. I hope we make it to the finals. It’d be really cool if we could swim at nationals.”

“Yeah.”

There's something reassuring for Haru to know that he can give laconic replies to Makoto’s musings and Makoto would just simply understand everything that goes unspoken. It's kinda like his heart is open yet protected in Makoto’s strong, steady hands. It has always been like that, for longer than Haru can remember. Somehow, he just _knows_ that even in a universe where the Bond doesn't exist, Makoto would still be able to understand Haru from what's on the surface to the very core of his being, like Haru is an integral part of his soul.

But just because Makoto knows everything Haru doesn't say, doesn't mean there aren't some things Haru should say anyway.

He finds himself glad that he's facing away from Makoto. His cheeks heat up, and his toes curl up under the covers like they are already getting secondhand embarrassment. Before he loses his nerve, he hurriedly mumbles, “Makoto. I—I appreciate you being here for me. Thanks.” 

All that he gets from the green Bond is stunned silence before it’s flooded with drumbeats of shock. It isn't shock because Haru’s appreciation of and feelings for Makoto are anything novel, but rather because it’s not something Haru outright _says_ , and the both of them know this. When he hears Makoto’s bed creak, like Makoto has gotten up to stare bewilderedly at his back, Haru feels the urge to run away if only to outrun the bright red flush spreading from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes.

“I’m going to esca—a run,” Haru stammers. “I'm going. For a run."

“Eh?"

"Not sleepy. You stay here and sleep. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

"But a _run?_ At this time?”

Ignoring Makoto’s protests, Haru scrambles out of bed, shoves his feet into his sneakers without even bothering with socks and strides out with what little scraps of dignity he's able to gather. One day, he’ll express to Makoto his true feelings with real words, but for the Haru of the now—this is more than he can take. And judging by Makoto’s shock, it’s probably all he can handle tonight too.

Haru weaves through the small crowd in the hotel lobby waiting to check in or out and slips out through the automatic doors into the muggy summer night. He breaks into a jog, letting the extremely occasional breeze ruffle his hair. He makes about two blocks before the yellow Bond starts glowing brighter in his mind and a familiar cry of “Haru-chan!” pierces through the otherwise silent night.

He whips around to find Nagisa across the street, waving at him with far too much energy at nearly ten p.m. 

“Is Haru-chan out for a late-night run?” Nagisa shouts. He dashes across the thankfully empty street and joins Haru by his side. “Let me join you!”

Haru resumes his jog and calls curtly over his shoulder, “If you can keep up.”

The light pitter-pattering of Nagisa’s bright pink sneakers on the concrete pavement alerts Haru to Nagisa trailing a few steps behind him. He slows down—a subconscious instinct from his elementary school days—until they're side-by-side.

“I remember this,” Nagisa says wistfully. “You used to say the exact same thing to me when I joined you on your runs to Iwatobi SC. Some things really don't change, huh?”

Haru nods, wishing he could tell Nagisa how he doesn't _want_ things to ever change. But with the days, weeks and months flying past like fragile brown leaves torn off its branches during the advent of autumn, he is reminded of and terrified by change’s inevitability. Time is inevitable. His fate is inevitable, which he’s constantly swinging between hopelessly resigning himself to and stubbornly, wishfully denying.

They jog past the restaurant where they had dinner earlier and find a playground. Perhaps earlier in the day it had children all over it, sliding down the slides, swinging from the monkey bars and rocking back and forth on the spring riders; but with the moon hanging over it like a watchful security guard, it’s now devoid of life. They slow down to a brisk walk, making their way to the swing-set and settling on a swing each. It is newer and poses less of a danger of crumbling into rusted metal gears and worn rubber than the one in Iwatobi, but Haru prefers the one back at home.

Now that he's managed to more-or-less outrun his earlier embarrassment, Haru turns to Nagisa with a question that has only just occurred to him. “What are you doing awake?”

“Rei-chan was gone when I woke up to pee,” Nagisa explains, complete with large sweeping hand gestures demonstrating what the trajectory of urine resembles, “so I'm looking for him. Have you seen him?”

Haru shakes his head. Rei must have left even earlier than him, then. If Rei were part of the Bond, locating him wouldn't be a problem.

“What about Haru-chan? Why are you awake?”

“I… I'm…” Haru falters, unsure how to explain his complicated feelings about swimming with Rin tomorrow combined with his earlier gay panic regarding Makoto.

As if picking up on Haru’s loss for words, Nagisa suggests, “Nervous about tomorrow?”

Haru glances away. “Not really.” He doesn't know why he bothers denying it when Nagisa can read his feelings clear as his favourite river in Iwatobi, but at this point in their friendship it’s more of a reflex than anything else.

“It’s okay, Haru-chan. Actually, I'm feeling pretty nervous myself. What if I screw up my dive tomorrow? What if I jump in too late and waste time, or if I jump in too early and get a false start? That would ruin the whole relay for everyone, wouldn't it? I'm worrying about things I usually don't think too much about. Practice and the actual _regional_ tournament—they’re two different things.

“But I'm worried about all this because I'm just so… so _happy_ I get to swim with Haru-chan and Mako-chan again!” Nagisa declares, all open candour that doesn't know the name of embarrassment or shame. “That's the whole reason why I enrolled in Iwatobi High in the first place. And with Rei-chan, we’re the perfect team. Plus…” Even without looking at him, Haru can tell Nagisa is tilting his head and giving him that unnervingly astute look, too mature for his cute childish face. “We’ll be racing Rin-chan and his team tomorrow. That's why you're nervous, isn't it?”

Haru gazes down at their feet. Nagisa’s sneakers are about two or three sizes smaller than Haru's. In fact, if Haru were to stretch his legs out, the toes of his sneakers would reach a point at least half a shoe further than Nagisa’s. Yet, somehow, Nagisa has the biggest, sunniest presence that outshines the moon and its legion of accompanying stars. It's the one that Haru has come to know and love so deeply. It’s different from how he loves Makoto—while he and Makoto have never seen any need to define _what_ they are, they are definitely more than ordinary platonic friends, what with their soft kisses on foreheads and tight hugs and the occasional heat that flares up in Haru’s lower core when Makoto’s hips press just a teeny bit harder than usual against his from behind. He doesn't get that with Nagisa, but what he feels instead is a fierce instinct to protect Nagisa's blithe and innocent wonder about the world.

“It’s all thanks to you, Nagisa,” Haru says, his voice barely above a murmur. “It was you who came up with the idea of starting a swim club in our school. We wouldn't be here without you.”

“That's right! Glad you remember that, Haru-chan.”

“I never thought I’d get to swim in a relay again after I had quit competitive swimming. But here we are, the night before the regionals’ relay race.”

Nagisa grins and plants his hands on his hips. “Well, that means you should be more appreciative of me and my genius ideas!”

At this, Haru goes quiet, realising he probably doesn't tell his friends just how big their share of his heart really is often enough. “Yeah. Thanks, Nagisa.”

The self-satisfied grin slides off Nagisa’s face. His jaw slackens, and the shock pulsing through the yellow Bond is not unlike the one in the green Bond just fifteen minutes ago. A small, confused “Eh?” is all he manages to eke out.

Unlike with Makoto, Haru doesn't feel any embarrassment. Something about Nagisa—his cheerful frankness and how what you see with him is exactly what you get—has long since shattered any potential boundaries in words between them. With Makoto, it’s the fact that they have been operating on this whole system of “things that go unsaid but understood” that makes Haru feel like outwardly expressing his feelings to Makoto would change the tides they normally flow at. But with Nagisa, he can be wholly honest, because Nagisa exists in the state of simply stating what's on his mind, no barriers or filters whatsoever.

Then Nagisa’s shock vanishes, replaced by an outpouring of delight like a verdant wellspring. He bounds over to Haru and wraps his arms around his neck. “Haru-chan! That was so cute!” he squeals into Haru’s ear.

Nagisa’s grip on Haru is so tight he wonders if there will be bruises later and how he’ll explain those bruises tomorrow when he inevitably has to be shirtless. “Nagisa,” he wheezes under the sudden weight that really should have stopped being surprising a long time ago, “you're heavy. Get off.”

Nagisa pays him no mind. “That's great, Haru-chan! I'm so happy!”

“Nagisa, I'm serious, get off!”

“I love you, Haru-chan!”

“Nagisa, _Nagisa,_ are you even listening to me?!”

* * *

Rei finds the man where he said he'd be: at a pier by the windmills. It overlooks a clear stream—which reflects the inky black sky and the tiny twinkling stars speckled across it—and a lush field where crickets croon sleepily. Standing still, letting the wind card through his red hair, Rin looks—well, not entirely at peace, but considerably less thunderous than he did during their confrontation days ago.

Rin hears Rei's footsteps and turns around. “Yo.” 

“Why did you call me out here?” Rei asks, cutting straight to the chase.

“I didn't answer your questions that day.”

“Forget it. I have no interest in rehashing what I already said."

“No. I want to answer them.” Rin’s eyes don't meet Rei’s, but they instead gaze out at the stream, as if it would give him the strength he needs to say what's to come next.

“Fine, then, but please make it worth my while,” Rei concedes, folding his arms.

Rin nods. He continues watching the gentle flowing of the river below them as he describes his experience training in Australia. He explains how he hit a wall there—no matter how hard he practised, no matter how many hours he put into training even after practice was concluded, he could never catch up to the others. His dream of competing on the global stage had never felt so hopelessly out of reach.

“Initially, I wondered if it was because I was so fixated on relays when I was in Japan,” Rin elaborates. “There was something an old friend and rival of mine from elementary school—before I moved to Iwatobi and met Haru, Makoto and Nagisa—said to me. He told me relays were just playing around with friends. It wasn't _serious_ swimming. When I hit that wall in Australia, I thought I saw what he meant, so that's a big part of the reason why I denounced relays… but there's something else.”

He pauses, turns around and nails Rei with a careful, appraising look. “Gou told me you're all about logic and theories.”

“I dare say that's an accurate assessment of my interests, as expected of Gou-san,” Rei allows. “Why?”

Rin continues as if not hearing him, as if reciting from a script. “But how much do you believe in, say, superpowers?”

A shudder rocks through Rei. This isn't seriously happening—there’s no way Matsuoka Rin would call him out at nine-forty-three p.m. the night before the regional tournament to talk crack about _superpowers._ But before he can protest or declare that he'd had enough and he's going back to his room to preserve the balance of everything he thinks he knows about the universe, Rin plows on.

“If I told you there are actual, scientifically-proven ways to give ordinary humans superpowers, would you believe me?”

Rei takes a long, shaky breath. He didn't dare believe his gut feeling prior to this meeting, but now Rin is talking about the extraordinary and Rei is _right_ after all, no matter how crazy and downright _illogical_ it sounds. 

Rei barely manages to keep the tremors out of his voice as he says, “If it has been proven, if you have evidence, then I would like to see it.”

“Very well.” 

Rin’s outline starts to glow red, despite it being near-total darkness around them save for the the hazy yellow of the lamps along the pier. He opens his mouth, bares his teeth—and they start to grow longer, sharper and thicker, until the tips reach his chin.

Rei pinches himself. Once, twice and thrice. When that's not enough, he digs his nails so hard into his skin he nearly draws blood.

“No, you're not dreaming,” Rin’s voice cuts in brusquely. “This is real. You asked to see it. Don't blink—there’s more.”

With great apprehension, Rei keeps his eyes peeled open. Rin’s teeth retract back to their usual length, but his features start melting together. His shoulders shrink to about two-thirds of their original width, he loses approximately twelve centimeters of height, and his red hair goes _blond,_ starting from the roots down to the ends. Now, Rei is no longer looking at Rin but at _Nagisa._

“Shapeshifting.” Rin even _sounds_ exactly like Nagisa, though it is extremely jarring to hear Nagisa utter something as extraordinary as “shapeshifting” in such a deadpan and distinctly _un-Nagisa_ tone.

“What on— _how?_ ” Rei demands, losing all semblance of the eloquence that he normally prides himself on.

“Five years ago—”

“No, wait. Can you transform back to your usual self first, please? It is… _disconcerting_ to be seeing and hearing Nagisa-kun when it’s not actually him.”

Nagisa’s shoulders shrug. “Fair enough.” His features meld back together, and now Rin is standing in the place of where the Nagisa look-alike was just seconds ago. “Like I was saying, superpowers. The four of us have them. Nagisa has healing powers—nothing self-regenerative, though. He can heal others just fine but not himself. Makoto has superstrength and super-durability, but the latter only occurs when he grows scales. Don't worry, he can turn the scales back into normal human skin.”

“Scales,” Rei echoes faintly. “Makoto-senpai. Nagisa-kun. Healing powers. Then—Haruka-senpai. What about him?”

“Mermaid. Or merman. I don't know.”

“A mermaid.” Rei starts to question if he ate something wrong during dinner earlier and it’s causing him to have visual and auditory hallucinations, or if he took a wrong turn somewhere on his way here and ended up in some bizarre superhero comic book world. “But he walks on land.”

“He can shift between forms,” Rin explains with a roll of his eyes, like it’s supposed to be common sense. “He has all the better versions of our powers and more—because he's, like, the original—but the catch is that those powers only activate when he's in his mermaid form.”

“His mermaid form.”

“Yeah, stop parroting my every word. Like I was saying, those powers only activate when he's in his mermaid form so he's practically useless on land. That was one of his supposed ‘designed flaws’ that the scientists didn't manage to fix before he blew up the lab.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Rei stammers, feeling rather much like he's tied to a train which is charging across the rails at the speed of sound and hopping from track to track with no warning whatsoever. “I think I'm missing a large chunk of events in between. Could you perhaps start from the beginning?”

Rin nods, looking more apologetic than Rei would have expected from him. “Okay, this is the shortest version I can think of. Haru’s parents were crazy scientists working for some shady organisation called GREAT. They had been experimenting on him ever since he was seven to give him superpowers. I know,” he adds, spotting the aghast look on Rei’s face, “it's incredibly fucked up, but hear me out before you go on a tangent about how morally gross it all is, okay?”

Rei nods, zipping his lips.

“His parents’ plan was to genetically engineer him to become this super powerful weapon, so they could sell him to GREAT when he's older, like nineteen or something. GREAT is one of those underground hitmen organisations that now also specialises in creating superhumans to wield as tools for war. They’re based in Australia, and they have branches all over the world—Japan, America, Sweden, you name it.

“None of us knew about this, not even Makoto. They still enrolled him in elementary school and let him join the SC, which was how I met him. One day, he didn't show up at the SC even though our relay race was just days away. The thing is, he pretty much never misses practice, so Nagisa, Makoto and I decided to look for him. Being real dumbasses, we trusted the first stranger we bumped into who told us they knew where Haru was, and that's how we ended up finding Haru at the lab.

“It was a trap. They seized us, strapped us down and injected us with these painful-as- _fuck_ needles.” Rin’s hand finds the small of his back, almost unconsciously. “They might have done some operations on us, too. I don't remember. I just remember being in so much fucking pain.”

Rei can't speak now even if he wanted to. His throat is sealed shut with horror and disgust. Rin, Makoto, Nagisa and Haruka—they were just _children._ And it wasn't all that long ago, either, probably five years ago by the sounds of it.

“Haru had a literal emotional explosion, which distracted the scientists and gave us our respective superpowers. I helped break the others out with these—” Rin bares his teeth. “—but we were nearly caught again, so Haru let loose _another_ explosion which blew the entire building up. We probably nearly died, but it _was_ pretty fucking awesome in hindsight.”

“Rin-san…” Rei says weakly. He's in too much shock from the story that Rin's liberal use of profanities fails to faze him.

“That second emotional explosion gave us an Empathy Bond. It’s not a _psychic_ bond—”

(From the exasperated way Rin enunciates the last two words, Rei infers that this is something he's had to explain multiple times to a group of particularly slow dimwits.)

“—but we can feel each other’s emotions through it, as well as determine the others’ physical proximity to ourselves. It’s pretty surreal, so just imagine a bunch of fluorescent strings in your mind that glow brighter the closer you are to Nagisa or Makoto or Haru, and that you can feel whatever they're feeling through them.”

Rei has a hard time imagining that. In no theoretical book has he ever read about something as _impossible_ as this.

“Anyway, Haru’s grandparents found us in the rubble,” Rin continues. “We weren't hurt too badly, since Makoto and Haru had activated their super-durability to protect Nagisa and me. Haru’s grandma brought us back to her place, while his grandpa chased the remaining scientists who were still alive out of the country.”

“Then… Haruka-senpai’s parents—are they…?”

“Dead,” Rin states, his tone devoid of any emotion whatsoever. “As they should be.”

Rei frowns. He’s thinking something along the lines of tossing them behind bars for the rest of their lives to serve justice for the atrocities they had committed, but he supposes there's nothing anyone can do about death. “I… I never would have guessed. I mean, I _had_ a suspicion but there was no way I would have believed it. Until you—well, until you called me out here and told me all this.”

Rin nods, looking almost gruffly sympathetic. “This was a lot easier to believe when I was twelve.”

“But why tell me all this, and in this much detail too? I know I asked, but I wouldn't have expected you to tell me _this_ much. Is there something you want from me?”

“You're a sharp one. I actually need your help with something—but I’ll tell you what it is another time.” Rin pauses and slips his hands into his pockets, with just the thumbs hooked over the flap. 

Without any warning, he changes the subject as if he wasn't just talking about superpowers and mermaids and shady hitmen organisations just moments ago. “Your name’s Ryugazaki, correct? Watching your team’s relay at the prefectural tournament—it reminded me of my old passion for relays. The day after tomorrow, we’re going to be allies, if you agree to help me. But tomorrow, I'm going to swim in Samezuka’s relay team, and we’ll be enemies. I'm going to give you the race of your lifetime, so do your best with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa. But—” Those red eyes could stop a heartbeat. “—that also means you can't embarrass your team, either.”

Rei remains as still as the last leaf hanging by the barest fibers on a tree, hours before autumn has run its course and winter is about to roll in. He doesn't say a word, but words aren't needed.

Rin brushes past him. “That's all I have to say. Sorry for making you come out here this late at night.”

Just like that, he vanishes into the night, leaving Rei to contemplate how exactly it is that he has found himself in a comic book universe.

* * *

The morning of the regional tournament sure is a beautiful one, Haru thinks to himself. The sky is as blue as people like to tell him his eyes are, and not even a single speck of white cloud can be seen dotting its surface. The cheerful summer sun beams down on them, not too harsh to make him feel like he's being blinded or suffocated. Instead, it’s gentle, like a kind embrace. If Nagisa were in charge of the weather forecast, he would probably say something about how the weather is wishing them luck for later’s race.

Outside the stadium, a cherry blossom tree stands tall and proud. Haru stops and stares. It looks an awful lot like the cherry blossom tree outside his elementary school, the one with the bricks stacked under it. He still remembers what was written on them: _I Swim, Free, For the Team._ Makoto, Haru, Rin. The memory nearly tugs a smile at his lips. The double life he led in elementary school was really weird, now that he thinks about it. By day, he was an ordinary kid going to school, swimming and writing on bricks for his class’s graduation project. By night, he was experimented on to become a superhuman-mermaid. But those days are now behind him, even if he isn't as free as he has long since given up on hoping he would be. 

Haru squats down in front of the tree, grabs a stray stick and traces several English letters in the sand. He isn't sure why he's written them or who is even going to read them, but he just felt this _need_ to have them written down somewhere.

The others call him, reminding him that the tournament is about to start, so he places the stick down and hurries to join them, leaving his message behind in the sand. 

It doesn't take them long to find their seats in the stands, where Coach Sasabe, Amakata-sensei, Gou and her best friend are waiting. They are accompanied by a large banner with the school’s name and Haru's drawing of Iwatobi-chan emblazoned proudly on it. Haru likes that drawing, and he has a soft spot for Iwatobi-chan, so it's nice to see it here (though he would never admit it lest Nagisa teases him and that'd be a bother to deal with). 

Afterwards, they sit through a long droning opening speech which Haru gets tired of listening to after the third sentence, as well as Coach Sasabe’s much more enthusiastic and rousing one before it’s time for the 100-meter freestyle race.

Haru would sooner let the earth swallow him whole than admit that he's looking forward to watching Rin race. He resists the urge to lean forward in his seat like Nagisa to get a better look at the swimmers, who are filing out of the changing rooms one by one. There—there’s Rin in the fourth lane.

But up in the stands, Haru can just _tell_ there is something completely wrong with Rin. Through the fractures in the red-blue Bond, feelings that Rin should not be feeling right before his big race are bombarding Haru—anger, bitterness, frustration. But _why?_ Rin gets to swim in the freestyle race at regionals. He should be over the moon, so why does he instead look like the entire world has stabbed him in the back?

Faintly, Haru hears Nagisa nudging Makoto and asking in a low whisper if he can feel it too, to which Makoto replies with a silent but worried nod. Haru isn't sure—all that has his attention is how Rin is the last to get into position on the starting block after the initial whistles are sounded, _and_ he is the last to dive in once the final whistle is blown. Major alarm bells go off in Haru’s head. He may not know what the hell is going through Rin’s mind these days, but he knows better than anyone else that when faced with a pool, Rin’s focus has been sharpened to perfection like the tip of a war blade.

 _It’s probably a once-off incident,_ Haru tries convincing himself, even though the words ring hollow. All swimmers get bad starts here and there—it’s a fact of swimming. Rin can compensate for the difference at the turn, where he’ll start ripping through the water with the brutal power of a shark even if he's dead-last now.

But, to Haru’s mounting horror, Rin doesn't. By the time his hands slam against the wall, the first four swimmers are already climbing out of the pool. He tears his cap and goggles off, panting far too hard for Haru to believe he’s simply exhausted from swimming a hundred meters. Rin’s stamina is better than this, so _why?_

Haru can only watch, frozen with alarm, as Rin attempts to push himself out of the pool, only to fall back in—not once, not twice, but _thrice._ It hurts to watch, but what hurts even more is the raw bitter anger howling through the fragmented red-blue strands in Haru’s mind.

Rin is hurting. Rin is _not okay._ And in a place where Rin is not okay, Haru doesn't give a damn if Rin hates him or is trying to destroy the Bond or whatever it is he's trying to do. He needs to be there with Rin. 

Not thinking twice, Haru leaps out of his seat and dashes out to the foyer. A thundering of footsteps resound behind him.

“Haru!”

“Haru-chan, wait!”

“Haruka-senpai, please wait!”

“I can't wait!” Haru yells over his shoulder. Rin’s in pain—how do they not see it? If Rin is in pain, Haru can't _not_ run to him.

They tear through the hallways, the others having given up on trying to get him to stop and calm down, only to hear a loud slam like someone punching a wall and a distinctly Rin-sounding bellow of _“SHUT UP!”_ echoing from the adjacent corridor. Frantically, they chase after the echoes and screech to a halt in front of a row of lockers.

At the other end of the hallway is Rin, his eyes wild and teeth bared like a feral beast that has been cornered. Before him is his small grey-haired underclassman, who's holding his hands up as if to placate a scared and wounded animal.

“What do I care about future tournaments or any bullshit like that?” Rin roars. “It doesn't matter! I don't give a damn about what happens. I'm obviously no better than this—I’m _never_ gonna be good enough. That's why Captain took me off the relay team. Fuck it all, I quit! I'm _done_ with this bullshit sport!"

With a vicious swing, he sends a trash can hurtling down the hallway. The underclassman flinches, as if terrified he's next, and Rin stalks off. His stomps ring in Haru’s ears like thunder has struck right in front of him.

“Rin-chan was taken off the relay team?” Nagisa gasps, horrified.

“I thought—I really thought we’d get to race him if we made it to the finals,” Makoto stammers. His hand is covering his mouth in shock. “But—but if he's not even there—”

Haru barely hears them. All he can think of is how, once more three years later, he has just watched Rin quit swimming—and there is nothing he can do about it. The full truth of everything comes crashing down around him. The entire world freezes over with shards of ice fracturing off to hail down on him with a vengeful fury, and he can't handle anything more.

He crumbles on the floor like a raindrop helplessly tumbling down from the sky, slamming into the hard asphalt and shattering into millions of tiny fragments.

_I really… I really won't get to swim with Rin anymore?_

Is this where it all ends? The one who ignited and then re-ignited Haru’s flame for swimming—is that the same one who forms the ashes of the aforementioned flame with a kick of trash can and a declaration that he _quits?_ Does Haru even want to stay in this world of swimming if Rin isn't there?

Makoto and Nagisa’s worried murmurings fly over his head—something about the medley relay preliminaries starting soon, something else about how they should focus on their own race first. But how can Haru do that? How can Haru race if Rin’s not there in the adjacent lane, blazing a path through the water for him to follow? 

As if things couldn't possibly get any worse, all too familiar pain sears across his skin. Flecks of glaring blue catch the white fluorescent lights above. 

_Fuck._

Frantically, he tries tugging his sleeves down, but it’s too late—Rei has already spotted it.

“Rei,” Haru chokes out. “It’s not—I can explain—”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, it’s—”

“No, Haruka-senpai, it really is—”

“Rei, I know it’s gonna be a lot to take in, but—”

“I know.”

Haru freezes along with the ticking of time. The two simple words _I know_ echo in the now too-quiet hallway.

“Wa—wait,” Nagisa stammers. “How do you—Haru-chan didn't—wait, Haru-chan, did you actually…?”

“Rin-san told me,” Rei says. He drops his voice to a whisper, in case the Samezuka first-year is still lingering around somewhere. “Last night, he called me outside to talk by the windmills. He informed me about your superpowers, the organisation that turned Haruka-senpai into a superhuman-mermaid, and how you guys managed to break him free from GREAT.”

Makoto’s jaw hangs open. “But why? We were sworn to secrecy—that’s why we couldn't tell you, Rei.”

“I'm not too sure myself. He said he needed my help with something, but he'd tell me about it in detail after the relay. Except…”

Anger pushes aside some of Haru’s earlier distress. “Why would that idiot _do_ that? Rei, whatever he wants, do _not_ entertain him. Being involved will only put you in danger.”

Nagisa blinks cluelessly. “How, though? Mako-chan and I were involved too, but we’re safe, aren't we? We’re safe as long as we keep the secret.”

Haru bites his tongue. If only they knew, _if only they knew,_ but he has been sworn to a secrecy of his own too.

“That wasn't the only thing he told me,” Rei continues. “He also told me that he quit swimming in middle school not because of his loss to Haruka-senpai, but because he had hit a wall while training in Australia. But after returning to Japan and getting to race Haruka-senpai again, he rediscovered his drive for swimming. When he witnessed our relay at the prefectural tournament, he remembered what it was like, and he wanted to swim in a relay again. That's why he joined Samezuka’s relay team—he wants to give us the best race. 

“But that's not what he _really_ wants. What he wants to swim with you guys again, just like how you all did five years ago.”

“How do you know that?” Haru asks as rises to his feet. He can't believe the last bit—he can't imagine it at all, given how adamant Rin has been about destroying the Bond, let alone Rin _admitting_ that to Rei of all people. 

Rei pauses, a smile with a sad shadow to it spreading on his face. “Because I feel the same way as him. I want to swim in a relay with all of you, the best teammates I could ever ask for. I'm sure you feel the same way too, Haruka-senpai! The race isn't what is important—there’s someone you want to swim with again, right?”

Haru is shocked into silence, like Rei has once again punched him in the gut with a mountain. Somehow, even without a Bond, Rei has voiced his feelings loud and clear. Not without a stab of guilt, he whispers, “I want to swim with Rin again.”

Rei nods, seeming resigned but determined nonetheless. “If you don't do something, Rin-san will quit swimming, and perhaps for real this time. You guys are the only ones who can help him.”

“But… but how can we do that?” Makoto wonders aloud, and Haru and Nagisa nod in pensive agreement.

“How are you guys still not getting it?” Rei demands. “Logically speaking, there is only one solution to all this!”

And just like that, Haru gets it. It’s ridiculous, absurd, unfathomed levels of insane—but Rei is right. The race isn't what's important. The bond he shares with his friends is what really matters at the end of the day.

But for Rei’s sake, because Rei is an irreplaceable part of this team, Haru asks, “Rei, are you sure you're okay with that?”

Rei adjusts his glasses and graces them with a wide, unabashed grin. “Of course! Now let’s go look for him before it’s too late!”

* * *

Following the tugging of the frayed red Bond, Haru leads them out of the stadium, where they find Rin standing in front of the cherry blossom tree. Red eyes that normally burn with unparalleled passion are now vacant, listless, hollow, like they were just forced to watch their entire world be reduced to mere dust around them.

Haru knows what he has to do, and he should have done it a long time ago.

“I have to do this alone.”

“Haru…” Makoto reaches out, as if to take his hand but not quite closing the gap. 

“It’s my fault,” Haru explains, guilt piercing him. “Whatever Rin is going through—I thought it didn't matter if he didn't tell me, so I didn't really bother finding out. Even when I thought I wanted answers, I didn't chase after them like I should have. But the fact that he didn't tell me _is_ the reason why this matters. I have to find out why. Besides…” He pauses, paying close attention to the emotions seeping through the tattered red Bond. “I'm not sure why, but he's putting in _extra_ effort to block you two out.”

Makoto nods, full of unwavering resolve. “Okay, we’ll keep our distance. But stay safe, Haru. And keep Rin safe, too.”

Haru inclines his head. Right now, the biggest threat to Rin is Rin himself.

Leaving the others behind by the stadium entrance, Haru approaches Rin. As Haru draws closer, Rin seems to hear him, and he turns around with his eyes wide before the shock is replaced by a scowl.

“Haru.”

Just hearing Rin say his name in that empty tone pains Haru. “Rin, listen—”

“Why are you here?” Rin growls. His voice is low, unnaturally calm, and that frightens Haru more than his earlier display of uncontrolled rage. “Come to laugh at my pathetic loss? I don't blame you. You saw what happened in the freestyle race. I lost by a fucking _mile._ Tch, pathetic. And I was taken out of the relay too—how could I forget that?”

“Rin—” 

“And the one time it really mattered, I couldn't even save you while I was in Australia."

“ _Australia?_ Rin, what—” 

“The world must think I'm some kind of fucking joke,” Rin rants, Haru’s desperate pleas falling on deaf ears. “Or maybe a toy to kick around when it needs something to entertain itself. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe _I'm_ the one who's just not good enough for anything. Not good enough to swim in a relay, not good enough to save your life. There's no need to pity a sob story like me. Feel free to join in on the laughter! Or if you want to get angry because I couldn't save you from your fate when I had the prime opportunity to, you can do that too.”

Haru’s distress spikes to new but not unfelt-before levels. “Rin, calm down. You're not making any sense. Save me? _Australia?_ There was nothing—”

“Shut up! You don't know what the hell you're talking about.”

“ _You're_ the one who doesn't know what he's talking about. It’s not like you—there wasn't anything you could have—”

And that's when Rin loses it. “I _know_ there was nothing I could've done!”

He lunges towards Haru, his fist drawn back in a punch. Survival reflexes kick in—Haru manages to catch Rin's wrist before it makes contact, but the momentum knocks him flat on his back. They struggle back and forth on the ground to gain the upper hand, which Rin is winning. Desperately, Haru tries to tap into whatever little power he can summon while on dry land, but his powers refuses to come to him.

It’s not his strength, but Haru tries words instead. “Rin!” he shouts, tightening his hold around Rin’s flailing wrist. “You're not making any sense! What do you mean there was nothing you could do? Of course there was nothing—you didn't even know.”

Rin pauses. Tears slide down his face, landing on Haru’s shirt, and he stops struggling to get his wrist out of Haru’s grip. Somehow, this terrifies Haru even more, because the Rin he knows _never_ gives up, not really, nothing can hold him down for long, so why— 

“I know, Haru. I know everything. I know about the bombs planted in me, Makoto and Nagisa. I know GREAT is going to take you away. And I'm sorry I couldn't do anything about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i _did_ say that major bombs were gonna be dropped. my beta was the one who told me to put that in the beginning notes, so it's their fault for the too-soon pun XD
> 
> there won't be an update next week because i'll be overseas and without my laptop. but i'll be back the week after, so there'll be an update 2 weeks from now. thanks for reading!


	10. we are ever blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin grabs Haru’s arm, pulls him closer and whispers, so softly and quickly Haru isn't sure if he hears him correctly.
> 
> “I’ll tell you everything else I know later. First, we have a relay to win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have returned from my trip to Japan, and now i have a newfound appreciation for all the walking the locals have to do to get from one place to another :')) i was completely drained when i first returned, which was why it took a while to get this chapter edited and uploaded. 
> 
> there's no real significance behind the chapter title other than it's a line from season 1's finale song [EVER BLUE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drFbSfxNDFE&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=4&t=0s) and i really like it, and this is also the last chapter covering the events of season 1.

Haru freezes underneath Rin, as does all the blood flowing through him. None of this should be possible. There's no way Rin would know—Haru has kept it all a secret for the past five years, so _how?_

“Know… how much do you know?”

Rin drops his voice to a whisper, as if afraid that Makoto, Nagisa and Rei in front of the stadium will hear him. “I told you, everything. I know in less than two years’ time, you'll be taken to Australia by GREAT, where you'll spend the rest of your life being used as a weapon. And I know about the bombs planted in me, Nagisa and Makoto. I know GREAT is holding our lives over your head to make sure you'll go quietly with them when the time comes.”

“But Rin, _how_ do you—”

“That's not what's important here!” Rin shouts, almost sounding _hysterical._ “What's important is that I could have saved you while I was in Australia, but I couldn't. I fled like a fucking _coward_ —”

“And what could you have done?” Haru retorts. He tightens his grip around Rin’s wrists, and he feels like he's tossing an anchor out to Rin in choppy seas and begging, begging with everything he has, for him to just _take it._ “You were only thirteen. Why the hell—you should've been focusing your full attention on swimming, not on my inevitable fate!”

“I couldn't just give up on you like that. I didn't want a future where we couldn't swim together. I just—I couldn't.”

Haru grits his teeth. The more this idiot spews, the less anything makes sense. “If you want to swim with me that badly, then why did you insist on cutting me off?”

More tears roll down Rin’s face, landing on both their shirts. “Because of the threat. I—I had to take measures. It’s not like I _wanted_ to, but—Haru, my life was being used to blackmail you. GREAT’s using my life to exploit you like some kind of fucking tool. That's why I decided I needed to distance myself from you. To get you to stop caring about me. If you didn't care about me, then my life couldn't be used against you. 

“And… and I thought if I beat you at swimming, I could get you to hate me so our Bond could be severed. You created the Bond ‘cause you—” Rin shifts uncomfortably on Haru’s lower stomach, as if embarrassed. “—loved me, Makoto and Nagisa. I figured if I could get you to hate me, it would destroy our Bond. That would also mean if GREAT were to blow me up from the inside-out, you wouldn't care. And if GREAT couldn't hold my life over you, then you could be free—”

“That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard, and you came up with plenty of stupid plans in elementary school,” Haru says bluntly. “I could _never_ —no matter how much distance you try to put between us, I'm never going to stop caring about you, Makoto or Nagisa. Beating me didn't make me hate you. Nothing can sever our Bond. And hating you—there’s no freedom in that. If _you're_ the one who hates me, I can live with that. But don't _ever_ ask me to hate you.”

“Please, Haru.” Rin’s voice cracks when Haru’s name leaves his lips. “This doesn't have to be so difficult. You could be free if you just—”

“God, you never shut up, do you? I. Don't. Care. You can curse me, hit me, or try to kill me—I won't stop caring about you or Makoto or Nagisa. I don't care about what will happen to me—it’s inevitable. It’s gonna happen no matter how much you try to fight it, so before I sell the rest of my life to them, I want to swim with you again, Rin.”

And that’s the final blow for Rin, destroying the last shreds of idiotic stubbornness he was clinging to. He lowers himself, until his face is pressed into Haru’s chest as if to hide his ugly crying. His pained, broken sobs rack through Haru’s body. Haru doesn't touch him, but he lets him cry—it’s been a difficult day for him.

“Fine,” Rin rasps. “I’ll swim with you. That… that's what I really wanted, after all. But—” He raises himself up to pierce Haru with a stare that nearly burns Haru with its intensity. Haru can practically see Rin's broken determination reforming into something new. “—if you're not going to stop caring about me, then I'm not going to stop fighting for you. I won't ever stop, not until you're finally able to swim free.”

Before Haru gets to point out how futile it is and how Rin shouldn't be wasting his time and energy on something that _will_ happen, Rin spots something beside Haru’s head.

“Wait, that is—Haru, you wrote that, didn't you? It’s your handwriting, right? Then why… why isn't it _‘free’?_ Why didn't you write _‘free’_ like you did in elementary school?”

“There are some things worth sacrificing my freedom for,” Haru says simply. He tilts his head and eyes what has captured Rin’s attention—the long, sweeping strokes of his handwriting in the sand. _For the team._ “But while I still get to enjoy this illusion of freedom… let’s swim together, Rin.”

Rin’s eyes widen, but then his expression falters. “I want—I _really_ want to swim with you guys in a relay again. But it’s too late now.”

Haru sits up, pushing Rin lower down his abdomen with the movement. “It’s not too late. Trust me,” he adds when Rin opens his mouth to argue, “we can make it work. Let’s go, Rin.”

As if on cue, Makoto, Nagisa and Rei dash over from the stadium entrance to them.

“There you guys are!” Makoto exclaims, as if he's spent hours searching for Haru and Rin when they were right there in plain sight.

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa calls. His bright sunny grin is—as always—spread on his face, like he's welcoming Rin back even after all Rin has done to push him away. 

“You guys…” Rin says shakily. He glances at them, then at Haru beneath him, and seems to realise just how they must look to the others. Hastily, he gets up, and Haru follows suit.

“Honestly,” Rei scoffs, sounding like a disappointed teacher who has been kept waiting too long for his student to finally give him the correct answer. “Watching you irritates me so much. If you want to swim, go ahead. No one’s stopping you!”

“Rin, come,” Haru says quietly—so quietly he wonders if Rin even heard him. But Rin turns around, and his reddened eyes widen when he spots the hand Haru is holding out to him. “It’s my turn to show you a sight you've never seen before.”

Rin doesn't reach out to physically take his hand but the glow that envelopes the tattered red-blue bonds, mending them until they're whole and beautiful again, is all Haru needs to see. Haru breathes out a quiet sigh of relief. Finally, _finally,_ everything is back to how it should be—the three pairs of Bonds tinged with blue glowing healthily again.

Haru brushes past Rin to join the rest. Makoto, the ever-reliable captain, leads the team in a mad rush back to the stadium, followed by Nagisa dragging Rei along by his sleeve. Rin’s footsteps resound and grow in volume behind Haru, until Rin himself is by Haru’s side.

Rin grabs Haru’s arm, pulls him closer and whispers, so softly and quickly Haru isn't sure if he hears him correctly.

“I’ll tell you everything else I know later. First, we have a relay to win.”

* * *

Thankfully, the four of them (just barely) make it in time for the men's medley relay. Not wasting any time, they file into one line behind the last empty starting block. Haru adjusts the goggles around his head as Makoto jumps into the pool on the long whistle, Nagisa bends forward with his hands on his knees to watch Makoto and Rin does some final stretching beside Haru. 

Haru glances up and spots Rei, still dressed in his tracksuit unlike the rest of them, joining Amakata-sensei, Gou, her best friend and Coach Sasabe in the stands. Haru can't see Rei’s expression clearly from down here, but guilt nags at him all the same. All because he selfishly wanted to swim with Rin again, Rei has sacrificed the spot he's spent the past three months working his ass off for just so Rin could take it.

As if sensing his feelings (and he probably did, given the Bond), Rin nudges Haru none too gently.

“He made the choice himself,” Rin points out, straight to the point as ever. “I would never have asked to take a spot on your team—considering it’s basically flouting all the rules here—but, eh, we can worry about the consequences later.” He half-grins at Haru, and Haru blinks. It’s been a long time, far too long, since he last saw Rin make any expression close to a genuine smile. “So, Haru, you'll show me a sight I've never seen before? Throwing my words back at me—that’s bold of you.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “It’ll be a better one.”

Rin’s lips stretch into a full grin now. “I’ll hold you to that.”

There’s nothing to say to that. Haru doesn't look up at the stands anymore but instead at Makoto in the pool. His face betrays nothing but pure solid concentration, his muscles wound up and prepared to push his body into the water. This is no time to be feeling guilt; like Rin said, they'll worry about that later, but _now_ he has to focus on making this the best damned relay Rin has ever had.

After the referee’s shout of _“Go!”_ , Makoto pushes off the wall and into the water. His dolphin kick is, as always, bursting with power. It’s more power than necessary, but that is Makoto for you, always pouring two hundred percent of himself into everything he does, whether it’s swimming, meddling into other people’s business or acting like a mother hen to his friends. 

He breaks through the surface at the fifteen-meter mark and begins his strokes. Just like the rest of him, his strokes are powerful and dynamic, effortlessly ripping through the water and delivering him to the other end and back.

Nagisa’s upper body is already moving into the dive in the tiny breath of seconds before Makoto slams his hands against the wall and shouts Nagisa’s name. His entry is smooth, the smoothest Haru has ever seen from him. When he emerges from the surface, his strokes are larger than one would expect from his smaller-than-average body. He’s rough on the technical side of things, but he sails through the pool like a penguin in the ocean near its igloo.

The turn is where Nagisa’s true powers show themselves, probably without him even realising it. From where Haru is standing behind the starting block, he can see Nagisa’s arms stretching out through the resistant currents of the water, longer and further than should be reasonably possible of his size. He carves his way back to the team, where Rin has taken his place on the block. 

Even though they've only swam one official relay together and that was five years ago, Rin syncs up perfectly with Nagisa. Nagisa barely has any time to make contact with the wall and call Rin’s name before Rin is already diving in. He really is cutting it close—a split second earlier and they would've been disqualified on the basis of a false start—but who is Rin if he doesn't take wild risks, be it involving himself in more than he should with crazy hitmen organisations or diving into the pool a hair of a second after Nagisa touches the wall?

The view of Rin in the pool from behind the starting block, as opposed to up in the stands or in the adjacent lane, is nearly the same as the one Haru saw five years ago, but somehow it’s also wholly and dynamically different. His kicks, as powerful as ever, have more refinement and grace to them than Haru would've expected from him. His strokes nearly match his kicks in terms of power, but at the same time it’s not too much unlike Makoto. Everything is perfectly calculated, from the angle of his arms swinging up and down to the height of his head rising above the water to get a gasp of air. Startlingly, Haru realises that perhaps there are more similarities between Rin and Rei than he initially thought.

Rin touches the opposite wall and flips around, and that's Haru’s cue to get ready on the block. He bends down, placing his hands on his knees, and he doesn't watch Rin but the movement of the water around him instead. The water will signal to Haru the precise moment he should dive in. The ripples grow in size the closer Rin approaches, the splashes become louder, and—

_—now._

Haru barely hears Rin calling out his name before he plunges straight into the water, which immediately coalesces around his body to accept him. Unlike Rin or Rei, he doesn't think about the angle of his arms slipping through the water or the strength in the up-down tandem of his kicks. That is not how he interacts with the water. The water is alive, and it wholeheartedly pulls him along its length and depth—he’s just a boy who swims.

No, that's not entirely accurate. He's not just a boy who swims. Rather, he's a boy who swims because his friends swam before him, preparing the water for him. Right now, they're behind him, behind the starting blocks, waiting for him to bring the race home.

_There is nothing to fear in the water._

That's right, because after waiting for five years without even realising it, the green, yellow and red Bonds are once again glowing luminously, all at the same time. Haru can feel everything. Makoto’s feelings burn inside him, filling him with the strength to move forward. Nagisa’s feelings bestow him with wings, allowing him to soar through the water. Rin’s feelings are the wind, pushing him to acceleration.

And Rei’s feelings are the ones that have made all this possible in the first place.

So, for and because of these feelings, Haru swims with everything he has through the ever blue of the pool.

* * *

It feels strange, watching his teammates congregated together by the pool for the relay while he's up in the stands, but nevertheless Rei cheers them on with everything he has. He was the one who made this choice; it was clear from everyone’s initial dumbfounded reactions that none of them considered illegally inviting Rin to swim the relay on _their_ team, and for good reason. Logically, Rei knows they'll get disqualified afterwards, regardless of the results.

But Rei has come to realise that there are some things, like seeing how happy his friends are to swim with their old teammate again, that all the theories in the world simply cannot compare to.

Still, despite all the happiness, loneliness and insecurity claw at his chest. Once more, he's stuck on the outside watching Nagisa, Haruka and Makoto with Rin, even if it _was_ his suggestion in the first place. After all, it’s clear that Rin is leagues better than him in terms of—well, _everything._ He has the technique, finesse and experience of a seasoned butterfly swimmer who has spent his whole life conditioning his body and mind for this. Not only that, but the bond (and not just the Bond) he has with the others obviously runs deeper than anything Rei can imagine—it's telling from the perfect timing of Rin’s dive when Nagisa makes contact with the wall. They had no prior practise in their five years of separation, but they sync up like they've been swimming a relay together their whole lives.

And Rei is just the upstart rookie who wasn't even interested in swimming to begin with, until the force of nature named Hazuki Nagisa swept through his life and flipped everything he knew upside-down.

Someone tugs at his sleeve. Surprised, Rei turns and spots Gou peering up at him with that knowing look.

“Rei-kun, you and Onii-chan aren't mutually exclusive, you know?" she says, almost sounding like she is _scolding_ him. "There's plenty of room in Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun’s hearts for the _both_ of you, Bond or no Bond.”

To say that Rei is astonished would be a gross understatement. “Gou-san, _you_ knew too?”

Gou just smiles mysteriously. “I'm a Matsuoka. I'm good at finding things out.”

Of course she is.

Even though he knows it’s rude, Rei is too embarrassed to make eye contact, so he averts his gaze and shoves his glasses up the bridge of his nose instead. “I knew that perfectly well. Logically speaking, there's only one of me and one of Rin-san, and we’re both different people with our own personalities and strengths and weaknesses, so of course there's no way he could replace me or vice versa! _GYA-HA-HA-HA!_ "

(He admits he _might_ have overdone the exaggerated, hammy laughter, if the strange looks the other spectators give him are anything to go by.)

It’s only when Gou turns back to watch the relay, a smile tugging at her lips, that the real meaning of his own words sink into him. It… it really was that simple all along, wasn't it? No matter the others’ history, what matters is the present moment, and the fact of the matter is that Rei is an integral part of their team in the present, regardless of whether he is by the pool with them or up here in the stands.

That really is the only logical answer.

* * *

“Haru!”

“Haru-chan!”

The shouts of his name combined with the burning feelings in the Bond propel Haru forward through the currents, past all the other freestyle swimmers and back to his team. He breaks through the surface for a gulp of air, tears his cap and goggles of his head and glances up, to Makoto holding his hand out and Nagisa’s eyes reddening with emotion.

“Haru-chan, _Haru-chan!"_ Nagisa wails, his voice wobbling.

Makoto graces his sobbing with a laugh. “C’mon, Nagisa, don't cry.” 

Like he's one to talk, though, considering how the corners of his eyes are tinged red too. A small smile blooms on Haru’s face. This sight—it’s not unlike the one he saw five years ago, but now it fills him with more warmth than it did that time.

_I'm glad they're the ones I get to swim with._

Haru grabs Makoto’s hand, allowing himself to be pulled out. This is nice. Even though he's strong enough to haul himself out of the pool on his own with the water helping him out with a sweet and lilting _See you next time,_ having Makoto there in front of him with his hand held out is nice. Reassuring, even, that for the time being things don't have to change.

He barely has any time to re-orientate himself to being on solid ground again before an unfamiliar weight tosses itself on him. It’s heavier than Nagisa the usual culprit, and Makoto doesn't _fling_ himself at Haru but rather brings Haru close to him in a gentle but firm embrace. 

Red hair still dripping with water tickles his face. Rin. Droplets of water that Haru just _knows_ is not pool water soaks his already-wet shoulder even more. Oh god, hasn't Rin cried enough today? Though Haru figures he should not underestimate notorious crybabies’ ability to bust out the waterworks regardless of how much they've already cried that day.

Before he can react, Nagisa and Makoto toss themselves at him too. If it weren't for their arms bringing him close to them, he might have toppled backwards under their combined weight.

“Oi,” Haru wheezes without much actual force behind it.

“Haru,” Rin sobs, tightening his arms around Haru’s shoulders. “You showed me the greatest sight I could've asked for!”

The tiny bundle of annoyance that welled up in Haru softens. At least this time, he has managed to keep one promise. “Yeah. Told you."

The other three pull away, but their arms remain around each other, keeping them locked in a circle that's so different yet so familiar. It's like despite everything they have gone through the past three months, they’ve never changed, not really. The bright and glowing Bond in their hearts is proof of that. 

“Makoto, Nagisa,” Rin says. “You guys… you really… god, I really can't say how sorry I am. I was a downright asshole to you guys.”

“Don't worry about it,” Makoto replies, forgiving as ever. “The fact that we got to swim together again is enough.”

“Yeah, you're back with us and that's what matters!” Nagisa adds. “It’s been too long, Rin-rin!”

Instead of taking offense at his old nickname, Rin just bursts into another peal of tearful laughter.

Haru doesn't catch the rest of what they say, as it’s all drowned out by their sobbing and laughter. He listens to the cacophony of sounds anyway. A soft smile fixes itself on his face and refuses to leave.

He knows he won't always get to enjoy this sight with the ones he's lucky to call his friends. He knows in less than two years’ time, everything will change and he’ll have to walk away from all of this, leaving behind footprints in the sandy shores of a beach he can never return to.

But the present is still a miracle in and of itself, so while he still has it, he treasures it close to his heart.

* * *

Aiichirou has no words to say when Matsuoka-senpai bows at a perfect perpendicular angle in front of Captain Mikoshiba and all the curious yet apprehensive watches of the rest of the team.

“I'm very sorry!” Rin announces. “I will take responsibility for my actions. Please kick me off the team.”

“Matsuoka-senpai,” Aiichirou murmurs, because that's all he can say when other words have failed him.

Captain Mikoshiba doesn't say a word, and a silent Captain is far more unsettling than one who's yelling at his underclassmen for slacking off, for being late, for not bringing out the correct equipment during physical training.

“Nitori,” Matsuoka-senpai adds, rising back up to his full height to look at Aiichirou, “sorry for yelling at you.”

Aiichirou flinches. Never in his wildest, worst case scenarios would he have guessed that one day Matsuoka-senpai would be _apologising_ to him. While he would be lying if he said Matsuoka-senpai’s display of rage earlier that afternoon didn't scare him, he knew he didn't actually mean any of it. He may not admit it or act like it all the time, but Matsuoka-senpai is a lot kinder than he looks. 

“Please don't worry about that!" Aiichirou rushes to reassure him. "Besides, we can't kick you off the team—”

“I won't accept that!” Captain Mikoshiba bellows, causing Aiichirou who's standing right behind him to flinch again. “I have a better way for you to take responsibility for your actions, Matsuoka.”

The fear of God momentarily passes over Matsuoka-senpai’s face. Everyone knows how… intense and _eccentric_ Captain can be with his harebrained schemes. However, surprising Aiichirou, the fear vanishes from Matsuoka-senpai's face just as quickly as it had appeared, replaced by grim acceptance.

"Yes, Captain?" 

“Swim the way you did just now for our team.”

This time, the wonder at God passes over Matsuoka-senpai’s face. All he manages to choke out is a hushed “Captain…” before Captain Mikoshiba turns around and ushers the team back to the bus.

Aiichirou lingers at the back of the crew with Matsuoka-senpai, who is still wearing that expression like he has just been given a second chance at life after watching it nearly slip right through his fingers.

“Nitori. No, er…” Matsuoka-senpai pauses awkwardly. He rubs the back of his neck and glances aside at the bushes instead, like they'll give him an answer to a question only he knows. “Ai.”

Eh? In all sixteen years of his life, only a small handful of people have called Aiichirou by his given name, let alone by a _nickname._ And coming from _Matsuoka-senpai_ of all people—who's strictly on family name basis with the entire team, even though teammates in the same year tend to be less formal with each other—Aiichirou has to resist the urge to pinch himself. He just watched Matsuoka-senpai hit rock bottom and then soar to the mountain’s zenith within the span of one afternoon, and he has to wonder if this is a surreal dream or if he is in some kind of teen drama.

“Y—yes?” he squeaks.

“Practice with me again, starting tomorrow.”

All at once, delight floods Aiichirou’s senses. _He’s not quitting swimming after all, and he's going to continue training hard, and I get to practise with him and learn even more from him!_

To a request like that, there is no more appropriate response than a simple “Yes, Rin-senpai!”, even if Aiichirou is giddily over the moon.

Rin-senpai lightly cuffs the side of Aiichirou's head. “What are you looking at me with that sappy grin for?” 

“Nothing, Rin-senpai!”

* * *

To no one's surprise, they get disqualified from the relay and their victory voided. The four of them know they have plenty of people to apologise to for their crazy stunt, so they start with their coach and teacher, who worked hard to bring them all the way to regionals only for them to toss it aside just so they could swim with Rin again (it was worth it, though, Haru stubbornly believes even as he bows in apology). When they return to school, they prostrate themselves on the floor in front of the principal who, surprisingly, takes it all in stride. They get off with a punishment no more severe than a stern warning not to do something like that and embarrass their school’s name again. 

After that, they take the train down to Samezuka to apologise to the captain and faculty advisor of their swim team. Rin hangs behind his advisor, looking sheepish. Fortunately, the two accept the apology without a fuss, so Haru figures Rin had to bear the full brunt of the punishment. Yet, if Rin is still standing by the pool and wearing the Samezuka team jacket, then it couldn't have been too bad.

With their business wrapped up and the captain and teacher heading off in their respective directions, Haru is ready to head back home and grill some mackerel for himself when Rin grabs his arm.

“Oi, did you already forget that I promised to tell you something?” Rin hisses.

Haru ignores Makoto, Nagisa and Rei’s curious stares. “Does it have to be now?” he grumbles. “I'm tired.”

“It won't take—actually, on second thought, it might take a while. It’s a long story. But our schools aren't near each other, so when’s the next time we’ll get to see each other again?”

Haru figures Rin will find a way to pester/blackmail/bully him into staying, so he tells the others to head back first before reluctantly following Rin to his dorm. 

On their way there, they stop by a vending machine and Rin tosses a can of soda to Haru, claiming it’s on him. Haru thinks it’s just a bribe to get him to stay. Well, it’s not mackerel (and why _isn't_ there mackerel-flavoured soda, honestly?) but he takes it, if only to get this over and done with faster.

“Ai,” Rin says, bursting through the door. 

The grey-haired underclassman peeks over the edge of his bunk. “Yes, Rin-senpai? Oh.” His eyes widen when he spots Haru lingering behind Rin. “Good evening, Nanase-san. Rin-senpai, I'm not sure if we’re allowed to have visitors at this time.”

“I’ll take full responsibility if we get caught,” Rin says briskly. Haru wonders how. He doesn't put it past Rin to pretend he kidnapped him and threatened his roommate into silence. “Just let us have the dorm for, like, half an hour, tops. I’ll take you to your favourite ramen place this Saturday after training—my treat for practising with me.”

Rin’s roommate glances at the two of them, his eyebrows raising higher. “Um, okay…” 

He clambers down the ladder with no further questions and squeezes past them into the hallway, leaving Haru behind with Rin.

Rin shuts the door behind them, crosses the room to his bed and pats the spot beside him. Haru eyes him warily while still standing in front of the door. Even if Rin's kouhai is about Nagisa's size, the room suddenly feels a lot bigger now with his departure. 

Rin sighs and rolls his eyes. “I'm not gonna jump you or anything, idiot. Just sit your ass down or so help me, I’ll drag it here myself.”

The idea of Rin anywhere near his ass is an unpleasant one, so with great reluctance Haru takes the offered spot beside Rin. Rin doesn't say a word, but silence has never bothered Haru; even hotheaded idiots need time to think and find words, he supposes. 

Instead, he glances around the dorm. He had never been over to Rin’s home while Rin was still living in Iwatobi, so this dorm is as good an idea he’ll ever get about Rin’s living habits. Simply put, one half of the room is tidy and minimalistic. The desk on the right side is free of clutter; the stationery on it is neatly arranged in clear cases and mugs with sharks emblazoned proudly on the walls. It is certainly a little tidier than Makoto’s desk—which isn't _messy_ by any definition but is still covered in random nonsensical items, like movie tickets from three years ago and knick-knacks from a trip to Osaka before the twins were conceived, because Makoto is a hoarder—but it’s also lacking photos or anything personal. Haru can easily visualise the framed photos on Makoto’s desk, down to the colour and design of the frames.

The other half of the dorm is pretty much the textbook definition of _chaotic._ Papers spill from the left-most desk onto the floor, as do other items like empty pill boxes, crumpled post-it notes and a suspiciously innocuous-looking grey box. A pile of clothes—mostly the all-white Samezuka uniform and swim jammers—sit rotting in front of a closet, and pink magazines of questionable content peek out from under the aforementioned pile. While Haru doesn't consider himself a neat freak, per se, the clutter is making him twitch uncomfortably. He doesn't see how Rin or his roommate can move freely amidst all this mess. 

“Sorry about this shit-storm of a dorm,” Rin groans. “It’s all Ai’s, I swear. Honestly, that guy. I _thought_ I told him to throw away his umbilical cord. Why the hell is it still here?”

Haru thinks there is probably a handful of worse and weirder things to keep in your dorm than your umbilical cord—and that hand is probably the size of a toddler's—but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he fixes Rin with a pointed look. 

“Yeah, I know.” Rin runs a hand down his face. “Honestly, there's so much I want to tell you, I don't even know where to begin.”

“How about the part where you found out about everything?” 

Rin nods. “Okay. You remember that time Makoto, Nagisa and I went over to your place after practice ‘cause Nagisa wanted to try mackerel and I was gonna prove to you that I could eat more mackerel than you, even though I didn't even like mackerel?”

“I won,” Haru reminds him. “Mackerel only favours those who like it.”

“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I was still curious about what we overheard your grandparents talking about after they had rescued us from the lab, so I snuck into their room. I took a peek in the drawers and found the files your grandpa had on GREAT. He probably swiped them from the remains of the lab before he chased those bastard scientists out of the country.”

Haru sighs, not sure what he was expecting. Rin has no concept of privacy whatsoever and it really shows. And not to mention, the drawers—what an obvious and clichéd place to hide important documents. Then again, Haru is not a busybody unlike a certain redhead with shark teeth, and his grandparents probably didn't count on Rin snooping through their personal belongings to satiate his voracious nosiness. (They should have, though, because Haru had the greatest misfortune of associating with Rin if for no other reason.)

Rin’s eyes narrow. “Why do I get a feeling that you're dissing me in your head?”

“If you're not gonna talk then I'm leaving," Haru snaps, about to get up. 

Rin’s hand shoots out to clamp around Haru’s wrist. “ _As I was saying,_ I took a look at the files because I was curious. According to what was written, your powers weren't at their max. In fact, they're not at their max even now. I doubt you know this, but your parents and the other bastard scientists engineered something in you to put, like, a ‘cap’ on your abilities. It hurts you to activate your powers, doesn't it?" When Haru nods, Rin continues, "That's possibly ‘cause of that ‘cap’. But the files weren't clear about whether it's on a cellular level or if there's some device built inside your body causing all this.”

Well, that explains a lot, Haru thinks. It would be annoying if GREAT doesn't remove this limitation even after he hands himself over to them. If he will have to suffer through all that pain every time he's sent out on a mission, he would honestly rather die.

“Also, I'm pretty sure you were supposed to be able to shapeshift into aquatic animals,” Rin adds. “Ambitious, right? On top of making you a mermaid, or merman, they wanted you to be able to transform into, like, dolphins and whatnot on command. But they didn't get a chance to finish engineering that ability in you before we happened.”

“So I'm stuck halfway at being able to communicate with them.”

Rin blinks. “Wait, what?”

“I communicated with dolphins before,” Haru explains impatiently. “It was a surprise, but at least they saved me and Makoto from drowning during our training camp.”

“What the— _you_ of all people nearly drowned? How the fuck is that even—”

“That's in the past now. We don't have time for that story right now.” Haru pauses, and he considers the implications of being able to shapeshift into aquatic animals, and the time he forcibly spliced some of his powers into his friends. “Then that's where you got your shapeshifting from.”

Rin nods. “From what I figured, yeah. Though the gene probably mutated somewhere, so that's why I shapeshift into humans instead of animals.”

Subconsciously, Haru rubs his arms, feeling a chill rack through his body. He remembers that agent from GREAT visiting him after the training camp—as well as GREAT’s previous annual visits—to check on his condition and powers. He remembers the agents muttering to themselves during each check-up about “wasted potential” and “no room left to improve” and “we just have to let the powers develop naturally”. The mere memory of the tests conducted makes him want to throw up, the same way he spent the entire night beside his toilet bowl, weak and shivering and pathetic. 

Worse still was not being able to tell Makoto about all that. As meddlesome as Haru often found (and still finds) Makoto, it pained Haru to have to hide things from him, when they share everything else freely and openly with one another. 

But this—Makoto can't know any of this. The bomb inside his body is the tape sealing Haru's lips shut. 

A hand waving in front of his face snaps Haru out of his brooding.

“Yo, what's wrong with you?” Rin asks. “You kinda spaced out there for a moment.”

“I'm fine,” Haru mutters, dropping his hands back down onto the bed. “Were you telling me something?”

Rin shrugs. “Was just wondering out loud. Now that I'm thinking about it, why _didn't_ GREAT set up a new branch in Japan? I mean, I'm glad they didn't, obviously, but it seemed like the logical thing to do to keep track of their one subject.”

Haru is surprised Rin doesn't know the answer to this. He's under the impression that Rin waltzed through GREAT’s facilities in Sydney, like some prancing dumbass wearing a _KILL ME_ sign over his head, and threatened them at fang-point to give him all the answers he wanted or _else._

“Oi, I'm still getting the vibe that you're dissing me in your head. Say it to my face, asshole.”

Haru doesn't bother dignifying that with an answer. “They decided any more experimenting would be wasted on me. It wouldn't make any difference in my abilities, since they had already conducted the bulk of the necessary experiments when I was younger.”

“Oh, ‘cause your body still hadn't gone through puberty?” Rin suggests, his eyes lighting up like his one dusty brain cell has finally caught on. “That makes sense. As a kid, your body was still plastic enough for the crazy scientists to mould into whatever the fuck they wanted. But once you hit puberty, the experiments probably would've gotten complicated—not entirely impossible, but too complex to invest all the effort when they could just let your powers develop slowly but naturally until full maturation at nineteen.”

Yeah, that's pretty much what Haru has figured. None of it matters to him—the progress of his powers’ development or whatever—since they're not really for _his_ use. He's just a weapon for GREAT to wield when the time comes, so any business related to his powers is all of GREAT’s responsibility and none of his. Good. Haru doesn't like responsibility.

“Also,” Rin continues. He shifts into a more comfortable position, his hands clasped behind his head on the pillow and one leg crossed over the other, “as you might have guessed, I got involved with GREAT while I was in Australia.”

“Why would you do that?” If Haru were anyone else, he would sound like he's demanding. “That's stupid. You were only thirteen—a thirteen-year-old idiot, at that. You could've been killed.” A sudden horrifying thought occurs to Haru. “Is… is that why you wanted to go abroad to Australia? You said it was for swimming, but—”

“No, it _was_ for swimming. I had already enrolled in the school there before we even met. But it was quite a coincidence that GREAT had its headquarters in Sydney, where I just so happened to be staying.”

“But still. It was stupid and dangerous. How are you even alive?”

Rin grins wryly. “Shapeshifting. My favourite disguise was the guards. I would sneak up on them and bite them, then wait till they lost enough blood to pass out before dragging them away and disguising myself as them. My disguise changed each time 'cause those fuckers lost their jobs after each infiltration.” He doesn't sound particularly apologetic. “I was really lucky, though, that of all the powers I could've gotten in your superpower-roulette, I got the one that could disguise my appearance. I wanted to save you from GREAT, but I couldn't risk them coming after my mother and sister. I really struck gold with this power.

“Oh, by the way,” he adds casually, “I met your grandpa there, too.”

Haru can feel his eyes go wide, never mind how terrible that segue was. “No way. Australia—it’s huge. And he never mentioned seeing you in his letters.” In the few letters he sent, anyway. Nanase Hayate is a man who doesn't like using words if he can help it.

“Yeah, we made an agreement not to tell anyone else that we met in Australia. But I think it’s fine if I tell you, since this is about you and you're his grandson. He saved my neck in Sydney when I tried to infiltrate the base on my own. Let me tell you, that old guy was a hell lot stronger than I had initially given him credit for. He literally picked me up by the scruff of my collar and brought me back to his apartment before I got myself killed.”

“And he let you stay involved?” Haru demands incredulously. His grandpa used to be in the special forces—surely he knew better than to let a teenaged idiot meddle in shady organisations’ affairs. 

Rin shrugs. “He figured I’d try taking GREAT on by myself regardless of what he did, so he insisted we worked together. And I figured having someone who used to work in the special forces on my side would be good. We infiltrated the base multiple times to steal info. We barely escaped by the skin of our teeth a couple of those times, but the info we obtained was worth the risk. Oh, Haru, that reminds me.”

Haru does not like the way Rin said his name. He eyes him cautiously. “… What?”

“Did you know you have a genetic sample of Japanese Flash?”

Haru blinks, now puzzled. “The what now?”

“The genetic sample of—”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time, but _who_ in hell is _Japanese Flash?_ ”

Rin stares at Haru, his turn to be incredulous. “Haru, I know you pretty much live under a rock when it doesn't concern swimming or mackerel, but how the hell do you not know about the urban legend of Japanese Flash? Which is totally real, by the way. I did my research.”

Haru nearly snorts. “Where? On the dark web?”

“Oi, don't go around stealing my thunder. I was just about to say that and make it sound cooler than you did.”

(The scary part is that Haru can just _tell_ that Rin is one hundred percent serious about the dark web.)

"Why don't you enlighten me since I'm so obviously in the dark?" Haru snaps, annoyed. 

Rin rolls his eyes. "Fine. Japanese Flash is a genetically-engineered speedster from another organisation in Sendai called Project Super. I know, these shady superpower-obsessed organisations have awfully lame names straight out of comic books but that's not the important part. The thing is, Japanese Flash was probably kept in the lab for their whole life, since they only managed to escape, like, really recently. I'm talking about five months ago. Rumours around Miyagi say that people have seen a bright white flash—hence the nickname—zipping through the countryside, though no one knows where exactly Japanese Flash is or who they are.”

If anything, Haru is relieved that at least _his_ identity is a secret and not the stuff of inane urban legends. “Okay, but how’s this related to me?”

“Like I told you earlier, you have a genetic sample from this Flash person. I'm not sure about the nitty-gritty details, but GREAT probably paid a shit ton of money to Project Super to have a sample of their prized speedster’s genes. That's why your speed underwater is unnaturally fast, even more so than usual, when you go into your mermaid form.”

Haru glares at him. “Don't call it that. It sounds stupid coming from you.”

“ _That's_ what you care about?” Rin snaps, sounding exasperated. “Is me calling it your mermaid form really all that—”

“Rin.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever. At any rate, I don't think this Japanese Flash person is someone we need to worry about. Whoever they are, they seem to be keeping to the down-low. As long as we don't draw any attention to ourselves, we’ll be fine and we won't ever have to meet them.”

There's something oddly reassuring about how Rin says _we_ instead of _you_ , even though Haru is the one who's going to be sold off to GREAT the moment he graduates from high school. It’s almost like he isn't alone in this.

“I learned other things, too, besides for your possible half-siblings,” Rin carries on. Now done with his soda, he idly traces his finger down the side of the can, gathering the drops of condensation on his fingertips. “Like stuff about the Bond. The scientists had already theorised it was possible for you to form an Empathy Bond with people you were close to, long before it was actually formed, which was one reason why they tricked and kidnapped me, Nagisa and Makoto that day. Your parents knew we were, like, your only friends so they wanted to test their theory.”

Haru places his still nearly-full can on the floor. He feels like he's about to be sick, and he wonders how fast he’d be able to run out to the nearest bathroom if he can't hold it back in. 

So it was his friendship with Rin, Makoto and Nagisa that caused them to undergo all that pain five years ago? All because of him, they were tortured at the hands of GREAT—and _also_ because of him, they now have their lives one push of a button away from literally blowing up. It’s his fault; it’s all his damned fault, as it always it. Maybe some people don't deserve friends. 

Rin sits up and casts a concerned look at him. All pretense at acting gruff vanishes. “Hey, you okay? If this is too much for you, I can stop here—”

“No,” Haru says with more ferocity than intended. “Tell me everything you know. You said that was one reason. That means there were others, right?”

Rin still looks concerned, but he answers Haru anyway. “Yeah. The second reason was to test if emotions really activated your powers too. And the last one—you know GREAT made an agreement with your parents not to whisk you away until you graduated from high school, right?”

Haru refuses to grace that stupid question with an obvious answer.

Rin continues, as if not needing one. “Well, it was more of a contingency plan than anything else, but they had already planned on planting the bombs in us to hold our lives against you, to guarantee that they _would_ have your total obedience.”

“Wonder why they couldn't just get me to sign a contract,” Haru deadpans. He picks his can up to take another sip. The carbonated bubbles fizz dully on his tongue. “Seems like a lot of trouble to go through just to make sure they get their hands on one superhuman.”

“Contracts signed by minors aren't legally binding. Planting bombs in minors to get another minor to submit to being exploited for the rest of their lives isn't very legal either, but what the fuck do I know about stupid hitmen organisations?"

That's fair enough. Haru doesn't, either. 

Rin’s fingers tighten around the can, until crescent-shaped indentations in the metal start to form. “I thought—I really thought I could save you if I destroyed the Bond,” he admits. His voice is the quietest Haru has ever heard it. “That's partly the reason why I joined the relay. I thought I could destroy all the Bonds at once if I defeated you guys.”

“Your plan was a stupid one from the start. None of us could ever hate you, even if you were a real prick.”

Rin smiles sadly. “Yeah, I found out the hard way. Even when I acted like a complete douche to Makoto and Nagisa after I beat you in the freestyle race, they didn't hold anything against me. They still don't. They were just—happy. I felt nothing but happiness from you guys during the relay, even after I spent the past three months pushing you guys away.” He sighs and lies back down on the bed. “Guess it really was dumb. And, not to mention, ironic. My whole reason for wanting to save you was ‘cause I wanted to continue swimming with you. But no matter the outcome, we would never have gotten to swim together again. If I failed, GREAT would take you away. If I succeeded, you'd hate me and so you would never want to swim with me again. Guess I was so caught up in everything that I lost sight of my purpose halfway.

“And… I guess the other part of the reason why I joined Samezuka’s relay team—I just really missed swimming with you guys.” Rin’s cheeks are dusted with a faint shade of pink. “Oi, don't look at me like that, all patronising and shit. I'm serious. Those years in Australia—when I hit that slump and gave up, and when I was fighting against GREAT… those were some of the loneliest years of my life. I worked with your grandpa to try and take down GREAT, but even then he wasn't a _friend_ the way you guys were.” He clears his throat uncomfortably. “Still are, I mean.”

Haru glances down at his soda. Unsure of how to respond to the sappy part about friendship, he instead asks, “What about my grandpa? Is he okay?”

“He seemed fine in the letters he sent me. He vanished off the radar for a while after I fled Australia—oh yeah, shit went down. Like, _crazy_ shit March last year.” Rin’s eyes darken, as if haunted. “I barely escaped with my own life. But… Haru, your grandma—”

“I know,” Haru says stiffly. When Rin’s eyebrows raise, he amends, “I know she's dead, but I don't know why or how. The person on the other might’ve explained, but I… I just couldn't. I couldn't bear to hear the rest of it.”

He doesn't even realise he's shaking until Rin awkwardly pats his shoulder, and if it weren't the old wound reopening once more, he would roll his eyes at how different Rin’s idea of comforting is from Makoto’s.

“I'm sorry,” Rin whispers, his voice hoarse. “It was my fault. Your grandpa and I—we were backed into a corner and surrounded. GREAT had been on his tail for a while, and when they finally caught him I was there with him too. I was—powerless. So powerless, Haru. I was disguised as a security guard, so I couldn't activate my fangs, or I could've just fucking ripped through those guards like nothing. And then, from _nowhere,_ she appeared. The old man probably asked her for help. Or maybe she decided to fly out to Australia on her own. I don't know. She managed to gun down at least half the bastards pursuing us, but a sniper…”

His voice breaks and falters. Haru doesn't need to hear anymore. His skin tingles unpleasantly at the memory of his grief; a reminder of the scales that tore through his skin when he tried drowning his pain in the ocean, and how he forced Makoto to face his greatest fear. For him. For Haru. Because he was selfish, useless and, above all, _weak._

It’s no one else’s fault but his for getting them all involved.

“Rin. It’s not your fault. It was GREAT who killed her. The sniper was GREAT, not you.”

Rin launches himself at Haru and grabs the front of his shirt. This close, Haru can see the redness tinging the corners of his eyes. “Haru, you weren't there—it was—”

“You couldn't have done anything about my grandma, but—” Haru prises Rin’s hands off his shirt and forces him to lie back down. “—you know what you _can_ do? Keep Rei out of this.”

Unfortunately, Rin never sees reason in the best situations and refuses to back down in the worst. “Listen, I know it’s risky, but I think Rei can really—”

“ _No,_ ” Haru says fiercely. “It’s bad enough already that you, Makoto and Nagisa are involved. I'm _not_ putting Rei in any kind of danger. I don't care. I've already accepted my fate.”

“That doesn't mean _I_ have to!” Rin yells, and Haru freezes. That tone—is Rin going to revert back to the way he was before the relay?

But then Rin takes a deep breath, and his voice comes out more evenly this time. “Haru, did you honestly think I was just fucking around when I told you I wouldn't stop fighting for your freedom? Just because breaking the Bond didn't work doesn't mean I’ll just give up on you.”

Haru sighs, irritated. “Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?”

“Nope. I'm not doing this for your sake alone. I'm selfish—I need you too. Being in the same pool as you fires me up. I swim at my best when you're there with me, and I can't let GREAT take that away from me.”

“You don't own me, Rin,” Haru points out, rolling his eyes. 

“And neither does GREAT.”

Haru figures trying to explain that GREAT, in fact, does own him would just get him nowhere with Rin and Rin’s single dusty brain cell, so he settles for shooting him a glare.

Rin either doesn't notice it or he's ignoring Haru. The idiot checks his watch and announces, “I’ve told you everything I know. Also, Ai should be back anytime soon. Let’s get you out of here before security whoops our asses.”

“It’s your fault for bringing me here in the first place," Haru grumbles. 

Rin just grins at him, shark-like as always. “Don't worry, I’ll take responsibility if anything happens.”

* * *

As tiring as being in Rin’s company was, Haru can't bear to be alone right now. The thought of going back to an empty house to be alone with his thoughts makes his stomach twist in tight knots.

Hence, he goes to the other place he can practically call home at this point.

“Haru!” Makoto exclaims, swinging the door open, but his eyebrows furrow together in concern when he takes in Haru’s appearance. “Haru, are you okay?”

Haru doesn't know what to say, so he just collapses against Makoto. He breathes in deeply. Makoto must have just taken a shower, and from the smell of it, he probably used Ran’s strawberry-scented shampoo. Haru never knew strawberries could smell so much like comfort and safety, but he finds himself desperately taking it all in with huge gulps, like he's been deprived of air and Makoto for far too long. After all, Makoto is the steady anchor in all the turbulent, violent, treacherous waters in Haru’s life. Not for the first time, Haru wishes he will never have to let go.

Makoto’s arm wraps securely around Haru’s waist—never too tight but always snug—and his other hand strokes Haru’s hair in a familiar, soothing rhythm. “What did Rin want?”

Haru places his arms around Makoto’s broad shoulders and presses his face harder into Makoto’s neck. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“You know I’ll always worry about you, Haru,” Makoto chuckles. The sound sends gentle vibrations through Haru, and it’s embarrassing to admit he tightens his hold around Makoto. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

Haru’s heart clenches. Those words—he knows they're meant with the utmost sincere care, but all they do is break him even more. 

With his mouth just inches below Makoto’s ear, he could whisper the truth to him. All he would have to do is lift his head up. Makoto’s family wouldn't even hear it.

But he can't. He doesn't know where it is, but he knows the bomb is alive and simply dormant in Makoto. He can't risk it; he can't risk the person who means the universe to him.

He keeps quiet. It’s all he can do. 

And as always, Makoto is an expert at filling those silent gaps in conversation. He tilts his head, his lips brushing Haru’s ear. “I love you, Haru-chan. I hope you know that you mean everything to me.”

Haru can't even find it in himself to tell Makoto off for the ‘chan’. He just lets out a noncommittal grunt into the hard, muscled expanse of Makoto’s shoulder.

One day, Haru will find the right words to express his truest, deepest feelings for Makoto to him. One day, he will find the perfect moment, where his voice will find the words and articulate them the exact same way he feels them.

But today, after the whirlwind of emotions he has had to endure today, words are far out of reach. His voice is exhausted. He can't speak anymore even if he tried. 

Instead, he finds Makoto’s hand. He gives it three squeezes, long and meaningful, to draw out the unspoken words as long as possible.

_I love you so fucking much, you can't even begin to understand._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact 1: Japanese Flash is a character from the other story in this series ['the bravest thing i ever did was run'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18584545/chapters/44056807) which is a _run with the wind_ canon-divergence fic similar to this one. no knowledge of that story is necessary to enjoy this fic, because Japanese Flash won't be making an actual appearance in this story, but if you've watched/read _run with the wind_ , you might enjoy it!
> 
> fun fact 2: the part during the relay race where haru's narration was like _"Makoto’s feelings burn inside him, filling him with the strength to move forward. Nagisa’s feelings bestow him with wings, allowing him to soar through the water. Rin’s feelings are the wind, pushing him to acceleration."_ was an intentional parallel to haru's part in their elementary school relay race in the original _high speed!_ novel. the translation of the race can be read [here](https://nanowave.wordpress.com/2014/12/26/high-speed-chapter-7-race/)! the translation of the entire novel can be read [here](https://janeypeixes.tumblr.com/post/57716612938/high-speed-translation-masterpost) .
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter! thanks for reading!
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	11. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my beta called this the "everyone's gay for haru chapter" so make of that what you will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't strictly a _chapter_ -chapter, but i wrote this for 3 reasons:
> 
> a. to give some focus to other characters who up to now haven't gotten as much attention as haru and rin, including one surprise character at the end.
> 
> b. to see what the cast from _starting days_ and _dive to the future_ are up to, and how haru being a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid has affected them and their relationship with him in this reiteration of canon. also bc i love most of that cast and i really wanna write them, even though they won't appear elsewhere in this story.
> 
> c. to make the transition from the events of season 1 to _eternal summer_ smoother, so there's a feeling of "time passing by" between the previous chapter and the next. this chapter also foreshadows future events and sets up character arcs, so don't skip this 👀
> 
> because each section focuses on different sets of characters with different narratives, there's no excerpt from the chapter that can act as the summary. enjoy :D

“Come on, guys, don't cry!” Shiina Asahi exclaims, his hands on his hips. “Making it to regionals at all is an incredible feat, considering that we only started this year. You should be proud of yourselves!”

“The only events we qualified for were the medley relay and Asahi-senpai’s 50-meter butterfly,” Minato, first-year breastroke specialist, mumbles through his tears. “I didn't even make it past the prelims in the prefectural tournament in the 100-meter breastroke.”

“Now, Minato, the big powerhouse schools may have the _bondage_ of indoor pools and other awesome facilities, but with spirit and hard work, we can beat them and go further next year. All we can do is keep our chins up and feet grounded. Don't let the currents of today’s loss sweep you away from tomorrow’s opportunities!”

“Asahi-senpai, I think you meant _advantage,_ not bondage,” Yuu, jack-of-all-trades first-year and anchor of their relay team, points out.

“Oh crap, I got them mixed up again,” Asahi groans, smacking his forehead. If it's not _bondage,_ then it's _voltage_ he confuses with _advantage._ He can still hear Ikuya snidely correcting him whenever he got the two words muddled while trying to give his middle school relay crew a pep talk. But his heart sinks, not having forgotten Ikuya—and, more specifically, how he had to up and leave Iwatobi without any warning before the start of a new illustrious second year together. 

The three first-years exchange hesitant glances, as if unsure if they’re allowed to laugh at their captain’s constant mixing up of two arguably similar-sounding English words (they really are, okay?!).

Asahi decides to save himself any more potential embarrassment and dismisses his tiny, motley team of four members including himself as the only second-year. He's about to hit the showers too, when his phone starts playing some bubblegum J-pop song he only knows because it’s one of his closest friend’s favourite songs. 

“Yo, Kisumi,” he greets, a grin stretching effortlessly across his face. 

“Yahho, Asahi!” Kisumi’s familiar lilting voice sings. It has deepened from his days of trying to trick Asahi into joining the basketball team and offering his lap as a chair to him when Ikuya took his spot at Haru’s desk, but Asahi would sooner join Kisumi’s basketball team than forget the way his voice sounds. “The regional tournament just ended, didn't it? How did it go?”

“Ah, we lost. I was kinda hoping we could make it to nationals, but we came in fifth in the relay and I placed third in my butterfly event.”

“Oh, that's a shame. You were so close to going to nationals.”

“It’s fine—there's still next year,” Asahi hums. He takes a seat on a bench by the pool, gazing out at the setting sun. Even after three years in Kyushu, he still finds himself missing the way the sun's fiery embers scattered across the ocean’s brilliant blue ripples back in Tottori. He tries not to get too emotionally attached to any place he's in—considering how often he and his family have to move because of his father’s work—but that's difficult for him. He pours all of his heart and soul into everything he does, whether it’s swimming, starting a swim club from nothing or talking to an old friend who is several islands away.

The sound of metal clinking against glass reverberates from the other end. Kisumi must be drinking one of his exotic infusion smoothies again. “I really wanted to see you swim again, Asahi, especially now that you've finally been able to start a swim club in your high school. It’s been too long.”

Asahi chuckles. “It has, hasn't it? But don't be ridiculous. You can't come all the way down to Kyushu from Iwatobi just to watch one guy swim. You still have school and Hayato to look after, don't you?”

“Asahi, you're starting to sound responsible!”

“What the—I’m the captain of a swim team, of course I have to be responsible,” Asahi snaps. But after years of not seeing Kisumi, he can't stay annoyed at him for long. “I do appreciate the thought, though, especially since you're interested in a different sport.”

Kisumi laughs, light and tinkling like a wind chime on a breezy spring morning. He always reminds Asahi of spring, what with his hair that resembles cherry blossoms in both colour and texture, and the unassuming grace he moves with when pulling off complicated basketball maneuvers. “What can I say? I've been surrounded by swimming fanatics everywhere I go. Now even more so, ‘cause Hayato wants to join a swimming club.”

That grabs Asahi’s attention. “No way, really? That's amazing!” But another thought occurs to him, dimming his momentary burst of delight. “Wait, isn't the old SC at Iwatobi closed? You told me it’s being torn down.”

“The demolishing project fell through—something about a bankruptcy—so now the former coach there is busy rebuilding it. It should be up and running by next spring.”

Asahi leans back against the wall, unable to keep his grin off his face. “Wow, that's really awesome. I hope Hayato has a good time and learns to kick ass.”

“Maybe he’ll specialise in butterfly too,” Kisumi speculates cheekily. “Give him another five years and he’ll be raising hell for you in the pool.”

“I won't go easy on him just 'cause he's your little brother,” Asahi retorts. But as a silence settles between them, he has to start wracking his brains for other possible topics. This is the trouble of not having physically seen his friend in years, with the only contact between them being phone calls, text messages and Skype chats when their schedules allow it. Other than updates about each other’s lives, there isn't much they have in common to talk about, especially since they're not even in the same sport. With nothing else, he defaults to his safety net—old mutual friends. “Hey, Kisumi, do you… do you think Haru and Makoto have heard of the news? Of Iwatobi SC’s rebuilding, I mean.”

Kisumi hums thoughtfully. “Well, those two live a lot closer to it than I do, so there is a good chance. Oh, speaking of which, have you heard from them?”

Asahi shakes his head before remembering Kisumi can't see him. “Nah. Haven't spoken to them since middle school, honestly. You know how hard it is to get a hold of Haru, and having to take care of siblings and Haru probably keeps Makoto busy all the time.”

“Ah, that's true. They're probably still friends after all this time, don't you think?”

“Of course. Being in different classes didn't keep them from being joined at the hip back in middle school," Asahi chuckles. 

He still remembers the way Makoto would hover around Haru and fuss over him, fretting over if he packed more food than just grilled mackerel and rice for lunch, if he buttoned his _gakuran_ collar properly, if he remembered to bring the correct textbooks to class. If it weren't for the way those two looked at each other and _only_ each other, Asahi would've called Makoto Haru’s mom.

“Oh, that Haru,” Kisumi sings, like the verse of a tragic ballad. “He was always so elusive, like a mirage. Or—” He drops his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, like the bridge before the final refrain. “—a _mermaid._ ”

Asahi can't help but snort. “C’mon, what's with you? Comparing Haru to a mermaid—well, it makes sense but it’s kind of a clichéd comparison to make, don't you think?”

“Hmm, I don't know. He always gave off this, like, cool and _fantastical_ vibe. Like, the way he held himself regally like he couldn't be bothered with us mere mortals, and not to mention those blue eyes. They look like they’d seen more than Haru himself was letting on, y’know?”

Well, Asahi can sort of see what Kisumi means. Haru had always been an aloof guy, but Asahi knew he couldn't be all that bad if he allowed Asahi, Kisumi and eventually Ikuya to sit with him during lunchtime. And the way he moved in the water—Asahi has to admit there was something enrapturing about it, like a bewitchment or something weird from Kisumi’s favourite Ghibli movies. Watching Haru’s _free_ was the reason why Asahi’s brain decided it didn't want to remember how to swim freestyle anymore, after all. 

But… Haru _is_ human. At least, from what Asahi remembers about him. The afternoon Haru passed out during a run because he hadn't been eating well at home proved that, and realising that Haru was human like the rest of them—like himself—was the catalyst for Asahi finally remembering how to swim freestyle (he just wished the mental training books that blue-haired megane he had met once in the library had recommended something like _‘Remember that freaky prodigies in your field of expertise are, at the end of the day, humans just like you!’_ —it was mortifying to struggle so long with freestyle when the answer had been so simple all along).

“Asahi? Asahi, did you put down your phone in the middle of a conversation and walk off to do something else again?”

“Huh?” Asahi blinks, only just realising he has been silent for longer than is strictly necessary to think of a response. “Ah, sorry, I kinda spaced out there.”

“I thought the captain of the swim team is supposed to be responsible and attentive?” Kisumi teases. Asahi can practically see his amused grin, despite being nearly on the other end of Japan.

“I'm not your captain, so I get to slack off on the responsibility and attentiveness. Anyway, what were you saying earlier? Something about mermaids?”

“I was comparing Haru to a mermaid, which you called clichéd.”

Asahi rolls his eyes. “It really is. What Disney movie have you been watching with Hayato lately? _The Little Mermaid?_ ”

“ _Moana,_ actually,” Kisumi chirps. “Hayato really likes it. He wants to watch it every week.”

“I don't blame him—it’s a good movie. Hey, you think Haru likes it? I mean, it has _water_ in it, and that guy’s practically infatuated with water.”

Kisumi laughs. “Probably. I'm still surprised he doesn't like _The Little Mermaid,_ though. Or…” The sound of his chewing something, probably an exotic type of cherry Asahi has never heard of before, rings through. Knowing him, he's probably thinking of something. “On second thought, maybe it’s not that surprising, since that movie pretty much exposed the existence of mermaids to the world, and Haru’s _totally_ a mermaid. There's no way those blue eyes are human.”

“Nah, he probably didn't like it ‘cause Ariel left the ocean just so she could be with this one guy,” Asahi snorts. _That_ sounds more like Haru, he thinks. Haru probably wouldn't understand why anyone would voluntarily leave the water they were lucky enough to have been born in.

“Ah, so Haru’s a feminist! He didn't like the idea of a woman giving up her talent and entire life under the sea just to pursue some man she didn't even know, 'cause it propagates the idea to little girls that ditching their entire identity just to chase some man they barely know and who may not even care about them is something they should aspire to do like Ariel, which teaches them their _true_ identity is solely defined by men, and it's a toxic idea to teach young impressionable girls. How woke of Haru!”

Asahi snorts again. “Try telling that to him the next time you see him.”

The drop in mood is evident from Kisumi’s tone alone. “Yeah, hopefully. It would be nice if we could all meet again one day. Middle school… those were some good days, huh?”

Asahi figures Kisumi must have had a vastly different middle school experience from him. Asahi’s was characterised by constant back-and-forth strife in the small quartet consisting of himself, Ikuya, Haru and Makoto. Besides for their personalities clashing all the time in the beginning (mostly between him and Ikuya, while Makoto tried to smooth things out and Haru was just about done with everyone and everything), he always got the _sense_ that there was something going on between Makoto and Haru, beyond anything he could imagine—it was obvious enough from the long, meaningful looks they shared, as well as the way they seemed to just _know_ the other was about to appear around the corner.

Asahi suppresses a shudder. Maybe not a _mermaid,_ per se, but perhaps Kisumi is right about the fantastical vibe Haru apparently exuded.

But even so… 

“Well, my one year in Iwatobi Middle School was crazy, but I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way,” Asahi says, trying to force his usual bravado into his tone. “It took us a while, but eventually we became a pretty damn awesome team. I had some good times with those guys. Shame we had to split ways, though.”

Kisumi hums in wistful agreement. “Yeah, it’s a shame things have to change, regardless of whether you want them to or not.”

Asahi frowns. “Hey, hey, that sad tone isn't like you at all, Kisumi. C’mon, just ‘cause we had to part ways suddenly doesn't mean it’s a permanent farewell. Like, our hearts are always connected, especially me and Ikuya and Haru and Makoto, ‘cause we swam a relay together.”

“You could've formed a similar bond with me if you had joined the basketball team, y’know," Kisumi says reproachfully. 

“Yeah, no thanks."

But Asahi's now-instinctive prickliness whenever Kisumi tries to cajole him into playing basketball softens when he thinks of the friends he had for a little less than a year but has never forgotten about. He thinks of Kisumi, whom he immediately butted heads with because of the swim-team-versus-basketball-team drama and Kisumi’s general forwardness with everyone; of Haru, whose freestyle was both an enchantment and a curse to watch, and who later taught him that everyone—no matter how skilled or talented—is human at the end of the day. He thinks of Ikuya’s cold, spiky exterior, which he later found out concealed a tender heart that just wanted to be accepted. He thinks of Makoto’s fussing mother hen tendencies and how he felt taken care of when he was with him; of Natsuya-senpai’s boisterous and occasionally reckless but nevertheless reliable leadership, and of Nao-senpai’s unnerving intelligence and unparalleled prowess at _karuta_ tucked under his trademark kind smile.

“I think,” Asahi says slowly, “we’re connected ‘cause we leave a bit of ourselves with everyone we meet and form a bond with. That's how we know we've made an impact. Even now, I still see things that remind me of my old teammates from middle school and my childhood SC… and of you too. I guess. Like basketballs. God, I can't walk past a basketball without remembering how your manipulative ass nearly tricked me into joining the basketball team.”

“That sounded super deep, Asahi,” Kisumi hums. “Captainship is really making you mature, isn't it?”

Asahi’s eyebrow twitches. “For some reason, it sounds kinda condescending coming from you.”

Kisumi laughs, and Asahi can't stay mad at him when he laughs like that. “I mean it, really! You've become really cool, Asahi.”

“Yeah, you damn well better remember that.” But Asahi’s cheeks are pleasantly warm nonetheless.

Kisumi chuckles again before the sound of a drink being finished fills his end of the line. “Oh, it’s time for me to pick Hayato up from school. Talk to you next time, okay? Maybe I’ll even convince you to join a basketball club in university so we can meet at tournaments.”

“No way, dude, I'm sticking with swimming at university,” Asahi retorts. “And who knows? Maybe we’ll even end up going to the same university.”

“Yeah, maybe. Okay, I really gotta go now. Bye, Asahi!”

“See ya. Tell Hayato hi for me.”

“Yeah, will do!”

Asahi hangs up, his stupid grin still plastered on his face and his heart now feeling four times fuller than it did before Kisumi called him—and his heart is never empty, not when it has been touched by so much love on every path he's embarked in his life.

(Though he still holds a small grudge against Kisumi for nearly manipulating him into joining the basketball club four years ago. He'll never let go of that.)

* * *

Contrary to common belief, Kirishima Natsuya _is_ capable of being a good big brother, but only when prodded by Nao’s gentle yet forceful hand, akin to silk concealing steel.

“He's not a baby anymore,” Natsuya mutters, looking away and running his fingers through his messy brown hair. “He has good teammates and a capable coach looking out for him.”

Unfortunately for Natsuya, Nao can read him like he's one of Nao’s favourite poetry books. “I noticed you didn't say anything about how you yourself are feeling. You're worried, aren't you?”

A scowl permeates Natsuya’s otherwise handsome features. “I mean, the kid nearly drowned. _Again._ Of course I'd be worried. But I can't keep hovering over him like some kind of helicopter parent. He's never gonna learn to be independent if I keep fussing over him. That's kinda the reason why I moved back to Japan from America three years ago.”

“I thought it was because you wanted to be with me?” Nao presses, and he smiles when Natsuya’s face goes crimson. “Look, I understand you wanting Ikuya to grow stronger, but you don't want a repeat of what happened between you two in middle school, do you? Even if he knows you want the best for him, it’s still going to feel like you're abandoning him all over again.”

The last of Natsuya’s resolve crumbles. He shoots Nao a glower from under his bangs. “I hate it when you use that against me.”

“Just start the Skype call before he goes to bed.”

“Ugh, fine.”

As Natsuya is busy fiddling with his laptop, Nao clears his desk of his Sports Medicine textbooks. While Nao believes in completing his work as soon as humanly possible—given how rigorous balancing the academic requirements of his first year at university and his part-time coaching job at the nearby swimming club is—he can sacrifice about half an hour to supervise Natsuya’s catch-up with Ikuya. This doesn't happen often, given how Natsuya is usually busy travelling and swimming in various competitions around the world (and winning them, then using the prize money to fund his next adventure); and while his relationship with his younger brother has improved over the years, Natsuya can still be careless with his words at times, which often requires Nao’s more emotionally-perceptive expertise to mediate.

A tone rings out from the laptop before the screen is filled with the faces of Ikuya and his friend, Hiyori. Nao shifts closer so he can be seen on Ikuya’s screen, and Natsuya slings an arm around his shoulders.

“Natsuya-san, Nao-san, good morning,” Hiyori, ever the poster boy of politeness, greets, which Nao returns with a greeting of good evening.

“Aniki,” Ikuya grumbles, “do you have any idea what time it is? I just got discharged from the hospital and I want to sleep.”

“What, I can't check on how my favourite little brother is doing?” Natsuya booms.

“I'm your only little brother…”

“Anyway! Did you receive my get-well-soon gift in the mail?”

Ikuya glares at the camera. “It was a miracle the mailman managed to stuff it into the mailbox at all, let alone for me to bring into my room.” He gestures at the three feet tall Mimikyu plushie behind him, which looks like it’s trying its best to hide behind the two boys. “What am I going to do with this? It’s just taking up space in my room.”

“Come on, Ikuya, don't be ungrateful,” Natsuya says briskly. “It took me forever to find that one plushie, and it _had_ to be Mimikyu ‘cause I remember you said it was one of your favourite Pokémon from _Sun and Moon._ You can, like, hug it to sleep at night when you miss Mom or something.”

“Just like how I'm supposed to hug the other fifty stuffed toys Aniki sent to me?”

(The amusing part, Nao finds, is that Ikuya is not exaggerating. Despite his insistences of pushing Ikuya away so he can find his wings and soar on his own, Natsuya has scoured every department store in Tottori and even made a special trip all the way to Tokyo just to find very specific and embarrassing plushies to send Ikuya as get-well-soon gifts each time he gets hospitalised for over-training. Nao would know. Natsuya has insisted on having his company and advice on selecting gifts for Ikuya, and Nao can now consider himself an expert on Pokémon plushies.) 

“Do you, though?” Natsuya asks, sounding genuinely curious.

“No!” Ikuya exclaims vehemently. “I'm too old for plushies, Aniki. I'm seventeen, not seven.”

Beside Ikuya, Hiyori nods with all the somberness of a priest. “They're just collecting dust on the shelf, Natsuya-san.”

“Perhaps you should have sent a more practical gift, Natsuya,” Nao gently chides. “Like a new pair of jammers or a sports water bottle.”

Natsuya huffs and crosses his arms—a sign he's going to abruptly change the subject to save face. “Regardless of the practicality of the gifts I lovingly picked out and mailed to you, I hope I won't have to send any more get-well-soon gifts to you anytime soon. You need to take better care of yourself, Ikuya. Stop pushing yourself so hard to the point you literally lose oxygen while swimming—the pool isn't going to run away from you.”

Ikuya’s scowl deepens, and he glances away from the camera. “I need to get stronger. We’re going to take on the world together, aren't we, Aniki?”

“I don't want you to drown trying to reach the global stage. You are strong, but I don't want you killing yourself trying to prove it.”

Smiling with pride, Nao thinks that perhaps Natsuya has finally gotten bolder and more honest about his feelings—a heartwarming contrast to his middle school days when he coldly pushed Ikuya away without warning, because he didn't know how else to get Ikuya to grow out of his shadow.

However, Natsuya promptly shatters that illusion by adding, “There won't always be a Haruka or your other friends to save you when you drown.”

And Nao can practically _see_ Ikuya close up around the previously barely-open cracks in his aloof defenses.

“That's exactly why I have to get stronger,” Ikuya mutters, probably not intending for any of them to actually hear him.

“I’ll do my best to look out for Ikuya, Natsuya-san,” Hiyori pipes up dutifully.

Natsuya nods. “Thanks, Hiyori. Hey, that reminds me.” 

It’s almost never a good thing when something reminds Natsuya of something else. From the way Ikuya’s shoulders immediately tense like a defense mechanism, he evidently knows it too. The poor boy had to grow up with someone as boisterous and rash as Natsuya, which led to traumatic events like being strong-armed into cycling down a steep hill on a mountain bike even though he was still on training wheels and being gifted a well-intentioned but nonetheless horrifying jar of cicadas that Natsuya had spent the whole day in the mountains catching for him. Nao knows Natsuya never means anything _bad_ with his intentions but he does come off as pushy more often than not. Sometimes, Nao wonders how Ikuya still managed to end up so attached to his Aniki despite all the trauma Natsuya put him through.

“Speaking of Haruka, have you kept in touch with your old middle school friends?” Natsuya asks, oblivious to the way Ikuya’s entire posture goes rigid and his face stunned, like Natsuya just reached through the screen from the other side of the world to slap him.

“I… I…”

Hiyori’s polite smile hardens. “Ikuya doesn't have the time to worry about the past, Natsuya-san. He is working very hard to compete on the global stage, you see.”

“Ah, you're right,” Natsuya says, nodding sagely like it was his idea in the first place. “Still, it would be great if you kept in contact with old friends. Even if you guys only spent a year together, you still made an impression on each other, didn't you? Just because you're in different countries now doesn't mean you can't still be friends. Look at me and Nao! His being in Japan and mine in America three years ago didn't stop us from remaining close to each other.”

Nao notes the increasing strain around Ikuya’s mouth with every well-meaning but insensitive word Natsuya tosses at him, and he has to resist the urge to smack his forehead. Natsuya can be so obtuse at times; he is lucky Nao thinks he's cute or he wouldn't have stuck with him this long.

Ikuya rolls his eyes. “Aniki and Nao-senpai are different. You two have practically been married ever since middle school.”

Natsuya’s cheeks colour, but he doesn't retract his arm from around Nao. “Well, you're not _wrong,_ but to put it so directly and crudely…” He shakes his head dramatically. “Surely I taught you better than that.”

Nao sighs. Natsuya is the absolute last person to be lecturing others about being direct and crude. “Actually, you're probably the one who taught him that.”

“Not you too, Nao! God, why did I ever ask you out?”

(Technically, Nao's the one who made the first move because Natsuya was as terrible at romance as he was—still is—at math, but he decides this isn't the best time to point that out.)

“Because you know you'd flunk all your math exams without me,” Nao replies sweetly. To twist the knife deeper, he adds, “And the captain of the prestigious Soufukan High Swim Team couldn't afford to fail his classes, could he?"

Natsuya grumbles something under his breath, which means Nao has won again.

Ikuya stifles a yawn behind his hand. “It’s getting pretty late, so if it’s okay I’d like to call it a night, Aniki.”

“Hm? What time is it there?”

“It's almost eleven p.m., Natsuya-san,” Hiyori reports, consulting his watch. “Ikuya is still recovering, and the doctor said he needs to get as much rest as possible.”

“What? Then you should definitely be going to bed right now,” Natsuya orders, as if he isn't the one keeping Ikuya up.

“Give yourself about half an hour before trying to sleep,” Nao advises. “Don't look at your phone or laptop—the blue light emitted will keep your brain active. Read a book instead, like the one on individual medley techniques I mailed to you.”

“Will do.”

“Take care of yourself, kid,” Natsuya says sternly. “Do your best, but don't push yourself too hard.”

Ikuya doesn't look at the camera as he mutters, “I will get stronger.”

A frown passes over Natsuya’s face, but before he can say anything Ikuya hangs up on them.

Now faced with Skype’s main menu, Nao and Natsuya sit in companionable silence for about two minutes—which Nao uses to rearrange his textbooks on the desk now that the call has been concluded—before Natsuya takes it upon himself to fill it.

“Nao, what do you think?”

“You will have to be more specific than that.”

Natsuya agitatedly runs his hand through his hair. “You know what I mean! About Ikuya. Do you think he's okay?”

Nao lets out a thoughtful hum. “He's still finding himself—finding his wings and the best way he should soar. It’s not an easy path he has chosen to embark on, but if he believes in it so strongly then I’m sure he will find ways to overcome whatever obstacles may present themselves to him. Plus, he has Hiyori-kun looking out for him, so I believe he will be fine.”

“Yeah. I just wished that kid had more friends, y’know?" Natsuya muses, sounding like he's in a world of his own. "He's always been so isolated ever since he was a kid. He hardly ever interacted with the kids his age at the SC and insisted on following me everywhere I went. Even in middle school, you saw how long it took him to warm up to Haruka, Makoto and Asahi.”

“Do you not consider Hiyori-kun a friend to Ikuya?” Nao inquires. Truthfully, he can already guess Natsuya’s answer—and more often than not, his guesses hit the mark—but there are some things Natsuya himself needs to vocalise.

Natsuya sighs and drops his head to his knees. “Technically, yes, but only because he's pretty much Ikuya’s only friend right now. Hiyori is good for him, but a selfish part of me wishes Ikuya had stayed behind in Iwatobi and built something amazing with Haruka, Makoto and Asahi.”

Nao places a hand on Natsuya’s head, rubbing it in soothing circles. “There is nothing selfish about wanting the best for your younger brother. And you are not unfounded in your feelings. Those guys… sometimes I wonder what they could've been had they stayed together.”

“Yeah.” Natsuya raises his head, revealing a frown on his face. “They all went their separate ways before even spending a full year together. Asahi had to move suddenly, didn't he?"

“Yes, his parents’ work most likely relocated. I believe he is in Kyushu now. Makoto quit because he had to take care of his younger siblings, and I don't blame him for putting his family first. As for Haruka… well, who knows? He loved the water so much, I'm sure he must have had a good reason for leaving.”

Sometimes, Nao still thinks about the misfit group of first-years that was under his care as team manager back in middle school. Putting those guys together in a relay team was like trying to fit four gears together, except two insisted on sticking to each other (and even then they started to wear and clash with one another) and the other two refused to fit together because they had wildly opposing ideas of how the machine ought to work. 

But once the gears learned to work together with a gentle but firm bit of tinkering from Nao and a forceful no-nonsense push on the accelerator from Natsuya, Nao had never seen a machine that worked so smoothly and flawlessly, each gear sliding into place like they were always meant to be there and moving in sync with the others. Like Natsuya, Nao has to wonder what could have been if the machine didn't fragment back into four separate gears in the spring of their first year.

They had boundless potential, but as impartial as Nao did his best to be, it was Haruka who stood out the most to him in that ragtag bunch. The obvious thing about him that captured everyone's attention and not just Nao's was how beautiful his freestyle was. It wasn't like he was clashing with the water or trying to unite with it; he just accepted it readily like an old friend, and the water did likewise.

The other thing that Nao doesn't think many other people have noticed, if any, was—well, he could never explain it in clear and concrete terms, but Haruka just exuded a certain type of _aura_ Nao had never felt before in another individual. Besides for his obvious unparalleled genius in the water and his aloof disposition, there was something else—a lingering melancholy, perhaps, like there was a morose ghost trailing his every step. Those blue eyes that Nao often likened to the depths of the formidable ocean looked like they had seen more than an ordinary middle schooler should've seen. They were a breathtaking shade of icy blue, but they were also too melancholy and broken like scattered mosaic tiles for Nao to believe Haruka was just going through typical adolescent angst of growing up and adjusting to a new school.

Nao had given all of those guys a push in the right direction to grow stronger than their inner demons, or so he likes to think. When he lays eyes on a pool or the sea, he thinks of the young boy with the obstinate scowl, messy dark hair and piercing blue eyes, and he wonders if he could have—should have—done more to find out why those eyes could look so pretty yet haunted at the same time, like an abandoned and desolate mansion. 

A hand waves in front of Nao’s face, breaking him out of his musing. He blinks and hastily pushes his usual gentle smile back on his face.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he offers.

“There's something on your mind,” Natsuya says bluntly. “You’re kinda scary when you go all silent and brooding. What were you thinking about?”

For how obtuse Natsuya usually is, Nao has to admit he has become rather adept at reading him, and Nao is often the one reading others instead of the one being read. Just as Nao thinks he’s learned all there is to know about Natsuya, Natsuya finds a way to catch him off his guard. Well, he thinks, that is just like Natsuya—ever-changing, dynamic, always finding new heights to soar to because this town is simply too small for him. Perhaps the whole world is too small for him, and Natsuya will go and create a brand new one of his own once he has seen all there is to be seen in this one.

Idly, Nao laces his fingers with Natsuya’s. “Mm, just thinking of those guys. Thinking if there was more I could've done for them as their manager.”

“What a coincidence. I was thinking of something along those lines too. But—” Natsuya adds, grinning roguishly at Nao. “—Hiyori is right. Just like Ikuya, we don't have time to be brooding about the past. The past is done and gone, but the future isn't and the present is the stone on which it will be carved. So, like, we just have to keep forging onwards with what we have to create something awesome for the us of tomorrow.”

Speaking of surprises from Natsuya. Smiling, Nao leans closer to press a gentle kiss to Natsuya’s lips. “How sage and poetic of you. Have you been reading my poetry books while I wasn't around again? I distinctly remember you dismissing poetry as weird, long-winded crap comparing things to other things, and that people should just say what they want to say without all the fancy embellishments.”

“Since you enjoy them, I thought I ought to at least give them a chance,” Natsuya says. He hunches lower so he can peer coyly up at Nao through his eyelashes and bangs. “I sounded pretty cool, didn't I?”

“If you say so.”

“What's with that patronising tone?” Natsuya grumbles, to which Nao responds with another quick kiss. All that does is rile Natsuya up, though, until he's rising back up to his full height and attempting to push Nao onto his back to have his way with him.

Nao puts a halt to that by pressing his hand none too gently against Natsuya’s face. “One way we can keep forging onwards to create something awesome tomorrow is to let me complete my paper. I only have two paragraphs left to write, then we can do whatever you have on your mind after that.”

In response, Natsuya presses his face into Nao’s neck. “C’mon,” he wheedles, “your paper isn't due till next freaking _month._ How often do we get to see each other and do this? The last time I saw you was graduation. While travelling around the world and seeing things I’d never get to see here is fun, I still miss you, ya know.”

Well, Nao supposes that's true. When Natsuya flies off again to answer the call of a fancy swimming competition in Colorado or Yorkshire or somewhere just as faraway from Tokyo, it’ll probably be a good few months at least before he returns to Japan. Nao has nothing against Natsuya’s free-spirited globe-trotting lifestyle—in fact, he encourages it, knowing how Natsuya has always sought broader skies to fully unfurl his wings—and their relationship has remained strong despite miles and oceans and continents between them, but he supposes it would be good to spend some quality time together. This opportunity doesn't come often, after all. He ought to savour it while he still has it.

“You're a bad influence, Kirishima Natsuya,” Nao chides, though not without a smile.

Natsuya leaves an imprint of his grin on Nao’s neck before lifting himself to pierce Nao with his trademark smouldering gaze. “You're welcome, Serizawa Nao.”

* * *

_Well,_ Yamazaki Sousuke thinks to himself while rolling his aching shoulder, _can't say I didn't at least try._

Rehab, breakdown, rehab, breakdown. This is the cycle he has been repeating for nearly a year, and only now is it truly starting to sink in that, hey, maybe he really won't get to swim anymore.

All in all, the part he's most surprised about is how well he is taking this news. Whenever he contemplated his worst case scenario while lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep through the pain, he always thought the moment of truth would result in screaming anguish like his heart was about to rip out of his chest.

Instead, it feels like someone has given his heart a mere kick. With steel-toed boots, but still. Maybe he has already been slowly accepting this as his new reality with each failed attempt at rehabilitation.

Well, it makes sense, he believes. He ignored the signs for far too long, until it was too late and the damage was pretty much irreversible. And even _if_ by some stroke of divine intervention his shoulder magically healed itself, there’s no way he would be able to match up to his former glory as one of Japan’s best butterfly swimmers in the high school scene, given how hard his teammates and competitors must have been training while he was stuck in rehabilitation.

With nothing else he can do about his now-terminated swimming career, maybe it’s time he finally sees Rin. He heard from Gou in spring that Rin had returned from Australia to complete his high school career here, but he just couldn't bring himself to contact Rin. Rin, with his fiery enthusiasm and sharp grins and unrivalled zest for self-improvement, was the absolute last person Sousuke wanted seeing him in this sorry, pathetic state. He still is, but Sousuke can't ignore the twinging in his heart urging him to at least watch Rin swim one more time before he officially quits swimming.

Gou texted him a while back that Rin had qualified for Tottori's regional 100-meter freestyle race—to which he replied with a laconic _'_ _Good for him'_ —so Sousuke grabs his wallet and phone before taking the first train down to Tottori from Tokyo.

Sousuke is proud to announce it only takes him two hours to find the stadium with the help of no less than six kind passersby (even if Google claims it’s a mere fifteen-minute walk on a clear, straight path from the train station), just in time for the men’s 100-meter freestyle race.

As the bleachers are completely filled, he is left with the standing platform above the final row of seats. But that's no matter, since he has sharp eyes. If this is the regional tournament for swimmers in Tottori, then that guy should be here too…

Sousuke scans the spectators and swimmers below him before locking on a dark-haired guy dressed in a white jacket with blue accents on it in the third row. Even though it has been about three years since they last met, Sousuke still recognises Nanase Haruka with ease. The icy blue eyes and that freestyle form—Sousuke can't forget those, just like how he can't forget the way racing against Nanase caused his body to light aflame underwater. 

Sousuke eyes the swimmers lining up behind the starting blocks, and a thrill shoots through him when he spots Rin on the fourth starting block. It’s briefly dampened when he puts two and two together and realises that Nanase, Rin’s greatest rival (in freestyle), is in the bleachers instead of down there by the pool. Sousuke frowns, but he figures they're probably just in different heats. 

He pushes aside all thoughts of Nanase and focuses on Rin. Excitement makes his heart pound rapidly against his chest. However, when Rin is the last to get on the block, even though he always made a point to be the first whenever he challenged Sousuke, something dark wraps its barbed fingers around Sousuke's heart.

_Rin, what the hell?_

Sousuke knows Rin like he knows the back of his hand—since they're essentially alter egos, two sides of the same coin—which is how he comes to the conclusion that unless a miracle were to strike, there is no way this will end happily for Rin, and Sousuke has never been a big believer in miracles.

Even with this knowledge, he can't do anything about the horror that seizes his entire body as he helplessly watches Rin thrash in the water, like he's struggling against an invisible monster and losing. His heart sinks to his gut when Rin comes in dead last, and it plummets to his toes as he watches Rin struggle to get out of the pool, only to fall back in no less than three times until one of the lifeguards has to haul him out.

_Rin… what happened?_

Rin storms past the swimmers lining up for their race into the changing rooms. Sousuke remains rooted in place. There… there's no way. There’s no way Sousuke's plucky, passionate, determined rival who claimed he would swim on the global stage and win would now disgrace himself so shamefully at what should've been his moment of glory. In Sousuke’s mind, Rin has always existed as this wild force of nature who cannot be contained by any measure of possibility. If he hit a wall, he would just tell it to go fuck itself and then smash right through it like it’s mere paper, so what the hell changed? 

Previously, Sousuke would have been mildly interested in watching Nanase’s freestyle race but not anymore. In a daze, he stumbles out of the stadium into the first hallway he finds, only to freeze in his tracks when a fierce, anguished roar echoes from the adjacent one.

“Shut up! What do I care about future tournaments or any bullshit like that? It doesn't matter! I don't give a damn about what happens. I'm obviously no better than this—I’m _never_ gonna be good enough. That's why Captain took me off the relay team. Fuck it all, I quit! I'm _done_ with this bullshit sport!”

A trash can hurtles through the air and lands with a harsh thud several feet away from Sousuke. Hastily, he presses himself flat against the wall as Rin storms past him. His head doesn't even turn once. Even if it did, Sousuke doubts Rin would really _see_ him.

Sousuke’s knees shake, and it takes all of his strength to keep him standing. He has returned to Tottori after years of tireless training to one day stand on the global stage by Rin's side, destroying his own shoulder in the process, just to hear Rin declare he's quitting?

_How could this happen to you, Rin?_

Now acting on numb, mechanical instincts, Sousuke trudges back into the stadium to observe the rest of the races. He travelled all the way here; he might as well stay a little longer and see how good Nanase has gotten. 

As it turns out, Nanase and his friends are nowhere to be found. All eight heats of the men’s 100-meter freestyle race conclude, and not once did Sousuke spot Nanase among the line-up. Considering that all the lanes in the remaining heats after Rin’s were occupied and Rin’s was the first, Nanase probably didn't even qualify. 

Anger rushes through Sousuke. Rin probably returned to Japan to race Nanase, and all Nanase did was slack off? What the hell—someone of his caliber should've cleared the prefectural tournament with ease. Unless Nanase changed in the three years Sousuke didn't see him. It looks like plenty of people have been changing while Sousuke was in Tokyo pushing himself to his breaking point.

The men’s medley relay is about to begin. Having no interest in relays, Sousuke contemplates leaving and taking the earliest train back to Tokyo.

That is, until Nanase, two of teammates and _Rin_ dash to the poolside, clad in their swimsuits and ready to go.

_Wait, didn't Gou say Rin’s in Samezuka? And aren't Gou and the team she's managing in Iwatobi High? What the fuck?_

Surely this must be some incredibly vivid dream. Yet, as the scene unfolds before Sousuke’s eyes, it becomes harder and harder to deny. Rin is in the third spot, behind the small blond boy and in front of Nanase. His expression betrays nothing but steely focus.

Sousuke doesn't even know where to begin. Besides for them breaking every freaking rule of the tournament, Rin should know better than this—he should know that relays are just playing around. Sousuke made it pretty clear after their botched relay in fifth grade, he's absolutely sure. What's the point of pretending there is some sense of _camaraderie_ in relays when ultimately you'll still end up alone in the pool?

Well, Rin has always been a stupid swimming romantic. But from the letters that eventually stopped coming from him when he was abroad, it sounded like Australia was rusting those rose-tinted lenses. If that's the case… Sousuke locks his eyes on the figure behind Rin. 

Nanase, who has the freaking audacity to appear as his usual cool, unbothered self behind Rin.

Sousuke knows Nanase was part of Rin’s relay team at Iwatobi SC. He knows Nanase was initially not open to the idea, but during the actual relay he gave it his all. Perhaps for all his cold detachment from humanity as a whole, there’s a weak part in Nanase that subscribes to all the notions of ‘swimming with friends’ that Sousuke wholeheartedly denounces _and_ managed to get Rin to see it too again.

Nanase is getting in Rin’s way. Rin, who is aiming to excel in front of the whole world, doesn't have time to be playing around with friends. He should be dedicating every moment in the pool to polishing himself to absolute perfection. Stupid Nanase who only cares about swimming 'free', whatever the hell _that's_ supposed to mean, can never understand how important this is. Sousuke would _never_ do this to Rin. 

He has half a mind to storm down there and drag Nanase away from Rin, but he pauses when Rin climbs on the starting block and crouches down.

He watches, transfixed, as Rin syncs his dive perfectly with the small blond guy’s contact with the wall. Rin’s butterfly is as dynamic, powerful and precisely calculated as Sousuke remembers it to be. He brings them from fifth to third place in no time. When it’s Nanase’s turn, he overtakes the rest with a grace that can only be called Nanase-like and cinches first place.

The moment Nanase gets out of the pool, Rin tosses himself at him and wraps him in a fierce embrace. Even from this distance, Sousuke spots the beam stretching across Rin’s face and the happy tears welling up in his eyes.

The previous hard knot that formed in Sousuke’s chest softens as he watches Rin laugh and cry with his friends. He can't hear what Rin is saying, but the look on his face is all Sousuke needs to know.

 _Relays… well, I still think they're dumb,_ he muses to himself as he rests his chin in his hand, watching Rin from above.

_But Rin, they mean something special to you, don't they?_

And it hits Sousuke, gentler than his realisation of how his swimming career is over but still no less earth-shaking. The answer glimmers in the tears soaking Rin’s face, in the stretch of his smile, in the pink flush of joy in his cheeks.

Not taking his eyes off Rin, Sousuke reaches for his phone and dials his mother’s number.

“Hey, Mom? I know it's sudden, but what do you think of transferring me to Samezuka Academy next spring?”

* * *

One of Nagisa’s newfound favourite pastimes is showing up at Rei’s doorstep in increasingly ridiculous outfits just to get a reaction out of him. The first time, he wore a pair of neon pink overalls with an orange-and-green striped T-shirt under it. The second time, he showed up in a similar get-up which he paired with knee-high denim socks and sunshine yellow crocs. Both times, Rei slapped his hand so hard over his face he nearly cracked his lenses and screeched to the ceiling about how atrocious those outfits were and how they had offended every single theory of fashion out there. 

This time, Nagisa has shown up in a penguin onesie and is holding out a bright purple butterfly one to Rei.

“Why are you requesting that I imitate a butterfly in my choice of outerwear?” Rei demands, his eyebrows twitching. “It—it’s not _not_ beautiful, I guess, but still! Nagisa-kun, I cannot believe you are proposing that I wear something so stifling in the height of summer, and not to mention, you yourself are also—”

Nagisa tunes him out and yanks Rei down by the collar, forcing the onesie over his head. “There you go! Now we match!”

Muffled spluttering that sound vaguely like an indignant “I do not consent!” rings from within the depths of the butterfly onesie. Not paying Rei any mind, Nagisa continues tugging the onesie down until Rei relents and assists Nagisa with his efforts. In no time, Rei is standing in front of Nagisa, looking like the world’s most disgruntled and begrudging butterfly.

“It looks good on you, Rei-chan,” Nagisa hums appreciatively.

Rei adjusts his glasses, flustered. “Of—of course! I can make even the ugliest potato sack look stunning if I have the time to prepare the necessary apparatus to make adjustments. But I simply cannot believe you spent your parents’ hard-earned money on such… absurd and occasionally downright _disturbing_ items of clothing.”

Nagisa stiffens at the mention of his parents, which does not go unnoticed. Rei raises his eyebrows, but before he can ask the question Nagisa knows for _sure_ is on the tip of his tongue, Nagisa invites himself in.

“Thanks for your hospitality, Rei-chan!”

Rei just sighs and shuts the door behind Nagisa’s cheerful bouncing. He seems to have given up on trying to convince Nagisa that inviting himself into someone else’s home is highly impolite.

“I hope you brought along your study materials, at least,” Rei says witheringly, taking his usual spot beside Nagisa at the coffee table in the living room.

Nagisa brandishes his bundle of algebra worksheets—courtesy of Rei, who insists Nagisa properly organises all his work by subject using colour-coded binders—in response. “In exchange for you wearing the butterfly onesie I bought specially for you, I'm going to study with you!"

“I'm not sure if that is a fair exchange, considering both of those actions benefit you…" 

“Don't think too much about it, Rei-chan! Things, whether it’s studying or dressing up in onesies, are better done in company you enjoy!”

Rei’s cheeks redden, a sight Nagisa doesn't think he will ever get bored of. “I suppose that is true. Human beings are social creatures. No matter how outgoing or reserved an individual is, everyone needs social contact to trigger the neurotransmitters in the brain responsible for feelings like happiness and—”

“Let’s have a sleepover, Rei-chan!” Nagisa cuts in as a new idea occurs to him. “Don't worry, I brought my own clothes this time. Rei-chan’s pajamas are _so_ comfortable, though, ‘cause they're so big and soft!”

Rei is about to reach into his schoolbag for his bundle of algebra worksheets when he pauses, instead of immediately protesting as Nagisa has come to expect of him whenever he proposes they do something out of the blue. “I mean, I do not have any grievances about this arrangement, but this truly piques my curiosity. Nagisa-kun, you have been announcing these impromptu sleepovers rather frequently lately. In fact, for the past two weeks, you have initiated no less than eight of these gatherings. Is there any particular reason for this?”

Nagisa freezes. He hopes his shock isn't as obvious to Rei as it feels. With how observant Rei is, though, he probably has no such luck. He forces out several sheepish giggles. “I just enjoy Rei-chan’s company! Plus, you make lots of funny noises in your sleep and they're really entertaining to listen to.”

“That is untrue!” Rei protests with great indignance. “If anything, _you're_ the one who keeps talking in his sleep, Nagisa-kun. If I received a thousand yen every time _you_ roused _me_ from _my_ sleep because of some nonsense _you_ cried out in _your_ sleep, I could afford seven pairs of the world’s best industrial-grade noise-cancelling earplugs, one for each day of the week!”

Relieved that Rei has been sufficiently distracted, Nagisa’s stomach lets out a loud rumble. He giggles again, more genuinely this time. "Guess I'm pretty hungry, huh?" 

“I shall head to the kitchen to procure some nourishment for us,” Rei announces, getting up.

“I want strawberry cheesecake!”

“No, Nagisa-kun, do you have any idea how bad that is for your body? It is incredibly fattening, and not to mention, it contains so much sugar it could potentially cause a toothache or diabetes, whichever comes first. As an athlete, you need to take care of your body.”

Nagisa lurches forward to wrap himself around Rei’s leg, but unfortunately Rei has gotten used to his tricks. With a smooth motion from his track days, Rei jumps back and does a perfect pirouette, spinning far out of Nagisa’s reach.

“I will be back with a far healthier alternative, so please wait patiently for my return.”

Nagisa sighs but obeys. While Rei is busy preparing boring snacks in his kitchen, Nagisa should probably get started on the eight pages of algebra equations to solve that is due this coming Monday. Instead, he flops forward and smushes his face into the cold glass surface of the table.

The real reason for spontaneously inviting himself over to Rei’s home is to get away from his family. As much as possible, he’d rather not face them. So far, he has more or less been able to avoid talking about the relay with his parents by dodging the subject or claiming to have lots of homework to do, but his older sisters have refused to give him a break. 

_“You trained so hard for months and even neglected your studies, just to throw it all away for some guy you haven't seen in years?”_

_“What's the point if you don't at least try to win? If your grades aren't anything to brag about, then all the more you should try and make something of yourself with swimming!”_

Nagisa wanted to cry. He didn't expect his sisters to understand, since _they_ were all top students who excelled in their co-curricular activities and had squeaky clean discipline records (his had been marred by two incidents of breaking and entering), and none of them had ever been passionate about anything the way he is about swimming with his friends. 

More than that, they couldn't understand his history with Haru-chan, Mako-chan and Rin-chan, or why he so badly wanted to swim with them again. He couldn't tell them any of that, since he had learned his lesson in his childhood that standing up for himself against his sisters would result in some form of humiliation, like finding girls’ swimsuits in his bag instead of his jammers right before swim practice at Iwatobi SC was about to start.

_“Ow!”_

Nagisa’s head snaps up, to find Rei hopping ungracefully on one foot while holding his other foot in his spare hand. The sandwiches on his pristine china plate wobble precariously back and forth on their perch, and Nagisa can't hold back his raucous laughter.

“Rei-chan, did you stub your toe or something?” he giggles, tears forming in his eyes. “I didn't know you were such a klutz! Don't you calculate, like, the angle of incident and force of velocity of your every move?”

“First of all, it’s called angle of _incidence,_ ” Rei huffs as he gingerly places his sore foot back on the floor. “Velocity is just termed velocity. Second of all, the angle of incidence pertains to the reflection of light, which is not something I calculate while travelling on foot from location to location. I calculate the angle of _entry_ of my foot. Third of all, having an incident of carelessness is perfectly normal, even if it is rather inelegant. In fact, the statistical likelihood of such an occurrence is…"

Nagisa doesn't bother listening to the rest. Cheerily, he bounds over to Rei and squats down in front of him. “It’s this foot that you hurt, right?” He prods the suspected foot, eliciting several squawks of pain from Rei.

“Yes, it is indeed that foot,” Rei says through gritted teeth. “I blame this butterfly outfit you have subjected me to wearing. I am unaccustomed to wearing such a ridiculous get-up, which caused me to miscalculate the distance between my foot and the door, resulting in this unfortunate accident. Fortunately, I know several techniques to deal with stubbed toes. Firstly, I have to place a bag of ice, frozen to an optimal temperature of zero degrees Celsius, on the injury. After that, I have to compress it to provide support and keep swelling under control. Then—”

Nagisa touches Rei’s injured foot again, with more gentleness this time, and lets the familiar but hidden away power seep through him. The soft golden glow emitting from his hands wraps around Rei’s foot like a hug, turning the bluish-purple bruise on Rei's toe back to his usual shade of light tan. Rei trails off mid-sentence—all he does is stare down at Nagisa in silent wonderment. Once the glow and bruises fade away, he takes a tentative step with his previously injured foot.

“So your superpowers really are true,” he breathes. “Rin-san demonstrated his abilities to me, but still…”

Nagisa giggles. “You're acting like you're in some comic book, Rei-chan! It isn't that weird, y’know!”

“To you, perhaps, since you have possessed these fascinating healing powers ever since you were a child. But to someone who wasn't there when the incident occurred, this is all very foreign. I simply could not believe my eyes when Rin-san showed me his fangs that were rather reminiscent of a shark’s, as well as demonstrated his shapeshifting powers.”

“Do you believe now, though?” Nagisa asks excitedly. “Do you, do you? If not, I can do it again!”

“Th—that will not be necessary, Nagisa-kun,” Rei cuts in, his face suddenly going pale. “I believe everything wholeheartedly now. It was difficult to process initially, given how illogical the existence of superpowers is, but I am unable to deny the truth when I have seen it with my own two eyes. Besides—” His expression softens. “—this doesn't change who you are. You will always be Nagisa-kun to me, powers or lack thereof.”

Warmth rises up from Nagisa’s neck to his face. He responds in the only way he knows—by pouncing on Rei in a massive bear hug. Rei stumbles back against the wall, but he manages not to drop the plate he's holding in one hand while the other reaches up to rest on Nagisa’s head.

“That was so sweet, especially coming from Rei-chan!” Nagisa coos.

“What are you talking about, Nagisa-kun?” Rei demands, sounding offended. “I’ll have you know that I can be incredibly kind and gracious with my words, especially to—”

The shifting of the plate on Rei’s hand catches Nagisa’s attention. He reaches and plucks a salmon sandwich from the plate, popping it into his mouth.

“Fayfee!” he exclaims.

“Nagisa-kun, how many times do I have to remind you not to stuff your mouth?” Rei scolds, looking mildly nauseated. “You could choke! Just because I know five methods to save you should you choke on your food doesn't mean I would like to resort to them because of your own impulsive carelessness!"

Nagisa grins impishly. He grabs another sandwich and promptly shoves it in Rei’s mouth. Rei chokes and wrenches himself away from Nagisa, his face twisting into a grimace as he chews and swallows his sandwich.

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei howls. His face is nearly purple. “Do you have any inkling of how incredibly dangerous that was? I could see my life _flash_ before my eyes!”

“Sorry, Rei-chan,” Nagisa sings. In return for nearly killing Rei, he takes the plate from him and places it on the coffee table, between their stacks of worksheets.

“Seriously, what will I ever do with you?” Rei mutters as he sits down next to Nagisa.

“Lead a very, _very_ boring life. A _tragically_ boring life. That would be so sad, wouldn't it, Rei-chan?”

To Nagisa’s surprise, Rei’s frown softens into a half-smile. “Yes, I suppose you are right. My life would certainly be at least 78.6 percent less entertaining without you. But I would also be about 33.4 percent less likely to die during a study session, so there is that.”

Nagisa smiles, resting his face in his hand and just watching Rei go on about numbers and probabilities that don't make the least bit of sense to him. It’s nice. It’s nice having Rei-chan in his life like this, to study and run to school with and drag into whatever new scheme strikes his fancy. 

And above all, it is nice to have a close friend his age. While Nagisa is by no definition unpopular, being the beloved and adorable class clown, he has never had a Rei-chan before meeting Rei-chan. While his classmates take his joking in stride and chat with him, none of them have shown much interest in getting too close to him. In fact, he's been called noisy and annoying rather frequently. 

Back when Iwatobi SC was still alive and thriving, Nagisa’s closest friends were Haru, Makoto and Rin. He treasured what the four of them had because he attended a different school from them, and even if he did they wouldn't be in the same year. When you're in elementary school, the difference a single year makes is about as big as Iwatobi-chan's head (which is _gigantic_ )—because of that, he was envied by his cohort peers for getting in good with the older and cooler kids. He never hesitated to brag about how beautiful Haru-chan’s freestyle was, how powerful Mako-chan’s backstroke was and how cool Rin-chan’s butterfly was to them, even after the relay team disbanded. 

But what he didn't tell them was how _lonely_ it was after Rin left for Australia and Makoto and Haru moved to the middle school group and eventually stopped participating in SC tournaments too.

In a way, Nagisa has always felt like he's being left behind. His older cooler friends all moved on with their lives as though they had no need for constant attention and companionship like he did, and his classmates sometimes keep him at arm’s length when they find him too overwhelming. His sisters are all way older than him, so they tend to gang up on him since he is the helpless, annoying, stupid baby of the bunch. 

But Rei, for all his exasperated scolding and nagging, has never once told Nagisa to shut up or held him at arm’s length. He lets Nagisa chatter his ear off and only tells him to tone it down when they're supposed to be concentrating on doing their work. And for all his initial complaining about Nagisa’s lack of manners when he invites himself over, he has never once slammed the door shut on his face.

Most of all, for all his strict adherence to rules and discrediting of emotions as illogical things that cloud one’s better judgement, Rei sacrificed his spot on the team because Nagisa, Haru and Makoto wanted to swim with Rin again. He gave Nagisa what he always wanted, which was to swim with his old relay team again, like they had never disbanded. Like they had never left him behind in the SC, and then in middle school when Iwatobi SC shut down and all he had to do was study, study and study some more.

The four of them and Rin apologised profusely to their respective teachers and schools for their stunt, and Haru even asked Rei before the relay if he really was okay with it, but Nagisa realises none of them actually thanked Rei.

“Nagisa-kun, you are regarding me with a peculiar expression,” Rei notes. “Is there something on your mind?”

Nagisa grins, then launches himself at Rei and wraps his arms around his midriff. “I'm just really happy that Rei-chan lets me come over, even though I invite myself over unannounced and force food into your mouth and cause you to choke!”

Rei’s eyes widen before softening behind his glasses. “Are you actually developing a sense of shame?”

“Nope! Just telling you how I feel, which is happy. I'm really happy, Rei-chan!”

“Yes, I believe I got that message the first two times, Nagisa-kun.”

“But I'm serious!” Nagisa emphasises, nuzzling his head into Rei’s lap. “Rei-chan is a very, very, _very_ important part of the team. We wouldn't be what we are today if you didn't join us.”

“Well…” Rei shifts uncomfortably. “Initially, I felt like I was just helping to fulfill a quota. You, Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai needed a fourth swimmer on the team so you could participate in relays, and it was just as well that Haruka-senpai’s beautiful freestyleinspired me to try swimming too. But I was never sure if I really was a necessary asset to the team. It would be easy to find another person, possibly someone with actual experience, to join your team, and I was selected simply because I was a boy with a feminine name.”

“But no one wanted to join. Trust me, we all tried. Haru-chan drew these beautiful posters and was nearly _stolen_ by the Art Club ‘cause of that—” Nagisa huffs at the memory of the Art Club president wrapping herself around Haru’s waist and refusing to let go, until Makoto and his sheer brute strength managed to yank Haru free of her grasp. “—and carved the wooden Iwatobi-chan straps to give away to new members, but no one joined. _But_ all that had to happen so we could meet you, Rei-chan! It was fate’s hand all along, guiding our paths to meet.”

“Fate is not something real, but I suppose it was only logical that—given what the circumstantial variables were—we would meet and I would end up joining the swim team. But…” Rei’s smile expands as he looks at Nagisa with a fondness that no one has looked at Nagisa with before. Heat shoots through Nagisa’s body. “I am pleased with how things have turned out. I have learned a great deal about swimming in my three-month tenure on the team—and, more importantly, about the value of friendship. I learned that if you have cultivated a strong bond with other individuals based on shared experiences as well as mutual sentiments of care and affection, that isn't something easily lost. In fact, it's something that can withstand the test of time and life’s numerous obstacles, and I consider myself lucky and privileged to have encountered one of the most beautiful things in the world.”

Nagisa gazes up at Rei in adoration. Rei-chan is really cute when he's talking about things he finds beautiful, even if he uses a lot of unnecessarily big words and long-winded sentences. “Was that why you gave up your spot on the team for Rin-chan? Even though it was, like, really against the rules?”

“Some things are worth breaking the rules for.” 

“That was really brave of you, Rei-chan.”

Rei adjusts his glasses. “I am uncertain if you can call that bravery. I just felt like it was something I had to do, for the sake of my teammates.”

“What theory did you use to come to that conclusion?” Nagisa teases.

“That is a simple question to answer,” Rei says with a haughty sniff. “Based on the theory of estranged childhood friends, I computed the formula of a loaded history together multiplied with experiences apart while also adding other variables such as individual personality characteristics and environmental circumstances, and derived that the most optimal course of action would be to let Rin-san take my place in the relay.”

Nagisa tightens his arms around Rei affectionately. “Then your theories and formulas must be correct, ‘cause this is the happiest I've seen and felt Rin-chan and Haru-chan be after Rin-chan came back from Australia. I'm glad we got the chance to swim with Rin-chan again. Thank you, Rei-chan. _But_ —” He fixes Rei with an imploring look, and Rei doesn't look away. “—next year, Rei-chan _has_ to swim with us in the relay!”

Rei pets Nagisa’s head gently. “Of course I will, Nagisa-kun. After all, next year is our last opportunity to swim with Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai before they graduate.”

“Let’s do our best, Rei-chan! Let’s show Mako-chan and Haru-chan a sight they've never seen before, so they can leave without regrets!”

And unbeknownst to Nagisa and Rei is just how close yet so far away they are from the truth without even realising it.

* * *

_Hayate-san,_

_How are things over at your end? Things have been… well, wild here, I guess, for lack of a better word._

_I told Haru everything about what we learned in Australia, and of my plan to save him. I've ditched that plan, because it wasn't working out. That guy is ridiculous—I insulted him, belittled his teammates, even beat him in a race but he still refused to hate me. If anything, he probably thought_ **_I_ ** _hated him. While that damaged the Bond somewhat, it wasn't enough to completely destroy it. Make of that what you will._

_In any case, I haven't given up fighting for Haru. I still have many more competitions I want to beat his ass in. Honestly speaking, I'm not sure what else I can do to fight GREAT all the way here in Japan. I can't exactly return to Australia, given how narrowly we both escaped with our lives the last time. Plus, I've been appointed captain of the swim team here. I'm not sure why, but Captain Mikoshiba is a strange man._

_By the way, Haru is doing well, I guess. He took all the info I dumped on him more or less well, so that's good. We also got to swim in a relay together. We got disqualified for it, but it sure as hell was worth it. It set my purpose clearer for me, which was to keep fighting for Haru while still treasuring the friends I have. Those two don't have to be mutually exclusive—that’s what he taught me._

_Don't tell him, but I'm worried about him. D-day is coming soon. There isn't much time left before GREAT swoops in and carts him off. I can only hope he’ll continue keeping the secret from the others, but it’s gonna be difficult, what with talks about graduation and university and career prospects next year. If there's anything I can do here, you gotta let me know, because I'm really stuck for ideas here._

_Take care, old man._

_Regards,_

_Matsuoka Rin_

Nanase Hayate traces a finger over Rin’s sharp, angular handwriting, careful not to exert his wrist too much. The wound is shallow, thankfully, but at his age he needs to be careful, especially now that there’s only one person he can trust in this situation he is in.

He really has to wonder how he’s come to trust a teenaged boy more than the properly trained adults in the special forces. Well, all of his allies are now dead so there's that. He can't trust any of the current members in the special forces, either, what with rumours of snakes and corruption and betrayals abound. 

The other thing is that kids these days apparently don't know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Or maybe they're just too dumb to be afraid. Nevertheless, Chie would probably insist that a certain type and amount of stupidity is necessary to get things done. If that Rin boy were any smarter, he probably wouldn't have taken action at all, and Hayate probably wouldn't know what he knows now if it weren't for that boy’s idiotic bravery.

Hayate rereads the last two paragraphs several more times, committing each word to memory. Out of the entire report, that bit about Haruka is the most important to him. When she was still alive, Chie constantly nagged him about returning more often to see Haruka, that he was missing out on how fast Haruka was growing up and that Haruka missed him. Up to now, he still isn't sure how she knew about the last bit, considering Haruka was even more reserved than Hayate had been at his age, and he'd been named Heartless Hayate by a number of his peers in his youth. His wife worked in mysterious ways. 

He folds the paper and slots it into a file where he keeps all the reports Rin sends to him, then turns his attention back to his computer and the numerous hard-drives scattered around it. Rin is right—they’re losing time. _Haruka_ is losing time, and they're maybe a mere 30 percent closer to freeing him than when they had started five years ago. Hayate needs to step it up. 

After no less than fifteen minutes, Hayate manages to crack through the first wall of encrypted code. His eyes scan the screen, absorbing all the information present as fast as humanly possible, before widening.

Sweden, huh? The Swedish branch of GREAT has been a part of this superhuman-mermaid race to satisfy the higher-ups' conquest all this time, huh?

Well, it’s not what Hayate was originally looking for, but…

This could prove interesting for Haruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reigisa was 100% self-indulgent and i regret nothing. 
> 
> if you're enjoying this, please leave some feedback :D thanks for reading! 
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	12. three hundred and sixty-five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s the final year, isn't it?”

After the fateful summer tournament, summer gives way to autumn, which in turn bows aside for winter AKA Haru’s most hated season because he can't go out and swim. The rebuilding of Iwatobi SC is a tiny beacon of hope at the end of the dreadfully long tunnel, but until it’s complete in spring he’ll just have to make do with tub water.

New Year’s Eve comes and goes with Nagisa all but dragging Rei, Haru, Makoto and even Rin (who returned home for winter break, much to the delight of Gou) to the town shrine to usher in the new year. Haru has never liked this time of the year, given how much of a barbed reminder it is of how little time he has left with his friends, but for the sake of getting to spend time with them, he goes along with Nagisa’s whims. He even lets Rin drag him into another one of his stupid competitions, this time about who draws the _Great Luck_ fortune at the shrine. Haru draws _Half Luck_ while Rin draws _Regular Luck,_ so they take the only reasonable course of action to settle the inconclusive score—blame Makoto. 

The subsequent two weeks into the new year pass by without much event. The usual cycle happens—Haru’s body wakes up at six-fifteen to soak in the tub for an hour before Makoto inevitably shows up to drag him to school, after which he spends about six hours in school looking out of the window and wishing for warmer temperatures. After classes, he drops by the pool to give it a longing look before reluctantly letting Makoto steer him home. 

Despite not being able to swim, Haru keeps himself in shape by jogging with Makoto in the evenings and the team on weekends, since this will be his last year of participating in high school swimming tournaments. Or the last year he will get to participate in _any_ tournament, for that matter. While he still couldn't care less about winning or losing, he has a feeling the team will want to participate in a medley relay again this year, and though he’ll never admit it he wants to do his best for them. In fact, that's his entire motivation to get him through this final year before D-Day—to swim with his friends one last time, and make them as happy as possible before GREAT descends upon him like a hawk and snatches him away from the comfortable sleepiness of Iwatobi.

Nothing noteworthy happens, until Gou gathers them on the roof one Friday afternoon during their lunch break to make a Very Important Announcement Because It's Important. 

“Onii-chan warmly invites us to Samezuka’s formal farewell race for the senpai,” Gou says, planting her hands on her hips and looking pleased with herself. “It’s tomorrow, ten-thirty sharp in the morning.”

Nagisa claps his hands excitedly, Makoto graces her with a curious smile, and Rei arches his eyebrows.

Haru sighs. What a pain, and he was hoping he could spend more time in the tub tomorrow since it’s the weekend. “Do we _have_ to go?”

“We can't turn down a gracious invitation from a rival school, Haruka-senpai!” Gou admonishes with a stern wag of her finger. “Think of it as a good opportunity to network with a prominent team in the high school swimming circle. You never know how valuable these contacts can be. Besides, it’s quite a special occasion for Onii-chan too! I'm sure he’ll love to have you guys there!”

“Ooh!” Nagisa chirps, as easily excited as ever. “Is something happening to Rin-chan? What is it, what is it?”

Gou just giggles elusively. “Ah, it’s better if you guys see for yourselves.”

“Ehh? C’mon, Gou-chan, tell us!” But when Gou continues smiling in that mysterious way, Nagisa’s head droops in disappointment, before abruptly perking up again when a new idea seems to occur to him. “Let’s guess! Maybe the swim team has a secret cult only for the Worthy—” The capital W is audible, somehow. “—and tomorrow they're officially inducting Rin-chan as a formal member!”

“That is not only illogical but also completely unfathomable, Nagisa-kun,” Rei snaps. “There is no plausible way an ordinary high school will have ties to a _cult._ Maybe it’s Rin-san’s birthday tomorrow too, so they are celebrating it together with the senpai’s farewell.”

Makoto shakes his head. “Rin’s birthday isn't for another two weeks. Though it _is_ possible it's an early celebration.”

“Or maybe Rin-chan’s _already_ in the cult and they're going to promote him to the head!”

“I told you, Nagisa-kun, there is no cult in Samezuka’s swim team!”

“Ehh, Rei-chan, you’re such a wet blanket.”

“I most certainly am not! Please stop likening me things to such disgraceful items!”

Haru sighs again, tuning out the rest of their argument. Rin can do whatever he wants at Samezuka—why does Haru have to spend his precious bath time at a school he doesn't even attend? What a bother. 

Makoto shifts closer to him and shoots Haru his usual knowing smile. “Well, at least there’s an indoor pool there, Haru.”

The two magic words do the trick—Haru can _feel_ the last of his stubborn refusal crumble away. He has nothing against his tub, but after nearly five months of it being the only body of water he can soak in without getting banned from pet shops or home-fix department stores, it tumbles and crashes in a heap of debris and dusty smoke.

But not to let Makoto get the last word, Haru fixes him with a scowl and mutters a curt “Whatever” before sharply turning his head.

Even so, he can't help longing for tomorrow, and for larger, clearer bodies of water after five months of dryness.

* * *

Of all the ways Haru has been expecting to spend his Saturday morning, witnessing most of the Samezuka team all but passed out by the poolside is not one of them.

At the opposite end of the pool from where Haru and his team are standing, Mikoshiba slams his hands against the wall before ripping his goggles and caps and bellowing, “All right! Isn't there anyone here who can beat me? C’mon, bring it!”

“Is… is this the third-years’ send-off race?” Makoto ventures, mirroring Haru’s confusion. 

Gou nods seriously. Her eyes remain trained on the swimmers by the pool who look like they're mere inches from the sweet release of death. Haru thinks about Nagisa’s speculations from yesterday, and he wonders if these are the guys who failed Samezuka’s cult initiation ceremony. If this is what he's gonna have to watch Rin go through, he'd rather be at home. 

“Looks like a vicious battle…” Makoto mumbles. Sympathy pours out from his end of the Bond. 

Nagisa’s eyes are wide with interest, and a grin spreads across his face. “What kind of harrowing trial is this? Looks like fun!”

The red Bond lights up with renewed intensity just before the voice it belongs to speaks up. “A 100-meter race, one hundred times. It’s Samezuka’s tradition to keep going until someone beats the captain.”

“Rin,” Haru exclaims, turning to the source of the voice. 

Rin grins at them, one hand on his hip. Like the other swimmers, he's dressed in his legskins and his goggles are strapped around his head, with the only difference being the unzipped Samezuka jacket hanging off him. “Yo. Thanks for coming.”

“Have you raced him yet, Rin-chan?” Nagisa asks eagerly.

“Nope, not yet. He still has five more guys to go through before it’s my turn.”

“But logically speaking,” Rei says with a push of his glasses, “racing one hundred meters one hundred times can't be possible.”

Haru isn't sure about that. If he shifted forms, he could probably cover twice that distance without breaking a sweat.

Rin just shakes his head. “Captain Mikoshiba defies logic.”

As if waiting for someone to say his name to summon him, Mikoshiba climbs out of the pool—like he just dipped in for a quick frolic in the water instead of swimming a hundred meters several hundred times in a row—and greets them with a broad grin. “Hey! You guys came to watch too? How about a race to mark the occasion?”

Haru’s eyes widen with almost reverent eagerness, while the others let out surprised gasps. Well, what were they expecting? They’ve been invited to a _pool_ —it’s only common sense they swim.

“Who?” Makoto stammers. “Us?”

 _No, the other Iwatobi High School swim club,_ Haru just barely manages to hold himself back from saying.

“But we’re not even on your team,” Rei points out. Well, it’s not like that stopped the other three from breaking and entering into Samezuka’s private pool last April.

“C’mon, don't be shy!” Mikoshiba booms, like he regularly invites rival teams for a swim in his school’s pool for non-training-related purposes. “Let’s go, Samezuka versus Iwatobi, 400-meter freestyle relay!” He turns to Rin with the eyes of a hawk. “Matsuoka, you're swimming in this one!”

Rin takes this sudden news thrust upon him with a nonchalant “Oh, okay.'' 

Mikoshiba turns to the rest of his dying teammates. “Who else wants in?”

Behind the rows of hunched-over sweaty guys, a small grey-haired boy stumbles out and nearly slips on a puddle (whether it’s water, sweat or tears, Haru isn't sure) in his haste to make himself visible to his captain. “M—me please!” he cries out, his arm shooting into the air.

“All right! Come on over, Nitori!”

As Mikoshiba continues calling out for any teammate who is not at death’s door and is willing to participate in the impromptu relay, Makoto and Rei desperately try to convince him they're just here to witness the send-off race as a friendly rival team, while Nagisa watches the scene unfold before him with curious eyes and his mouth forming a small ‘O’. 

Haru clicks his tongue in annoyance. Their reluctance to swim for reasons as inane as it not being their purpose for being here won't stop _him_ from getting some. With the grace of someone who's spent his whole life undressing with Guinness-worthy time at the sight of a body of water, Haru flings his clothes off with a single smooth motion, leaving him in his usual black-and-violet jammers. 

“Haru!” Makoto wails, scandalised, as he covers his burning face with his hand. 

Nagisa smiles with great mirth, Rei looks like he'd rather denounce all his theories than be associated with Haru’s stripping tendencies, and Gou starts glowing and sparkling as she usually does at the sight of muscles.

“Oh my! His triceps are staring at me!” she giggles.

“Turns out he was wearing his swimsuit under his uniform… _again…_ ” Rei mutters.

Makoto removes his hand from his face to reveal an exasperatedly fond smile. “Guess there's no helping it, since there _is_ a pool here.”

“That's right!” Nagisa says, winking.

“Eh…?” Rei asks. His question is left hanging in the air, unanswered, as Makoto and Nagisa whip out their swimsuits from their bags in unison.

“Actually…” they say, smiling apologetically at him.

“Why on earth do you have those?!” Rei demands, appalled.

 _Why do YOU not have yours?_ Haru wonders. It’s common sense to at the very least bring your swimsuit with you to any given pool if you're not going to take the more efficient route of wearing it under your clothes.

“I had a feeling Haru would want to swim, so…”

“Traitors!” Rei screeches.

Behind him, Mikoshiba places a firm hand on his shoulder, smiling with all the charity of Mother Teresa. “I told you, there's no need to be shy! Nitori!”

“Right!” Rin’s small grey-haired kouhai—Nitori, that's his name—grabs Rei’s wrist and leads him away. “This way, please!”

Rei’s pleas of “You're mistaken! I'm honestly not being shy!” fade into the distance as Nitori all but manhandles him into the changing room.

Haru waits with waning patience for Rei to emerge in one of Samezuka’s speedos. Honestly, that guy. If it weren't for him, Haru could already be reuniting with the pool.

The red Bond grows brighter as Rin falls into place beside Haru. “Yo, Haru. Can't believe you still haven't drilled it into their heads to wear their swimsuits under their clothes.”

“They can do what they want,” Haru says evenly, ignoring his annoyance at Rei. 

Rin laughs and nudges him none too gently. “That's so like you, even though you're pissed.”

“I'm not mad.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I'm not.”

“Yes, you—oh, forget it. Haru.” And just like that, Rin’s prior lighthearted teasing tone lowers into something graver. “It’s the final year, isn't it?”

Haru turns his head away from Rin archly. “I came here to swim, not talk about that.” 

Rin huffs out an impatient sigh. “Oi, you can't avoid thinking about it forever. You haven't been responding to my texts, and when we got to meet up on New Year’s Eve you still didn't want to talk about it.”

“What's there to talk about? No amount of talking will change what's going to happen.”

“Yes, it can. We need to step up our efforts to save you. Don't you want to save yourself?”

Haru ignores Rin’s piercing glare, Nagisa’s curious look and Makoto’s worried gaze in favour of staring at the pool ahead. “I gave up eleven years ago.”

“Doesn't mean I will,” Rin says fiercely. “We need as many heads as possible to work on this. How can you just give up when you still have a chance—”

“Rei is back,” Haru interrupts in a tone indicating he won't be entertaining any more stupid discussion about things that can't be changed. He turns to regroup with Nagisa, Makoto and Rei—who's wearing the same pair of dark blue speedos he was loaned the first time the team visited Samezuka for a joint practice—ignoring Rin’s final hiss of “This is not over yet”. As far as Haru is concerned, it’s all over for him.

“Is everything okay between you and Rin?” Makoto asks, his eyebrows knotting with his usual worry.

“Ooh, did you and Rin-chan fight?” Nagisa pipes up. He throws out some faux punches akin to the professional boxers he's probably seen on TV.

“No,” Haru says with forced calm. He ignores the residual irritation bubbling in the red Bond. “It’s just Rin being an idiot again.”

The red irritation spikes, but Mikoshiba gathers his own makeshift relay team before Rin can act on it. Haru glances at Rin out of the corner of his eye, and he notices that Rin’s expression has smoothed over from its earlier frown into a perfectly neutral one. Huh. So he's gotten a better control over his temper now.

In no time, Gou is announcing the Samezuka versus Iwatobi freestyle relay race. Makoto and Samezuka’s first swimmer leap into the pool, and with sheer overwhelming power, Makoto pulls ahead. It has been a while since Haru has watched Makoto swim front crawl—he is reminded once more of how differently the two of them interact with the water, even with the same stroke. While the water accepts Haru and brings him along its gentle currents like a mother guiding her toddler, Makoto simply powers through it. His prowess in the pool doesn't come from the water but from within himself. Haru still thinks Makoto uses too much power like some brutish idiot, but he's not one to nag at others on how they should swim—people can interact with the water as they please.

Makoto approaches the starting line first. The excitement of getting to swim with friends again sings loud and clear from the yellow Bond, and it gets Haru’s blood pumping a little faster than before. Nagisa has that effect on people.

“I'm not losing to you, Ai-chan!” Nagisa sings to Nitori, Samezuka’s second-in-line, with a playful wink.

“Please don't call me that!” Nitori protests.

Nagisa just laughs like the little shit he is. “Well—” He steps on to the starting block as Makoto is a mere twenty meters away and pulls his goggles over his eyes. “—I’ll be going on ahead first!”

Nagisa’s dive syncs near-perfectly with Makoto’s touchdown. His front crawl lacks Makoto’s raw power or the grace that comes with being accepted by the water, but it’s still fast and almost _playful_ looking, like he's frolicking in the pool and not having a race with a rival team. Even while looking like he's partying his heart out, Nagisa maintains their lead over Samezuka.

After Nagisa tumbles underwater and pushes off the opposite wall, Rei climbs on the starting block at the same time as Mikoshiba. That means… Haru’s head turns to face Rin beside him. A thrill lights up the red-blue Bond, though whether it’s his or Rin’s, he can't tell.

 _Just because Rin is an annoying pushy shit doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to swimming with him again,_ Haru concedes. More importantly, he just wants to feel proper pool water enveloping him in its embrace after a five-month dry period.

“Oi, why am I getting a feeling you're backhandedly complimenting me in your head?” Rin hisses, careful not to let his voice drift over to his captain.

Haru rolls his eyes. “Focus on your own race, Rin.”

Rin’s mouth stretches into a shark-like grin. “Oh, I will. I'm gonna serve your ass back to you on a gleaming silver platter, so watch out.”

What a needlessly elaborate threat. Still, the idea of Rin anywhere near his ass is unpleasant, so Haru resolves to ignore him until it’s his turn to swim.

Rei dives into the pool a second after Nagisa touches the wall and begins his butterfly stroke, which produces more splashes than necessary. But it’s not too bad, considering he's been out of practice for as long as Haru.

“Eh? That's allowed?” Amakata-sensei asks. “I thought this is a freestyle race!”

“That's right!” Gou answers. “That just means they can use any stroke they want. Most choose to swim front crawl 'cause it’s the fastest, but since Rei-kun can only swim butterfly…”

Mikoshiba lets out a booming guffaw. “If that's the case then I shall use butterfly too!”

He doesn't waste even half a second after Nitori slams his hands against the wall. He pounces into a water like a tiger in hot pursuit of its prey, and with that one leap he manages to close the gap between Iwatobi and Samezuka by a clean half. Taller and more experienced than Rei, Mikoshiba rapidly catches up until they're nearly shoulder-to-shoulder. To make things worse, Rei’s goggles start to slip off his face.

 _This wouldn't have happened if he packed his swimsuit,_ Haru remarks blandly.

After the two make the turn, Haru and Rin climb onto the blocks at the same time.

“This is our first freestyle relay against you guys, isn't it?” Rin asks conversationally. 

“Yeah,” Haru says, wondering what kind of weird intimidation technique this is.

“Sorry, but my team will be winning today, Haru.”

Haru arches his head dismissively. “I don't care about winning. I just want to swim.”

Rin's eyes bore into him before he just sighs. “Jeez, you're still saying the same thing.”

Haru shifts his attention back to the pool, where Rei is quickly approaching the base just a neck ahead of Mikoshiba. Haru’s upper body is already moving into the dive just as Rei’s hands hit the wall and he cries out Haru’s name.

The moment the water wraps him up in a gentle welcome-back hug, Haru could almost cry in relief. Too long, it’s been too long. The feeling of the pool’s smooth, supple ripples shifting and ebbing to make a place for him in their depths—it’s like chancing upon an oasis spring after being forced to wander the desert for months on end with no water in sight.

But Haru doesn't get to enjoy this bliss for long, as the water in the neighbouring lane rapidly and paradoxically lights up aflame with Rin forcing his way through it. The familiar pressure behind Haru threatening to catch up to him if he lets his guard down by even a fraction—it sends a thrill up his spine. His lips curl into the barest of smiles.

_Bring it, Rin._

* * *

In the end, Samezuka beats Iwatobi by a mere 1.2 seconds according to Gou’s stopwatch.

“How does getting your ass handed back to you feel, Haru?” Rin crows, planting his hands on his hips.

“Good for you, Rin,” Haru says calmly. He refuses to rise to Rin's cheap baiting.

“Still, I feel bad ‘cause you didn't get to swim much during the colder seasons.” Rin frowns before it settles into an expression of determination. “Fine. I won't count this as a personal victory over you, but prepare yourself for the summer tournament, Haru! We’ll settle the score there.”

Haru has nothing against this arrangement, so he settles for a shrug.

“How frustrating! We were so close to winning!” Nagisa and Rei wail together, even slamming their fists on an imaginary table in sync like they're two connected marionettes.

Makoto chuckles. The affection ebbing from the green Bond—he probably finds them cute, Haru deduces, and he glances up from drying his hair to look at Makoto. “But it sure was fun to have a race again, wasn't it?”

Haru smiles, remembering how nice it was to finally be in water again. “Yeah.”

“All of you have worked really hard,” Mikoshiba announces from the adjacent side of the pool, catching Iwatobi’s attention with his booming voice. “Today marks the retirement of us third-years. We leave with no regrets. _However!_ ” he adds in a roar. Immediately, his subjects save for Rin quake before his menacing aura. “Your peaceful days won't last for long! This April, a fearsome new face will enter this club, so enjoy the rest of your lives while you can! _GYAH-HA-HA-HA!_ ”

“What kind of villain is he supposed to be?” Rei mutters exasperatedly, while Nagisa beside him watches the scene before him with fascination like this is another one of his favourite horror flicks.

Makoto just chuckles, and Haru watches unfazed and only a little annoyed by such outlandish displays of boisterousness. 

“Matsuoka!” Mikoshiba barks, and that's what really captures Haru’s attention. 

“Yes, Captain.” Rin steps forward, as if he already knows what his captain is about to say.

Mikoshiba pierces him with a hard stare. “Starting tomorrow, you are the new captain.”

“Ehh? Rin-chan? Captain?” Nagisa whisper-shouts. His eyes are wide and starry.

Haru’s eyebrows quirk up. Who would've thought? Certainly not Rin, if his hesitant and resigned expression is anything to go by, and Rin is anything _but_ those two qualities. 

Rin nods in quiet acknowledgement of his new responsibility.

Mikoshiba’s stern expression holds out for a few more seconds before it gives way to a genuine smile. “Take care of my team!”

Rin’s eyes lower, as if ashamed. Everyone in the complex, including the spectators upstairs, are silent as they await his response. Nervousness pumps in thick waves through the red Bond. In response, Haru remains calm, hoping it’ll reach Rin and ground him.

As though empowered, Rin raises his chin to meet his captain’s hopeful look. “Yes, sir. I’ll do my best.”

Samezuka, its spectators and Gou burst into applause to welcome their new captain, while Iwatobi watches with a mixture of surprise and curiosity.

“Wow, I can't believe Rin-chan is the new captain!” Nagisa chirps. “I seriously thought he was gonna be promoted to cult head.”

“There is no cult in Samezuka!” Rei snaps. “In any case, Rin-san doesn't seem like the captain type…”

Gou whirls on him, eliciting a flinch from all of them. She's scary when angered. “What are you talking about?!” she snaps, showing off the trademark Matsuoka fire in her glower. “Whatever way you look at him, Onii-chan’s muscles are totally captain-class!”

“ _Just_ his muscles?!”

Starting to feel tired, Haru tunes out the soon-to-be second-years’ argument and focuses on the new developments taking place within Samezuka. This could prove good for Haru. If Rin is kept busy running his team, perhaps he won't bother Haru about the future anymore.

* * *

Haru and Makoto’s final trimester as sophomores comes to an uneventful close. Spring break is spent doing land work-outs with the team and Gou monitoring their muscles dutifully, getting dragged into various festivals and adventures by Nagisa, and occasionally being invited to Samezuka’s pool. Each time the third event happens, Rin tries to corner Haru—much to Haru’s displeasure—but he manages to shake Rin off without too much trouble each time.

Two weeks before the new school year is to bare its fangs and attack, Gou decides to organise a Very Important Club Meeting Because It’s Important at Haru’s home. Haru would normally protest the others using his house as the default meeting place, but he remembers his resolution for this year, so he keeps his usual grievances to himself. In fact, he even goes out of his way to make the living room presentable. He dusts off table tops, sweeps and mops the floor, and prepares green tea and several plates of grilled mackerel, one for him and the rest for the others to share.

Since Haru didn't bother to lock the door when he knew he'd be having guests over, a few polite knocks resound from outside before Makoto slides the door open and shepherds Gou, Nagisa and Rei in.

"Hey, Haru."

“Yahho, Haru-chan!”

“Greetings, Haruka-senpai.”

“Thanks for having us over, Haruka-senpai!” Gou marches to where Haru is seated at the table and plonks herself down in front of him. “Did you get started on some ideas for the recruitment posters?”

“Did a couple of sketches.” Haru shows her his sketchbook, which she flips through with great interest. The first ten or so pages contain sketches as well as the final drafts of last year’s posters; the rest are filled with sketches for this year. The first one is of a team of Iwatobi-chans dressed in different swimsuits ranging from legskins to jammers to speedos to one-piece female swimsuits (there might be girls interested in swimming instead of managing, after all), posing in front of a pool. The second one depicts the same team of Iwatobi-chan’s swimming a relay. He fell asleep in the middle of drawing this one last night, since it was past his usual bedtime, so all it depicts is a scene of a disembodied Iwatobi-chan beak hovering over Speedo!Iwatobi-chan and the pool.

“B… beautiful,” Rei murmurs, his eyes starry and mesmerised.

“Right…” Makoto mutters.

“Ooh, are all your ideas gonna be Iwatobi-chan-themed, Haru-chan?” Nagisa demands, practically shoving his face into Haru’s in his eagerness. “We can do another Iwatobi-chan giveaway this year! We can redesign the Iwatobi-chan straps, and then include exclusive drawings of Iwatobi-chan autographed by Haru-chan himself to new members!”

“We can worry about merch later,” Gou orders. She slams her hands on the table, calling all attention back to herself. “The most urgent thing we _should_ be worrying about now is the recruitment assembly on the first day of school! We need to brainstorm ideas that will make us, Iwatobi High’s very own swim club, stand out from the other clubs. Does anyone have any ideas?”

A thoughtful silence hangs over the group. Since this isn't his forte, Haru picks up his pencil and resumes working on the second sketch. However, he soon finds himself in a bind—no matter how he tries to draw Legskin!Iwatobi-chan diving in, it just doesn't look _right._ This drawing is not accepting him. However, Haru doesn’t fret or growl in frustration or rip the page out. Instead, he simply flips over to a brand new page and lets his pencil dart over it freely, all the while listening with one ear open as the others throw out ideas for recruitment.

“I know, I know!” Nagisa bounces up and down on his cushion, nearly sloshing green tea over Rei. 

“Be careful with that, Nagisa-kun!” comes the predictable squawk of indignation.

Nagisa grins sheepishly and places his cup down. “Sorry, sorry. I just got hit with a _brilliant_ idea! We can do a—” He drums his hands on the table in three rolls, causing Haru’s pencil to jerk and leave a jagged black streak across the page. He whips his head up to quell Nagisa’s drum-roll with a glare, which Nagisa doesn't notice. “—skit!”

“A. Skit.”

“Yes, Rei-chan, don't sound so doubtful. Listen, imagine this! Scene: Iwatobi Town,” Nagisa says, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Gou-chan is stranded and helpless on the beach as the villain approaches her with an evil leer. The poor damsel—what unthinkable evil will befall her?”

Rei’s eyebrows twitch. “And let me guess, the villain is—”

“Rei-chan, of course!”

“WHY AM _I_ THE VILLAIN?!”

“‘Cause you're really good at the evil laugh! Like—” Nagisa puffs his chest out, pushes a pair of imaginary glasses up his nose and tosses his head back in a scarily accurate imitation of Rei’s cackle. “—that!”

“I do _not_ laugh like that!” Rei snaps with great vehemence. “And this whole idea is, frankly, nothing short of absurd—”

“Mako-chan enters the scene and spots the poor damsel, cornered by evil villain Rei-chan!” Nagisa continues as if not hearing Rei. “Mako-chan is helpless ‘cause he's an ordinary civilian, but he knows a way to get help for Gou-chan. Since he's part of the local Iwatobi-chan worshiping cult—”

“And what is it with you and cults, Nagisa-kun?!”

“—he writes some arcane spells in the sand, then does the dogeza in front of the ocean to summon the ocean Kami-sama, which is Haru-chan! Haru-chan Kami-sama will rise up majestically, showing off his scales and massive tail, and summon his army of devoted Iwatobi-chans to attack evil villain Rei-chan! Gou-chan is saved, and then she’ll turn to the audience like—” Nagisa raises the pitch of his voice to a cringe-inducing falsetto. “— _‘If you want to be a hero like Haruka Kami-sama, join the swim club!’_ Then we'll all emerge from backstage to take a bow!”

Rei massages his temples. “There are so many things wrong with this idea I don't even know where to begin. Wait…” His eyes narrow, and he turns to face Nagisa. “What will _you_ be doing, Nagisa-kun?”

“I will be the brilliant director, of course!”

“Of course…”

“Nagisa should act,” Haru says flatly, not looking up from his sketch.

Nagisa spins around on his cushion to grin smugly at Haru. “Oho? Is Haru-chan so taken by my acting skills?”

“It’s because you're so noisy and over-dramatic and extra.”

“Haru-chan, so mean!” Nagisa whines, nuzzling his head into Haru’s stomach. Haru continues drawing, unperturbed.

Makoto clears his throat. “It’s an… interesting idea, Nagisa, but we can't exactly have Haru use his powers onstage. Besides for the fact that we have to keep this a secret, his powers pain him to even use.”

Nagisa sobers up a significant amount. He releases Haru and returns to his cushion. “It doesn't have to be real, obviously! We’ll just paint on the scales and make him wear, like, a long tight skirt that looks like a mermaid tail. I'm sure Ama-chan will happily lend one of her skirts for the team’s sake!”

“I think you're forgetting the part where Haruka-senpai will be unlikely to fit in any of Amakata-sensei’s skirts, Nagisa-kun,” Rei points out, rolling his eyes.

“Then let’s tailor it!”

“Nagisa-kun, we can't just take and tailor our club adviser's clothes!”

Tuning out the unfolding argument, Haru looks up and spots Gou’s pensive frown, and his hand stops drawing. If she's as headstrong and fierce as her brother (and the past year with her has proven she's definitely walking in Rin’s footsteps), she probably doesn't appreciate being shunted off to play a defenseless victim.

“Why does Gou have to be the victim?” Haru asks.

“Haruka-senpai is right!” Rei chimes in. He sounds obscenely delighted at the new fodder he can use to criticise Nagisa’s idea with. “It is incredibly gendered to make Gou-san the helpless damsel in distress for a man to save. If anything, we should reverse the roles. One of _us_ will be the victims and Gou-san will come in and save us. Isn't that a beautiful idea? _GYA-HA-HA-HA!_ ”

Gou waves her hands frantically. “Oh no, I don't like leading roles like that. I prefer working behind the scenes, so I’ll direct and Nagisa-kun should play the victim.”

“Even so, the production of a skit like that might overrun the allocated time we have,” Makoto—the only voice of common sense—says. “Each club has only five minutes _maximum_ to make their pitch. Only long-established clubs with plenty of accolades under their belts like the Film Society or Judo Club can get away with screening short films during their pitch. We, on the other hand, are a club that was only founded last year. _Also,_ in the school’s eyes, we squandered the opportunity to do our school proud at regionals and progress on to nationals by illegally inviting a member from another team to swim on our relay team. Don't apologise, Rei,” he adds when Rei’s eyes drop to the tatami mat. “We’re all grateful to have gotten the opportunity to swim with Rin again, and none of us would go back and change anything, but I'm just saying that's what the situation looks like to the school. In short, we don't have the luxury of time because we haven't proven ourselves worthy of that privilege yet.”

Nagisa nods enthusiastically. “We have to work super hard this year to get loads and loads of new members, and then we’ll go all the way to nationals so we can have more time at next year’s recruitment assembly!”

Haru’s heart sinks to his stomach at the mention of next year, and now that Rei is in on the secret, Makoto and Nagisa don't bother trying to hide the effects of the Bond—their heads whip up in unison, casting worried looks at him. He silently curses the Bond for ruining any prospects of privacy for him. He ignores their looks, picks up his pencil again and hunches over his sketchbook once more to shut out any unpleasant questions that might come his way. 

Nagisa seems to take that as a sign that Haru is okay, so he switches back to his usual enthusiastic self and starts tossing out other ideas—random plots for five-minute long skits, bribing students with a one-year supply of Iwatobi Cream Bread: Swim Club Specials (Rei refutes this by pointing out such a thing doesn't exist), shooting a music video where Haru stars as a mermaid-chef, Makoto as a fireman, Rei as a scientist, himself as an astronaut and a guest star appearance from Rin as a policeman.

“Nagisa-kun, we don't have the time _or_ means to record a song _and_ shoot a music video,” Rei points out. “Plus, we can't exactly have someone from _another school_ feature in our video. Also, what kind of song title is _Future Fish?!_ ”

“A catchy one!”

“A catchy one…”

Makoto shrugs. “It’s alliterative.”

While the others continue brainstorming (read: Nagisa throwing out the most impractical ideas, Rei pointing out why they'll never work and Makoto trying to mediate the discussion with varying degrees of success), Gou sidles over to Haru. He doesn't go out of his way to angle his sketchbook to her, but he shifts his arm to the left so she can get a better look.

Haru likes this sketch better marginally better than the previous two ones—a team of Iwatobi-chan’s dressed as cheerleaders standing together with Coach Sasabe, Gou and Amakata-sensei in the stands, cheering on incomplete sketches of Makoto, Nagisa, Rei and himself swimming their specialty strokes in adjacent lanes. 

“Ooh, this one is really good, Haruka-senpai!” Gou gasps.

Haru shrugs. It’s just a drawing, and not even a complete one.

“Guys, take a look!”

At once, the argument halts, and the others clamber around Haru in excitement. 

“That's amazing, Haru,” Makoto says, his tone so warm something in Haru’s chest melts. But only a little. “You've always been a brilliant artist.”

The tips of Haru’s ears suddenly feel too hot in spring. “It’s just a drawing.”

“Makoto-senpai and Gou-san are right, though,” Rei adds, examining the sketch as critically as he can while viewing it upside-down. “This truly is beautiful, Haruka-senpai.”

“It’s just a drawing.”

“Ah, that's us swimming!” Nagisa cries out. Something seems to strike him, because he immediately perks up and jolts forward on the table to be in the center of all attention. “Hey, hey, I have an idea!”

“How have you not exhausted your ludicrous creativity by now…”

Nagisa pumps his fist in the air in delight. “Let’s air-swim on the stage! In our swimsuits!”

“That's even worse, Nagisa-kun!” Rei exclaims indignantly.

“No, that's _perfect!_ ” Gou squeals, her eyes gleaming.

It’s never a good thing when Nagisa and Gou agree on something. Haru continues drawing, undisturbed, while Rei looks horrified and Makoto worried yet curious.

“Keep the air-swimming,” Gou commands, “but you have to show off your Charm Points too!”

Rei’s eyes join his eyebrows in their twitching. “Do I want to know what you mean by _‘Charm Points’_ , Gou-san?”

“Your best muscle, of course!”

“I should have guessed…” Rei mutters, while Makoto chuckles nervously.

Undeterred, Gou plows on with her idea. “Let’s keep it short and sweet, guys. Go onstage, introduce yourselves, your positions in the club, your specialty stroke and your Charm Point. Ah, but to show off your Charm Point…” She trails off, thinking, and just when Haru thinks he finally has some peace and quiet to complete his sketch, her fist strikes her open palm. “Go onstage dressed in your club jacket and swimsuit, and _strip off your jacket_ as you're introducing yourself! And make sure the audience gets a _big_ eyeful of your muscles!” She starts glowing, complete with sparkles and bubbles floating around her, which means there is no dissuading her now. “It’s perfect!”

“I—I don't know, Gou-chan,” Makoto says, sounding hesitant. “I don't mean to shoot down your idea, but to strip onstage… it’s kinda embarrassing…”

“Nonsense, Mako-chan!” Nagisa declares. “We’re a small club, and this year will be the last year we’ll have Mako-chan and Haru-chan on the team! If we don't get new members this year, it’ll be even harder to do recruitment next year without you two!” He clambers onto Makoto’s lap, shoving his face barely an inch away from Makoto’s. “Do you want that, Mako-chan? Do you _really_ want the swim club to be shut down after how hard we worked to even start the club and then clean and repair the pool and _then_ recruit Rei-chan?!” 

Poor Makoto looks like a pack of starving golden retriever puppies have pounced on him for food when he has nothing to offer. “That—that would not be good, but—”

“We have to use whatever we have to stand out and attract new members! If it means using our bodies then so be it!”

“Please don't make it sound like we are prostituting ourselves just to get new members, Nagisa-kun!” Rei protests, sounding aghast at the very idea. “And Gou-san, I still fail to see how objectifying ourselves will convince the freshmen to join our club.”

Gou clenches her fist with determination. “It will. Trust me, Rei-kun, and trust in the power of muscles! Unless _you_ have a brilliant idea that beats muscles _and_ will make us stand out from the rest.” She sniffs disdainfully, telling them what she thinks of any idea that does not remotely involve muscles.

Rei fumbles, tossing out incomplete sentences and fragmented ideas before eventually relenting. “Fine,” he huffs, “but don't say I didn't warn you.”

Gou ignores him and turns to Haru and Makoto. She's now sparkling with a renewed intensity that borders on aggressive. “Captain, vice-captain, your final verdict please!”

“Well, I don't have any ideas of my own,” Makoto admits with a sheepish smile. “We’ll go with yours, if Haru’s okay with it.”

Haru doesn't look up from his sketch. “Do whatever you want.”

Gou pumps her fist in victory. “Okay, then please leave the preparations to me!”

“Oh, oh!” Nagisa raises his hand again. “Let’s have catchphrases too! Like, Mako-chan can say _‘I have backstroke for days!’_ and then show off his back muscles!” 

Makoto’s entire face goes beet red. “I am _not_ saying that and that's final!”

“But—”

“The captain’s orders are final, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says disapprovingly. “Besides, having to strip onstage in front of the innocent, impressionable freshmen is bad enough as it is, and now you want to add _catchphrases_ too? We are not in a TV show!”

“You don't know that, Rei-chan!”

While Nagisa and Rei continue debating whether or not they are in a TV show, Gou taps Haru’s shoulder.

“Haruka-senpai?”

“Hm?”

She clasps her hands together. “Please add the Charm Points to the poster! We need to build up intrigue and hype for our unique selling point!”

Haru nods. Luckily, he still has some space in the right-most side of the page, so he gets to working in a pop-up bubble to advertise Gou’s new harebrained scheme.

* * *

Even days after his formal appointment as team captain, Rin is still fighting against his unease about his new responsibilities. While he doesn't doubt his ability to carry out his duties and command the freshmen, he worries about what the established members of the team think about this. Surely there are other more suitable candidates for the job than him. He even tried asking Mikoshiba about it, but all he got was a cheerful “Because I want to entrust this team to you!” He nearly tore his hair out in frustration, and he had to resist the urge to point out how much of a _not-_ answer it was out of respect for his now former captain.

Captain Mikoshiba truly is an eccentric man. 

“Rin-senpai? Is something wrong?”

Rin jolts and nearly smashes the top of his skull against Ai’s bunk. “Ai,” he groaned, turning around to scowl at the perpetrator, “how many times did I tell you not to suddenly sneak up on me from behind?”

“Ah, sorry, Rin-senpai!” Ai cries out. He hurries to Rin’s other side so Rin doesn't have to crane his neck to look at him and bows his head in apology. “I forgot how much Rin-senpai hates surprises.”

“It—it’s not that,” Rin mutters, rubbing the sore patch on his head. “Anyway, it’s only polite to make sure the person you're talking to can see you _before_ you start talking.”

“You're right! I will do better next time, Senpai!”

Last year, Rin would've rolled over onto his side to listen to Ai’s inane babbling with half an ear open until it was time for lights-out. After the relay with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa, though, he realised just how important his friends are and how much happier he felt around them. He… he really missed his friends, though he'd sooner let Gou paint his toenails hot pink than admit it. 

Given how much of a grouchy prick he was to the rest of the team up to that point, the closest person he could consider a friend was Ai, so now Rin tries his best to humour his roommate. Hence, he swings his legs over the side of his bunk, leaning closer to Ai with his elbows propped on his thighs. “You asked me something just now, Ai?”

Ai nods earnestly. “I noticed Rin-senpai was down after practice. Is something the matter?”

Rin hesitates for a moment. Given that he's the captain now, how much of his stupid insecurity should he reveal to Ai? Will that smudge the rose-tinted lenses Ai seems to always view him with, no matter how much of an ass he tends to be? 

But out of everyone last year, when Rin was in that dark place thinking he had to do everything alone, it was always Ai who stuck by him—who helped him with his training, who continually encouraged and engaged him despite his coldness, who even swept Rin yelling at him under the rug like it was nothing even though he'd been visibly frightened by the outburst.

Ai is not just some upstart first-year who noses into Rin’s business and hero-worships him. Well, he does that, but above it all… he is Rin’s friend.

“Just thinking about captainship,” Rin says, never looking away from Ai. Ai holds his gaze with all the seriousness of this being a strict business discussion, complete with NDAs signed and all that fancy crap. “Wondering why Captain Mikoshiba trusted me out of all the second-years to take over the team. You must've seen how mixed the reactions were. I know some of them—quite a lot of them, actually—have their doubts about me, and I don't blame them.” He huffs out a self-deprecating chuckle. “You saw how I was last year. I was a right pain in the ass. I didn't talk to any of them, I selfishly focused on my own goals, and I humiliated our team with my crappy freestyle at regionals. I even swam for another team’s relay. Hell, I didn't even join the team till last year, while the other sophomores had been on the team since they were in their first year. I just—what the hell was Captain Mikoshiba thinking, appointing a guy like me to lead his team?”

Instead of jumping to reassure Rin that he's amazing and wonderful and strong like Ai always does, he takes a moment to mull over Rin’s words, which Rin appreciates. Ai is taking him as seriously as he's taking Ai.

At last, Ai speaks. It’s with careful deliberation, which Rin also appreciates. “I think… I think Captain Mikoshiba wanted to give Rin-senpai an opportunity to learn and grow as a person.”

“I guess, but still,” Rin mutters. “It’s kind of a crazy risk to take, wasn't it? I mean, imagine if I were still that same prick I was last year and Captain appointed _that_ guy to lead the team—that would've been a recipe for disaster.”

“But that’s it, Rin-senpai!”

“Huh, the recipe for—”

“No, no, not that,” Ai interjects, shaking his head empathetically. “Rin-senpai is not the Matsuoka-senpai of last year. Rin-senpai has changed for the better. Captain Mikoshiba must've seen that and decided you would be a good captain. He must've seen how, in spite of your bad blood with Nanase-san and the others, you returned to them and swam with them in the relay. He saw how loyal you were to your old friends, despite whatever falling out you previously had with them—and more importantly, he saw your change of heart towards them. He probably thought if you could have such a change of heart with your old friends, you could have the same change of heart towards the team.

“And you did, didn't you? You started helping out more in the team and participating in more team outings. You even organised the trip to see the last of the cherry blossoms before summer ended!”

Rin’s face heats up at the memory. It was more of a stupid whim than anything else, but leave it to Mikoshiba to take his words with total seriousness and strong-arm him into organising the trip despite Rin being exhausted from exams and, more importantly, wanting to hide his romantic dumbass side from the team. It’s too late, and now his fellow second-years call him Sakurin just to fuck with him. Assholes.

Ai regards him with a soft smile. “Captain Mikoshiba saw how much you were changing for the better, so he appointed you captain so you could continue to change while also helping our team to grow. Besides,” he adds with a sheepish laugh, “for what it’s worth, I think Rin-senpai will make an amazing captain.”

“Eh? But I haven't even—I haven't really done anything captain-like.”

Ai’s smile remains. “I keep telling everyone, from Captain Mikoshiba to Sugimoto-sensei to the other guys on the team—Rin-senpai is very kind, a lot kinder than he looks sometimes.”

“Oi, what was that backhanded compliment for, ya little punk?” Rin teases, grabbing Ai and pulling him into a headlock. “Huh? I'm a lot kinder than I _look?_ ”

“Ah ah ah that hurts I'm sorry Rin-senpai!” Ai wails, and Rin loosens his grip just a little. Ai gasps for air and readjusts his collar. “Besides for kind, Rin-senpai is also very organised and responsible. After all, you were the one who helped me to reorganise my stuff, and now it’s a lot faster for me to find my things!”

Rin’s eyebrow twitches at the memory of how much of a revolting pigsty Ai’s side of the room was before he finally had enough. “Anyone would be organised compared to you…”

“Yes, see? Rin-senpai is also no-nonsense, which is good for managing a big team like Samezuka, and you're also one of the best swimmers on the team.”

“Strong swimmers don't always make good leaders."

Ai nods. “Yes, Rin-senpai is right. A number of the current senpai are excellent swimmers, but not all of them would make good leaders,” he whispers, as if afraid their neighbours are eavesdropping on them with a glass pressed against the wall. “Rin-senpai is the most organised, no-nonsense and capable out of everyone. Also, I suppose being a strong swimmer will also make the send-off race a lot more of a challenge for the kouhai.”

“I guess I should start preparing for my own send-off race, then. A hundred laps of one hundred meters, just to keep up the tradition," Rin deadpans. Well, if he was able to beat Mikoshiba (the only one, though just barely), he should be able to hold his own next year.

But then his heart sinks to his gut at the thought of next year. _Next year._ Under normal circumstances, the prospect of an entire year would be like peeking into a tunnel, only to see endless darkness with the light on the other end barely a flicker.

However, with GREAT and its sharp claws dangling over Haru’s head, waiting for graduation to pass so they can finally snatch him up, the days seem to be going by far too _fast._ Twenty-four hours is far too short—Rin needs more time. _Haru_ needs more time, but every day Rin spends in Japan—his nerves coiling up in tighter and tighter knots, threatening to tear at the slightest bit of shock while waiting for news of anything he can do to contribute to the war—is another day wasted, and another day Haru won't get back.

If Rin feels _this_ wound up just thinking about it, he can't imagine how Haru must be feeling.

It’s not enough for just Rin and Hayate to be fighting this war against GREAT. They need more; they need more hands on deck, more heads put together to think of a way to give Haru the freedom he wants but has given up for himself.

More, but how? Unless…

_No way._

Rin can't believe he is actually thinking of this, considering how hard he's been working to keep this a secret, but…

 _Maybe it’s time. We can't fight this alone anymore._ Especially not Rin, who has new responsibilities to balance on top of his studies and this war.

“Rin-senpai?” Ai asks, tilting his head to the side. “Is everything okay?”

Rin blinks. “Oh yeah, totally.” He reaches out and ruffles Ai’s hair. “Thanks for answering my question, Ai. You're the best.”

Ai’s cheeks flood with colour, but a pleased grin stretches across his face. “Anytime, Senpai!”

Rin keeps the smile on his face until Ai is safely up in his bunk, then lets it slide off. He swipes across his phone screen and stares at the calendar, burning the circled date in his mind.

D-Day. He has exactly one year left before D-Day arrives with its claws and knives and guns, and leaves him with one less Haru to swim with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always wondered what mikoshiba's intentions were when he appointed rin the new captain. on a meta level, i guess it's convenient to have a character the audience is already familiar with to be the captain of the designated rival team, rather than to introduce another character to replace mikoshiba. but it's not all that clear in the anime itself because when rin himself asked mikoshiba, all he said was "I want to entrust this team to you". plus, the anime jumps straight from the regional tournament to the send-off race (with a small montage in season 1's finale ED), so there are a lot of events in-between we don't get to see—and i figured in that in-between period, rin has shown improvements in his attitude towards the team—he became more of a team player, and he worked hard to atone for what he did at regionals—which was ultimately why mikoshiba chose him to be captain.
> 
> the NYE fortune-drawing competition was based on [this drama track](https://nagisaperopero.tumblr.com/post/120536107421/free-illustration-works-vol2-track-05). it's hilarious so i highly recommend you listen to it at least once!
> 
> thank you for reading and for your feedback! if you enjoyed this, please leave some feedback :-)
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/) :)


	13. learned helplessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin thinks of the bombs inside of himself, Makoto and Nagisa.
> 
> He thinks of the five years of torture Haru went through that he didn't speak of until he was discovered. He thinks of how Haru must've been filled with hope for a new beginning when his grandparents saved him and chased GREAT out of the country. 
> 
> He thinks of several faceless Australian monsters descending upon twelve-year-old Haru’s home to deliver the news of the ultimatum— _Sell yourself to us, or watch your friends literally blow up from inside out._
> 
> And then he thinks of the subsequent six years Haru has spent with the secret killing him on the inside, while he wears that aloof mask on the outside.

Days after the recruitment assembly, all the club rooms and booths are flooded with eager first-years—all except for the swim club, that is.

 _Why?_ Haru wonders. He clutches the gate and stares forlornly at the bustling school grounds, a stark contrast to the lonesome poolside with only his teammates for company. Why is no one interested in swimming when they have a perfectly good pool available? He genuinely thought Gou’s idea of showing off their Charm Points would make them stand out—after all, how many other clubs flaunted how fast they can strip _and_ their best muscles?

“I _told_ you we shouldn't have done the ‘Charm Point’ thing!” Rei exclaims.

“Don't pretend you weren't enjoying it, Rei-kun,” Gou snaps, getting all up in his face and causing him to recoil. “You looked like you had the absolute time of your life, prancing around on the stage like some kind of butterfly ballerina!”

“Now, now, you two,” Makoto interjects soothingly, sounding like a mother breaking up a fight between her children. “But the swim club really does have a disadvantage in this season. We can't even have people watch us swim.”

Haru glares at the cold spring air around him, then at the murky green water in the pool. So close, yet so far away. If only they had an indoor pool like Samezuka.

As if following a similar train of thought, Nagisa squats down by the poolside and flicks the pool’s surface, morose. “Does anyone have any other ideas for recruiting members?”

Haru’s sketches for the recruitment posters flash through his mind. He turns to Gou, absolutely serious his idea is foolproof. “Offer a year’s worth of Iwatobi-chans.”

Gou fixes him with an exasperated look. “No one wants that.”

Their loss, then.

“Draw a 4-koma manga strip on our recruitment posters.”

“We already tried that last year.”

Nagisa’s eyes light up, and he whirls around to face them with his finger raised. “We could parade through the school halls in our swimsuits!”

“That could work!” Gou gasps. Sparkles and bubbles start filling the air around her, and Haru has to step back so he won't get blinded.

“Absolutely not! I refuse to objectify myself anymore to the freshmen!” Rei protests.

“Don't be stingy, Rei-kun.”

“ _Stingy?!_ That's not the issue here!”

“Now, now,” Makoto says, stepping between them. “It’s starting to get cold out here, so let’s warm up in the club room and brainstorm more ideas, okay?”

Rei nods, looking glad to get away from Gou and her muscle-themed schemes. Nagisa bounds after Rei’s retreating figure and pounces on him, forcing him to piggyback him back to the club room. For all of Rei’s protests, he grudgingly obliges Nagisa’s whims. Gou rolls her eyes and mutters something about boys under her breath, trailing behind them.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto says, smiling sheepishly as he falls into step beside Haru. “You must’ve been really eager to get new members. You worked so hard on the recruitment posters, too.”

Haru averts his eyes. He doesn't see how any of this is Makoto’s fault or why Makoto insists on apologising for things that are out of control. “It’s not the end yet,” he mutters with a shrug. “We still have a couple of weeks.”

Makoto chuckles. “You're right. Let’s do our best, Haru.”

“Yeah.”

“Hurry up, you two!” Nagisa whines, waving to them from the club room’s entrance. “You guys look like a couple taking a honeymoon stroll on the beach!”

Embarrassment and irritation flare from the green and blue Bonds respectively. Just to spite Nagisa, Haru slows his pace—or he would have, if it weren't for Makoto’s exasperated sigh of “This is no time to be dragging your feet, Haru” and all but hauling him to the room where the others are waiting.

Like the dutiful captain he is, Makoto shuts the door behind him and joins them in the semi-circle formed before Gou, who is standing in front of several old shelves. Those are _really_ old, loose screws and boards sticking out awkward angles. If they don't get new members, Haru thinks they should use the club’s budget to get new shelves. 

“Ideas to get new members, part two,” Gou announces, clapping her hands together to call the meeting into session. “Where do you think our recruitment failed? Everyone except for Rei-kun, please speak!”

“You can't just exclude me from the discussion, Gou-san!” Rei exclaims, sounding miffed.

“You made your opinions clear earlier, so let’s hear from the _rest,_ Rei-kun.”

Rei’s expression pinches into an offended scowl, but he obediently falls silent.

Nagisa’s hand shoots upwards. “Catchphrases! I _told_ you guys we should have used catchphrases!”

“No, it’s too embarrassing,” Makoto protests, a bright red blush scattering across his cheekbones. “It’s bad enough that we had to strip onstage—ah, no offense, Gou-chan. But still…”

“We can still do a skit!” Nagisa suggests. He hops forward to be in the center of their attention. “We’ll use the original script—Gou-chan as the victim, Rei-chan as the evil villain, Mako-chan as a member of the Iwatobi-chan cult, Haru-chan as the ocean Kami-sama, and me as the brilliant director!”

“Where will we even perform a skit, Nagisa-kun?” Gou asks, sounding exasperated. She takes a step back, leaning against the rickety shelves as she continues. “If only we had some kind of accolades to show off…”

Everyone falls into a pensive silence. The others are probably thinking of what they could've achieved if they swam the relay together instead of inviting Rin at the last hour—would they still have placed first and advanced to nationals? 

Haru doesn't see much point dwelling on it. It’s done and they can't change it. Instead, he directs his energy into thinking. Maybe he could redesign the Iwatobi-chan wooden straps to make them more appealing, or if worse comes to worst he could try and channel Rin’s menacing energy to scare the freshmen into joining the team. The idea of willingly subjecting himself to interacting with strangers makes him balk, but if it’s for the team then he's willing to do it.

He is about to voice his suggestions, except Gou cuts off his train of thought.

“I have an idea!” she says, taking an eager step forward. “Guys, let’s all—”

A gasp swallows up the rest of her sentence. The hem of her track jacket snags on a rusted hook, dragging the already-precarious shelf along with her movements. The shelf creaks and groans, swaying with each desperate and fruitless tug of her jacket. 

Haru reacts before he can even think. He grabs her arm and shoves her behind him. The ripping of fabric pierces the air, but a quick turnaround glance at Gou determines most of her jacket is still intact. He whips his head to the front just as the shelf lets out another harsh groan, and he freezes when he notices the precarious way it’s swaying reminds him an awful lot of the roof back at the lab, seconds before it crashed down around him and his friends and wiped his vision black.

“Haruka-senpai! Get out of there!”

But Haru’s feet remain frozen in the lab six years ago. Energy burns and rises up his gut like bile. It hurts—but at the same time, it’s _different._ It’s not nearly as painful as his usual power, and its intensity roars like a volcano eruption in his ears. It’s stronger, stronger than his body can handle, like multiple sources of energy are merging together to form a—

_Forcefield?_

Sure enough, a thin translucent bubble crackling with energy stands between him and the shelf, which is tilted forward at an awkward angle. It’s bright blue in the center, which melts into yellow on the left and green on the right.

Haru risks a glance behind him over Gou’s head—as suspected, Nagisa is on his left and Makoto on his right, and the both of them are keeled over on the floor, panting like they were just forced to run a marathon without prior warning.

“Ooh, a… a forcefield,” Nagisa exclaims between ragged gasps of air. “I didn't know you could do that, Haru-chan!”

“Neither did I,” Haru rasps. 

With shaking hands, Makoto pushes himself back onto his feet and helps Nagisa up. “Ahh, I feel kinda drained now…”

“It must be a combined effort,” Rei says suddenly. When the others turn to stare quizzically at him, he elaborates, “I assume the green belongs to Makoto-senpai, the yellow to Nagisa-kun and the blue to Haruka-senpai. Though I am unsure of the intricate workings of the Bond, my assumption is that through it, Haruka-senpai must have borrowed some of Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun’s powers to construct this forcefield.”

Haru blinks, surprised. Sometimes, he forgets that Rei is aware of their powers and the Bond. Judging by the others’ wide eyes and slack jaws, they must feel the same.

Nagisa is the first to recover. “Ooh, that makes sense! Rei-chan is so smart!”

Rei flushes. “It—it was a simple deduction to make, Nagisa-kun, based on the colours of the forcefield, as well as yours and Makoto-senpai’s reactions after it was formed.”

Tentatively, Haru reaches out to touch the forcefield. Just like the Bond, it’s both solid yet intangible. His fingers are able to slip through it to make contact with the shelf propped against it, but he can't fit enough of his hand through to push the shelf back up.

“We have to take this down,” he states, frowning at it. 

“Do you know how to, Haruka-senpai?” Gou asks. She releases the back of his jacket to circle around to his side and prod the forcefield. “Seems pretty solid to me.”

Haru shrugs. “Don't know. I’ll figure it out.”

“But there's also the shelf,” Makoto points out. “If you just take down the forcefield, the shelf would collapse and break. It would be a lot of effort to clean up and re-assemble it, if it can still be salvaged.”

Haru purses his lips. “Get some water. If I activate my scales and superstrength as a precaution, I should be able to bear the shelf’s weight and push it back up.”

Gou nods and makes to grab a bottle of water, but Makoto’s words cause her to screech to a halt.

“No, I’ll do it. I have the same power, after all.”

“But—” Haru argues, but Makoto cuts him off with an uncharacteristically stern look.

“Your powers hurt you to use. If I do this, it won't hurt me.”

Haru bites his tongue. As much as he hates to admit it, Makoto is right. Each time he activates his power is torture—which he now knows is because of the stupid limitation the scientists had engineered in him—and it’s been so long since he intentionally evoked them that he isn't sure if he can take the pain now. 

“Fine.” Haru takes a step back, allowing Makoto to take his place.

Makoto turns around, his back pressed against the forcefield under the shelf and his skin turning a lustrous shade of green, and shoots Haru a nod. Haru takes a deep breath, then concentrates his energy on the forcefield. He isn't entirely sure what he is doing, but gradually the forcefield flickers and weakens before finally vanishing. The shelf groans and gives way, falling on Makoto’s back. Makoto’s face pinches in concentration, and Haru is about to step forward to help him, when with a grunt Makoto pushes back against it until it falls back into its usual position with a loud _thump._

“Mako-chan, that was so cool!” Nagisa squeals, starry-eyed. “So manly, Mako-chan!”

“Even with superpowers at play, that was still an impressive display, Makoto-senpai,” Rei praises.

Makoto’s face reddens while the rest of his skin turns back to its usual shade of light tan. “I—I was just doing what I had to.”

Gou inspects the torn piece of red fabric still caught on the hook, then turns around with a sheepish smile. “Thank you for saving me, Haruka-senpai. I’ll be more careful next time.”

Haru inclines his head slightly, glad that no one seemed to notice how he had frozen at the last moment when he could have easily taken a step back away from the shelf. Of all the times to reminisce on the stupid incident six years ago, of course it had to be when he least expected it, when he wasn't even thinking of it at all.

The past isn't something to dwell on, yet his mind keeps going back to it like it’s all it knows.

* * *

Sousuke spends a good half of his morning wandering around Iwatobi town. As Rin’s letters six years ago described it, it really is a sleepy fishing town. It’s quiet, even peaceful; a breath of fresh seaside air after all the flashing lights and oppressive crowds in Tokyo.

Eventually, after three hours of purposeful trekking around mountains and seaside shops and shrines that he swears are starting look all the same, he manages to locate the fabled Iwatobi SC of Rin’s twelve-year-old dreams. 

Sousuke pauses in front of the building. It’s… gaudy, to say the least, with splashes of bright turquoise clashing painfully with loud oranges and obnoxious pinks all over the walls. The interior is just as colourful, all teal tiles on the floor and baby blues on the walls.

So this is the place Rin transferred from Sano SC to so he could pursue his romantic aspirations of swimming a relay with some guy he only saw once at a tournament. Sousuke wonders what Rin thought of this building. He probably took a look at all the bright colours and grinned to himself, maybe even declared something about how this looked like a new beginning of an illustrious three-month long swimming stint before flying off to Australia. A smile twitches on Sousuke’s lips. Yeah, that sounds like Rin, all right.

A man inside who's busy hanging some framed pictures on a wall must have heard Sousuke’s footsteps. He turns around with a friendly grin. “Oh, hey there! Are you hoping to join the club? Sorry, we’re not officially opening till next month. But if you want to fill out an application form—”

“No, I just…” Sousuke rubs the back of his neck. “Just wanted to see the place. A friend of mine used to swim here.”

The man’s eyes light up. “Okay, come on in. Your friend should be in these photos somewhere.”

Sousuke obliges. He scuffs his shoes on the ground to get rid of the worst of the dirt from trekking around the town before stepping in and joining the man by his side. Hands in his pockets, he surveys the photos of unfamiliar grinning children with vague interest—until his gaze falls on the one in the man’s hands.

The first thing that captures his attention is Rin grinning toothily at the camera and shooting a cheesy peace sign. The second thing he notices is that this is not the twelve-year-old Rin he remembers, but rather the seventeen-year-old Rin who he watched hurtle to rock bottom then rise to the top of the world in the span of an hour last summer. To his right is the blond breastroke twink-looking guy beaming at the photographer and a blue-haired megane kid dressed in a white-and-blue tracksuit. That one stands out like a sore thumb among a small sea of jammers and legskins.

To Rin's left is Nanase. Rin has an arm thrown around Nanase’s shoulders, and Nanase himself is not even looking at the camera.

 _What, too good to even face the camera properly?_ Sousuke gripes. The sight of Rin pressed so close to cool, aloof Nanase leaves long claw marks on the inside of his chest.

On Nanase’s right is a muscular guy with olive brown hair. Ah, Sousuke remembers Tachibana, even if they didn't speak the few times they met. He must be Nanase’s boyfriend/keeper, then, if Rin’s letters and Sousuke’s own observance of Nanase with his middle school team at the tournaments were anything to go by.

These are the guys—with the exception of the megane—who Rin left Sano for to spend his last three months in Japan swimming with. These guys were once a part of Rin’s so-called ultimate relay team, the ones he would show a sight they had never seen before.

Beside him, the man is busy going on about his efforts to rebuild the SC from ground up on his own. Having fulfilled what he came here for, though, Sousuke sees no reason to hang around.

He turns around and leaves the hallways that once held traces of Rin's sauntering footsteps and raucous laughter, six years ago. 

* * *

Although they have yet to get official permission to open the pool earlier this year, Amakata-sensei does grant the team her blessing to at least start cleaning it. 

Hence, they spend their lunch breaks and afternoons after school scrubbing away the dirt and moss that had accumulated in the pool during its disuse. Haru focuses on the right side of the pool, Rei and Makoto on the left and Nagisa on the section under the starting blocks. Not for the first time, Haru wonders how quickly he would get this done if he could just use a fraction of his superstrength. After an hour of endlessly pushing his mop back and forth, more often than not on the same obstinate patch of dirt, his arms are threatening to fall off. 

The others are discussing stuff about getting new members and what would happen to their club if they don't get new members next year, and Haru’s lip curls in displeasure. He doesn't want to think about the implications of next year, but a burst of surprise from the green Bond distracts him from his discontentment.

“What is it, Makoto?” Haru asks, turning around to where Makoto has stopped to stare at the tree above him.

“Cherry blossoms,” Makoto murmurs. As if on cue, a single pink petal flutters down and lands on his nose.

“Ooh, if only Rin-chan were here to see it!” Nagisa exclaims. “He really likes cherry blossoms, doesn't he?”

Makoto laughs. "Yeah, that's right."

Come to think of it, Haru recalls there was something Rin said he wanted to do with cherry blossoms a long time ago, something he didn't get to do because he had to fly off to Australia right after their relay tournament before the cherry blossoms got to bloom.

Nagisa and Makoto eye Haru curiously—no doubt getting some vague sense of what’s going through his mind—to which he replies by scrubbing aimlessly at a patch of dirt at his feet while staring at the tiny smattering of pink on the otherwise barren branches of the tree.

Rei clears his throat. “Is something the matter?”

Haru blinks and shakes his head. “Nothing.”

Gou whips out her phone, no doubt to take a photo of the cherry blossoms to send to her brother. Once done, she tucks her phone back into her pocket and plants her hands on her hips. “Anyway, guys, I have an idea.”

“Does it involve any more objectification of the male body?” Rei asks skeptically.

“Not this time. I was just thinking we should visit Coach Sasabe at the SC after this to get some ideas from him. Amakata-sensei said it’s opening soon, so it’s worth a visit.”

Nagisa’s eyes light up. “That's a great idea, Gou-chan! You're brilliant!”

Gou’s smug smirk seems to be directed at Rei. “And you boys would do well to remember that.”

It probably is for the best she chooses that moment to walk away to refill their bucket, missing Rei’s mutters of “objectification” and “muscle obsession” and "absolutely zero shame at all".

* * *

Much to the team’s delight, Coach Sasabe promises to help them put up good results to attract new members with an invitation to a public tournament taking place next weekend. With renewed motivation, they continue cleaning their pool and practising in Iwatobi SC Returns’ pool—which Coach Sasabe has also kindly opened for them to use before Returns' official opening next month—to get themselves back in shape for the tournament.

The week flies by in a blur of classes, meetings on the rooftop and afternoons in a pool that is slowly but surely being restored back to its former pristine glory, even with Haru having to resist the urge to use his superpowers. 

Unfortunately, no hopeful wide-eyed freshmen come to observe the fruits of their labour. They wait all afternoon for even one curious head to poke around the corner, but they might as well have been waiting for the sky to rain pigs or for one of them to come out as straight. 

“I can't believe it,” Nagisa moans, wrapping himself around Rei in disappointment. “At this rate, we’ll really have no choice but to run naked through the school halls, Rei-chan!”

“Where did the swimsuits go?!” Rei screeches. 

“Come _on,_ Rei-chan!” Nagisa gazes imploringly up at Rei with those round magenta eyes Haru often has trouble not giving in to, even if he's not the current victim of them. “What's worse to you—getting naked or getting zero members?!”

“I would rather not have _either!_ And can we please drop the whole ‘naked’ thing already?! Our club would get shut down for public indecency, Nagisa-kun!”

Well, Haru can't say Nagisa didn't try. Arguably, Nagisa has probably tried the hardest out of all of them, which makes sense since this club _was_ originally his idea. A crestfallen Nagisa who has tried his best does not sit well with Haru. He frowns, but he doesn't know what to say to comfort Nagisa. 

Something light lands on Haru’s hair, startling him out of his brooding. Makoto chuckles and plucks it off for him.

“Cherry blossom,” he explains, holding out a small pink flower between his fingers.

That's right—there were some fluttering about on the day they started cleaning the pool, Haru recalls. He glances up at the poolside tree, which is starting to boast of more smatterings of pink all over its lower branches. 

An idea strikes him. It has nothing to do with recruitment efforts, since he doubts the freshmen care all that much about cherry blossoms, but he knows one person who does.

“Guys,” he says, “I thought of something.”

* * *

On Saturday morning, they take a train down to the local university where the public tournament is being held. From the entrance, they spot Rin outside the complex, speaking to a group of nervous-looking first-years and Nitori. 

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa calls, his voice cutting clear through the chatter of other high-schoolers and families and random members of the public. “Heeeey, Rin-chan!”

Annoyance snarls through the red Bond. Rin whips his head up to scowl at Nagisa’s interruption before schooling his expression back to a neutral one as he continues addressing his kouhai.

“Now, Nagisa, Rin must be in the middle of briefing his team,” Makoto chides as he ushers Nagisa to the entrance before he can cause any more ruckus. “He has new responsibilities as captain, remember?”

"The least he could do was wave back or salute or whatever it is he likes to do," Nagisa sulks like a petulant child, though he lets Makoto all but shove him towards the building. 

Warm air greets them the moment they step through the open doorway. Relieved, Haru unzips his Team Iwatobi jacket and rolls the sleeves up to his elbows. 

As the responsible captain he is, Makoto leads them to the counter to register themselves. Once that's done (thankfully with no mishaps regarding the femininity of their names this time), they head down the hallway to the pool, walking past shouting children and harried parents chasing after them, other swim teams doing their stretches in the corners, as well as university students milling about. Haru is not fond of the crowd or noise, but at least he'd get to swim later.

“Rin-san was surprisingly captain-like, wasn't he?” Rei remarks.

“ _‘Give it your best or I’ll beat the crap out of you!’_ ” Nagisa snarls in an unnervingly good imitation of Rin’s trademark growl. He clenches his fist and bares his teeth, as if they're fangs, while Rei regards him with an exasperated look. “I thought he'd say something like that.”

“C’mon, you know he wouldn't say that,” Makoto chides.

Haru presses his lips into a thin line, thinking otherwise. 

“You kids are late!” Coach Sasabe’s voice booms ahead of them. Startled, they stop in their tracks, greeted by the man himself wearing the gaudiest full-body swimsuit Haru has ever seen—patches of golden-brown Picasso-esque shapes criss-cross with sharp streaks of electric blue that look like the efforts of a blindfolded and overzealous toddler, and that's just the _top_ half. As for the bottom, splotches of brown and blue splatter shamelessly all over the otherwise black material stretched over his legs, though it turns mustard yellow of all colours towards the back of the calves. 

Beside him are Gou and Amakata-sensei, both of whom are dressed relatively more plainly in the sunshine yellow Team Iwatobi shirt and white-blue shorts, and her usual teacher’s get-up of a dress and cardigan respectively.

“Eh? You're swimming too, Goro-chan?” Nagisa demands, his eyes wide.

“You bet I am! These are races for the general public too, after all.” 

“The atmosphere here is much more relaxed than the prefectural tournament,” Amakata-sensei remarks with an unsubtle sigh of relief. “It sure is a nice change, isn't it?”

Haru glances over the railings at the families sitting on the steps. Some are dutifully watching the swimmers below, though a handful of kids are more interested in their video games and phones than the ongoing races. A father is busy doing warm-ups with his son on the lowest floor. Haru compares this to the scene at the prefectural and regional tournaments—the stands brimming with tense students, enthusiastic cheerleaders, oversized mascots and flying banners—and he can see what Amakata-sensei means. Unlike the high school tournaments, people are here just to swim for the hell of it, not to set records, cinch first place or pursue their wildest dreams. 

“It is a bit lacking in terms of muscles on display, though,” Gou says, sounding mildly resigned to her lack of eye-candy for the day.

“I'm disappointed there is no relay event,” Rei comments.

Nagisa sighs and lowers his chin down on to the railing. “Yeah, me too. But!” He perks up and whirls around to face Haru and Makoto. “At least there’ll be one at the prefectural tournament!”

Nagisa’s joy at the idea of relays mix with Haru’s own eagerness for summer to finally be upon them so he can swim with his friends, eliciting a small smile from Haru.

Since Gou and Amakata-sensei arrived earlier than them, they have secured seats for them in a relatively isolated section. No sooner does Haru put his bag down than does Makoto nudge him, reminding him that his freestyle race is about to start in fifteen minutes’ time.

“Good luck, Haruka-senpai,” Rei says warmly, echoed by similar well wishes from Gou, Amakata-sensei and Coach Sasabe.

“If it’s Haru-chan then we know he has already won,” Nagisa adds with a giggle. 

Haru rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything. He has long since given up trying to get Nagisa to forgo these weird ideals he likes to project on to him.

Since they're in public, Makoto settles for patting Haru’s shoulder and wishing him luck quietly. Haru can still feel the usual squeeze in his hand from countless times Makoto’s hand has slid into his over the years, so the lack of intimacy here doesn't bother him.

He passes by unfamiliar swimmers on his way to the locker room. Once securing a locker for himself at the back of the room, he strips off his track pants and shoes, slides them into his locker and retrieves his goggles and cap before shutting the door. Just then, a red glow briefly fills Haru’s mind, alerting him to a new presence in the room.

Without even turning to look, Haru sweeps past other swimmers and lockers, pausing beside the one where the red Bond glows the brightest yet.

“Trying to ambush me here, Rin?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, Haru,” Rin greets, leaning back against the row of lockers with a sharp smirk. 

With the prowling grace of a wolf, he pushes himself away from the lockers and falls into step beside Haru. They walk in silence to the pool. Unlike with Makoto, this silence is not _comfortable,_ per se, not with the undercurrent buzzing of anticipation only Rin can bring. Haru waits with an odd mixture of trepidation and resignation, hoping Rin isn't going to pester him about his fate for the umpteenth time.

“We’re racing in adjoining lanes again,” Rin says. 

Haru almost lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah.”

“You guys didn't get to swim much over winter, did you? I can give you a handicap if you want.”

Those words rub against a nerve in Haru. He tilts his chin up and away from Rin. “There's no need for that. Even if I couldn't swim, I kept training.”

Surprise fills the red Bond before it’s replaced with satisfaction. Rin chuckles as he wraps his goggles around his head, tugging the strap back. “Oh, look at you. You're actually pretty fired up, aren't you?” he teases. “Alright, then. Let’s see the fruits of your—”

Just as he's about to snap his strap against his head, two little boys dash between them.

“I'm definitely gonna win!”

“You mean _I'm_ gonna win!”

“No way! You're not gonna beat me!”

The boys bolt away, leaving the echoes of their trash-talk and laughter echoing in the hallway. As if in sync, Haru and Rin’s footsteps slow, and they turn to each other with fond smiles. Those kids remind Haru of two miniature Rin’s, and he can't decide if that idea is amusing or the fodder of nightmares.

With no more running children to impede their paths, they make haste to the starting blocks, where they shed their team jackets and leave them in a basket by the pool.

“Since we can't race in a relay today, this showdown is between you and me,” Rin declares, as if Haru doesn't already know that. He bends down to stretch his back while Haru focuses on stretching his arms.

“I don't care about my time,” Haru says evenly.

“You're still saying stuff like that?” For some reason Haru can't place, more irritation than usual flares from Rin’s end of the Bond. “Well, even if you don't care about winning or times—” Rin fixes Haru with a look that pierces past the Bond, right into Haru’s soul, and it’s all Haru can do to stand his ground and not flinch away from that burning red gaze. “—you still think no one can beat you in the water, don't you? Oh, Haru, I'm gonna make that cold face of yours heat up.”

Haru returns the stare—blue on red, two different colours of fire that burn on the same wavelength nonetheless. He doesn't acknowledge Rin’s challenge with a reply of his own, but no words are needed. He’ll tell Rin exactly what he thinks in the pool.

Three whistles blow, signalling to them to get ready. Haru snaps on his cap and goggles, then clears his head of Rin and fire to focus solely on the clear, crystalline water stretching ahead of him. He bends down, grips the block and gets ready.

The very moment the final whistle is blown, Haru launches himself into the water. It reaches up with its currents like arms to bring him back into their embrace. His hand slides through the surface, carving a slot for him to slide his body through. When Haru’s head breaks the surface for air, he sucks in a deep breath before plunging back under, smoothly turning his body from right to left through the motions of the front crawl.

Beside him, he can feel the flames of Rin’s challenge smouldering the adjacent lane, permeating through the currents to reach Haru. Out of the corner of his eye, he thinks he spots Rin glance at him—and before he can even blink, Rin’s flame starts burning brighter, fiercer, until he pulls ahead of Haru. His elbows enter Haru’s peripheral vision, then his torso and his calves. Even though there is no telepathic link between them, the message roars loud and clear through the Bond and the water: _Show me what you've got, Haru!_

Haru’s lips curl into the barest of smiles, and he responds to the unspoken provocation. If Rin wants to see it so badly, he will get what he asked for. 

Rin reaches the turn before Haru and maintains his lead with his superior kick-off. But Haru keeps his cool. He tumbles underwater and jams his feet against the wall, coiling like a spring, before launching himself after Rin and leaving a trail of bubbles and splashes in his wake. Rin’s tightly-toned calves come into view—that sight lights a match under Haru. All at once, he can feel every fiber in his body come to life, screaming for more, to go faster and faster, to meet Rin's challenge head-on. 

As Haru pours more strength into his kicks and strokes, the water encourages his efforts, pushing him forward until he's neck-to-neck with Rin. Rin’s movements grow bolder, stronger, larger, but Haru keeps pace with him, determined not to let that luminescent fire get away from him again. 

They power through the water like two marionettes connected by an invisible string dragging them along the same wavelength. The wall leaps into view, and Haru can't be sure who slams their hands against it first—him or Rin.

Haru plants his feet on the floor and shakes the water out of his ears just in time to hear the announcement.

“The swimmers in lanes four and five, Nanase-kun and Matsuoka-kun, have just set a tournament record.”

Then that means…

Haru glances up at the scoreboard.

_Nanase Haruka — 1st place_

_Matsuoka Rin — 1st place_

“Haru.”

Haru glances up and spots Rin with his hair a dripping mess and his hand raised. He blinks, surprised, before gliding forward to hesitantly mirror the gesture. Rin grins, slapping his hand against Haru’s.

“See?” Rin says, still maintaining that shit-eating grin. “You're all fired up now.”

Haru frowns and averts his head. “Not really…”

Even so, he can't quell the fire blazing in his chest, as well as the voracious hunger in him. More—he wants to swim with Rin more, because this is nowhere near enough to satisfy him.

* * *

After his shared victory with Haru, Rin sticks around to watch his teammates’ races. He entered them in the 100-meter races of their respective specialty strokes, which Makoto, Nagisa and Rei are participating in too. He isn't surprised when those three beat his freshmen and Ai and nab first place, but he's proud of his team nonetheless for doing their best, especially the first-years. This tournament is to give them a taste of what real competitions are like when he signs them up for this summer’s inter-high tournament. Judging by their steely determined gazes, they seem better prepared to take on real tournaments now. That's good, because Rin is prepared to seize _his_ dream this summer, too.

As dusk approaches and the tournament comes to a wrap, Rin appoints Ai to lead the team to the station while he watches over them from the back.

However, when he passes by a familiar cluster of white, blue and yellow, four pairs of eyes burn into the back of his neck. Similarly, the blue, yellow and green Bonds light up with intention, as if trying to get his attention. Rin clicks his tongue, torn between amusement and annoyance. Those guys—they're always so carefree. 

“Rin!”

As expected, the blue Bond grows brighter as Haru hurries to Rin. He arches his brows, but he dismisses his team before turning to see what Haru wants.

“What's up, Haru?”

“I need to talk to you,” Haru says. “Come to Iwatobi High later.”

“What for?” A smirk curls across Rin’s lips. “You can't bear to tie with me, huh? Are we settling the score there?”

Mysterious as ever, all Haru graces him with is a simple “You'll know when you come” before hurrying back to his team. 

* * *

Thankfully, the train journey doesn't take long, so Rin finds himself at Iwatobi High within the hour. He halts outside a row of buildings which he vaguely recalls are the club rooms from his last visit here.

“Yo, Haru!” he calls. “I'm here, so come out already!”

He rests his hands in his jacket pockets expectantly, but not even a peek out from the corner of the door greets him. A scowl settles on his face. If Haru had the balls to invite him all the way to _his_ school to tell him something he couldn't have just told him at the tournament, the least he could do is come out and welcome Rin.

With an aggrieved sigh, Rin stalks up the stairs to the club rooms and grabs the knob he thinks belongs to the swim club. He gives it a twist, expecting his efforts to be fruitless, but to his surprise the door yields easily as if cowed by his irritation.

“Huh, looks like it’s open,” he mutters. He steps through the doorway and, just to be a guest more polite than his hosts to one-up them, shuts the door behind him.

The first thing he notices is darkness—it’s too dark. How the hell is it pitch fucking black when it’s still on the cusp of sunset outside? Jeez, he's pretty sure these club rooms have _some_ semblance of windows at the very least. 

A chill running up his spine precedes some suspicious rustling on both his sides. A stupid thought of cheesy horror movie tropes flashes through his mind. Maybe he should've just called Makoto or Gou or someone; that's what _phones_ are for, after all. No need to mindlessly barge into club rooms that aren't even his and—

Something heavy slams over his head, somehow turning the already pitch black darkness even darker.

“Bring him!” a distinctly Nagisa-sounding voice crows with glee.

“ _Kee-kee!_ ”

Two arms wrap around Rin’s and lift him a clean few inches off the ground. Alarm crashes through him, along with all the fear that being hoisted in the air in complete darkness where he doesn't know what the fuck is going on except that his friends are being little shits brings. 

“What the—oi!” Rin yells in vain. “Let me go!”

He thrashes and kicks at the air, but to no avail. The two arms bring him forward effortlessly, like he's a mere sack of feathers and not a 177 cm tall, 68 kilos heavy athlete.

“Come along quietly,” Haru’s low hum permeates through the heavy bullshit around Rin’s head.

“Haru-chan, don't forget the sentence ending!”

“Come along quietly, moge,” Haru says, more sharply this time.

“Don't _moge_ me, asshole! Let me go!” Rin snaps as he continues to flail against his captors.

“Oh no!” a Gou-sounding wail pierces through Rin’s curses. “Don't take my Onii-chan away!”

“ _Gou?!”_ That traitor sister of his is in on this ploy, too?!

“Rin, stop kicking!” Makoto’s voice pleads.

“Maybe if you didn't _kidnap_ me I wouldn't be kicking!” Rin yells. “I swear to fucking—will you guys give it a—”

As if answering his pleas, the two arms place him back on the floor, and the weight on his head is lifted. Rin blinks and winces as he re-orientates himself back to the orange lowlights of sunset. His vision readjusts, and he catches something rather pink in front of him—and all the air immediately evacuates his lungs.

A glistening pool sprawls before him with the soft embers of the descending sun dancing on its surface like fireflies in the summer night… and cherry blossoms. Pink cherry blossoms float serenely on the bluish-orange gradient of the pool, like lanterns bearing a thousand and one wishes.

“When we were in elementary school, you once said you wanted to swim in a pool of cherry blossoms,” Haru says. In the presence of so many twirling cherry blossoms, Rin can't find it in himself to be weirded out by the head of Iwatobi High’s weird-ass mascot in Haru’s hands. 

“The idea was to open the pool early so we could attract new members,” Makoto explains, smiling at Rin.

“Thanks to Ama-chan’s hard work!” Nagisa sings as he pokes his head out from behind Makoto.

“Though it still resulted in zero new members,” Rei admitted with a disappointed shake of his head. 

“But since we got to see our pool of cherry blossoms as a result, we wanted to share this view with you too,” Makoto finishes.

The care and affection flowing gently from all the Bonds, the hopeful smiles on all their faces, the _freaking pool of cherry blossoms…_

_They remembered. It was six years ago, and I just said it on a stupid whim, but those idiots actually remembered._

Rin’s heart swells and threatens to burst with emotion. His vision blurs, turning his friends into smudges of yellow and white and blue. Hastily, he ducks his head to hide his damp eyes from view. Through the cracks of his fingers, he spots Gou smile at him, and his heart expands even more. That's right, she’s in on this too. Even though he was such an asshole to her last year, ignoring her texts and only contacting her to find out about Rei, she helped to organise this surprise for him too. 

After all these years, after how shittily he treated all of them last summer, they still remember his childish desires from six years ago, and they went out of their way to make it happen. _For him._

“Rin-san,” Rei’s voice cuts in, “go for it.”

“Huh?” Once deeming his eyes appropriately dry, Rin raises his head.

Makoto, Nagisa and Rei are holding out their hands to him with matching smiles, while Haru looks off to the side. 

“I guess I’ll let you swim in it just this once,” Haru mutters.

“Well, I _do_ want to swim in it, but it’s still kind of cold,” Rin points out, exasperated. Jeez, how carefree can those guys get? 

“Onii-chan, take that stuff off!” Gou chirps, whipping out her bright pink camera to match the cherry blossoms in the pool.

“There is no need to hold back, Rin-san,” Rei says. He unceremoniously starts shoving Rin towards the pool. "Please indulge yourself in this beautiful pool of cherry blossoms to your heart's content."

“Rei-chan is right!” Nagisa chirps, joining in on Rei’s efforts to give Rin hypothermia in spring. “You don't have to be shy!”

“I'm not being shy!” Rin snaps as he whirls around to glare at them. “Oi, seriously, stop it—”

It starts as a single drop of rain before a torrential shower of water pours down on them. With a yelp that rings in unison, Rei, Gou and Nagisa dash down the stairs to hide near the club room, while Makoto, Rin and Haru take refuge under an isolated shelter a small ways from the pool. 

“The weather report didn't say anything about rain today,” Makoto murmurs as they stare at the rain scattering the cherry blossom petals all over the pool.

Now that he's gathered with just his fellow third-years, away from the idealistic second-years with two more illustrious years of high school ahead of them, a thought occurs to Rin. “That reminds me… have you thought about what you'll do after graduation?”

He can feel Haru’s glower stab right through him, and he knows full well what's going through Haru’s mind. For the sake of pretenses in front of Makoto, Rin intentionally keeps his question vague.

“Not really” comes Haru’s simple reply.

Rin’s eyes narrow. He can't tell if Haru is just lying because Makoto is here or if he really isn't thinking of GREAT at all, or the efforts to save him from GREAT, at that. “You can't not think about it,” he snaps, hoping the true underlying meaning of his words will get through to Haru.

Judging by the thin flat line of Haru’s lips, he gets it. His lack of response only boils Rin’s blood even more, but before he can chew Haru out as subtly as possible, Makoto intervenes.

“You're aiming to swim at the global level, right, Rin?” he asks with the placating tone of an older brother used to breaking up squabbles.

“Yeah. Since I wasted some time getting here, nationals this summer will be my last chance," Rin replies. "If I can make it there, I could get scouted. I’ll set new records there and grab hold of my dream!” Well, one of his dreams, anyway, but at this rate getting compete on the Olympic stage seems a hell lot easier than trying to convince Haru to take a stand for his own rights.

Haru’s dull stare falls from Rin’s profile to his rain-soaked shoes. Resignation rings loud and clear from his end of the Bond, and Rin won't have that.

“Haru, Makoto, what do you guys plan to do?” Rin asks. There's something poignant about how with the same words, they take on different meanings depending on their recipient. 

Makoto’s mouth forms a small ‘o’, and his gaze dips to his shoes. “I… haven't really decided yet.”

“Tch.” 

Well, Rin tries to reason, not everyone has a dream they've been wanting to achieve ever since childhood. 

Even so, another part of him argues, that wishy-washiness is typical of Makoto. Since he has no idea of what is going to happen to Haru the following year, he’s probably just assumed he’ll be going to whatever university Haru enrolls in, just like how he has attended the same elementary, middle and high schools as Haru. 

The rest of the storm is spent in tense silence—like an invisible cord suspended in the air is stretched taut to its final fiber—save for the sleet of rain drumming rhythmically against the ground. Rin needs to talk to Haru, and he needs to do it _now_ or he might just crack and spill the beans in front of Makoto.

 _But not yet._ He can't. Since this is Haru’s fate, it’s up to him as to who gets to know about it. Even if Rin has a feeling as to what his answer will be. 

He _will_ give Haru a choice, though. A choice he knows Haru is going to squander away like the block-headed idiot he is, but it's better than not giving him a choice at all. 

When the storm eventually lightens up to a drizzle, Makoto excuses himself to the club room where the others have already disappeared in to take refuge from the rain. Haru is about to trail after him, but Rin catches his arm.

“You go ahead, Makoto,” Rin orders. “I’d like to have a word with Haru.”

Makoto’s eyes flit hesitantly between Rin and Haru. Haru’s sigh is barely perceptible, as is his resigned nod. Makoto offers them a smile, before turning and ducking into the club room, leaving the door ajar for them.

“I don't want to talk about it,” Haru says, his tone final. He tries tugging his arm out of Rin’s hold, but Rin tightens his fingers.

“I don't give a fuck about what you want—I care more about what you need,” Rin hisses. “You can't keep running from this, Haru.”

“Who said anything about running? You're the one who wants me to run from my fate. I've already accepted it.”

“It’s not the same thing and you know it. _Listen,_ ” Rin adds in a growl when Haru tries to break free again, “just hear me out, okay? I only have two things I need to tell you.”

Haru glares at him. His arm is still tensed in Rin’s grip, but he doesn't make any move to escape again so Rin takes that as a sign to continue.

“First one—Sweden. I haven't gotten around to fully decoding your grandpa’s latest letter yet, but Sweden is somehow involved in this.”

Haru’s stony expression is unchanged. “I don't see how that affects me.”

“That means Sweden is probably part of this global race to offer the best superhuman-mermaid to GREAT,” Rin explains with no small degree of impatience. “I'm not entirely sure what this means—”

“Then don't get me involved.”

Rin has to resist the urge to shake some sense back into Haru, if he even had any in the first place. “But you _are_ involved, Haru. Don't you get it? This _will_ affect you if you let yourself get carted off to GREAT.”

“ _Let_ myself?” Haru’s voice lowers dangerously. “You make it sound like I have any choice in the matter.”

Rin sighs and slumps, his grip loosening a little around Haru’s arm. “Fine, you have a point. Sorry, I take that part back. _But_ you know what I mean! I don't know what Sweden's involvement entails yet, but it can't mean anything good, so just—just be careful, alright? Once I decode everything in the letter, I’ll let you know.”

“I don't want to know.”

“Next thing,” Rin plows on, choosing to ignore Haru's willfulness. “You do have a choice in this matter, but I hope you make the right one for your own sake.”

“Don't manipulate me, Rin. Just tell me what it is.”

Rin fixes Haru with a hard stare. “I think Makoto and Nagisa need to know about this.”

Immediately, Haru wrenches his arm out of Rin’s grasp and whirls around. “Absolutely not. End of discussion.”

“It is _not_ the end,” Rin snaps. He roughly grabs Haru’s shoulder and slams him back against one of the poles holding the roof up. 

Haru glares back at him, a sickening concoction of anger and defiance and fear bubbling in the blue Bond. Backed into a corner like this, he looks like the frightened, traumatised child Rin saw in the lab, strapped down to a medical bed and hovered over by scientists and torture devices. Guiltily, Rin loosens his grip just a tiny bit to give Haru room to breathe. 

“Why do they need to know?” Haru demands, his eyes burning like the core of a flame.

“Secrets are only going to tear us all apart. Nagisa and Makoto—they’ve been a part of this since the incident at the lab. We’ve always been in this together, remember?”

Haru’s glower hardens. “And what good will knowing they are literal walking bombs do them? What good will knowing their lives are being held against me do them?”

“I know it’s risky,” Rin admits quietly, barely louder than the pitter-pattering of scant raindrops against the tiles behind Haru. “I know it’ll be a lot for them to take in. It was a lot for _me_ to take in when I first learned of this. But with more people in on the secret, we can have more heads working together, figuring out a way to save you—”

“No.” Haru’s tone is flat, a contrast to his fierce glare. “I'm not gonna burden them with something that's not even any of their business. I want them to be happy. I want my last memories of them to be ones of them being happy before I leave for good.” He places a hand on Rin’s shoulder and shoves him back several steps. “As for me, I just want to swim with my friends one last time. That's all. Don't ruin that with all this talk of something we can't change.”

“Oi—”

Before Rin can reach out and grab him for the third time, Haru pivots on his heel sharply and stalks back to the club room. Rin grinds his teeth together, but since there is no reasoning with Haru when he's like this, Rin lets him go, and he follows behind him to the club room.

The others greet them with worried looks. No doubt did Nagisa and Makoto sense their anger and frustration through the Bond, though they don't ask questions. Rei and Gou look more confused than anything else, but they don't say a word either. Silently, Gou sheds her Iwatobi Swim Club jacket, folds it and puts it in her bag while Rei dries his hair. 

Haru refuses to look at Rin as he accepts a towel from Makoto to dry his hair. Rin scowls at his back but lets him be. Instead, he digs into his bag and fishes out a red hand towel with black sharks emblazoned on it. It’s small, but it’ll have to do.

“Here.” Rin drapes the towel on Gou’s soaked hair before picking up her bag, slinging it over his shoulder and striding to the other door.

“Eh?”

Rin pulls an umbrella out of her bag—because he doesn't carry one of his own around, seeing no need as there are sheltered and underground walkways everywhere in Samezuka—and opens it. He turns back to the room with an expectant look. The others stare back at him with stunned expressions, most of all Gou who seems frozen in place with the towel on her head.

“I'm walking you home, dummy,” Rin says with a roll of his eyes. 

Instantly, Gou’s face lights up like the sun beaming through grey storm clouds. With a jaunty wave to the boys, she hurries over to attach herself to Rin’s side, humming under her breath.

“What's it with you?” Rin asks, exasperated.

“Onii-chan is so nice.”

“I mean… you went out of your way to organise this surprise for me. I figured making sure you got home safely was the least I could do.”

She giggles again. He arches his brows at her, but this time she doesn't offer any explanation. With another roll of his eyes, he trudges down the stairs with Gou sticking right by him. The rain is starting to pick up again, so he angles the umbrella to her side. When she glances curiously up at him, he mutters something about “Those guys probably won't know what to do with themselves if you caught a cold” and leaves it at that.

They continue down the path out of the school and to the train station in relative silence, until Gou breaks it with a hesitant question.

“Onii-chan… did you and Haruka-senpai fight?”

“No, I wouldn't call that a fight,” Rin says with a sigh. “Just a disagreement of sorts and Haru being a stubborn idiot, but what's new, right?”

Gou’s eyebrows pinch together. “Will Haruka-senpai be okay? It is his final year in high school. There must be a lot of talk of graduation and plans for the future, so I wonder if he's thought of what he wants to do yet.”

Rin would snort at the irony if it weren't so fucking depressing. With every day that gets crossed out of the calendar, with every page that gets turned over, it’s probably all Haru _can_ think of, even if that moron likes to deny it and pretend he's living in some bubble that will only survive a year before GREAT enters the scene and bursts it.

It _should_ be natural human instinct to want to save yourself from danger. It _should_ be an ingrained survival instinct, passed down from generation to generation, lasting through evolution and adapting to new environments. That's what Rin thinks. At their core, humans are selfish and self-serving, seeking what is most beneficial to themselves and avoiding what brings harm. 

Then he recalls something one of Ai’s many books in his bizarre hodgepodge collection of books mentioned—something about learned helplessness. Apparently, it occurs when someone is repeatedly subjected to suffering with no way to escape it, and they eventually stop trying to avoid the pain because they have come to expect the suffering with no way out.

Rin thinks of the bombs inside of himself, Makoto and Nagisa.

He thinks of the five years of torture Haru went through that he didn't speak of until he was discovered. He thinks of how Haru must've been filled with hope for a new beginning when his grandparents saved him and chased GREAT out of the country. 

He thinks of several faceless Australian monsters descending upon twelve-year-old Haru’s home to deliver the news of the ultimatum— _Sell yourself to us, or watch your friends literally blow up from inside out._

And then he thinks of the subsequent six years Haru has spent with the secret killing him on the inside, while he wears that aloof mask on the outside.

“Yeah, I wonder too.”

* * *

Thoughts of learned helplessness, GREAT and Haru continue swirling about in Rin’s mind as he takes his usual seat in his classroom, waiting for the teacher to walk in. He really only has the bare minimum on his desk—a notebook, a red file from Makoto last Christmas (that Makoto and his infuriatingly practical gifts) and one black ballpoint pen. He has no idea if it has any ink in it, but he’ll find out soon enough.

To tune out the mindless chatter of his classmates around him, he plugs in his earphones, closes his eyes, and indulges in his usual Spotify queue of various western pop songs he has fallen in love with over the years, especially when he was in Australia. He only glances up once when a classmate whose name he, admittedly, doesn't recall returns his _5 Seconds of Summer_ CD, which he bought in Sydney on a whim after hearing their songs on the radio. The beats of synthesised pop help to soothe yesterday’s irritation at Haru and clear his mind for a new school year.

When Sugimoto-sensei walks in, he hastily pulls out his earphones, wraps them up and stuffs them in his pocket, then leans back in his seat in anticipation of another dreary lecture about analysing character motivations and the tools of foreshadowing and whatnot. 

“Settle down, class,” Sugimoto-sensei says. He sets his books down on the table and turns to the blackboard to write something down. “Today, we have a new transfer student.”

With mild interest, Rin glances up from examining his all-white trousers—

—and his heart catches in his throat.

Even after six years with no face-to-face contact, and even though the apparition from his past is a lot taller and broader now, Rin can still recognise the short black hair, the stubborn sideburns, and those downward-slanting teal eyes. 

_He really hasn't changed one bit._

“This is Yamazaki Sousuke-kun, who has transferred here from Tokyo. Please make him feel welcome, class.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have no idea what 'moge' is supposed to be but i'm guessing it's something to make him sound more menacing?
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	14. for the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you want, Rin?” Haru snaps once Rin releases him. The fact that they're in an isolated corridor only makes him even more jumpy. 
> 
> “I finally managed to decode the letter your grandpa sent to me.”
> 
> “I thought I told you I'm not interested.”
> 
> “No, listen,” Rin says, his eyes flashing dangerously. “Remember what I told you about Sweden?”

_Yamazaki Sousuke._

The first thing that comes to Rin’s mind is all the dumb competitions he and Sousuke used to get into all the time—who could wipe the blackboard after class faster (usually Sousuke with his stupid long arms if Rin didn't get a headstart), who arrived at Sano SC first after school (it’s about 51-49 in slight favour of Sousuke and his longer legs), who got better grades (a toss-up, but definitely Rin if it’s English). His hands twitch with the memory of their secret handshake routine no one but they understand, and it’s all he can do not to lift his fist up to Sousuke.

While Sugimoto-sensei is busy briefing the class about the new guy, Sousuke’s teal eyes meet Rin’s red. Sousuke’s expression is a blank slate—his usual stoicness Rin is familiar with the way throwing all of himself into swimming is familiar—before his lips quirk up into a smile. Rin’s heart soars in his chest. He hasn't seen that trademark Sousuke half-smile half-smirk in forever.

Sousuke is still staring at him, now starting to look confused, so Rin hastily shoots a grin back. For several frozen moments in time, it’s just the two of them. The background droning of the teacher and his classmates’ curious murmurs become little more than white noise. All that exists in this isolated piece of time is Rin, Sousuke and the promise they made to see each other again before Rin boarded the bus that would take him to the airport. There were no goodbyes exchanged, because they both knew it was not a farewell. The ocean between Japan and Australia they would be looking at is one and the same, and one day fate will bring them back together.

The moment disperses too quickly when Sugimoto-sensei points Sousuke to his seat, which is two columns away from Rin’s, near the back of the classroom. Rin’s heart sinks a little, and he curses the idiots who dared to take the available spots around him.

“Oi, Matsuoka,” Ken, the basketball vice-captain in the seat behind Rin, calls. “You know the new guy?”

Rin’s grin grows, and he leans back slightly so Sugimoto-sensei won't catch him talking during class. “Oh yeah, definitely. He was my best friend in elementary school.”

“Dude, what? That's some insane coincidence, him enrolling in Samezuka _and_ ending up in the same class as you too.”

Rin hums under his breath. His inner romantic prefers to think of it as his promise with Sousuke tying their destinies together, but no way in hell is he going to tell Ken that.

Sugimoto-sensei, who is already holding up his textbook, clears his throat pointedly and shoots Rin a sharp look. He salutes to his teacher with two fingers and turns back to his seat.

All throughout class, Rin can hardly concentrate, what with shock and excitement buzzing in him. He barely even notices how the ink in his one black ballpoint pen is starting comes out grey on his textbook, or how it completely gives up on him by the end of the third period. All he can think of is _Sousuke, Sousuke's in Samezuka, Sousuke's in my class._

Most days, he is—well, he’s far from a model student but he pays attention in class and manages to bend near-inkless pens to his will and make them write for him. 

Today, however, he finds himself glancing up at the clock every three minutes, absolutely convinced that time is fucking with him because how the hell is it still eleven-thirty when it already feels like lunchtime? He taps his pen against the edge of his textbook impatiently, trying to force whatever little ink left inside out, until finally, _finally,_ the lunch bell rings like the chime of an angel’s bell or whatever the fuck metaphor works best—Rin doesn't care, all he wants is to talk to his best friend again.

The first thing he does is make a beeline for Sousuke, who he notices is already making his way to him. Neither of them say a word to each other as they exit the classroom, march past throngs of students gathering for lunch, head out to the school grounds and stop under a pavilion. It’s empty, thank god.

Only then do they turn to each other. Electric currents pass through their held gazes, before they swing forth in tandem with their fists clenched. They reach upwards, crossing their arms together, and Rin brings his arm down and palm up, which Sousuke returns with a slap. To top off their performance with a grand finale, they lock their arms together and pull the other close, until their faces are mere inches apart.

Rin isn't sure who breaks the silence first, but soon they're both laughing, as is also routine for their secret handshake. This time, unlike the many instances in their childhood, their laughter seems warmer now, even richer with experiences had while they were apart, and Rin can't wait to hear about how Sousuke has gotten stronger over the years.

“It’s been a while, Sousuke!” Rin exclaims as he leads Sousuke out into the benches by an open field where some guys like to play frisbee during break, except it’s thankfully empty now. It’s like the world has emptied itself just to let them have their reunion in perfect privacy.

“Yeah,” Sousuke says with a nod. “Five years, isn't it? Six, this December.”

“Shit, you're right. Why the hell would you transfer schools at this time, though?”

Sousuke regards Rin with an exasperated look. “You're one to talk. Who was the one who transferred right in the middle of winter during sixth grade?”

Rin chuckles, a little sheepish but mostly pleased to see Sousuke still hasn't lost his deadpan edge. “Yeah, I guess you're right.” He settles down next to Sousuke and leans down to rest his elbows on his knees, peering up at Sousuke through his bangs. “Anyway, what brings your ass all the way to Samezuka? Weren't you already going to a high school in Tokyo with a strong swim team?”

“Well, I have my reasons.”

Rin is not an idiot—he picks up on Sousuke’s deliberate hedging and frowns. “What are you being so vague for? That's not like you.”

Sousuke’s smile is small, wry and perhaps a little tight as he replies, “Just thought I’d spend my last year as a high school swimmer in my hometown, enjoying it my way, since I already know where I’ll be going after high school.”

Something about those words doesn't sit right with Rin. Fear seizes his chest. Immediately, he shoots to his feet and stares down at Sousuke, horror rising up his throat like bile. “Wait—wait a minute… you're not gonna quit swimming, are you?”

For a moment so fleeting Rin thinks he's just imagining things, a dark shadow casts over Sousuke’s expression, giving substance to Rin’s worst suspicions.

But just as quickly, it vanishes, and Sousuke looks up to meet Rin’s stare with a smirk. 

“I got scouted.”

Wait, what?

Sc… sco… _scouted?!_

It takes Rin’s brain three tries to fully register those simple words. When it finally does, pride, joy and relief chase away his initial fear. “Damn, man!” he crows, lightly kicking Sousuke’s calf. “That's fucking awesome!”

Sousuke echoes his laughter. “Oi, Rin, cut it out! You're gonna get these pants dirty, _and_ on my first day of school.”

Rin snorts. “Yeah, don't know why they made the winter uniforms for an all-boys school white from top to bottom. But seriously, Sousuke, that's awesome. Have you thought of which university you wanna swim for?"

"Not yet. I might get even better offers this year, so I'm keeping my options open."

Practical as always—that's the Sousuke Rin knows and loves. Rin's grin threatens to stretch right off his face. 

"What about you, Rin?" Sousuke asks. "Someone of your calibre must have gotten some offers by now."

Rin rubs the back of his neck, now feeling a little abashed. "Ah, well, I kinda fucked up my chances last year. My freestyle race at regionals? That was the only event I was in, and I bombed _that_ one. This year's my last chance, and I'm not gonna waste it. I'm gonna become the best I've ever been, break my own records and get the scouts' attention. If I get really good, I might even apply for a scholarship in Australia."

Sousuke's eyebrows arch. "You plan on returning to Australia after high school?" 

"I mean…" Rin trails off, thinking of GREAT and Haru. "Nothing's set in stone yet. I'll make a decision when the time comes. Anyway," he adds with a snicker as another thought occurs to him, "if you're gonna take the scouts up on their offer then you'd better get chummy with the senpai. God knows how lost you'd just get trying to find the pool."

"I'm not _that_ bad," Sousuke mutters with a stubbornness that reminds Rin, bizarrely, of Haru. 

Rin shakes his head with a laugh. "Hey, speaking of which, did you get a chance to take a look around the school yet?”

“Nah, not much. I only got to see the classrooms and a bit of the pool, but it was locked so I only got a glimpse from the outside.”

“I’ll show you around, then. Might even need to get you your own map, considering how shit you are at directions.”

“Don't patronise me, Rin,” Sousuke says, rolling his eyes, but he gets up anyway. He bumps his shoulder against Rin’s, and that takes Rin back to elementary school where they would bolt down the hallway to see who would reach the gate first, bumping shoulders along the way. The thought elicits another laugh from Rin.

Somehow, with just a few minutes with Sousuke, it already feels like they never parted ways at all, and Rin is back in elementary school again.

* * *

Career questionnaires are dumb, Haru decides. 

The entire homeroom period is dedicated to filling in that stupid piece of paper. The top part is all rudimentary stuff, personal particulars and the like, followed by a multiple-choice section about their post-graduation plans. The three options given are _A. College, B. Employment_ and _C. Other._ Below it is a table where they're supposed to fill in their strengths, weaknesses and interests, as well as some blank lines where they are to describe where they hope to see themselves in a year’s time.

Well, it’s not like Haru can write _Genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid for hire,_ so he writes exactly one word on his form and spends the rest of homeroom staring out of the window. The green Bond bubbles with concern and curiosity, which Haru ignores. Makoto is being meddlesome again. He should focus on his own questionnaire, since he takes so long filling them up given how wishy-washy he is.

What he dreads even more is the mandatory career guidance meeting with Amakata-sensei after school. He doesn't want to explain himself to her, but she would undoubtedly demand explanations and then try to dispense life advice he really does not need. He imagines asking her for guidance on _his_ career— _“How do you excel as a superhuman weapon for shady organisations to use?”_ —and nearly snorts at the very thought. She probably wouldn't even believe him. She’d probably send him off to the nurse’s office to get checked for a fever, but not without giving him a quote about not pretending like he's in a comic book first.

If it weren't for Makoto hovering over him, an implicit threat to drag him to the career guidance office disguised under his usual benign smile, Haru would have just packed his stuff and headed back home. Makoto really has a way of reading his mind in a way that transcends the Bond, much to Haru's annoyance. 

Hence, dragging his feet there, he finds himself seated before Amakata-sensei with his nearly blank career questionnaire between them on the table.

“Um…” Amakata’s eyes scan the paper from top to bottom several times, as if needing to confirm what she's reading. “What does this mean?”

Haru knows what she's referring to—he circled _C_ and wrote a simple _Free_ in the brackets provided. “Nothing. It means what it says.”

After all, its only significance lies in the fact that it’s a cruel illusion; so cruel it dares to last years, occasionally leading to moments when if Haru were so careless as to forget about the bombs, he would mistake it for reality. It would be too easy to assume he would always have Makoto fussing over him like the meddlesome idiot he is, Nagisa head-nuzzling him, Rei excitedly going on about theories and beauty, Gou fawning over his triceps and Rin challenging him to races all the time.

Maybe this wouldn't be so painful if he had been locked up from the very beginning and not let out to socialise and, worse, make _ties_ with people.

“Nanase-kun,” Amakata says in a tone that makes Haru’s skin crawl, like she's about to reason with or lecture him, “you want to continue swimming, don't you? Someone with your athletic abilities can probably enter the world of competitive sports.”

Haru keeps his expression deliberately blank. Perhaps if he keeps quiet, she would get bored and dismiss him. 

No such luck.

“Um… well, if the world of competitive swimming isn't for you, art is another one of your strengths, isn't it? You're always getting top grades in your art class, and you drew some really amazing posters for the swim club’s recruitment. There might be some art majors out there that could appeal to you. Why don't you do some research on some degrees you're interested in? We can go over your options in our next meeting.”

Haru still doesn't say a word. He wonders how much effort it would be to come up with some dummy degrees just to get her off his case, or if he can just show up in the next meeting with no university plans mapped out and make up some excuse about being too busy with swim practice. She is the club advisor, though, so that might be tricky. What a pain.

Amakata’s smile is starting to take a nervous strain. “It’s okay if you have not completely decided what you want to do after graduation yet. It’s still April, after all. Many of your classmates are still figuring it out, too. It’s normal for adolescents your age to be confused and uncertain of the future, and that's because the future is brimming with so many possibilities and opportunities to excel! There is a quote that says, _‘Give it a try. You won't know until you do.’_ ”

Haru barely holds back a sigh. That kind of dumb drivel sounds a lot like what a certain pushy redhead would declare while pinning him against a wall or a fence or the ground.

“Hmm, maybe that quote wasn't the right one,” Amakata amends with a cough. “Oh, I know! There is a quote from the book of Jeremiah in the Bible that goes, _‘For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.’_ If you believe in a greater force out there in the universe, you might take comfort in knowing they have a plan for you, even if you yourself don't know what it is yet.”

Yeah, right. The only greater force out there in the universe Haru knows is GREAT, and they certainly have a plan for him. Whether it prospers and doesn't harm him, and whether it gives him hope is another thing. And if there really is a god out there greater than GREAT, it’s probably having the time of its life messing with him, knocking him down to see how much he can take just for some cheap entertainment.

His displeasure must be obvious on his face, because Amakata recoils and mumbles, “So… just think about it, okay? Do some research on what interests you and compile them in a list. We can go over them in our next meeting. You are dismissed, Nanase-kun.”

Haru all but marches to the door in his desperation to finally be out of that stuffy room, the future looming over him in dark shadows and unbeknownst to Amakata-sensei.

Makoto is waiting outside—it was his turn before Haru’s—leaning against the windows. When the door clicks shut behind Haru, Makoto glances up with a smile.

“How did the meeting go, Haru?”

Haru just shrugs, turns and charts a path to the staircase up to the club room. It’s none of Makoto’s business, so he doesn't see why he has to answer Makoto’s usual meddling questions.

“Hey, Haru, wait up!”

Makoto’s footsteps grow louder as he catches up to Haru, whose strides may or may not be larger than usual today. Haru doesn't bother slowing down, though. He knows Makoto’s legs are long enough to keep pace with him and even overtake him if Makoto wanted to.

“You're eager to get to practice today,” Makoto observes, still smiling his usual gentle smile as though Haru didn't just ditch him outside the career guidance office.

“Nagisa, Rei and Gou must already be in the club room,” Haru states plainly.

“Yeah, it’s kinda tight having the meetings after school, since we still have practice too. Guess it’s part of being a third-year, huh?”

Haru thinks it’s a bother. The year would go by a lot easier without all this constant asinine talk about graduation and plans for the future and prospective majors and whatnot. It’s not like talking about it will change what is already set in stone. What a waste of breath.

Makoto’s mouth opens, and Haru gets the feeling he's either going to ask Haru about how his meeting went or talk about how his own was. He has zero interest, so his steps grow bigger and quicker, until he doesn't even realise he has left Makoto behind at the base of the staircase, or notice the confusion and slight hurt emanating from the green Bond.

* * *

All in all, the school day goes by quicker than it normally does, which Rin is glad for, because he gets to bring Sousuke to the pool and introduce him to the team. 

Rin’s heart warms as he watches Ai take to Sousuke like a duck to water. He is as impressed with Sousuke’s top ten national ranking in butterfly as he is whenever Rin so much as breathes. It’s nice having the people important to him all get along. He knows Ai and Nagisa have become something like rivals—given that they both specialise in breastroke—and he wonders how well Sousuke would get along with the Iwatobi guys. Nagisa would definitely try inducting Sousuke into the ‘chan’ club whether Sousuke himself actually likes it or not. Rei would have a field day discussing and debating theories with Sousuke, while Rin can imagine a silent camaraderie based on mutual respect between Makoto and Sousuke.

It’s Haru and how he would get along with Sousuke that _really_ interests Rin, though. They're both uncannily similar in terms of their frosty exteriors that hide a warm, kind heart deep down. 

On the other hand, Sousuke is a swimming theory nut—even more so than Rin himself—while Haru says abstract shit like “Accept the water” and “Let your heart guide you”, so watching them butt heads over the proper approach to swimming might be interesting. Rin grins at the thought. They're both important rivals to him; it would be awesome if those two could become rivals too and they could all have a three-way rivalry going on.

While Rin is musing and trying not to laugh out loud like an idiot, Ai is peppering Sousuke with his usual brand of unrelenting questions. 

“Isn't Tokitsu High’s swim team one of the best in the country? That's amazing! Just what I’d expect of Rin-senpai’s old friend! Does that mean you're friends with Nanase-san and the others from Iwatobi, too?”

“This guy’s my buddy from Sano Elementary, before I transferred to Iwatobi in sixth grade,” Rin explains. “He's got nothing to do with Haru.”

“I do know about Nanase,” Sousuke says. After he finishes warming up his left shoulder, he strides to the pool. “I once raced him at a tournament in middle school. I still remember the way my entire body buzzed with energy when I swam with him.” He turns around and fixes Rin with a shit-eating smirk. “I can see why you're so taken with him, Rin.”

And that asshole has the audacity to dive into the pool before Rin can throw his goggles or Ai at him. 

“What the—oh, for crying out loud,” Rin grumbles. Since it would be abuse to Ai who has done nothing wrong to fling him at his dickhead of a best friend, Rin settles for snapping his goggles strap hard against his head.

 _Haru?!_ Rin could snort. As fucking if. While he can't deny the thrill that shoots through him when racing Haru or his fierce desire to save Haru from GREAT, it’s not like he is… 

_Is he?_

Nah, he knows full well Haru and Makoto have, like, a thing going on, what with their cheesy held gazes and how Haru’s entire demeanour seems to soften around the edges in Makoto’s presence. Rin isn't sure whether he finds it adorable or downright gross.

Still, though he wouldn't admit it ever, there _is_ something about Haru in the water that sets Rin’s competitive spirit aflame; it makes him want to dive headfirst into the water and chase after the trail Haru leaves behind in the world of swimming. That's the world Rin wants to enter. He knows Haru could enter it too if he let himself _believe_ that they _can_ free him from GREAT.

“Rin-senpai,” Ai says, breaking Rin out of his thoughts, “you and Yamazaki-senpai are really close, aren't you?”

Rin just snorts. “Yeah, I guess. Though clearly not close enough if that idiot mistook me for wanting to get boned by Haru.”

A series of loud splashes in the pool captures Rin’s attention—he would recognise that unique sound anywhere, even after nearly six years of not hearing it. He hurries to the edge of the pool to get a better view, and he is not disappointed. 

Sousuke moves through the water with the hurtling power of a comet, his arms swinging legs moving like the crack of a whip. Six years later and he's even stronger than Rin remembers. 

“He's fast,” Ai gasps.

“Raising his upper body unusually high above the surface reduces water resistance during the recovery, making him faster,” Rin recites from his memories of their many butterfly races in Sano SC. “That, and his flexible shoulders. No muscle training can give you those.”

A fire lights in Rin’s chest, close to where Haru’s blue flame has claimed but not taking the spot. It burns a powerful, nearly searing teal in its own place, and Rin has never felt more alive in the moment.

“That Sousuke," he breathes in awe. "He's gonna do well for us.”

“Then that amazing new member Captain Mikoshiba mentioned… could it be him?” Ai wonders, his eyes wide and starry.

Rin frowns. He knows his former captain has a flair for the dramatics, so leave it to him to not tell anyone that one of Japan’s best butterfly swimmers is transferring to their team—but then again, it doesn't make sense for Mikoshiba, a graduating student, to know about Sousuke’s transference.

Well, it doesn't matter whether Mikoshiba knew or not. What matters is Sousuke’s ability, and he really is the real deal. Rin’s heart swells with pride—this year is gonna be a great year.

* * *

After meeting up with the others, the team heads to Iwatobi SC Returns for practice, where Coach Sasabe informs them about the upcoming Splash Fest (stylised as _Sprashu Fes_ on his posters) event he's holding to mark the official opening of Returns. The others, eager to butt into business unrelated to them, offer to help him put up the promotional posters around the town and brainstorm ideas for the main event in return for letting them use the pool.

Even though they're exhausted from practice, they split up and spend about an hour running around town, tacking up the posters wherever they find space and explaining the event to curious passersby. Haru keeps his explanations succinct because he's too tired to bother, but Nagisa has a knack for actually selling the event to people. Perhaps it’s the way he makes things sound grander and fancier than they actually are that entices people like moths to a flame on a rainy night. Or maybe it’s just the way he refuses to leave people alone until they cave in. That's plausible too.

Listening to Nagisa’s excited chattering is starting to take a toll on Haru’s energy, so he sneaks off to stick his poster on a nondescript signboard. Once that's done, he heads to the convenience store, where they all agreed to meet at once done.

He leans against the wall outside, waiting since he's the first to arrive. Light footsteps in the distance grow louder, until a long red ponytail comes into view.

“Oh, there you are, Haruka-senpai!” Gou calls out, waving.

Haru nods in acknowledgement. He doesn't see what she's so surprised about—they did agree to meet here, after all.

She takes the spot beside him. Her hands are crossed behind her back, as if she's thinking. “Haruka-senpai, you had your career guidance talk with Amakata-sensei before coming for club activities, right?”

Haru nods again.

“How did it go?”

Haru’s eyes narrow in suspicion. He wouldn't put it past Rin to rope his sister into his stupid schemes. If that's so, he won't give Rin that satisfaction, so he shrugs and mutters, “Fine.”

“It… it must be a lot of pressure being a third-year,” Gou says haltingly, as if grasping at straws for ways to thaw Haru’s ice. “Even though I'm still a second-year, I'm already getting nervous thinking of next year.”

“Then don't think about it.”

“The future isn't something you can't just not think about, Haruka-senpai,” Gou reproaches, now sounding an awful lot like her brother. “Onii-chan was asking me the other day—you know, when he walked me back home—about my plans for the future. I didn't think he'd be so invested, but I'm really happy!”

Well, at least one person is happy about Rin’s tendency to get overly invested in other people’s futures and pushing them even when his efforts are not the least bit appreciated. Better his sister than Haru himself.

“I told him I'm thinking of going into something related to sports,” Gou continues. “Maybe sports team management, since it’s similar to what I'm doing now. Though I suppose managing, say, the national swim team will be a huge step up from a high school sports club. Hmm… or maybe I’ll become a physical trainer! That way, I can help people grow their best muscles!” Once more, she starts sparkling, and Haru averts his eyes.

“Good for you,” he says blandly. 

Not waiting for her response, which is sure to be something along the lines of “What about you, Haruka-senpai? What do you want to do in the future?”, he turns around and marches into the store, leaving the tinkling of the bell and his confused manager behind.

* * *

Practice is nothing short of productive, Rin is pleased to report. On top of breaking his own record in 100-meter freestyle, Sousuke falls a mere 1.3 seconds short of shattering Rin’s butterfly record. Nevertheless, the entire team is taken by how fast and powerful is. Rin’s pride threatens to burst out of him.

After a shower, Rin heads to the cafeteria with Sousuke—whom he specifically instructed not to leave without him lest he gets lost in the campus again—when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Gou?” Sousuke guesses.

Rin fishes his phone out, takes one look at the caller ID and shakes his head. “Nagisa—uh, one of my old teammates from Iwatobi SC. Sorry, Sousuke. I’ll make it quick.”

Sousuke nods and shuffles down the hallway to give Rin some privacy while remaining in Rin’s peripheral vision.

“Yo, what's up, Nagisa?”

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa’s excited voice pierces Rin’s eardrums even through the phone. “Swim with us at the Splash Fest! Please, please, _please,_ Rin-chan!”

“Splash… Fest?” Rin repeats dubiously. 

“At Iwatobi SC Returns!” Rei and Nagisa chorus in unison.

That does not explain shit. 

“Uh, I don't follow.”

There's some shuffling before a different voice speaks. “Hello, Rin?”

“Oh, is that you, Makoto?” Relief fills Rin. Finally someone sane who will actually explain shit to him.

“Yeah, it's me. You remember Coach Sasabe from the old Iwatobi SC, right? The place was about to be torn down but the project fell through, so he's rebuilt it and renamed it Iwatobi SC Returns. He's holding an opening event a couple of weeks from now, and we’re thinking of having a medley relay as the main event—Haru’s idea, by the way.”

“Oi, no need to tell him that,” Haru snaps. Judging by the loudness of his voice despite how much it sounds like his usual mutter, he must be pressed up real close to Makoto. Adorable but also gross. 

Rin catches on to what exactly they want from him. “So you're saying you want us to be your opponents?”

“You think you could?” Makoto asks eagerly.

Rin sighs. “You guys are so troublesome…”

There's some shuffling like the phone is being snatched away again, and the other end is soon filled with Gou and Nagisa's pleas of “ _Please?!—Onii-chan!—Rin-chan!”_

Let it not be said that the combined powers of one’s younger sister and adorable twink childhood friend do not work on forcing a singular Matsuoka Rin into bending to his friends' will.

“Fine fine _fine,_ I’ll do it,” Rin grumbles, if only to get the whining to stop. “Look, it’s dinnertime and it’s steak night, so I gotta dash before the other assholes eat them all up. Gou, text me the details. Later.”

He hangs up and stuffs his phone in his sweatpants pocket with an aggrieved sigh, then rejoins Sousuke.

“Splash Fest, huh?” 

“Honestly,” Rin mutters. “How carefree can those guys be, huh? I understand Haru not giving a damn and just wanting to feel the water or whatever, but I thought Makoto would be more responsible than that.” He pauses. “Eh, on second thought, the guy’s a sucker and he probably agreed to it to make Nagisa happy. It's impossible to say no to Nagisa, by the way. Rei—Nagisa's classmate and keeper—has probably found some scientific way to prove it."

“You complain about those guys, but you still agreed to do it for them, didn't you?” Sousuke points out, smirking at Rin. 

Well, _yeah,_ but that doesn't mean Rin appreciates the call-out. He glares at the floor as they make their way down the hallway to the cafeteria, wondering why on earth he had to go and swim a relay with those free spirits all those years ago. 

Wait. 

A new, more pressing issue occurs to him. 

“But who's gonna swim with me?” Rin wonders, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s a _relay,_ after all. It’s not an official event, so I can't exactly approach the team with it.” Maybe he should have thought this over better _before_ agreeing to this stupid Splash Fest, and he's not one who likes going back on his promises, no matter how stupid they are or how rashly they were made.

“I don't mind doing it,” Sousuke says, tone casual, and Rin’s head snaps up. 

“Huh? Really?”

“Yeah. But on one condition—I’d like to swim the freestyle leg.”

Rin blinks. What an odd condition from Sousuke. “I mean, that's fine with me, but I thought butterfly was your specialty.”

Sousuke just regards him with a vague smile. “I just feel like swimming freestyle.”

* * *

After a long day of career talks, classes, practice, running around town and phone calls with Rin, Makoto returns home nothing short of exhausted. He takes the world’s quickest shower and then crashes in bed half an hour before dinnertime. The twins insist on cuddling up with him because they miss him.

“How was Onii-chan’s day?” Ran interrogates.

Makoto smiles tiredly. “It was good. Practice was productive but exhausting—the normal for Coach Sasabe, really. Oh, and I talked to my teacher about my plans after graduation.”

“Gr… graduation?” Ren repeats, hesitant like he's experimenting with the sound of the word on his tongue. “Does that mean you're leaving?”

“I’ll be leaving high school, yes. Um, provided that I don't fail anything, of course.”

Ran’s lower lip trembles. “Is Onii-chan going away? Mom told me she left her hometown to study in a university in Tokyo. Will Onii-chan be leaving too?”

Makoto hesitates. So far, he has nothing set in stone. With his grades, he could probably make it into the local university, though he has no idea what he’ll major in. Unlike Rin, who knows what he wants and how to get there, Makoto has no idea what he wants. Is the world of competitive swimming for him? It certainly is for Rin, and Haru definitely has the potential to excel in that world too if that's what he wants.

What about Makoto? Is that path for him? And if not, what will he pursue and where? 

With no concrete answer, Makoto doesn't want to give his siblings false hope or otherwise lie to them. Instead, he kisses the top of their heads and murmurs, “I don't know yet. But I’ll figure it out soon.”

Hopefully.

That answer seems to satisfy them. After murmuring their support for their beloved Onii-chan, Ran and Ren fall asleep on his chest and stomach respectively. Makoto smiles fondly and rests his hands on them to keep them secure.

This moment of peace doesn't last long. Soon, their mother is calling them for dinner downstairs, and the twins insist on him clinging to him because they didn't get much of a chance to be with him lately. A twinge of guilt nags at him. He loves his siblings and he wants to be there with them as they grow up, but with how hectic being a high school senior is he has had barely any time to even breathe. He still wants to do something for them, though, no matter how small, so he lets them cling to him. 

At the dinner table, his parents ask him the same stuff and he tells them what he told the twins. They smile and give him their usual pep talk—that they're always here for him if he needs advice or just someone to talk to, and they're one hundred percent supporting him in whatever he wants to do—so he returns the smile and thanks them. The twins immediately occupy their parents' attention with excited and contradicting recounts of their day in school, and Makoto quietly tucks into his dinner while listening to them.

A long day at school doesn't stop Makoto from changing into his jogging attire after dinner and meeting Haru at the stone staircase. They take their usual brisk walk down the stairs to warm up, then head out to their routine path along the beach. Haru even agrees to Makoto’s suggestion of increasing their distance to train for the tournament, which Makoto takes with a surprised blink. The Haru of last year would never agree to doing extra training— _“It requires effort”_ —and seeing how fired up Haru is now makes Makoto’s heart swell with pride.

After stretching their legs, they set off on the old weathered path. As usual, Haru takes the side closer to the ocean. He insists it’s because he likes water so obviously he wants to be near it, but Makoto is grateful for it nonetheless. Though his fear has died down to a small—albeit uncomfortable—lurch in his chest, he feels protected when he has Haru guarding him from the ocean, whether they're jogging as part of their tournament preparation or walking to school in the morning. Haru doesn't have to say a thing for Makoto to know how much he cares for him.

The silence is comfortable and companionable, as it always is, but a new thought strikes Makoto.

“Hey, Haru?”

“Hm?”

“What are you going to do? About the thing Rin mentioned the other day, I mean.”

When Makoto glances at Haru out of the corner of his eye, he notices Haru’s near-imperceptible stiffening—or at least, to the untrained eye. But Makoto, who has known Haru longer than he can remember, can detect every tiny nuance in Haru’s behaviour.

Haru’s tone, too, is oddly stilted as he says, “It doesn't matter where I swim. As long as I can.”

Makoto gets a nagging feeling that there is more to Haru’s cryptic answer than he's letting on, but the finality in his tone makes it obvious he doesn't want to talk about it. 

So Makoto lets out a chuckle of “That's so like you, Haru” and changes the subject. He tells Haru about his meeting with Ama-chan. When he told her he wasn't sure of what he wanted, she suggested he look into social work or teaching, since she had observed he's good at working with people and he has, in her words, “a kind, nurturing heart of gold”. His ears burn as he repeats that part to Haru, hoping Haru doesn't think it sounds stupid.

But he chances a glance at Haru. On his face is a vacant expression, like his mind is no longer in the present moment. Makoto’s voice falters. The rest of what he wants to tell Haru dangles aimlessly in the air between them before free-falling out of Makoto’s grasp.

Even if Haru doesn't speak much, he _always_ listens to Makoto. He listens to all of Makoto’s idle rambling and stupid fears and insecurities, even if he probably doesn't understand them. Despite his laconic and occasionally even standoffish exterior, he is extremely kind deep down, and he always listens quietly when Makoto needs him to.

Today, however, Haru seems preoccupied.

“Haru,” Makoto says hesitantly. “Is… is everything okay?”

Haru just lets out a noncommittal hum which Makoto isn't sure what to make of. Even the Bond doesn't betray anything particularly incriminating from Haru’s end. Maybe he's had a long day and wants to run in silence. Maybe he just wants to save his breath—they _are_ jogging a longer distance than usual, after all. Or maybe that's just Haru’s way of reassuring Makoto that yes, he is okay, and Makoto is fretting over nothing again.

Makoto decides not to think too deeply into it. If Haru thinks it’s important, he will tell Makoto, so all Makoto has to do is trust in that. 

The rest of the jog is spent in silence.

* * *

Meeting Rin and his crew is nothing short of exhausting to Haru, and that was before the Splash Fest even commenced. Among their ranks is a boy named Mikoshiba Momotarou—the younger, even more annoying version of Samezuka’s former captain—who instantly becomes smitten with Gou. 

But the one that sends invisible bugs crawling under Haru’s skin is one Yamazaki Sousuke. To Haru’s irritation, Yamazaki is even taller and more looming than he last remembered him being. And when their eyes meet across the foyer, Yamazaki fixes him with a glower that pretty much says, _This is not over. I’ll talk to you later._

Haru doesn't know what is over or what even began between them, since the only contact they had was in middle school, where Yamazaki confronted him about swimming seriously because Rin was training all alone in Australia (Haru didn't see what that had to do with him and still doesn't), showed up at his doorstep to return his dolphin keychain and grudgingly shared croquettes with him, and gave him Rin’s letter even though it was originally addressed to Yamazaki himself. Okay, perhaps the second one wasn't too bad, considering it was Yamazaki’s company Haru had to endure, but that was the only somewhat cordial meeting they've had in their brief stint knowing each other. As far as Haru is concerned, the only thing they have in common is being friends with Rin, for better or for worse. Even then, he doesn't see what unfinished business he apparently has with Yamazaki.

Oblivious to their silent stare-down, Rin drags the miniature Mikoshiba by the neck away from Gou, and the rest of his team trails behind him. As if taking her cue from Rin, Amakata-sensei hastily ushers Haru and the others to the main pool too. 

The main event hasn't even started yet and Haru is already drained just from being in a room full of hyperactive children and excited teenagers and chatting adults. He sticks with his team as they watch the armoured sidestroke competition as well as the muscle contest Gou is on the judging panel for. Somehow, she manages to rope Rin and Makoto into participating in it too. While she awards the most points to her brother, Makoto still ends up winning. Rin congratulates Makoto with a good-natured “Good for you, Makoto”, while Makoto accepts his trophy with a shy smile and blush.

Haru may be used to Gou’s fixations, but he doesn't appreciate an entire panel of strangers ogling at and fawning over Makoto. When Makoto regroups with them, Haru is still grappling with that annoying feeling of claws raking down the inside of his chest. His face too hot to offer Makoto any greetings or congratulations, he merely turns away with a scowl.

Nagisa giggles. It sounds far too knowing and mischievous to mean anything good for Haru. “Haru-chan is jealous, Mako-chan,” he says in a stage-whisper.

“Am not,” Haru replies curtly.

“Eh, are you sure, Haru?” Makoto exclaims, panicked. “Sorry, should I not have—”

“You do what you want,” Haru mumbles, ignoring the ugly prickling feeling in his chest.

“So Haru-chan _is_ jealous!”

Haru spears Nagisa with a glare. “Am not.”

“Are too!”

“Am _not._ ”

“Are _too!_ ” 

“It is perfectly normal to feel territorial, Haruka-senpai,” Rei chimes in, seemingly oblivious to the growing redness in Makoto’s ears or the way Haru’s lip curls in growing displeasure. “It is all evolutionary psychology. When confronted with a threat to your mate, it is natural for your protective instincts to kick in and—”

“I am leaving,” Haru snaps.

To make good on his threat, he pivots on his heel and storms out into the hallway, down to the very end where a vending machine is situated. 

He pauses in front of its pale fluorescent glow. Footsteps echo behind him like claps of thunder before rain comes in a mighty storm. They halt somewhere behind him, and the back of his neck prickles. Haru has no plans on giving the person behind him the satisfaction they want just yet, though. He slides his coins into the machine, jams his finger hard against a button and retrieves the bottle of chilled water that tumbles out.

Only then does he speak up.

“What do you want, Yamazaki?”

“It’s been a while, Nanase.”

Haru resists the urge to click his tongue in annoyance. Yamazaki says that like they're old friends or something. As far as Haru is concerned, they're nothing. Not friends, barely even acquaintances. In the recesses of his memory, Yamazaki is just some meddlesome idiot who's too invested in Rin’s goals for his own good and seems to hold some stupid belief that Haru has anything to do with that. 

“I saw your relay at last year’s regionals,” Yamazaki continues, either not noticing Haru’s disinterest in the conversation or not giving a damn. Knowing him, it’s probably the latter.

“And you're here now?” Haru turns to see Yamazaki leaning against the wall, too casual, like a wolf lying in wait of its unsuspecting prey. Haru’s defenses rise, but he forces himself to keep his usual stoic front. If he tries to stride past him, Yamazaki would probably just block him.

“As it happens. What you guys did was really idiotic, though. You even dragged Rin into it.” Yamazaki lets out several short barks of laughter, with no real humour in them whatsoever.

“What is it you want to say?” Haru asks testily. 

Yamazaki’s grim smile twists into a lethal glare aimed at the floor, like Haru is nothing but a speck of dirt at his feet. “I would _never_ have forced him to do something like that.”

A million arguments run through Haru’s mind—he didn't force Rin, and in fact it was someone else’s idea; it _was_ dumb but Rin needed it so he could see that he didn't have to do everything on his own; it’s none of Yamazaki’s business in the first place, so he should focus on himself instead. 

All that comes out of his mouth, however, is a clipped “What do you mean?”

Yamazaki pushes himself off the wall. He takes one large stride towards Haru and then another, until Haru is forced to back up against the vending machine or risk bashing noses with Yamazaki. Stunned, all he can do is stare up at Yamazaki, wide-eyed. Their height difference is just a little bigger than his with Makoto, yet Yamazaki seems to loom over him like Haru is a mere sapling to Yamazaki’s oak tree.

“Don't you _ever_ get in Rin’s way again,” Yamazaki growls.

With how big and broad he is, Yamazaki could probably beat Haru up to within an inch of his life if Haru doesn't activate his superpowers. Nevertheless, he stands his ground and glares back up at Yamazaki, as if to say _Try me._ He tries not to let his hands shake too much. 

Time crawls by as Yamazaki attempts to burn Haru alive with his glare. Haru waits for it—the follow-up threat, or perhaps a fist to the face. He has water in his hands. If he's lucky, he'd be able to douse himself before Yamazaki’s fists land on him.

Instead, with a final scoff, Yamazaki merely whirls around and stalks away.

And Haru is left standing there, with only his pride keeping his shaking legs upright.

* * *

Haru feels like he has every right to be suspicious when Rin all but demands a joint practice with Iwatobi a mere week after the Splash Fest. He thought Rin would’ve gotten sick of seeing their faces by now, but apparently not and that's what makes this arrangement so suspicious. It’s not like Haru can protest the joint practice, though, since he doesn't have any good reason the team would accept. 

And this is how he finds himself at Samezuka’s pool one fine Saturday morning with his teammates and manager none the wiser about his inner dread.

What gets Haru even more paranoid is how _normal_ Rin is acting. He runs land circuits—drafted by Gou herself for Maximum Muscle Improvement—as he normally does, not looking at Haru any longer than he does at any other member of his own team. He doesn't call Haru out other than to ask for a race after the time trials, which Haru agrees to on pure instinct. He doesn't miss the way Yamazaki’s eyes keep boring into him for the rest of the land circuits, but he ignores Yamazaki in favour of three circuits of one-minute planks, followed by three circuits of thirty crunches where Makoto offers to hold his feet for him.

Even in the pool, Rin doesn't do or say anything weird other than his usual trash talk. Haru ends up narrowly beating Rin during their impromptu race, and all Rin has to say about that is “Enjoy your victory while it lasts, because I'm coming for your ass in prefecturals”. Haru just wishes Rin would leave him and his ass alone.

Later, Haru realises this was all just a ruse to get him to lower his guard, because after practice just as he's about to hit the showers, Rin pulls him aside.

Literally. He grabs Haru by the goggles around his neck, and Haru is forced to go along if he doesn't want to be strangled to death. Nagisa cheerily waves him off, Rei sends him a thumbs-up, Makoto smiles at Haru as if to reassure him, and Yamazaki’s glower threatens to burn him to a crisp, while Nitori and the miniature Mikoshiba merely look curious. 

“What do you want, Rin?” Haru snaps once Rin releases him. The fact that they're in an isolated corridor only makes him even more jumpy. 

“I finally managed to decode the letter your grandpa sent to me.”

“I thought I told you I'm not interested.”

“No, listen,” Rin says, his eyes flashing dangerously. “Remember what I told you about Sweden?”

Reluctantly, Haru nods. He has been trying his hardest to forget about that and focus on just swimming with his friends, but Rin’s words have a way of sticking in his mind like a particularly vexing wasp.

“Well.” Rin fishes a slightly crumpled piece of paper from his jacket pocket and shoves it into Haru’s hands. “This has everything your grandpa managed to find out so far. Sweden’s branch is a very real and possible threat. They have this guy named Albert. And…"

Haru arches his eyebrows. He dreads the answer, yet somehow he finds himself asking, "And what?"

“And, Haru, he's a lot like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that i've started school again, between schoolwork, working on the last few chapters of this fic and generally trying to survive, updates may be more sporadic. i'll still try to keep to weekly updates, though the day i update may vary. thank you for your understanding :')
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	15. please don't be in love with someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Reichanisittrueyou’llneverfallinlove?” Nagisa demands in one breath.
> 
> Rei blinks once, twice. “I beg your pardon?”
> 
> Nagisa’s lip trembles like he's on the verge of bursting into tears. Still, he slows down by a fraction for Rei. “Rei-chan, is it true you'll never fall in love?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reigisa stans: this chapter is for you. enjoy :-)
> 
> chapter title from the song [enchanted by my girl taylor swift.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWSt64gNr30)

In theory, participating in the inter-club relay race as a last ditch attempt to attract freshmen to their team sounded like a good idea. Rei, however, knows rather well—more than he’d be comfortable admitting—that just because things sound good in theory doesn't necessarily mean they'll work out likewise in practice.

The Iwatobi Swim Club returns to a still-empty club room, and that is when their industrious, hard-working, persevering manager finally admits defeat. Their window for recruiting freshmen is rapidly shrinking—as bitter a pill it is to swallow—so perhaps it is time for them to shift their attention to other important matters. After all, they still have a functioning team for this year.

Makoto seems to think the same. Now that the weather is starting to get warmer, they finally have permission to open the pool. He leads them out to brief them about the upcoming prefectural tournament, grabbing Haruka’s arm just as he was about to leap into the pool without missing a beat or batting an eye. Haruka puts up a valiant struggle against Makoto, but Makoto’s upper body strength reigns superior. Reluctantly, Haruka ceases his resistance and seems to opt for staring longingly at the sparkling pool from a distance.

Talk soon shifts to the events they plan on entering. When peered at with four pairs of curious, eager eyes, Haruka glances away and mutters, “I only swim free and relay.”

Even though he is not a part of the Bond, Rei can still feel everyone’s delight loud and clear as if he were. The matching sparkles of joy in Nagisa and Makoto’s eyes tell him all he needs to know. He doesn't need a reflection to know he himself is glowing with elation. After his missed chance to swim a relay with them at regionals—a decision made willingly while knowing full well the consequences—he would very dearly like to swim one with them again. Their relay with Rin looked so beautiful when viewed from up in the stands—how much more beautiful would it be to be down there by the pool, surrounded by the teammates he has worked so hard with all year long? He sighs, longing for a relay the same way Haruka longs to be in water.

Makoto regards Haruka with a quiet look that nonetheless speaks volumes of the fondness he holds the other with, then turns to the team with his usual captain-like authority. “Since this is my last year of swimming competitively in high school, I'm thinking of entering a freestyle race too," he announces. 

Haruka’s head jerks upwards, while nothing but joy and faith in Makoto fills Rei. If it’s Makoto-senpai, he can definitely do it.

“Then maybe I’ll try entering the butterfly race too!” Nagisa sings, swinging his arms out in demonstration. Rei can't help but find that—despite how inaccurate it is in terms of actual form—an endearing effort.

“Isn't butterfly your weakest stroke, Nagisa?” Makoto asks with gentle teasing in his tone.

Nagisa splutters and reddens, but of course, nothing can keep him down for long. With a disarming grin, he changes the topic. “This is really exciting! All this talk about prefecturals is getting me really pumped! Hey hey, Rei-chan,” he adds, swivelling to peer at Rei like an eager puppy, “why don't you try entering the breastroke event? We can race each other!”

Embarrassment fills Rei, and he looks away from Nagisa’s wide, hopeful eyes. “Never mind entering it—I still can't swim anything but butterfly,” he mutters, nothing short of displeased with himself.

“ _Whaaaat?_ Don't say that!” Nagisa whines. He hops closer and nuzzles his head none too gently against Rei’s bicep. “You're not the same Rei-chan you used to be.”

That last part grabs Rei’s attention. He frowns, unable to place Nagisa’s tone. Is it supposed to be encouraging, like _“You have improved so much this past year! Surely you can learn the other strokes!"_ Or is it supposed to be _accusing_ —accusing Rei of giving up before he's even tried?

Rei wonders. Well, going by his lackluster performance last year, it is rather evident that he can't swim anything but butterfly—unless he would like to sink to the bottom like a boulder, which he does not. The experience was so shameful he hasn't tried swimming anything but butterfly ever since, having taken comfort in the fact that at least there is one stroke he can swim. 

The idea of trying something new—no, that's not accurate. The idea of trying something which he has failed to achieve countless times prior _again_ is illogical. As Einstein once said, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is madness. (And _no,_ Amakata-sensei is _not_ rubbing off on him, what are you talking about?) 

As if hearing Rei’s thoughts, Nagisa wraps an arm around him and pushes up onto his tiptoes to rest his chin on Rei’s shoulder. “Hey Rei-chan, I bet at this point you can swim any stroke you want!”

Something in Rei defrosts, like a pair of soft warm hands have pressed themselves against it and personally melted it. Rei’s voice certainly does not do something as inelegant as _tremble_ as he asks, “Do you really think so, Nagisa-kun?”

Nagisa’s chin digs into Rei’s shoulder as he nods vigorously. “Of course!”

“That's true,” Gou says with a thoughtful hum. “After all, Rei-kun studies swimming theories diligently every day.”

“I guess in theory, it _would_ be possible, at least…” Rei trails off. Even with the others being nothing but kind and supportive, doubt still refuses to leave him alone. He has learned the hard way that just because you know the theory behind something doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to do it, _and_ do it well. After all, he aims far higher than just being able to do things; he wants to be able to carry them out with utmost _perfection._ Memories of the all-nighters he pulled to study all the theories of swimming he could find, only to sink like a rock in the pool the next day flit through his mind, and invisible ants crawl over his skin.

“But you can swim now, Rei,” Makoto points out, gentle as ever. “And because you can swim now, I bet your backstroke would be beautiful.”

 _B…_ _beautiful…_

Newfound determination pumps through Rei. If there is beauty to be sought, then he shall do everything in his power to seek it out. 

“Very well, then!” He snaps his goggles on and leaps up on a starting block. “I shall present a beautiful backstroke, breastroke and freestyle to all of you! Please feast your eyes on my performance!”

Nagisa, Gou and Makoto burst into polite applause, while Haruka comes up for air in the lane beside Rei’s. He pulls his cap and goggles off, shakes the water out of his hair, and turns to watch Rei with quiet curiosity.

Even though it has been a year, Rei still remembers all the breastroke techniques Nagisa imparted to him last year. He bends his knees at the precise angle Coach Sasabe prescribed, grips the starting block with just enough strength to keep his balance but not too much lest his fingers cramp, then turns his entire body into an ear as Haruka taught him. 

An imaginary whistle is blown, and he leaps off the block with his arms stretched at the optimal angle for smooth entry into the water. He slots himself in and starts pulling his arms in wide arcs, followed by his legs circling in the same motion. Everything is going according to his calculations and all the techniques he's read…

Yet

He

Still

Sinks. 

All the way to the bottom.

Flustered, he rises to the surface and attempts a perfect backstroke, only to choke as chlorinated water invades his nose. His body sinks down in the form of a negative linear graph. 

Not to be defeated so easily, he pushes himself up and flips over into a front crawl a lá Haruka, but his body starts mimicking a negative linear graph again. His legs sink down too, despite his best efforts to keep then afloat, aligning him in a flawless parallel line with the bottom of the pool.

Frustration shreds at his heart. Why, why, _WHY?!_

He screams this to the heavens as he bursts through the surface and rips his goggles off like they had betrayed him when he needed them the most.

“I… I really thought I could,” he whispers forlornly. The encouragement shouted from the poolside flies right over his head—all he can hear is _failure, not beautiful, not good enough_ echoing like persistent drum beats in his ears.

The water undulates beside him in gentle ripples. Through its surface bursts out Haruka, who doesn't say anything to Rei. Instead, he watches Rei silently, his eyes clear of disappointment or judgement.

“I'm sorry, Haruka-senpai,” Rei sniffles. “That _free_ —it was not beautiful. It was nowhere as beautiful as yours.”

“Rei,” Haruka says, plain and even as ever. Unlike Makoto, Nagisa and Gou, he doesn't sound the least bit encouraging, but rather like he's about to impart to Rei a simple truth. “You don't have to force yourself to swim something different. As long as you have your own swimming style, that's enough, isn't it?”

The thing is, Rei gets where Haruka is coming from. After all, only a fool would not be able to see the way Haruka swims freestyle with the complete ease that only comes with swimming the same way his entire life. And more than that, Rei is cognizant of how important it is to Haruka that people do things their own way, freely.

But Rei—he wants to do _better._ He knows he _can_ be better if he just figured out how not to sink like the world’s most pathetic rock when he attempts any non-butterfly stroke.

Miserably, he thanks Haruka-senpai for his kindness and returns home. His failure trails behind him in the long shadows cast by the setting sun.

* * *

Haruka’s words linger with Rei as he goes about his next day in a swimming-related stupor. To his credit, he does his valiant best to pay attention during Literature class, but it’s hard when the passage they're supposed to analyse is about water and all he can think about is yesterday’s failure.

After their Literature class, he politely declines Nagisa’s invitation to dine with Makoto and Haruka on the roof in favour of perusing the library’s section on athletics. While he is touched by Haruka’s words which definitely had Rei’s best interests at heart, he knows deep down that it’s not enough. It’s frustrating, only being able to swim one stroke not because he chooses to—unlike Haruka and freestyle—but because it is the only one he _can_ do. Makoto has a powerful front crawl which he demonstrated in the friendly Samezuka-versus-Iwatobi freestyle relay race; and though it’s not as dynamic as Makoto’s or refined as Haruka’s, Nagisa has a decent front crawl too. On top of that, it’s apparent that Nagisa knows how to swim strokes aside from his specialty too, if Makoto’s remark about butterfly being his weakest stroke is anything to go by. 

Rei’s heart sinks as he compares where he stands to his teammates. Even after a year of swimming with them, he still can't keep up with their training menu; Gou has had to make a separate one for him and update it every few weeks as he makes progress. How could he have brazenly dared to brainstorm ideas to recruit freshmen, when any possible freshman interested in swimming would probably be better than him? Can he really call himself their senpai if he can't even do a basic front crawl without sinking straight down to the bottom?

When he encounters Sera-senpai by pure chance in the library, it only serves to increase his doubts. Sera-senpai tells him that he shines more on the track than in the pool, and a weak, ugly part of him wonders if it's true; if he wasn't suited for swimming after all, despite his best efforts.

Rei spends the rest of the day stuck in the maelstrom in his head, which howls and bristles in the back of his mind, refusing to leave him alone to calculate the length of the hypotenuse or memorise the new list of English vocabulary words in peace. 

Nagisa seems to pick up on his mood, and he invites Rei to Haruka’s home for popsicles and squid (an odd combination only Nagisa would enjoy) in a transparent attempt to cheer him up. However, Rei’s mind is still stuck on _“To me, you seem to shine more on the track”_ , so he mutters an excuse, pivots on his heel and marches to the train station, though not without sparing a glance over his shoulder. Nagisa’s head slumps in clear disappointment, and his eyes that normally gleam with the thrill of adventure now look like dulled rubies. Guilt nags at Rei, but it’d be worse if he stayed, because he would be too preoccupied to fully enjoy the company of Nagisa and the others.

The train ride home is quiet, and perhaps it feels a little _too_ quiet without Nagisa eagerly chatting his ear off about everything under the sun, or Nagisa’s head pressed against his shoulder after a particularly exhausting day at school. Truth be told, Rei misses Nagisa’s presence that paradoxically seems so physically small but at the same time so massive, encompassing Rei’s whole world. But at the same time, he can't bring himself to explain this to Nagisa. For one, it has been proven countless times that Nagisa can't help him improve even with his most earnest efforts. It would be futile to confide in someone who doesn't know how to help him.

But more than that, he just doesn't want Nagisa to see him like this—lost, uncertain and insecure. This side of him is not at all beautiful, and he would sooner wear all the ridiculous onesies in the world than let Nagisa see such an unflattering side of himself.

After the train pulls up in his station, only his pride keeps his posture upright as he valiantly attempts not to do something as inelegant as slump back home. 

The moment he slips into his home and has his bedroom door safely locked behind him, however, is when he finally lets his walls down. His bag slides to the floor, and he collapses on his bed, not even removing his glasses. His entire conversation with Sera-senpai plays in his head for the umpteenth time that day like a broken recorder.

_“If you're ever interested in returning to the track team, we’ll welcome you back with open arms.”_

For a moment he will later be ashamed of, he is tempted. Oh, he is _incredibly_ tempted. After all, when he ran during the inter-club relay, he felt back in his element. Running, the feel of the rough track beneath his sneakers—all that is familiar to him the way the water is a second home to Haruka.

But then he remembers something crucial: in the past year with the swim club, Rei has learned all sorts of different things about sports, about beauty, and—most remarkably of them all—about friendship and love. He has seen it in Nagisa wrapping him in a hug and telling him he could swim any stroke he wanted; he's witnessed it in the gentle smiles Makoto gives Haruka, and Haruka’s quiet but fierce protectiveness of Makoto when confronted by the ocean. He watched it unfold and bloom to life when they welcomed Rin back in spite of the terrible way he had treated them, forgiving him and moving on to create something beautiful to leave their mark on history. 

Rei would probably never have learned all this if he had stayed in the track team. Even though it would have been more _comfortable_ for him, it wouldn't have been as _enlightening_ —and that, ultimately, is what he wants: to keep learning about the world around him and of all the beautiful mystery it holds.

There is no beauty in standing still in the same place. But diving headfirst into something new no matter how much it frightens you so you can learn more than you would have staying in the same place— _that’s_ beauty to him.

The realisation is so simple yet profound it nearly moves Rei to tears. He wants to continue swimming. And, more than that, he wants to learn the different ways there are to swim. He _needs_ to quench his thirst for knowledge.

Practically speaking, though… he still sinks like an anvil whenever he attempts any stroke other than butterfly. To their credit, his teammates tried their best but unfortunately to no avail. Theory books have presented no assistance, either—they have not informed him of anything he doesn't already know, and what he currently knows is not helping him to not sink in the pool. 

Feeling stupid and helpless, he rolls over on his side, grimacing when he spots the smudges on his lenses. He removes his glasses and pushes himself upright to place them on his bedside table, only to pause when the picture taken after last year’s relay comes into view. He grabs the frame and zeroes in on the tall, redheaded figure beside Haruka.

And just like that, a metaphorical lightbulb falls from the ceiling and hits his head.

_Nagisa-kun, Gou-san, Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai may not have been able to teach me… but there may still be hope for me yet!_

* * *

“Rei-chan is acting weird” has to be the understatement of the decade—at least, it is to Nagisa. The entire week, Rei has not only been falling asleep during class ( _totally_ not like Rei-chan to do, by the way; in fact, he's the one always nagging Nagisa to pay attention during class), he has also been avoiding each and every one of Nagisa’s invitations to hang out after school. Nagisa asks Rei to hang out after practice today, only to be turned down with a vague “Sorry, I have something to do again today”.

The next day, Nagisa proudly displays a bright poster promoting the new ice cream place near the train station (he charmed the cashier into giving it to him) and even offers to treat Rei to whatever ice cream he'd like, but he is turned down again. During art class, he asks Rei if he can drop by his place after school since there's no practice. He even has their onesies in his schoolbag in case Rei agrees, but no such luck. It has come to the point where it’s like Rei is actively _avoiding_ him after school. Nagisa has never seen him pack his bag so quickly and dash out of the classroom like his world will end if he doesn't leave the school ASAP. 

However, Nagisa doesn't know the meaning of giving up. On Sunday, he takes a bus down to Rei’s home with the onesies in a large shopping bag and his math worksheets stuffed in his book-bag, only for Rei’s mother to answer the door and inform him he's out. Only then does he truly start to despair—Rei pretty much always stays at home to study on Sundays, which is why Nagisa often chooses that day to crash at Rei’s place when his sisters’ teasing gets too much to handle. For Rei to be out of the house on Sunday, _and_ after an entire week of avoiding Nagisa, he's starting to think there is something _off_ about Rei-chan.

On Monday, he reaches his limit when Rei turns him down for the millionth time. He corrals Haru, Makoto and Gou outside the club room and declares, “Something is definitely wrong with Rei-chan!”

His audience disappoints him today. All he gets is a blunt “Really?” from Haru and a “He's still diligent about coming to practice, though” from Makoto. Mild confusion starts to dawn only when Nagisa ardently describes yesterday’s fruitless attempt to catch Rei outside of school.

Gou, on the other hand, gasps in realisation. “I saw Rei-kun on Sunday. Hana-chan and I were shopping for ingredients to make sweets, and I saw him in the store too. He… he looked like he didn't want anyone to bother him, so I didn't call out to him.”

“Rei’s buying sweets?” Makoto asks, sounding as bewildered as Nagisa feels. This is _Rei-chan,_ who criticises Nagisa’s Iwatobi Cream Bread because it’s “an overload of sugar” and it can “potentially give you cavities or diabetes, whichever comes first”, so there's no way those sweets are for himself. Nagisa knows it can't be for him, either, considering how Rei is always getting on his case about eating “more nutritionally balanced meals”.

Haru shrugs dispassionately. “Maybe even Rei gets cravings sometimes.”

“Or was he buying them for someone else…?” Gou speculates. 

Nagisa’s heart drops to his gut. Who on earth would Rei-chan be buying sweets for, and why would he not tell Nagisa about them?

Still stuck with no clear conclusion, they head to Iwatobi SC Returns to ask Goro-chan for his opinion.

“Sounds like he's sick,” Goro-chan declares with his face pressed into his hands.

Panic seizes Nagisa’s heart. Sick? _Rei-chan?_ But Rei-chan knows so many medical theories—if he fell sick, he would just make his own medicine using all those medical books he has in his room, and then he would perform some breathing techniques or something to scare the germs away. Plus, if he's sick, he should know better than to show up at school. And he didn't _look_ sick when Nagisa saw him in class, so what gives?

Goro-chan whips his head up and shoots them a wink. “ _Lovesick,_ that is!”

The word doesn't immediately register in Nagisa’s mind. “L—lovesick?” he echoes.

Goro-chan nods sagely. “Rei must've gotten himself a girlfriend.”

The words ring like an explosion of thunder in Nagisa’s eardrums, so deafening he barely hears Gou’s scandalised gasp of “A _girlfriend?!_ ” 

Rei-chan… girlfriend…

Girlfriend… Rei-chan… 

But Rei-chan _can't_ have a girlfriend! He wouldn't… he's never shown any kind of interest in the girls in their class—or in Gou-chan, for that matter. In fact, Nagisa _would_ go so far as to claim Rei doesn't even have any interest in romance at all, if not for the way Rei smiled and petted his hair when he declared Rei-chan had to swim in the team's next relay. He’d never seen Rei smile like that—like it came from his heart, with pink dusting his cheekbones—and he thought… 

What _did_ Nagisa think? He honestly can't say, but it definitely had nothing to do with Rei-chan and a _girlfriend._

“There are two types of men!” Goro-chan carries on, oblivious to Nagisa’s distress. He raises a finger like a sage preacher. “Those strengthened by love, and those weakened by it.”

“Were you trying to imitate Ama-chan-sensei?” Makoto mutters, sounding exasperated, though not before shooting Nagisa a concerned look out of the corner of his eye.

“But Rei-kun is definitely the type to be weakened by love,” Gou speculates.

“What do we do? This is bad!” Nagisa cries out, now on the verge of panic. Rei-chan not only apparently has a girlfriend and _didn't tell Nagisa,_ but having one has made him weaker and maybe that's why he keeps avoiding Nagisa—because he can't handle his new romance or… or maybe because he doesn't _trust_ Nagisa with his feelings and he's not strong enough to handle it on his own so that's why he keeps disappearing and acting weirdly and _this is bad!_

“It is?” Haru asks, sounding genuinely bemused.

“Well, what if he gets so crazy about his girlfriend that he neglects club activities?” Makoto points out.

“ _Ehh?!_ ” Nagisa wails, so upset by that very idea he lurches straight up to his feet. 

Rei-chan won't leave the club—he _can't_ leave the club. He won’t be like Rin-chan and Haru-chan and Mako-chan all those years ago, walking away like they had never even been there in the first place—he _promised_ Nagisa he would stay and swim the relay with them, so why why _why?_

“Don't worry,” Gou declares with a wink. “Leave this all to me!”

It turns out that leaving issues to their trusty manager results in said trusty manager loaning half of the library’s stock on romance and love for Rei to read, only for Rei to declare in a series of hysterical cackles that “love is utterly, mindbogglingly illogical”. Nagisa has no idea what to make of _that_ as he crouches behind Haru and Makoto outside the classroom to eavesdrop. The only thing he’s aware of is the acute ache in his chest, like his heart is being forcibly prised open and then torn apart with each loud chortle from Rei.

Gou does not sound the least bit impressed. “Then why were you shopping for sweets on Sunday?”

Rei’s loud cackles morph into a startled yelp. “I—I just felt like eating cake once in a while! It is perfectly fine to indulge in sweets every once in a while, as long as everything is consumed in moderation!”

“Then where do you keep disappearing to every day?”

“It—it's just some minor business.”

“What sort of minor business, exactly?” Gou presses on.

“It is just some minor business, meaning insignificant, which is to say it is not the slightest bit beautiful at all and to the degree that I hesitate to utter its insubstantial nature here!” Rei rambles in one breath.

“Rei-kun…”

Wood scrapes roughly against the floor, and books crash to the ground like boulders tumbling off a mountain.

“Anyway I have some minor business that requires my urgent attention today as well please excuse me and have a wonderful evening!”

With that, Rei dashes out into the hallway, skids past Nagisa, Haru and Makoto’s rather obvious hiding spot and stumbles down the hallway. He doesn't even notice their presence.

* * *

Haru trudges into his room, nothing short of exhausted from eavesdropping on Gou and Rei, as well as peeved. Previously, he figured that even if Rei was acting oddly distant towards Nagisa, it was none of their business to go prying. Even if it’s damn near impossible to turn Nagisa down, _and_ Haru has noticed Rei is especially susceptible to Nagisa and his persuasive ways. Plus, it wasn't like Rei to be a no-show without explaining why—whenever he has to, he usually justifies it with some urgent family matters or an appointment with his optician.

Point is, Rei isn't a child; he can take care of himself. If he needs anything, he’d just inform the team, so Haru didn't think it was anything to worry about.

That is, until today. While Haru doesn't particularly care about Rei’s love life or lack thereof, the fact that Haru can still feel Nagisa's distress through the Bond like Nagisa is right beside him is enough of a cause for concern—because an upset Nagisa means that Haru's protective instincts have sharpened their claws and are ready to leap into battle.

Unsure of what he can do, though, he just flops on his bed. He rolls over on his side, where he spots the piece of paper that Rin had shoved in his hands after the joint practice. Rin didn't offer any further explanations aside from “It’s from your grandpa. It’s important. Read it.” There was an unspoken “or else” attached to the end of it, but Haru isn't intimidated by Rin—hence why the letter is still sitting on his desk, pristine and unopened. 

Annoyance flares through Haru, temporarily distracting him from Nagisa’s sadness. Why should he read the stupid thing, anyway? Sweden has nothing to do with him. He ought to throw it away. No, he ought to _burn_ it and use the fire to grill mackerel.

But the fact that it’s from his grandpa makes his hand falter. He hasn't seen the old man ever since his grandma’s funeral; Hayate didn't even return for New Year’s Eve last year, which he had always done prior to then. Perhaps the little boy in Haru still wants to cling to whatever there is to remind him of his grandpa. After all, the man had always been the more emotionally distant one between him and Chie. Perhaps that part of Haru just misses him, which scares him even more. Emotional investment in people has never meant anything good for him, and now he's paying the price with the friends he has made only to lose.

His grandpa left years ago, barely contacts him and doesn't even visit anymore. His grandma, the one who raised him and showed him more love than his parents were ever capable of, died when she left for Australia with no explanations whatsoever. Against his better judgement, he befriended Makoto, Nagisa and Rin, and now they have bombs stuck inside them because of that friendship. 

Rei is the only one untouched by GREAT, but now with his weird dodgy behaviour, he could be leaving too—and that, perhaps, is the real crux of the issue for Haru. Haru knows full well he has to leave, but if Rei really starts neglecting club activities, then that’d be as good as leaving Haru _first._

Haru’s hands start to shake against his will, and he curls himself up into a ball as if that would protect him from his fear. He can’t—he doesn't even have a year left, what with how time seems to speed up every day until the hours have begun to blur together. If Rei is the one to walk away first, that’d be like using a knife to gauge out Haru’s heart, raw and bleeding from wounds no blade could ever make.

Holy shit. If he feels this strongly about Rei potentially leaving the club, there is no way in hell he’s going to handle leaving Rin or Nagisa or, for the love of god, _Makoto_.

See? Emotional investment has never meant anything good for Haru.

He drifts into a fitful sleep, and even in his dreams no one hears his screams. 

* * *

“Ehh? A _boyfriend?!_ ” Nagisa cries out, sounding crossed between aghast and distressed. Haru eyes him out of the corner of his eye—overwhelming pain emanates from the yellow Bond. Normally, it’s so bright it verges on turning gold, but right now it’s muted, threatening to wither into brown should his pain get any worse.

Gou nods solemnly. “I saw him talking and laughing with a guy with fabulous forearm muscles—I mean! A third-year! ‘Cause he was wearing, like, a green tie!”

“A… boyfriend.” The only thing worse than Nagisa when his voice is so loud it nearly gives Haru a headache is when Nagisa’s voice shrinks into something tiny and fragile, like a thin wire about to tear apart if any more pressure gets placed on it.

Anger roars through the blue Bond before Haru can stop it. It’s one thing for Rei to go off and do his own thing, but it is _another thing entirely_ if he hurts Nagisa while doing so. If Rei bursts through the door right this moment with his apparent boyfriend all over him, Haru knows for a fact that his scales would rip right through to protect Nagisa. He wouldn't even notice the pain—Nagisa’s would drown it all out effortlessly.

“I don't think it's a boyfriend—he was probably just talking with a senpai he knew,” Makoto points out, dispelling some of Nagisa’s worry and Haru’s fury.

Haru frowns. The only senpai Rei should be on speaking terms with are himself and Makoto, unless…

As if the same idea has struck her, Gou gasps and drags them out to the field where the track team is gathered.

“Over there!” she cries out, pointing accusingly at some guy dressed in a blue tank top and sports glasses. “That's him! The guy with the forearms!”

“I'm pretty sure that's the captain of the track team,” Makoto says. 

Haru vaguely recognises that guy. He’s in the class next door, and sometimes they have PE classes together. So he's the captain of the track team, huh.

Wait. Rei was talking to that guy.

“Could Rei be planning to…?” Haru trails off. He doesn't to complete it in case doing so makes it come true.

“Maybe running in the inter-club relay reminded him of his track days,” Makoto speculates with a frown.

“You think he wants go back?!” Gou demands.

“You mean he's going to quit the swim club?” Nagisa cries out, latching on to Makoto’s arm for comfort. Haru doesn't even need the Bond; he can tell how much pain Nagisa is in through his shrill cry alone. “No, no, he can't! I wouldn't be able to stand it if he did!”

“I know,” Makoto says, both reassuring and firm at the same time.

“Huh, Mako-chan?” Nagisa’s voice trembles on the last syllable.

Steely resolve solidifies in the green Bond. “I absolutely won't allow him to do that.”

And neither will Haru. He will personally freeze hell over if anything in the world makes Nagisa sound so anguished ever again.

* * *

Like the stern no-nonsense captain he is, Makoto cancels practice to hold an emergency meeting at Haru’s house, coercing Rei into attending with the use of his superior rank.

The moment they actually arrive at Haru’s home, though, no one is able to look at Rei. Nagisa refuses to glance at him, still feeling stung about _girlfriend, boyfriend_ , _leaving us for the track team_ and _Rei-chan didn't tell me anything,_ so instead he scowls at the bit of peeling paint on the wall behind Makoto’s head. Gou glares at the tatami mat beside her, Haru’s stare could burn holes into the table, and Makoto has his arms folded and eyes shut like he's preparing the tongue-lashing of the year to unleash on Rei.

“So… what exactly is the emergency?” Rei asks.

Makoto flinches, a complete turnaround from his previous strict captain shtick. “Eh? Um, well,” he hedges, looking to Haru for help. “What _was_ it again?” 

Haru turns his head away. “Don't pass it off on to me. This was your idea.”

“We—we’re…” Gou stutters, pressing a finger to her forehead as if to jolt her memory. “Well, we’re going to—taste-test! We’re going to taste-test Haruka-senpai’s new mackerel recipe!” If she notices Haru’s glare, she ignores it.

“That's not an emergency at all,” Nagisa says, aghast. They're all _horrible_ liars. “Gou-chan, don't you have any other ideas for our emergency meeting?”

“Well, then. If there is no emergency, I do have an errand to attend to, so.” Rei lifts his backpack off the floor and gets to his feet.

Everyone starts shouting gibberish excuses to get Rei to stay, except for Nagisa. All he can do is sit there, frozen. It’s not like the rest of the world is frozen too. In fact, it’s the complete opposite: everything else is moving, moving too fast, and Nagisa gets the feeling that if he doesn't act _now_ then he’ll be stuck watching someone who has come to be a huge, irreplaceable part of his life leave him, taking a chunk of Nagisa along with him. 

He lurches forward and doesn't just grab but _clings_ to Rei’s leg, as if that is enough to convince him to stay. 

_Please don't leave me, Rei-chan, please don't leave me like the others did._

“Nagisa-kun?”

“Don't quit the swim club!” Nagisa cries, his eyes stinging as he forces the words out of his frozen throat.

“Huh?!” Rei exclaims.

“You can't hide it from us,” Nagisa says, his voice trembling. He stands up to face Rei—maybe, if he's closer to him, he can convince him to stay. “Rei-chan, you… you wanna go back to the track team, don't you? I don't…” He clenches his fists, and he lifts his head to meet Rei’s eyes head-on. “I don't want that! Rei-chan has to stay!”

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei whispers.

“He's right, Rei,” Makoto adds firmly, clambering to his feet. “We’re a team. I won't allow you to just leave us like this, especially without consulting us first.” 

“As the team manager, I can't condone this, either,” Gou chimes in.

“Rei,” Haru says quietly from the back of the group. Unlike the steely firmness in Makoto and Gou’s voices, he sounds as fragile as Nagisa. “It was because of what you did that both Rin and I—we’re okay now. Don't say you're quitting. You had already given up your spot at the regionals’ relay last year, and now you want to give up on the team altogether too? Weren't you the one who said the four of us were going to swim a relay together at nationals?”

“Haruka-senpai… I—”

“Haru-chan is right!” Nagisa shouts. He seizes the front of Rei’s shirt, wrinkles spreading across the soft cotton from his fists. His face gets hotter and hotter the longer he looks at Rei’s stunned expression, so instead he lowers his head and stares at the dots on Rei’s tie instead. “We all promised, didn't we? _You_ promised, didn't you? You promised we’d swim a relay with Haru-chan and Mako-chan and make it the best relay ever! And you said you'd show us your beautiful butterfly stroke at nationals!”

A gasp warms the air above his head, followed by a hand landing on his shoulder.

“Wait a second,” Rei says. 

Hesitantly, Nagisa looks up. Rei returns the look with a slightly exasperated but mostly soft smile. His hand remains on Nagisa’s shoulder, like a reassurance to say _I'm here, and I’ll stay right here with you._

“What are all of you talking about?” Rei asks, sounding equal parts amused and bemused. His other hand lands on Nagisa’s hair, rubbing it in gentle circles. “I have no intention of quitting the swim club, so you have nothing to worry about.” 

Nagisa stares at him through his bangs, not daring to believe his ears. “But… but you were talking with the captain of the track team.”

“I mean, he did ask if I would like to return to the team, but that was really all that happened. And…” Rei lowers his eyes. Small patches of pink bloom to life in his cheeks. “There is no plausible way I would ever quit the swim club!”

Those words hang in the air for several heartbeats, which Nagisa uses to glance at the others to confirm that yes, they heard it too. And when it finally sinks in— _Rei-chan is not leaving, Rei-chan is not going anywhere!_ —all of them slump back down on their cushions in relief. Nagisa himself feels like a boulder has been lifted off his chest. He could almost cry from the sudden release of tension and worry. Rei regards them with a fond smile before checking his watch and clearing his throat. 

“And now that we've successfully resolved the misunderstanding, I have an errand to run so I shall take my leave now! Have a pleasant afternoon!”

And just like that, Rei saunters out of Haru’s house, impervious to everyone else's flabbergasted stares.

* * *

Rei is proud to announce that his final practice session with Rin is a glowing success. Now, he can execute a near-perfect front crawl, breaststroke and backstroke without sinking at all, thanks to Rin’s help. More than anything else, Rei is relieved that his last-ditch attempt to learn how to swim the other strokes has paid off so well. Rin, for lack of a better word, just _gets_ Rei in a way the others don't. They speak the same language of theories and techniques, and it’s because of this commonality in their approach to swimming that Rei is finally able to unlock the secret behind staying afloat in water. 

After Rin gives Rei some final pieces of advice, they clamber out of the pool and head to the changing rooms to dry off. Comfortable silence hangs between them as Rei runs his butterfly-patterned towel (a lovely birthday gift from Haruka—he sewed it himself, apparently) through his damp hair. 

Or at least, it is to Rei, until he glances out of the corner of his eye at Rin and notices the pensive frown on his face. His shark-patterned towel (also a gift from Haruka for his birthday) is draped over his hair, abandoned for whatever is on his mind.

“Rin-san?” Rei calls hesitantly. “Is something the matter?”

Rin flinches so badly his towel nearly falls off his head. “Ah, sorry. I was just thinking. I realised I never actually told you what I wanted your help with. Remember the night before regionals last year? I called you to meet me by the bay and I told you about—well, this.” He bares his teeth and points to them.

Rei nods. For the first few days after the relay, he was dying of curiosity to know what the issue was, but he could never find the right time to ask Rin about it. However, reality after the relay returned in full force with homework and family obligations and Nagisa inviting himself over to Rei’s home for multiple impromptu study sessions, and all that talk about superpowers subsequently vanished from his mind. Now that Rin has brought it up again, though, Rei has to admit his curiosity is once again piqued.

“Thing is…” Rin says slowly. He sinks down on a bench, resting his elbows on his lap and burying his face in his hands. “The truth of the matter is that Haru—he’s not free. Not really.”

Rei’s brows furrow. “Free? I thought you said the organisation is either dead or had been chased out of the country.”

“Yeah, but there's a catch—there’s always a fucking catch. Rei.” Rin looks up, and the intensity like a volcano eruption in his gaze makes Rei tense. “Don't freak out, okay? What I'm about to tell you—it’s gonna be upsetting, but don't freak out.”

Rei nods silently. He braces himself for the worst, steadying himself with a hand on a locker.

“Long story short, GREAT is still out there—multi-national illegal organisation and whatnot—and they're threatening Haru. They planted bombs in me, Makoto and Nagisa. If he doesn't comply with their wishes to join them after graduation, one push of a button and they'll blow us up.”

Rei is glad he has a hand on the locker, because his knees are just about to give way under him. “What?” he rasps, his voice shaking with… with… he doesn't know. Fear? Despair? Rage? A sickening mix of all three that makes him feel like he's going to puke where he stands?

“Yeah. Fucked up, I know," Rin agrees. "I had a plan to free Haru—it involved making him hate me and destroying the Bond, ‘cause I figured that if he didn't care about me then GREAT couldn't use my life against him. I know, I know, don't give me that look; Haru already called me out on what a shitty plan that was, like, a million times.”

“Good,” Rei says with a ferocity that surprises himself. “Haruka-senpai would never—he’s too kind for that to ever happen.”

“Don't I know it,” Rin replies dryly. “So yeah, that's what I initially wanted to ask for your help with—finding a way to break the Bond. Gou told me you're smart. You can do whatever you set your mind to once you know the theories to them, that's what she told me, so I thought your opinion might be worth listening to. Of course, that plan’s a no-go now ‘cause Haru insisted it was impossible—the power of love and all that sappy shit. But now I'm stuck for ideas, and time is flying by so quickly and I just—fuck, I really don't know what to do.”

Rei cups his chin as he leans back against the lockers, thinking. “If it’s the bombs that are forcing Haruka-senpai to go along with GREAT’s wishes, then the most logical course of action would be to remove them, right?”

What Rei is expecting: a nod of assent, or maybe Rin pointing out that he already tried it and it failed or it’s impossible or what-have-you.

What Rei is _not_ expecting: Rin’s jaw slackening and his eyes going wide, and he just _stares_ at Rei like he's just made a groundbreaking discovery.

“Rin-san,” Rei says carefully, “you _did_ consider removing the bombs, didn't you?”

Rin rubs his face with his hands. “I mean. It makes sense, but I never really _considered_ it—like, seriously—because I had no clue where exactly the bombs are or how to remove them without accidentally setting them off.”

“But let’s say you were to find out both of those things, perhaps through clever hacking or having someone infiltrate their base to obtain this information,” Rei persists, feeling somewhat bewildered that he's talking about hacking and infiltrating a massive underground organisation like it’s the most normal thing in his world now, “you would be able to safely remove the bombs and therefore free Haruka-senpai.”

“Well, the files must be, like, really fucking classified if the old man and I still haven't discovered them after all these years, but it’s worth a shot. With Haru's future on the line, there is nothing worse to lose. Rei, you're a goddamn genius. Nagisa better hold on to you.”

Rei isn't sure if what he suggested is anything quite so remarkable or why it's a reason why Nagisa should hold on to him. “Uh, you're welcome?”

“One more thing, Rei,” Rin adds. “If Haru asks, don't tell him about this. I mean, you can tell him you've been training with me, but don't tell him that I told you all this just yet, alright? I want to have a full-fledged plan before I tell him anything. Plus, well, I don't need him to close up even more if he knows I got you involved—he’s already hard enough to reach out to as he is right now. But if he, like, _really_ pressures you, tell him I bullied you into helping me. I’ll take full responsibility.”

Rei shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I don't wish to put unnecessary blame on you, though. I was the one who wanted to be in the loop, after all.”

Rin waves a dismissive hand. “It’s fine. I can deal with Haru’s moods. Also…” His voice takes a somber turn. He peers up at Rei, a look of apology framed with red locks of hair. “You don't have to go through with any of this if you don't want to. I get that this is crazy dangerous, so if you ever want out—”

“Thank you for your kind offer, but I wish to remain involved. Haruka-senpai is a very important teammate to me, and I would like him to be free. It would be an absolute insult to his character—no, to humanity as a whole—if he is not free, if he is to be used like a weapon when he's so much more than that. Furthermore,” Rei adds, the cadence of his voice rising with strength, “this does not merely concern him—this concerns Nagisa-kun, Makoto-senpai and you, Rin-san. All of you are important to me. If there is anything I can do to contribute to this fight, I want to do it.”

Rin’s smile, though still tinged with ruefulness, is warm. “You're a good guy, Rei. I'm glad those guys have someone like you on their team.

"Now," he says, his voice turning brisk, "here's what you can do once I get more info."

Rei nods, listening attentively. 

* * *

Even though Haru and the others spoiled the surprise for themselves when they had surreptitiously followed Rei to Samezuka without him realising it last night, Rei still dazzles all of them with his newly-learned swimming stroke the next day at practice. When he shifts into freestyle, Haru could just about burst with pride. The water is finally accepting Rei, letting him enter its space and gently pulling him along like a friend who wants to get to know him better. For someone who was rejected at every entry point just a year ago, this is nothing short of astounding. 

"You're doing incredible, Rei!" Makoto calls encouragingly. 

“That's amazing, Rei-chan!” Nagisa gasps. The yellow Bond sings with admiration at the top of its lungs. “You've learned how to swim all the strokes!”

“This isn't good enough, you guys,” Gou hisses. “We need to act more surprised!”

Resolve floods through the Bond, determined to make Rei feel validated. Just because they spoiled it for themselves doesn't mean Rei deserves at least some bit of surprise for all his hard work.

“Whoa! How can this be?!” Nagisa demands, sounding like he's reading from a script he has never seen before while blindfolded.

“When did he learn how to swim like that?!” Makoto chimes in. He wouldn't be able to convince even the most gullible of toddlers that he's surprised.

“What's going on here?” Haru adds for good measure. He thinks his performance is, at least, acceptable.

Gou looks like she wants to strangle them with the pool flags. “You guys are hopeless…”

“Maybe we should just tell him the truth,” Nagisa suggests while Rei is halfway through a lap of breaststroke. 

“No way—he’d feel so bad if he knew his surprise was ruined,” Makoto points out with an air of finality.

Rei resurfaces at the fifty-meter mark, positively glowing with pride, though there is a hint of nervousness in the tension in his shoulders. “What do you think, everyone? About my swimming? Honestly,” he says, planting his hands on his hips, “you can't help but be blown away, can you? _GYA-HA-HA-HA!_ ”

“Rei,” Haru calls, offering a smile. “You've worked really hard.”

After all, it truly is astounding, how he went from sinking like the world’s densest rock in the pool to not only being able to maintain his buoyancy in water, but also to actually _swim_ the other strokes. Haru doesn't know what it’s like to not be able to swim the way he wants, so he can scarcely imagine how tirelessly Rei must have been working to reach this stage.

Rei’s eyes widen before reddening like his cheeks. Haru is still surprised when people react so emotionally when he is simply speaking what he thinks is the truth, but he could never not be happy when Rei is beaming so brightly. 

“Thank you, Haruka-senpai!” Rei choruses, his voice thick with emotion.

Even so, the _other_ implications of Rei secretly meeting with Rin for over two weeks continue nagging at Haru, try as he might to focus on Rei’s success. Thus, after practice, he asks Rei to stay with him in the pool after Makoto, Nagisa and Gou disappear into the club room.

“What's the matter, Haruka-senpai? Is it about my freestyle?” Rei asks worriedly.

Haru shakes his head. “No, your freestyle’s good. The water accepts you. I’m glad. But Rei, you were training with Rin, weren't you?”

Rei’s smile falters. “I mean, yes, but how did you know? Did you see us?”

“There's no one else you could've been practising with. But when you were training with Rin, did he ask you to do anything weird? Or… dangerous?”

Rei recoils ever so slightly—if Haru’s eyesight wasn't what it is, he wouldn't have caught it. However, Rei recovers just as quickly and plasters on a taut smile. “Not at all, Haruka-senpai! Our meetings were strictly about swimming. There is nothing more to it, so please do not worry.”

Haru examines Rei’s expression for any crack in it or for any vibe to tip him off to a lie. He wishes Rei were part of a Bond too, if only to tell if he's lying or just shocked by the random question. For a moment, he debates interrogating Rei further, since this concerns Rei’s well-being—but, perhaps against his better judgement, he decides to let it go.

“Rei,” Haru says. “If Rin asks you to do anything weird or dangerous or just _anything_ you're uncomfortable with, you don't have to agree. You're free to make your own decisions.”

Rei nods, his smile looking far more genuine now. “Thank you for having my best interests at heart, Haruka-senpai!”

If only that were enough to keep all of them safe.

* * *

Rei doesn't know what it says about his life that he now expects Nagisa to show up at his doorstep unannounced every Sunday in some ridiculous outfit to make his eyes bleed to high heavens. 

However, things have been—to borrow a word from Nagisa’s admittedly less refined vocabulary— _weird_ between them lately. Although Nagisa still pesters him about trying the new Iwatobi Cream Bread: Sakura Edition and steals his notebooks to doodle tiny penguins in the margins, things are not the same anymore. He is no longer as touchy as he usually is. The normal Nagisa is always finding some way to be in contact with Rei, be it leaping on his back in an impromptu piggyback or head-nuzzling Rei when he wants his way. In fact, there now seems to be a deliberate gap between them on the train, on the way to the roof for lunch or by the pool during practice, and Rei doesn't know if there is a word to describe the sinking feeling in his chest whenever Nagisa not-so inconspicuously scoots away from him.

Things have been so peculiar that when Nagisa is approaching thirty minutes late for their unscheduled study session today, Rei starts to think he won't show up after all. What a shame; he has even prepared the butterfly onesie in case Nagisa was wearing his penguin one too. It has taken Rei a while before finally becoming accustomed to the ridiculous outfit, and dare he say he has even become rather fond of it.

When the doorbell rings, Rei leaps up from his sofa and all but dashes to the door to answer it. He flings the door open, and a relieved laugh escapes him when he finds Nagisa standing before him.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei says with a fond tut. “While it is not unusual for you to be tardy, being approximately twenty-seven minutes late is a new record for you.”

Unusually, Nagisa does not meet his eyes. Instead of the penguin onesie like Rei was hoping he'd be wearing, he is dressed in a pastel yellow T-shirt with Iwatobi-chan emblazoned on it and khaki shorts—it is an oddly sensible choice of outfit for him. He doesn't even have a bag with him. He crosses his empty hands behind his back, and his eyes are everywhere but on Rei.

Rei’s previously elated heart starts to descend to his gut. “Nagisa-kun, is something the matter?”

Nagisa chews on his lower lip, as if he's hesitating. This is when Rei realises something is off, because the Nagisa he knows _never_ hesitates—he doesn't have any sense of caution in the world for that, or so Rei thinks.

“Nagisa-kun—”

“Reichanisittrueyou’llneverfallinlove?” Nagisa demands in one breath.

Rei blinks once, twice. “I beg your pardon?”

Nagisa’s lip trembles like he's on the verge of bursting into tears. Still, he slows down by a fraction for Rei. “Rei-chan, is it true you'll never fall in love?”

“Wh—where did you hear that from, Nagisa-kun?” Rei stammers, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of his gut. Is that what this is about? _Love?_ But why would Nagisa suddenly be so worked up about this? He has never shown any interest in Rei’s love life before.

“I… I overheard your conversation with Gou-chan the other day. You said love is illogical and that you'll never ever fall in love. Like, ever.”

Heat crawls up Rei’s neck as he recalls the rather mortifying conversation he had with his manager. “Well, it _is_ true that love is illogical!” he exclaims defensively, though what exactly he's trying to defend, he is uncertain. “According to evolutionary psychologists, human beings engage in sexual intercourse for reproduction purposes to prevent the human race from becoming extinct. Of course, a male and a female participating in sexual intercourse doesn't necessarily or always equate to _love,_ per se, as I am positive you’re cognizant of. Not everyone who engages in sexual intercourse loves each other, and not everyone who loves each other has to be a man and a woman—or even a pair, for that matter. 

"The best explanation for love that scientists have been able to come up with is that our brains produce hormones, such as dopamine and oxytocin, when we experience this ‘falling in love’ phenomenon. However, nothing truly explains _why!_ Humans are social creatures, so we desire social connections and, by extension, love. But _why?_ It’s not like our need for food or oxygen, where we would literally die without them. It’s like… it’s like humans were _made_ specially to love, yet there is no logical reason why! Don't you see why love makes absolutely no sense?”

Nagisa’s jaw is tense like he doesn't understand half of what Rei just said but he is going to argue anyway. However, instead of his usual shrill exclamation, all that comes out is a fragile whisper. “So Rei-chan will never fall in love.”

“That—that's…” 

Given his previous argument, the logical follow-up would be to agree that yes, Rei will indeed never fall in love. He is a man that operates on facts and logic, and the fact of the matter is that there is no ounce of logic when it comes to love.

But if there is someone who defies all that…

“Nagisa-kun is completely illogical.”

“Eh?” Nagisa cries out. His head snaps up to stare at Rei, clearly wounded. “Why are you attacking _me_ now? What did I ever do to Rei-chan?”

“Because you don't make a single bit of sense!” And with that one confession, everything else comes flooding out of Rei like water that has been kept pent-up behind a dam for far too long. “You constantly fill yourself with sweets and nutritional garbage, yet you are as healthy as an ox. You act like a complete airhead all the time, yet you possess the unnerving ability to read people like they're an open book. You always seem to speak whatever is on your mind with no regard as to how it may affect others, but somehow it’s also exactly what they need to hear. This will never plausibly happen, but I get the feeling that somehow just your smile would be able to light up this entire prefecture if you wanted it to. 

"Most of all, you don't follow any rules or theories, yet you coast through life like it’s the easiest thing in the world, _and_ you radically change the lives of everyone else around you. I had my life planned out down to the very last detail last year—and what did _you_ do, Nagisa-kun? You blasted through it, turned it all upside-down and swept me right off my feet! _No one_ has done that before. Do you understand just how _illogical_ that is?!”

Rei has no idea where that impassioned tangent came from—there was no way he could have something of _that_ magnitude planned—and it leaves him panting harder than swimming a hundred meters of butterfly does.

Nagisa continues gaping up at him. “Rei-chan, you— _you’re_ the one who isn't making any sense!”

Rei nearly grinds his teeth in frustration. “How are you still not getting it, Nagisa-kun? You don't make any sense and neither does love, so logically both would go right together!”

Silence. For the first time in the past year Rei has known him, Nagisa doesn't have anything to say. His mouth opens, closes, and opens again but no words leave him. His hands reach out, as if to touch Rei. Rei is about to shift closer when Nagisa abruptly retracts them, like he's been scalded by the air shifting between their bodies. The action alone stings Rei.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa stammers, finally finding his voice, “is… is this a love confession?”

Rei’s bravado leaks out of him, replaced by burning embarrassment. “I—I guess you could call it that," he mutters. "I really… _really_ hold you in high regard, Nagisa-kun. As in, more than an ordinary friend would. More than any theory in the world can explain. As I, uh, demonstrated just now in my rather passionate rant.”

“So… there was never a boyfriend or a girlfriend?”

“Boyfriend? _Girlfriend?!_ ” Rei screeches, aghast. Good heavens, just how _bad_ did the misunderstanding become? “Who on earth would insinuate such a thing?”

“Goro-chan said you—he said you were lovesick, so that’s why you were acting, like, _really weird,_ ” Nagisa babbles in a stuttering stream. “And—and then! Gou-chan saw you talking to the track captain guy. And she—she thought he was your boyfriend. That's why _you_ don't make any sense, Rei-chan!”

Rei watches Nagisa fumble with his hands and words as he forces the words into somewhat coherent—if awkward and stilted—sentences, and he can't help it. The first peal of laughter takes him by surprise, but he can't stop. His sides and cheekbones ache. Tears of mirth stream down his face. 

In front of him, Nagisa folds his arms with a huff in an attempt to look angry, but it’s such a contrast to his cute face, cute hair and cute eyes that Rei explodes in another fit of laughter.

“Rei-chan, I don't know what's going on but you're being mean,” Nagisa pouts. His lower lip wobbles again, and that sobers Rei up quickly.

“Nagisa-kun, I have never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend,” he says once his voice has steadied. “And I most certainly am not dating my former senpai.”

"What about the sweets? Gou-chan saw you buying sweets at the mall last Sunday. You don't eat sweets, so who were they for?" 

"Rin-san. He was the one who taught me how to swim the other strokes, so I baked him cookies with his nutritional needs in mind as a token of my appreciation."

Nagisa's mouth forms a small 'o’. He blinks rapidly, as if to ground himself. "Oh. Just Rin-chan."

"Yes, just Rin-san," Rei confirms. 

There is a coy undertone to Nagisa’s voice when he asks, “So there was never anybody else?”

A soft smile spreads across Rei's face. He reaches out and brushes a stray lock of hair out of Nagisa's face. “There never _could_ be anybody else, Nagisa-kun.” 

And with those simple words, Nagisa’s eyes go wide like Rei has just announced there’s been an _iwatobi_ penguin constellation hidden among the stars all this time. Perhaps there are stars undiscovered in those eyes too.

“I… I like Rei-chan too!” he declares. “It’s the same for me—there could never be anybody else who's not Rei-chan. Because… because only Rei-chan is Rei-chan!”

Rei stares at him in disbelief, though in sharp contrast, his heart swells with emotions too numerous to count and too entangled to neatly compartmentalise each and every one of them. “What kind of confession is that?” he manages to demand, still lost in a haze of overwhelming, heady emotion. 

“But it’s true! That’s how I feel! If you weren't Rei-chan, I wouldn't have liked you. But it’s _because_ you're Rei-chan that I… I…” Nagisa’s hands clench into little adorable fists, and the feeling in Rei’s chest triples in size.

He wants to—no, he _needs_ to be close to Nagisa in a way he has never even thought of being close to anyone else. He needs to know how Nagisa would fit in his arms, and whether kissing him would be like tasting sunshine. 

“If that is the case, then…” Rei swallows, his stomach twisting up in messy knots. Would it be clichéd to say he has butterflies fluttering around aforementioned knots? Because that’s exactly what is going on in him—swooping, soaring, hurtling through Nagisa’s sky. “Nagisa-kun, will you permit me to kiss you?”

He is expecting Nagisa to just pounce on him with a gigantic smooch, the same way he leaps on Rei’s back and demands piggyback rides even though he's perfectly capable of walking on his own. 

Instead, Rei is taken aback when Nagisa suddenly refuses to meet his eyes. He shuffles under Rei’s stare, colour rising in his face. A barely audible “yes” escapes him in one of the smallest voices Rei has ever heard from him, second only to the time he begged Rei not to leave the swim club.

Rei shifts closer. His breath leaves his nose in shaky exhalations; the very air seems to quiver around them. “On the mouth? Is that permissible?” he whispers. 

The colour settles into rosy pink across Nagisa’s cheekbones. He just nods with a sort of helpless desperation. 

Having obtained consent, Rei leans down—struck by the difference in their heights—and his eyes flutter shut. He tilts his head, too wrapped up in being in Nagisa’s space to even think of calculating the optimal angle for their first kiss. Drawing in a shaky breath, he presses his lips against Nagisa’s. 

For the split second or longest stretch of eternity that his mouth lingers against Nagisa’s, he savours the feeling. Nagisa's lips are soft—incredibly soft. It tastes like strawberries and cream, cluing Rei in on what Nagisa must have eaten earlier. The air around him carries a faint aroma of oranges. It’s sweet, lovely, and absolutely Nagisa-like.

However, the awkwardness of this being his first time soon catches up to Rei, abruptly dispersing the moment. Rei pulls away and rises back up to his full height. Only then does he open his eyes, and—

Nagisa is as red as a freshly boiled lobster from the roots of his hair down to his collarbones. His eyes are blown wide, and his lips are still parted, as if to either ask Rei to never kiss him again or to beg him to cover them once more.

“Are you okay, Nagisa-kun?” Rei breathes out. He feels as red as Nagisa looks.

Nagisa nods, wearing a dazed expression like he's tipsy from their kiss. All that comes out is a tiny squeak of “yes”.

This doesn't convince Rei. If anything, it worries him. “I am uncertain of that. You are behaving rather out of character for yourself, so—”

With a sound that is a bizarre cross between a cry, a whine and a growl, Nagisa yanks Rei down by the front of his shirt and smashes their lips together again. This time, Nagisa’s mouth works with a fury against Rei's, kissing and sucking at every bit of Rei's lips like he's terrified this will be their last kiss. Rei’s hands find Nagisa’s face, and he holds on tight to the one tether he has to reality, lest he gets lost in the whirlwind known as Hazuki Nagisa.

When Nagisa pulls away for air, Rei feels like the world has been swept out from under his feet and flipped right over, leaving him at Nagisa’s mercy. 

“Now, that's more like the Nagisa-kun I know,” he says faintly.

The bright red flush spreads to Nagisa’s ears too. “Was that okay, Rei-chan?”

Rei’s hands tug Nagisa closer. He’s so small compared to Rei that he seems to be completely swallowed up in Rei’s arms. His face buries in Rei’s chest, as if to hide his embarrassment, and Rei leans down to press his mouth to the soft blond tufts nestled on Nagisa’s head. 

“That was beautiful, Nagisa-kun," he murmurs into Nagisa's hair which smells like oranges. "In fact, if… if you would like to come inside and—continue. If you'd like that, I—I wouldn't say no. There's no one else inside. Just—it could just be us, if you want that.” 

Nagisa peeks up at Rei through his bangs. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Nagisa’s giggle reverberates through Rei’s body, and before he realises it, Nagisa has invited himself into Rei’s home and yanked Rei inside. Rei doesn't even have it in him to sigh at Nagisa’s stubborn lack of propriety; he's still giddy from their kisses. 

The moment the door is kicked shut behind them, though, Rei has Nagisa backed up against a wall, their lips pressed together again—and let’s just say neither of them gets any studying done that Sunday afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this, please leave a kudos and comment if you can! thanks for reading <3


	16. wish i could be every little thing you wanted (all the time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “More importantly, though,” Sousuke says, and his tone takes a sudden swerve into more severe territory, “why didn't you contact me during these past five years? Did something happen in Australia?”
> 
> Rin flinches and nearly drops the can. With that one word, the world jerks violently, and the clear blue sky overhead and green leaves dotting the camphor trees around them vanish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man this one took a while to edit. i was (still am) pretty swamped with schoolwork and personal issues, so chapters may take longer than usual to be edited and uploaded. thanks for the understanding :') 
> 
> this one is for the sourin stans. i hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> the chapter title is from ['every little thing' by dishwalla](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLgCLPPL_qI).

Aiichirou will miss having Rin-senpai as his roommate. Rin-senpai was helpful, organised and—most of all—he minded his own business.

With the eternally energetic Mikoshiba Momotarou as his new roommate, Aiichirou knows that any semblance of privacy has been tossed straight out of the window. The boy is loud and excitable, and for some bizarre reason he keeps _stag beetles_ the way one might keep a cute little kitten or puppy or hamster as a pet. If Aiichirou were anything like Rin-senpai, he would've threatened to flush the beetles down the toilet if he catches even one of them anywhere near his bed. As it is, however, he is Aiichirou and not Rin-senpai, so he settles for a muttered plea of “Please don't let them out anywhere near me”. Luckily for him, Momo has enthusiastically consented to his terms. He’s probably just relieved he's allowed to keep his weird pets in the dorm (if the thought even crossed his mind, that is).

Now having helped Momo settle in, it’s time to head for practice.

Or so he thinks, but it turns out that Momo has his own reservations.

“Pyunsuke will be alright, right, Nitori-senpai?” Momo peppers Aiichirou with questions all the way out into the hallway. “Pyunsuke has a specific schedule, you see. Usually around this time, he's supposed to go for his morning walk, but with practice—”

“I—I’m sure, um, Pyunsuke will be fine, Momo-kun,” Aiichirou says, trying for a placating tone. “A little change in schedule won't hurt anyone.” But Momo’s pout refuses to lift from his face, so Aiichirou hastily adds, “If you listen to Rin-senpai during training and do your best, practice will be over quicker than you know it, then you can take Pyunsuke for his walk.”

That seems to do the trick. 

“Yahoo!” Momo cheers. In his delight, he bounds down the rest of the hallway like an overly-excited monkey. “I'm gonna do my best during practice, then I'm gonna _zoom_ right back for my dearest Pyunsuke then we’ll have our walk and I’ll feed Pyunsuke some— _OOMPH!_ ”

“Oi, watch where you're going,” Rin-senpai’s irascible tone snaps like a whip from the other end of the hallway. 

With a shake of his head, Aiichirou hastens to catch up in case he needs to prevent an untimely death of his roommate as well as incarceration for his senpai. His Team Samezuka jacket flaps behind him as he dashes down the hallway. He finds Momo at the other end of the hallway, caught in Rin-senpai’s signature chokehold that promises certain death, and Yamazaki beside them looking amused.

“A—ah, I'm sorry about him, Rin-senpai!” Aiichirou dips down in a perfect perpendicular bow. “You know what Momo-kun can be like.”

“It’s not your fault,” Rin-senpai sighs. He releases Momo from his death grip and fixes him with a scowl. “What the hell were you doing, running down the corridor like that like an idiot? You could get hurt, and I'm not gonna coddle anyone who gets hurt because of their own stupidity. Is that clear?”

(Out of the corner of his eye, Aiichirou swears he spots Yamazaki recoil ever so slightly, but Yamazaki is built as tall and massive as an oak tree so it is hard to tell.)

Momo holds his arms up in defense, as if afraid Rin-senpai is going to strangle him again. “Y—yes, Rin-senpai.”

In an attempt to defuse the tension, Aiichirou steps in front of Momo and cheerily asks, “Rin-senpai, Yamazaki-senpai, how was your move-in?”

“Would've been great if I got the bottom,” Yamazaki mutters, and Aiichirou’s eyebrows hike upwards.

“I won that fair and square, suck on it,” Rin-senpai snorts.

Yamazaki makes a face like he's about to be sick. “Uh, no thanks. Don't proposition me, Rin.”

Aiichirou’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline. All this talk about bottoms and sucking reminds him rather much of the stuff he's read in his gay porno magazines. His gaze swings between them like a pendulum, and he blinks a few times before gasping and slapping his burning face. Bunk beds. They're talking about bunk beds. Every dorm has bunk beds, so they probably just had a quarrel over who got which bunk.

Rin-senpai turns to him, his eyebrows furrowed in both confusion and concern. “What's wrong, Ai?”

Aiichirou squeaks and ducks his head in shame. “No, nothing—nothing’s the matter. Anyway, how did Rin-senpai and Yamazaki-senpai, um, settle who would get to bottom? Uh, the bottom bunk. Who would get the bottom bunk.”

A lazy smirk flits across Rin-senpai’s face. “The ultimate throwdown—rock-paper-scissors.”

Yamazaki rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just let you win, Rin. Ever thought of that?”

“Ha, as if you don't take our throwdowns at _least_ as seriously as I do.”

“You're right,” Yamazaki concedes with a deep laugh. “If I let you win then I wouldn't be taking you seriously, would I?”

Aiichirou watches their back-and-forth banter, and he realises this is the most at ease he's ever seen Rin-senpai, a stark contrast to the cold lone shark he was last year. Sure, during the months after the regional tournament and prior to Yamazaki’s transfer, Rin-senpai had softened around his previously jagged edges and became much warmer to everyone, especially to Aiichirou. He even tutored Aiichirou the night before his English exam without Aiichirou even asking him (he didn't want to bother Rin-senpai who also had exams coming up, but Rin-senpai volunteering to help him sent him soaring over the moon).

But with Yamazaki, Rin-senpai seems even softer—more youthful, somehow—with gleaming eyes, wide smirks and cheeks the same shade as the cherry blossoms he loves so dearly. Aiichirou wonders if Rin-senpai himself realises how much happier he looks in the company of Yamazaki.

As for Yamazaki… Well, Aiichirou doesn't know him as well, since he did only transfer to Samezuka a few weeks ago. Initially, his coldness reminded Aiichirou—strangely—of Nanase-san from Iwatobi, except he's far more intimidating than Rin-senpai’s other longtime rival; while Aiichirou doesn't suspect Nanase-san would actually hurt a fly—at least, not without extremely good reason—Yamazaki looks like he can and will fight an entire army on his own to protect Rin-senpai.

Yes, for Rin-senpai _specifically._ Though Yamazaki is still an uncharted jungle that could be hiding the most vicious tigers and wolves unknown to mankind, Aiichirou has not missed the ways those strict teal eyes grow tender when Rin-senpai comes into view; the way his broad, looming stature seems to come off less like he's actively trying to intimidate lesser life forms into either submitting to him or fleeing, and more like he wants to use his massive physique to protect those around him. And last, but not least, there's that the very specific way he looks at Rin-senpai and _only_ Rin-senpai when he isn't looking.

Yamazaki’s curt call of “Nitori” startles Aiichirou out of his musing. Belatedly, he realises the rest of them have already started making their way to the pool, so he quickens his pace to catch up with them, only slowing down once Yamazaki’s broad shoulders come into view. He watches Yamazaki laugh at something Rin-senpai says to Momo and take Rin-senpai’s knee to his behind with a good-natured chuckle. 

While Aiichirou never actually engages in gossip, he still finds it fun to, ah, _observe_ other people’s business and interactions with others. Plus, he needs to find a word to describe that very specific look Yamazaki gives Rin-senpai—hence, when he's not in the pool or keeping time for others, he continues his observations of Yamazaki and Rin-senpai. 

It’s not exactly infatuation, he concludes—it seems far deeper than that. It’s probably not lust, either. But then again, he doesn't know what lust looks like outside of gay porn mags targeted at women.

Breaking him out of his thoughts, Yamazaki calls him over to time Rin-senpai for his 100-meter freestyle.

“Yessir!” Aiichirou snatches his stopwatch up from the bench, then scrambles over to the starting block in the fifth lane, where Rin-senpai is already in a crouch for a dive.

“Give me the go, Ai,” Rin-senpai instructs.

Aiichirou nods, now focused. He poises his finger on the side of the watch and presses down the moment he shouts “Go!”

Half of the guys who aren't being timed wander over to watch their captain tear through the water in a battle for dominance. Gasps of “Shit, did Captain get even faster?” and “Is he gonna smash his own record again?” and “No way! I'm still trying to break his previous record!” echo all around Aiichirou, but he zeroes in on Yamazaki.

Yamazaki’s eyes are the lightest shade of teal Aiichirou has ever seen yet. His arms are folded across his chest, but he doesn't look domineering or intimidating. His shoulders are free of tension, and a small smile dances on his lips. It’s a lot like adoration, Aiichirou thinks, which he himself can relate to, having admired Rin-senpai and his swimming for a year now. But at the same time, it also looks… _sadder,_ for some reason.

The word strikes Aiichirou when Rin-senpai kicks off against the wall on the other side and everyone else bursts into gasps and cheers, while Yamazaki seems rooted in place like a monument built for the sole purpose of watching Rin-senpai swim. 

_Longing._ It’s called longing—at least, that is what Aiichirou thinks it is. It lingers in the slight crinkles around Yamazaki’s eyes when Rin-senpai hoists himself out of the pool after breaking his own record again. It haunts the way Yamazaki’s clenched fist hovers in the air for a split second after Rin-senpai lowers his and turns to call the next swimmer. It remains in Yamazaki’s almost imperceptible smile when Rin-senpai snaps at Momo for messing around instead of properly taking Nakagawa’s time. If Aiichirou is correct, and he likes to think he is, then Yamazaki must be longing for something Rin-senpai has—or maybe just Rin-senpai himself.

Well, that is an interesting turn of events that Aiichirou wasn't expecting.

After that, it’s time for the 100-meter butterfly time trials. Since Uozumi has relieved Aiichirou of timekeeping duty, he wanders over to Rin-senpai’s side to watch the swimmers.

As usual, Yamazaki pulls ahead of the pack by half a body and increases his lead all the way to the end. Aiichirou’s jaw hangs open. He wonders what it must be like to be that good and downright _formidable_ at what you love to do, leaving the world behind in a wake of splashes and bubbles. He thinks of his own lackluster timings, and shame curdles in him. 

“Yamazaki-senpai’s butterfly really is amazing,” he remarks.

Rin-senpai, however, watches the swimmers with an unimpressed air. His arms, with the jacket sleeves pushed up to his elbows to show off his toned forearms, are folded across his chest. “Yeah, but he's way faster when he’s _actually_ trying.”

Aiichirou’s eyes go wide as the sun. He stares at Rin-senpai, then swivels back to the pool, stunned. No one would have guessed that—well, no one except Rin-senpai. Aiichirou supposes being able to recognise even the most subtle nuances in each other’s performance is one of those childhood-friend things. Rin-senpai must think really highly of Yamazaki’s abilities. 

Practice goes more or less well that day. Rin-senpai gives them a quick debrief about their performance, then dismisses them to the showers.

Not wanting to hold up the others, Aiichirou takes a quick shower. It’s a habit cultivated from his freshman days, being at the bottom of the pecking order on a cutthroat team like Samezuka. Being a second-year means he can take more liberties, but certain habits are hard to break. 

He wanders out of his shower stall, dressed in a pastel blue shirt with white ducks all over it (a birthday gift from Rin-senpai, which he dearly treasures) and drying his hair with a towel. Sometimes, he uses the hairdryers since they're faster than towels, except on days when Rin-senpai seems to be having a bad hair day. Days such as those are evidenced by the impatient tugs on the knots in his hair and a stream of curses that even the blaring of the hairdryer can't drown out. One time, Aiichirou asked him why he didn't just cut his hair if it’s such a bother to maintain, only for Rin-senpai to spear him with a glare that nearly sent him on a train back home to sob in his mother’s arms.

Instead of risking Rin-senpai’s literal hair-trigger temper, Aiichirou perches on the bench beside Yamazaki, who has already changed into a loose tank top and a pair of grey sweatpants. A plain white towel is draped over his damp hair, but he pays it no mind as he flicks his finger down his phone’s screen. Aiichirou sits on the edge, still wired with buzzing nerves. Even if Yamazaki has proven he's a lot nicer than he looks would suggest during their first meeting, Aiichirou still isn't sure how to approach him when Rin-senpai isn't around. He has tried asking Yamazaki why he transferred from Tokitsu when he already had a good place on his old team, only to receive a distant mutter of “Just wanted to return to my hometown to swim the way I want to” before Yamazaki dove right into the pool as if to avoid any more questions. When Aiichirou tries to make small talk about homework and the like, Yamazaki just nods and hums noncommittally, and Aiichirou isn't sure if he's in a bad mood or just awkward or both.

A snort and low chuckle from the senpai beside him startles Aiichirou out of his thoughts.

“What’s the matter, Yamazaki-senpai?”

“Oh, uh, just something I saw on Instagram,” Yamazaki says, smothering his laughter with a cough. He turns his phone to Aiichirou. On the screen is a dazzling image of pink petals scattered over a glistening blue lake, presumably somewhere in the countryside. The caption consists of a row of cherry blossom emojis.

“It’s beautiful,” Aiichirou gasps.

“Yeah, Rin would probably burst into tears or something if he sees this.”

“OI I CAN HEAR YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME,” Rin-senpai bellows over the roar of his hairdryer.

Yamazaki rolls his eyes. “Don't be so self-centered, Rin. Contrary to what you may think, the whole world isn't obsessed with you.”

“I'M GONNA SCATTER THUMB TACKS ON YOUR BED IF YOU KEEP TALKING SHIT.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Grinning, Yamazaki shares the post with Rin-senpai in his DMs. 

Yamazaki continues scrolling through his Instagram newsfeed. Now, Aiichirou _knows_ it’s rude to peer at someone’s screen because of privacy and all that, but at the same time he's rather curious about what else is on Yamazaki’s feed.

To his credit, Yamazaki doesn't let out an ungainly snort again the way he did when he saw the cherry blossoms. But a smile does tease at the corners of his mouth—not fully stretching into one but looking like it’s almost there—when his finger hovers over a picture of black-and-red legskins, as if debating whether or not to share it with Rin-senpai. He does share several other posts with Rin-senpai, like photos of cats curled up on a table, professional swimmers diving into a large Olympic-esque pool and more pictures of cherry blossoms.

_Yamazaki-senpai thinks of Rin-senpai a lot, doesn't he?_

Aiichirou doesn't realise he's said it out loud until Yamazaki turns to him with an odd look. He flinches and gasps and slaps his hands on his cheeks in horror, cursing his brain-to-mouth filters for failing him and now Yamazaki is going to think he's a weird creep for staring at his phone and spending his entire day wondering about Yamazaki and Rin-senpai’s relationship and—

“Yeah,” Yamazaki says with a sigh. He clicks his phone off and slides it into his pocket. “Kinda hard not to, since he's in, like, everything I see.”

Aiichirou gapes wordlessly at him. Is Yamazaki aware of what exactly that sounds like? Or is this one of those cases where the parties don't even realise their feelings and then one day, something happens and they have this huge Gay Panic?

But then Yamazaki’s smile twists into something bitter, and Aiichirou thinks, _Okay. Maybe that's not the case. Maybe he's already come to terms with the gay. Or something happened._

Aiichirou wonders if it would be pushing his boundaries too far by asking. It probably would be, since Yamazaki is his senpai and even if he wasn't, this isn't something you just _say_ out loud, especially in a locker room where a bunch of other guys can hear you. But even so, Aiichirou has never seen anyone look at Rin-senpai like that, and with such _sadness_. Maybe Yamazaki needs someone to talk to? And obviously he can't talk to Rin-senpai about it because this _is_ about Rin-senpai, so maybe Aiichirou can be his listening ear instead—but no, that would be too forward of a kouhai, and it technically is none of his business anyway. _But even so…_

A burst of chortles beside him startle Aiichirou out of his inner panic.

“Shut up or I’ll really scatter thumb tacks on your bed,” Rin-senpai snaps—and Aiichirou can see what has Yamazaki so amused ( _Sorry, Rin-senpai, but it’s true!_ ). His hair is a mess of red on his head, with the right side so tangled Aiichirou has difficulty ascertaining where the roots begin and the rest of his hair ends. The left side is all puffed up, like he stuck a fork in an electric socket and the electric socket had a personal vendetta against him.

“How did you even get your hair like that?” Yamazaki cackles, holding his stomach. 

“It just be like that sometimes," Rin-senpai grouses as he runs a weary hand through his hair. 

“Maybe you should text Gou and ask her about de-tangling techniques. Her hair’s longer than yours, even if ‘long’ is a relative term. Perhaps she’ll even send you some special conditioner.”

Rin-senpai lightly whacks Yamazaki’s behind with his towel when Yamazaki gets up, which Yamazaki takes with another chortle. Even though Rin-senpai is flushed from the teasing, a grin still forces a way on his face as he dishes out insults as good as he takes.

Honestly, that alone is enough to convince Aiichirou that there's _something_ in the air between them, whether Rin-senpai realises it or not ( _Oh Rin-senpai, if only you saw the way Yamazaki-senpai looks at you_ ). 

Still, he isn't totally confident in his assessments—it could just be him gay-projecting on to the two most convenient guys around him. Maybe he should invest in some actual BL stories and not just porn—for research purposes, of course.

* * *

Keeping up the tradition from his predecessor, Rin takes the first-years swimsuit shopping on Saturday morning. To keep him company (and to prevent him from strangling Momo to death with legskins when the horny dumbass tries hitting on Gou, who just so happens to be in the store too), Sousuke and Ai have volunteered tag along too.

Rin needs a drink or maybe twelve after keeping Momo’s filthy mitts away from Gou, so he accompanies Sousuke to the vending machine on the ground floor once everyone has made their purchases and dispersed to do their own shopping. There’s only one can of their favourite soda left in the machine; hence, they settle this conundrum with the only feasible solution: a rock-paper scissors throwdown. 

Rin, Iwatobi’s reigning rock-paper-scissors champion, wins the soda and bragging rights, though Sousuke takes the loss with grace. Perhaps he doesn't care about the soda and just wants a throwdown, or perhaps he is simply feeling generous today. 

Grinning, Rin sits down next to Sousuke on a step, which faces a brown-tiled path lined with camphor trees winding behind the mall. It’s nice and quiet for a Saturday morning. There is hardly a person in sight save for the both of them, and a gentle breeze promising summer sweeps his bangs back. It really is a beautiful day—the only thing missing is some cherry blossom petals fluttering in the air. 

Beside him, Sousuke is so close that Rin can smell his cologne. It’s a clean scent—definitely not belonging to the detergent in the dorms’ laundry rooms—mixed with a refreshing earthiness and the ever-present waft of chlorine. It’s a smell uniquely Sousuke and damn near hypnotising, even if Rin has no clue how something as simple as cologne is capable of that.

Sousuke watches him as he downs half the can in three gulps. The fizziness dances across his tongue, not too sweet, just the way he likes it. Rin lets out a satisfied sigh after swallowing.

“Damn, this tastes great after not having one in forever!” he exclaims, grinning.

“Hey, that reminds me," Sousuke says. "I lost the last time we did this, too. It was, what, the summer of sixth grade? We fought for the last popsicle at the convenience store, remember?”

An easy laugh escapes Rin. “Oh yeah, I kicked your ass at rock-paper-scissors for, like, the fiftieth time.”

Sousuke rests his face in his hand. He regards Rin with a soft and open look, his eyes never wavering from Rin’s face. There’s always this powerful, pulling gravity in his gaze, but it never overwhelms Rin. Rather, it lights him up and makes him want to hang on to every word Sousuke has to say.

“Do you remember the promise we made back then?” Sousuke asks.

Nostalgia floods through Rin. It's so strong he wonders if Haru, Makoto and Nagisa can feel it wherever they are. “Ah, that's right. We had that butterfly race and agreed the loser would do anything the winner asked of them.”

“Though you ended up leaving for Australia before I decided what I wanted to ask for.”

“Well, since we’ve ended up meeting again, let's commemorate our reunion—go ahead and ask me for anything,” Rin offers with a magnanimous sweep of his hand, managing not to spill his soda. 

Sousuke doesn't miss a beat. “Trade bunks with me.”

“Come on, we already settled that with a throwdown. And really, man? _That's_ what you want for our five-year promise?”

“Then give me half your soda.”

“Oi, are you gonna take this seriously or not?” Rin snaps, peeved.

To Rin’s surprise, Sousuke bursts out chuckling. He lies back with his hands behind his head, chews his lower lip, before saying, “Well, give me some time to think about it, yeah?”

Rin sighs, wondering what ridiculously anticlimactic thing Sousuke would make him do. Maybe let him copy his English homework. Rin ranks at the top of their cohort in English, while Sousuke’s grades in general are nothing to write home about because of how fixated he is on swimming, so that would make sense. But Rin would never let him do that, since there’s no pride in getting a good score you did not earn by your own merit, and Sousuke knows that. Not sure what else Sousuke would ask for, Rin waits with waning patience and downs the rest of his soda.

“More importantly, though,” Sousuke says, and his tone takes a sudden swerve into more severe territory, “why didn't you contact me during these past five years? Did something happen in Australia?”

Rin flinches and nearly drops the can. With that one word, the world jerks violently, and the clear blue sky overhead and green leaves dotting the camphor trees around them vanish. 

Now, he is underground. The low ceiling shakes under the pounding of a hundred or a thousand pairs of feet, causing it to rain dust all around him. He chokes and splutters as the motes of dust invade his nose, irritating his eyes and throat. A calloused hand thrusts a black mask at him. With tears blurring his vision, he blindly snatches it and slaps it over his face. He's just in time—smoke billows out from the corridor they managed to escape by the skin of their teeth. His gloved hands shake with the weight of the manila folders in them. The guard he's disguised as has some clumsy hands, nearly causing him to drop them several times. His lungs burn from the dust, smoke and exertion of running for the past hour with no clear end in sight, and he thinks, _This is how I'm gonna die. This is how I'm gonna die, without getting even a glimpse of the global stage or freeing Haru._

The world spins again. Now, he is above ground, his back against a brick wall that grates against his security-guard uniform like granite. The sky rains metallic hail, the stench of blood nearly makes him gag, gunshots threaten to deafen him—and a bullet tears through an old woman’s chest before he can so much as croak out a warning.

What feels like a pair of large warm hands lands on his shoulders. Distantly, he hears someone call a name—it could be his name. He took on so many names and pretended to be so many people in Australia that he doesn't know what his name is anymore, or if he even has one.

The weight on his shoulders shifts, and bright teal chases away the grey bullets. A refreshing earthiness cuts through the stench of blood.

“Rin.”

Rin gasps and blinks. The sickeningly fast revolution of the world slows down, until he can make out the outline of short dark hair, the shade of tan belonging to skin, the downturn of teal eyes wide with worry.

Sousuke. His best friend is beside him, now sitting upright with his large hands on Rin’s shoulders like chain to an anchor in turbulent seas. And looking at Sousuke like this, Rin feels—well, the thing is, he _knows_ he's nowhere near small in size; he stands at a respectable 177 cm tall, and his muscles have been cultivated from hours of hard work at the gym. But under Sousuke’s hands, faced with his concerned frown, Rin feels like a delicate petal. Or some bullshit like that. He wouldn't ever admit it to Sousuke, anyway.

He draws in a shaky breath. “Sorry, were you saying something?”

“Yeah, I was asking if something happened in Australia ‘cause your letters stopped coming after a while, when you suddenly spaced out. Is something—”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rin snaps, more harshly than he intended.

The crease between Sousuke’s eyebrows deepens. “Rin, are you sure?”

“It’s my own damned body—of course I know I'm fine. Just continue with what you were saying. I'm listening.”

Sousuke seems to hesitate, but his hands slide off Rin’s shoulders and he leans back to give Rin some space. “Uh, where was I?”

“My letters stopped coming?” Rin prompts.

“Yeah, that. Well, I figured you had hit a wall or something, or you got so caught up in your training you didn't have time to write. That's why I didn't say anything when we met again. But now…” Sousuke sits back up again, and the piercing look that seems to cut right through to Rin’s soul is back again. “I want to know what happened. What happened to you in Australia, Rin?”

Rin recoils, and he hastily filters through everything safe to tell Sousuke. There is no way in hell he can bring up Haru or superpowers or GREAT, and neither does he want to imagine how badly Sousuke would flip if he knew there’s a bomb in Rin right now as they speak; Sousuke had always been protective of Rin to the point of aggression when the kids in their elementary school class teased him for crying, called him Rin-Rin even though he'd made it clear that he hated the nickname, and did other shitty things elementary school kids did because they're all assholes. He doubts Sousuke's fierce protective streak has changed even after years of not seeing each other. 

Besides, it’s bad enough as it is that he has brought Rei into this shitstorm—even if Rei was the one who demanded to be in the loop—and the guilt still keeps him up at night. He can’t risk any more. Withholding any semblance of truth from Sousuke, the only one he feels safe enough to bare his entire soul to—it's like betraying himself, but the one thing that's worse would be to put him in harm’s way.

Rin places the empty can between them, as if to act as a filter for what he's about to tell Sousuke. He can't bear to look at Sousuke as he twists the truth, so he watches as a leaf flutters from the highest branch on the camphor tree to the ground. 

“It wasn't a big deal,” he says slowly. “It was—well, it was pretty much what you imagined. I was training abroad when I hit a wall, stumbled and couldn't get back up. That—that’s all. I even considered quitting at one point—” 

_Because the stress of living a double life in Australia nearly killed me multiple times, and it cost me the life of a woman who was practically another grandmother to me._

“—because I wanted to achieve a lot of things that I thought I had to bear on my own, and I just… I couldn't take it. But…” Despite everything, a smile tugs at Rin's lips. “I was saved. By Haru, Makoto, Nagisa and Rei. By my friends.”

There is an odd edge to Sousuke’s voice when he mutters, “Your friends again, huh?”

Rin nods, his mouth stretching into a wide grin. “When I swam with them, they showed me a sight I'd never seen before. It made me want to try harder and keep on fighting, y’know? There are some things—many things, actually—worth picking yourself up over and over again for, no matter how many times the world tries to shit on you. Now, I fight for the sake of the friends who saved me, and for my own dreams too. I can have it all—I _want_ to have it all.”

“That's right,” Sousuke chuckles, low and warm. “You always were a romantic dumbass whenever it came to swimming, weren't you?”

Rin clicks his tongue and knees Sousuke in the ribs. “Shut up or I'm mixing your coloured laundry with the whites.”

But still, better for Sousuke to think that a romantic dumbass is all he is than for him to get tangled up in the _other_ side of Rin’s life.

* * *

Under an unusually irritable Rin’s orders, Sousuke shuffles down the hall to Nitori and Mikoshiba’s dorm, where he tells Mikoshiba to “Keep it down or the Captain will make you do Regimen No. 343 on Monday”. Nitori, bless his soul, goes pale as a sheet at Sousuke's words in sympathy for his roommate’s lack of brain cells, and he apologises profusely in Mikoshiba’s stead.

Having done his job, Sousuke returns to his dorm, proud to announce this is the first time since he moved in that he hasn't gotten lost on this floor. Soon, he will learn to navigate through the three other storeys in the building too.

Sousuke sighs, partly in exasperation and partly in fondness, when he finds Rin still lying on his stomach on his bed. The fluorescent glare from the screen of his bright pink laptop highlights the exhausted edges around his eyes. He barely acknowledges Sousuke’s presence and continues typing away on the keyboard, cursing to make the crudest of sailors faint when a key gets stuck because he has apparently sent half the board to an early grave.

“You haven't moved an inch since we came back from dinner, have you?” Sousuke keeps his voice light so he won't sound like he’s accusing Rin. It wouldn't go over well with Rin when he is in this state. “You're gonna ruin your eyesight at this rate.”

“Whatever,” Rin mutters in a distracted tone. “I’ll just get Rei to recommend me some places to get prescription goggles. And glasses too, I guess. Ugh, glasses would be a pain, though. They keep sliding down your nose and getting smudged for no good fucking reason, according to my mom.”

Sousuke is sure the Matsuoka matriarch doesn't have quite a filthy vocabulary, though he can't help but think Rin would look pretty in glasses, especially if his hair is tied back in a loose ponytail like he has it now. Heat crawls up Sousuke’s face, and he finds himself glad that Rin can't read minds or sense his emotions.

He shuts the door behind him and moves to join Rin on his bunk. “What are you slaving away at, anyway?”

Rin jerks and slams the cover of his laptop down. The impact is so hard Sousuke wonders if the rest of the keyboard has joined its brethren in their early grave. “Nothing,” he blurts out.

Not suspicious at all. Sousuke lifts his eyebrows to demonstrate just what he thinks of Rin’s honesty. “If you're looking at weird porn, I won't think anything less of you. Promise. Everyone’s got their fetishes—I won't kink-shame you. Unless you've got some _really_ messed up kinks."

“ _It’s not weird porn,_ ” Rin snaps, his ears turning as pink as the battered laptop. “It’s just—nothing important.”

“Something so not-important that you feel compelled to lie there for hours, destroying your eyesight and not moving even once?”

“I took a pee break about an hour and a half ago.”

“Rin.”

Rin scowls and kicks Sousuke’s ass. “Get back to your own bunk. Don't need you warming my bed for me.”

“Fine, fine,” Sousuke relents, holding his hands up in defeat. He gets off Rin's bunk and climbs up the ladder to his own. “Goodnight, Rin.”

Sousuke watches over the railing as Rin pads over to the light switch while removing his hair-tie and fluffing his hair. He really is too pretty for words, with the way his long-ish red strands tickle the curve of his neck. In his thin tank top, his lean arms are on display. The muscles flex as his hands combs through his hair. Sousuke can't help but feel a little jealous of the people who got to watch as Rin went through puberty and became—well, _this._ At least he gets to see the end result, though.

“Night, Sousuke,” Rin’s voice drifts from below after the light flicks off. The lower bunk creaks as he settles on it, then silence falls over the darkened room like a guardian angel.

That guardian angel is complete shit at its job, because halfway through the night, strange sounds jar Sousuke out of a dreamless sleep. They soon vanish, so he rolls over on his other side, trying to lull himself back to sleep. He gets maybe two minutes of silence before the strange sounds return. His ears prickle as he listens carefully. 

Pained, muffled whimpers emanate from the bottom bunk.

Sousuke bolts upright, all senses fully awake now. He pauses and listens again. This time, a muffled scream pierces the deafening silence in the room. 

He all but leaps down from his bunk, falling into a crouch beside Rin's bed. The faint orange light from the lamp posts outside the window lights Rin’s profile up. He’s curled in a fetal position, his arms thrown over his head as if to protect himself from invisible enemies. His blanket is twisted around his ankles. With a violent thrash, it slides off his feet and tumbles to the floor.

Sousuke goes on autopilot instincts. His hands reach out, grab Rin by the shoulders and shake him. His mouth opens to call Rin’s name over and over again, but Rin remains ensnared in the vice grip of his nightmare.

Sousuke’s throat starts to dry up from strain. He wonders if it’s time to take more drastic measures, when Rin’s eyes fly open. In a blur, his hand swings out like a crowbar, and it’s only with his fast reflexes that Sousuke manages to duck it by a hair.

“Rin, what the hell?” he wheezes.

Rin lets out an incomprehensible groan before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What on—don’t just shake people like that! You fucking scared me.”

“You were making one hell of a racket—of course I was gonna be worried," Sousuke snaps. 

“It’s just a nightmare. Nothing for you to get so worked up about.”

“Then why did you sound like you were in so much pain?” Sousuke demands, and he can see Rin’s outline freeze. “I thought someone had snuck in and started torturing you or something.”

“So maybe I make noise in my sleep when I'm having a terrifying-as-balls nightmare,” Rin replies tersely. “Is it that big a deal? Go back to sleep, Sousuke. Sorry for waking you up.”

Relieved that Rin seems to be more or less his normal feisty self, Sousuke is about to comply—but then the image of Rin’s pale, stricken face from earlier that afternoon flashes through his mind. He remembers how Rin froze and didn't respond for a full minute or two while Sousuke held him, calling his name because it was all he knew to do.

“No,” Sousuke says, brooking no argument. “I won't go until you tell me what's wrong. Or at least—at least let me do _something_ to help you. If there's something troubling you, I want to shoulder the burden with you. Whatever it is, you don't have to fight it alone, Rin.”

Rin sighs. “Even if there was,” he mutters, sounding like it’s more to himself than Sousuke, “I doubt you could do anything about it."

Sousuke frowns, but before he can ask, Rin scoots over and pats the space beside him. Wordlessly, Sousuke takes it. It’s warm from Rin’s body, and it smells like the cherry-blossom-scented shampoo Rin uses. The aroma is enchanting like a Siren’s melody, but Sousuke wishes he could enjoy it under better circumstances.

Rin leans closer to nestle his head right under Sousuke’s chin, his cheek pressed against the thin cotton stretched over Sousuke’s chest. Sousuke’s breaths shorten with a sharp inhale. He hopes Rin can't hear or feel how much faster his heart is starting to pound now, like it’s trying to burst through his ribcage. His hand trembles ever so slightly as he places it on Rin’s back.

“This—is this enough?” Sousuke whispers hoarsely.

Rin’s head jerks against Sousuke’s chest—a nod, presumably. “Yeah. This is good. Thanks.”

With Rin's head tucked under Sousuke’s chin, the scent of cherry blossoms nearly overwhelms him. He has to resist the urge to tilt his face down to press his nose to Rin’s hair. That would be creepy. And also not what strictly platonic, no-homo best friends would do, never mind Sousuke’s own feelings—he has spent years repressing them, and he will continue doing so. Although, if Rin doesn't fall asleep soon, they're gonna have a bit of a problem; Sousuke’s sweatpants are, for lack of a better word, _thin._

Thankfully, Rin’s breathing soon evens out and his head becomes a limp weight against Sousuke’s chest. Sousuke gently pulls away, careful not to jostle Rin back into consciousness (Rin’s temper when woken up too suddenly will make even the most devastating volcanoes tremble in fear), and returns to his own bunk. His heart is still racing too hard from the lingering traces of cherry blossoms smothered on his shirt. He places his hand over his chest, as if an action so feeble could quell the furious pace his heart is drumming at.

Fuck, he's gonna need to invest in thicker sweatpants if nightmares are going to become a recurring thing. 

* * *

The following evening, Rin seems to have decided against slaving away at his bright pink laptop in favour of going for a run. With nothing else better to do, Sousuke decides to get into his jogging gear too.

“You don't have to make yourself jog with me,” Rin says. His breathing is steady despite their pace.

Sousuke’s lips quirk into a grin. As if he would have to _make_ himself do anything with Rin when he would drop the entire world to be with him. “I should do this at least once in a while to keep myself in shape.”

“If you say so.”

They round the corner, and the pool complex comes into view. It’s closed by seven p.m., which is an hour after practice ends—or it should be, except several lights are switched on. A loud splash from the inside pierces through the otherwise silent night.

Curious, they slow to a walk and pause in front of the windows to get a peek through.

The entire complex is devoid of life save for that Nitori boy, who's swimming breastroke like his life depends on it. Even so, his technique is garbage—his form slips after eighty meters, and he wastes precious time dilly-dallying at the turn. If this were a race at prefecturals, he wouldn't even stand a chance at advancing to regionals.

“That Ai,” Rin exclaims, grinning like a proud older brother. “He might really make it on to the relay team at this rate!”

There he goes again, talking about relays and his friends and all the other distractions impeding his path to the global stage. Sousuke really doesn't get it. Rin may not be a natural like Nanase, but his tireless hard work and brazen spirit have made him what he is today—an incredible swimmer, a force to be reckoned with in the water, one of Samezuka’s finest. Why the hell would he waste his time on such pointless things that won't help him improve?

“Hey, Rin, question,” Sousuke says. “Between your dream and the relay, which one’s more important to you?”

“Huh?” Rin’s eyes narrow, as if Sousuke just asked him to pick a family member who should die. “They're _both_ important to me. Where on earth did you even get an idea like that?”

“If you're really serious about competing on an international level, you can't keep on going on about stuff like relays and your pals. You should use all your time to improve yourself—use every second of minute to train hard until you've beaten the rest of the world. If you keep obsessing over the relay, your dream's gonna slip right through your fingers. There's no time to be playing around with your buddies in the pool.”

Sousuke braces himself for the infamous Matsuoka fury. His hands are clenched and his feet planted firmly; he will not budge until Rin has at least seen his point of view. He _needs_ Rin to be as serious about his dream as Sousuke is, because Sousuke himself can't have it, not with the way his shoulder is completely wrecked. If he can't be on the starting block next to Rin’s on the global stage, he at least wants to watch Rin shine for the whole world to see from the sidelines.

However, Rin’s head lowers. The red strands not tucked into his ponytail fall to partially conceal his face. “You're wrong,” he whispers. “Back when I was a kid, and even now—it was _because_ I had friends who saved me and supported me that I’ve managed to come this far. I am who I am today precisely because of them. Of course my dream is important to me; I've been working my whole damn life for it. But being able to swim with my friends—that’s the source of my strength. So even if you try to tell me I'm being too soft or 'buddy-buddy' with them, I’ll show you that I can have both. I can have my dream…” And his voice trembles for reasons unknown to Sousuke. “And my friends. I _will_ swim with my friends.”

There is a loaded heaviness weighing down the last sentence, like there’s more to it than meets Sousuke’s eye. But before he can even get a word in, the cadence in Rin’s voice leaves Sousuke’s stuck in his throat.

“I’ll fight for what I believe in, and I will swim with the greatest team and make all of this—make _everything_ a reality.”

Whatever Sousuke was about to say gets lost in the fervor of Rin’s declaration. Rin’s eyes are still blazing like a molten sunrise at nighttime, daring Sousuke to challenge him. 

Instead, it gives him pause. His fists unclench on their own accord, and he realises why—even though he still doesn't quite understand Rin’s ardent love for relays, even though he still thinks having stupid buddy-buddy feelings won't help a swimmer once they are in the pool… if they make Rin’s spirit blaze like that then Sousuke wants to be a part of it, simple as that.

“If that's the case, count me in as one of those friends," Sousuke declares. He looks at Rin in the eye to try and match his passion. "I want to swim the relay too."

Rin's eyes widen like Sousuke has just started singing in Greek. “Sousuke… but you said relays were—when we screwed up that relay in elementary school, you said swimming was an individual sport to you; that when you dive into the pool, you're alone and thinking of your friends won't make you any faster, or something like that. You even said that you and I were better off not teaming up ‘cause we thought too differently about relays, so why now all of a sudden…?”

Sousuke winces, guilt curling its talons around his chest. It has been years but he still can't forget the stricken look on Rin’s face, like Sousuke’s words had slashed open a wound in a place far deeper than the eyes could see. 

“It’s true that back then, that was what I thought. But I'm different now.” He holds Rin’s gaze, where the answer lies. “I get the sense that if I swim the relay with you, I’d understand something. I don't know what that something is—maybe a sight I’d never seen before, to use your words—but I want to try and find it. Is that not enough? Rin, you promised you'd give me anything I asked for, didn't you? So please, just this one thing—that’s all I ask of you.”

Rin’s eyes go wide, shimmering under the reflections of the pool lights on the window. He stares at Sousuke with his mouth slack, like he's trying to know someone he has never met before. 

But then he falters. His gaze drops somewhere lower in resigned defeat.

“Even with that promise, I can't do that,” he says with forced evenness. “I may be the Captain, but I'm not the one that makes that call. Members are chosen by their times—that’s how it works here in Samezuka. The swimmers with the best time for each stroke are the ones who get to swim in the relay.”

Sousuke should’ve expected this. He smiles forlornly at the ground, waiting for it to swallow him up. Any day now, come on. “Right.”

“But,” Rin adds, and the fire dancing in his eyes reaches new peaks, “I appreciate that passion in your heart. Look, this isn't a flex, but I hold the records for both freestyle and butterfly on our team. If you really want to enter the relay, win either one of the spots with your own power, not with a promise we made each other years ago.”

The gears in Sousuke’s mind start to spin. “So you're saying if I beat you, I can swim the butterfly leg in the relay." When Rin nods, steely resolve straightens Sousuke's shoulders. "Then let’s have a throwdown for it.”

A grin unfurls across Rin’s face. “Fine by me. I accept your challenge!”

* * *

Rin can't even find it in him to be upset by his own loss, not when he finally got to witness Sousuke going all out. It’s been way too long since they last raced—it still sends tingling thrills down his spine even after he has made contact with the wall and pulled his goggles off. Sousuke’s raw power in the water is even more electrifying to experience in the adjacent lane, as opposed to merely watching from the sidelines. Rin can't lose to him; he’ll have to keep training and getting better so he can match Sousuke. 

“Sousuke,” Rin breathes, beaming from ear to ear, “you finally swam seriously. It isn't just in your heart—your strength is nothing to be fucked with, either. I’ve found my resolve too. I'm gonna keep getting better so I kick your ass the next time we race. So thanks, Sousuke.”

Sousuke’s expression is an odd mixture of proud, relieved and… longing? His hands lift from the pool and stretch out, as if wanting to touch Rin. Rin tilts his head, confused, before it hits him. Grinning, he lifts a palm up—only for Sousuke to stare like he's forgotten what that universal gesture stands for.

“C’mon, I'm trying to be a good sport here,” Rin laughs, splashing Sousuke with his other hand. When Sousuke continues staring, bewildered, Rin clicks his tongue. “High-five me already, dammit. Don't leave me hanging like some dumbass.”

That elicits a chuckle from Sousuke, though it sounds strained. “Well, you _are_ one.” He lifts his hand and slaps it lightly against Rin’s.

Rin rolls his eyes. Clueless yet smart-mouthed as ever, that's his Sousuke. 

Even so, he can't stop the fire burning in him as he thinks of the electricity in his blood when Sousuke pulled ahead of him earlier. That Sousuke—he’s definitely going places after high school, and Rin can barely contain his pride. The sight of Sousuke on the neighbouring starting block, poised for take-off and waiting for the whistle to blow with the whole world watching them—now _that_ is a sight Rin would take his time to drink in before absolutely destroying Sousuke in the pool.

“Oi, Rin,” Sousuke’s voice says, floating down from above his head and snapping him out of his daydreaming. “What are you staring at in the pool? Gonna give another romantic speech about the meaning of swimming or something?”

“No, you dick,” Rin retorts. He splashes Sousuke out of a primal need for petty vengeance before hauling himself out of the pool and giving Sousuke’s ass a proper kick. The asshole just cackles like some kind of evil overlord. 

“Race you back?” Sousuke asks, still wearing that shit-eating grin.

Too bad for him, Rin has already thought of that and started running ahead. “Loser has to give the winner half his meat on steak night!”

“Oi, you can't just announce that while giving yourself a head-start! Get back here, you cheater!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please kudos and leave some feedback if you can! i'm kinda overwhelmed with school assignments and issues in my personal life, so reading your comments is what keeps me motivated to work on this story <3 i appreciate all the feedback i get!
> 
> my headcanon for rin's bright pink laptop is that it was a gag gift from the iwatobi guys and gou (it's a really old model and kinda shitty, that's how they were just barely able to afford it for his birthday). he complained about the colour, that its brightness was scorching his retinas blah blah blah, but well, in true rin fashion he still uses it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ oh rin, you big tsuntsun dork.
> 
> i scream about free! and other stuff on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/). feel free (ahem no pun intended) with me :D


	17. runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His friends are wonderful, but Nagisa has never felt more alone than he does now with more than just a thin wooden door separating them, and it’s only going to get worse if his parents really go through with making him quit the swim club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i meant to upload this WAY earlier but i ended up catching a cold, so that sucked. seems like everyone's been falling sick so please take care of yourselves :0 
> 
> there are some embedded images in this chapter. they showed up just fine in my preview, but if it doesn't for you then let me know and i'll see what i can do about it.
> 
> anyway, without further ado, on to the chapter!

“They're late,” Haruka, observant as ever, notes.

“Maybe their class just went on longer than expected,” Makoto suggests reasonably. “Our classes overran all the time last year, didn't it, Haru?”

“They still do. Especially English.” Haruka scowls, as if his English teacher did him the greatest offense of letting class time eat into his lunch break.

“That can't be—I saw some of their classmates in the cafeteria on my way up here,” Gou says. She lifts her phone to examine the tangles in her ponytail. Having long hair does have its downfalls such as knots and taking _forever_ to dry, but she isn't going to have it cut until it becomes _truly_ unbearable—it’s a Matsuoka Thing to keep your hair as long as humanly possible. Also, Rin refuses to cut his too, and she can't let his hair grow longer than hers; her hair is her second-most prized possession, the first being her vast collection of muscle magazines.

Haruka shrugs. “Maybe they're making out somewhere.” The pointed look he sends Makoto makes him flush all the way down to his neck, and Gou has half a mind to toss them out of the club room (never mind that she's half their size and comes up to Haruka’s nose on a good day) when the door bursts open.

“We apologise for our tardiness!” Rei declares, bowing at a perfect ninety-degree angle.

Nagisa bounces in behind him. “We took so long ‘cause we got our math tests back and Rei-chan was sobbing uncontrollably ‘cause he'd lost five marks 'cause of careless mistakes, and he was making plans to migrate to Greenland because he’s too ashamed of his carelessness—”

“I was most certainly _not_ making plans to migrate to Greenland!” Rei screeches. “Nagisa-kun, please stay on task. We have something to inform the others, don't we?” 

That grabs Gou’s attention. She stops trying to untangle her hair, looking up with curiosity. Likewise, Makoto and Haruka have glanced up from where they were organising the shelves to give the two younger members their attention.

“Oh, yes!” Nagisa’s head bobs vigorously up and down, though his hands tremble a little by his sides. “Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Gou-chan! You see, Rei-chan and I—we—”

“Nagisa-kun, I think we should give them some context first. We should inform them of what we are individually, _then_ announce that you and I—”

“But that would take forever ‘cause Rei-chan is _soooo_ long-winded like an old grandma!”

“ _I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT LONG-WINDED._ ”

“Yes, you are,” Gou and Haruka deadpan in unison.

“Come on, you two,” Makoto chides, though he is fighting back a grin. “Be nice—they’re trying their best.”

Rei adjusts his glasses. “Thank you, Makoto-senpai. Now, it may be surprising, but… hmm, how should I put this? Ever since I was—no, that's not—ah, I know! When I was—”

“It’s okay, we know,” Haruka says plainly. But then his expression softens into a warm smile. “Congratulations, Rei, Nagisa.”

Makoto nods, matching Haruka’s smile. “That's wonderful, the both of you.”

Rei’s jaw hangs open, like Haruka just revealed he could read minds on top of all his other superpowers. “Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai… you _knew?_ ”

“Haru-chan and Mako-chan have practically been married since they were kids, so I guess that's how they're able to tell,” Nagisa giggles, earning a blush and a scowl from Makoto and Haruka respectively.

Gou shakes her head with a fond smile. These boys are nothing short of exasperating and silly, but they are _her_ boys.

“Have you two told anyone else?” Makoto asks, and the pair in question falters.

“Well, as for myself, I have not been able to inform my family yet as they all have been busy,” Rei replies, pushing his glasses up his nose even though they hadn't slipped down. “If Nagisa-kun is fine with it, I would like to tell them.”

There’s an odd edge of uncharacteristic hesitance in his voice when Nagisa asks, “Rei-chan, you—your parents—they know? That you’re…?”

Rei’s face goes salmon pink. “I mean, I never had to actually _come out_ to them. They have always just known, or so they claim. In fact, my older brother was the first to guess, if my memory serves me correctly. As for yourself, Nagisa-kun?”

At this, Nagisa’s gaze drops to his feet. “I never—I don't know how but—but it doesn't matter, right?” he pleads, grabbing the front of Rei’s previously creaseless shirt. “As long as we can be together, who cares what my family thinks?”

Gou frowns. “If the both of you are serious about this, you're gonna have to tell your family at _some_ point.”

“You don't have to force yourself to come out if you don't feel ready yet,” Makoto rushes to add. “It’s just—it’s hard when you have to hide things from your family, y’know? It would've killed me if I had to hide Haru from mine.”

Haruka’s face flushes, a rare sight from him. “Oi…”

Nagisa fumbles wildly with his hands before his shoulders slump. “But what I'm more concerned about is what Rei-chan will be like as a boyfriend," he says out of the blue, giving Gou whiplash from the sudden change of topic. "He seems like the type to get too hung up by details and nag you all the time, doesn't he?”

“Excuse me, Nagisa-kun?” Rei snaps, affronted. “When it comes to a lover, I promise you'll never find someone more perfect a partner than me. Listen carefully, I have absolute confidence in my memory, so I would never forget special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays. In addition, I can cook, as well as manage my time so I would never be late for a date. I would research beforehand the places we would visit and even plot out the most optimal path to take to the restaurant, where I had already booked a reservation for us. Therefore, I would make a perfect escort for my date from start to finish. A date with me would be delightful and enjoyable, leaving nothing to be desired.”

“That sounds like a lot of effort, Rei-chan.”

“Of course! If it’s for you then you can rest assured that I would put in my three hundred percent to ensure your happiness and satisfaction.”

Gou forces her smile down. As sweet as this exchange is, she needs to act her part as the stern demon manager. She crosses the room to the newly-formed couple, plants her hands on her hips and glares them down. “I just have one thing to say as your manager: if this relationship of yours interferes with club activities, we will be having _words,_ Rei-kun, Nagisa-kun.”

“Please do not worry, Gou-san,” Rei reassures her, though his face has paled. “Nagisa-kun and I will conduct ourselves with the utmost professionalism during practice. We shall keep matters pertaining to our relationship strictly separate from swimming.”

Nagisa nods, but his expression is faraway, like his head is no longer in this conversation. Gou purses her lips, considering whether to ask him if he's okay. Ultimately, though, she decides against it. Nagisa can take care of himself. Anyway, if there is an issue, he would be the first to draw their attention to it with his usual loud theatrics.

Instead, she plucks her notebook off the bench and begins her club briefing for the day.

* * *

Nagisa slumps back into his house, nothing short of exhausted. It was hard enough as it was, trying to keep up his usual energy so Rei wouldn't suspect anything was wrong with him, but now he has something else on his mind and he needs to make a decision. The thing is, though, he has never really been good at making decisions.

It isn't like he is _ashamed_ of their relationship or anything of that sort. In fact, it’s quite the opposite—he’s so happy being with Rei-chan, he wants to shout it from the rooftops. And it also isn't like he is ashamed of liking guys, either. That is just who he is—loudly and proudly gay. His classmates know and most of them don't look at him any differently, and the ones who do are too terrified to actually do anything because Haru-chan once glared down a guy from the basketball team who called Nagisa a slew of slurs. His glower alone was enough to break the boy until he was nothing but a pile of tears begging for forgiveness at their feet. Now, no one dares to touch Nagisa—and Rei, by association with the swim club and therefore the fearsome Nanase-senpai.

But who Nagisa is at school and who he is at home are two vastly different people. At home, he doesn't have Haru-chan to glare his parents down when they're nagging him even through his closed bedroom door, or his sisters when they visit and decide to give their stupid little brother a difficult time for the hell of it.

Even so, Rei-chan is special and _important_ to him. Rei would go to all sorts of lengths just to make him happy, so Nagisa feels like he should match that devotion and proudly declare to his parents that he and Rei-chan are a thing (never mind that he doesn't even know what their stance about same-sex relationships is).

At the dinner table, he steels himself up, but everything—all his preparation, self-talk, and false confidence—gets dashed away when his mother asks him, “You said you were going to get back your math test today, didn't you, Nagisa?”

Nagisa freezes, and now he wants to just break down and cry. Of all the days he had to get back his math test, his worst subject, of course it would have to be today, just as he was psyching himself up to be honest with his parents for once in his life. And if they knew about how terrible his results were, there's no way they'd allow him to have anything he wants.

“Well, son?” his dad prompts in a brisk tone. “Don't keep us waiting—we don't have all day.”

With trembling hands, Nagisa leaves to retrieve his test paper from his school bag, then holds it out to his parents while staring firmly at a stain on his mother's beloved carpet. That’s from when he was eight and Natsuki-nee was trying to steal his strawberry milk from him, even though she didn't even like strawberry milk, just to make him cry and call him a crybaby. She snatched it from him and dumped it all over the carpet before shoving the crushed carton back into his hands to frame him for the stain. No matter how much he insisted it was Natsuki-nee and not him, his parents didn't believe him since she didn't drink strawberry milk, and he ended up having his strawberry milk privileges taken away for a week.

His parents are silent as a volcano right before eruption. Nagisa cringes and braces himself, waiting for the verbal lashing to come.

“ _23 out of 100?_ ” his mother screeches, flinging the test paper away from herself like it’s filth. “Sweetheart, do you know what this is?”

Nagisa clenches his jaw as he shrinks back. Of course he knows what it means, _of course,_ but he knows his parents are going to rip him a new one in excruciating detail anyway, so he doesn't see any point in answering.

But they're not going to let him have his way.

“When someone asks you a question, _answer them,_ ” his father commands.

Nagisa’s fists tighten by his sides, but the voice that leaves him is small. “It’s my worst score so far.”

Bitterly, he wonders what Rei-chan, Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Gou-chan, Rin-chan, and his classmates would think if they saw him now—tiny, weak, helpless, such a stark contrast to the lively firecracker he tries to be around them. Maybe they won't even recognise him and think he was replaced by an alien doppelganger. 

“Sweetie, how could this happen?” his mother demands. “None of your grades were this bad last year. You even got an 80 on your math exam last year, didn't you? So what went wrong?”

Nagisa is silent, but not because he doesn't know. Rather, he knows all too well what exactly went wrong: he has always hated studying, ever since his middle school days when he had to do absolutely nothing but that. On the first day of his first year in high school, he was optimistic and tried to see it as a new beginning—an opportunity to break away from the demons of middle school. But soon, as the year went on and his workload increased, his optimism was soon disillusioned, and he found himself back where he was in middle school once more.

“It’s the swim club, isn't it?” his father says, his voice as hard as a brick.

Nagisa whips his head up, horrified, but he can't even muster the nerve to ask his dad what he means. He's left standing there, stock-still and frozen as the rest of the world rushes past him, as his father speaks over everything he wants to say but he can't—he just _can't_ say.

“You have swim practice thrice a week, and it goes on well into the evening. After that, you're too exhausted to do your homework when you come back home. That leaves you two weekdays and the weekend to complete your homework _and_ study, _except_ you've also wasted plenty of weekends at all those frivolous swimming events. Your mother and I didn't say anything because we thought you were a big boy and could handle it, but with your grades dropping at such an alarming rate…”

Panic rises like bile up Nagisa’s throat, yet he can't fight back no matter how much he wants to. He knows what's going to come. He squeezes his hands tight, nails digging into his palms, and braces himself.

“Nagisa, darling, I'm afraid you're going to have to quit the swim club,” his mother says in a tone so falsely gentle it makes Nagisa sick. “If your grades carry on like _this_ even when you're a third-year, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get into a good university. And without a good degree, you can kiss any opportunities to get a steady job goodbye.” 

“It’s for the best, son,” his father adds firmly, brooking no argument.

Nagisa can't say anything. He can’t do anything but shrink further and further into himself while his parents dictate his life as they have done ever since he left the womb. He doesn't even have a retort on his tongue—how can he, when he’s convinced they wouldn't listen to him, that there is no way he can get through to them when they're this angry at him.

If he can't fight, then he’ll do what he does best—run.

He gets up and flees back to his room, ignoring their yells for him to come back because “We’re not done yet, Nagisa!” He can't do this, he can't handle any of this anymore; if he spends one more day of his life like this, he might actually die of sheer misery.

The world is dull and desaturated, ringing with haunting echoes of _“You’re going to have to quit the swim club”_ , as he moves through his room like a hurricane. He doesn't want to quit—there is no way he is going to leave the swim club. Being left behind by Mako-chan, Haru-chan, Rin-chan and then the entire Iwatobi SC when it closed down was painful enough as it was. The agony that took him hostage when he thought Rei-chan was going to quit still lingers in his nightmares sometimes. Now, he is _not_ going to go through the pain of being the one to leave them all behind this time.

On nothing but survival instincts, he tosses his clothes, a handful of snacks he hides in his closet from his parents, and some camping equipment like a tent and flashlights into his pink camping bag. With that done, he tucks a pile of old clothes that don't fit anymore and his stuffed toys under his blanket, rearranging them until it looks like a passable human-shaped lump. If Rei were here, he’d do all the calculations to ensure the lump would fool even the most eagle-eyed of people, but this is the best Nagisa can do right now.

In case his parents come knocking on his door the next morning, he scribbles a fib on a yellow post-it note that says he left early to go jogging with his friends and sticks it on his desk. He gathers his schoolbag and camping bag, then waits until he hears his parents’ footsteps fade into their room at the end of the hallway and the click of their door closing before springing into action.

For someone who loves being heard at nearly any given moment, he can be as silent as a mouse when he needs to be. He prowls down the hallway, careful to avoid obstructions like his dad’s CD rack and his mom’s work heels, not daring to even exhale until he reaches the front door. He opens it by a sliver and manages to slip himself and his bags through it at one go. When the door shuts behind him, it makes not even a peep.

Then, he runs.

* * *

Even if they weren't connected by a Bond, Makoto would be able to just tell there is something _off_ about Nagisa. For one, he has been oddly quiet ever since practice ended earlier. Normally, he would be bouncing all over the place to talk about his training or the new ice cream place at the station or anything under the sun, really. Makoto _would_ chalk it up to exhaustion—since Nagisa did suggest they increase the intensity of their training—but the yellow Bond is duller than it would be if Nagisa were merely worn out from a long day. In fact, he seems… _preoccupied,_ but Makoto can't place his finger on what exactly it is. Neither does he know how to broach the subject when it is clear Nagisa wants to be left alone, judging by how he's shuffling along by the side instead of nestling himself in the center of the group so everyone can hear him.

Rei, on the other hand, knows no such boundaries. “Nagisa-kun?”

Nagisa visibly startles before plastering on a smile that stretches just a little too wide. “Y—yeah? What's up?”

“What is the matter? You're spacing out an awful lot.”

“Even you're worn out, Nagisa?” Makoto asks gently.

Nagisa bobs his head up and down with too much vigour, even for him. “Oh yeah, even me, I guess,” he says, giggling nervously.

“You were the one who suggested we should train harder today, so how can you of all people be so worn out?” Rei points out with an exasperated tut.

Makoto is expecting Nagisa to laugh it off or turn the question back on Rei with a teasing quip as he always does, but it doesn't come.

“Even _I_ get tired sometimes!” Nagisa yells instead, his fists tightening by his sides.

Three pairs of footsteps falter to a halt. Makoto’s eyes widen, and he can feel Haru’s shock pulsating through the blue Bond.

“Nagisa-kun? Rei ventures with trepidation, like he is dealing with a frightened little animal.

Nagisa gasps, as if just realising what he just did. “A—ah! I'm sorry, Rei-chan! Oh, I think I left something in the club room.” He makes a show of patting his pockets and rummaging around his bag before pivoting on his heel. “You guys go on ahead without me! I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

And he dashes off before any of them can even get a word in.

Makoto shakes his head, torn between confusion and exasperation. “I feel like we’ve witnessed something similar to this before.”

Haru nods in agreement.

“What are you talking about?” Rei asks cluelessly.

Haru pierces him with a withering look. “Nothing.”

“Yeah,” Makoto reassures with a smile. “Still, didn't something seem weird about Nagisa?”

“Yes, indeed. I can't suggest how, exactly, but he is not his usual self,” Rei muses, adjusting his glasses. “What about Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai? What do you feel through your Bond?”

Makoto blinks in surprise before remembering that Rei now knows, thanks to Rin. “Oh, um… he seems—preoccupied? Stressed about something? Rei, did he say or do anything odd during class earlier today?”

Rei shrugs helplessly. “How do I put this…? He's acting even _more_ chipper and energetic than usual. And I mean at concerning levels. This is not Nagisa-kun merely on a sugar high after having consumed one too many candy bars from the convenience store. It seems more—forced, as though he's putting on a farce. At least it seems like that to me. Perhaps there is something he's intentionally withholding from us?”

“But what could he be hiding from us? He was perfectly comfortable telling us about his sexuality—” Makoto spots Rei’s ears go red, and he chuckles. “—so it can't be that.”

“So it’s something even more serious than liking guys,” Haru concludes.

Makoto wonders what on earth could be more serious than that in carefree, happy-go-lucky Nagisa’s world.

Since Nagisa told them to go on ahead without him, they continue walking down the path and speculating about Nagisa’s strange behaviour. Makoto is about to pitch a suggestion himself, when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Sorry, let me get this,” he mumbles as he fishes it out. 

Makoto blanches at the idea of confronting Nagisa so directly. Haru, who's peering at Makoto’s phone over his shoulder, clicks his tongue with similar disapproval.

“Tell him not everyone is an insensitive idiot like he is,” Haru mutters.

“Be nice, Haru,” Makoto scolds as he types out a response.

Makoto chuckles as he pockets his phone. That's so Rin of him.

But still. If Rin is able to feel Nagisa’s distress—preoccupation—stress— _whatever,_ then the situation must be a lot worse than Makoto initially suspected.

If only Nagisa would kick up a huge fuss, like he always does when the issue is about someone else.

* * *

Nagisa has made the right decision in going to Haru’s place. He can't go to Rei’s place because it’s too close to his and Rei has _parents_ at home, and similarly Makoto has adults at his home. Hence, Haru is his best bet since he lives alone and, more importantly, doesn't ask any questions.

Nagisa makes himself at home at Haru’s table while the man of the house bustles around in the kitchen to find snacks for them. Since he has Haru’s permission, Nagisa picks up the career questionnaire form that was left lying on the table, curious about what Haru has planned for his future.

_Free._

“That's very you, Haru-chan,” Nagisa giggles. But a new thought occurs to him, and his previous happiness slips through his fingers like fine grains of sand. “That reminds me, I should turn in mine too…" 

Haru sits down beside Nagisa and places a punnet of reddish-purple grapes beside a jug of barley tea, presumably for them to share. “Nagisa, have you thought of what you want to be?”

The question takes Nagisa by surprise, since Haru isn't the type to ask questions like this—or make any form of small talk for that matter, even with friends. Nagisa hastily covers up his surprise with an enthusiastic nod. “I wanna be a penguin keeper, or maybe an intrepid treasure hunter! It might be cool to be a diver too!” He smiles at the thought of bumping noses with cute little dolphins. “But since I also wanna travel the world, maybe I’ll be a tour guide. Hmm… it sure is hard to narrow your future down to just one thing, isn't it?”

Quiet fondness filters through the blue Bond. Haru regards him with a small smile. “Is that what you call a plan? But in your case, you could probably become anything you wanted.”

“Huh?” Nagisa reels in shock. Haru-chan definitely isn't the type to just throw compliments around like that, but Nagisa has learned that it’s because Haru just says whatever is on his mind and to him, that's the truth.

Nagisa suddenly feels like he is being scrutinised, what with all of Haru’s undivided attention on him. Hence, he does what he does best: turning the topic around so it’s no longer about him. “I think that applies more to Haru-chan, though.” Pride fills him as he adds, “I mean, you're good with your hands, you can cook like a gourmet chef, and you're even good at drawing! You're so lucky and talented, Haru-chan—you can do anything. Plus, you swim better than anyone, so you can totally go pro.”

An odd muddle of emotions emanate from the blue Bond this time—sadness, hopelessness, tiny flares of anger. It’s so potent Nagisa flinches like those emotions had personally attacked him.

“Haru-chan, are you okay? You feel kinda upset—”

“I'm fine,” Haru interjects curtly. "Just not interested.”

“Ehh?” Maybe Nagisa was just projecting his own hopelessness about his situation on to Haru’s Bond and got their emotions mixed up. He quickly covers it up and giggles. “Well, that sounds just like Haru-chan.” 

After all, Haru does what he wants when he wants, freely. Nagisa has no doubt Haru will be happy doing whatever he wants in the future after he graduates. 

Haru takes a sip of barley tea. “Well? Why did you come to my house so late at night?”

Nagisa recoils and scrambles for an excuse. “Huh?” What was the one he used when Haru caught him building a tent at the overlook upstairs last night? “Umm, well… I wanted to—to watch! The… the… I wanted to watch the Leonids—”

“That's in autumn, isn't it? That's what Rei said.” 

Nagisa freezes because _yeah,_ that was what Rei-chan said—how could he forget that? The longer Nagisa continues fumbling for a believable excuse, the narrower and narrower Haru’s eyes become.

“Nagisa, are you hiding some—”

Nagisa’s autopilot kicks in. “Ah! I guess I'd better go home now sorry for bothering you Haru-chan thank you for the barley tea!”

And he hightails it out of there, not waiting for Haru’s reply.

* * *

Nagisa tries going to Makoto’s place, but Haru catches him there. Together, like a pair of disapproving and worried parents, they bring him out to the stone staircase and sandwich him between them so he can't make a break for it again. They refuse to let him crash at either one of their places until he tells them why he ran away from home, but he begs and begs and even lowers his head to them, pleading to just let him stay because he _can't_ tell them the truth—it would devastate them if they knew his parents were trying to force him to quit the swim club and abandon them, and he knows firsthand how painful it is to be abandoned by your friends and he can't put them through the same grief, so please please _please_ would one of them just take him in with no questions asked.

Eventually, they relent—though not without some reluctance—and that is how Nagisa ends up in Haru’s living room once more.

He curls up on the tatami mat and stares vacantly out of the window into the warm summer night. The thin wooden door separates himself from his friends, and he listens quietly to Makoto and Haru talking about him. They really do sound like worried parents. Nagisa isn't sure whether he finds that comparison cute or scary.

The front door slams open because Haru doesn't believe in locking doors. Nagisa’s blood freezes in his veins when Rei’s distressed voice cuts through Haru and Makoto’s quiet discussion.

“What on earth is all this about Nagisa-kun running away from home?” he demands. He's panting hard, like he ran all the way here from his apartment.

Nagisa curls up tighter into himself. Rei-chan can't see him like this; Rei-chan _definitely_ cannot be allowed to know what's wrong. It would hurt him too much, and Nagisa can't bear for that to happen.

“Rei, calm down,” Haru orders.

Rei sounds like he has not calmed down when he all but shouts, “ _Where is Nagisa-kun?_ ”

“He's fine,” Makoto says, adopting his strict captain tone. “He's in the living room, but he refuses to tell us why he ran away. He must have left home yesterday, though, since he stayed over with Haru last night too.”

“I suppose that would explain why Nagisa-kun seemed to be behaving oddly today,” Rei speculates, and Nagisa curses himself for being such an open book that Rei, even without the Bond, could tell something was wrong.

“Now that I think about it, I don't know much about Nagisa’s home life,” Makoto says.

“It is the same for me,” Rei agrees.

“He doesn't talk about his parents,” Haru states plainly. “That could have something to do with this.”

Nagisa clenches his jaw. There is a very good reason why none of them knows. He can't complain about his parents to Haru because Haru had it far worse than he did. At least _his_ parents didn't experiment on him to try and make him a human weapon. Makoto wouldn't understand, coming from the perfect family with supportive parents and two younger siblings who worship the ground he walks on. And Rei wouldn't get it, either. His grades are stellar, so he wouldn't be able to put himself in Nagisa’s shoes. His friends are wonderful, but Nagisa has never felt more alone than he does now with more than just a thin wooden door separating them, and it’s only going to get worse if his parents really go through with making him quit the swim club.

The sound of _Baby Shark_ blaring outside startles Nagisa so badly he nearly topples into Haru’s table. That must be Rin-chan calling one of them. Nagisa knows this because he changed all their ringtones for Rin to _Baby Shark._ Rin threatened to strangle Nagisa when he found out, but Nagisa is still alive, so he thinks Rin must secretly like it.

“Hello, Rin?” Makoto says. Pause. “Um, the thing is… he's inside, I'm outside but—” Another pause. “Okay, hold on, let me put you on speaker first.”

Rin’s infuriated growl nearly blasts the door off its hinges. “What the hell is going on with Nagisa? Why is he so damn upset? Who do I have to kill? Tell them I have shark teeth and I'm not fucking afraid to use them.”

“Rin, calm down,” Haru sighs. “There's no one to kill.”

“Oh.” Rin sounds somewhat disappointed. “Then what's up if there's no one who needs to be killed?”

“No killing, Rin!” Makoto chastises. “He just ran away from home, but he refuses to explain why.”

“ _WHAT?!_ Why on earth would that dumbass—ugh, fuck curfew, I'm coming over to whack some sense into him.”

Rei’s voice could freeze over all seven seas when he says, “Please do not hit him, Rin-san. I'm sure we can deal with this without needing to resort to violence.”

“Pussy. Fine, whatever, I won't hit him but I'm still coming over. You guys are at Haru’s place, right?”

“Yeah,” Makoto confirms. “See you, Rin.”

After the phone call, the others hold a conference in hushed whispers and seem to come to a verdict, as the door soon bursts open. Each of them tries to coax Nagisa into talking, but he deflects each and every one of them with ease. For Makoto, he spins a tragedy about his parents forcing him to migrate to the super-continent of Pangaea because they have betrothed him against his will to the emperor's daughter, which Makoto falls for hook, line and sinker (never mind that Pangaea isn't even a real place anymore). It’s even easier to get Haru off his back—all Nagisa has to do is bribe him with half a year’s supply of canned mackerel. Rei proves to be a little more of a challenge, but Nagisa manages to weave an intricate mystery involving religious extremist cults, drugs, a cold trail of murders, and stolen cupcakes for him to solve. After successfully cracking the case, Rei saunters outside. He gloats to Haru and Makoto about how he managed to track down the perpetrator, only for Makoto to cry out, “ _What perpetrator?!_ ”

When Rin storms into the room, not even bothering with greetings in favour of trying to wrangle an answer out of Nagisa, it is more of a test of stubbornness combined with multiple attempts to piss Rin off into leaving him alone. Nagisa can feel the frustration spiking in the red Bond, but he refuses to budge. In a seeming last-ditch attempt, Rin shapeshifts into Rei—probably to emotionally blackmail Nagisa into finally spilling—but instead Nagisa _snaps._

“Don't use Rei-chan’s face like a mask!”

That's when the other three burst into the room, and poor Rei passes out where he stands when he spots Rin still disguised as him. Fortunately, Haru manages to revive him with several splashes of cool water to his face. When he comes to, Rin has shifted back to his usual form. He sheepishly apologises to Rei, which Rei accepts with an air of frazzled dignity.

Now that all cases of fainting and stolen identities have been settled, the others settle around the table with him.

Nagisa gets the feeling that the real reckoning is just about to begin.

* * *

“Just tell us what happened, Nagisa,” Haru says, too tired to deal with this crap.

“What caused you to run away?” Rei asks.

When Nagisa refuses to look at them, Makoto takes on the cajoling team mom tone. “C’mon, Nagisa, you're making us worry about you.”

“Yeah,” Rin says. Although his hair is a mess and his clothes rumpled from sleep, when he folds his arms across his chest and crosses one leg over the other knee he manages to cut a rather intimidating figure. “Don't you think it’s pretty selfish of you to demand a place to stay and not explain yourself when everyone's clearly worried out of their fucking minds for you? We’re just gonna assume the worst if you don't explain the situation yourself, you know, like your parents are beating you or something.”

Horror washes over Haru. His skin burns, scales lurking just beneath the surface and ready to rip through at a moment’s notice. Maybe they should have let Rin act on his bloodthirsty instincts earlier. Hell, Haru would voluntarily accompany Rin to tear anyone who dares lay a threatening hand on Nagisa to shreds. There won't even be enough of the person left to be buried once they're done.

Nagisa flinches, evidently sensing Haru’s murderous rage. “It’s nothing like that!”

“Then?” Rin prompts with an arch of his eyebrow, but Nagisa’s voice falters into silence.

Rei sighs, and the sound is hauntingly sad. “Nagisa-kun, do you honestly trust us that little?”

“No!” Nagisa gasps, horrified. His gaze drops from them to his lap, and his fists clench so tightly the knuckles start to turn white. “I—I’m sorry for making everyone worried. And… you're right. I should tell you the truth.”

Haru shifts closer, as does everyone else. Nagisa takes a deep breath, then explains everything—his dropping grades, his parents’ anger, and their attempts to force him to quit the swim club.

When he's done, Haru feels like he has lost his grip on the world. It spirals somewhere far out of reach, far out of where he can grab it, hold it close to him and never have to let it go. First Rei, and now _Nagisa_ is threatening to leave? Who else is next? Rin? Makoto? Hell, even Gou? Who the fuck else is going to up and leave him before he even gets to spend the pathetic remainder of his life with the few people who actually matter the most to him?

“Fucking hell,” Rin breathes out, aptly summarising Haru’s feelings about this matter.

“But of course I would never agree to that!” Nagisa attempts to reassure them. “All of us—we worked too hard to swim together for me to just leave you all behind like that. That's why… that's why I ran away from home.”

“But if that's the case, you just need to improve your grades, right?” Makoto suggests reasonably.

“That's right!” Rei exclaims, smiling at Nagisa. “I would gladly help you study. We do that practically every Sunday, anyway, so I’ll just have to prepare additional notes to help you understand the material better. So if we tell your parents that—”

“Once my parents tell me I can't do something, they'll never allow it.” Nagisa’s eyes are hollow, _haunted,_ as he continues glaring at his lap.

Rei’s smile wavers. “But—but I'm sure if we just explained the situation to them clearly—”

“I'm _telling_ you, they just won't listen so why are none of you listening to _me?_ ”

A stunned silence falls over the room. Haru feels like Nagisa’s words have taken physical form and punched the air out of his lungs.

Rei’s tone is small and wounded as he calls, “Nagisa-kun?” 

Rin lets out a low whistle. “That bad, huh?”

Nagisa nods, his breath hitching with the effort.

“But you can't go on living like this, either, right?” Makoto says soothingly, like he's trying to coax a scared and injured animal out of hiding.

Nagisa nods again, this time with more reluctance. “Yeah, I get that but…”

“Nagisa-kun, were you thinking that if you don't go home, your parents would eventually acknowledge your swimming?” Rei asks. His voice is as sharp as an arrow and hits the mark with as much precision as one.

Nagisa flinches. “Yeah, that's… that's what I was thinking.”

“That's dumb as hell—”

“Rin,” Haru interjects, and Rin huffs and flips him off but falls silent.

Rei continues as if Rin’s interruption didn't occur. “Were you really, _honestly,_ thinking they would give you their blessing because of that? If you want their approval, aren't there much better ways to get it? And let’s propose you _did_ obtain their approval with such a method—could you _really_ swim at your best after that?!”

“Hey, that's what _I_ was about to say but less long-winded,” Rin grumbles.

“Can't you shut up for just a minute?” Haru snaps.

Makoto sighs, then places himself between the two fronts of arguments going on. “Haru, Rin, the both of you—shut up, please. Rei, that's enough. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?”

The four of them open their mouths to retort, but the chime of Nagisa’s phone cuts them all off. Nagisa wrenches his phone out of his pocket, and all the colour drains out of his face.

“What's wrong?” Makoto asks urgently.

Nagisa’s hands start to shake so badly he nearly drops his phone. “It’s my sister. She says Mom’s coming here to take me back home! Wh—what do I do?”

“What do you mean?” Makoto cries out, and green panic bombards the Bond.

“We haven't even come up with a feasible solution yet!” Rei frets.

“Fucking piece of dick shit,” Rin curses, punching the wall. “How does she even know where Haru’s place is—or where you are, for that matter?”

“I don't know, I don't know!” Nagisa wails, sounding like he's just seconds away from bursting into tears. “If—if I get dragged back now…”

 _They might not let him return,_ Haru realises. 

_And I won't have that._

Haru rises to his feet. “All of you, calm down. We need to go.”

“Go where?” Rin hisses. “It’s practically midnight!”

There really is only one place at this time of the night.

“To Iwatobi SC Returns. We have a spare key.”

* * *

The street is silent behind them and the building dark and devoid of life save for the five of them. Nagisa winces at the sound of his footsteps echoing through the deserted hallway of the swimming complex, as if his parents are hiding behind a trash can and waiting to snatch him back home.

“It’s just us, Nagisa,” Haru says. “If anyone sees us, we’ll cover you.”

“Yeah, you're small enough to hide behind us without being spotted,” Rin snorts in a thinly-veiled attempt to lighten the situation.

Instead, all Nagisa feels is guilt. He lowers his head in shame. “I'm sorry. I… I ended up dragging you guys into my mess.”

He did honestly try to keep them out of this—that’s why he was building the tent at the overlook upstairs from Haru and Makoto’s homes. It was far away enough from his home that it wouldn't be one of the first few places his parents would try to look for him, but he made too much noise trying to build the tent and Haru-chan caught him; then it all spiralled into this from there, and they could all get into trouble for helping him, especially Rin who _broke curfew_ just because he felt Nagisa’s distress through the Bond.

“A little late for that now,” Haru points out, a barely-there smile on his face.

Makoto pats Nagisa’s shoulder with his trademark gentle firmness. “We’re already a part of this and none of us would have it any other way.”

“We’re fucking ride-or-die all the way to the end, Nagisa,” Rin chimes in with a sharp smirk. “You don't get to show me a sight I’d never seen before and think I’d just let you get away so easily.”

Rei’s beam is the widest and brightest of them all, and it’s all for Nagisa. “That's right, so let us think of a solution together!”

Nagisa’s heart expands so much it threatens to burst out of his body. All this, all this love and concern and protectiveness—he doesn’t deserve it one bit, especially with how he kept running away from them, but a selfish part of him is glad that the turn of events has led to this.

At Makoto’s terrified insistence of not going down the dark hallway because there could be ghosts and he's a scaredy-cat who will use Haru as a shield from malevolent spirits if he has to, they decide to hide behind the front counters to brainstorm a plan.

“I still believe the only feasible solution is to get your grades back up and earn your parents’ approval,” Rei says, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Rin nods. “That's the most straightforward method. But Nagisa, how terrible are your grades that your parents cracked their shits this badly?” When the others stare quizzically at him, he explains, “Oh, Australian slang. Means to be pissed off as hell. Guess it doesn't translate well into Japanese, though.”

With some degree of sheepishness, Nagisa digs through his schoolbag and displays his test papers to them—a 41 for his math midterm test, a 55 for his Japanese grammar assessment and a 98 with a scribbled _Excellent!_ from his teacher on his history test.

“That's a pretty… _extreme_ gap,” Makoto mutters, while Rei’s soul seems to have fled his body after seeing Nagisa’s grades.

“Bloody hell,” Rin exclaims in a distinctly Australian accent, sounding impressed, “a whopping _98_ for history? That's amazing.”

Nagisa fidgets shyly. “I mean, I do like history so it’s not too bad.”

“The gap is truly absurd—it is no wonder your parents were so furious,” Rei says with a heavy sigh. “Though I suppose it is incredible in its own sense how you managed to produce such a wide array of results.”

“Wait, Nagisa.” Makoto turns to him, his eyebrows furrowed together. “Didn't you go to a private middle school?”

Nagisa’s posture stiffens. “Yeah, it was a prep school,” he mutters.

“And your grades weren't this bad last year, were they?” Rei presses. “So what happened, Nagisa-kun?”

Nagisa’s head lowers, and he has to force the next few words out through the tight constrictions of his chest. “That's because… I hate studying.”

“You _hate_ studying?” Rei’s tone practically drips with skepticism. “Are you sure you don't just lack the attention span?”

“It’s not like that. It really was—is hard on me.” Nagisa’s voice trembles along with his hands. “It was my parents who chose my middle school for me. They wanted me to go to a good university, get a good degree, then get hired by a good company. During middle school—” He takes a shuddering breath as he remembers the sheer isolation and _nothingness_ he felt in middle school, where he spent his days hunched over an endless tower of textbooks and worksheets, scribbling away until the lead in his pencil broke and he burned off half his eraser. “—I spent every single day studying. It was all everyone did, like we were just robots made to study all day long. There was nothing in my life that could be considered anything close to fun. Over time, I no longer understood what I was studying so hard for. From then on, studying became something painful for me. It was—torture. Absolute, mind-numbing torture. It’s so hard to do something just ‘cause someone else told you to and not ‘cause you _actually_ wanna do it, y’know?”

(A vague sense of recognition exudes from the blue Bond, like Haru somehow understands what Nagisa means. If Nagisa were less upset, he'd have the presence of mind to find it odd, because the Haru-chan he knows does whatever he wants, regardless of what other people think or say.)

“My parents—they hated seeing me like that, all miserable and pathetic and lonely, so they allowed me to enroll in Iwatobi High. That's why I could swim with you guys, ‘cause I couldn't live up to my parents’ expectations, unlike my sisters.” A bitter, self-deprecating smile burns at Nagisa’s lips. “All three of them were top students at the prep school I attended. All I heard while I was there was about the legendary Hazuki sisters who were the top of their cohorts, swept all the book prizes and were valedictorians. Every single teacher I had taught them before, and they were all like _'I have high expectations for you, Hazuki-kun'.”_

“That sucks,” Rin mutters, no doubt glad that Gou doesn't have to deal with any of that.

“Now, they all have or are gonna have amazing careers, just like my parents wanted them to. Natsuki-nee is a pediatrician with her own private clinic, Naho-nee is climbing up the corporate ladder to become a financial executive, and Nanako-nee is gonna graduate from law school soon. They all have what my parents wanted—good, steady, well-paying careers.

“But for me…” Nagisa shakes his head. “If I had stayed in that prep school any longer, I wouldn't have been able to survive the crushing loneliness I felt. Worse still, I would never have been able to swim.”

“But why Iwatobi High?” Haru asks. “If you just wanted to swim, you could've done it anywhere.”

Despite his fear and sadness and exhaustion from the two days, Nagisa giggles. He rises to his feet, paces forward, and turns around to face them with his first real smile that night. “That's obvious, isn't it? It was ‘cause I wanted to swim with Haru-chan and Mako-chan again. Then I met Rei-chan too, and swimming became even more fun.”

“Oi, I'm feeling kinda left out from this sappy love-fest,” Rin grumbles.

Nagisa laughs. “And Rin-chan too, of course! Swimming with you guys—it really makes me happier than I can say! That's why, when they told me to quit the swim club…” He lowers his head once more as anxiety takes his chest captive. “It was like everything I could see went dark. I thought it’d be like when I was in middle school all over again, when there was nothing in my life that was fun.”

“Nagisa-kun, do your parents know you feel this way?” Rei asks in a careful, searching tone.

And whatever little happiness Nagisa has in his small palms rapidly trickles away, and hopelessness sits upon its throne once more. “I doubt it. Even if I tried to tell them, I don't think they would listen.”

Rei frowns and Rin starts to say something, but the screeching of tires on the road outside cuts them off. The lobby of the SC is suddenly flooded with a light that definitely doesn't come from the ceiling above.

“Shit, someone’s coming!” Rin hisses, leaping to his feet and seizing Nagisa’s wrist.

“Could it be one of the club members?” Makoto whispers.

“But isn't this an odd time for someone to show up?” Haru points out. 

Rei’s eyes widen with horror. “Then… could it be Nagisa-kun’s parents?”

Nagisa freezes. He wants to say something, he wants to move, but no part of his body is cooperating with him right now—once more, the revolution of the earth around him is spiralling out of his control, and his stupid frozen self can't do anything but watch it disappear. 

Rin lets out a slew of curses to make even the most vulgar of sailors look like nuns. “Either way, we can't afford to dawdle. Let’s go!” 

* * *

After stumbling down through the hallway in near-total darkness (Nagisa’s flashlights gave up on them halfway through their journey), they take refuge in the locker room. Hidden behind the spray-painted lockers and his friends, this place is a haven for maybe five or ten minutes before footsteps thump ominously outside. The situation is so grave that Nagisa doesn't tease Makoto about ghosts, and Makoto doesn't immediately jump to that conclusion and try to use Haru as a cross to ward off evil spirits. None of them dares to even breathe when the pair of shoes stops outside their hiding spot, lingers there for the longest ten seconds of Nagisa’s life, before walking away.

They let out a collective sigh of relief, though not too loud in case the person/evil spirit hears them in the tomb-like silence of the building. Haru suggests they go deeper into the building, and they follow behind him.

Thank all the gods out there that the pool is empty. The only sources of light beaming into the complex are the moonlight and streetlamps outside filtering through the glass windows. Even if it’s so dark Nagisa can just barely make out the outlines of his friends, none of them dares to turn on the indoor lights—they can't risk giving themselves away after having come so far.

“I'm sure they wouldn't come this far inside, right?” Makoto pants, wiping the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead.

Nagisa nods while Rin mutters, “We’d better pray to every god in every pantheon out there. If the person comes here, we have nowhere else to run.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “You probably just jinxed it.”

“Oh yeah? Well, your _face_ is jinxed!”

“Come on, you two, is this really the time?” Makoto demands, exasperated.

Nagisa peers over Rin’s shoulder, where he spots Rei lingering behind the rest. His expression is unusually stormy and pensive, even for him.

Makoto notices this too. “Rei, what's wrong?”

In response, Rei marches forward to Nagisa until Nagisa can touch him if he lifts his hand.

“Nagisa-kun, there is one thing I would like to ask you,” Rei says, his tone sharp and clipped. “You said you haven't tried talking to your parents, correct?”

Silently, Nagisa nods. He doesn't like where this seems to be going.

“Then doesn't that mean you had given up on talking to them right from the start? About your life in middle school, about this, and about how you really feel—you had given up before you even tried, hadn't you?”

Nagisa recoils, feeling like Rei just slapped him hard across the face with a spiked club. Still, he doesn't say anything—he _can't._ He is Nagisa—local class clown, mood-maker, the chatterbox to end all other chatterboxes—and yet words refuse to come to him when he needs them to defend himself the most.

“Well?” Rei demands and grabs Nagisa's shoulders. “You gave up, didn't you?!”

“Hey, Rei, that's enough,” Makoto starts, but Rin holds up a hand to stop him.

“No, let him. Nagisa needs to hear it, and it might as well be from Rei.”

Rei’s hands on his shoulders feel like chains shackling Nagisa to the spot. He wants to run, just like he has always done, but he knows Rei and the others could easily catch up to him—downsides of being the smallest in the group. In a last-ditch attempt to defend himself, he mumbles, “That's… that's not true.”

“Then face forward and speak honestly to them. Or—” Rei’s gaze seems to pierce right through all of Nagisa’s layers of defense, right to the core of his soul. “—are you going to give up this time too?”

Nagisa grits his teeth. Backed into a corner with a thick lump constricting his throat, all he can do is lash out. “Rei-chan, you could never understand! You could… you could _never_ understand how trapped and lonely and miserable I felt! You always got outstanding grades and never had to worry about your parents’ approval—you could _never_ understand how I feel!”

 _Go away,_ he wants to plead. _It’s too painful—I can't hear this. I don't want to hear this. Don't do this to me, Rei-chan, just go away._

Rei’s hands remain steady on Nagisa's shoulders even as Nagisa shakes with barely suppressed tears. “You are right, Nagisa-kun. I don't understand how things are at your home. Our situations are vastly different, and I acknowledge that.

“But what I do know is that I want all of us to swim together. In that respect, I feel the same way as you. I understand your feelings when it comes to swimming with your friends. Or are your feelings something you can give up so easily on?”

Nagisa gasps; this time, Rei used that spiked club to hit him in the gut. “Of course not!”

Rei’s smile is wide, gentle, and overflowing with love. “I believe that you're a person who never gives up.” A wry chuckle escapes him. “Because, despite all the times I rejected you, you kept relentlessly hounding after me until I joined the swim club.”

_Why doesn't Rei-chan leave even after I tried pushing him away so many times?_

Nagisa doesn't understand. He doesn't understand all this love and kindness everyone has shown him tonight even when he has given them nothing but trouble. 

But at the same time, he thinks he's starting to find something akin to resolve. His friends are all fighting so hard for him; Haru-chan didn't have to open up his home to Nagisa but he did. Mako-chan and Rei-chan could get into trouble with their parents for staying out this late and entering a building long after it’s closed. Rin-chan is risking his captainship, his place in Samezuka not just as a swimmer but as a student, by breaking curfew just to try and knock some sense into Nagisa. None of them needed to get involved, and they could all just run from it all, but instead they've chosen to fight for him.

And after all that, Nagisa can't let them down.

The tears finally break free. “I don't want to give up, either!" he declares through his sobs. "I want to continue swimming with everyone, and I want to make my own decisions for myself!”

At once, relief pours through the blue, green and red Bonds, wrapping around Nagisa like an embrace he desperately needs right now.

As for Rei, his hands have remained on Nagisa’s shoulders, no matter how much Nagisa shouted at him or trembled or tried pushing him away. He regards Nagisa with a proud smile. “Then we shall all go now, together, to talk to your parents. We’ll come up with a foolproof, logical approach and—”

The sound of a trash can toppling over resounds outside in the hallway.

“Fuck, they followed us this far?!” Rin curses.

“What do we do?” Rei cries out, on the verge of panicking. “We haven't even thought of a plan yet!”

“You have to hide, Nagisa,” Haru says urgently.

“I told you guys, there's no place to hide beside a pool!” Rin explodes.

Makoto spreads his feet apart in a protective stance. “Nagisa, hide behind me. Hurry!” 

The other three join Makoto on either side, flanking him to form a blockade between Nagisa and their pursuer. Concealed behind them, Nagisa has never felt smaller or more helpless.

“If worse comes to worst, I’ll shapeshift into Nagisa and go along with them to buy you guys some time,” Rin hisses. “But you guys better come up with a plan quick, ‘cause I’m _not_ eating all the sweet garbage Nagisa stuffs himself with.”

“Rin-chan,” Nagisa tries, his voice weak, “you don't have to—”

“Don't worry, Nagisa-kun, we _will_ think of something,” Rei says fiercely. 

“So just stay hidden, okay?” Haru adds. A faint outline of scales forms just beneath the topmost layer of his skin. “We won't let anyone take you away from us.”

Nagisa’s eyes widen. The extent of just how far his friends would go for his sake is now starting to truly sink in. He doesn't deserve them one bit. 

“Thank you, everyone,” he whispers.

_But I won't run away anymore. I can't have you guys keep fighting my battles for me—you’ve all done more than enough._

Nagisa pushes his way through them, his eyes locked on the door ahead. Cries of “Nagisa?!” and “We told you to stay hidden, dumbass!” ring out around him, but he ignores them and continues forging onwards until he is at the front of the group, facing the door where his parents must be on the other side.

Nagisa takes a deep breath, then lets the words spill out of him in one pleading cry.

“I've been holding back a lot for a long time! I was never able to say everything I wanted to. I've always done what you told me to, and I've never enjoyed _any_ of it. But that's because I was weak. All I did was run away from facing you, Mom, Dad, 'cause I had given up on myself before I even tried! That's why… that's why I don't want to run away anymore. Mako-chan, Haru-chan, Rei-chan, Rin-chan—these are my friends, and I want to swim with them! That's why—” He marches forward to the door and grabs the handle. “I want you to _listen_ to—”

He wrenches open the door.

But it’s not his parents on the other side.

“ _Ama-chan-sensei?!_ ” Makoto exclaims in disbelief.

All Nagisa can do is gape as Ama-chan fixes him with a stern frown.

“Hazuki-kun, there is a saying that goes _‘The child knows not the parents’ heart.’_ ” But her harsh expression softens into a gentle smile. “Your parents are very worried about you. Please go home.”

It’s all too much for Nagisa to handle. First his friends went above and beyond just to help a coward like him, then the one figure of authority who should be chewing him out for his foolishness has shown him kindness instead.

He dissolves in another wave of tears as he bobs his head in what he hopes is a nod. Behind him, he distantly hears Makoto say, “C’mon, Rin, don't cry!”

“I'm not crying!” Rin snaps, though his choked-up voice betrays him. 

“Sorry, I couldn't find the right time to come out,” Ama-chan says sheepishly. “There was so much you boys seemed to want to say, so I waited until there appeared to be a lull in the conversation.”

“But, Sensei, how did you even know where we are?” Rei asks, frowning.

“I called her,” Haru answers.

“Yes, Nanase-kun called me earlier to ask that I let you boys take care of Hazuki-kun.”

“Haru!” Makoto gasps. Nagisa doesn't even have to turn around to know Makoto is staring at Haru like he hung the moon and all its accompanying stars.

“What?” Haru mutters.

“You couldn't have told us earlier?” Rin demands.

Haru scowls. “It’s not like I knew who it was that came in earlier.”

“Still, it _would_ have been useful if you had told us you _called your teacher._ ”

Haru just continues scowling at the wall by way of answering.

Nagisa’s smile grows wider even as it wobbles with tears; Haru-chan always knows what to do to save the day.

“Hazuki-kun, tell your parents how you feel honestly,” Ama-chan suggests. “If that still does not work, we will all think of a plan together.”

Nagisa nods, now with newfound determination. “Okay, I will!”

“Then let’s go,” Makoto says. He slings Nagisa’s camping bag over his shoulder while Haru picks up Nagisa’s schoolbag.

Nagisa freezes. “Eh?”

Rin nudges his ribs. “Go on. You're gonna talk to your parents, aren't you?”

“I mean, yeah, but…”

Rei shakes his head with fond exasperation. “We’re saying that we will be accompanying you, Nagisa-kun. We can't allow our swim club to lose a member now—especially not the one who pestered and cajoled me into joining.” Even under the dim lighting, Nagisa can tell his cheeks have gone pink. “I won't just let him leave so easily.”

“Quit flirting and get a move on it already," Rin snaps, tapping his foot impatiently. “If we’re any slower, we’ll miss the last train and nationals would be over by the time we reached Nagisa's place on foot.”

Laughter bubbles with its natural ease as Nagisa hurries after his friends. “Hey, wait for me!”

* * *

They find his parents standing by the door, their arms folded and their faces twisted with worry.

When Nagisa emerges with his friends in tow, however, all tension in them dissolves, and they rush forward to bring him into a crushing embrace.

“Sweetie, thank goodness you're alright!” his mother exclaims. She pulls away from the embrace and scrutinises him from head to toe, as if to check him for injuries. 

“What on _earth_ was going through your head when you ran away?!” his father demands. “Do you have any idea how worried your mother and I were?”

Before he loses his nerve, Nagisa blurts out, “Mom, Dad, I have something I've been wanting to tell you but I've been holding back for too long—that I _need_ to tell you.” He lowers his head to them. “Please, _please,_ just listen to me! I won't ask for anything else, I’ll do all the chores you want, just please…”

Alarm crosses his mother’s face. “Sweetheart, you don't have to beg. Of course we’ll listen to you.”

“What is it, son?”

For a moment, old fear threatens to seize him again, nearly causing him to falter. _They won't listen, they won't care, don't tell them anything._

But then he remembers—he isn't alone. He has Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Rin-chan and Rei-chan behind him, and he draws his courage from his friends.

“I want to stay in the swim club! Because… because I really love swimming! In middle school, I was miserable every single day when the swim club closed down, ‘cause I didn't have my friends to swim with anymore. Back in elementary school, it was tough to meet your expectations, but at least I had my friends who I could swim with every week at the SC. I had lots of fun with them. But without them, without anything that could be called fun in middle school, I was miserable. I didn't know what I was studying so hard for—whether it was because I wanted to or because _you_ wanted me to. If you make me quit the swim club now, my life would just go back to the way it was—completely dark and miserable and…” He chokes up, but he can't stop the words from leaving him. “And lonely. Back then, I felt abandoned, and now I don't want to be the one who abandons them. That's why I want to continue swimming with Haru-chan and Mako-chan and Rin-chan and Rei-chan. Especially Rei-chan, because Rei-chan… he's _special_ to me!”

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, alarmed, “you don't have to tell your parents that if you're not ready yet—”

“You were the one who told me to be honest about my feelings to my parents!”

“Well, _yes,_ but I was referring to your feelings about the _swim club_ —”

“And Rei-chan is a very important part of that!” Nagisa insists with a ferocity that surprises him. “If I'm gonna tell my parents about my feelings, I'm gonna tell them about _everything_ and that includes you, Rei-chan!” He turns back to his parents, lifting his chin in an attempt to look bold, but his knees shake too hard for it to be believable. “Rei-chan is a very, _very_ important part of my life. I never had a Rei-chan before I met Rei-chan, and I can't bear to lose him. So even if you say it’s—it’s not _normal_ or you don't want a son who's gay, I won't leave Rei-chan! I won't leave the swim club ‘cause I wanna swim with my friends, and I won't leave Rei-chan ‘cause I want to be with him!”

His parents blink, nothing short of stunned. Nagisa’s breaths are short and heavy. His hands are clenched so tightly they're starting to go numb. Despite his bravado and all the adrenaline and his friends lined up like a guard of honour behind him, he is afraid. They're his parents, and they can easily kick him out if they don't want a son who fails to meet their academic expectations _and_ is gay—and he is afraid. _Terrified_ to death.

But then his mother steps forward and brings him into a tight hug. “Thank you for opening up to us, darling. The truth is, your father and I—we’ve been worried about you for a long time. At your age, most teens would start to rebel, but you always did everything we told you. So when you ran away, we figured it really was only a matter of time.”

His father joins the embrace too. “We’re sorry you felt like you couldn't tell us anything, son.”

“But it was my fault—I gave up on myself before I even tried,” Nagisa protests.

“And as your parents, the ones who raised you, we have to bear responsibility for that,” his mother says firmly. “Sweetie, you have nothing to be afraid of, okay? You can talk to us about anything.”

“If you feel that strongly about swimming—”

In a panic, Nagisa cries out, “I do!”

His father ruffles his hair. “If that's how you feel, we’ll allow it but under two conditions: you cannot allow club activities to interfere with your studies. You must continue studying hard, and we have to see that manifest in your grades.”

Nagisa nods. “I have Rei-chan to help me with that. What's the second?”

“Since you have such strong feelings about swimming, you'd better make it to nationals,” his mother says, patting his shoulder. “If you do, we will definitely be there to cheer you on. Maybe we’ll even get your sisters to take some time off to support you.”

Nagisa makes a face, and his mother chides him, “Your sisters really do love you deep down, Nagisa.”

“I want Nanako-nee there,” Nagisa pouts. “She's the nicest to me.”

His mother smiles at him with a rare indulgence. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“And about Rei-kun,” his father adds. “Of course you can be with him.”

Instantly, Nagisa’s entire world lights up. “Really?!”

“It doesn't bother us whether you like boys or girls or whatever gender, as long as you're happy and safe,” his mother explains. “Rei-kun makes you happy, doesn't he?”

“He does! Rei-chan is the best!”

“I see where my status in Nagisa’s life as a non-boyfriend is,” Rin grumbles.

Haru nods gravely. “I see it too.”

“Come on, Haru, it’s not like we’re any better,” Makoto points out.

“Oh hell, you two do _not_ get to complain about being third-wheeled by Nagisa and Rei.”

Cutting off the ensuing argument, Nagisa’s father sweeps past Nagisa to where Rei is and sizes him up. 

“You heard that, boy?” his father demands with a glower so fierce it would put the strictest of military commanders to shame. “You'd better treat my son right, got it? Or there will be _hell_ on earth to pay.”

Rei goes pale under the orange lights. “Y—yes, sir! I will treat Nagisa-kun with the utmost care and respect.”

“As for you boys,” his mother says, taking in the others’ sweaty and disheveled appearances, “it’s late and I doubt there are any trains running at this time. Would you like to spend the night here? You can take our elder daughters’ rooms since they've already moved out.”

Rei bows low at the waist. “Thank you for your kind offer, ma'am, but my home is not terribly far. I can walk back.”

Makoto and Haru share a look before Makoto speaks, “Haru and I have our own, um, transport arranged.”

Her eyebrows lift. “You already have your driver’s license?”

“Um, not really, it’s… it’s just—”

Haru’s eyes narrow, and he turns to Nagisa. “Nagisa, do your parents know?”

Nagisa blinks, clueless. “About?”

Haru makes some vague gestures with his hands. “You know, the thing that happened six years ago.”

When the realisation hits him, Nagisa gasps and promptly pales. This time, he wasn't _intentionally_ hiding it from them; he kinda just forgot about telling them since he hardly used his powers anyway, so for the most part there was nothing out of the ordinary in his life that he thought he needed to tell his parents.

Rin smacks his forehead. “Well, it’s getting late and that's a whole other conversation on its own, so just tell them another time, okay? Let us know if you need us there to back you up again.” He clears his throat and addresses Nagisa’s mother. “As for my own transport, I've got that covered too.” He gives Haru a meaningful look, who responds with a scowl. “Look man, I've got training tomorrow morning and I'm the captain. I already broke curfew—I can't afford to be caught falling asleep during training on top of that.”

“That was your choice,” Haru mutters. “And don't treat me like your personal taxi.”

Nagisa giggles. No matter how much Haru complains, Nagisa knows he will swim Rin back to Samezuka through the river anyway because Haru-chan loves them lots.

“Nagisa, come inside,” his father says. “It’s past midnight already and you have school tomorrow.”

“Wait!” Nagisa yelps. “Just—just five minutes, okay?”

His father opens his mouth to protest, but he seems to remember something and closes it. His parents give his friends a wave before disappearing back inside their home.

Once they're out of earshot, Nagisa bows to his friends. “Everyone, thank you! Thank you for—for _everything._ I love all of you lots and lots and lots!”

“Just glad everything worked out, kid,” Rin says gruffly.

Makoto’s smile falters, though. “Nagisa, something you said just now—you said you felt abandoned? When we left the SC?”

Nagisa’s cheeks flare with redness; in the heat of the moment earlier, he forgot his friends were there and listening to every word that came tumbling out of him. “Um, uh, I mean—kinda? But only a little! Just—just kid stuff, you know?”

“Still, you felt abandoned,” Haru points out, looking off to the side. 

“Yeah, shit, I didn't realise you felt that way,” Rin groans. “I should have written more to you, Nagisa. Fuck, I'm so sorry.”

“We should've done more to keep in touch with you so you didn't feel so lonely in middle school,” Makoto says, and Haru nods. “We were inconsiderate in not thinking about how you felt. Sorry, Nagisa.”

Nagisa’s eyes sting with fresh tears. “I mean it, it really is okay! It’s all in the past. What matters is that we get to swim together now, right? And now we have Rei-chan so we can compete against Rin-chan and his friends!”

A smirk curls around Rin’s mouth. “Hell yeah, we are. Prepared to get your asses _smashed_ at prefecturals.”

Haru lets out a long-suffering sigh but otherwise doesn't comment. 

“But really.” Nagisa can feel his expression soften as he looks at each and every one of them. “You all did so much just to help me. It makes me really, _really_ happy. Thank you.” 

The atmosphere is starting to get heavy, so Nagisa decides to lighten it by attaching himself to Rin’s arm. “Rin-chan," he coos, head-nuzzling Rin's bicep, "I can't believe you broke curfew and ran out of Samezuka just to come here for me! That's _so_ sweet of you!”

“Of course I would, dumbass,” Rin says with a scowl. “You're my friend. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it is.”

“Rin-chan said we’re ride-or-die too!”

Rin’s face turns red as his hair. “Wh—whatever! You're not the only so don't feel special. _All_ of you are ride-or-die, alright?!”

Rei smiles, Makoto chuckles and Haru rolls his eyes but doesn't protest the idea.

Breaking the moment, though, Rei clears his throat. “Um, I would like some privacy with Nagisa-kun, if everyone is okay with that.”

He doesn't have to elaborate. Immediately, the others disperse with hasty goodbyes tossed over their shoulders. The corridor is left deserted except for Rei and Nagisa under the warm orange lights and moths fluttering around said lights for warmth.

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa ventures hesitantly.

Rei wraps Nagisa up in his arms and kisses the top of his head. “I'm glad you were finally able to be honest with your parents, Nagisa. I am incredibly proud of you.”

Nagisa’s heart flutters at the lack of honourific. After asking Nagisa for his permission (which he gave with zero hesitation or reservation), Rei now drops the ‘kun’ when it’s just the two of them together. While it is something to adjust to, Nagisa can't say he protests this.

He buries his face against Rei’s chest, letting Rei’s polo shirt absorb the remainder of his tears. “Thank you for being there with me, Rei-chan. You're the bestest.”

“Of course I'd be there for you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I wasn't?”

There's that word: _boyfriend_. Nagisa’s heart races and flutters and then soars far above where he can reach to grab it. And he doesn't want to, anyway, because it is irreversibly and unregrettably Rei-chan’s. He lifts his head and rises up on his tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend (his _boyfriend!_ ), and Rei leans into the kiss. His arms pull Nagisa so close to slide his tongue deeper into Nagisa’s mouth, not even air can pass between their bodies.

Nagisa is just barely able to pull away for air before Rei is bending to cover his lips again. Rei’s hands roam all over Nagisa's body, his mouth sucking and gently biting and lavishing Nagisa with sweet, loving kisses over and over again—on his mouth, lowering to his jaw, even dipping to form a neat line of kisses down the side of his neck.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa gasps. All he can do is softly whisper Rei’s name, his fingers getting lost in dark blue hair, as the skin on his neck grows hotter where Rei’s lips land.

Breathlessly, Rei rises back up to look at Nagisa, and the tenderness in his eyes makes Nagisa melt where he stands.

“It—it’s getting late,” Rei mutters, his face as red as Nagisa’s feels. “I should probably get going.”

“You could always stay the night,” Nagisa suggests coyly.

“Now that your parents know we’re in a romantic relationship, there is no logical way they would allow us to share a room.” Rei shakes his head, though a smile teases at his lips. “Goodnight, Nagisa.”

Nagisa beams up at his wonder of a boyfriend and tiptoes to plant a smooch on his cheek. “Goodnight, Rei-chan!”

Rei presses a chaste kiss to Nagisa’s forehead before leaving with a wave over his shoulder. Nagisa is left standing outside his home, dazed like his entire world has been uprooted and spun around before being settled in a better place than before.

And his hands—his small hands which have trembled and clenched into fists and opened up along with his heart over the course of the past two days—are now brimming with much more love than they can possibly hold on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed this, please kudos and comment if you can because those make my day :D 
> 
> this chapter was a bit of a fix-it because one thing that i wished had happened in canon was rin being there for nagisa during nagisa's focus episode, because like he's still part of the squad even if they're in different schools now. i mean, i get that logistically it would've been hard for him to be there with nagisa and the rest since samezuka is kinda far from haru's home, but still it would've been nice to see the full squad together.


	18. the gentle, familiar rush of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sure Haru-chan will figure out his path eventually. All we can do is support him like we always do.”
> 
> But for the first time, Makoto starts doubting if that is enough—because from all of Rin and Haru’s conversations that are private from the rest, as well as Haru's firm avoidance of talking about graduation, Makoto is starting to get a vague feeling that what path Haru’s going to embark on _is_ the thing he and Rin aren't telling the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> makoharu stans: your time is now. and sourin stans, fear not because there's some good old sourin here too. i've always been fascinated with the parallels and contrast between makoharu and sourin, so i wanted to explore that in this chapter. 
> 
> **TW:** a character gets a panic attack. please proceed with caution.

The thing is, Makoto has always known Haru was an incredible swimmer ever since the first time they swam together when they were barely toddlers. Their parents took them to the river by the neighbourhood shrine, and Makoto was simply captivated by the way Haru moved through the water like it was second nature to him—or perhaps that was where he was truly meant to be. When they first joined Iwatobi SC when they were nine and the other kids were watching Haru swim freestyle with a mix of awe and envy, Makoto could just about burst with happiness; Haru-chan was—still is—his pride and joy.

Even finding out Haru is a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid didn't change any of that. His parents might have given him his superpowers, but his beautiful swimming style—that’s all Haru. He gets an abundance of attention from just about anyone who watches him swim. Makoto has always been happy to let him have the limelight and cheer him on from the sidelines. That's their entire relationship—swimming alongside and quietly supporting each other.

But with all this talk about graduation and the future that has been going on since the start of his third year, Makoto has started to seriously consider what is in store for his and Haru’s futures. After all, their other friends seem to have an idea of what they want to do; Rin has known ever since he was a kid that he wants to become an Olympic swimmer to fulfill his late father’s dream, and along the way it has become his own dream too. According to Haru, Nagisa is considering a wide array of careers from penguin-keeping to treasure hunting to tour-guiding. Even Rei and Gou have thought about pursuing sports science and physical training respectively upon graduation.

As for Haru, he has not said even a peep about his plans for the future. Whenever the topic is brought up, he just mutters something about swimming and being free before disappearing off to take a dip in the pool. Makoto doesn't want to push him, either, since he knows between the two of them Haru is the stronger one—he’s capable of figuring it out on his own. Plus, Makoto knows that whatever Haru ends up doing, it’ll more likely than not have something to do with swimming because swimming _is_ Haru’s life. In fact, Makoto knows Haru is good enough to go pro if he wanted to.

As for himself, he doesn't know. The future is a murky expanse of nebulous question marks and numerous paths shrouded in thick fog. If he were to push his hands into it, he wouldn't even be able to make out the outline of his fingers. He has no clue what the future has in store for him—or rather, what he wants to _make_ of his future. Can he continue swimming alongside Haru wherever the future takes them, just like how they've been doing ever since they were toddlers? Or is it time for their paths to finally diverge after spending their entire lives together?

And if Haru _does_ go pro, he will be swimming alongside Rin, and they'll continue pushing each other to greater heights as they have always done. That is Rin’s connection with Haru—it’s vastly different from Makoto’s with Haru and he knows it. After all, Rin was the one who managed to get Haru back into competitive swimming after one chance encounter, not Makoto who was there by Haru’s side the entire time ever since he had quit, trying to just get Haru through each day of his apathetic funk.

Makoto knows that after years of friendship, he and Rin have carved their own respective places in Haru’s life. Makoto supports Haru, and Rin pushes Haru. 

But a part of Makoto wonders, _What if I can do that too? Push him, that is._

What if he could have had that connection with Haru all along and just never did because he was content to stay in the comfortable spot he has in Haru’s life?

All these swirling, murky thoughts have culminated in his decision to sign up for the 200-meter freestyle race alongside Haru. Makoto didn't know his reason for doing so at that time—he just had his intuition telling him he _needed_ to do this—and in hindsight he realises he's been aching with these questions all along. Everything is going to change after high school, after all, perhaps even in ways he isn't aware of.

That's why, when walking back home with Haru the day before the prefectural tournament, he stops in his tracks and waits for Haru to turn around before calling out.

“Hey, Haru… I have a request.”

Haru’s expression is carefully blank, but Makoto can feel the curiosity and confusion rolling off the blue Bond.

Makoto takes a shaky breath, but when he exhales determination steels his nerves. “In tomorrow’s 200-meter freestyle, I want you to race me for real.”

The silence and frown from Haru make Makoto more nervous than any possible backlash he thought he would be getting. For the longest stretch of seconds he has ever experienced, Haru just stares at Makoto with that unreadable expression like he's trying to peer right into Makoto’s soul. Nevertheless, Makoto stands his ground because he needs this. He needs to know what lies in store for both their futures, if they can continue swimming together like they have always done—and if perhaps, on some miraculous off-chance, he can push Haru the way Rin does so effortlessly.

Finally, Haru asks, “Why? Why did you suddenly decide you wanted to compete in freestyle? Do you want to compete against me that badly?”

“When the summer tournaments end, we third-years will have to retire from club activities,” Makoto says, a sad smile spreading across his face. “So before that, I wanted to have a real race with you, since we normally swim in different individual events and don't get to compete.”

“Why do you swim? Not just against me, but in general—why?”

Makoto pauses and falters at the sight of Haru’s intense gaze. Those blue eyes that normally remind Makoto of the wide, freeing expanse of water now resemble the hottest part of a flame. It’s so intense he has to look down lest he gets burned. “I swim because I want to swim with you and all our friends. Like I said that night, if it’s with you guys then I feel strong and brave enough to swim anywhere. But…” Now, he looks up to meet Haru’s eyes head-on. 

“Tomorrow, I’ll be swimming to beat you.”

* * *

Ever since Makoto picked Haru up from his house to head to the stadium together, Haru’s Bond has been brimming with tension. This tension has only been accumulating as the various events go by until it’s practically palpable. He cheers his teammates on and celebrates all of their first-places in their individual events with his own brand of quiet elation, but Makoto can tell his mind is somewhere else. A small bout of guilt nags at him for distracting Haru, even though it’s the same for him. All night and all morning, the only real thing on his mind is his race with Haru later, which will be the deciding race of his lifetime.

When they’re changing in the locker room before their event, the air is electrified with a tense silence so uncharacteristic of them that Makoto almost wants to apologise for deciding to participate in the 200-meter freestyle too. But he won't, not this time, because he _needs_ to know. 

Instead, to break the silence, Makoto says, “Haru, you remember what I asked you yesterday?”

Haru’s eyebrows pinch together as if Makoto’s request is causing him physical pain, but he nods. “Yeah. Got it.”

His locker shuts with a resolute slam, and when he looks up, a steely look has taken over his features. Good, it looks like Haru is taking this as seriously as Makoto is, even if he probably doesn't understand why.

They head out to the pool in a single file. Anticipation buzzes through the yellow Bond as Nagisa hollers their names from the stands, while puzzlement emanates from the red Bond. Even without looking back at Samezuka’s stands, Makoto can feel Rin’s confused look burning into the back of his neck.

At the referee’s whistle, Makoto and Haru shed their Team Iwatobi jackets and take their spots on the starting blocks. He bends down to grip the block. When the final whistle blows, they soar into the water in near-perfect sync. 

Upon surfacing from the dolphin kick, the first thing Makoto notes is that there is no one in his immediate peripheral vision. That's right, he does have a stronger kick than Haru—he’s always put on muscle rather easily. He takes this to his advantage and starts pulling ahead of the rest.

During his training for this race, he knew it was important to pace himself. Unlike the 100-meter races, you can't go at full strength right from the start and blaze to the end because you would end up losing stamina halfway. With Gou’s help to come up with a training regimen, he trained to pace himself carefully so he would last all 200 meters.

But being in the water alongside Haru for real makes all that vanish from his head. All that’s going through his mind now is the _need_ to do his best, to find his answers, to win. He lashes at the water with all his strength, barely turning his head over the surface for longer than a split second before ducking back underwater. He's so laser-focused on maintaining his lead that he barely even registers the shock and worry from the red Bond, as well as the unusually subdued surprise from the yellow one.

During the first and second turns, he's the first to reach the wall. When he flips over for his third lap, Haru is still making his way to the wall under the starting blocks for his second turn.

 _Just one more lap._ _Just one last turn and I’ll win._

However, the consequences of forgetting his training is now starting to catch up to him. He doesn't realise he's losing steam until the wall comes into view. When he flips over to push himself off it, his body screams with the effort needed to turn itself over with the water resisting its every move. His arms start to feel like they have been filled with the world’s densest blocks of lead and his legs like someone has tied bricks to it. In his moment of weakness, he falters—and that is when Haru finally comes into view in the adjacent lane. 

Effortlessly, Haru flips over, coils his body up and springs off the wall, lunging ahead of Makoto. All Makoto can do is struggle to lift his arms for the next stroke, try his hardest to make his legs move despite the heaviness, and watch as Haru pulls further and further ahead. Still, Makoto stretches out his hand as if to try and grasp for Haru, but even the soles of Haru’s feet disappear from view.

With his entire body aching from exertion and lungs on fire, Makoto slaps his hands against the wall before up-righting himself. He's so winded he can't even muster the strength to look up at the scoreboard. He doesn't need to, though; even without the pride and delight coursing through the red and yellow Bonds, he just knows Haru has managed to clinch first place because he knows Haru.

A confusing muddle of emotions wrap around his heart, but bitterness is not one of them. Instead, elation flows through him—elation at getting to swim with Haru, and elation at finally getting his answers. But there’s also a tinge of wistful sadness, because he knows for sure now that he can't match Haru in the water.

The blue Bond practically screams with worry. In the midst of his bittersweet euphoria, Makoto is confused. What does Haru have to be worried about? 

A flash of a younger Rin on his knees, crying bitterly, zips through the Bond. It's followed by another flash of Rin wrenching himself away from Haru's hold to declare he's quitting swimming.

Makoto shakes against the wall. Something wet slips down his face, and he isn't sure if it’s pool water or a tear or perhaps a mix of both. Even after giving his all in a competition against Makoto whom he has never even competed with before in swimming, Haru’s top priority is making sure Makoto is okay.

Beaming, Makoto pulls away from the wall. “I lost!” he gleefully exclaims, and shock replaces the previous worry in the blue Bond. Still grinning from ear to ear, he turns to look at Haru, who’s looking back at Makoto with wide eyes and his mouth curved in a small ‘o’. Pride and affection flow through Makoto as he regards Haru, beautiful Haru of the water. “You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!”

Haru lets out a quiet sigh. “What are you talking about…”

But he doesn't snap at Makoto to drop the ‘chan’, so Makoto figures they're alright.

* * *

Makoto gets dressed in record time and hurries up to the stands just in time to watch Haru and Rin’s 100-meter freestyle race. 

Those two are really something else in the water. After the dolphin kick, they pull ahead of the competition with no trouble whatsoever. In fact, it’s like the rest of the world has disappeared. To Rin and Haru, it’s just them and the pool left, and all that matters is getting ahead of the other. It is times like these that Makoto feels like he's peering through a window into a world he has only seen from the sidelines but can never enter—because this is not _his_ world; this is not where he's meant to be. Haru and Rin shine the brightest when it’s the two of them in adjacent lanes, swimming against each other but more importantly, swimming _together._

When Haru comes in first a mere 0.02 seconds before Rin, words can't begin to quantify the immeasurable amounts of pride that bursts in him—but at the same time, it’s… it’s kinda lonely.

“Mako-chan.”

Nagisa’s sweet hum jars Makoto out of his thoughts. Blinking, he turns to Nagisa with a plastered-on smile. “What's up, Nagisa?”

Nagisa tilts his head. “Why did you want to race against Haru-chan?” 

And he asks this simple question with such an innocent yet astute honesty that Makoto can't dodge it. He could sidestep Haru’s question yesterday since it’s not like _them_ to confront things head-on. But in this sense, Nagisa and Rin are almost eerily alike—if they encounter something that captures their attention or if a sudden thought comes to mind, they’ll just go ahead and voice it with no fancy trimmings or beating around the bush.

So with nowhere to hide, Makoto decides Nagisa will be the first and only person he will be honest with regarding this situation.

“I wanted to try swimming a serious race against Haru,” he says with a small shrug that hopefully comes off as more casual than he feels. “I guess… I guess I was a little jealous of Rin.”

Nagisa hesitates for a split second, which is rather unlike him. “Jealous? Like Rin-chan’s gonna steal Haru-chan away from you?”

Makoto laughs and shakes his head. “No, not like that. Rin—well, he has a way of firing Haru up in a way no one else, y’know? Like, Haru’s passion for competitive swimming was reignited after one chance encounter with Rin last year. I guess… I guess it bothers me a little that there's something I couldn't—I can't—do for Haru. But it’s okay!” he adds hastily when he spots the worried look on Nagisa’s face. “It’s just something I've accepted. I'm glad—I really am—that Haru has someone who can motivate him when it comes to swimming. It’s just…”

He trails off. Now that he has his answers, he has come to terms with the fact that his path in the future may be diverging from Haru's since competitive swimming—or any form of serious long-term swimming, for that matter—isn't shaping up to be the path for him. However, this also means he still has to figure out what to make of his own future. He joined Iwatobi SC all those years ago only if Haru would because he thought it would be pointless to swim without his Haru-chan, but he knows things can't go on like this for ever; he has to forge his own path now, even if that path won't connect directly to Haru’s anymore.

“Mako-chan?” Nagisa calls hesitantly.

It wouldn't be fair to weigh Nagisa—who has his own studies, family, and relationship with Rei to manage—down with his issues, so Makoto smiles reassuringly. “It’s nothing.”

He turns his attention back to the pool, where Rin and Haru are chatting by the poolside. The sight gives him some déjà vu as he realises that lately—specifically, after last year’s relay at regionals—those two have been speaking a _lot_ in private. Haru doesn't tell Makoto what he and Rin talk about, and Makoto doesn't ask because he figured Haru would tell him if Haru thought it was important he knew. 

But seeing this now makes him feel like he is watching them through a warped, noise-cancelling looking-glass, and he doesn't know why.

“It kinda feels like Rin knows something about Haru that we don't, doesn't it?” he murmurs. 

Makoto is expecting Nagisa to laugh it off and tease him about overthinking, so it takes him by surprise when instead Nagisa replies, “And not just in the swimming sense, right?”

Though taken aback by Nagisa's astuteness, Makoto manages a nod.

“Well…” Nagisa chews at his lower lip, as if in deep contemplation. “Haru-chan and Rin-chan aren't the type to hide things for no reason. They know we can feel, like, their stuff through the Bond—so if they’re still trying to hide something even though they know that, they probably have a good reason why. If they thought it was important and we should know, they’d tell us. But I think there’s nothing to worry about. Plus, people are allowed to have their secrets. Besides—” Nagisa gives Makoto an atypical look of shrewdness that's a stark contrast to his otherwise adorable features. “—I’m sure Haru-chan will figure out his path eventually. All we can do is support him like we always do.” He finishes his speech off with a beam like a ray of sunshine.

But for the first time, Makoto starts doubting if that is enough—because from all of Rin and Haru’s conversations that are private from the rest, as well as Haru's firm avoidance of talking about graduation, Makoto is starting to get a vague feeling that what path Haru’s going to embark on _is_ the thing he and Rin aren't telling the rest.

* * *

After Haru’s race, Makoto finds him in the changing room, taking his own sweet time to dry his hair. He's the only one in the room—Rin must have left earlier to cheer his teammates on. Haru’s gaze is fixed on the mirror inside the locker, even when Makoto stops by his side and offers him a smile in greeting.

“You were amazing today, Haru,” Makoto says warmly. “You got first place not only in the 100-meter _free_ but also in the 200-meter _free._ You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan.”

That gets Haru to look at him, and it’s with his trademark scowl. “Drop the ‘chan’ already.” Ah, there it is. “And it’s not a big deal. I swim because I want to, not to win.”

“Even so, I saw some scouts in the stands. I bet some of them will even start contacting you!”

Makoto is expecting a nonchalant shrug and a mutter that he didn't care about scouts or whatever—but instead Haru’s shoulders go rigid like Makoto has pressed a gun to the back of his head. 

Makoto’s proud smile falters. “Haru, if you get scouted, what will you do?”

“I won't really do anything.” There is an air of finality to Haru’s statement, but Makoto presses on.

“Does that mean you'll decline?”

Haru blows out a long sigh from his nose like this conversation is too much effort on his part. “It doesn't matter whether they contact me or not. I swim because I want to.”

Makoto makes a small sound, almost saying something, but quickly cuts himself off before the words escape him. When Haru spears him with a sharp look, Makoto coughs and waves his hand in a vague gesture that yes, he's okay and no, he is not gonna overstep his boundaries today. Haru’s eyes linger on him, as if trying to detect traces of untruth. But then he sighs again and resumes the drying of his hair. Makoto relaxes enough to let his thoughts wander. 

Up to now, he has always accepted Haru’s _'_ _I don't care about wins or losses or timings'_ attitude because he knows Haru is different from Rin. Rin is the one who cares about those things, since he's the one aiming to swim on the international level and he needs to be the absolute best of the best in order to reach that stage. That doesn't seem to be Haru’s aim and that's fine—it really is.

But with graduation around the corner, Makoto doesn't know how much longer Haru can keep not discussing his future. They have mandatory career guidance counselling with Amakata-sensei once to twice a month. There is also no shortage of university outreach teams giving presentations and opening booths to talk about university options and whatnot. Yet Haru skips the presentations, doesn't pay attention when Makoto drags him to the booths since Makoto doesn't want to go alone, and doesn't tell Makoto anything about what he discussed with Amakata-sensei in their meetings. Makoto knows Haru is entitled to his privacy like Nagisa said earlier, but they have always confided in each other about everything… 

Or so Makoto thinks, until he remembers Haru didn't tell him about his parents experimenting on him or his race against Rin that made him quit competitive swimming. 

_But those times were different,_ Makoto tries to argue with himself. Haru didn't know when he was a kid that his parents experimenting on him shouldn't have been his idea of a normal everyday life; and as for Rin's loss to him, he probably thought it wasn't his place to tell Makoto about it because of how badly humiliated Rin had felt. 

But graduation—it's different and _important_. Makoto is sure Haru knows this so why does he keep avoiding the subject like it's the plague? 

For a moment, he considers bringing this up, but ultimately he holds himself back. He isn't one to talk, after all—his own post-graduation plans are still a gigantic foggy question mark hanging in the air. Besides, Haru is far better at making decisions than Makoto is; he’ll figure it out when the time comes.

“What is it, Makoto?” Haru asks. His eyes are narrowed like he heard everything that went through Makoto’s mind just moments ago. At the very least, he must have felt Makoto’s worry through the Bond.

Makoto forces a smile. “Nothing. I’ll see you outside.”

* * *

The walk back home is quiet after dinner with the team at Iwatobi SC. It’s a different sort of silence from this morning, which was buzzing with pre-competition nerves and Haru’s own conflicted feelings about racing Makoto. Makoto seems more at ease now—all smiles and chuckles during dinner—but Haru can't stop thinking of what he felt from the green Bond during and after his race with Rin. He has never felt Makoto be this… this sad, or conflicted, or longing or _whatever._ He still remembers his new year’s resolution to make sure the ones most important to him are happy before he leaves, so he decides to act on it.

If only his skill with words could match the strength of his resolve. 

“Makoto.” His voice cracks on the last syllable. Makoto chuckles but smothers his laughter with a fake cough when Haru glares at him. His voice, though not cracking anymore, is still awkward and rushed when he carries on despite the sheer _weirdness_ of what he's about to say because he _never_ says shit like this. “Makoto, you're you—you’re the only one of you. And that—that’s enough for me. Um. One Rin in my life is more than what I can handle, honestly. He's kind of a pain in the ass sometimes—all the time, actually. But enough about him—what I want. Is. Uh.” He fixes his eyes on the grains of white sand lining the old weathered road so he doesn't erupt into flames from looking at Makoto. “A Makoto who hides behind me when scared of ghosts—that’s what I want. And a Makoto who lets me kick his ass at _Underwater Fighters_ too, I guess.”

“You beat me _one_ time!” Makoto exclaims indignantly.

“No, I _definitely_ beat you more than that. But, uh, look…” Haru shuffles uncomfortably on the spot. To distract himself from the gross emotional weight of everything, he fiddles with the collar of his Team Iwatobi jacket, runs his fingers through his hair, and clears his throat an unnecessary number of times. That doesn't make any of his discomfort vanish. If anything, doing all that merely increases it. Ugh, what a pain.

He takes a peek at Makoto’s bewildered expression and—oh, fuck it all. Refusing to meet Makoto’s eyes, he grabs Makoto’s hand and squeezes it three times in quick succession. “You're not Rin. You're Makoto. The way I swim with Rin and the way I swim with you is different. No one—not Nagisa, not Rei, not Rin—can take your place. So, uh. Yeah. That's. What I wanted to say,” he finishes lamely.

Surprising him, Makoto laughs and presses a light kiss to Haru’s temple. His lips linger for barely a split second before he pulls away, his face burning as crimson red as Haru’s feels.

Still, it’s not enough. It’s not enough anymore. Since he is going to be leaving in less than a year’s time anyway, he might as well go all out now.

“You missed,” Haru grumbles.

“Huh? But I—”

God, Makoto is so slow that graduation would be upon them by the time he finally catches on to what Haru wants. Haru seizes the front of Makoto’s jacket, tilts his face up, and kisses Makoto full on the lips.

The first thing that hits Haru is the taste of bottled green tea and onigiri lingering on Makoto’s lips. The second is the scent of chlorine and sea breeze all over Makoto. The third is the sensation of Makoto’s chapped lips frozen, stunned, against Haru’s softer ones.

Haru breaks away, now far less certain than before. “Makoto…” He trails off there, unsure of what to say next.

“I can't believe it,” Makoto mumbles. A large hand reaches up to hide his blush from Haru. “Seventeen years of knowing each other and we only just had our first real kiss.”

Haru glances away. “Every kiss with you is real. Whether it’s on the mouth or cheek or forehead or wherever, it’s all the same. Because it’s with you.”

Makoto chuckles. “Even so, I suppose a kiss on the forehead and a kiss on the neck would have very different implications.”

“Makoto… would you—do you want to come to my house and—you know.” Haru glares at where he presumes the sea breeze is for stealing his words and coherence from him.

You could grill mackerel on Makoto’s face because of how red it's flaming. “Y—yeah, okay.”

The rest of the walk home is much faster, almost a full-on run, and the very air around them buzzes with a frantic anticipation. Haru’s heart leaps and rattles in his throat with electrified nerves. His hands shake so badly when trying to open the door that it takes a combined effort from him and Makoto to slide it open before they stumble in and drop their bags on the floor.

Now that they're inside with total privacy, though, hesitance settles over them. They have never done anything like this before, after all. Every form of physical contact between them has been innocently chaste—mere hand touches and hugs and occasional kisses above or around the mouth but never on the mouth itself.

Makoto’s hands land on Haru’s waist, gentle like he's afraid Haru would shatter under his touch. “Um. I'm not sure what to do. I think… there's also, uh, open-mouthed kissing, right?”

“Tongue.”

“What?”

“You know, making out?” Haru explains impatiently. “People use their tongues when making out?”

Makoto’s flush intensifies. “How do you even know that? Did you—”

“Rin.”

Makoto stares at him in clear disbelief. “Wait, did you and Rin…?”

Haru grimaces at the memory. “Oh yeah. Rin sometimes invites himself over after he and Yamazaki fight—happens a lot, it turns out. He drags me to the SC to blow off some steam by racing, and then drags me back here to watch romance movies. He explained to me how making out works. Or, at least I _think_ he was explaining. He was crying really hard because we were watching that movie where the guy and the girl kept swapping bodies until one day they stopped, and then he found out she’d been _dead_ all along but they get to meet 'cause of some weird time-vortex shit, and instead of writing his name on her hand like she had asked he wrote _I love you._ Anyway, I'm not sure how we got on the topic of making out but we talked about it, though he was sobbing so hard I wasn't sure what he actually told me. I lost three entire boxes of tissues that night, Makoto. _Three._ ”

Makoto laughs and makes no effort to hide his relief. “Oh, okay. That's nice of you, Haru.”

“Don't be gross, Makoto. I would never even think of kissing Rin. He'd probably bite my lips off if we tried.”

“ _That's_ not nice, Haru,” Makoto chides, though he still chuckles anyway.

Haru rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. So are you gonna kiss me or lecture me about being nice?”

A grin unfurls over Makoto’s face before he leans in to claim Haru’s lips. With Makoto’s hands on his waist and Haru’s tangled in Makoto’s hair, they somehow manage to stumble up the staircase to Haru’s room without tripping and falling and breaking both their necks. All the while, Makoto’s lips work against Haru with delicate care, like he's scared of wrecking Haru’s mouth if he kisses Haru too hard. 

Haru breaks away and butts his head against Makoto’s nose in protest of his too-gentle kissing. “I'm not a china doll. You can use more force with me. I won't break.” 

(He wouldn't mind getting his mouth wrecked a little, though. Or maybe a lot—he isn't picky.)

Makoto’s eyebrows are still furrowed with worry. “But Haru, what if—”

With an annoyed huff, Haru drags Makoto’s face to his and tugs at Makoto's lower lip with his teeth, leaving them swollen enough to stir something in Haru’s lower core but not enough to cause Makoto any lasting damage. 

“Like that,” Haru says. “You didn't break, did you?”

Makoto touches his lower lip with his fingertips, dazed. “That feels—kinda good, actually. Is that what you want?”

Haru nods with impatience burning a fire in him. What part of Makoto is so slow that it took him an actual physical demonstration to get him to finally realise what Haru wants? If he delays any longer, Haru swears he will—

Makoto pushes Haru flat on his back on his bed, pins Haru's wrists down to the mattress with his larger hands, and Haru’s mind goes, _Oh. Never mind._

This time, Makoto’s lips work with a newfound vigour against Haru’s. To Haru’s delight, Makoto does what Haru did to him earlier—gently biting at his lower lip before sucking the soreness away—and more. He slides his tongue into Haru’s mouth, exploring it deeper and deeper with each flick and curl. Haru gasps into Makoto's open mouth and involuntarily arches his body up in response to Makoto's tongue sliding against his. His fingers curl fruitlessly in the air, trying to scrabble for purchase amidst the whirlwind of sensations in his body and heart. 

Panting like he just swam a thousand meters, Makoto breaks away and gazes down at Haru like he's the most beautiful work of art Makoto has ever seen. He always looks at Haru like this and Haru should be used to it by now, except now that he's literally underneath Makoto with his hands pinned, he can't help but feel _shy_ of all things.

Probably sensing Haru's self-consciousness, Makoto rolls over on to his side. Somehow on Haru’s cramped bed, they manage to nestle comfortably side-by-side, though Haru has to sling a leg over Makoto's thigh to make enough room for them both. Makoto’s arms wrap around Haru’s midriff, and he buries his face in the crook between Haru’s neck and shoulder. His breath warms the skin there, making Haru’s heart flutter.

“Haru,” Makoto mumbles into Haru’s skin, “do you remember the first time we kissed each other? Like, ever.”

Haru does, but his answer lodges itself in his throat and refuses to come out so he settles for nodding. It happened two years ago when Makoto rescued Haru from the ocean and his grief. Haru remembers being utterly inconsolable, convinced that he would die of a broken heart there and then and had no strength to fight what he believed was inevitable. Makoto was at a complete loss as to what to say to comfort him. In a last-ditch attempt to save Haru, he kissed Haru’s forehead like he had probably seen Haru's grandmother do, then on both his cheeks, his temples and his forehead again. The kisses anchored Haru to reality, keeping him sane enough to remember he still had someone worth living for. 

The truth is, there are many things he should tell Makoto before GREAT snatches him away; many things to thank him for and apologise for and explain, but words have never been his friend or even a passing acquaintance. And after his cringe-worthy confession/reassurance earlier, any semblance of eloquence has officially left the chat with no clear sign of returning.

But Haru knows Makoto possesses this innate sense to just _know_ everything he doesn't say, so he squeezes Makoto’s hand thrice and presses a kiss to the top of his soft hair, and he hopes that is enough.

* * *

Samezuka beat Iwatobi for first place at yesterday’s relay race, but both teams will be advancing to the regional tournament since their times were barely a fraction of a second apart.

Rin has other concerns right now, though, like getting better so he won't lose to Haru in the individual freestyle event next time. A loss by 0.02 seconds is still a loss—it could make all the difference in the world between getting to swim on the global stage and merely watching it from a TV screen or livestream. Hence, he's spending his evening after the tournament in Samezuka’s private gym. Ai is spotting for him while Sousuke works at the cable row machine next to Rin's pull-up bar.

“I heard the news about the scouts, Rin-senpai!” Ai chirps. “You got a ton of calls, didn't you? Congratulations!”

“Yeah, thanks,” Rin grunts as he starts on his final set of pull-ups.

“Anyone who saw your individual freestyle alone would certainly contact you. Not to mention, you placed first in the 100-meter butterfly overall, _and_ you helped to lead our relay team to victory yesterday against Nanase-san's team. You did incredible work, Rin-senpai.”

He didn't even win his freestyle race, though, no matter if he qualified for regionals anyway since his time was so close to Haru's. 

“If the scouts are contacting me, they must be interested in Haru too. I can't lose to him again—I’ll definitely win next time!” Rin pulls himself up, flips himself upside-down just because he can and lowers himself back down to the ground. He glances at Sousuke who's pulling weights. That reminds him… “Hey, Sousuke. The university that scouted you reached out to me too. Of course, whether I accept or not depends on what they offer me, but who knows?” A grin curls on his lips. “Maybe we’ll end up swimming on the same team even after we graduate from high school.”

The weight Sousuke was pulling slams down with a harsh bang, startling the grin off Rin’s face.

Sousuke doesn't meet Rin’s eyes as he heads to the bench. “Yeah,” he mutters vaguely, “that’d be cool.”

Rin frowns. There is definitely something _off_ about Sousuke’s tone, and he’s not having it. “Oi, something wrong?”

“Nothing” comes the infuriatingly detached reply.

Even if Sousuke isn't part of the Bond, Rin knows when Sousuke is trying to bullshit him. Refusing to let the matter drop, he folds his arms and presses on. “Something's been off about you since yesterday. During the relay, you lost momentum for a moment. Are you not feeling well?”

He waits for Sousuke to reassure him that it was nothing or just a bad day or whatever—but as Sousuke continues staring at the floor like he's waiting for it to swallow him up, worry makes Rin’s impatience spike.

“Why aren't you saying anything? Spit it out already!”

“Rin-senpai, please don't fight!” Ai pleads, grabbing his arm. The poor kid is probably terrified Rin would knock over all the equipment or try hurling them at his absolute fucking _prick_ of a best friend in his rage.

“I know. This isn't a fight.” Rin sighs. He knows they will just make a scene if they stay here even if he knows this isn't a fight—he and Sousuke have had plenty of those ever since elementary school and this isn't one of them; at least, not _yet_ —so he grabs their Team Samezuka jackets, tosses the larger one to Sousuke, and brings him out to a more isolated clearing of trees behind the gym.

The heat and humidity from being outside even in the evening threaten to suffocate Rin. He can practically _feel_ the water vapour condensing on his body and forming a thick gross layer on him. The low light from the lamps reflects off the leaves to cast a murky green glow on Sousuke’s outline, shrouding most of his face in shadows. 

“So?” Rin demands, tapping his foot. “Spill already—there’s no one else here to hear you but me.”

Sousuke whips around with his hands buried deep in his pockets, his back facing Rin. Great, now Rin can't see his face at all now. “I'm fine," he mutters. "You're just worrying about nothing.”

Rin’s eyes narrow into slits, but he’ll take that for now as there isn't enough evidence to the contrary. “Then riddle me this—now that you've taken part in the relay, how do you feel? You remember what you told me, didn't you? Did you find that something you were looking for?”

A harsh palpable silence falls over them, made worse by the fact that Sousuke is obviously hiding his face from Rin. Rin clicks his tongue impatiently.

“I don't know,” Sousuke finally says.

If there is anything that can get Rin’s blood boiling in a split second—more than flakiness or idiocy or endings where the main character dies after a lifetime of nothing but suffering—it’s someone half-assing the things he holds most dearly to his heart. 

“ _What_ did you say?” he snaps.

At this, Sousuke turns his head to look at Rin with a bone-chilling glare. “I _said,_ I don't know if I've found it.”

_What the actual flying fuck._

Rin manages to keep a tight hold on his temper as he grabs Sousuke’s jacket. He slams Sousuke back against the nearest tree with just enough force to get his point across. Sousuke grimaces and looks away from Rin’s piercing glare.

“And I know _I_ told you I wanted to swim a serious relay; that I only wanted people who were _really_ serious about it on my team. And now you have the fucking _nerve_ to tell me you _‘don't know’?_ ” Rin scoffs derisively. “Sousuke, are you telling me you weren't taking it seriously?”

Sousuke lifts his head to meet Rin’s eyes with a glare even more visceral than his previous one. “Do you actually think swimming with you is something I would ever _not_ take seriously?” he growls. 

“ _Then why?!_ ”

Sousuke’s hand clamps tightly around Rin’s wrist. “It’s _because_ I take it so seriously—” He yanks Rin towards him, so close that Rin can feel Sousuke’s breath on his face. “—that I can't just pretend I understand it now! Would you rather I tell you a sweet little lie just ‘cause it’s what you _want_ to hear or get the truth even if it’s shit and you don't fucking like it?”

Rin’s eyes widen, and his grip on Sousuke’s jacket slackens. He doesn't need to answer that. Sousuke knows him well enough to know what he really wants at the end of the day; Sousuke has always understood him better than anyone else, like he’s an alter ego of Rin, even when they're yelling in each other’s faces like this—no, _especially_ when they're yelling in each other’s faces like this.

Sousuke releases Rin’s wrist and glances away. “But there is one thing I do know: I want to swim more. With you. This… this isn't enough.”

Rin huffs out a sigh. They had to go through all these dramatics just for Sousuke to tell him what he already knows. “Then swim, you idiot. Swim as much as it takes until you find your answer.”

Sousuke’s smile is small but determined when he says, “Yeah, I will”, and Rin can accept that for now.

* * *

When Rin returns to the gym to hit the showers, Ai trails behind him like a terrified child who just watched his older siblings—or parents, for that matter—argue. Momo bounces alongside Ai with no such worry or trepidation, too pleased with his own progress at the gym to care about team/family drama.

“Rin-senpai, did you and Yamazaki-senpai fight?” Ai frets. “Momo-kun and I heard the two of you yelling at each other.”

“Rin-senpai and Yamazaki-senpai sounded like an old married couple!” Momo adds with a grin. Huh, so he _does_ have some awareness of what's going on around him besides for cute girls and stag beetles and doing weird flexes.

Rin’s eyebrow twitches. He grabs Momo in a headlock to choke a spluttered apology from him. “Sousuke and I yell at each other a lot, but that wasn't a fight. It takes a lot to piss me off for real.” He remembers his attitude a year ago and winces. “Well, that wasn't the case when I was the world’s biggest douchebag last year, but I've got a better handle on my temper now.”

“Then…” Ai’s tone is deliberately neutral when he asks, “What counts as fight with Yamazaki-senpai, then? Or a fight in general.”

“Huh.” That is a good question. Rin takes several moments to mull it over, forgetting to release Momo until Momo starts to turn blue from asphyxiation. Hastily, he lets Momo go before turning to answer Ai's question. “Well, different people have different ideas of what a fight is—it’s all perception. Makoto, bless his heart, would probably think a raise in volume alone would qualify as a fight. Haru—well, who knows how he thinks? I've never seen—” _Or felt._ “—him lose his shit before.” The explosion at the lab didn't totally count since Haru was also terrified out of his fucking mind. “But for me… I guess it’s like how I was last year, punching walls and kicking over trash cans and declaring I would quit swimming.”

“No way, you did that, Rin-senpai?” Momo gasps, and Rin can't tell if it’s in horror or awe or some strange mix of both. “That's so badass! Not the quitting part, though. But the part about punching walls and kicking trash cans is _cho_ badass!"

Rin grimaces. “I had dog shit for attitude last year. If you emulate me, Momo, I’ll send your remains back to your family in an empty milk carton.”

Momo goes pale. “Nooo, Pyunsuke needs his papa to look after him! I promise I won't do that, Rin-senpai!" 

Rin honestly doesn't give a shit about Momo’s… _pet,_ so he resolves to ignore the boy for the next half hour or so as he talks to Ai. “So I suppose to me, a fight is completely losing control and just lashing out; saying the first thing that comes to mind without giving a damn about how badly it’ll hurt the other person, or saying it precisely _because_ you know it’ll hurt. And it’s gotta be a two-sided thing. Like, when I had that huge tantrum last year and you just stood there and took it? That was me lashing out, but it wasn't us _fighting._ See the difference?”

Ai nods, his eyes wide and bright like Rin has opened up a whole new world to him. “I see. That makes a lot of sense. Thank you, Rin-senpai!”

Ai really has some of the strangest questions sometimes. Still, he wouldn't be Ai if he didn't ask Rin weird stuff like why he favours the bottom bunk so much, or if he and Sousuke were ice cream flavours what would they be (Rin hates sweets so he chose the not-sweet option of cherry sorbet while Sousuke tagged himself as dark chocolate with hazelnut). With an affectionate chuckle, he ruffles Ai’s hair. When Momo looks eagerly at him to have his hair mussed too, Rin karate-chops the top of his carrot head instead. He smirks as Momo wails about how mean Rin-senpai is. 

He grabs his towel, change of clothes and toiletries from his locker before stepping into a stall to take a quick shower. He can physically _feel_ the tension from his disagreement with Sousuke earlier wash away with the sweat accumulated from hard work at the gym and the heat of summer, and when he steps out again he feels like—

The sudden appearance of Momo’s face nearly makes Rin leap out of his skin. He yelps, his hand instinctively whipping up to shove Momo back against the wall.

“Momo-kun!” Ai chastises. “I told you not to wait right outside Rin-senpai’s stall—Rin-senpai hates it when people do that.”

Rin struggles to calm his racing heart down from trying to evacuate through his throat. “It—it’s fine,” he mutters, running a hand through his damp hair. “Momo, you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“Eh?” Momo blinks up at Rin from where he's half-sprawled against the wall, clearly not used to Rin being this uncharacteristically nice to him. “Yeah, I'm all-righty, Rin-senpai! Yeehaw!” 

Even Momo saying something as cringey as “yeehaw” in Rin’s presence does little to relax him. His chest tightens like someone has wrapped spiked metal chains around it and is squeezing it with the strength of ten men. His vision spins violently, making Ai and Momo’s figures blend together in a grotesque amalgamation and the world fill with large spots. In a panicked daze, he slumps on the nearest bench and buries his head in his trembling hands.

_It’s okay, an attack no matter how intense won't kill you. Focus on your breathing—that’s what the old man told you to do when you get an attack like this. You can breathe, you can breathe._

Rin draws in a shaky breath. When his vision stops whirling, he lifts his head up to survey his surroundings before repeating his usual mantra in his mind.

_I am in the showers in the gym—the one with the fresh coat of blue paint on the walls. It’s kinda ugly but I guess Haru would like it. It’s, uh, nearly eight p.m.. I am here because I was gross and sweaty from working my ass off in the gym earlier, and I'm here with Momo and Ai. They're my kouhai, first and second-year respectively. Momo swims backstroke while Ai swims breastroke._

Breathing starts to come a little easier to him now. After finishing his grounding mantra, he names everything in his immediate surroundings and describes them—sweatpants, grey and comfy; Ai’s towel, white with blue ducks on it; bench, brown and smells like sweat, ew; Momo’s hair, bright orange like his brother’s and should stay the hell away from Gou—until his heart has settled back in his chest again. It’s still racing faster than he'd like, but at least it is no longer trying to dislodge itself.

“Rin-senpai?” Ai asks timidly. “Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?”

“No,” Rin rasps, his throat suddenly parched. “I'm fine.”

“You sure?” Momo lifts a dubious eyebrow. “You're, like, super pale and sweaty even though you just took a shower. Ah, I know! I can get Yamazaki-senpai for you—”

“That won't be necessary,” Rin cuts in, more sharply than intended. Momo and Ai’s expressions fall, and guilt replaces his previous irritation. “Sorry, that was out of line. I'm okay, really. Thanks for the concern, guys.”

Ai beams. “Please rest well, Rin-senpai! If you need anything, please let us know!”

“As long as you don't ask for Pyunsuke," Momo adds. "You can't have him.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “I don't want your stupid beetle anyway.”

Nevertheless, he pats the both of their heads before stumbling through the school grounds back to his dorm. He hasn't had an attack like that in a while, and he's in dire need of somewhere safe to crash. Thankfully, the campus is empty as it's almost curfew, so there is no one to bear witness to his staggering movements like he's coming home from a long night at the bar. 

Relief fills him when his door comes into view. He seizes the knob, twists it because he knows Sousuke leaves it unlocked for him, and lurches into the safety of his dorm. 

And freezes when he spots Sousuke holding a file and examining it like an archaeologist would an old artifact.

And it's not just any old file.

It’s his file on GREAT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed this, please let me know what you think!! :D
> 
> hmu on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


	19. the painful chaos of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm in love with you, that's why.”
> 
> Time screeches to a halt around them. For the first time since Rin entered the room, Sousuke is holding his gaze, not shiftily glancing away to look at everything but him. Rin’s ears are ringing, and he figures he must be hearing things because there is no way _Sousuke_ is in love with him.
> 
> (Or: Rin learns a lesson about love because he's a disaster.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh this took a little longer than expected to edit. i wanted to get this done and uploaded last week but between deadlines and my birthday, i was really pressed for time. but i'm glad i finally got around to uploading this! enjoy!

There really is no more morning wake-up call like having your manager chew you out first thing during practice after a big tournament.

It turns out that for almost all the individual events they entered, they barely made the overall cut—except for Haru who placed first overall in the 100-meter and 3rd in the 200-meter freestyle events respectively—while the top ranks for the 100-meter backstroke, breastroke and butterfly events are filled with Samezuka swimmers. Upon receiving this news, a mix of disappointment and nervousness emanates from the green and yellow Bonds, while Rei’s feelings make themselves clear in the frown on his face, like he's calculating the team’s odds of victory based on their current results.

“On top of that, we lost the relay to them,” Gou continues, her hands on her hips. “Just because we qualified for regionals anyway doesn't mean we get to be complacent. This means we’re still not a real match for Samezuka yet. Everyone, our results from this tournament are nothing to be proud of. To prepare for regionals, we’re gonna have to do even more intense train—”

“Big news!” Amakata-sensei’s voice rings out over Gou’s. She dashes up the stairs two at a time from the club room and doubles over by the railings to catch her breath. “We've got big news!”

“What's the matter, Ama-chan-sensei?” Makoto asks, sounding alarmed.

“We just got a call from a scout! For Nanase-kun!”

Shock rings out from the Bond. The other four gasp and turn to look at Haru. He merely stares ahead, determined not to feel anything even as his shoulders tense like Amakata-sensei’s words are a gun pointed at the center of his forehead. Out of the corner of his eye, he glares at Makoto. Why the hell did he have to go and bring up the topic of scouts yesterday? All he did was tempt a fate Haru would really rather not deal with.

“He said he saw your 100-meter freestyle and was amazed by your swimming,” Amakata-sensei elaborates with a proud smile.

“Oh really?” Haru’s voice could freeze over the entire pool.

Oblivious to Haru’s mood, Nagisa bounces to him and grabs his shoulders in delight. “Haru-chan, that's great!”

Amakata-sensei continues to beam at Haru. “This makes it easier to imagine what you'll do after graduation, doesn't it?”

Haru’s face pinches into a scowl before he can stop it. Oh, if only they knew how easy it already is to imagine what he's going to be doing after graduation. Whether he gets scouted or not doesn't matter in less than a year’s time anyway.

“This is an incredible opportunity, Nanase-kun! There is a famous saying that goes, _‘Tomorrow’s wind will blow tomorrow. But whether one rides on that wind or not is up to—’_ ”

Haru honestly doesn't have the fucks to give about scouts or riding winds or whatever. He strides past the others, ignoring the way Amakata-sensei falters or his friends' bewildered stares, and dives into the pool. It’s his only safe haven right now while the rest of the world keeps trying to bend him over backwards to its will. After all, if his life isn't dictated by GREAT, then it’ll be dictated by university scouts; they'll make him swim for _them,_ to impress _them_. Even if the university scouts aren't threatening his friends, they would be threatening his freedom and he won't have that. When he wrote _free_ on his career questionnaire form, he meant it even if he didn't actually think he could have it.

Besides, all this talk about scouts and university swim teams just reminds him of a future anyone who isn't him can have. Why should he bother when it’s not going to be _his_ future? What a pain.

He slinks into the eternal stretching blue of the pool. For the time being, he can pretend he's free in the space he feels most comfortable in.

* * *

_Great Luck._

Haru received this fortune when he visited the shrine with the team earlier to pray for their chances at regionals. He stares at the words and wonders if this is the universe’s fucked-up idea of ironic humour—he would take any _Half Luck’s_ or even a _Bad Luck_ if it means he'd get to avoid the word _great._

The letter from his grandfather is still folded up and lurking on the far-most corner of his desk. In all honesty, Haru isn't sure why he hasn't thrown it away or burned it and used the fire to grill mackerel yet. The longer he looks at it, the more it seems like it’s taunting him, as if saying, _Read me or not, your life will still be over in, like, eight months’ time._

Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. With his odds as shit as they currently are, he doesn't have anything to lose. Haru crosses his ankle over his knee, then unfolds the letter and reads it.

He learns several things about this Albert guy, like the fact that he is the Swedish branch’s best and therefore only superhuman-mermaid (Haru doesn't want to think of the fate of the other superhuman-mermaids who didn't make the cut). Most of his powers overlap with Haru’s—superstrength, super-durability and superspeed underwater—though the letter doesn't indicate if he has a Bond or any equivalent to it.

The part that really captures Haru’s attention, however, is that this Albert guy is also apparently the world record holder for both the 100-meter and 200-meter freestyle events. According to the scribbled notes in the margins, Haru’s grandfather figured that GREAT made him do it because most, if not all, the money he makes from his ‘missions’ goes straight to funding GREAT’s research and experiments, so he has to live off the money made from sponsorships.

Haru wonders if GREAT will force him to be an Olympic swimmer too just because they can't be assed to cover his costs of living even when they're using him as a tool. Disgust curls in him when he thinks of swimming with Rin on the global stage only because he's _forced to,_ unlike Rin who has dreamed of being there ever since he was a wide-eyed kid with a head full of grandiose dreams.

Screw this. Haru crushes the letter, wads it up into a ball and tosses it into the trash can. Maybe he’ll dig it out later and use it to feed a fire he'll use to grill mackerel.

Utterly drained from reading just one stupid piece of paper, his head slumps forward on the desk, and his fortune takes up most of his peripheral vision in a black and white blur. For some strange reason, Rei’s words to him after they had gotten their fortunes echo in his mind.

_“I suppose it really is true that, no matter what anyone says, I really admire the way Haruka-senpai swims. It has nothing to do with theories or calculations—it just makes me feel something extremely powerful. It also made me want to be able to swim that way too: freely. That's why I think it is fine if you always want to remain free, not tied down to any form of expectations or standards. In fact, I think Haruka-senpai will shine the brightest when free. Being free—it can mean many different things, but I believe its truest, rawest meaning is to have a free heart that cannot be bound by anything. I also believe a definition of free that is so beautiful is definitely worth fighting for. So as long as you remain true to yourself and fight for what you believe in, I think you will truly be free, Haruka-senpai!”_

Hours have passed since that conversation, yet Haru still finds himself thinking of Rei’s words. There is something odd about the last few sentences. _‘Fighting’_ for freedom? That is a very specific choice of words, especially since it came from Rei who chooses every word—down to the syllables—with careful deliberation.

Wait, that kinda sounds like…

_No. It can't be._

Haru shakes his head, refusing to believe it. He told Rin on multiple occasions not to get Rei involved. Plus, Rei assured him that his meetings with Rin at Samezuka’s pool had been strictly swimming-related, and Rei doesn't strike Haru as the type that would be able to lie convincingly—he’s always so earnest in everything he says and does, after all.

Rei means well, Haru knows this, but a part of him bitterly wonders what Rei would say if only he knew the truth; if he knew how pointless it is to try and fight for freedom when it’s nothing but a cruel illusion more fleeting than the wind and more fragile than a heart.

He doesn't want to think about this anymore. Instead, his gaze falls on the training regimen Gou has printed and issued to each of them. She has upped the intensity of their strength, endurance and stamina training in hopes that will help to close the gap between them and Samezuka even by a little.

He decides—even if he can't fight what is to come, he can make the most of what he has now. Hence, he tears out a sheet of paper from his notebook, copies Gou’s regimen and adds something new to it.

When he shows it to the team the next morning, they scan it with anticipation and delight lighting up their faces.

“Haru-chan made this training menu?” Nagisa demands, his eyes wide like Haru has just presented him with a pet penguin.

“I just modified Gou’s a little,” Haru says with a shrug. It really is just one item he added to the regimen—it’s not as big of a deal as Nagisa is making it out to be.

Makoto’s finger traces Haru’s handwriting on the paper. “Haru, you added relay exchange training?”

“Yeah.” It seemed like a good idea when he wrote it down last night.

Rei’s eyes gleam behind the lenses of his glasses. “I see! So Haruka-senpai is suggesting that reducing our exchange timing can help to compensate for time we could lose due to differences in speed, correct?”

Haru nods, and Rei gleefully adds, “With the teamwork the four of us have, I am certain we can match and even surpass Samezuka’s current time!”

Haru smiles at Rei’s enthusiasm. “I want to swim with you guys,” he states, plain and simple. “Right now, what I want to do is treasure that feeling. That's why I swim.”

Warm emotions burst from the green and yellow Bonds like fireworks lighting up the summer night sky, while Rei’s wide beam speaks volumes of the happiness and determination everyone is feeling. Haru’s resolve strengthens as he looks at each of them; this is his team, and they are the reason why he swims—not to impress anyone, but to simply enjoy the feeling of getting to swim with his friends one last time, like a final encore before the end of a show.

For now, this is more than good enough for him.

* * *

“It’s kinda cute but also really weird that you have a file labelled with Nanase’s name,” Sousuke intones, not even glancing up from the file to make eye contact with Rin. 

After his panic attack earlier, Rin is _not_ in the fucking mood for jokes. “Oi, don't snoop around my shit. Give that back.”

The prick continues holding the file as if Rin’s command was mere wind blowing right over the top of his head. “I have to admit, I'm curious. I know you and Nanase are tight, but to have an entire _file_ about him—”

“It’s not what you think it is. Now give that back or so fucking help me, Sousuke.”

“You're hiding something, aren't you?” Sousuke asks. His accusation pierces through Rin’s anger, freezing him over. “It's got something to do with Nanase, doesn't it? I initially just assumed he was getting in your way, but that's not it, is it?”

“And I'm _telling_ you, it’s _none of your business,_ ” Rin snaps. His voice is clipped and terse as he tries to fight back his rising panic. “Why do you care so much, anyway? I didn't think you liked Haru all that much.”

“I don't.”

“Then? How much did you read?”

Only then does Sousuke put the file back down on Rin’s desk. “Not much, honestly. I opened the window ‘cause it was starting to get stuffy in here, and this strong-ass gust of wind blew in and knocked your shit over. That's how I found your Nanase file.” 

Rin’s eyes narrow with suspicion. “Then do you have any _intention_ to read it?”

“Don't know,” Sousuke says with an infuriatingly nonchalant shrug. “I just saw the cover and thought it was odd, though I might have flipped through it if you hadn't burst through the door just then. But seriously, Rin—I know you're a romantic, but this borders on creepy. Kinda makes me think you're obsessed with him, or at the very least in love with the guy. Are you?”

Rin chokes on his inhale. “Wha—where the hell did _that_ come from? Don't ask embarrassing questions with a straight face like that!”

“You're dodging the question.” Sousuke’s eyes seem to see right through Rin and strip his soul bare.

“I mean.” Rin blows out a long sigh. “I care about him, alright? He's important to me—has been ever since we were kids. He and the others—they saved me last year. Haru…” Rin chooses his next words carefully; he doesn't want to lie to Sousuke, but he can't have Sousuke knowing too much of the truth, either. “He showed me that I could achieve what I wanted and still have him—have all of them—in my life. And I just want what's best for him. I want him to be happy and safe.”

_Or as much as he can be, anyway, given what the circumstances are._

“So you love Nanase.” Sousuke’s tone is hard to discern; it’s not exactly accusing, but it's also not totally matter-of-fact. It is devoid of emotion in a deliberate sense, like there is a whole fuck-ton of emotions he's hiding under wraps.

“Well, yes…” Rin trails off. There's something suspicious about the way the statement was phrased, and only now are the gears in his mind starting to spin. “Wait, what kind of love are we talking about here?”

“Never mind. This is dumb.” Sousuke gets up from the desk and makes his way to the door.

Rin, who's still standing in the doorway, won't be having any of that. He snatches Sousuke’s arm just as Sousuke’s about to try and side-step him and shoves him back against the wall. “You don't get to spring this on me out of fucking nowhere and think you can just walk away without explaining jack-shit to me.”

Sousuke still refuses to meet his eyes, though the beginnings of a red flush are starting to spread across his cheekbones. With an exasperated sigh, Rin decides to start the ball rolling himself.

“Look, if you wanna know if I'm _in love_ with Haru—like, all that romantic shit—then my answer is no.” Rin pauses, thinking of the different times Sousuke jokingly accused him of being in love with Haru (or at least, Rin _thought_ he'd been joking at that time) and how confused those remarks left him feeling afterwards. “I mean, I guess it’s kinda weird and ambiguous, but it’s obvious that he and Makoto are soulmates and I'm not gonna mess with that.”

“‘Weird and ambiguous’, huh?” Sousuke arches a skeptical brow, but the rest of his expression is tightly guarded.

“Ugh, I don't know, okay? Those two have something special with each other and it’s kinda gross, but I'm _happy_ for them 'cause they're my friends and they're good for each other. And as for myself, I just—between swimming, school and Captain duties, I barely have time to breathe, let alone even _think_ of romance.”

A sudden thought occurs to Rin. Sousuke has never even mentioned romance—outside of the movies Rin will never admit to enjoying—up until now. He has never confided in Rin about a crush or even a cute person who caught his eye. Rin has always chalked that up to celibacy or asexuality or something like that, but then Sousuke _had_ to go and spring this on him out of the blue. It makes no sense to Rin why he would do that _now_ of all times. And what the fuck does _Haru_ have to do with any of this, anyway?

“Why do you care so much, though?” Rin asks, frowning. “It’s not like you actually—”

“I'm in love with you, that's why.”

Time screeches to a halt around them. For the first time since Rin entered the room, Sousuke is holding his gaze, not shiftily glancing away to look at everything but him. Rin’s ears are ringing, and he figures he must be hearing things because there is no way _Sousuke_ is in love with him.

Rin forces a laugh through his tight chest. “Stop that, Sousuke,” he says, punching his shoulder weakly. “It’s not like you to joke around like that—”

“Don't call my feelings a joke,” Sousuke snaps. The teal in his eyes blaze to life with a multitude of emotions Rin doesn't think he would be able to name even if he could feel them through a Bond. “They're the realest thing I've ever known, so don't you _dare_ tell me how I should be feeling.”

Rin staggers away from Sousuke like Sousuke just punched him in the gut. His arm that was previously keeping Sousuke pinned to the wall now drops uselessly back to his side.

Fuck, he doesn't know how to deal with any of this. It’s not like this is his first time getting a confession, but how the hell does one deal with this when it’s not from a random closeted underclassman but one’s _best friend?_

Not knowing what else to do, Rin bends down to gather the fallen papers—none of them are from his file, thankfully—and stacks them as neatly as he can on his desk. His hands shake from the mere effort. All the while, Sousuke’s stare burns holes into his back. The room is suddenly too small, like a cage, and all Rin knows is that he needs _out._

He snatches his phone off the desk and his jacket off a hook on the wall. Without looking at Sousuke, he storms to the door and mutters, “Don't touch my shit again.”

Without waiting for Sousuke’s reply (if there even is one), Rin slams the door shut behind him and dashes out of the campus.

* * *

Rin’s first instinct is to take the train down to Haru’s place and drag him to Iwatobi SC Returns for a race. 

However, after spending five precious minutes of his life he will never get back outside Haru’s home and jamming his finger repeatedly against the doorbell, he comes to the conclusion that Haru is, in fact, not at home.

_Where in the mackerel fuck can he be on a Friday night?_ Rin all but growls out loud. He's about to use his fangs to rip the front door apart when he remembers that, _oh yeah,_ he can use the Bond as a GPS to locate Haru. Closing his eyes, he hones in on the blue Bond and the strength of its glow. It’s so bright and bubbling with so much amused affection, Rin swears Haru has to be closeby. But if he's not answering his door…

Rin turns his head to the right, where the house half-concealed behind thick camphor trees is lit up, a warm amber against the obsidian night sky.

Grumbling under his breath that he climbed all the fucking way up here only to climb back _down,_ he heads down the stone staircase, takes the right turn and all but punches the Tachibanas’ doorbell.

The door swings open several seconds after Rin withdraws his hand from the bell, and a ridiculous sight greets him. Makoto has his little brother Ren draped over his back, but the ridiculous part is that for whatever reason, he's wearing a crown made of cardboard which is splattered in yellow watercolour paint. There's green glitter all over his face, while his fingernails are painted the same hue. Or—more specifically—one set of nails is painted in beautiful, even layers of shimmering green; the other is covered in lumpy patches of orange, baby blue, hot pink, silver and black. Both he and Ren are wearing their swimsuits—black legskins with green accents and all-navy jammers respectively—and nothing else.

“What on earth, Makoto?” Rin blurts out before he can stop himself to consider a more polite alternative, since he _is_ dropping by unannounced.

“Shark-onii-chan!” Ren greets.

Rin rubs the back of his neck; he doesn't exactly have a stellar track record with little kids. “Uh, hi.”

“Hey, Rin,” Makoto says with a sheepish grin. “We’re playing underwater kingdom—Ran’s idea. Can I do anything to help you?”

Rin takes a moment to remember his original purpose for invading the Tachibanas’ residence at this time of the night (Makoto’s nail polish is rather distracting). “Where’s Haru?”

“He's inside with Ran. You wanna come in? He's gonna take a while.”

Rin nods. He steps in after Makoto, who closes and locks the door behind them, and follows the man of the house through the chaos of the living room. Seriously, Rin doesn't understand what two kids are gonna do with _this_ many boxes of Legos, stuffed toys, child-friendly nail polish sets, and action figures. The TV is still playing a cartoon no one is watching. On his way to the stairs, Makoto grabs the remote controller to switch it off, ignoring Ren’s protests. Several baskets of laundry are threatening to topple over by the sofas—in fact, Rin nearly trips over one. 

Nevertheless, even the neat freak in Rin has to acknowledge that there is something comfortable, _homely,_ about the chaos. This is not just a roof over several heads; this is a home that is well lived-in. Rin is suddenly seized by the urge to return to his own childhood home.

“Ah, sorry about the mess,” Makoto says as he readjusts his little brother on his back. “If I had known you were coming, I would've tidied up a little.”

“It’s fine,” Rin reassures with a wave of his hand. “You have two kids to look after—well, three if Haru’s here too.”

“Rin, that's not nice.”

“But it’s the truth, no?”

Makoto rolls his eyes, though not without humour. “Haru is a great help with keeping the kids entertained. It’s my parents’ twentieth wedding anniversary, so they're out celebrating. Ran and Ren are bundles of energy on Fridays, so I asked Haru to come over and help me entertain them.”

Rin snorts at the mental image of Haru playing with little kids. “I'm surprised he agreed. Didn't strike me as the type who liked kids.”

Makoto’s smile is tender, affectionate and fifty kinds of gross but in an adorable way that makes Rin want to barf glitter. “He has his soft side. And he's fond of Ran and Ren too.”

Makoto leads him up the staircase, which has scratches and dents all over the wooden banister. Rin eyes the framed photos of the Tachibanas lining the walls; the first few show just a tiny Makoto and his parents, but as they progress up the stairs, the twins and even Haru start making appearances. Rin's heart warms and expands with feelings he hasn't felt in a while. 

They reach the second floor, which is a little more sparse than the one below but no less homey, with crayon drawings and bright stickers tacked on the walls and juice stains marring the green carpet. Makoto pushes open the first door in the hallway, and another ridiculous sight awaits them.

Haru is wearing his usual black-and-violet jammers, except now there's a strange addition of a blue bra on his chest to match the sparkly polish on his fingernails. On his head, he bears a thick black wig and a cardboard crown similar to Makoto’s, except his has seashells pasted on it. Makoto’s other sibling, Ran, is perched on Haru’s lap like a throne while he paints her nails with precise, delicate strokes of his tiny brush.

Haru doesn't even look up from his work when he asks, “What do you want, Rin?”

Rin shuffles in the doorway, now feeling ten kinds of awkward mostly because _why the fuck is Haru wearing a BRA?!_ “Uh. I came to ask you to swim. With me.”

“Fine, wait. I'm almost done with Ran’s nails. We’re gonna have the crowning ceremony, then I’ll swim with you.”

“Crowning… ceremony?”

Haru nods somberly. “Makoto and I are the king and queen of the underwater kingdom. Ran and Ren are our children, the crown princess and the prince.”

“I wanted to be the crown prince,” Ren sulks.

“Too bad ‘cause I'm one minute older than you,” Ran says, sticking her tongue out at her twin. 

“Yeah, one stinking minute!”

“You stink, Ren! Stinky Ren who farts in his sleep!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

Makoto hastily breaks up the ensuing argument by threatening to end the game early if they don't stop. He must have the patience of a saint—Rin would have picked those kids up by the scruff of their necks, flung them into their rooms and locked the door, then knock back a can of soda to unwind from the stress. Thank _god_ Gou is a mere year younger than him and that she's his only sibling.

“So you're the queen, Haru?” Rin asks, figuring that's as good a conversation starter he’ll ever get in such a weird situation. “Is that why you're wearing a wig and a bra? Where the f—” Makoto shoots a reprimanding glare at him, and Rin bites his tongue. “Where did you even _get_ a bra?!”

“I made it,” Haru says in the same manner that one might say 'the sky rises in the east and sets in the west’.

“You _made_ a bra just for a make-believe game.”

Haru gives Rin a withering look. “Yes, I sewed it.”

Rin’s face grows hot, and he quickly averts his eyes. Obviously Haru wasn't gonna borrow _Makoto’s mother’s bra_ just to keep two kids entertained. Still, Rin doesn't think he had to take it _that_ seriously.

“You sewed it,” Rin repeats skeptically.

“Yes, sewing is simple.”

“… Right.” Time to move on to more _normal_ topics. “How long is this gonna take, anyway?”

“Patience is a virtue, Rin,” Haru preaches as if he's on some fucking soapbox. His brush moves to coat Ran’s pinky nail in a glittery shade of blue to match his. The size of Ran’s hand is barely a fraction of Haru’s, yet he handles her with gentle care like she's actual royalty. Huh, looks like Makoto is right—Haru does have a hidden sweet side. How sickeningly adorable. 

“Um, it takes a few minutes to blow-dry the nails since we're using kid-friendly nail polish,” Makoto answers in Haru’s stead. “The crowning ceremony shouldn't take that long. Probably five to ten minutes, tops.”

Rin blows out a small sigh. “Fine, I’ll wait.”

He leans against the doorway, watching the ridiculous yet domestic scene unfold before him. Having finished painting Ran’s nails, Haru blows a hair-dryer at her splayed hands while she sits proudly on his lap, carrying herself with all the dignity of a true crown princess. In front of the bunk bed, Makoto and Ren get to work, building a throne out of a plastic chair that Makoto would crush if he sat on it, several moth-chewed blankets and old party streamers. Seeing Ran hug Haru for doing a good job with her nails and Makoto laughing with Ren when they accidentally tear the streamers—it softens and gently prises apart the knots in Rin’s chest. For the first time that evening since he left Samezuka’s shower in a hazy panic, he fully relaxes. He sinks down to the floor, crosses his legs, and is content to rest his head against the doorframe and be a quiet witness to the domestic chaos that is Makoto, Haru and Makoto’s siblings.

Those two really do have something special untouchable by the rest of the world. There is this sense of quiet understanding and tooth-rotting domesticity that Rin can't help but compare to what he has with Sousuke—whatever the hell they are now after Sousuke’s out-from-left-field confession. They probably are too intense to be able to enjoy babysitting dates and letting kids dress them up in wigs, nail polish and glitter. If anything, Rin figures they'd try to make a competition out of who can entertain their kid better. A smile teases at his lips; yes, that does sound like them.

Longing replaces the knots in his chest. It would be nice to what Makoto and Haru have—never having to worry about labels or confessions or whatnot because they just _know_ innately that they're meant to be together. Those two have never outright declared what they are, unlike Rei and Nagisa (Nagisa has peacocked his newfound romance to Rin so much that Rin has threatened to block his number multiple times), but there is no _need_ to because everyone within a fifty-mile radius can see it.

Rin wonders where he and Sousuke stand. Between Makoto and Haru’s quiet but also blatantly obvious soulmate bond and Rei and Nagisa’s blooming new romance, what are he and Sousuke?

Wait.

Wait, wait, _wait._ Why in fucking hell is Rin comparing his _friendship_ with Sousuke to his other friends’ _romances?_

_Because he just told you he's in love with you, dumbass._

Then what does _that_ make Rin?

“Rin.” Makoto’s voice is like an anchor pulling Rin out of the trenches of his own mind. “Are you okay? You seem… preoccupied. Conflicted.” 

“Uh.” Rin blinks and rubs his hands over his face. “Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about, um, stuff.” Desperately seeking a change of topic, he scans the room before his eyes fall on Haru, and he can't help the snicker that escapes him. “Well, at any rate, Haru makes a surprisingly pretty queen.”

“Yeah,” Haru snaps, irritation bombarding Rin from the blue Bond. “Prettier than you, that's for sure.”

Now that gets Rin fired up. He rises to his feet to smirk at Haru. “Oh, you wanna see about that?”

“Yay!” Ran cheers. In her excitement, she nearly topples off Haru’s lap but his quick reflexes save her from an unfortunate bump on her head. “Shark-onii-chan will be the evil queen from the enemy kingdom! He and Haru-chan will battle!”

Evil queen, huh? Rin thinks he can rock that aesthetic. He cracks his stiff neck, ready to get prettied up and slay Haru with his killer cross-dressing game.

But Ran seems to remember something, and her lips purse into a pout. “Haru-chan has Onii-chan as his king, so to be fair, Shark-onii-chan should have a king too!”

Rin freezes. He barely hears Makoto’s chide of “A queen can still rule without a king, Ran”, his mind now lost in a whirlwind of echoes from just an hour ago. 

_“I'm in love with you, that's why.”_

_“Don't call my feelings a joke. They're the realest thing I've ever known, so don't you_ dare _tell me how I should be feeling.”_

_“Kinda makes me think you're obsessed with him, or at the very least in love with the guy. Are you?”_

Fuck, Rin can't deal with this. Neither can he wait for Haru’s stupid crowning ceremony to be over so he can go and swim his feelings away. All instincts are telling him to get out of this house filled with domesticity and sweetness and a self-assured brand of love, so that's what he does.

He mutters something about curfew—never mind that Makoto and Haru know he doesn't actually give a shit about curfew—before hightailing it out of the house. He doesn't stop until he trips over the last stone step and sprawls over it. It’s probably dirty from a neighbourhood’s worth of people trekking up and down it every day, but right now he couldn't care less about hygiene. He’ll take another shower when he returns to Samezuka. What's important right now is that he has to find somebody, _anybody,_ to rant about this to or he will just about burst with panic.

Obviously, he can't approach Haru with this because this kinda concerns him—and that eliminates Makoto too, by extension. Rei is out of the question, since he's too much like Rin—rational and logical and not all that good with things as subjective and weird as emotions. And Rin is certainly not going to confide in _Gou_ about his crisis.

That leaves him with only one possible candidate.

  
  


* * *

To Rin’s eternal astonishment, Nagisa doesn't immediately burst into laughter or interrupt him to tease him about his predicament. His slippers scuff lightly against the ground as he rocks back and forth on his swing, kicking up sand with every drag of his feet. But other than that, he listens quietly as Rin rambles about that stupid Sousuke and his stupid confession and stupid Makoto and Haru for being so stupidly in love with each other.

When Rin is done, Nagisa continues to remain silent. Rin watches him, chewing his lower lip with apprehension. Half an hour ago, Nagisa seemed like his best bet since he's—despite what his childish looks and disposition may suggest—the most emotionally self-aware out of all Rin's friends. And there's also the fact that he possesses some level of experience with romance. But now, Rin isn't so sure. Is Nagisa _really_ mature enough to be doling out relationship advice, especially to a disaster like Rin?

Finally, Nagisa breaks his silence. 

“So the thing is, Sou-chan—”

“ _Sou-chan?!_ ” Rin splutters.

“If he's important to you, he's important to me—that makes him Sou-chan!” Nagisa chirps innocently. 

“Right…” Rin mutters, remembering that he has long given up trying to figure out how Nagisa's brain works. “Anyway, you were saying?”

“So the thing is, Sou-chan is in love with you, right?”

Rin shrugs helplessly. “Apparently so.”

Nagisa’s eyes gleam with an uncharacteristic shrewdness that sends chills racing down Rin’s spine. “Then how about you?”

“W—well…” Rin wishes his face would just melt off right here and now so he doesn't have to answer this question. “Well, I think—I think he's awesome, y’know? Like, his swimming is _incredible_ when he actually tries. When I race against him, it’s like my heart is being set on fire. God, I live for that thrill.”

“Besides for swimming?” Nagisa presses on. “Like, what about Sou-chan as a person and not as a swimmer?”

“Uh…” Rin fiddles with his fingers, refusing to look at Nagisa. “He's just—an all-around incredible person. He's so driven and passionate, and I like people who are like that. Just being with him makes me want to be better, you get that? He's also honest. Even if he's being brutally honest, I appreciate it ‘cause it’s better than getting bullshitted. And he just… he just _gets_ me so well like no one else does. He understands me like we’re alter egos or some shit like that. And that's—it's amazing. I mean, when he looks at me, it’s like he's seeing right _through_ me and he's seeing me for all that I am. But it doesn't feel, like, invasive or uncomfortable or anything. In fact, I _want_ him to see all of me, even the shitty parts ‘cause I know he’ll understand and accept me regardless of them. 

“And likewise, I see his shitty parts too. He’s a dick, he doesn't know how to mind his own business, and he jumps to random conclusions so much I wonder if he hurt himself on the landing. But it doesn't change anything—he’s still Sousuke. I…” A strange warmth, similar to but also somehow different from the one spreading across his face, pumps through him. He doesn't know whether he wants to run from it and never look back, or embrace it. “I can't imagine there being anyone else in his place, y’know? Sousuke is just that incredible.”

“There you have it, Rin-chan.”

“Huh?”

Nagisa’s gentle smile morphs into a smug smirk. “It sounds like you're in love with Sou-chan too. Go tell him that and then give him a _big_ smooch!”

Oh god, why hasn't Rin’s face melted off his skull yet? “I—I can't! I just—I can't.”

“Why not?” Nagisa asks, now sounding puzzled. “He loves you and you love him. It's that simple, Rin-chan.”

“No, it's not. It’s… complicated.” Rin hesitates. It’s going to sound so stupid when he says it out loud, but he has already made a fool of himself in front of Nagisa so he figures he doesn't have any more dignity left to lose. “Nagisa, what I'm about to tell you—I _will_ shapeshift into Rei and kill you if you tell _anyone,_ especially Makoto or Haru.”

“My lips are locked and the key is lost!”

Rin takes a deep breath to steel himself up. “Sousuke thinks I love Haru.”

The entire playground falls so silent Rin swears he can hear Ran and Ren bickering on the other side of the town. Nagisa’s jaw hangs suspended in the air, mirroring how Rin felt when Sousuke first dropped that metaphorical bomb on him.

Then Nagisa bursts into giggles. “I think _everyone_ loves Haru-chan. He's just that lovable, y’know?”

“Is he now?” Rin deadpans. Haru is many things, but the 'lovable' isn't even in the top five in Rin's list.

“Yeah! He looks so cold and mean, but he's always smiling on the inside. And he acts like he doesn't care, but you can trust him to put his one hundred percent in something if it really matters to him. _And_ he's so cool and talented—he can swim really beautifully and cook really well and draw really cute Iwatobi-chans. I love Haru-chan lots!

“But Sou-chan meant a different type of love, didn't he? And that's what's making you so confused, right?”

Nagisa’s astuteness honest-to-god scares the crap out of Rin. For all his ditziness and mischief and disarmingly adorable looks, he is _terrifyingly_ perceptive. Rin wonders if Nagisa can see right through him in a way that even Sousuke can't.

“I guess that's what he was implying,” Rin says with a sigh. “My first thought was that he was being dumb—it wasn't the first time he implied I had feelings for Haru. But now… ugh, I don't fucking know?”

The toe of Nagisa's slipper traces indecipherable patterns in the sand as he sways back on forth on the swing. “What would your life be like without Haru-chan?” 

Rin pauses. He tries to picture an alternate universe where Haru isn't a part of his life—and all that he gets is a desaturated fog of a world.

“Swimming would be hard,” he says slowly while he explores this strange image in his head. “It’s… it’s so clear when he's in the pool with me. He shows me the path I should take, and I follow it. If Haru’s not there to show me the way, it’d be a fuck lot harder for me to find that path. And… it’s better with him. When I swim any old freestyle during practice, there's no real _spark._ Swimming with him gives me that drive I need to wanna, like, _really_ go all out in the water.

“But it’s dumb. It’s obvious he and Makoto are meant to be. I'm happy for them, I really am. I dropped by Makoto’s place earlier—they were babysitting Ran and Ren and it was honestly the most disgustingly adorable thing ever.

“Plus, it’s confusing. Like you said—” Rin swallows. He can't believe what he's about to say next, yet it is somehow also the truest thing he knows. “—I’m in… I'm in love with Sousuke. I know I don't feel the same way with Haru, but it’s so confusing and I don't know what to fucking _think._ ”

In an unusually quiet voice, Nagisa asks, “Who says you can't love them both?”

Rin’s brain short-circuits. “Huh?”

“Silly Rin-chan,” Nagisa giggles. “Our hearts are made to be able to love more than one person in more than one way. Like, I love Rei-chan like _this_ and I love Rin-chan like _that._ So you can love Sou-chan one way and Haru-chan another way; Haru-chan can be, like, your swimming soulmate and Sou-chan your life soulmate. And it’s not like one or the other is more important, right? Swimming is as important to you as life is, isn't it, Rin-chan?”

Too winded to muster words, all Rin can do is nod numbly.

Nagisa regards him with a gentle smile. “I'm sure it’s the same with Haru-chan—Mako-chan is his life soulmate and you're his swimming soulmate. And to Sou-chan, you're probably both.”

Rin continues to gape at Nagisa. “Nagisa… remind me to never call you a dumbass again.”

Nagisa puffs his chest up with an impish grin. “Will do! But more importantly," he adds, taking on a more serious tone, "are you ready to face Sou-chan? ‘Cause if you're not, it’s a Friday night so you can crash with me. We can have a sleepover, Rin-chan! We can talk about our feelings and love, and I can show you the cute photos I took of Rei-chan the other day!”

Rin grimaces. He's seen enough of Rei and Nagisa’s diabetes-inducing pictures to last a lifetime. Those dorks even have matching chains with their names inscribed on them. How sweet (and gross, _totally_ gross) is that? It’s for that reason alone that Rin gets up from his swing and turns Nagisa’s generous invitation down.

Nagisa doesn't seem perturbed by the rejection. “Okay then! Good luck, Rin-chan! Go get your man!”

“Yeah, sure,” Rin mumbles halfheartedly. “Thanks, Nagisa. You were a great help.”

Nagisa beams up at him as Rin musses his hair. “Anytime! You have to text me the details later, okay?”

Rin doesn't want to make any promises, so he lets out a non-committal grunt before setting off into the sweltering summer night.

* * *

Rin’s hand shakes as it latches onto the doorknob to his room.

_It’s just Sousuke,_ he tells himself. _It’s just Sousuke inside._

_Yeah, the Sousuke who is in love with you._

Rin hates himself sometimes. A part of him is starting to regret not taking Nagisa up on his offer of a sleepover, even if it means suffering through Rei and Nagisa’s endless supply of cute couple photos and not getting any actual sleep.

But it’s also not in his nature to run away from shit just because it scares him. In fact, he runs _towards_ them. He ran into GREAT’s headquarters a good continent away with no fucks to give about his own safety to try and save Haru—he can handle this.

With a firm push, the door bows open for him and he strides through with his shoulders thrown back. Hopefully he looks a hell lot more confident than he feels.

He isn't sure whether to be surprised or not when he finds Sousuke still awake and lounging on his bunk, an ankle crossed over his arched knee as he scrolls through his phone.

“Welcome back, Rin,” Sousuke says, though his smile is tight.

Rin tries not to wince. “Uh, hey.”

The awkward silence that follows threatens to choke Rin up. Sousuke has put his phone down—like Rin’s return is far more important than whatever he was doing on his phone—and is peering over the railing at him. His expression holds no trace of bitterness or hostility that Rin was expecting to get for literally fleeing from the room upon hearing Sousuke’s confession.

It takes Rin a few tries of working his tensed jaw before words finally leave him. “Um, can we—can we talk about what happened just now? Please?”

“Yeah, sure” comes the easy reply. Sousuke swings himself off his bunk, climbs down the ladder and leans against it so he's on more level ground with Rin.

Rin takes a shaky breath. “That was a shitty thing I did earlier. I shouldn't have run away. Sorry.”

Sousuke has the fucking audacity to chuckle. “It’s fine. I figured it overwhelmed you and you needed some space to process everything I had just dumped on you—it really was a lot to take in at one shot.”

“Damn right it was. Sousuke…” Rin drags a hand through his hair. “I'm just. Um. I'm just gonna be, like, really blunt here, okay?”

“When are you not, though?”

Rin flips him off before continuing. “What do you want from me?”

Sousuke frowns like Rin just asked him something in Greek. “I don't understand your question.”

“What's there _not_ to understand? Fine, let me rephrase—what do you want _with_ me? You said you're in love with me, so there must be _something_ in your mind that you want us to become.” 

The word _us_ hangs heavily in the air between them, loaded with a tornado of implications and emotions that threatens to tear this room apart.

Sousuke’s jaw clenches and unclenches before he replies, “To be with you in a way that could be called selfish.”

Rin tilts his head to the side. “Selfish? Elaborate.”

“Man, you're really not making this easy for me.” Sousuke folds his hands behind his head as his teeth tug at his lower lip, and Rin isn't sure why that sight has the power to make his knees weak. “I want you and only you. Like, exclusively—me and you. Us.”

“So a serious, committed relationship?”

“Well, I mean, we wouldn't have to go _that_ far just yet, hypothetically. Because, like, as a rule of thumb people shouldn't just rush into relationships without testing the waters first. But yeah, I suppose that's where I hope we’d end up.”

Rin’s heart flutters every time Sousuke says _we,_ but the sensation doesn't last long. “Look, Sousuke, I… uh." He swallows nervously. "I feel the same way as you do, and it seriously took me this long to figure it out. Apparently, I needed to have a stupid gay panic over my best friend and visit my other friends before sorting my shit out.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly before his smile slides off his face.

“But I can't give you what you want,” he continues, not daring to look Sousuke in the eyes. “There is—you were right about Haru. There's something going on with Haru—it’s not what you think it is, I swear!” he hurries to add when he spots the stormy look on Sousuke's face. “I'm not in an affair with Haru. He and Makoto are, like, that old married couple who have never quite left the honeymoon phase, y’know? But I digress. There's something I need to settle with him, and I'm sorry—I really am—that I can't tell you what it is. It’s not my secret to tell. 

"And this thing—it’s taking up a lot of my time and energy, not even taking into account schoolwork and swimming. That's why I can't give you what you want right now, ‘cause it wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve a partner who can give you their full time and commitment. I—” He chokes on his words. Guilt threatens to rip his heart raw and leave it lying at Sousuke’s feet, still beating and bleeding. _It’s for you, it’s all for you, but that is the only thing I can give you._ “I'm sorry, Sousuke.”

Rin braces himself. He braces himself for the worst sort of reaction—Sousuke shouting, breaking something, or crying. Or perhaps instead of all the dramatics, he would use their promise made five years ago to demand that Rin gives him what he wants—or a kiss, at the very least—and Rin doesn't know if he will be able to say no.

Instead, Sousuke simply says, “I’ll wait for you, then.”

Rin’s breath catches in his throat. “What? But—but you could be waiting forever. I may not ever give you what you want, depending on how this thing with Haru works out.”

“Then I’ll wait forever. You're worth forever, Rin. If it means waiting then so be it.”

Rin’s vision blurs with tears. What the hell—he isn't even the one being rejected so why the fuck is _he_ the one breaking down? He doesn't deserve any of Sousuke’s patience and love—he can't even give Sousuke a proper reason why he should wait, yet Sousuke said he’ll do so anyway and he never goes back on his promises.

It’s because of this earnestness and devotion, among many other things as numerous as the stars in the galaxy, that Rin has given his heart up to Sousuke with no desire to ever get it back. He wants—a lot. He wants so much, but it wouldn't be fair to take them from Sousuke if he can't offer the same in return; Sousuke deserves to receive as much as he gives, if not even more.

“I—I want to kiss you,” Rin blurts out before he can bite his tongue off. “God, I want to kiss you so bad. But I know that if I do, it’ll just make this harder. If we do something so—so _intimate,_ I don't know if I’ll ever be able to let go. And if I can't let go, I'd just hurt you. I wouldn't be able to give you what you deserve no matter how much I want to because I can’t—I _can't_ and it’s shitty and I'm so sorry I can't give you what you want, Sousuke.”

Rin doesn't even realise he's full-on crying until Sousuke is right in front of him. His long, rough fingers brush Rin’s tears away with a gentleness that makes Rin want to either melt, kiss him with the same tenderness or push him onto the lower bunk and straddle him until the sun rises. 

“It really is okay, Rin,” Sousuke says. His voice matches the gentle strokes of his fingers on Rin’s tear-streaked face. “If all I wanted was a kiss, I would've just made out with anyone. Getting to love you at all is enough for me.”

Rin’s vision blurs with even more intensity than before. He furiously scrubs at his eyes. “You can't just say shit like that,” he chokes out, “like we’re in some fucking romance movie about star-crossed lovers or something.”

“Oh, and _you're_ not the biggest hopeless romantic on this campus? No, scratch that, make that this whole _region._ ”

Rin snatches the nearest object he can find—his math textbook—and whacks Sousuke’s chest with it. “Shut your face, dumbass.” He leaves the book pressed against Sousuke’s chest as a substitute for his hands. His voice is fragile when he asks, “So, um, is being best friends for now good enough for you?”

Sousuke’s smile is tender, adoring and bursting with ardent love. “If it’s you then it surpasses good enough.”

Fuck it all, Rin can't handle any more emotions tonight. He drops his textbook, turns away from Sousuke and heads to the door. 

“Another shower, Rin?” Sousuke asks, sounding amused. 

“Gonna wash away my ability to feel stuff, you idiot,” Rin mutters. His hand lingers on the doorknob, and he turns to look at Sousuke, who is still standing right where Rin left him. “I’ll be back once I've purged my soul of all emotions. See ya.”

_I love you, dumbass, even if I can't be what you deserve._

Sousuke snorts again. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

_And that’s okay. I love you anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this, please kudos and let me know what you think! :D
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/) AKA a flaming trash heap of mostly anime stuff and memes.
> 
> thanks for reading!


	20. past, present and future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto reaches out and takes Hayato’s clenched fists, his hands wrapping protectively around those little fists. “Hayato, I promise I won't let go of your hand, no matter what happens.”
> 
> Because that was what he himself needed when he was Hayato’s age and paralysed with fear at the funeral procession by the ocean pier—and Haru gave it to him. Haru held on to his hand and never released it first, not until they were far away enough from the ocean for Makoto to feel safe enough to let go. Haru-chan has always been his safe place; now, he wants to give Hayato a similar sense of security. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WWII is mentioned and discussed in this chapter. it's accurate _to the best of my knowledge_ as i based it on what i had learned in my history classes and a quick google search to check my facts, so there may be inaccuracies or biases or whatnot that i'm not aware of. so yeah, just take all things history-related with a large grain of salt because all history is written by the winners.
> 
> also, there are quite a few of mentions of rin and chips in this chapter?? which i swear is a coincidence, but it's hilarious because his japanese voice actor also voiced light yagami who's infamous for eating potato chips lmfao.

Haru is prepared for GREAT’s annual visit, but that doesn't make it any easier for him. They arrive in the late evening, bearing their tools and clipboards—and when they leave, they leave him weak, nauseous and feverish on his bathroom floor. The coolness of the toilet bowl seat against his forehead does little to alleviate the blistering fever under his skin. He can barely muster the strength to raise his head, let alone drag himself to the bathtub to heal himself.

The next day is arguably even harder, because he has to pretend he's fine even when the Bond is buzzing with worry. On top of that, Rei, Gou and even Amakata-sensei look at him like he's a sick child who has forced himself to go to school in spite of his illness. He doesn't get it. It’s not like he's _dead,_ and he is handling it pretty well, all things considered. Thankfully, none of them asks him any questions—no pitying “Are you okay” or a reprimanding “Why did you come to school"—not even from the normally meddlesome Makoto.

When Haru stumbles back home after swim practice, he does so in a haze of nausea and fever. No matter how many times he douses himself in water to heal himself, the fever returns like an ex-lover who can't take no for an answer. Or something. His fever-addled mind can't come up with a good simile, sue him. But whatever, it'll pass by tomorrow. 

The tests this time round were even more brutal than last year’s—probably because next year is the year he will officially be put to use as their pawn and they need to make sure he's in tip-top condition. Some kind of tip-top condition he's in now, he thinks bitterly to himself.

With shaking hands, he manages to strip off his clothes, leaving them a mess on the floor as he sinks into his filled tub. He lets the water wash over him, soothing his aching bones, cooling his flushed skin and steadying his spinning head. Slowly, strength returns to his body. 

Unfortunately, he doesn't get to enjoy this for long. A ferocious red blazing through the Bond precedes the sound of his doorbell roaring repeatedly through his house like the detonation of multiple bombs. 

_Go away, leave me alone,_ he grumbles to himself, sinking deeper into his tub. But his grousing falls on deaf ears and the ringing continues, and he can vaguely hear Rin’s voice shout over the cacophony, “Open the fuck up, Haru, or I'm breaking in!”

Haru considers letting Rin do just that and watching as the police carts him off for breaking and entering. Despite being vaguely interested in how that would turn out, he finds himself climbing out of his tub and getting dressed. He takes his own sweet time answering the door, though, just to piss Rin off.

“What do you want?” Haru sighs.

Rin is dressed in a grey tank top and black sweatpants, and his hair is swept back in a messy ponytail. He probably doesn't want a race at the SC, then; if he did, he’d be wearing his legskins instead. “Yo, Haru. Your man texted me all like, _‘Haru’s been acting weird and spacey all day, but he doesn't wanna tell us why so can you pretty please check on him and maybe punch some sense back into him for me? Thanks Rin, you're the best!’_ So yeah, I'm here to do just that.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “As if Makoto would endorse violence.”

“I ad-libbed that part but that's not important.” Rin’s eyes sweep over him from head to toe before widening. “Shit, Haru, you look terrible.”

“Has anyone ever told you how good at flattery you are?”

Rin ignores Haru's sarcasm. “It’s because of GREAT, isn't it?” he demands, and Haru stiffens. “You told me GREAT drops by your place every year to check on your condition and whatnot. That's what happened, right? They ‘checked’ on your condition and that's why your body is so weak now.”

Haru scowls but refuses to admit to that last bit. “They visited me. That's all that happened.”

“Let me in. I'm gonna make you feel better whether you like it or not.”

Haru sighs, though he figures it’s better to just get this done and over with. He steps aside with no small amount of reluctance to let Rin in. Rin strides in like he owns the place and claims Haru’s usual cushion at his table in the living room, the one in front of the TV. He rummages through his bag before spreading several DVDs and bags of chips over the table, as well as a blanket with tiny red sharks on it over himself.

Haru raises an eyebrow as he takes the cushion opposite Rin. “You didn't have to.”

“Yeah, I know. The movies and snacks are for us to share but the blanket’s all for me ‘cause yours are itchy as fuck. Anyway,” Rin adds, tapping the covers of the DVDs, “what do you wanna watch?”

Most of the titles are in English. Haru can't be assed to try and translate them in his head, so he shrugs. “Whatever you want. I don't know any of these, anyway.”

“Fine.” Rin picks a random one and slots it into the DVD player. He toggles with the settings on the TV (he's somehow more familiar with it than Haru is, though Haru supposes it’s because he hardly uses it) to put on Japanese subtitles, then turns to Haru. “So what exactly did GREAT do to you?”

“I thought we were gonna watch a movie?” Haru asks with an arched brow.

Rin rolls his eyes. “Oh Haru, the movie is just for background noise. And to put your TV to use too, since you don't seem to use it all that much if the layers of dust on it are anything to go by. So tell me, what did they do?”

Haru tries to decide how horrifyingly detailed he should be in his recount—should he describe the procedure like a summary report, or talk about the aftermath, the puking and fevers and shivering? But fear pulses like a frantic heartbeat from the red Bond, even if Rin's expression is steely. Rin will probably end up crying if Haru tells him even one detail of what happened, and a crying Rin is too much hassle to deal with. Plus, Haru isn't interested in losing another three boxes of tissues.

Instead, Haru simply says, “Now I can consistently grow fangs, I guess.”

Rin’s eyes go wide with unspoken demand. His gaze follows Haru as Haru heads to the kitchen to dunk his head under a running tap. He accepts the water flowing over his head and lets his power thrum under his skin, though he keeps the scales at bay, focusing solely on gathering the energy at his front teeth. They ache as they elongate past his lips, settling at a length that hangs just slightly past his chin

“Whoa, that's sick,” Rin remarks, sounding impressed. “But I won't lose!” He bares his front teeth, and they effortlessly stretch down to his chin too. “Ain't even need water for that.”

Haru rolls his eyes as he grabs a towel to wipe his face and hair dry. He settles back in his cushion, facing Rin and his stupid shark teeth. “Whatever. Mine are longer than yours.”

“Well, you know what I have that's longer than yours?”

Grossed out, Haru flings a bag of chips at Rin’s face. Rin catches it with his mouth, but his teeth rip through the plastic. Annoyed, he rips it open all the way down the middle, pours several out for himself on a plate and slides the pitiful remains of the bag across the table to Haru.

“What else happened?” Rin continues.

Haru takes his time chewing a chip before responding, “Just—tests. Made me activate my powers over and over again, injected me with serum to make me hallucinate shit and all that stuff. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.”

In all honesty, he's expecting Rin to press on, so it takes him by surprise when Rin instead nods and changes the subject.

“I've been thinking a lot about next year."

"Have you?" Haru asks dryly. 

Rin nods, lacing his fingers together. "Since the thing figuratively keeping your hands tied behind your back is the bombs inside me, Makoto and Nagisa, the most obvious course of action is to remove them. That way, GREAT can't hold anything over your head anymore.”

Haru sighs; how many times is he going to have to say it before Rin gets it? “We don't even know where specifically the bombs are.”

“You're right. I got in touch with your grandpa—he’s looking into a bomb detector that works on human bodies. That'll be our first step in freeing you. Maybe he’ll also find a bomb remover while he's at that.”

Haru doesn't say a word, not in the mood to talk about the very much alive bomb inside Rin—or GREAT, for that matter. There's no point in just talking fluff about ‘trying to save him’ if nothing has changed in the past eighteen years of his miserable, doomed existence.

“Hey, look,” Rin says with a sigh. “Your grandma wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want you to be moping around, just waiting for GREAT to come 'round and cart you off like a pig for slaughter.”

Instantly, Haru's temper flares up. “What do you know what she'd want? Because I sure as hell don't.” 

Rin pauses, like he's calculating how much is safe to tell Haru. His finger traces over the destroyed potato chip bag as he slowly says, “Your grandma… she was a lot like you.”

Haru stares at him, nonplussed. How in the darkest pits of hell was his grandma _anything_ like him? She was everything he isn't—warm and bright, like a star that had descended from the heavens to walk among humans who were supposed to be beneath her.

“I mean, _literally,_ ” Rin adds. “She was _literally_ a lot like you. Well, kinda.”

Haru’s eyes narrow before expanding with horror. Wait, it can't be…

“I heard all of this from your grandpa, so don't quote me on this, okay?" Rin says, hastily raising his hands. Haru has to wonder why his grandfather told Rin more things than him, his own grandson. “But according to him, superhuman-engineering organisations have been around for a long time, since before the Second World War. The military—so basically, the government—wanted to make and use superhuman soldiers to chase the colonial powers out of Asia and increase Japan’s power. I mean, this is the simple watered-down version, 'cause the actual version is a mess of politics and bloodshed.

“But back to your grandma—her family was a military one and fucked up to boot. They offered her and her six other siblings to be used as subjects. Out of all of them, she was the only one who survived the first few rounds of preliminary tests. After that, she was taken to a facility in Hokkaido when she was about four. I think it was, like, a year before World War II broke out in Asia-Pacific. Telekinesis was her power; I guess that's how all her bullets always seemed to hit every single one of her targets when she came to Australia to rescue… uh, yeah.” Rin falters, looking down at his plate of chips in shame. “Sorry.”

Not in the mood to talk about his grandma’s death, Haru instead asks, “What happened to her in the end after the war?”

Because it doesn't make sense—if she was a genetically-engineered superhuman like he was, then how come she could get married and start a family of her own? Haru can't see how anyone with superpowers in this world can have any sense of freedom instead of being slaves to their creators.

“Put simply, the organisation was in shambles because of—in no small part—the dropping of the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. She was in the Hokkaido branch so she wasn't directly affected by the radiation and all that shit, but the bombings really messed up the organisation and the government. The post-war reforms led by the Allied Powers saw to the dissolving of the organisation and the end of superhuman-engineering.” Rin grimaces. “Or so they thought—turns out GREAT, which had managed to stay underground all that time, actually bought what was left of it. That's how GREAT managed to get its footholds in Japan. 

"The special forces, which your grandpa was a part of, got wind of this and decided they weren't gonna have it ‘cause the higher-ups didn't want the Allies coming for their throats if they found out. So your grandpa and the rest infiltrated the Hokkaido branch, and your grandma helped them to free the other subjects and shut down that branch. It was pretty crazy—your grandma was seventeen and your grandpa twenty-two. I don't know if that was when they fell in love or if it happened later when your grandma joined the special forces.”

Haru nearly chokes on a chip. “She did _what_ now?”

“Yeah, she worked with your grandpa and the other people on the special forces to try and take down GREAT, but GREAT had to be good if it took your grandparents that long before they found out your parents were experimenting on you.” Rin winces when he spots Haru’s expression. “Yeah, I know, _big_ oof. You work nearly your whole life to take down an evil organisation, only to find out your son and daughter-in-law are part of it and are subjecting your only grandchild to the same torture you went through at the same age.”

Haru has never felt much remorse for accidentally killing his parents to save his friends when he was twelve, and now he knows for sure that he isn't going to start anytime soon. He isn't sure if knowing all this about his grandparents makes him feel better or worse about… just about _everything._ The hell he went through when he was a kid, his grandma’s sudden death when she left him one night with no explanation whatsoever, his grandpa doing who-knows-what in Australia right now.

Rin must be sensing Haru’s inner conflict, because his voice takes on an uncharacteristically gentle tone when he adds, “I think that's enough talk about torture and war and death already. But… the thing that really struck me—more than anything about the war or experiments—was how… how _soft_ he sounded when he spoke about her. Like, wow. I never would've guessed such a gruff and cold old man could sound so affectionate. She was an amazing woman, your grandma."

Haru nods silently—he can't talk around the lump that has suddenly welled up in his throat. The more he tries to push it down, the more it expands until every inhale and exhale starts to hurt like that night Makoto rescued him from the ocean.

Rin eyes him for a moment before glancing away. He busies himself with opening a second bag of chips, now that the first bag is nearly empty.

“You sure you should be eating so much junk food, especially with regionals around the corner?” Haru asks when the lump finally dissolves.

“Today’s an exception.” Rin tosses a handful of chips into his mouth and pushes the bag to Haru.

Mechanically, Haru takes it, opens it and pours everything out on a plate between them. His head hurts, his chest hurts, everything hurts. Talking about his grandma has never been never easy, but when it’s with someone who personally knows and was even there during her last moments, it takes every last bit of strength not to break down right here and now.

“Let’s just watch the movie, Rin.”

Rin’s nod is minuscule. “Yeah, let’s.”

* * *

When Rin awakens from his sleep with his heart threatening to burst out of his chest with worry for some indiscernible reason, he finds himself sprawled over his desk, a sheet of paper stuck to his cheek and a pen (thankfully capped) pressed against his nose. The fluorescent light is too bright over his head. Wincing, he shields his eyes as he sits up and tries to remember what he was doing.

He glances down at the table, where a half-written essay is displayed. His last few sentences are smudged black, and so are his hands. He looks around the room, only to find it empty. Sousuke’s table is barren save for one blue pen and a blank post-it note. Sousuke must have finished his essay, then, because the last time Rin was conscious they were competing to see who could complete theirs faster. Rin must have fallen asleep halfway—the visit to Haru’s home was nothing short of draining—before startling awake again because… because…

He snaps his fingers, remembering. He had a vague dream that had something to do with Ai, swimming and a bag of chips. That's right—Ai trains on his own at night with the aim of making it on to the relay team. Pride fills Rin as he thinks of how much progress Ai has made in such a short window of time, but worry quickly replaces that when he wonders if Ai will get hungry in the middle of his training.

Rin stretches, re-ties his ponytail as it became loose in the middle of his nap, then gets up and heads to the cupboard where he keeps a supply of healthy snacks. He grabs a bottle of water and a packet of banana bread (Ai’s favourite), tugs on a salmon-pink hoodie (a birthday gift from Gou he’ll never admit to liking) and heads out to the pool.

He stops in his tracks in the corridor when he looks through the windows and spots Sousuke walking alongside the pool, barking instructions at Ai. Ai listens diligently, but he never falters—he keeps moving, his arms first then his legs, his head constantly bobbing up and down to catch breaths of air between strokes. All the while, Sousuke’s critical eyes never leave Ai. But underneath the exterior of a strict upperclassman, kindness overflows from within. Rin’s heart warms, and he feels himself falling in love with Sousuke all over again.

 _He probably doesn't even realise how kind he is,_ Rin chuckles to himself.

Bittersweet feelings wage a storm in him. While his relationship with Sousuke hasn't changed all that much since the confession, it’s not the same as it was before, either. More often than not, he catches Sousuke stealing glances at him. When caught, Sousuke’s eyes would crinkle into a smirk before looking away, leaving Rin’s heart feeling like it can and will soar out of his body with how vigorously it’s fluttering. On top of that, he finds himself ‘accidentally’ leaning just a little _too_ close to Sousuke when they talk, as if his body has some kind of magnetic need to be near Sousuke even when his mind is deliberately doing its best to put some physical distance between them.

Rin shakes his head. No matter how tempting it is to bridge that final gap, he knows it’ll hurt Sousuke a lot less to maintain some distance for now. _For now._ If all goes well and Haru is freed from GREAT, there would be nothing holding Rin back from finally letting himself and Sousuke indulge in each other. But if everything goes to hell and GREAT snatches Haru away, Rin doesn't know if he’d be in any state to pursue a serious, committed relationship with anyone, least of all with the one who deserves it the most. Maybe it would take him weeks, months, perhaps even years before he finally feels some semblance of okay again, but he doesn't know how he would be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing there was so much he could’ve done to save Haru yet he didn't. 

That's why he has to keep fighting—not just for Haru, but for Sousuke too. For something real and raw and special between himself and Sousuke.

Rin continues watching Ai and Sousuke from the doorway, wondering if he should make his presence known. But with Sousuke’s focus fully-trained on Ai, Ai’s strokes are a lot sharper and more refined now. His eyes blaze brighter with hardened resolve. It’s hard for Rin to describe, but Ai just seems _stronger_ now, more confident in his movements.

They seem fine on their own, so Rin leaves the water and bread on a table by the poolside before quietly taking his leave.

* * *

Recently, Makoto has taken up temporary coaching at Iwatobi SC Returns, and he cites seeing how busy Coach Sasabe was attending to over thirty energetic kids on his own as the reason why. Personally, Haru thinks Makoto might be biting off more than he can chew since he does have to juggle his studies and swim practice on top of his new temporary job. He isn't even getting paid for it, though he does get volunteer benefits like discount coupons to a restaurant and something to put on his portfolio. Makoto really is too giving of himself sometimes. Or all the time, really.

Makoto’s new gig _shouldn't_ be such a big deal and Haru knows it. Makoto is just doing this out of the stubborn kindness of his heart. Besides, it’s his own thing; yet the fact that he didn't tell Haru until he dropped the news on the team as a whole yesterday—even though he started on Sunday and had plenty of time to tell Haru between that and Tuesday’s practice—feels like poisonous spikes sinking into his chest.

Makoto informing him that he ran into Kisumi at the SC yesterday only serves to drive the spikes in deeper.

Haru’s hands that were busy drying his hair pause. “Kisumi?” he repeats suspiciously.

“Yeah,” Makoto says, nodding. “Your old classmate from middle school, Shigino Kisumi.”

Unfortunately, Haru remembers who Makoto is talking about. Kisumi was an aggravating thorn in the side who reminded Haru too much of Rin with his pushy, outgoing personality and many attempts to strong-arm him and Makoto into joining the basketball club. Since Rin’s departure for Australia had left Haru feeling like he was just a pawn used in Rin’s relay-centric scheme, discarded when no longer needed, the similarity was not welcomed. Even so, Kisumi either didn't know how to take a hint or just didn't care; he kept wrapping his arm around Haru to cajole him into joining the basketball team, feeding him weird exotic food from his bento, and nearly successfully manipulating Makoto into entertaining his basketball-themed whims. Haru still remembers the way Kisumi put an arm around Makoto to lead him to the basketball court with an arm around Makoto’s shoulders, and the way he turned around and stuck his tongue out at Haru. Haru, refusing to admit he was indeed irked, thought to himself, _I can't believe Makoto is letting himself get suckered into meddlesome people’s business again. And what the hell is that guy doing with his arm around Makoto, anyway?_

“Oh, that Kisumi,” Haru drones, unamused.

Makoto continues smiling beatifically. “His younger brother is in the class I'm teaching, so I saw him yesterday for the first time in ages.”

Better Makoto than him. After deeming his hair sufficiently dry, Haru turns around and heads back to the club room. “Whatever.”

Makoto hurries to catch up to him. “Weren't you two close when you were in the same class in middle school?”

Only Haru’s perennial poker face is able to hide his displeasure at that idea. He wonders what Makoto must be on to have arrived at a conclusion like _that._ “No.”

“Really?” Makoto’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, though he lets out a chuckle. “Well, if you have time on Sunday, you should come by too, Haru.”

Haru glowers at Makoto from underneath his towel. It’s like he's just an afterthought tacked on to Makoto’s plans after the whole deal about bumping into Kisumi again. “… Only if I have the time.”

When Sunday rolls around, Haru is determined to spend his morning soaking in his tub, since Nagisa bought him some bath bombs from Lush as a birthday gift which, for some reason, he hadn't gotten around to using yet. He has the time of his life indulging in a yuzu-and-cocoa bath—or he should be, except for some reason he's starting to get restless in the water. This _never_ happens; the water is supposed to be where he feels the most at peace. Annoyed, he tries to ignore it and sinks deeper into the effervescent bubbles, but his hands start twitching and he's overcome by this sudden _need_ to get out of here because he is needed somewhere else.

With a mournful sigh, he unplugs his tub and clambers out, watching the bubbly orange water spiral out of the tub. He dries off and gets dressed, then lets his feet take him where he needs to be.

Which is the Tachibanas’ front door, where Makoto’s mother is handing him a wrapped bento that Makoto forgot to bring to the SC with him. Well, Makoto did ask him to drop by the SC if he had time. This is as good an excuse he’ll get, so he wishes her a good day and heads to Iwatobi SC Returns.

When Makoto’s face lights up upon spotting Haru with his bento, Haru feels something in him soften and he thinks, _Well, I suppose I can always use Nagisa’s bath bombs another time._

“You really came!” Makoto exclaims, beaming.

Haru shrugs, not sure what the big deal is. “Your mom asked me to bring your bento.”

“Thanks, Haru.”

They find a corridor to talk in to stay out of people’s way, settling against the wall. With a downcast expression, Makoto confides in Haru about Hayato, Kisumi’s little brother. Apparently, the kid hates swimming which, to Haru, sounds like he's resisting the water. Makoto should start with teaching him how to accept the water instead of fighting against it, because there's no winning a fight against its powerful expanse. To that, Makoto laughs and says, “That sounds a lot like you, Haru.”

When Makoto has to rush back to the pool once his break is over, Haru’s gut tells him to stay in the SC instead of rushing back home to enjoy his bath bombs. Hence, he keeps himself busy in the building by helping out in other ways. It turns out that the SC is rather understaffed, so he helps with odd jobs like repairing broken bathroom stall locks, organising the storage closets, and designing digital posters for the SC’s website. Frankly, Haru prefers traditional drawing with paper and pencils since it’s easier to feel the art, but the PR lady gives him a discount coupon to a mackerel place on the outskirts of town as thanks for his hard work, which he thinks is an excellent form of compensation.

Before he realises it, evening has cast itself across the sky in soft hues of amber and rose. After completing the final touches on the poster, he rubs his tired eyes and exits the stuffy alcove of an office. He passes by a waiting room on the ground floor, where a kid who looks like a seven-year-old version of Kisumi is quietly sipping a can of green apple juice. That must be Hayato. At least he's cuter than his older brother. Haru pauses outside the room and considers imparting nuggets of wisdom to the kid about accepting the water, but he decides against it—Hayato will probably tell Kisumi all about it, which would lead to Kisumi remembering him and consequently trying to worm his way back into Haru’s life. Besides, Makoto can handle this kid on his own.

Haru steps through the double glass doors and takes a right turn where the green Bond is pulling him towards, only to find Makoto speaking with none other than Kisumi. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. He is a lot taller than the last time Haru saw him, though his messy pink hair, deceptively innocent-looking lavender eyes and glaringly pearly-white smile that got all the girls in class fawning over him haven't changed. Then it stands to reason that he's still as bothersome as Haru unfortunately remembers.

Kisumi’s eyes go wide when he spots Haru. He pushes himself off the bicycle he was leaning against and jogs over to an unmoving Haru. “Haru, is that you? Wow, it’s been so long!” His hands clamp down on Haru’s shoulders like a vice and shake him lightly back and forth. “This really brings back memories of middle school!”

Yeah, Haru would rather not remember those. He swats Kisumi’s hands off him, only for the prick to swing around and sling an unwelcome arm around his shoulders instead. Why. Why does he have to go through such pain. What did he ever do to warrant such suffering. Haru finds himself half-wishing for GREAT to just come and take him already, if only he’d be spared from the menace to humankind known as Shigino Kisumi.

Kisumi continues chattering on, oblivious to Haru’s mood. “Ah, I remember how lonesome you got after Rin left to study abroad.” Haru’s face pinches into a scowl like he just bit into one of Kisumi’s weird-ass exotic pickles, and Kisumi jostles him side-to-side with teasing intent. “Aww, don't get mad at me, Haru. There's nothing wrong with being a little sad when your friend leaves you.”

Makoto has the nerve to chuckle at Haru’s plight. “Oh, that reminds me—Kisumi, you went to the same elementary school as Rin, right?”

Oh god, why on earth is this idiot making small talk? Haru shouldn't have come. He should've stayed in his tub and indulged in all thirty Lush bath bombs Nagisa bought for him. He should never have continued Friday afternoon’s discussion of Makoto’s run-in with Kisumi, because that jinxed _everything_ and that's how he has ended up trapped under the weight of Kisumi’s arm.

“Yep!” Kisumi chirps. “And so did Sousuke!”

So Sano Elementary must’ve had a thing for producing pricks, it seems. Those three must have gotten along like a house on fire back in the day.

“Makoto,” Haru states, glaring at his sorry excuse of a best friend. 

_If we don't leave right this fucking second, I swear I’ll use my newfound fangs to rip this guy’s arm off me._

Makoto startles and checks his watch. “Oh, it’s getting late!”

Relief that the two of them are finally on a similar wavelength fills Haru. “Let’s go home.”

“You're so cold, Haru,” Kisumi complains. “Don't you wanna catch up? We haven't seen each other in ages!”

Like that will stop Kisumi from trying to strong-arm his way back into Haru and Makoto’s lives anyway, especially now that Makoto is coaching his little brother at the SC. 

Haru sighs, nothing short of aggravated, but he doesn't know what compels him to mutter, “We’ll see each other again.”

Kisumi laughs. “That's true!”

Oh no, what did Haru just get himself into? Well, no matter—the only window of time he’ll have to suffer Kisumi’s presence is this year, and that will be over in less than five months’ time.

Hayato, bless his soul, scampers out of the SC and calls for his brother. Kisumi finally releases Haru, leaving them with a “See you, Makoto! You too, Haru!” before rushing off to attend to the much smaller and cuter version of himself.

Makoto turns to Haru with a placating smile. “Shall we go, Haru?”

Haru huffs out a long, aggrieved sigh. “We better.”

At least Makoto later makes it up to him by pampering him with kisses all over his mouth and neck at the base of the stone staircase. Perhaps suffering through Kisumi’s presence will be bearable if Makoto is there.

* * *

The issue of Hayato hating swimming because he nearly drowned in the ocean once has been weighing on Makoto’s mind all week, but now—thanks to Haru’s advice—he has a game plan.

Yesterday, when walking back home from practice, they were discussing Hayato. Haru asked him what it was like for him—what being afraid of the water felt like, and what he did to overcome it. That got Makoto thinking, and he realised swimming wasn't so terrifying when he did the backstroke because he could see the sky; that assured him that there was something as powerful—if not even more so—than the water out there, and that something was watching over him as he swam. 

Makoto had his reservations about teaching Hayato how to swim backstroke first—most coaches start with breastroke as it tends to be the easiest for beginners. However, Haru, with his usual blunt honesty, pointed out, “So what? You should just do it your own way. Everyone accepts the water differently.”

Makoto has taken those words to heart and stored them there for safekeeping for today. After going through the usual kicking and floating practices, he gets the kids to do a mock relay as the final activity for today. He doesn't miss Hayato’s apprehensive look, but he will get to that later when it’s his turn to swim.

After Aimi high-fives Hayato for his turn, he hesitates when he's about to pull his goggles over his face. He remains frozen in place, staring at the water. Just when Makoto thinks he's not going to do anything, he lets out several teeny whimpers that tug painfully at Makoto’s heartstrings. But he knows he can't lose his composure when faced with a distressed child.

Instead, he hunches down so he's at eye level with Hayato. In a gentle tone, he suggests, “Hayato-kun, do you want to try swimming differently today? You won't have to put your face underwater, and you can see the sky as you swim.”

Hayato’s tiny posture droops. “I—I can't do something like that.”

“I’ll be holding you up, so don't worry. I definitely won't let go of you.”

But Hayato is not convinced. Tears well up in his eyes, and his voice quivers. “I can't because… because I'm _scared!_ ” he wails with the heartbreaking honesty of a terrified child. His eyes squeeze shut as tears slide down his face to end up lost in the pool water, much like how he must have felt when he nearly drowned in the sea.

This is a fear that resonates with Makoto. While he doesn't remember the time he nearly drowned during the training camp, only the aftermath of it, someone precious to him once did in Iwatobi’s very own ocean. That same ocean took Rin and Gou’s father away from their family too. With these painful thoughts in mind, Makoto vows himself right here and right now that he's going to do everything it takes to help this child overcome his fear, just like how Makoto himself did.

Makoto reaches out and takes Hayato’s clenched fists, his hands wrapping protectively around those little fists. “Hayato, I promise I won't let go of your hand, no matter what happens.”

Because that was what he himself needed when he was Hayato’s age and paralysed with fear at the funeral procession by the ocean pier—and Haru gave it to him. Haru held on to his hand and never released it first, not until they were far away enough from the ocean for Makoto to feel safe enough to let go. Haru-chan has always been his safe place; now, he wants to give Hayato a similar sense of security. 

Hayato looks up at Makoto. His eyes are still wet, but a new light shines from behind the tears. “You promise it won't be scary?”

Without a shadow of a doubt, Makoto nods. “Yep, I promise.”

Hayato continues chancing tentative glances at Makoto while he pulls his goggles over his eyes, as if afraid Makoto is about to vanish, but Makoto stays. Gently, he guides Hayato onto his back, keeping one hand under Hayato’s hips to keep him afloat and the other holding Hayato’s hand.

“Just kick your legs to move yourself forward,” Makoto instructs. “I’ll be holding your hand until we reach the other side. Here we go!”

As Makoto treads slowly through the water to let Hayato get used to this stroke, the other children cheer him on. Makoto’s heart warms; part of him was worried they would get impatient or, worse, give Hayato a hard time about his fear. Instead, they call out his name with shouts of “You can do it!” and other various cheers. Makoto doesn't know how one heart can hold this much joy without bursting.

He glances down at Hayato, whose eyes are still squeezed shut under the blue tint of his goggles. “Hayato, try opening your eyes slowly.”

Hayato’s eyes pinch together tighter than before. Makoto falters, worried, but eventually Hayato’s eyes start prising open—and then they go _starry._ Through the clear ceiling, the sky is pure azure with gentle sunshine peeking through fluffy white clouds. It stretches over their heads, wider than anything all their collective minds can dream of, and it’s a comforting presence like a guardian angel. Hayato gasps softly. A smile tugs at his lips, until he's beaming up at the sky.

They reach the other side, and Hayato gasps again when Makoto shifts him back onto his feet. Immediately, the students crowd around Hayato, nothing short of amazed.

“That's awesome, Hayato!” Hina exclaims. “You swam the backstroke!”

Hayato silently mouths the words _I swam the backstroke,_ as if he can't believe it really happened.

Eiji calls Hayato’s name and lifts his hand for a high-five, which Hayato gives after a moment of dazed hesitation.

Above them, Kisumi shouts Hayato’s name, waving his arms wildly in the air. His beam rivals Hayato’s in intensity, fit to burst with affection and pride. Makoto knows that feeling, having two much younger siblings himself. He’s glad Hayato has such a kind and loving older brother to look after him, and that Kisumi has such a strong little brother he can be proud of.

The rest of the relay goes by in a blur of splashes, cheers and high-fives. Once the last student has completed her lap, Makoto gathers his class by the poolside for a quick debrief before dismissing them. He waves goodbye to his students as they trot to the changing rooms, then turns his attention back to the kickboards which need to be arranged on the rack.

Something small latches onto his fingers. Startled, Makoto glances down to find Hayato staring at his larger hand, too shy to make eye contact. “Umm… I—I’m not—” He looks up with a smile that makes the wax-like mess that used to be Makoto’s heart reform and melt all over again. “I'm not afraid to swim anymore! I had fun!”

Those words strike something in Makoto. He isn't sure what it is yet, but they send him over the moon with joy. He bends down on a knee so he's at the same height as Hayato and grins at him. “That's because you did your best, Hayato. I'm so proud of you.”

Hayato’s eyes are filled with stars, fireworks and everything bright and good in the universe as he cries out, “Thank you, Coach Tachibana!”

“No problem, Hayato,” Makoto says, pouring his heart into each syllable.

He waves Hayato goodbye, watching him until he disappears from view to make sure he doesn't accidentally slip and fall in his excitement. After that, Makoto makes quick work of arranging the kickboards, then washes up and changes into a T-shirt and sweatpants. He heads down the chlorine-smelling corridor to the exit, where he is intercepted.

“Evening, Coach Sasabe,” Makoto greets.

“Oh, Makoto! Just the guy I was looking for!” Coach Sasabe booms, grinning as he approaches Makoto. “I just hired a new part-timer, so you're off the hook. Thanks for the help, kid. You can make next week your last class.”

Makoto reels back. Oh, right; the position he took on was voluntary and merely temporary until Coach Sasabe could find someone else more qualified to take on the job. Coach Sasabe is probably expecting him to be relieved, but all he feels is stinging disappointment.

In a daze, he mumbles a “Thank you, goodnight” and stumbles out of the building, his chest aching and his mind whirling. 

It isn't until he is walking on the sandy road by the ocean, thinking about how much delight teaching those kids brought him and how much he'll miss them, that it hits him.

He wants to do this—not just on a volunteering basis but as an actual, like, _thing._ After seeing how happy all the kids, _especially_ Hayato, were, he wants to help more and more children discover the joys of swimming.

Suddenly, the path ahead of him is no longer shrouded in fog and vague questions but is instead filled with the laughter of children—and this is one he knows he _has_ to embark on.

* * *

“That is wonderful to hear, Tachibana-kun,” Ama-chan-sensei says, smiling. She's probably relieved that he has finally found something he wants to do. During their last meeting, they went over possible majors he may be interested in that the local university offers, ranging from literature to media to social work, though the session didn't feel very productive as none of those degrees truly struck his fancy. But now he's found something that _does_ and that's what matters. “I'm glad you have a clear idea of what your goal is. But the thing is—” Her expression sobers. “—the local university doesn't offer any relevant degrees, as far as I can remember.”

Makoto nods. He did his research over the weekend—the closest equivalent it had was early childhood education, but he wants something more specific to sports. “I found some universities in Tokyo that offer degrees in sports medicine, though.”

For some reason, Ama-chan-sensei shudders like someone just hissed a menacing incantation into her ear. “Tokyo…”

Oblivious, Makoto exclaims, “Oh, that's right! Ama-chan-sensei, you used to work at Tokyo, didn't you? At a swimsuit manufacturing company? As… um, in a managerial position?”

She flinches before mumbling, “I… I guess you could call it that. Tokyo, where reality often differs from reputation. A parched city… a concrete jungle… The city is crying, but those tears turn Tokyo into a deadly desert—that is the dastardly truth of the Tokyo baptism. It will descend upon you with claws and fangs and hellfire to kill you where you stand while still keeping your heart beating. You won't bleed even a single drop of blood upon your demise."

Makoto blinks. “Uh… should I not pursue my degree there, then?”

“Oh, of course you can!” Ama-chan-sensei says with a forced laugh. “If you're merely pursuing a degree in sports medicine, you ought to be fine. Um… where was I? Oh yes, universities in Tokyo. It is quite far from home, Tachibana-kun, but if this is your dream then you should do whatever you can to seize it. After all, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, _‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams’_.” 

Makoto chuckles. Rei would certainly appreciate that quote.

With all the stuff about the ‘Tokyo baptism’ out of the way, Ama-chan-sensei goes all business-like. She folds her hands on the table and leans over it. “Now, let’s take a look at some of your prospective universities, shall we?”

By the end of the meeting, she has helped Makoto narrow down his options to three universities—Meijo Chuo, Waseda and even one non-Tokyo option of Osaka University—based on curriculum, facilities, teaching staff and career prospects. Makoto is buzzing with anticipation, a sense of closure and also a sense of excitement for the future. Now that he knows what he wants, all he has to do is study his butt off for the entrance exams and then leave his future up to fate. The idea flips his stomach over and twists it up in pretzel-like knots, yet he can't help but _want_ to face it. 

After thanking his teacher for her time, he hurries to the school gate where Haru is leaning against the brick wall.

“Thanks for waiting, Haru!” Makoto says. “Were you waiting long?”

“Just got here.” From the pool presumably, judging by the damp towel over Haru’s head, even though they didn't have practice today. "Let's go."

Makoto falls into his usual pace by Haru’s side, passing by the convenience store, fish vendors and the beach in their trademark companionable silence. Even so, he could just about burst with delighted excitement. He's so happy he wants to—well, he wouldn't _shout_ it from the rooftops because he doesn't want to be a public nuisance. But he still would like everyone important to him to know— _This is what I want to do, this is what I'm_ meant _to do, and nothing has ever been this clear before._

But then he glances at Haru, who's staring at his feet, and the words die in Makoto’s throat. As much as he wants Haru to know, Haru hasn't spoken anything about _his_ future plans—he might end up feeling pressured if Makoto were to talk about his. Or, worse, he might feel like Makoto is leaving him behind, which Makoto would _never_ do; he can't fathom a life, a world, a universe without his Haru-chan.

Thus, Makoto resolves to wait for a better time to tell Haru about his university plans—perhaps once Haru has brought his up, so Makoto knows it’s safe to talk about his own.

Still, he hopes Haru will find his dream soon, because Makoto doesn't know how long he can bear to keep this from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed this, please kudos and comment if you can!
> 
> also i'm sorry for my really whack uploading schedule. i try to keep it weekly but life keeps getting in the way with personal and school stuff. plus i'm working on the last bits of this story right now, so i'm constantly torn between wanting to write that and wanting to edit and publish a new chapter :') so thanks for your patience! i hope you guys enjoy the rest of the story when it eventually gets published. 
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to :D


	21. gotta go my own way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Scouts. Impress them._
> 
> _GREAT._
> 
> _You're not swimming for yourself—it’s all for GREAT._
> 
> _You will never be free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, uh, this chapter covers _that_ part of _eternal summer_. you know that part those 2 episodes that made everyone (or well, at least me) cry like babies. this chapter was extremely hard to write, the second hardest to write in this entire installment, because of how painful it was. please enjoy nonetheless ;u;
> 
> this fic now has a spotify playlist! feel free to jam to these tunes while reading this fic :') [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2FHjCFEcMoAQ5VBQalF7m0?si=3-34OxLuR--0FqKni_Zt9Q)

The Iwatobi Swim Club arrives at their hotel in Kurashiki—the city where the regional tournament will be held tomorrow—at sunset. The building is tall and grand, with gleaming windows and polished marble flooring, and Amakata-sensei assures them that they _will_ be staying here instead of sleeping in tents on the beach unlike their training camp last year. After bumping into Samezuka in the lobby (and consequently having Momotarou hit on Gou for the umpteenth time), they check into their respective rooms, wash up and meet outside the hotel to find dinner. 

According to Gou, they have a generous allowance from Amakata-sensei so they can eat whatever strikes their fancy. Nagisa’s eyes go starry at the prospect while Haru finds himself magnetised to a display tank of various fish—including, and most importantly, mackerel—outside a seafood restaurant. He knows what _he's_ going to have for dinner.

Footsteps scurry behind him, and Nagisa presses his hands on Haru’s hunched-over back to prop himself up for a better look at the fish tank. “They're so cute!” 

Makoto eyes Haru and the tank with amused exasperation while Rei mutters, “Chub mackerel… I should have guessed…”

Before they can enter the restaurant, though, a ring of boisterous laughter has them turning their heads.

“Ca—Captain Mikoshiba?!” Gou gasps.

Indeed, they find Rin’s predecessor strolling and chatting animatedly with a bespectacled middle-aged man. He glances up at the mention of his name, and a large grin splits across his face.

“Gou-kun! And Nanase-kun and the team!” Mikoshiba greets with a friendly wave.

“Good evening,” they chorus in unison.

Haru eyes the man beside Mikoshiba, so Makoto asks his question for him.

“Who is this, may I ask?”

“This is Toudou-san,” Mikoshiba introduces with a sweep of his hand in the direction of his companion. “He oversees all high school scouting for my university—Hidaka University.”

The scout nods at them in greeting, but Haru hardly registers it—his mind freezes the moment _scouting_ was mentioned. Of all times to run into a university scout, it _had_ to be the night before the regional tournament. Obviously, because Haru has horse shit for luck.

“A scout?” Nagisa echoes.

Mikoshiba nods. “As an alum, I thought I'd introduce some of Samezuka’s swimmers to him.”

“You mentioned a Nanase-kun, Mikoshiba-kun?” the scout asks. There's a gleam in his eyes that Haru doesn't like. “As in, Nanase-kun from Iwatobi High School?”

Haru’s shoulders go rigid. Even the Tokyo universities have heard of him?

Mikoshiba grins. “Yes, sir! That's the man!”

“Eh?” Gou gasps. “He's heard of Haruka-senpai?”

“Of course I have.” The scout’s eyes sweep the group before him before landing on Haru—he feels like a cornered animal with a hunter’s rifle pointed at him, just waiting for the bullet to fire. “Ah, you must be Nanase-kun. Nanase Haruka the prodigious freestyle swimmer. Who could forget you after witnessing how you swam at the Tottori prefectural tournament? We at Hidaka—along with many other universities, I'm sure—have had our eyes on you.”

It takes Haru all of his strength not to squirm under the scout’s piercing stare. It’s like he's breaking down all of Haru’s skills and stats into numbers he can use to his advantage—Haru wonders sarcastically why _that_ sounds familiar. All instincts are screaming at him to run back to his hotel room and lock himself in, yet his feet remain glued to the pavement.

“I sense that your talent has infinite potential,” the scout continues. “We can't allow that talent to go to waste—I’m positive you'll be able to climb to even greater heights. Everyone’s got high expectations for your race tomorrow, Nanase-kun.” He wields his smile like he is brandishing a knife.

Haru stares resolutely at the pavement, refusing to give the scout the satisfaction of meeting his eyes. If Haru had the strength to get rid of all sound in the world, he would never turn it back on again. All this crap about ‘high expectations’ and ‘potential’ does is remind him, again, of GREAT. After all, they too once said they “couldn't let his powers go to waste” even if that meant having to wait until he was nineteen before they could properly use him.

Filling in the gap for him, the rest of his team bids Mikoshiba and the scout a good evening. Mikoshiba wishes them luck for tomorrow' s tournament, though his stare seems to be pointedly focused on Haru. Is he hoping Haru would end up in the same university as him? Well, tough luck there.

“Haru.” Makoto’s eyebrows are creased together with his trademark mother-hen worry. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” Haru says curtly. Before the rest can pepper him with questions or point out how _weird_ he's feeling through the Bond, he pivots on his heel and marches back to the hotel.

Maybe he’ll just get room service—he's not even in the mood for mackerel now.

* * *

Unfortunately, lying on his bed while listening to the sound of Makoto’s shower pattering on the floor like raindrops does Haru’s racing thoughts no good. When he closes his eyes, all he can see are the scouts grinning with their teeth bared as well as the scientists from GREAT with their clipboards and syringes hovering over him. When he keeps them open, the scout’s words keep bouncing off the walls of his skull, refusing to give him even one minute of peace.

He needs to get out of here. He isn't sure what he's going to do outside, but right now he knows that what he needs is to be out of this stifling room.

Luckily for him, Makoto always turns his shower up to full blast, so the sound of water hitting Makoto’s body and the floor drowns out Haru’s footsteps. He slips through the door, down the carpeted hallway and to the bronze-plated elevator. The doors are so thoroughly polished, his reflection gleams off the surface. 

The elevator arrives after a few moments of waiting, but his blood freezes when he locks eyes with Yamazaki. Still, Haru isn't going to wait for another elevator to arrive or run away from Yamazaki. With his chin held high, he steps in, takes a spot between the panel of buttons and a hotel worker’s cart, and jams his finger against the button leading to the ground floor.

The tension in the elevator is so thick the hotel worker can probably feel it too. Even without turning around, he can feel Yamazaki’s eyes attempting to burn holes into the back of his neck. If it weren't for the hotel worker in their presence, he wonders what Yamazaki would say to him—maybe he’d rag on Haru about swimming for Rin or something about performing up to expectations at tomorrow’s tournament.

The elevator doors slide open upon arriving at the seventh floor. The hotel worker excuses himself before turning to wheel his cart of towels out. Just as his foot steps out and the cart crosses over the threshold, it lurches and the towels tumble off. Haru lunges for the falling towels from the cart, but he doesn't miss the way Yamazaki is about to grab them too but suddenly hisses, falters and grabs his right shoulder instead. He stumbles back against the wall where he watches Haru help the worker restack the towels on the cart, his expression unreadable. 

After thanking Haru, the worker leaves the elevator with all his towels safely on the cart. The elevator continues its journey downwards, and the tension inside can rival the suffocating humidity in Iwatobi right now. The air grows heavier and heavier with every quiet hiss of pain that forces its way through Yamazaki’s teeth. Haru frowns, remembering what Kisumi told him and Makoto the other day at the SC while Hayato was washing up after practice. He wonders if Rin knows.

He doesn't know what compels him to ask, “Your shoulder hasn't healed yet, has it?”

“What are you talking about?” Yamazaki snaps. Haru doesn't have to turn around to see the way Yamazaki has his hackles raised in defense.

“I ran into Kisumi the other day. He said he saw you at the hospital and that you were there to get your shoulder injury checked.”

Yamazaki clicks his tongue in annoyance; it seems like distaste for a certain Shigino Kisumi is one thing they both can agree on. “That bastard, I _told_ him not to tell anyone.”

Haru stares at the panel of buttons, questions lingering on the tip of his tongue but not daring to leave—what did Yamazaki do to hurt his shoulder this badly? Why hasn't it healed yet?

Then he wonders why he even cares. It’s none of his business—he shouldn't even have these questions since Yamazaki doesn't have anything to do with him.

_But does Rin know?_

The elevator stops at the third floor and Yamazaki strides out. His shoulders are still squared as if one side isn't in so much pain that he couldn't even catch a few fallen towels.

“Wait,” Haru says.

Yamazaki doesn't turn around. “It affect tomorrow’s race.”

Haru frowns. He doesn't need a Bond with Yamazaki to smell bullshit.

“But—” Yamazaki turns his head back to spear Haru with a dark glare. “—don’t you _dare_ breathe a word of this to Rin.”

Well, that answers Haru’s question.

With that lovely parting message, Yamazaki’s figure disappears into the distance, and Haru stays rooted in place until the elevator reaches the ground floor.

He doesn't want to imagine how badly Rin would blow up if he found out the truth about Yamazaki’s shoulder. Part of him thinks Rin has a right to know—being Yamazaki’s best friend—no matter how much it would surely hurt him; Haru has felt Rin’s boundless affection for Yamazaki through the Bond (as much as he'd really rather _not_ —it made him feel like a voyeur), and he knows firsthand how deeply Rin cares for the people he considers important, even at the expense of himself.

But as Haru exits the hotel into the stuffy summer night, he falls back to his default stance of “It’s none of my business”. Yamazaki should be the one to tell Rin, or it would break Rin’s heart even more.

With that issue out of the way, though, thoughts of scouts and GREAT return to flit through the recesses of his mind like particularly persistent ghosts. He half-wishes he had picked a fight with Yamazaki over his shoulder earlier, if only to take his mind off his own issues.

Instead, faced with a stretch of pavement and only a few pedestrians on it, he breaks into a run. It’s not his forte—moving on land has never been his strength when the water is where he truly belongs. But seeing as there's no body of water nearby to toss himself to, he settles for jogging down the hard asphalt, leaving his lungs burning, legs aching and demons whirling around in his head.

* * *

Blinding lights and deafening roars surround him. Haru winces—it’s too bright and too loud, too much for him to handle. Something in his core winds and tightens, until he feels like a spring coiled to its breaking point and still not given release.

Abruptly, the scene shifts. Now, he's in a quaint little coffee shop. The air smells like a sickening blend of coffee, vanilla and chlorine. The wooden table is too smooth under his sweaty palms. Even though it’s broad daylight outside, everything around him is oddly desaturated, like something has sucked all the life of colour out of the world.

When Haru turns his gaze from the window, he finds Makoto seated opposite him, but this… this is not _his_ Makoto. This Makoto has distorted shadows cast over his face. Frosty cruelty warps his normally warm smile as he stares at Haru—stares Haru _down_ —from across the table.

“It’s finally time, Haru.” His voice sounds like Makoto, but there is something distant in it as if he's a mere mirage and not really _there_ in front of Haru. “I wish you had told me that GREAT was gonna take you away, but it’s okay. Do your best at regionals, Haru, before GREAT comes!”

“What?” Haru chokes out, feeling like Makoto’s words have physically manifested into a fist and punched him in the gut. “How do you even—”

Like a jump-cut in a video, Makoto disappears and Nagisa takes his place.

“Today’s the big day, Haru-chan!” he chirps, but his smile stretches _too_ wide across his face for this lookalike to be the real Nagisa. “I bet lots and _lots_ of scouts will be watching you. GREAT will be in the stands too! They'll be rooting for you too! Good luck, Haru-chan!”

“I don't care about—wait.” Haru stares at him, horror turning his heart stone-cold. _Nagisa_ too? “How—”

Nagisa dissolves, and Rei is in the seat opposite Haru now.

“Logically speaking,” he says, pushing his glasses up, “it’s impossible for Haruka-senpai not to impress GREAT. After all, the tests conducted the other day proved to be a glowing success! Haruka-senpai, your powers will be such beautiful weapons of destruction—GREAT will be so proud of what they have made of you!”

Haru blinks. Before he can reply, he's transported to a darkened locker room, trapped on a bench while his friends loom over him.

“That's enough,” he snaps, his nerves on edge. “Stop it already.”

Nitori and Momotarou sprout out from the lockers behind him, cornering him with empty eyes and too-large grins.

“Nanase-san!” Nitori exclaims. “Everyone’s expecting great things from you tomorrow, even if it won't matter in the long run!”

“No way, Nanase-san, you're a _weapon?!_ ” Momotarou demands. “Then you'd better stay the hell away from my Pyunsuke and Gou-san! Gou-san shouldn't have to be near a monster like you!”

_What the fuck?_

Haru's breath leaves him in short, rapid successions. He gets up and stumbles back against a wall, but even his shadow morphs into Yamazaki.

“Swim already, Nanase,” Yamazaki growls. “And swim freely while you still can.”

Haru wrenches away from the wall, and his friends disappear like swirls of dust when he whirls around. He dashes through them, out of the locker room and down a Wonderland-esque hallway: a never-ending pattern of black-and-white checkers with walls that can't be distinguished from the floor and ceiling. He runs, but the tunnel ahead of him seems to stretch out even further with each futile step.

Amakata-sensei appears around a corner with a finger raised. “Nanase-kun, there is a famous saying that goes, _‘You mustn't run away. You will only find yourself in a dead-end alley_ ’.”

As if on cue, she vanishes. A tall steel wall comes crashing down, blocking the rest of the hallway. The floor trembles beneath the impact like the onset of an earthquake. With nowhere else to run, he stops and turns, only for a blinding beam of light to flash in his face. He flinches, raising a hand to shield his eyes.

Gou walks through the steel wall and joins him by his side. She grins at him, which freezes him to his core. “Haruka-senpai, look. Onii-chan is waiting for you, to see you off before you go!”

Between his fingers, Haru spots Rin’s silhouette glowing pure iridescent—that’s where the light is coming from. He holds out his hand to Haru with a sad smile, and his voice trembles with false bravado. “Let’s go, Haru, one last swim together before you leave us forever!”

Not waiting for Haru to make a decision, the world shifts around him. Now, it’s tinted with a filter of sickly yellowish-green. He's standing atop a starting block with a dull pool of no colour in particular in front of him. His feet are frozen there, as though he'd been standing there all along and didn't realise it.

He turns his head to look around him, and a scream nearly tears out of his throat. The swimmers on the rest of the blocks are bronze automatons with a scaly texture rippling underneath the metallic sheen of their ‘skin’. 

He glances up at the stands. Likewise, it’s filled with automatons dressed in either suits or doctor scrubs. Their eyes are blank, unseeing sockets with no iris or eyeballs or anything that can be considered _human_ in them. Most of them are holding clipboards or cameras. Their hollow sockets somehow seem to be fixed on him and him alone. There isn't even a single familiar face in the crowd.

When the whistle blows, the audience’s claps are mechanical and creaking, making his head hurt from the cacophony. Every breath he takes feels like a laborious task of consciously forcing oxygen through his nose, down his windpipe and to his lungs, then squeezing air out the opposite way. Even so, no matter how hard or deeply he breathes, there's never enough air in his lungs—they seem to constrict tighter and tighter with each inhalation.

“On your marks.” Even the referee’s voice is robotic.

Haru forces his stiff body to bend down into position, even though his aching chest protests the movements. He waits for the signal—except now, everything falls silent. 

_Deathly_ silent. 

He can't hear his gasp or breathing—he can barely even feel them. He tries screaming but nothing registers in his ears, not even a faint buzz to give him a shred of hope that there's at least a little bit of sound left in the world.

A hiss cuts through the deafening silence around him.

_“Go on, Haruka. Swim now and show us.”_

It's like someone has flipped on a switch for an explosion of sensations. The world is _too much_ now, blasting him with twisted screams of his name like bomb detonations and invisible flaming knives slashing down every inch of skin.

Haru whirls around and comes face-to-face with a GREAT agent. His eyeballs are rolling over the place in the sockets, and his wide grin reveals teeth that are not just crooked but _jagged_. He spreads his arms out and bellows.

_“Come on, Haruka! Show us how GREAT you are!”_

The shout startles Haru off the edge of the block. His stomach swoops up to replace his lungs, and his voice rips out of his throat in a wordless scream. 

Falling,

falling,

_falling._

He's hurtling through the air for what feels like forever, like he tumbled off a skyscraper and not a pool starting block. Echoes of _“Show us how GREAT you are!”_ bombard him like missiles whistling right past his ears. The rest of the world shrinks away as gravity drags him down into its clutches, down to the bottom where the pool is waiting to crush him from inside-out upon impact. He closes his eyes, bracing himself for death—

—and his eyes fly open.

Haru bolts upright, his covers tumbling off him in his panic. His heart is racing so hard it could burst right through his chest at any given moment. His head spins like he's trapped on a never-ending merry-go-round of bombs, toxic flames and GREAT agents. 

Instinctively, he glances over at the bed on his left. Makoto is sprawled on his back with his right hand stretched out as if seeking out Haru. This is an old habit of his—during camps in elementary and middle school, Makoto always clung to Haru’s shirt at night, afraid of falling asleep in an unfamiliar room. For that reason, their futons were always closer to one another than the others were. 

Currently, Makoto's face betrays no sign of fear. Instead, his features are smooth and relaxed with deep sleep. He's always been a heavy sleeper—the zombie apocalypse could start right now and he would snore right through it.

If Makoto had a nightmare, Haru knows he'd be awake in a flash, partly because he's a light sleeper, partly because of the Bond, and partly because his body just _knows_ when Makoto isn't okay even before his brain registers what exactly is going on. Somehow, though, Makoto has managed to sleep through the storm of emotions that must have rained upon him from Haru’s end of the Bond while Haru was still asleep.

There's no way Haru is going to wake Makoto up just because he had a nightmare. That's dumb. Besides, Haru can take care of himself. A bad dream is no big deal.

He runs his hands through his sweaty hair, cringing at the oily texture, then rolls back on his side facing away from Makoto.

He doesn't dare go back to sleep.

* * *

Haru goes through the motions of the next morning in a zombie-like stupor. Perhaps the others talk about things that might be important to today’s tournament—he wouldn't know. After last night’s nightmare that definitely wasn't a big deal, he's trying to keep his mind purposefully blank even if that means missing out on what the others are saying.

But someone mentions something about university scouts in the stands, and he flinches like someone has pressed the barrel of a gun to his forehead. Images and echoes of voices wrestle into his previously empty mind with all the aggressive force of a military invasion.

_Scouts. Impress them._

_GREAT._

_You're not swimming for yourself—it’s all for GREAT._

_You will never be free._

The announcement for the men's sixth 100-meter freestyle heat jars him out of his head. With nausea burning his throat, Haru climbs down the stairs from the stands to the locker room. Relying purely on muscle memory, he slips off his clothes, folds them up and places them in his locker, leaving on just his jammers, jacket, goggles and cap.

Once he is as ready as he’ll ever be, he heads to the poolside and strips his jacket off. Today, he and Rin are in different heats, so there's no one he recognises in his line-up. Flashes of last night’s dream invade his mind. In a panic, he examines each and every swimmer, checking for any hints of bronze metallic skin or empty eye sockets. Even though the other swimmers look like ordinary high school boys with ordinary human skin and ordinary eyes, the nausea refuses to leave him alone. Not helping matters is the worry from the other Bonds. He tries to transmit some vague sense of _'I'm okay, don't worry'_ through the Bond. Whether they feel it or not, he doesn't know or get to find out because the whistle blows.

He steps onto the block with his cap and goggles on his head. When he looks up at the stands, he spots adults— _scouts_ —with their notes and cameras ready. All eyes are trained on him.

_Why do they want me so badly? Why can't I just swim for myself, for once in my life?_

Without warning, the scene distorts before his eyes, and he's sent back to the desaturated world of his nightmare. The silence threatens to blow his eardrums out of his head; he can barely feel himself, let alone the block beneath his feet. There's no one else around—just him in this abyss of _nothingness._

A warning whistle blows, startling Haru out of his head. The other swimmers have already gotten into position. With a body that's far too heavy for him to bear, he bends down. For the first time, he finds himself _dreading_ swimming.

Nevertheless, when the final whistle rings out through the stadium, his body moves on its own based on nothing but muscle memory. He soars, suspended in the air for a split second before breaking through the surface of the pool.

The water is, at least, a space he’s intimately familiar with. He knows the flow of it rushing over and past his body; he recognises the sound of bubbles humming in his ears.

But the white-hot blades of the eyes above the surface still manage to cut through the water to reach him.

For the first time in the pool, he's not free.

And perhaps because of that, the water is now refusing to accept him.

An invisible rope—fluid and smooth like it is a manifestation of the water itself—lashes out and wraps around his left ankle. It yanks him back, hissing, _These scouts are from a future that's not yours._

Another wraps around his other ankle and winds up his calf to his thigh. _You won't be able to swim with your friends anymore, let alone even swim in a university if you do get scouted._

No matter how hard he thrashes, the ropes dig deep into his legs, determined to cling to him. He chokes, bubbles fuming through his nose and mouth in a furious stream as he feels himself sinking. 

In a desperate attempt to free himself, his hands claw with the desperation of a drowning man at the surface of the water—but a third rope pulls his arms and ties them behind his back. _Your friends can blow up at any given moment and you can't do anything to stop it._

A fourth one, a final one, winds around his neck. It reaches up to cover his nose and mouth like a gag. _Why do you even bother? This will all be for nothing. You can't do anything about GREAT._

And just like that, Haru gets what the water is trying to tell him. It’s right; he can't do a single thing about GREAT.

But he _can_ do something about the scouts.

He can't swim like this, not with the weight of the invisible watery bindings around every inch of his body, choking him where he remains paralysed in the water’s hold. With nothing else he can do, he surrenders to the water’s power—he lets the ropes around his legs pull him down, until his head breaches the surface and his feet touch the ground. Only then do they release him, but they linger in the shadows cast by his body, as if to remind him that he isn't really free even if he can't see them.

Distantly, like he's a stranger in his own body, he registers the horrified shock from the yellow, green and red Bonds but he is numb to it all. The gasps and stares from everyone in the stadium can't penetrate the hollow husk around him.

 _Are you satisfied?_ he wants to call out to the scouts. _Is this the guy you want to scout for your university?_

Haru remains where he is until the other swimmers have completed the race. When a lifeguard rushes to pull him out of the pool, he ignores the man’s calls of “Nanase-kun? Are you okay?” and his proffered hand. He ducks under the lane markers, drags his feet to the poolside and hauls himself out, pointedly disregarding the lifeguard’s questions. He snatches his jacket from behind the starting blocks without a word, then slinks to the locker room to dry off.

He gets maybe half a minute of peace and quiet before red explodes in his mind.

“HARU.”

Haru sighs but turns around to lean against the locker; he won't give Rin the satisfaction of slamming him against it in some kind of display of dominance.

Rin storms right up to him and seizes his arm. His nails dig grooves into Haru’s skin, but after what Haru went through in the pool with the invisible bindings, he can't be bothered to feel pain from Rin’s fingernails.

“What the _actual fuck_ were you doing?” Rin growls. “What the hell possessed you to do that?!”

“It has nothing to do with you,” Haru mutters, fixing his eyes on a drop of water on the floor beside Rin’s foot.

“Like _hell_ it doesn't! This was an important race, Haru. There were all these scouts watching!”

Haru grits his teeth so hard it’s a wonder they don't shatter. “What do I care about that?” In contrast to Rin whose voice escalates in an argument, Haru’s lowers until it’s barely above an icy hiss to freeze hell over fifty times. “What if it matter if scouts are watching me? What does it matter if I set records in front of a crowd? I don't swim for any of that.”

Rin draws back for a split second before leaning in even closer than before, so Haru gets a good close look at the redness of Rin’s eyes blazing like a volcanic eruption. “Then what _do_ you swim for?”

“For now?” Haru huffs bitterly. “For myself and my friends.”

“Fine, then _swim_ for those friends’ and your own sake!” Rin snaps. He grabs Haru’s other arm, keeping him pinned against the locker. “But what you do out there—the kinds of fucking stunts you pull—it’s gonna affect you futu—”

That's enough.

Haru wrenches his arms out of Rin’s grip and slams his fist against the locker behind him. The impact is hard enough to leave a dent in the metal and stinging bruises on his knuckles, but the anger roaring through him is enough to drown out the pain.

“I thought _you_ were the only one who understood me," Haru growls. He barely even recognises his own voice. “ _Future?_ What future? You of all people should know I don't _have_ one! I'm not like you—I’m not _free_ like you.”

“But you _will_ be. Give me more time, I swear I—”

“Just give up already, Rin. I told you last year—it’s inevitable, so fuck off with your stupid, useless optimism. I don't have a future, I've never had one, and there isn't anything anyone can do to change that.”

Rin’s fist strikes the locker beside Haru’s head. “You don't know that!” he yells, but his voice chokes up towards the end. “You don't know how fucking hard I've been working for _your_ ungrateful ass—”

“Then why am I still waiting?”

Everything in Rin freezes, even the inferno in his eyes. There doesn't seem to be any air in his lungs when a tiny “Huh?” escapes him.

“I'm still waiting, aren't I?” Haru continues, unable to stem the flow of his tirade. “You told me the same thing a year ago, yet here I am, still without a future. Why have you kept me waiting for a future you and I both know is not possible?” Panting heavily, he glares at Rin, who looks like someone just slapped his face and kneed him in the balls at the same time. “You get it now, don't you? You finally see how useless it all was? I can't keep clinging to a hope of a future I _know_ will never happen, so I never even started to begin with. Maybe it’s time you gave up too.”

Rin continues staring at him—or staring _through_ him. His eyes are vacant and his hands frozen, one hanging by his side and the other still against the locker.

Like a silent storm, Haru pushes past Rin. With all his emotions boiling at volcanic temperatures, he barely feels the _lack_ of power flowing through him or the absence of scales rippling under his skin despite his emotional turmoil. He doesn't even notice the shock and hurt from the red Bond, or the yellow and green ones lighting up until he bumps into Makoto, Nagisa and Rei at the doorway. 

“Haru…” Makoto whispers. His hand reaches up, as if for Haru, but it drops back down to his side.

Similarly, Rei murmurs his name but Nagisa seems stunned into silence, like he has forgotten he's supposed to be the one talking at a million miles per hour.

Fuck, how much did they hear? Haru takes one look at their faces creased with worry, and he decides what they need right now isn't an explanation.

Instead, he forces his fury at Rin down. “It’s okay. Nagisa, Rei, Makoto—I’ll swim the relay with you. That's what I've come this far for.” 

_Not for the scouts or GREAT, but for the friends I swim for._

The others exchange looks, as if unsure of what to make of his declaration—or maybe suspecting that there's something going on that he isn't telling them. Nevertheless, Makoto nods at him.

“Let’s go then, Haru.”

Haru falls into step behind them, leaving Rin still standing there like Haru just stabbed him in the gut.

* * *

Sousuke has been sitting under the freezing cold shower for nearly ten minutes, but the aching fire in his shoulder refuses to let up. In the isolation of the bathroom he found in the back of the complex, there's no one to hear him if he screams. Unable to hold them back anymore, he lets his tortured whimpers tumble out from between his clenched teeth.

His shoulder has been a real bitch lately. It started during practice last week with Kazuki dropping a stack of kickboards. When Sousuke leaned down to grab them, he must have pulled the muscle too much or went for the boards at the wrong angle or _something_ because now the pain is apparently here to stay. 

Tears burn in his eyes. His shoulder has never given him this much pain ever since it first broke down, as long as he didn't overwork the injured area and showed up for his doctor appointments regularly, which had made him miss practice several times. He knows Rin was suspicious of where he’d kept disappearing off to even if he never said anything, and Sousuke is grateful for that. Rin is the absolute last person Sousuke wants to see him in such a pitiful state.

Unfortunately, he has to make do with this shitty shower as he has run out of painkillers, and the over-the-counter ones don't do shit for his shoulder. As a last-ditch attempt last night, he snuck out of his hotel room and dropped by the twenty-four drugstore two streets away, but he couldn't find anything even remotely strong enough to numb the pain. After that crushing disappointment like the universe was laughing at his misery, it took him nearly an hour to find his way back to the hotel with the help of Google Maps, even though it had taken him only fifteen minutes to get to the store.

Trying to catch the fallen towels in the hotel elevator only aggravated the injured area even more. Meeting Nanase didn't make things any better. _Of_ _course_ Nanase of all people would find out the truth from that Kisumi bastard. Being one of Rin’s closest friends, Nanase is in a prime position to tell Rin the truth, so Sousuke only has a flimsy hope that Nanase is a guy who at least honours his promises to cling to.

_Rin can't see me like this._

His muffled sobs continue to go unheard.

* * *

After that disaster of a confrontation with Haru, Rin places third for his 100-meter butterfly. He knows he can do better than that, but considering the kind of mental state he was in, third place isn't _too_ bad. Besides, he has other more pressing concerns right now.

He can't do anything about Haru for now, so he decides to seek out the other person who has been giving him grief lately—Sousuke. Earlier when they were practising their relay exchanges in the warm-up pool, Rin noticed that Sousuke had faltered during the last ten meters. His right arm had stiffened before sinking underwater while his left arm continued going through the motions of the butterfly stroke. If only Rin had a Bond with Sousuke, he'd be able to determine what Sousuke’s problem is for himself. Instead, he has to wander all-fucking-over the building before finally finding Sousuke in a hallway situated at the back of the complex, hunched over on a bench opposite a vending machine. His expression is pinched, as if in pain, and filled with the clouds of a midnight storm.

“What's wrong, Sousuke?” Rin asks. “Did something happen? Ai’s worried about you, y’know.”

Sousuke lowers his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

People only say that while not making eye contact when they're lying. Sighing, Rin sits down on the bench beside Sousuke. “You were off during our practice in the warm-up pool this morning too. It was like you… you _blanked_ for a second there.”

“I told you, nothing’s wrong.”

“You've been skipping practices too. Where have you been going?”

Rin winces when Sousuke doesn't even try to come up with a half-assed lie. Rin knows he should've asked earlier—that’s what a responsible captain would have done—but the part of him that is Sousuke’s best friend wanted to trust that Sousuke could take care of himself. But now Rin can't go on ignoring the warning signs and red flags anymore.

Wait. What if… 

Rin gazes at Sousuke, horror creeping over him. “Sousuke, don't tell me you're—”

“ _I'm telling you, nothing’s wrong!_ ”

Rin just continues staring at him, unable to find words. Sousuke only has an outburst like that when it concerns something serious, which _has_ to mean Sousuke is hiding something from him—and Rin is done with secrets. He's done with being the one hiding them, and he's done with being the one whom the secret is being hidden from.

He gets up and heads to the vending machine. He slots the coins in, taps a button, and a can of soda tumbles out. After taking it, he pauses. If Sousuke really is injured, what Rin is about to do may hurt him even worse. But if Rin doesn't know the truth…

 _I'm sorry, Sousuke._

“This is on me.” 

Rin tosses the can, aiming for Sousuke’s right side. Sousuke reaches out with his right arm, only for his face to suddenly contort with pain. His arm falters mid-air, and the can sails past his outstretched hand, slamming into the wall behind and rolling under the bench.

That just about confirms it.

“You hurt your shoulder, didn't you?” Rin whispers, praying for once in his life to be wrong.

Sousuke doesn't say a thing, which in itself is an answer. 

Rin steels himself up, then marches forward and grabs the right lapel of Sousuke’s jacket. “Let me see.”

“Rin, _don't,_ ” Sousuke rasps. He seizes Rin’s hand, trying to tear it away from his jacket. On most days, Sousuke can do more bench presses and lift more weights than Rin can. But when faced with the prospect that someone he loves is hurt or threatened, Rin becomes an unstoppable force. The strength in Sousuke’s bigger hand is nothing as Rin wrenches the jacket off his shoulder.

It’s so, _so_ much worse than Rin could ever imagine it to be. The swell is large and angry, bruised so red it’s turning _purple_ in alarming contrast to the rest of Sousuke’s tanned body. Sousuke averts his head, as if unable to bear being exposed to Rin like this.

Numb with horror, Rin drops the jacket lapel. “How long has it been like that?”

“This morning,” Sousuke mutters. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Don't give me that crap! There's no way an injury _this_ bad happened just this morning.”

Sousuke sighs as a sad smile emerges on his face. “I really can't lie to you, can I? You're right—it happened about two years ago, from over-training.”

Two… two _years?_

Wait. None of this is adding up to what Sousuke told Rin a few months ago when he first transferred to Samezuka.

“But you said you were scouted,” Rin says, now his turn to plead, desperate for any proof that none of this is happening. “You _told_ me you had a university to go to!”

Sousuke’s voice is devoid of emotion when he replies, “Sorry, it was all a lie. I don't have anywhere to go to.”

No. No, no, _no._ Rin’s brain refuses to accept this. First Haru told him that he didn't have a future, and now Sousuke is telling him that he _lied_ about his? This is the same Sousuke whom Rin sang praises about his honesty to Nagisa at that playground?

Several girls pass by them, giggling and chatting and oblivious to the fact that everything is crumbling down before Rin's eyes. Sousuke suggests taking this outside, and Rin silently nods, trailing behind Sousuke until they reach a clearing of trees. The blue Bond glows brighter than before; Haru must be nearby, but Rin can't be bothered about him right now, not with Sousuke and his wrecked shoulder and _lies_ in front of him. Sousuke leans back against a tree like this is just an ordinary chat, while Rin stands before him with his shaking fists and too-fragile heart.

“Why, Sousuke?”

Sousuke continues staring at the grass as if he didn't even hear Rin.

“Fucking _answer_ me, Sousuke!” Rin yells. “Why did you lie to me and transfer to Samezuka?”

Sousuke lets out a long, deep sigh. “Since you've got me cornered like this, I guess I’ll talk.”

And so, he tells Rin everything—how hard he trained in middle school, because Rin was fighting on his own in Australia, to make his dream of swimming on the global stage with Rin come to life, increasing the intensity of the training in high school until there was no one left who could beat him—and then, one day, the beginning of the end.

“Sousuke, why…”

Sousuke’s smile isn't bitter or longing, just sad. “It didn't start as anything major— just small bouts of pain every now and then. I ignored the signs and continued swimming. But I was an idiot—it became more and more obvious as time went on, no matter how much I tried to ignore it. _‘How can I give up on my dream over something like this? I still have a long way to go before becoming stronger and faster than anyone else.’_ That's what I told myself.

“Eventually, my shoulder broke down completely, the summer after my first year in high school. Of course it broke down after the shit I put it through.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly. “Around that time was when I heard from Gou—she told me you'd returned home. But I didn't want to see you; you were the one person I couldn't bear to see me so shattered and weak like that.”

“I would never!” Rin cries out. “Sousuke, you know I won't _ever_ look at you like you're any less—”

Sousuke holds up a hand to stop him. “Rin, please. Let me finish.” When Rin presses his lips together in a tight line, Sousuke continues, “I went to the hospital, got checked and all that, then began my endless spiral of recovery and decline. Rehab, breakdown, rehab again—I repeated that cycle every day. I even had to miss a few tournaments—and big ones too—because of my shoulder. My teammates started surpassing me, and my impatience grew every day. I was just… so fucking miserable.

“Then one day, it just occurred to me—my dream's never going to come true. No matter how many times I go through physical therapy, my shoulder will just inevitably break down again. That's why—” He pushes himself off the tree. For the first time that afternoon, he makes full and unwavering eye contact with Rin.

“That's why I've decided to give up swimming.”

Those few words hit Rin harder than a shotgun shot to the heart could ever hope to achieve. He… he really won't get to swim with Sousuke again? Not in university if Rin chose to go to the same one as Sousuke because Sousuke was never even scouted to begin with, and not _ever?_

Rin’s voice is shaking as badly as his hands. “Give… give up swimming?”

Sousuke nods. “But before I did, I wanted to see you swim. It was at last year’s regional tournament.”

Rin can't make sense of the pain wrenching his chest, so he blurts out the only logical thing he can think of right now. “You saw that race…?”

“Yeah. Since you shared the dream I once had, I wanted to watch you swim one last time. But what I saw—it was you in pain. I… I couldn't even _imagine_ how you had become like that. I’d always believed you could overcome any obstacle in your way and keep pushing forward. I wanted to find you and ask you, so I ran out into the hallway. But I froze when I overheard what you said—that you were gonna quit swimming. When you stormed past me, I wanted to call out to you but I was just—I froze.

“But then, during the relay with Nanase and the other guys, you…” A small smile dances on Sousuke’s lips. “Rin, you came to life and swam like a totally different person. You looked really happy, laughing together with your friends. In that moment, when I saw that, a new hope was born in my empty heart. As tiny as it was, it was a new dream—a dream to swim with you again. _You_ were my dream, Rin. Back then during our elementary school days, I wasn't able to realise how precious it was to be able to swim with friends. But now…

“I’m going to quit swimming—but before I do that, I want to _truly_ become your friend. Rin, _with_ you!”

Rin’s jaw goes slack for a moment, but sweet words can't do anything about the tornado of emotions tearing through him—horror that Sousuke working hard to achieve his dream was what, ironically, led to him being unable to fulfill it. Despair for Sousuke who's had to wake up to that living nightmare every day for years. Guilt, because _he_ was the one who pushed Sousuke into wanting to match his passion for relays, because he didn't even _think_ to ask until the last and worst possible moment when the damage was too great to be reversed anymore… and because he was too preoccupied with GREAT and Haru to even _try_ to find out why Sousuke had been skipping practice and acting weird lately.

Rin grits his teeth to keep the tightness in his throat at bay. His eyes burn, and he snatches Sousuke by the front of his jacket to yank him closer—to feel the full throttle of Rin’s rage.

“ _Why_ didn't you tell me sooner? _Why_ did you hide all this from me? _Why?!_ ”

Sousuke still has the nerve to smile at him when he answers, “Because… I knew you would cry.”

That is the stupidest fucking reason Rin has ever heard, but it doesn't stop the tears from rolling down his face or the lump in his throat from thickening, until he can barely choke out a weak “I'm not crying” before burying his face in Sousuke’s chest to hide his tears.

“You idiot,” he whispers as he stains Sousuke’s shirt. “You absolute fucking idiot.”

Sousuke stands there, letting Rin sob against him. Rin shakes and tightens his fists around Sousuke’s jacket. Perhaps if he holds on to Sousuke long and tight enough, he can somehow transfer the strength in his own shoulder to Sousuke’s. He hangs on to Sousuke’s jacket like a prayer. He can't let go—he can't _bear_ to let go, not after he just had the crumbled remains of his world go up in flames.

Gently, Sousuke takes Rin by the shoulders, moving him back. Rin ducks his head and wipes his arm across his damp face.

“Let’s go, Rin,” Sousuke says. “The relay is starting soon.”

“What the hell are you saying?” Rin demands, though his voice is too fragile to actually snap at Sousuke. “You can't swim in your condition.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“If you push yourself, you might never be able to swim again!”

Sousuke smiles. It’s as real as the love which he regards Rin with as he says, “Fine by me. That's what I had intended from the start.”

But Rin never gives up on someone _he_ loves, and he's not too proud to beg. “No way! I won't let you do that.”

“C’mon, Rin. We were finally able to form a team with Mikoshiba and Nitori—especially Nitori. The kid worked too damn hard for me to just give up now. Let me swim.” 

Rin refuses to accept this bullshit. There is no way he's going to let his best friend put himself through hell and throw away the dream he'd spent his whole life working for just to swim in Rin’s relay. When he said he wanted serious teammates on his relay team, he never in a million years meant _this._

“No, I can't,” he pleads. “Sousuke, _please._ It’s not too late to find someone else to take your place. You don't have to give up on your dream just like that. _Please._ ”

But Sousuke is unwavering in his stance. He stands tall and strong, even when his shoulder is wrecked. “I promise you, I’ll swim it all the way through to the end. I want to swim—I want to swim the relay with all of you, my teammates.”

Fresh tears well up in Rin’s eyes and spill down his face. “But—”

Materialising out of nowhere, Ai and Momo’s voices overpower Rin’s protest.

“Let’s swim the relay together, Rin-senpai, Yamazaki-senpai!”

Startled, Rin hastily wipes his tears away before facing them. “Ai, Momo… when did you guys get here?”

Instead of answering him, though, Ai declares, “Ever since I saw your relay at last year’s regionals, I've wanted to swim the relay with you, Rin-senpai! Because of that, I had Yamazaki-senpai coach me at night after practice, and now the day to swim together has finally come.”

“He's right!” Momo chimes in. “If we all put our strengths together, a huge miracle’s bound to happen! That's what the relay is all about, right? I want to swim the ultimate relay with the four of us—the ultimate team that _you_ created, Rin-senpai!”

Rin can't believe this. He can't even speak—his throat has completely closed up with no sign of reopening anytime soon.

Finally, he was able to form his ultimate relay team five years after his unforgettable experience with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa. He was able to find teammates who could match his passion for relays—that had been his criteria for choosing relay members on top of their actual times. But it had to come at the _worst possible_ time, the one time Rin _doesn't_ want to swim a relay. He knows he's a selfish person, but he draws the line at making Sousuke destroy his shoulder and dreams just to satisfy Rin’s whims.

“Hey, Rin,” Sousuke calls, smiling. “Show it to us too—a sight we've never seen before. We wanna see it.”

With those words, a new light brighter than the sun filtering through the tree branches or the moonlight guiding the ocean’s wave shines before Rin’s eyes. In front of him, Momo, Ai and Sousuke stand, grinning at him with anticipation. This is it; this is his ultimate team.

He forces himself to come to terms with it: no matter what he says or does, Sousuke is his own person. He makes his own decisions. This one to quit swimming—it mustn't have been easy to make, yet he did it. In fact, he was strong enough to declare it to Rin with a smile and actually _mean_ it.

If that's the case, Rin has to respect and respond to Sousuke’s strength.

He blinks away the last of his tears and joins his team, newfound resolve lifting his chin up high.

“Let’s all do our best, then.”

* * *

If Makoto were someone cruder—like, say, Rin ( _Sorry, Rin!_ )—the best way to describe the current situation would be as follows: gone to shit. Haru has disappeared off to who-knows-where after _stopping in the middle of his race_ and yelling at Rin. Though Makoto would never dream in a billion years that Haru would actually _stop swimming,_ it was the latter that really punched him in the gut. In all the years he's known Haru, he has never witnessed Haru raising his voice that loudly and reacting so _violently_ to a friend. Even towards the people he isn't particularly fond of like Kisumi or Yamazaki, he simply acts standoffish but never outright _confronts_ them like he did with Rin just now.

The other person that worries Makoto is Rin. After Haru yelled at him, Rin didn't perform nearly as well as expected in his 100-meter butterfly. It was a shame, because he did _excellent_ for his 100-meter freestyle race —he placed first with a time good enough to win the finals at _nationals_. But now, it’s like Rin’s emotions have taken a nosedive for the worse for some reason after that high—anger, sadness and _betrayal_ makes his red Bond glow bloody.

And as for the yellow one… 

Well, Nagisa is probably a little disheartened after not qualifying for nationals in the 100-meter breastroke, but he deals with loss with his usual brand of plucky optimism. After his race, he let himself mope a little before bouncing back with a bright “It’s okay, I'm just gonna have to work _super_ hard to make it next year!”

No, that's not the reason why Nagisa is cracking at the seams now. Given the sheer amount of pain, anger and despair from both the blue and red Bonds, it doesn't surprise Makoto when Nagisa breaks down too. In fact, he's surprised Nagisa managed to hold himself together for so long.

A lone tear slides down Nagisa’s face. “Why… why can't everyone just be happy and get along? First Haru-chan _stopped_ in the middle of his race, and now—now…” His voice cracks as he starts blubbering. “And now, Rin-chan is really sad and I can tell he's crying—I can feel it and everyone is upset and… and…”

He buries his face in his hands, dissolving into incomprehensible sobs. Alarm crosses Rei’s face, and he hastily wraps his arms around Nagisa to pull him close, letting Nagisa wail into the sanctuary of his chest. Seeing that Rei has Nagisa taken care of, Makoto leans back against the wall, thinking. When his siblings are upset, it’s easy to cheer them up—the things that upset them are everyday things that he knows how to deal with, like someone who was mean to them at school or a bad grade or just a rotten day. All Makoto would have to do is hold then, listen to what they have to say, and sometimes hum their favourite song to calm them down. 

But for Nagisa—it’s hard because the cause for _his_ tears is partly the Bond, but also because of issues Rin and _especially_ Haru are facing that the rest of them don't know about. Makoto doesn't have an inkling about how to help with any of that. Try as he might to be understanding of the fact that Haru is allowed to keep things to himself, it still stings that Haru is intentionally keeping Makoto and the others locked out of the loop.

Regret starts to rise up like vomit in Makoto’s throat, but he forces it down—Nagisa doesn't need to feel any worse. Even so, Makoto can't help but think there _had_ to be more he could've done to prevent what had happened to Haru earlier. He seemed spacey and preoccupied last night, even more so after meeting Mikoshiba and the Hidaka U. scout in the streets. And when Makoto woke up this morning, there was something _off_ about Haru. He was restless even when he tried hiding his hands in his pockets, and the blue Bond was duller than usual. Haru brushed his concerns aside with a mutter of “I'm okay”, but he obviously _wasn't_ and Makoto really should have done more to find out why.

New footsteps patter down the corridor at the same time as the blue Bond lighting up.

“Haru!” Makoto exclaims.

Instantly, Nagisa peels himself away from Rei and wipes his face dry. He gets up to greet Haru with a sunny smile like he wasn't just crying his heart out seconds ago. Likewise, Rei stands too, though he keeps a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder.

“Sorry I'm late,” Haru says.

“Haru… are you okay?” Makoto ventures hesitantly. “You and Rin, I mean.”

“He's not upset because of me, and I'm not upset because of him.” Although Haru’s expression betrays nothing, there are some traces of guilt emanating from his Bond. “Don't worry about me, I'm okay. Rin will be okay too.” His eyes land on Nagisa and widen. “Nagisa, were you…?”

Nagisa’s smile is wobbly as he wipes away the last of his tears. “I'm fine, Haru-chan.”

The last thing Haru needs right now is to feel guilty about being partially responsible for Nagisa’s crying on top of everything else, so Makoto changes the subject.

“Haru, do you know why Rin’s so upset?”

Haru stiffens, glancing away. “That's between him and Yamazaki.”

Fair enough. The relay is about to start soon, so Makoto ushers his team to get changed and then head to the pool in a single file behind the other teams. In front of them is Samezuka’s relay team with Rin bringing up the rear; in front of him is Yamazaki, except…

 _So Kisumi was right,_ Makoto realises, horror washing over him. He winces at the sight of the reddish-purple swell of Yamazaki’s right shoulder. _His shoulder really is injured._

“What happened to Sou-chan’s shoulder?” Nagisa gasps, aghast.

“Does he intend to swim in that condition?” Rei asks skeptically. “There's no plausible way Rin-san would approve of that.”

“Yamazaki saw our relay last year,” Haru says. “After watching us, he found his dream and learned what it truly means to swim with friends. He also realised he wanted to swim the best possible relay with the best possible team, even if it meant destroying his shoulder. That's why I want us to respond to his wish with all we've got—we’ll show him a sight he's never seen before.”

Makoto stares at Haru, stunned. He has never got the vibe that Haru liked Yamazaki all that much, but he supposes you can hold a degree of respect for someone even if you don't like them, especially if that person is important to someone else you care about.

Makoto nods with newfound resolve. If Yamazaki is going to be giving this relay his all, Makoto doesn't want his effort and pain to go to waste.

The first whistle blows. He sheds his Team Iwatobi jacket and lines up behind the block beside Momotarou, determined to give Samezuka the relay of their lives.

* * *

Haru and Rin’s hands slam against the wall at practically the same time. Haru has no idea who has won or if they've tied until he removes his goggles and looks up at the scoreboard.

Iwatobi has beaten Samezuka by a fraction of a split second and taken first place.

“We did it, Haru!” Makoto cries out as he hauls Haru out of the pool.

Haru barely gets a chance to reorientate himself before Nagisa pounces on him with a beam on his face to put the stars to shame. “We’re going to nationals! We’re really going to nationals!”

“It’s like a dream… a beautiful dream,” Rei murmurs, sounding choked up.

Excitement and delight pours forth from all the Bonds—including the red one. Haru glances to the side, where Rin is beaming proudly at his teammates.

“You guys…” Rin says reverently _._ His eyes glimmer with tears. “You _all_ did amazing!”

Momotarou whoops before leaping and all but tackling Rin and Yamazaki into a group hug, with Nitori joining in when Rin yanks him close.

“That was the freaking best!” Momotarou cheers.

“Jeez, Momo-kun,” Nitori laughs.

Even though Yamazaki’s shoulder has swelled up even worse than before—it gave up on him during the last fifteen meters, and he powered through the lap with nothing but sheer willpower—his surprisingly gentle smile betrays no sign of pain.

“Everyone… thank you,” he says in the softest tone imaginable.

Shock crosses all their faces. Haru blinks. That's a side to Yamazaki he never would have guessed.

“Yamazaki-senpai,” Momotarou says in a teasing croon, “that whole ‘soft’ thing you've got going on really doesn't suit you.”

Rin and Nitori burst into laughter, though Rin’s eyes linger on Yamazaki even after Nitori has stopped chortling. His gaze is awestruck, like _he_ was the one who was shown a sight he'd never seen before in the pool even though he was the one who’d promised Yamazaki that.

A sappy Rin is gross, but that's better than a heartbroken Rin sobbing into Yamazaki’s jacket like he'd been forced to watch as everyone he loved being tortured to death or something just as dramatic. In fact, Rin’s pain had become so potent through the Bond that Haru had to get up and leave to give the two of them some space. 

Now that Rin is smiling again, Haru turns back to his team, satisfied despite today’s shitty start. He's helped in a small part to bring his team to nationals—which has been their goal ever since they first started the club—and he gave Yamazaki a relay worth the sacrifice of his shoulder.

Well, at least he did a few things right today.

* * *

After a meeting with Sugimoto-sensei about those who will be advancing to nationals, Rin returns to his dorm. The first thing he spots is Sousuke’s bare torso, save for the black brace around his right shoulder. 

It has been a week since the regional tournament. The day after that, Sousuke went and got himself that brace at his doctor’s recommendation. Rin had been conflicted between accompanying Sousuke so he wouldn't have to do it alone, and not wanting to go because that would mean having to accept that nothing can help Sousuke’s shoulder now; he can mitigate the pain with the brace and painkillers, but nothing will actually fix it. Saving him from having to make a decision, though, Sousuke insisted on going by himself, citing that Rin would be busy with captain duties and preparing for nationals. 

Sousuke turns to greet Rin with a smile that sends warm butterflies fluttering through his stomach, even in Rin's despondent mood. “Hey, good practice today.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Rin mumbles halfheartedly. He isn't sure how ‘good’ it could be considered, since Sousuke spent the entirety of it not in the pool. He's still active on the team—he has taken up mentoring Fujinuma to take his place as the butterfly swimmer on the relay team, as well as coaching other younger members the way he did for Ai—but not seeing Sousuke _in_ the pool… it’s weird. It's like a part of Sousuke has died and now they're making adjustments in their lives so things can go on as per normal, whatever the fuck 'normal' is supposed to be.

“Oh yeah, some airmail came for you,” Sousuke adds, pulling a shirt on and saving Rin from having to look at the shoulder brace any longer. He points at a crisp white envelope lying on Rin’s desk.

Huh, he hasn't gotten mail in a while. Curious, Rin plucks the letter up—and his eyes go wide when he reads the sender’s name and address. _Australia?_ That can only mean…

“Is it good news?” 

The chances are pretty fifty-fifty, but Sousuke doesn't need to know that. 

Instead of answering, Rin asks hesitantly, afraid of the answer, “Hey, Sousuke… what are you going to do after graduation?”

Sousuke folds his arms, as if in deep thought. “Not sure. Maybe I’ll go back home and help my dad run his restaurant.”

And… that's it. Truthfully, Rin didn't want to think about it during the past few days, preferring to enjoy the bliss of placing first in his freestyle event and second with his team in the relay, as well as drowning himself in captainship duties.

But whether he likes it or not, the reality of Sousuke’s situation is finally starting to sink in. Sousuke won't be able to swim anymore because of his injury—that’s why he's thinking of going back to help with his father’s restaurant.

“So you're… you're really going to quit swimming.”

Sousuke’s answer is a simple “Yeah.”

_And it’s my fault, all because I demanded for teammates who could match my passion for relays._

_All because I made Sousuke fall in love with me._

A warm hand lands on Rin’s shoulder, gently bringing him out of his spiral of self-hatred.

“C’mon, don't make that face,” Sousuke says, smiling at Rin. His face is close— _very_ close. “My dream already came true last week."

_But at what cost?_

For once in his life, however, Rin is too tired to continue fighting. He's hurting too badly to even lash out anymore; acceptance, though excruciating, is the better option. 

Although he mentally kicks himself for getting too close to Sousuke, he still lets his forehead drop to Sousuke’s shoulder to hide the tears that are threatening to form.

The envelope is still in his hand. At this point, Rin will take just about anything to distract himself from the pain, even for a minute. 

Using his head and hair to block its contents from Sousuke’s view, Rin rips the envelope open with his teeth. Enclosed in it are a crisp sheet of folded paper and two tickets. And they're not just any old tickets—they’re _plane_ tickets. To Australia.

Well, it’s a good thing he has a week-long break coming up soon, then.

* * *

Of all the ways Haru was expecting to end his day today, none of them entailed bumping into Yamazaki—almost literally—right outside his school.

"Yo, Nanase."

“What do you want?” Haru asks, defenses rising. He wonders if he can reject a fight—he really isn't in the mood for one right now.

“At the tournament, you stopped in the middle of your race,” Yamazaki states.

This crap again.

“That's none of your concern,” Haru says coolly.

Yamazaki shrugs his left shoulder. “Maybe not, but it does concern Rin. If you stop, Rin could end up stopping too.”

“You've come to hound me about that before. Why do you care so much?”

“I still don't acknowledge you, but you're important to Rin. You understand that, don't you?”

Haru’s tone takes on a hard edge when he snaps, “So what?”

“Swimming with you brings out Rin’s best—he needs you.” There’s something resigned in Yamazaki’s tone, like there is an unspoken _“But not me”_ omitted from the end of that statement.

Haru sighs. “Why are you always so concerned about Rin? Rin this, Rin that. It’s like you're obsessed with him.”

Yamazaki’s stern glower remains on his face, unfazed. “I want him to swim on the global stage—the one that I can't be on. You have incredible ability, I can admit that much. Plus, I don't know what it is, but Rin is fighting really hard for you. That's why you've got to quit wasting time already. Wake the hell up, Nanase, and take a step forward. Rin’s fighting for you, so you gotta fight for yourself too, you got that?”

Haru sorely wants to retort, to tell Yamazaki to fuck off and focus on taking care of his shoulder instead of fussing about other people's business, but no words leave him. There's no way Rin would tell Yamazaki the truth of what happened six years ago—Rin cares too much about Yamazaki to drag him into this. Then that just means Yamazaki is a lot more perceptive than Haru would've initially guessed. What a bother. 

“That's all I came here to say. See ya.”

With that, Yamazaki whirls around and disappears around the bend. Thankfully, Haru is spared from having to dwell on Yamazaki’s words when the green Bond lights up with surprise.

“Haru?” Makoto exclaims. “What are you doing here?”

Haru shrugs. “Just—thinking.” 

Makoto laughs. “It’s a nice place to think. Well, since you're here, shall we head home?”

Haru nods. He starts ahead, and Makoto catches up with his larger strides until they fall into the same pace by one another’s sides. With an air of his usual cheer, Makoto makes small talk about how nice it is to walk home together because it's been a while since they'd got to do that—Haru has been staying late every day to swim, even on the days they don't have practice. 

The truth is, Haru has been using that time to try and communicate with the water. While it hasn't threatened to hold him hostage like it did during his freestyle race at regionals again, it’s been… quiet. Haru doesn't feel much of anything when he dives into the pool. It’s almost like the water has stopped accepting him and is avoiding him. He doesn't know what to make of the hollow ache in his chest; even the water seems to have abandoned him. Now all he has left are his friends. August is coming to a close too soon; September will be upon him, then October, November, December, January… and February. Summer—and the rest of the year, for that matter—really is too short for his liking.

Haru glances at Makoto, who is still smiling and gesturing with his hands as he talks, and an odd thought strikes him. They didn't have practice today, so Makoto should've returned home first since Haru wanted to swim alone today.

“Makoto, what were you doing in school this late?” 

Makoto’s hands freeze in the air, and his smile wavers. “Umm, I was just… I was just talking about, uh, this and that with Ama-chan-sensei.”

And he didn't tell Haru about it. There is only a small handful of things that Makoto would feel the need to talk about with Amakata-sensei alone. Old familiar spikes drag down the inside of Haru’s chest, but he ignores the sensation even as it hisses and froths inside him. Makoto is entitled to his own privacy. He didn't need to tell Haru about his coaching gig at Iwatobi SC Returns, and likewise he doesn't need to tell Haru about what he was discussing with their homeroom teacher if he doesn't want to. With that in mind, Haru responds with a curt “I see” before letting silence drape over them like a fog.

They pass by large structures of plastic eggplants and zucchinis lining the roadsides, along with lights strung across the street lamps and empty wooden booths scattered like stars across the beach. It’s almost time for the Obon Festival—Haru’s last Obon Festival in Iwatobi. According to a poster they pass by on a green bulletin board, there's going to be a fireworks display too. Makoto suggests going with the team to catch it, and a bittersweet smiles curls over Haru’s lips as he nods in agreement.

After texting Rei and Nagisa (Gou has already made plans with Chigusa, or they would've invited her too), they resume their walk back home. Makoto chats idly about how excited Ran and Ren are for the festival, and Haru nods and gives a small hum of acknowledgement whenever Makoto pauses. 

The stone staircase to their homes comes into view. At the landing where they part ways for the day, Haru bids Makoto his usual “Later” and is about to climb up—except this time, Makoto calls his name with an urgency indicating he has something more than a goodbye to say. Haru pauses, waiting.

Makoto’s lips press together in the way they do when he's nervous or hesitant about something. “I, um… I want to talk to you. About, uh, post-graduation plans—”

Haru’s eyes narrow. “I'm done talking about that.”

“No, wait! I didn't mean—I just wanted to tell you about m—”

Like a saving grace, Ran and Ren scurry out of their front door and fling themselves at Makoto.

“Welcome home!” 

“Dinner’s ready! Mom made your favourite!” 

“Oh, lovely,” Makoto says, petting their heads. “Hello to you two, too.”

The twins turn from pouncing on their brother to peer up at Haru with large puppy eyes.

“You too, Haru-chan,” Ran orders. “Let’s all eat together!”

Despite his mood, Haru forces a smile for the twins; they deserve that much, at least. “I’ll pass for today.”

“Aww, but Haru-chan hasn't been over for dinner in _forever!_ ”

“C’mon, Ran, Haru’s had a long day today,” Makoto chides.

“You'll have dinner with us next time, right?” Ren asks, still fixing Haru with those large puppy eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” Haru says. He hopes he doesn't sound as half-hearted as he feels.

"Yay!" 

“Bye-bye then, Haru-chan! Come visit us soon!”

“Yeah, later.”

Haru turns and climbs the stairs back to his house, leaving behind two disappointed and one worried stares behind him.

* * *

The beach is a breathtaking sight to behold during the Obon Festival. Golden lanterns stud the deep blue ocean like stars that have descended from the night sky above them. Townspeople in all manners of colourful clothes ranging from everyday casual wear to elegant yukata swirl around on the white sandy shore, which is untouched by litter or pollution for the most part. For his last festival at home, Haru is not disappointed. He’s not the sentimental type, but nevertheless he takes this sight and carefully burns it into his soul for safekeeping, since he's gotten to see it with his friends. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Rei gasps, starry-eyed.

Nagisa grins, swinging his and Rei’s clasped hands together. “It totally is!”

He leans up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to Rei’s cheek, causing Rei to turn beet-red and squawk indignantly at Nagisa about PDA while Makoto chuckles. Haru rolls his eyes, but he can't keep his smile off his face. It’s nice seeing Nagisa and Rei so happy together, even if it was quite a tumultuous road they had to take before getting together (or so it was, according to Nagisa’s theatrical recount, complete with full stage production, during a truth-or-dare session with Samezuka at a joint training camp in June).

However, the mood doesn't last long because good things don't last in life, especially Haru’s. Nagisa’s lovestruck wonderment at getting to be at the festival with Rei is temporary—Haru would almost call it a farce if it weren't for how honest Nagisa is about his feelings all the time—and when it vanishes, it’s replaced by grim determination.

“Hey, Haru-chan?”

Haru refuses to let his shoulders tense. “What?” 

The way Nagisa peers up at him—it’s as though he is trying to reach something in Haru, like his soul or something. “Before we swim at nationals,” he starts, his tone uncharacteristically somber, “there's something Rei-chan and I want to say, ‘cause we’ve got a feeling that all of us can't swim together as a real team unless we do.”

“Nagisa-kun is correct,” Rei agrees. “Haruka-senpai—Nagisa-kun and I have admired your swimming for a long time. Whenever I watch the way you swim so freely and not bound by anything when you're in the pool, I find myself wishing I could swim that way as well. But now that you're no longer able to swim freestyle at nationals, your swimming just isn't… it isn't like _you_ anymore. Nagisa-kun and I—we would like for you to swim in front of the whole world, so that more and more people can witness your swimming. And then, if those people were to be moved like us and begin to aspire to swim like you too—I cannot imagine anything else more wonderful.”

“But that's not all, Haru-chan.” A crease forms between Nagisa’s eyebrows. “Mako-chan, Rei-chan and I overheard a bit of what you said to Rin-chan after you—your _free_ race. I don't—I don't really understand what you said but—” He lets go of Rei’s hand to grab Haru’s sleeve. “—it’s not true! Haru-chan, you're so talented and amazing. You can do _anything_ you wanna. You _do_ have a future, Haru-chan, I _know_ you do! So all you gotta do is believe in it and fight for it.”

There they go again, talking about ‘fighting’ for something like Haru could ever stand a chance of winning. Perhaps he would in an alternate universe where he's just an ordinary guy and not a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid. But that is not the world he belongs to and trying to believe anything otherwise is just stupid wishful thinking. 

Haru peels Nagisa’s hand off his sleeve, lowering his head so his hair falls over his face. “I wish you understood,” he mutters.

Not waiting for a reply, he turns and stalks up the stairs to the overlook above the ocean. He takes his spot at the railing, looking at the golden lights in the water but not really _seeing_. A year ago when he was standing at this very spot, he was unsure of anything in his life anymore because he thought Rin hated him and didn't want to swim with him anymore. This year, he has never been more sure of anything regarding his life and future. 

Footsteps resound on the stone stairs, and the brightness in the green Bond lights up a notch. Haru can practically feel Makoto’s gentle smile when he says, “I thought I’d find you here.”

_Of course you would—you watched me walk up here._

Haru keeps his eyes trained on the ocean below, not speaking a word. There's nothing left to say to Makoto.

Or so he thinks, until Makoto is by his side, so close that Haru can practically feel his warmth—but his next words make Haru wish there was an ocean of distance between them instead.

“I don't think you can go on like this either, Haru,” Makoto says, slow and careful. “Until now, I figured that if this was what you wanted, it was fine. No matter what Rin said, I wanted to respect your feelings and wishes. But… what you said to Rin at the regionals tournament—that you didn't have a future… I mean, like Nagisa said, I didn't understand half of that conversation. But if you truly want to stay the way you are, I won't say anything.

“However, if it’s just that you can't find your dream, I… I would want you to find it, Haru.”

Haru scoffs. “You want me to _find_ it? Is that really something you can have just by looking for it?”

“I mean, you have to start somewhere—”

“Forget it. I have nothing to explain to you. I don't want to talk about this anymore.”

Haru pushes himself away from the railing and tries to slip past Makoto, but Makoto grabs his hand. “Wait!”

Haru whips around, trying in vain to tear his hand out of Makoto's grip. “Let go of me!”

“No, _listen_ to me, Haru!” Makoto pleads.

“It’s always the same fucking thing no matter how many times I listen. I can't have a future or a dream just by looking for it. In fact, there's no point in even trying. I can't change the way that I am or the way things are, but I'm fine with it.”

“That's a load of crap and you know it!” Makoto cries out. “The truth is, you _have_ a future and you _want_ to find your dream too. Haru, I just—I want you to find that dream and go soaring into the world to chase it. I _know_ you have the strength to do anything you want!”

Haru reels back, utterly _betrayed._ Having Rin, Yamazaki or even Rei and Nagisa spew this crap at him is one thing—but from _Makoto…_ it makes his blood curl in disgust. “What the—even _you're_ saying that now?” he demands.

“It’s because I _know_. You’re so talented, Haru, you can do absolutely anything you put your mind to.”

“Like what, being a genetically-engineered mermaid for hire?”

Makoto flinches like Haru just punched him in the face. “But that's… there's no way—they’re gone, aren't they? We destroyed the lab, and your gramps chased them out of the country. Haru, you're _free._ You are, aren't you?"

Haru silently curses himself but he can't stop himself now. “None of that shit matters. Who I swim for, what I swim for—that’s all been decided _for_ me already! I'm not free and I’ll never be free, but I've come to terms with that. I’m perfectly fine with it, as long as—”

“ _But you're not fine!_ ”

Haru freezes. In all seventeen years of their friendship, he has never heard Makoto raise his voice like that, least of all to _Haru._

“You're _not_ fine and _everyone_ can see it—that’s why we’re all telling you this!” Makoto shouts, even as his eyes grow brighter and wetter. “Nagisa, Rei, Rin and I… it’s because we _love_ you, Haruka!” Desperately, he squeezes Haru’s hand three times. “We care about you, so why the hell can't you understand that? You _are_ free; you've been for years. All we want is for you to find your dream and have a happy, successful future—”

A growl rips out of Haru’s throat. Violent fury tears through him, driving his body forward and Makoto backwards.

“Are you even _listening_ to yourself?” Haru demands. “You don't understand a single word of what you're saying, so fuck off with all your bullshit! All you do is meddle with everyone’s business. A dream? A future? You keep preaching on your fucking soapbox about finding mine, but what about _yours?_ ” 

“Haru—”

“Stop going off about _my_ future when _you_ haven't even decided on your own!”

Between Haru’s anger roaring in his ears, a tiny glimmer of hurt from the green Bond filters through, but Haru is too wrapped up in his own storm to notice. His breaths come out heavy as he watches the turmoil of emotions roil over Makoto’s face. In contrast to the buzzing flurry of hurt, anger, hesitation, and fear in his end of the Bond, Makoto’s entire body is frozen still.

“Well?” Haru demands. “Say something already! You've got a lot to say, don't you? So why don't you go off again and try to convince me—”

Makoto lets go of Haru’s hand.

Haru stares at his hand, still suspended in the air between them, while Makoto’s drops back to his side.

“Haru, I _have_ decided. I… I'm going to a university in Tokyo.”

And of course, right at the precise moment Haru’s entire world has frozen, crumbled down and completely blacked out, the fireworks go off. They cry in the sky before shattering into a shower of bright colourful tears above them. Each explosion feels like a knife in the back, but the one that stabs right through his heart sounds like the words _“I'm going to a university in Tokyo.”_

Makoto is going to be leaving him.

For real. For fucking _Tokyo._

This entire time, he thought he was the one who was going to leave Makoto, and he thought he was okay with that or had at least come to terms with it. But _being_ left by Makoto—

It’s real. The future is a real thing, as real as university after high school, as real as GREAT counting down the days before taking Haru away. When they do, he will be leaving his friends behind, but time won't stop just because he's gone. Things _will_ change with or without him. The lives of his friends won't stay suspended in some kind of frozen capsule of memories. Just like how he will move on to becoming a weapon and being used to kill, they will move on to chase their dreams, fall in love if they aren't already besotted with someone, pursue careers, build homes of their own and maybe even start families. 

Without him there. 

It’s like he is no longer here already.

Worse still, Makoto didn't even _tell_ him. Makoto has always confided in him about pretty much everything—the new cartoon Ran and Ren started to fight over, workplace gossip he heard from his mother, a new show he’s thinking of watching but is scared to because some reviews said there were jump-scares so would Haru please watch it with him… or so Haru thought. Those lips that could kiss all of Haru’s fears of the future away without even realising it—those were the same ones that didn't tell him about Makoto’s plans until the worst possible moment. Why is that Makoto can confide in him about trivial everyday things but hide such big, life-changing decisions from him? Did he lose Makoto’s trust somewhere along the line—and if so, when did it happen?

So Haru lost his best friend’s trust even before he lost said best friend.

“I meant to tell you sooner,” Makoto mumbles, his expression downcast. “I meant to—I just… I couldn't find a way or the right time to say it.”

It's not like it fucking matters anymore.

“I don't give a damn—do whatever you want!” Haru yells. 

He whirls around and bolts, ignoring Makoto’s cry of his name. He takes the stairs down three at a time. Pain jolts across the soles of his feet when he lands on the sand from the third step, but he doesn't stop running—he can't. 

Tucked away in a corner of the beach with their heads on their knees, Rei and Nagisa catch sight of him. Haru ignores their calls too, focused only on getting as far as possible away from everything and everyone. The fireworks are too loud; the lanterns are too bright; the ocean is too wide. 

Given the way his heart is trying to rip itself open, he's fully expecting for his scales to tear through his skin. He would readily welcome the pain of his power consuming him, if only to drown out the ache in him that feels like Makoto’s hand releasing his. 

But they don't come. Just like Makoto, his scales have abandoned him too. His own powers have betrayed him—just like the water, just like his friends. 

One tear slips down, then another two and three, until his vision is so blurry he nearly trips over his feet several times. He stumbles up the stone staircase to his house, into it and up the wooden stairs to his room. Too exhausted to take a bath, he just rips his clothes off—they’re just disgusting reminders of what a nightmare of an evening this has been—and collapses into his bed. He wraps his blanket around himself like a cocoon to block out the rest of the world. 

Haru must have fallen asleep at some point while he was crying into his pillow, because the sound of his doorbell ringing jolts him into unwelcome consciousness. He curls up tighter in the safety of his blanket, but the ringing continues incessantly. The red Bond is lit up, buzzing like an aggravatingly persistent wasp.

Groaning, Haru rolls out of bed, pulls on his shirt and pants from last night before staggering down the stairs to the front door.

“What…?” he grumbles.

In stark contrast to Haru’s rumpled clothes, puffy eyes and face that's streaked with the dried remains of last night's tears, Rin is dressed in a white tee, black jeans and a red flannel tied around his waist. For some reason, he has a large duffel bag slung over a shoulder—it's much bigger than his usual school bag.

“Yo, Haru. Pack your shit and grab your passport; we’re leaving.”

“What?” Haru repeats, staring incredulously at Rin. “Where are we going?”

Rin's smirk has Haru regretting ever giving Rin his address.

“Isn't it obvious? Australia!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :') please comment and kudos if you enjoyed! 
> 
> god this was hard to write. i cried multiple times. my betas were sobbing. who knew an anime about a group of pretty high school boys swimming could cause so much pain? also i just want to say miyano mamoru's voice acting when rin was all like "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET?" was absolutely impeccable. like, holy fuck just thinking about all the raw emotion in his voice makes me cry ;;
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to :'D


	22. the greatest thing he ever did was believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin said it’s difficult for him to find his path when Haru is not there in the same pool as him. Perhaps the converse could apply to Haru too. He doesn't know, but what he does know is that for whatever reason, he feels like he's on the cusp of some kind of epiphany where choice will collide with fate and everything will thereafter fall into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry (belated) christmas! i hope everyone had a safe and wonderful christmas if you celebrated, and if you didn't i hope you had a good break :D i can't believe the decade is going to end soon (and if you're reading this in the new decade, i hope it's treating you well), so i guess it's fitting that the last chapter of the decade would mark a huge turning point in this story.
> 
> also, **all dialogue spoken in English is indicated in italics.** now without further ado, the chapter.

Haru seriously can't believe that this is his life, that he is actually on a plane to freaking _Australia_ of all places. He's lucky that his passport hasn't expired yet—it’s a good thing his grandma took him to renew it two years ago or he wouldn't even have been let into the departure hall, and he and Rin would have to make their awkward way back to Iwatobi. 

He slumps down in his seat by the window, feeling like absolute crap. The yellow and green Bonds are dull and dormant in the back of his mind for the first time in his life, and they have been so ever since the plane took off. The only bright and active is the red one, because Rin is right beside him in the middle seat. Rin offered to give him the window seat when they boarded, and Haru was too miserable to argue. He didn't care where he was as long as he could get as far as possible from Iwatobi after what had happened last night. The hurt in the green Bond was so potent that Haru couldn't stand to be in Makoto’s presence any longer, but now he can't feel anything in it anymore. If he doesn't think about it, he barely even notices the subdued green threads in the back of his mind. He wonders if this is how Rin felt when he first made the big move to Australia, all lonely and miserable because he couldn't feel his Bond with his friends anymore due to sheer distance. 

But perhaps Haru’s situation is worse than that—he has never been apart from Makoto like this in all eighteen years of his life. Even when Makoto’s family went away camping in the mountains, the green Bond still glowed dimly in the back of Haru’s mind, reassuring him that Makoto wasn't too far away. But now he is.

Haru glances out of the window and sighs. All he can see outside is the too-clear, too-blue sky outside adorned with wispy white clouds. The plane is so high that he can't even see the ocean below anymore.

“You can roll down the window if you want to—there’s a shit ton of UV coming in,” Rin says. He has one earbud in while the other dangles in front of his chest. “You'll just have to roll it back up when it’s time for landing. Safety protocol and all that stuff.”

“What are we going to Australia for, anyway?” Haru mutters. “To take down GREAT for once and for all? If that's your grand plan to free me, we should've just done this years ago.”

To Haru’s surprise, Rin shakes his head. “I've been thinking about this for years, Haru. I kept trying to come up with different plans, all sorts of alternatives, but now…” He pauses, worrying at his lower lip. “I'm thinking that maybe we can't do this alone anymore. Maybe we need Makoto and Nagisa on board too.”

Haru shoots up in his seat, anger flaring through him. His skin tingles with scales tucked underneath, ready to burst through. “No, we don't. I'm _not_ putting them in any more danger than they already are."

“Don't you think I know that?” Rin, however, doesn't sound defensive, merely tired. “But we can't take them down on our own, either. Just the two of us—it’s impossible.”

“If that's the case, why didn't you bring them along?” Haru challenges. 

“That's not the purpose of this trip.”

Haru reels back before narrowing his eyes in suspicion. Sydney, which is where this flight is headed towards, is where GREAT’s main headquarters is. For what other reason would Rin be bringing him there if it’s not to get tangled up in GREAT’s affairs? “Then what is it?”

“Tell you later,” Rin yawns. “I'm gonna take a nap. You should, too; it’s a thirteen-hour flight.”

Haru stares at him in abject horror. He has to endure thirteen hours on a cramped budget flight to a foreign land with no one but Rin for company? “You're kidding me.”

Rin slips the other earbud into his left ear. “Afraid not. Get some shut-eye at least if you can't fall asleep. Wake me up when the food cart comes around.”

Haru grumbles under his breath and leans his head against the window. At least there's in-flight entertainment. Hopefully they have his favourite dolphin documentaries on the mini TVs.

“Oh, by the way,” Rin adds, “don't worry about GREAT finding you.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” Haru asks, nothing short of apprehensive. “I'm pretty sure they have trackers and shit in me.” 

“They probably do, but it doesn't matter. It’s not time for them to take you. Plus, your powers are still not completely developed yet, so there's no point in them coming for you. What's the business term? A waste of resources? Yeah, it'd be that.” 

With that, Rin pulls his cap over his eyes and folds his arms, nodding off to sleep. If Haru doesn't need so desperately to get away from Iwatobi, he would be regretting ever giving Rin his address.

* * *

After landing in Sydney and taking a bus from the airport, Haru finds himself in a park. The ground is made of reddish-brown bricks, which is a sharp contrast to the stone flooring and wooden bridges back in Iwatobi. Haru is used to the parks at home holding some air of mystique and serenity, but all that is oddly absent here with its bright splashes of colour and loud children. 

Rin leads him to a fountain. Water jets upwards in a smooth arc before gently dispersing into millions of tiny droplets and falling back into the fountain like rain. Rin gives Haru a knowing look, but Haru just sits down on the edge, back facing the fountain. The water isn't speaking to him, hence why he doesn't want to be in it. In fact, just being near water reminds him of the golden lanterns bobbing in the ocean below him—and, consequently, the look on Makoto’s face when Haru called him meddlesome. Haru’s throat burns, threatening to seize up. He hates the water for reminding him of that night. But more than that, he hates himself for even saying all that in the first place.

So wrapped up in his self-loathing, Haru doesn't notice that Rin has disappeared until the red Bond dims by a notch. Alarmed, Haru’s head snaps up. All around him are foreign faces—people of different skin tones and accents speaking a language he's barely familiar with—and now that Rin is nowhere to be found, Haru has never felt more out of place.

Why did Rin just get up and leave him without saying a word? What's Haru going to do in a foreign land if Rin isn't here to bring him around? He doesn't have enough of his own currency to buy a plane ticket back to Japan, never mind Australian money—Rin is the one who exchanged his yen for Australian dollars at Tottori Airport, and he said it was enough for the both of them. Even if Haru did have enough money of the correct currency, he can hardly speak or read English, so trying to purchase a ticket would be hell if not downright impossible.

Anger rises up in him with fear as he calls out Rin’s name, ignoring the odd glances from the locals in the park. What else was he expecting from Rin, honestly? It’s just like Rin to drag him all the way from Iwatobi to Australia and then just abandon him the way everyone else seems to be taking turns to do.

“Haru.”

Haru whirls around and finds Rin holding out two bottles of chilled water. 

“I bought us some drinks,” Rin explains. “Figured you might need them after that long flight and bus ride.” He frowns as he takes in Haru’s expression and the emotions kicking up a storm in the blue Bond. “Something wrong?”

Haru’s mouth curls into a scowl. “Don't just run off like that.”

He's expecting Rin to argue back and justify his sudden disappearance with an excuse like “I just disappeared for, like, three minutes to buy us some drinks, jeez”.

Instead, Rin just apologises and joins Haru on the edge of the fountain, placing the bottles between them. In fact, there's none of Rin’s trademark fire bursting through the Bond when he removes his cap and murmurs, “Sorry about what I said at the tournament too. I… I didn't think about your circumstances and how you must've felt. I shouldn't have assumed we were on the same page about things. I shouldn't have forced my feelings on you, either. Sorry about that, Haru.”

Haru blinks and stares. Rin is… _apologising_ for something? Who is this, and what did they do with the Matsuoka “take-no-prisoners” Rin that Haru knows?

“But I do want you to understand this,” Rin adds. A strangely gentle and shy smile curls on his lips as he ducks his head. “I've… well, I've always admired you.”

Haru is seriously starting to wonder if Nagisa was right and alien doppelgangers _are_ a thing after all. Where on earth did that even _come_ from? Or did being in Australia flip some switch in Rin and cause his personality to do a full one-eighty? The questions are on the tip of Haru’s tongue, but they promptly vanish when Rin puts his cap back on and stands up again.

“Ahh, I feel better now,” he announces, stretching his arms. “Just needed to get that off my chest. Well then, wanna get going?”

“Where?”

Rin glances back at Haru’s stricken expression and chuckles. “You don't have to look so worried, man. I brought you to Australia because there's something I absolutely _have_ to show you, but that's for tomorrow. As for our first stop today—well, you'll see it when we get there.”

They head to a bus stop opposite the park, board the first one that arrives, and take the last row of seats on the mostly-empty bus. It’s about a forty-minute journey with clear traffic before they arrive at a beach—Bondi beach, according to Rin’s enthusiastic tour-guide narration. If there is something else bubbling under the surface of nostalgic enthusiasm, he covers it up well.

Haru isn't sure how to describe it, but Sydney is just… _really_ different from Iwatobi. The air is less humid, though Haru supposes it's because it’s winter here whereas it’s summer back home. The people are taller, broader and louder than what he's accustomed to. Some of the girls are around his height, which takes him by surprise; he has never given the topic of height much thought before—he didn't even realise he had to look down to make eye contact with Gou until he thinks about it now—and he feels even more out of place in this strange country. Even the air by the beach smells different from Iwatobi’s. The last time he was at Iwatobi’s beach, it smelled of food, fireworks and heartbreak. Bondi beach smells like simple sea breeze more than anything else.

Rin leads Haru across a patch of verdant grass to the golden-white expanse of Bondi beach. Haru’s shoes sink lightly into the sand. It’s soft, though not so much that he feels like he's about to fall into it with one misstep. Ahead of him, the crystalline blue ocean ebbs back and forth in gradual cyclic waves. Surfers in wet-suits holding tall and colourful surfboards stand by the shore, chatting. Seagulls flock on the sand, probably hunting for scraps of food left behind by previous beach-goers. Other than them, the beach is empty. It’s probably too cold for most people to be out and about on a beach, especially with the sea breeze chilling Haru’s face as it blows past him.

“What do you think?” Rin tosses over his shoulder with a grin. “I figured a place where you could see the ocean would help you relax.”

The closer they get to the ocean, the stronger the wind gets, like it’s a warning for Haru to stay away from the water. Hence, that's what he does. While Rin kicks off his shoes and rolls his pants up to his knees to frolic in the low tide, Haru sits on the sand. He draws his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He watches the ocean, but it doesn't speak to him. Of course it doesn't.

Rin turns his head back, still smiling. “Join me in the water, Haru.”

“I don't feel like it,” Haru mutters. Being near any body of water, but especially the ocean, just makes him think of Makoto. When he gazes at the deceptive calm of the ocean, he swears he can see golden lanterns floating on its surface like shrapnel left behind after a bomb detonation, hear fireworks exploding above him but failing to drown out Makoto’s voice whispering, _“I'm going to a university in Tokyo.”_

Surprise sparks from the red Bond. “What?” Rin asks, sounding equal parts nonplussed and amused. “Who is it that's usually so quick to start stripping whenever he sees water?”

Haru glares at the sand beside his sneakers. “Shut up.”

“I have to admit, though, I was positive you'd never agree to this trip. Even _I_ thought I was nuts for thinking I could convince you, but you really did come along. Did something happen?”

“I just don't want to be over there right now.”

Rin’s eyebrows arch upwards. “Did you and Makoto have a fight or something?”

Haru flinches. That's it—it was a fight. The simple word drives a thorn straight through his chest as the image of the hurt on Makoto’s face and the feeling of Makoto letting go of his hand flash through his mind.

“Hit the nail right on the head, huh?” Rin sighs. “C’mon, man, it’s just one fight. Sousuke and I fight all the damn time—it happens.”

Is that something to brag about, especially if it hurts this badly? Haru doesn't understand how Rin can admit something as painful as that with an easy smile, if Rin feels even half as strongly about Sousuke as Haru does about Makoto.

Haru doesn't even know why he's telling Rin this or why some part of him thinks Rin would know how to fix it, but the words come spilling out of his mouth before he can think twice.

“It was my first fight with him.”

Rin sucks his lips in before releasing them with a soft ‘pop’ sound. Even though Haru can feel Rin’s surprise, Rin doesn't ask the questions Haru was expecting. Instead, he shoots Haru a reassuring smile. “Hey, don't worry about it. The Bond—it’s gonna be fine. The both of us have already established it’s pretty much impossible to destroy, remember? Besides, it’s just one fight. When you love someone, fights are inevitable. I'm honestly surprised you guys managed to get through, what, seventeen years of knowing each other without a single fight.”

Haru nods. Now that he thinks about it, he isn't sure how in all the years they've known each other, they have never had an actual fight up till now. They have had their disagreements, but they're mostly just over minor stuff, and they usually managed to side-step the issue neatly before it can escalate into something as bad as that night. 

“But like I said, don't worry about it. I'm positive everything will be fine once the two of you have had some space to cool your heads.” Rin pauses, as if to think. “That reminds me—Makoto finally decided what he's gonna do after graduation. He said he wanted to tell you as soon as possible.”

Haru freezes. If Rin is right, and Haru doesn't see why Rin would have any reason to lie… that must mean Makoto wasn't trying to keep it from him because he didn't trust Haru anymore. In fact, it was _Haru’s_ fault for not even giving Makoto a chance to talk to him about it. When he thinks back to all the times he was with Makoto prior to the fight, he realises Makoto _did_ try to tell him about it. At the staircase when they were heading home together, Makoto even specifically said he wanted to talk about post-graduation plans—it wasn't to ask Haru about his, but simply for Makoto to tell Haru about _his_ own plans. 

And Haru had the nerve to tell Makoto that he didn't give a damn. He lowers his head to rest his chin on his knees, convinced he’ll never be good enough to raise it to look at Makoto ever again.

Rin turns around from kicking at the low waves and grins at Haru. “Doesn't looking at the ocean like this make you feel calmer?”

Haru lifts his shoulders in a barely-there shrug. It’s doing nothing but making him feel worse at the moment.

Rin is no Makoto, but he's gotten pretty good at reading what Haru wants when the situation calls for it, even when Haru himself has no idea what it is. As if to distract Haru from his guilt, Rin tells him about his initial anxieties when he first arrived in Australia six years ago—not knowing how to speak the language, feeling smaller than everyone else in any given room, social customs that didn't make sense to him—but gazing out at the broad expanse of the ocean relaxed him because it reminded him that his friends in Japan were over there on the other side, looking out at the same ocean. 

Rin pads over, rolls his pant-legs back down, slips his shoes on, and joins Haru’s side on the sand. He continues narrating what his life was like in Australia—the struggles he faced since all his classes were taught in English while he hardly knew the language, the cultural barriers he ran into when trying to get to know his classmates and vice versa, and so on and so forth. But the hardest was, unsurprisingly, swimming.

Rin’s smile is sad, as if he's mourning the loss of wide-eyed innocence in his younger self. “It was a harsh slap in the face from reality. I learned that even if I was pretty fast in Japan, it didn't mean much at all here in Australia. It was the first time I had ever hit a wall—didn’t do my self-esteem wonders, as you could probably tell from my shitty attitude when I returned home last year. The more I swam, the more I realised how big the gap was between me and the others. I was lost—was that really all the strength I had? Was all my hard work useless when I squared off against those natural prodigies? Was that all my dreams were ever going to be—just dreams left unfulfilled? I didn't know. Even now, I'm still trying to figure it out.”

Somehow, Haru understands the point Rin is trying to make in his oddly roundabout way of storytelling and ruminating on the past—the world is huge, and the sheer vastness of what it had to offer has shaped Rin into the person he is today.

“I've heard enough,” Haru says. “I get that while I stayed in Iwatobi, you saw all kinds of things and had all kinds of experiences.”

“Ah, well, it wasn't all wonderful,” Rin admits quietly. “I've got some pretty tough memories about this place to deal with, but there's plenty of good too, like my home-stay family. They were wonderful to me, really like a second family in my second home. I… I had lots of mixed feelings about returning here. I went through some crazy shit when I got tangled up with GREAT, and even up to now I still get, like, flashbacks and nightmares. Sometimes they're triggered by strangely specific things; other times they're just… I don't know, it’s weird. Anyway, my point is—this trip isn't just for you to get away and clear your head after your lovers’ fight with Makoto, though that is the primary reason. It’s also to help me come to terms with everything I went through. I don't want to be afraid of Sydney anymore, especially since it holds a lot of precious memories among the painful ones.”

Haru would never say it out loud, but a part of him has to respect Rin’s strength. He had a complete breakdown when he learned about his grandma’s death, and he didn't even know how it had occurred. Meanwhile, Rin was there when the bullet went straight through her chest, yet he's strong enough to return to the place that must have a place of its own in his nightmares. And it’s all because Haru got mad and lashed out at Makoto that night.

Rin gets up, patting sand off his backside. “C’mon, let’s go! There's one more place I wanna stop by before we head to the hotel.”

* * *

“Ehh? Rin-chan took Haru-chan to _Australia?!_ ” Nagisa screeches, nearly knocking over his carton of strawberry milk in shock. “No fair, I wanna go to Australia too!”

Rei shakes his head. “I fail to understand this situation. Why would Rin-san suddenly decide to go back there, especially with nationals right around the corner?”

“I spoke to Rin about the situation with Haru,” Makoto explains. He pockets his phone after showing Nagisa and Rei his rather amusing conversation with Rin. “I never imagined he'd bring Haru to _Australia_ of all places, though.”

“What could Rin-san possibly be hoping to achieve?”

“Who can say?” Makoto replies, resting his elbows on the rooftop railing. “I don't know, either. But I do believe that this trip—well, it’ll probably be something special for Haru.”

This is one thing Makoto can't do for Haru. He has a feeling that whatever Haru is dealing with, it goes deeper than just swimming, and only Rin knows what it is. Because of that, Rin is the only one who can help Haru now; all Makoto did was be the catalyst for this sudden trip to Australia, even if he had no idea what Rin’s intentions were. But Makoto is fine with it—if Haru returns home happier and with a clearer head, that's all that matters to him.

And speaking of Rin’s intentions…

“There's something else Rin told me,” Makoto says. “He said Haru has something to tell us when he returns from Australia—something he owes us the truth about, whatever that means.”

Makoto doesn't miss the way Rei’s shoulders stiffen, but before he can wonder what that means, Nagisa nearly knocking over his milk carton again distracts him.

“ _Ehh?_ So Haru-chan really _is_ hiding something from us?”

“I suppose so,” Makoto concedes. He grabs and steadies Nagisa’s milk carton before Nagisa can send it careening over the edge for real. “I've had a feeling for a while now, but I didn't want to ask him. I wanted to respect his privacy.”

“Hmm… I wonder what Haru-chan could be hiding from us. Maybe… a-ha! Maybe he's in a cult! An Iwatobi-chan worshipping cult, where he’ll be promoted to leader after graduation. The cult’s supposed to be, like, super secret so that's why Haru-chan couldn't tell us.”

Makoto chuckles at Nagisa’s adorable theatrics. “Now, I'm sure it’s not as drastic as that.”

For some strange reason, Rei doesn't say a word, even though he's usually the first to point out the holes in logic in Nagisa’s far-fetched tales. Perhaps Rei, like Rin, knows more than he is letting on. It seems like everyone has their secrets these days.

However, Makoto decides not to push it. He’ll find out the truth from Haru in a few days’ time; the only thing he can do now is focus on himself and pray for Haru’s safety until he comes back home.

* * *

As it turns out, Rin’s home-stay parents—Russell and Lori—are nice people, even if Haru barely gets half of what they’re saying. From what he could gather from the conversation held entirely in English as well as the many pictures of a younger Rin in photo frames, it’s obvious that Rin had a warm and loving environment to stay in while he pursued his dream among other things in Sydney, and Russell and Lori were like a second set of parents to him. 

Their dog, Winnie, is pretty cute too. Dogs seem to be inexplicably drawn to Haru, which is how he ends up on the floor after dinner with Winnie’s belly under his hands. Playing with her helps to distract him from his Makoto-related guilt, but it also triggers an old yet unforgotten ache in him, one related to his old dog, Makkou.

After dessert, Russell and Lori drop Rin and Haru off in front of their hotel. The couple bids them a good night, which Rin returns with a wide smile and Haru with a small wave. 

Haru lets Rin handle the logistics of checking them in, content to take in the environment of the hotel. The lobby is small, sparsely furnished but clean. Thank god the heater is working; Haru was just about to freeze outside if Rin had stayed chatting with Russell and Lori any longer. Warmth seeps through his chilled skin, helping to relieve some of the tension from being in an unfamiliar land. On the whole, this place is a far cry from the sleek flooring and high walls of the hotel he stayed at during the regional tournament, but he supposes it’s because his swim team had a bigger budget than he and Rin do.

Rin cheerfully tosses the keys to their room up and down while they climb the stairs to their room. With the air of confidence of a man who's certain that his plan will work, he unlocks the door and leads Haru in—

—only to freeze when they take in the sight in front of them.

“ _Huh?!_ ” Rin squawks. “You've _got_ to be shitting me right now.”

Haru just stares passively at the small double bed. Sleepovers at the Tachibanas’ residence has made him immune to any possible embarrassment that might arise from having to share a bed with someone else, what with Ran, Ren _and_ Makoto fighting over who gets to sleep with him. At least it looks like he and Rin will be able to fit somewhat comfortably in it without having to touch each other.

“We’re in Australia,” Haru reminds Rin. “Stuff like this is probably normal here.”

“It’s not!" Rin fires back. "This is all your fault, you and your fucking girly name.”

Haru would rather not have anyone remind him of how feminine his full name is, least of all _Rin_ , that hypocrite. “You have a girly name too. It’s probably your fault.”

“It’s _your_ fault!”

“Yours.”

“Your fault!”

“ _Yours._ ”

“Your—fuck it, this isn't the time for this bullshit. I'm going to the front desk!”

Rin’s journey to the front desk doesn't yield much success, which is how they still end up on the bed later that night. Rin is on the left and Haru on the right, their backs facing each other for privacy. Haru wonders if he’d see Rin glowing red if he were to open his eyes; Rin’s embarrassment in the Bond is so potent Haru can practically feel his blush even though there are a few inches of space between their bodies.

“I can't believe this crap,” Rin groans for the fiftieth time that night.

“Just go to sleep,” Haru says. “It won't matter once you're asleep.”

“Yeah, guess you're right. Night, Haru.”

Rin flicks off his bedside lamp, shrouding the room in total darkness now. Haru closes his eyes in an attempt to lull himself to sleep. Instead of his mind drifting off to that place of nothingness (or nightmares, depending on the night), he can't stop thinking of the Tachibana siblings of all things. Sharing a bed with Rin, strangely, reminds him of the frequent sleepovers he's had at the Tachibanas’ home. Ran would be asleep on his chest and Ren tucked against his side. Makoto would be on his other side with his arm thrown over Haru’s waist, ostensibly to keep Ran from falling off his chest but Haru knew the truth. His brain can't stop thinking of Makoto even though he's a continent away and the green Bond is dull and inactive in the back of his mind.

“Hey, Haru,” Rin murmurs, his uncharacteristically soft voice jarring Haru out of his thoughts. “I told you earlier that I've always admired you, right? It’s still true. I knew ever since we were kids that you and I—when it comes to swimming, you and I are meant to be, y’know. You're my soulmate in the world of swimming.”

Maybe it has something to do with the privacy and intimacy that nighttime grants, or maybe it’s the fact that they're literally side-by-side on the same bed, but Rin’s hopeless romantic side appears to have made a resurgence. Haru lies still, listening quietly.

“You probably don't remember it, but I do,” Rin continues, still using that soft wistful tone. “I remember the day I first met you—it was after our first ever freestyle race, the first of many.” He chuckles. “To be honest, it had never occurred to me at that point that I could lose to someone. It didn't feel good. But any frustration I was feeling vanished when I thought to myself, _‘There's someone more amazing than I am at swimming. I want to be able to swim like him.’_ That's why… that's why it’s hard when you're not always there ahead of me to show me the path I should take. Without you, I have nothing to strive towards, you know?”

“I remember it too,” Haru replies, just as quietly as Rin. “That tournament…”

Rin laughs this time. The bed creaks beneath them as he turns over—probably onto his back—and adds, “Do you remember the freestyle race we swam together during the public tournament? The one where we tied and set a new tournament record together?”

“Yeah.” Something in Haru twinges, perhaps an old memory of what it was like to have the water communicate with him. It was something he had taken for granted, never even realising he had it, until it suddenly wasn't there anymore. Life is fleeting like that, he realises.

“I was testing you. I wanted to see if that was really as far as you could go. The moment I could sense you catching up to me from behind, that was when I knew for sure—fuck GREAT, you were meant to enter the same world as me.” Rin pauses, as if to let Haru absorb his words, before tenderly asking, “Hey, Haru, during that race… didn't you feel something too? I certainly did. To me, that was when I realised the meaning of fate.”

There is no need to answer—when it comes to swimming, Rin can read Haru like an open book. Haru thinks about how catching up to Rin who had overtaken him lit up something in him, making him want to pour all of himself into each and every stroke. It’s different with Rin, as though his freestyle only fully comes to life when Rin is in the adjacent lane. How differently would his freestyle race at regionals have turned out if Rin was there with him?

Rin said it’s difficult for him to find his path when Haru is not there in the same pool as him. Perhaps the converse could apply to Haru too. He doesn't know, but what he does know is that for whatever reason, he feels like he's on the cusp of some kind of epiphany where choice will collide with fate and everything will thereafter fall into place.

Or something like that. Haru isn't sure, and he's too exhausted from the day to figure it out.

The bed creaks again as Rin flips back over onto his side. “You don't have to give me an answer right now. Just… just sleep on it, okay? Sorry to keep you up with my rambling. Night.”

“Night.”

* * *

  
  


They have a quick breakfast at a café near the hotel, though Haru insists on spending a few minutes petting the cats outside the café because it's what Makoto would do (and rope Haru into doing too) if he were here. As it turns out, cats as an entire species aren't fond of Rin, which Haru finds amusing since he does recall Gou having a pet cat named Steve at home. He can't help but feel a little smug about this victory over Rin. 

After a rather heavy breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast and coffee (the coffee is worth dying for, and Haru doesn't even like coffee all that much), Rin whisks them onto a train. Even though Haru takes the window seat, Rin leans over him to excitedly point out the sights whooshing past their window, describing the history behind each landmark and his own personal experience visiting the places. 

Haru listens and finds himself oddly enraptured. The world really is a big place, bigger than he initially gave it credit for. He always knew the world was huge, but he never realised how much so until Rin literally dragged him out of the hometown that he had never really left before. It’s… interesting, he supposes. It _is_ exhausting not being able to understand the language and customs, though the different sights certainly make up for it. Even six years after first making that brazen promise to Haru under the cherry blossom tree, Rin is still showing Haru all sorts of sights he's never seen before—sights he would never have been able to see if he had stayed holed up in Iwatobi.

When the train rolls up to their station, Rin all but leaps from his seat and dashes out like an eager child on Christmas morning. Haru is barely able to keep up with Rin’s ridiculous pace. This must be the ‘thing’ that Rin claimed Haru absolutely had to see. If nothing else, curiosity keeps Haru’s legs moving even as his muscles burn from the exertion.

The sign outside the building Rin brings Haru to reads _Aquatic Centre._ Ah. Haru shouldn't be surprised; Rin seems to think showing Haru water will snap him out of whatever it is Rin thinks he's in, be it the ocean, all manners of rivers that Sydney has to offer or this Aquatic Centre.

“Here we are,” Rin declares, grinning from ear to ear. 

“What's this place?” Haru asks apprehensively. 

“A stadium for international swimming competitions. Let’s go.”

The walls are painted a shade of blue to do the place's name proud, and the floors are freshly polished. Gleaming trophies line the shelves in the corridor. Haru thinks of the scouts and their constant emphasis on how great his timings were, and he shudders. His footsteps falter, nearly freezing, but Rin calling his name drags him out of his almost-attack.

Rin is leaning against a railing, and Haru joins him after taking several moments to steady his breathing. The storey below them boasts of an Olympic-sized glistening pool with colourful markers separating the lanes. Behind it is a smaller pool, its length equal to the breadth of the larger one.

“This is where the best swimmers in the world race each other,” Rin explains. “This is what I wanted to show you. Let’s swim, Haru.”

Haru stares at him, surprised, even as he follows Rin down the stairs. “We can swim here?”

“Of course. Anyone can—it’s open to the public.”

“I… I didn't bring my swimsuit.” Haru didn't see a point when he was packing his bags—the water was giving him the cold shoulder, so he didn't think he'd be going swimming any time soon.

Rin just chuckles like he’s somehow expected this. “I’ll lend you one. Let’s go, Haru.”

They get changed and head out to the pool. On the opposite side, a team of mostly Caucasian men are doing their warm-up stretches.

“Oh, that's the national team!” Rin exclaims. “They use this pool for practice.”

Haru’s eyes widen. “Is it really okay to swim here, then? Won't we be interrupting them?”

Rin glances at the smaller pool on their other side. “Well, there's the regular recreational pool over there. People without the guts to swim beside the national team use that one.” He turns to Haru with a knowing grin. “What do you want to do?”

Haru freezes. Though Rin’s question is simple, he has to know the kind of impact it’s having on Haru. For what is probably the first time in his life, someone is giving him a choice—the ability to decide his fate for himself, even if it’s something as simple as choosing which pool to swim in.

Armed with this new ability, Haru realises he doesn't know what to do with it.

“I… I don't know,” he admits quietly. Old doubts creep up on him—what point is there? What would swimming in the same pool as the Australian national team do for him in the long run? Maybe this entire trip has been a bust right from the beginning.

“Well,” Rin says, his voice carefully nonchalant, “like I said earlier, this is where the best swimmers around the world gather to compete. This is the stage I hope to be standing on—and this is the stage where you can stand too, if that's what you want.”

Haru sighs. “Rin, we've been through this—”

“For one, just _one,_ god-fucking-damned moment, can you forget about that and _imagine?_ Imagine, you're free—”

“I'm done playing make-believe,” Haru interjects, old defenses rising once more. “A future isn't something you can find just by looking for it. It may be for you, but for me, it’s all already been decided.”

Haru is fully prepared for another fight, so it takes him by surprise when instead Rin simply says, “You might be right. But please, just _try_ , okay? Everything your grandpa and I have been doing, working undercover for years to try and find a way to raze GREAT down to the ground, me bringing you here—it’s not just for _your_ future alone. It’s for mine, Nagisa’s, Rei’s, Gou’s, and Makoto’s too. Do you honestly think any of us can pursue the futures we want if you're not there—if you're trapped in Australia, being used by some evil organisation?”

Haru stiffens. “But Makoto, Nagisa, Rei and Gou—they don't know that. I didn't tell them. As far as they're concerned, they think I'm free.”

“Then were you planning on just getting up and leaving them without any explanation?” Rin snaps, and his words feel like a blow right to Haru’s gut. “That's even worse. Do you think Rei, Nagisa and Gou can lead the swim club next year with the same love and dedication you and Makoto did if you just randomly vanished from their lives without saying a word? Do you think Makoto can concentrate on doing his best to make his dream a reality in Tokyo if he doesn't even know if you're safe? And what about _me,_ Haru? I told you last night, didn't I, that it’s difficult for me when you're not there? Stop being so selfish. This isn't just about you—it’s about all of us, all of our lives that _you've_ touched because _you_ swam with us. If you really do love all your friends like you insist you do, if you truly care about us and our futures, _try_ to imagine a future where you're free, if not for your own sake then for ours. 

“Look, you don't have to immediately decide what exactly you'd want to do just yet—if you want to study in a university, which university and what major. But there's no point to all my efforts trying to free you from GREAT if you yourself don't even believe in that freedom. Don't you see, Haru? You're just standing still, and there's no freedom in standing still. But there _is_ freedom in moving forward and fighting for yourself—that’s all I want you to do.”

Haru stares at the floor. Last night, he felt like he was on the cusp of some kind of breakthrough. Now, he feels like he's at a crossing with two paths diverging from the spot his feet are frozen to. 

“The world is huge, Haru,” Rin adds. “Sure, GREAT would probably send you out on missions around the globe—but wouldn't you rather see the world on your own terms?”

Haru pauses. He thinks of all the different things Rin has shown him ever since they touched down in Sydney—the park, the beach that was so different from Iwatobi’s in every aspect he can think of, the food, the people, the historical landmarks, the popular tourist spots, even the hotel with its one bed for them to share. There's even more out there in the world than just Sydney and Iwatobi—and for the first time in Haru's life, he thinks that yeah, it _would_ be nice to get to see all sorts of different things on his own free will, as long as he gets to be with his friends and they are safe and happy. Makoto would probably like the cats in Sydney, too. That thought tugs lightly at the corner of Haru’s mouth.

Rin seems to take Haru’s pensive silence as an answer. “For now, just imagine—you’re not forced to work under GREAT as a weapon. You're free to swim wherever you want, however you want, with whoever you want. What do you see?”

Now that his head is filled with thoughts of Makoto smiling as he plays with Sydney’s cats, Haru tries. He casts his gaze out at the pool. The water—it’s bright, like a homing beacon signalling to him. And… it could just be his imagination, but the water seems to _distort_ below him. The clear surface fills with a flurry of images, each disappearing just as quickly as it appeared like a slideshow.

He sees Gou, Amakata-sensei and Coach Sasabe up in the stands, cheering. He sees himself standing with Makoto and Nagisa behind a starting block, watching Rei swim and getting ready to dive in after him. In the adjacent lane, Sousuke is lashing out at the water too, and Momotarou, Nitori and Rin are yelling his name until their voices turn hoarse.

The scene shifts. Now, he watches as he and Makoto leave the club in the hands of Rei, Nagisa and Gou. Makoto personally appoints Rei as the new captain of the Iwatobi swim club, and Rei accepts this responsibility with a few dignified tears.

That transitions into one of Haru and Makoto in some nondescript apartment. He doesn't know where it is or what colour the walls and floors are, but he knows Makoto is there and that's what matters. Haru not only sees but somehow also feels Makoto’s arms wrapped around him from behind as Makoto’s lips trail soft kisses down the curve of his neck. The Haru in the illusion is busy cooking breakfast while trying to fight down a smile. 

Beside the domestic breakfast scene, several more appear: he and Makoto playing video games on a console system Haru is sure doesn't exist yet, Makoto bringing a dirty kitten home from the streets, Makoto lying by Haru’s side at night, their fingers intertwined between them as they let the gentle hum of nighttime lull them to sleep.

Jarring him out of his illusion is a blond swimmer getting on the starting block beside him—Haru didn't even realise he had gotten onto one. The swimmer smiles and greets him in a thick Australian accent before taking off.

Suddenly, the scene in the water shifts. He doesn't see the blond swimmer anymore or hear the faint shouting from the national team coach on the other side of the complex. Instead, the sound of deafening cheers fills his ears. People from all over the world are waving banners and flags as they scream themselves hoarse. Haru spots several Japan flags billowing proudly in the wind. 

Among them are Nagisa, Rei and Gou in the front row who are all wearing Iwatobi-chan caps, probably Nagisa’s idea. Nagisa is grinning behind a large banner with Haru and Rin's faces emblazoned on it. Gou is holding a black megaphone with stickers of red sharks and blue dolphins all over it to her mouth, her shouts almost drowning in the cacophony but somehow still reaching him nonetheless. Rei, surprisingly, doesn't seem too chagrined about having to wear an Iwatobi-chan cap; instead, he has a bright smile on his face as he waves to Haru.

Haru glances up, and his heart lurches painfully in his chest. His grandma is beaming down at him and wiping her eyes with a handkerchief, while his grandpa stands by her side. The barest of smiles lift the corners of his lips, but his eyes say it all— _Do your best, kid. We’re proud of you no matter the outcome._

His eyes burning, Haru lowers his gaze to his immediate surroundings. Beside him is Rin, his body arched down and ready to launch himself into the water. He tilts his head ever so slightly to the side to shoot Haru a challenging grin, and Haru’s lips curl up to return it. 

The referee shoots the gun. Haru dives straight in, the water’s power pulling him in and guiding him along through it. He can feel more than hear everyone cheering him on as well as Rin swimming with all his might in the adjacent lane, but Haru pulls ahead.

He reaches the opposite side, flips and kicks off, maintaining his lead all the way to the end. After slamming his hands against the wall, Haru’s feet touch the ground and he looks up.

A hand is stretched out to him in an achingly familiar greeting. 

Haru's gaze trails up the hand to an arm and then to a face—it's Makoto, who is beaming down at Haru with tears in his eyes.

“Nice work out there, Haru-chan.”

Haru gasps. The illusion dissolves around him like sand blowing away in the wind. He opens his eyes, unsure of when he even closed them. He touches his face carefully. It’s _wet,_ even though he's a hundred percent sure he wasn't even in the water. 

He doesn't know how he ended up on the block, how the illusion even appeared or where the wetness on his face came from, but he does know one thing—he wants to swim, not on anyone’s terms but his own. 

_I want to swim for myself and my friends—with my friends._

* * *

After spending several hours racing and chatting in the pool, Rin brings Haru out to a bridge overlooking Darling Harbour. The water is a sparkling cerulean below them with flecks of orange street lights reflecting off its surface. Across from them, skyscrapers reach up higher than Haru can imagine, as if trying to touch the top of the world. He wonders what that would feel like.

“The coach who trained me while I was studying here contacted me recently,” Rin says. “He asked if I’d consider swimming here again. Before we head back to Japan, I want to see him and ask him to formally let me join his team, 'cause—well, even though I took one hell of a detour, I was finally able to come back here.”

Haru's eyebrows raise. “But are you okay, Rin? With… you know.”

Rin nibbles on his lip, as if in contemplation. “I think… I think I've dealt with my demons well enough. I mean, they're still there, always lurking in the corners of my mind, but I refuse to give them the power to scare me anymore. I'm stronger than them. I was finally able to return here and come to terms with everything that had happened. This time, I won't lose. I won't second-guess myself anymore.”

Rin's question remains unspoken, but Haru hears it nonetheless/ Strength he never even knew was possible surges through him. He turns to Rin with his first smile in what has felt like forever. “Rin, I… I'm done. I'm done with GREAT trying to control me. I want to swim—with you, Makoto, Nagisa and Rei. I want to be free. And to do that—” He takes a deep breath, still not quite able to believe the words that are about to leave him. “—I’m gonna join this fight. This is a battle for my own freedom—how can I not be a part of it?”

Rin’s eyes go wide and round. For what feels like hours, he just stands there and gapes at Haru like this is his first time really seeing him.

“Uh, Rin?” Haru calls, waving a hand in front of Rin’s face. Rin doesn't even blink. Did Haru just break him?

“Who are you and what did you do with the bullheaded asshole Nanase Haruka that I know?” Rin chokes out as he furiously scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand. With a dramatic huff, he ducks his head, tugging his cap over his eyes as he continues sniffling.

“Rin, don't tell me you're crying,” Haru deadpans.

“I'm not, idiot! It’s just— _fuck._ ” 

Rin takes a moment to compose himself again. He looks up again, and his eyes are rimmed red around the corners but Haru chooses not to comment on it.

“Took you long enough, asshole.” Rin scowls, punching Haru’s shoulder lightly.

Haru rolls his eyes. “What's the first plan of action?”

“Get back to the hotel and catch some z’s—I’m tired as fuck.”

“Sure, as long as you don't wake me up with how loud you're crying.”

The swat of Rin’s cap across his ass is nothing compared to the newfound strength coursing through Haru. It really feels like he can take on the world now.

* * *

Unlike last night, Haru falls asleep pretty quickly, mostly because Rin is too drained to monologue at him again and Haru is exhausted from suddenly rekindling his connection with the water earlier that day.

Unfortunately, it doesn't last long. The time on the clock reads 2:13 a.m. when Haru’s eyes fly open. The red Bond has gone dimmer than it has been in a while, and the sudden change sends Haru into a panic. It’s bad enough that the yellow and green Bonds which were active in the past six years—especially the green one—are now dormant in the back of his head; he can't deal with the red one dimming too.

He staggers out of the empty bed, yanks his coat on and shoves his feet into his sneakers, not even bothering with socks. Thankfully, he has his own set of keys too, which he almost forgets to use in his haste to leave.

He ignores the receptionist’s odd look as he dashes out of the hotel, blindly following where the Bond leads him to. According to a sign, he's on Pyrmont Street, wherever the hell that's supposed to be or why Rin would be anywhere around here. He glances left and right, but there are hardly any cars around at this time of the night, so he throws caution to the wind and bolts across.

The Bond tugs his gut towards the right. His feet thump on the hard pavement as he jogs down the mostly empty road. He passes by several closed stores, a twenty-four-hour convenience store, and a group of drunkards passed out by the roadside, but everything passes by in a blur. Now, his entire world has narrowed down to _Where the fuck is Rin?_

The Bond has him running all over the place. He dashes across streets he doesn't know and races up stairs to places he's never been before, depending on where the flash of red in his mind leads him to. Rin must be on the run, because every few hundred meters the Bond pulls Haru in a different direction, and he spins around so quickly he nearly gives himself whiplash.

Unfortunately, adrenaline can only do so much for him before exhaustion eventually catches up to him. His feet slow to a halt beside a river, where he doubles over to catch his breath. He stumbles to the river bank and dips his hand in to rejuvenate himself—he’s lucky to have at least found a body of water if not Rin. 

A school of fish flit about frantically around his hand. Their tail and fin brush up against his skin, as if trying to transmit something to him through touch alone. Somehow, even without being in the water, Haru hears what they're trying to say.

_Danger up at Darling Harbour. A redheaded Japanese boy. Danger, danger._

What the actual _fuck_ was Rin thinking he'd get himself into when he left without telling Haru anything? Did he not take what Haru told him about running off on his own to heart?

Haru mutters a hurried thanks to the fish before getting up. The Bond guides him forward, so he follows it. He all but leaps down the nearest flight of stairs he finds, stumbling on the last step in the darkness. At this time of the night (or very early morning), the lights in the stores and restaurants by the harbour are switched off—he only has the orange streetlights to guide him.

He doesn't know where the fuck he is. Rin might have brought him here to do some sightseeing earlier today or yesterday, but everything looks different in the darkness. He doesn't recognise the stretch of road or whatever it is to his left and right, or the large structures behind him. The red Bond is glowing brighter than ever, which means Rin has to be close. But this close in this wide open space, he could be _anywhere._

Red terror cuts right through Haru’s fear and confusion. Without even thinking, Haru’s feet take him forward into the damp darkness under a tall bridge. From what he can make out in the dimness, seven tall and bulky men are looming over someone who's backed up against a wall.

Fear screams bright red when the sound of a gun being cocked rings through the darkness.

Haru doesn't need to think or even concentrate. Scales tear right through his skin, and long sharp fangs sprout from his front teeth. Familiar power surges through him, lighting up every molecule inside him. If he's in pain, he doesn't notice it at all.

The men on the outer flank are at least half a head taller than him with more bulk than Makoto, but Haru effortlessly picks them up and tosses them over his head. Bodies hit the ground with sickening thumps. He pays them no mind as he forges his way through the semicircle, until he has placed himself between Rin—whose back is pressed against a wall—and whoever the hell these people are. 

The man in the center, with a mask covering the lower half of his face, whips around and aims his gun at Haru. The sound nearly deafens him, but the bullet bounces harmlessly off his scales. Just to prove a point, Haru snatches the gun and sinks his fangs easily into the metal before tossing it aside.

The man blinks, and Haru thinks he might recognise his voice when he rasps, “ _No way, is it—”_

Another person steps out from behind Haru with a gun pointed, but not at Haru or Rin. Haru, without any shadow of a doubt, recognises this person’s voice even though he hasn't heard it in over two years, but with adrenaline clouding his brain he can't place a name to the voice. 

“ _Leave. It’s not his time yet. You at least honour your contracts, don't you?_ ”

The man doesn't budge. The others that Haru had thrown bodily onto the ground have gotten back onto their feet and are once more flanking the man who seems to be their leader. None of them budges, and the person behind Haru clicks his tongue in annoyance.

Rin barely manages to grab Haru, yank him down, and hiss at him to cover his ears in time before several bullets fire from behind Haru. Seven bodies hit the ground. Haru is thankful it’s dark; he doesn't want to see what a mess of blood and scum the ground must now be after those shots.

A hand, wrinkly yet strong, lands on Haru’s shoulder. “Thanks for the save, kid, even if it was pretty reckless of you to just barge in like that.”

The voice is low, gruff and husky—everything Haru remembers it to be. Even in the darkness in a foreign country, even if it has been two years with barely any contact, Haru recognises this man. 

“Grandpa…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it for 2019 and this decade! a huge thank you to everyone who's stuck around for this fic, and everyone who's read this, and everyone who's kudos'd, commented, bookmarked and supported it! cheers to a new decade!
> 
> hang out with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	23. confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru has no doubt that Rin told them—or at least Makoto, captain-to-captain—that he has something he needs to tell them; he can sense the curiosity underlying Nagisa and Makoto’s happiness at his return. They're willing to dance around the issue for his sake, but he doesn't want that anymore. He doesn't want to hide the truth from them anymore—hiding it has only brought him nothing but pain, and it will hurt them too if he continues hiding.
> 
> “Makoto, Nagisa, Rei,” he says. “There's something I need to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first chapter of the new decade! happy new year, everyone!

“Grandpa…?”

“Yeah, the one and only,” Hayate says. He looks, well, older than the last time Haru saw him—his hair is even greyer and there are more lines etched on his face. But the stern glint in the blue eyes that Haru inherited as well as the gravelly timbre in his voice are the same as ever. “Been a while, kid.”

Feeling lost as hell, Haru glances at Hayate, Rin and back at Hayate again. Rin is here with Hayate. That has to mean that Hayate has been here all along, then, since Rin was backed up against a wall and there was no way Hayate could have randomly materialised on the scene without Haru noticing.

Haru whirls on Rin. “So that means—”

Sheepishness floods through Rin’s Bond. “Yeah, sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Your grandpa wrote to me, saying he found some important documents about the bombs inside me, Makoto and Nagisa.”

“I needed help procuring them from the organisation,” Hayate explains. “I'm not as young as I once was.”

Rin grins. “You're still one hell of a shot, though.” He turns back to Haru. “He sent me two flight tickets in case I wanted to bring a friend to go sightseeing during the day, as long as I kept them out of danger.”

It all makes sense now—Haru was wondering where Rin had gotten those tickets from, especially on such short notice. 

“Well, no point hanging out in such a miserable place,” Hayate announces. “Let’s bounce before the authorities show up.”

Thankfully, the receptionist in the hotel lobby doesn't give Rin and Haru weird looks when she spots them with an old man in tow. Hotel receptionists probably see weirder things than two teenagers hanging out with a wizened old man.

Haru unlocks the door to their room, and Rin makes a beeline straight for the bed—only for Hayate, with more speed and strength than should be possible for someone of his age, to grab his shoulder and pull him back.

“Don't be so quick to lower your guard,” Hayate snaps. “I need to check the room for bugs or any other form of recording devices first. It’s standard protocol.”

Rin blinks but doesn't protest. He and Haru stand in the doorway as they watch Hayate comb through the room. While waiting for Hayate to be done with it, Haru examines Rin carefully from head to toe.

“Dude, don't check me out like that,” Rin grumbles. “It’s creepy.”

“You're not hurt, are you?” Haru asks, ignoring Rin’s jab.

“Just a few scrapes—nothing that won't heal by the time nationals come around.”

Haru glares at him. “What were you thinking, leaving on your own like that? You should've told me. I can't get into any more danger than I already am, anyway.”

“I thought I could handle it on my own,” Rin mutters, glancing away.

“So having a gun pointed right at your face is called handling it on your own?”

Rin opens his mouth to retort, but Hayate cuts him off.

“That's enough, boys. Red, you were careless. Be more careful next time. And kid, you shouldn't have just barged in like that—you were lucky your scales emerged in time to save you from having bullets buried in you.”

Haru glowers at the floor. If he hadn't barged in, _Rin_ would be the one having bullets buried in him, but experiences from his childhood remind him there's no point arguing with his grandfather.

“Anyway, the room’s safe,” Hayate says. “Get over here.”

He stomps over to the desk, then reaches into his satchel and pulls out several sheets of folded paper and a pencil. Curious, Rin and Haru join him, one on each side. With scarred and wrinkled hands, Hayate spreads the papers open. Each sheet consists of a drawing of a large circle, as well as a series of smaller notches and knobs within that circle. There are some even more complicated-looking annotations and calculations on the side in barely-decipherable handwriting.

“These are blueprints of the bombs inside your friends,” Hayate explains, tracing a finger down the outline of a circle. “I worked with this type of bomb all the time in the special forces. They're tiny but they can cause devastating damage when the trigger is pulled, which makes them prime candidates for surprise attacks, traps or planting them inside people. The thing is, these detonate on the spot when you try to remove them by any means—”

“Wait,” Haru interjects, panic rising up in him and making the room spin around him, “so it’s impossible to remove the bombs?!”

Rin grabs Haru’s shoulder. The action acts as an anchor, grounding Haru back in reality. “Easy there, man. I don't think he was done explaining yet.”

Hayate nods pointedly. “There is always a safe way to defuse a bomb. In this case, you can see there's a small slot right here.” He taps the head of his pencil against a tiny opening in the center of the diagram. “To defuse the bomb without setting it off, a specially-designed pin is supposed to go in here. It works like a key—you slot it in, twist clockwise, and it’s disabled just like that.”

“So if we can get our hands on this pin, we’ll be able to defuse and then remove the bombs,” Rin says, his eyes gleaming.

In contrast to Rin’s enlightened excitement, Haru frowns. “But the bombs are _inside_ your bodies, so to even get to them in the first place—”

“One step at a time, kid,” Hayate says. “Let’s focus on getting this pin first. It ought to look like this.” He does a quick sketch of a thin needle, and the end of it resembles a miniature scythe. “And there should be a branding on the side: _Titan-450,_ the name of the bomb.”

“Reckon anyone in the special forces would have it, old man?” Rin asks.

Hayate shakes his head. “Hardly anyone uses the Titan series bombs these days, so I doubt the current members have more than a vague idea of what they even are. I was surprised to learn that GREAT even had their hands on these bombs in the first place; I thought they went out of fashion after the second world war. Besides, I don't trust anyone in the special forces now—just a whole bunch of snakes and backstabbers. Anyway, the fastest way to get our hands on this pin would be to—”

“Infiltrate their base—piece of piss.” When Rin catches Haru’s confused expression, he explains, “Ah, Australian slang. We’ll do that tomorrow night, then. Our flight back to Tokyo is at five a.m., so we have plenty of time to infiltrate and get a few hours of sleep before catching our plane.”

“I'm coming along too,” Haru declares.

“Kid,” Hayate says, frowning, “it’s dangerous. GREAT—”

“And that's exactly why I have to be there,” Haru retorts with a ferocity that surprises him. “I'm not having another asshole point their gun at Rin or you again.”

_I'm not losing you the way I lost Grandma two years ago._

Hayate lets out an aggrieved sigh. “For years, I've wondered what the hell Chie meant when she claimed you took after my stubbornness—I see why now.”

“Good to have you on board, Haru,” Rin says, a grim expression on his face. “If you're going to join the fight, we need an attack strategy. I propose that we…”

* * *

As per Hayate's suggestion last night, Rin and Haru are dressed in dark skin-tight clothes to keep them camouflaged in the darkness of nighttime. They also have hoods on the back of their shirts as well as face masks, among other small weapons, in their pockets as extra precautions. When going head-to-head with a dangerous organisation like GREAT, one can never be too cautious—Rin has learned from his experiences over the years.

The entrance to GREAT’s headquarters is near Darling Harbour. Rin swallows down his nausea at the memory of what happened under the bridge last night, focusing his eyes on the entrance ahead. Two guards in dark blue uniforms, holding guns that are easily military grade, are standing in front of it. Their eyes are sharp and focused. 

“On three,” Hayate whispers. The head of his tranquiliser gun pokes out from around the wall the three of them are hiding behind. “Three, two—”

Two darts zip through the air and embed themselves in the guards’ necks. They don't even get the chance to choke out a cry for help before passing out cold. Rin and Haru lunge out from their hiding spot, drag the unconscious guards under the bridge and get to work. They strip off the guards’ uniforms and wrap them in woolen blankets so they don't freeze to death in this frigid winter night before slipping the uniforms on.

Haru pauses just as his arm slips through a sleeve. “But even if I dress as a guard, I don't exactly _look_ Australian so…”

“God, do I have to explain every tiny detail to you?” Rin sighs impatiently. “So borrow my power through the Bond. It’s possible, isn't it? You told me that's what Nagisa did to save Rei from drowning that time you guys had your training camp.”

Haru blinks. It seems he has caught on, though, because moments later, Rin feels threads of the blue Bond wrapping around his red Bond and squeezing tight.

“Wait, don't drain too much—leave some for me,” Rin grunts, nearly stumbling from the sudden loss of power. 

It takes them several tries and curses directed at each other, but eventually they manage to split Rin’s shapeshifting power evenly between the both of them. Rin is several inches taller and bulkier now, with close-cropped blond hair instead of his long red hair.

“Sharing the power means our disguise is probably not gonna last very long,” Rin says. “We’re gonna have to be quick.”

“Don't need to tell me twice,” Haru replies. Similar to Rin, he has gained a few inches in terms of height and breadth and his skin is lighter in tone, though his hair is a light shade of brown in contrast to his usual jet black. “Let’s go.”

They head back to the guards’ post, just in time for the next pair of guards to come in for their shift. After nodding in greeting to the other pair, Haru and Rin swipe the unconscious guards’ ID cards across the scanner at the entrance before inviting themselves in.

The clack of their steel-toed boots echo on the hard, polished tiles. This corridor alone is so sterile it nearly makes Rin gag from the memories of running down this hallway towards danger and sometimes away from it when he found himself in over his head. At half past ten at night, there’s hardly anyone around. The corridor they're in is empty except for him and Haru.

Even so, Rin keeps his eyes peeled wide open for the head scientist in charge of Haru. He can never forget that man; he was the one who sent the guards chasing after Rin and Hayate after an infiltration went _terribly_ south, which led to Chie’s death. He barely registers the stilling of his footsteps—nauseating guilt fills him when the image of blood splattered across Chie’s tragically white blouse flicks through his mind. It would have remained as a simple white blouse if it weren't for Rin and his incompetence.

“Rin.” 

Haru’s low voice chases the images and lingering guilt away. He has a firm grip on Rin’s elbow, as if to anchor him to the present moment. “Rin, it’s okay. I won't let anything happen. I’ll protect you.”

Rin shakes his head, feeling pathetic for having a flashback when he's supposed to be focused on the mission at hand. “I'm not as worried about myself so much as I'm worried about you. As glad as I am that you've decided to join the fight, I—” He swallows. “I'm scared that I'm leading you to your grave.”

Haru scowls at him. It’s almost comical how Haru-like that scowl is, even on an Australian man’s face. “Don't underestimate me, Rin.”

Rin huffs out a weak chuckle. “Yeah, guess you're right. Between the two of us, you're the superhuman-mermaid, after all.”

“Just focus on finding the person we’re supposed to find.”

“Don't tell me what to do.”

Nevertheless, Rin keeps a sharp lookout for the man. In the adjacent corridor, a man dressed in a white lab coat is approaching. His head is buried in his book, which makes it easy for Rin to sneak up on him and deliver a sharp chop to his throat. Rin slaps a hand over the scientist’s mouth, muffling his cry, then drags him to a storage closet. While stripping off the scientist’s clothes, Rin transforms into the scientist himself. Now, he has lost some of his bulk and height, and his eyesight is worse than before. It’s so bad that Haru’s face is nothing but a blur of light peach, blue and light brown.

“God, I'm glad my actual eyesight isn't this crappy,” Rin grouses as he slips the scientist’s glasses on his face. When Haru shoots him a quizzical look, he adds, “It wouldn't make sense for a mere security guard to have private business to discuss with one of the head scientists in this place. An actual scientist, on the other hand, would.”

To be on the safe side, Rin injects the abducted scientist with a dart of tranquiliser, which will hopefully keep him nice and unconscious for the next few hours.

Once that's done, the pair continue their way through the maze of GREAT’s lair. It’s only thanks to Rin’s multiple visits to this place that he manages to navigate them through the twisting corridors without running them in circles. Even if Haru doesn't say a word, Rin can feel his confusion and fear, though it’s well-concealed under a thick layer of grim determination. 

When they don't spot anyone of interest on the first floor, Rin leads them to the elevator. It takes them up to the fifth floor where he remembers the higher-ups’ offices are. To the best of his memory, the head scientist in charge of Haru is practically married to his job, which means he probably eats, sleeps and shits in his office.

Rin is proven right when he emerges from the lift and spots the very man himself in front of a water cooler. He's half-Japanese, half-Australian and nearly a head taller than Rin if Rin was in his own body. Pride rushes through Rin when he spots a long scar on his cheek, where Rin’s fangs grazed his skin during a scuffle two years ago.

In English, Rin calls out, “Mr Jones, I have something to report. In private, preferably,” he adds when he spots the other head scientists milling about the hallway.

“Very well,” Jones replies, and his nauseatingly smooth voice sends invisible bugs crawling down Rin’s spine. He turns to Haru with an appraising brow raised. “Officer Harold, I believe you have been dismissed for the night.”

Rin thanks the heavens above for Haru’s poker face. Even though he can feel Haru’s shock, “Harold’s” face betrays nothing but compliance as he nods and returns to the elevator. Well, it’s a good thing they have Plans B, C, D et cetera (courtesy of Hayate and his paranoid planning) on top of their original plan, in case they end up separated like they are now.

Jones leads Rin to his office, which is the first door on the left side of the hallway. As one of the highest-ranking scientists, his office is sprawling and luxurious. Plush sofas and armchairs line the sides of the room, as if Jones regularly entertains important guests here. Rin’s leather shoes clack smartly on the hardwood floor, which is painted in the same warm hues of the beige walls. Nothing about the room’s warm colour scheme fools Rin, though—this man’s heart is nothing if not stone cold, if even has one.

The threads of Haru’s Bond have not dimmed one bit. In fact, they grow brighter even with every large stride Rin takes. Good. Rin increases the length of his strides until he overtakes Jones. Once he's reached the desk, he turns around to face Jones so Jones’ back is to the door.

“What is the matter you needed to speak to speak so urgently to me about?” Jones asks, folding his arms.

Rin tries not to shudder under Jones’ scrutinising stare. “It’s about the bombs—the ones inside Nanase Haruka’s childhood friends.”

Jones’ eyebrows lift. “What about them?”

“Well…” Rin’s mind whirls as he tries to recall the plan. “It’s been years since the bombs were first planted in them, correct?”

“Indeed, it has been about six years.”

“I was just thinking—what if the bombs aren't working anymore? It is possible that after years of zero maintenance while they were in the boys’ bodies that they could've worn out and stopped working.”

Jones arches an eyebrow. “What do you propose we do about that?”

This man is playing right into Rin’s hands. He tries to hold back his smirk as he says, “First, we should gather those boys again and remove those bombs to check on their conditions. I believe the only safe way to do so is to use the pin. It’s kept with you, am I correct?”

However, Jones shakes his head. “It’s in the sub-level labs, if I recall correctly. Only members of the executive council such as myself have access to that area, but I need to get clearance from the rest of the council before removing an item from it, especially something as important as the pin.”

“How long would it take for you to get the clearance?”

“Mr Irwin, you are being rather hasty,” Jones says, frowning. “This plan of yours has not even been approved by the rest of the executive council.”

Rin has to resist the urge to throw his hands up in frustration. “Okay, hypothetically. Let’s say this plan _is_ approved. How long would it take for you to get clearance from the rest of the council?”

“I dare say a week, tops.”

That will be too late—their flight back to Tokyo is in a mere few hours’ time.

“I see,” Rin says, trying not to grit his teeth. “Thank you, Mr Jones. Now I shall be—”

“Actually,” Jones cuts in, “I have something of my own to ask you.”

Rin gives him a tight smile. “Sorry, but I've got somewhere I need to be rather urgently, so if you'd excuse me.”

He tries to walk around Jones, but Jones seizes his wrist and shoves him back against the desk. “Not so fast, mate.” For the first time since the start of their conversation, suspicion begins to dawn in Jones’ eyes. “Why would you bring those up in the first place? We have already settled this matter a long time ago. At first, I thought you had merely forgotten, as you do tend to be rather absentminded. But your hastiness is rather strange and out of character for you. What do you think you're—”

A thin projectile streaks through the air and buries itself in the crook of Jones’ neck. Gasping, he releases Rin to try and yank it out, but it’s too late—the sedatives get to work the moment the tranquiliser pierces through your skin. Jones crumples to the ground. However, he must be stronger than the others whom Rin and Haru have shot, as he's still able to turn his head back and spot Haru in the doorway with the tranquiliser gun aimed and nocked.

“Officer Harold?” Jones croaks. “Why would you—bloody _fuck._ ” With shaking hands, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes across the screen. “I knew something was up. Emergency! Emergency in my office—”

Rin snatches a chair and smashes Jones over the head with it, finally knocking him out cold. For good measure (and a bit of petty revenge), Rin stomps repeatedly on the dropped phone until the screen is more cracks than actual screen. Once the phone is properly destroyed, he shapeshifts into Jones at record speed. With Haru’s help, Rin shoves Jones' unmoving body into a cupboard, just in time for guards to rush in. Fortunately, it doesn't take much to convince them that it was a false alarm, and the guards return to their original posts as quickly as they arrived.

“We have to hurry,” Rin mutters to Haru. “These disguises aren't gonna last much longer.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you took forever to talk to him,” Haru shoots back.

“Shut up. At least I got us some valuable info.”

Since there's no one else on the fifth floor, Rin and Haru dash down the hallway back to the elevator. Haru jams his finger against the button leading to the sub-levels and Rin swipes Jones’ ID card across the scanner to gain access to it. It’s only when the elevator is finally moving down that Rin lets out a sigh of relief.

“Nice shot back there,” Rin says, smirking at Haru.

Haru shrugs, though he glances away. “I played plenty of shooting games with Makoto before. It was good practice.”

“Huh. I never took Makoto for the gamer type.”

Haru makes a face. “He's no fun to play with. He plays dirty all the time.”

“Says someone who seems to have played plenty of shooting games with him nonetheless,” Rin teases. His smirk widens when Haru glares at him.

The elevator doors slide open before Haru can shoot back a witty retort. They step out into a room so overwhelmingly large his head spins a little trying to take it all in. In fact, Rin wouldn't call it a room but rather a gigantic garage with rows of fucking _massive_ metal cabinets filling the place as far as he can see. There have to be hundreds of those cabinets, and they look like they're at least nine feet tall each. 

“We don't have time to go through each cabinet to find the pin,” Haru states, frowning.

“And there's no way the scientists here would manually check every single drawer in each cabinet to find what they need,” Rin says. The gears in his mind start to whirl. “That must mean there has to be a database of all the items and where they're located. A computer. We need to find a computer.”

Just as the words leave him, he spots a tiny red glow of a monitor to the left. It’s in such a discreet spot that if he were standing a little bit further away, he wouldn't have spotted it. He hurries to it with Haru hot on his heels. Fortunately, Rin has hacked into GREAT’s systems on several occasions under Hayate's tutelage, so he logs in with Jones’ credentials and quickly locates the item database. 

“250-02,” Rin says. “Haru, we need to find row 250, drawer number 2.”

“Got it.”

However, just as they turn around, a sudden drain of energy nearly causes Rin’s knees to buckle. 

“Rin!” Haru grabs Rin’s arm and hoists him up, though Haru’s arms are shaking from the effort too. “Rin, what's wrong?”

This close, Rin can see hints of Haru’s usual black hair peeking through the light brown of the guard he's impersonating. Rin’s heart plummets to his gut.

“Fuck, we’re running out of time,” Rin hisses. “We need to hurry.”

“But Rin, you're—”

“I'm fine! We need to go!”

When Haru still hesitates, Rin shoves him forward, sending him stumbling down the aisle. Even though Rin’s knees shake, he forces himself forward. They keep their heads low to avoid the gaze of the security cameras as they tear down the aisle of cabinets. Row 45, 46, 47, 48—god, this place really is endless, isn't it? Why the fuck did GREAT have to hide the pin in row _250_ of all places?

When they reach row 101, they stumble back against the cool metal cabinets for a breather.

“If only you had superspeed on land, Haru,” Rin pants.

“Sorry I'm not Japanese Flash,” Haru retorts but with no real bite behind his words, given how hard he's panting too.

Rin wipes his forehead with his sleeve. “Yeah, too bad your powers only work with either water or a fucking almighty explosion of emotion. But we have to conserve your energy too ‘cause we’re only at row 101—”

“Rin.” Haru’s eyes are wide. “Rin, you're… you're back to you.”

“Huh?” 

Confused, Rin glances down at his hands, only to freeze when he notices that they're not white but back to his usual shade of light tan. He runs a tongue over his teeth, wincing when the sharpness pricks his tongue.

As if things can't possibly get any worse, alarm bells start wailing in the air. The entire sub-level is submerged in a red glow from the emergency lights. The pounding of footsteps upstairs nearly causes dust to shower down from the ceiling.

“We need to go!” Rin shouts. “We have a head-start on them, so let’s go!”

They bolt down the aisle, yanking out drawers from the cabinets and scattering the items all over the floor in their wake. Guards curse and yell as they trip over the items. Gunshots tear through the air, but Rin and Haru narrowly manage to avoid them. Several cabinets fall over like dominoes—the resulting crash sends tremors racing across the floor, nearly causing them to stumble. Haru grabs Rin's arm just before he hits the ground. Haru's disguise is half gone, but what's more concerning is the blue glow in his skin.

“Haru, whatever you do, try to keep some semblance of your disguise on,” Rin hisses as he flings a drawer at a guard about ten rows behind them, knocking the gun out of his hands. “It’d be bad if they saw you. It’s hard to concentrate on maintaining the disguise and trying to activate your other powers at the same time, isn't it? So just focus on the disguise.”

“But what about you—”

“It’s _fine._ I've never revealed my actual face to them during my infiltrations, so they won't recognise me.” Rin grimaces, thinking of the time GREAT abducted him and the others six years ago. “Well, hopefully puberty gave me one hell of a makeover so they won't recognise me now.”

The nearest guard is a good twenty or so rows away, so Rin takes a chance and swings around to hide behind a cabinet. He rips Jones’ lab coat off, seeing as it’s too big on him now to be anything but a hindrance. He yanks the hood of his jacket over his head, snaps a mask over the lower half of his face and pulls a gun out from the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Where the hell did you get a gun?” Haru hisses.

“I'm just full of surprises.” Rin actually got it from Hayate, who had taught him how to use a gun for self-defense, but Haru doesn't need to know that. He's been saving it in case things went to hell, which they pretty much have. “Just keep looking for row 250—I’ve got us covered.”

With that, he leaps out from behind the cabinet, aims and fires at the lights behind them. From rows 210 to 240, the room is submerged in darkness. It won't be long before the guards gather their wits and whip out flashlights or something, though, so Rin whirls around and catches up to Haru at row 250.

“Thank god,” Rin groans. 

They stumble to where the second drawer is, which turns out to be a ways over their heads. If Makoto or Sousuke was here, they'd have to tiptoe to reach it. 

“I think I can activate a bit of my superstrength,” Haru says. He pulls a bottle of water out from within the folds of his coat. “I swiped it from one of the offices on my way to find you after we were separated. I was saving it in case things got really bad.”

“Alright, give me that.” Rin snatches the bottle, uncaps it and dumps the contents over Haru’s head. At once, the hints of black peeking through the disguise revert back to light brown. Rin winces, feeling the burn in Haru’s muscles as a faint blue glow envelopes Haru. 

Wasting no time, Haru bends down, grabs Rin around his thighs, and hoists him up. Rin yelps, slamming his hands against the cabinet for balance. He scans the drawers in front of him. 13, 12, 11… where the _fuck_ is number 2? He _just_ saw it, he swears.

A bullet zips through the air, just barely missing Rin’s arm. Another fires, and Rin has to crane his neck and spine backwards like he's doing a limbo before that one goes right through his skull.

“Let go,” Rin hisses. “Go deal with them.”

The arms around Rin’s thighs vanish, leaving him suspended in the air with only the drawer handles to hold on to. Rin allows himself to watch Haru rush at the guard and tear the gun apart with his own hands for a moment before turning his attention back to the drawers. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6—

A bullet flies towards him, and it’s only with his battle-trained instincts that Rin manages to catch it between his fangs, crushing it. Grimacing, he spits out the metallic bits of bullet, then returns his attention back to finding drawer number 2. 

Several dodged bullets later with a few shallow grazes on his face, Rin finds 450-02 at long last. He braces his feet against drawers 4 and 1 and pulls drawer number 2 open. 

For all the hassle they have gone through to find the pin, it’s a lot smaller than Rin had imagined. It’s a dull shade of metallic silver, though it is thankfully not rusted or worn. He checks the side for its branding— _Titan-450._ This is it.

But before he can grab it, a hand wraps around his ankle and tugs, bringing Rin down together with the drawer. His stomach threatens to exit through his mouth as air rushes out of his lungs. He braces himself, only for his head to land on something that's relatively softer than the ground. He doesn't realise what it is until he hears Haru’s voice right above him.

“Rin, are you okay?” Haru demands, panic bursting from the blue Bond.

“Yeah. Where's the pin?” Rin asks. He pushes himself up from what he presumes is Haru’s lap. Although he didn't hit his head, he still feels disoriented from the sudden fall.

Haru opens his palm, revealing the tiny pin sitting comfortably in it, before he shoves it into his pocket. “I've got it. I knocked out the guard that grabbed your leg. The other guards closest to us are down too. Let’s go.”

“Yeah.”

Haru helps Rin to his feet and heals the wounds on his face, just in time for a fresh wave of guards to appear.

“They really don't stop coming, do they?” Rin mutters.

There are too many of them for just he and Haru to fight off on their own. Haru's powers physically pain him to use, and Rin only has so many bullets and fangs, too. With nothing else he can do to fight, he shoots the lights above them, submerging the rows around them in darkness. Shards of metal and filament rain down, grazing Rin’s face and arms, but he ignores the pain. He whirls around to the cabinets and starts to climb. It says a lot about how well Haru has adapted to the situation that he doesn't even question what Rin is doing and instead joins him.

Rin remembers there being an emergency staircase behind row 270 during his last infiltration, so there is where he leads Haru. He leaps from the top of the cabinet and performs a tumbling fall. If Haru mutters something about him being a show-off, he doesn't catch it.

After hitting the ground and rolling back onto their feet, they continue running. By now, the guards must have either gotten used to Rin’s dirty tricks or adapted to the darkness, as heavy footsteps resound behind them. There's no time to hesitate. Rin pours more power into his legs, even as his muscles scream from running nonstop for what has felt like an hour at least.

Just as the dim glow of the emergency exit sign comes into view, a sudden tug of Rin’s hood causes him to stumble back. He barely has time to register it falling off his head before the glint of a blade swings _too_ close to his face. Yelping, he ducks. The knife lops off a chunk of his hair instead, and irritation bursts in Rin.

“Bastard!” he snaps, whirling around and shooting the guard’s leg. “That's for ruining my hair, you asshole. Gou is gonna laugh when she sees it.”

“Seriously?” Haru demands. He has already reached the exit, though he turned around when he noticed Rin was no longer by his side. “ _That's_ what you're worried about?”

“It’s either be vain or panic in the face of life-threatening danger,” Rin says. He kicks the fallen guard’s face for good measure before joining Haru at the exit. “C’mon, let’s get out of this stinking hellhole.”

* * *

After valiantly battling through the swarm of guards at the entrance and knocking them out either via tranquilisers or the good old-fashioned way of hitting them on the head, Rin and Haru meet up with Hayate, who has been waiting outside the base in case things went south.

“You boys got it?” Hayate asks.

Despite the exhaustion starting to creep up on him, Rin manages a grin and shoots him a thumbs-up. “How were things on your end, old man?”

“The viruses were a success. The triggers are now temporarily offline, so they can't blow you boys up when they find out sooner or later what was stolen from them.”

“We were caught at the sub-levels trying to find the pin,” Haru reports. “They probably already know.”

“Then all the better that the viruses were a success,” Hayate says grimly. “Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything stronger to permanently shut down the trigger. But either way, it’s possible—if tedious—to rebuild a trigger, so it’s in everyone’s best interests to just remove the bombs for once and for all.”

Rin nods in agreement. “Let’s go back.”

The first thing Rin does upon entering the hotel room is to collapse on the bed, never mind that he's gross and sweaty. It’s strange; he is no longer in danger, yet his heart won't stop racing as if he still has guns pointed at him from all angles.

“That was a stupid thing to do right before nationals,” Rin rasps. He’s honestly lucky that Haru has healing powers, or he would have some strange wounds that he wouldn't know how to explain to his team.

“At least we didn't die,” Haru reminds him.

“You're an optimistic one, aren't you?”

But Haru is right. The three of them have made it out alive, and they've fulfilled their objective so why… why is Rin still shaking as badly as he did when Chie was shot before his very eyes?

The bed dips beside him as Haru settles down on it. “Rin, you're scared, aren't you?”

“What?!” Rin lashes out, more on instinct than anything else. “Why the hell would I be—”

“You can't lie to me. I can feel it through the Bond.” Haru sighs. “If this is about what happened last time—look, Rin, it’s different. I already told you, I don't blame you for any of that. It was GREAT’s fault, and I'm gonna avenge her once I'm free.”

Rin punches Haru’s shoulder lightly. “Yeah, you fucking better.” He doesn't feel like talking about himself anymore, so he changes the subject. “Anyway, about our plans for once we return to Japan—”

“We’re not gonna remove the bombs immediately, are we?” Haru interjects, sounding alarmed.

“We have to—it’s a matter of life or death,” Hayate says firmly. “There's no telling how long the virus will be able to keep GREAT at bay. That's why we need to remove the bombs as soon as possible. I’ll keep working on the viruses to keep the trigger offline as a precaution until we remove them.”

Rin grimaces at the thought of the bomb-removal procedure, even if he was the one who suggested it. He doesn't like it one bit, but it’s better to go through that pain than to live the rest of his life—however long that may be—with a bomb ready to blow inside him.

“You can maintain a computer virus against a huge organisation like GREAT?” Haru asks skeptically.

Hayate snorts. “Who do you think was the one who hacked GREAT’s systems single-handedly _and_ repeatedly to get all their intel? I’ll be fine, kid.”

Rin has plenty of faith in Hayate’s abilities honed from his days in the special forces; those were the same abilities that saved his ass plenty of times during his previous infiltrations. He turns to Haru with something else on his mind. “At any rate, Haru, you need to tell the others the truth—the whole truth.”

Haru blanches, and worry fills the blue Bond. “You… you don't think they'll hate me, do you?”

“None of them has a single spiteful bone in their body,” Rin says, smiling reassuringly. If none of them could hate him even after how terribly he acted towards them last summer, there's no way they can ever hate Haru. Some of the tension ebbs out of his body, as if he's reassuring himself too. “They might be shocked and maybe a little hurt that you kept it a secret, but I'm sure they'll understand that you did it because you were under duress and didn't know what else to do. If anything, they'll probably be glad that you told them the truth.”

Haru casts his gaze lower to the floor, as if it'll give him some reassurance. After a few moments in apparent deep thought, he nods and gets to his feet, albeit a little shakily. “I'm gonna take a bath.”

“You do that,” Hayate agrees, getting up too. “I’ll meet you boys at the airport. Our flight is at 3.35 a.m., so I expect you two to be there two hours prior. Don't be late.”

“Wait, you're coming along with us?” Haru asks.

“Of course; an adult has to be around to supervise the removal of the bombs. Besides,” Hayate adds, and his tone takes on an extra edge of gruffness, “I haven't seen you swim in years, kid. I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

As if embarrassed by his own display of affection, Hayate turns and leaves without so much as a “See you later”. Like grandfather, like grandson, huh? 

Rin chuckles as he watches Haru shut himself in the bathroom with the same air of embarrassment. Now alone, Rin rolls over onto his side and pulls the covers of himself. He’ll clean himself up later after Haru’s done with his bath, but now he's bat-shit tired. The moment he settles into a comfortable position with his arm tucked under his head, his eyelids force themselves shut, and he's lucky that his dreams are nothing but a peacefully blank slate.

* * *

Haru thanks the heavens above when the return flight to Tokyo is about nine and a half hours long, as opposed to the freaking _thirteen_ -hour flight he and Rin took from Tottori to Sydney a few days ago. Unlike Hayate, Haru and Rin don't have any luggage to retrieve upon landing since they brought everything with them on board their flight. Plus, they need to head to the stadium where nationals will be held to meet up with their respective teams, which is why they end up going on ahead first.

Haru was expecting a simple journey from the airport to the stadium, which he’ll spend figuring out how the hell he's going to face his friends after the less-than-pleasant note he had left them on.

What he was _not_ expecting: a burst of bright green in his mind and a shout of “Haru, Rin!” in a voice that is distinctly Makoto-sounding.

Haru nearly freezes when he spots Makoto on the other side of the glass doors, waving to them. Rin nudges him none too gently forward as he returns Makoto’s greeting, as if warning Haru not to run away.

“Hey, Makoto!” Rin says, grinning. “You came all the way here to meet us?”

Haru is relieved that Rin is currently holding Makoto’s attention, because all that swirls up inside of him is guilt. Why _would_ Makoto come all the way to Tokyo’s airport to pick him up? After everything Haru yelled in Makoto’s face that night, he doesn't deserve to be graced with Makoto’s smile, let alone his presence.

Makoto just chuckles sheepishly by way of answering. “You must be tired after your flight. It was around 5 a.m. local time, wasn't it?”

“Yeah, crazy shit, man,” Rin groans. “We’re lucky we caught some z’s on the plane, though Haru didn't seem to sleep well.”

Haru doesn't understand why Makoto is smiling, laughing and generally acting so pleasant like Haru didn't destroy their relationship just a few nights ago. He opens his mouth but hesitates. Since—true to Rin’s word—he didn't sleep well on the plane, he spent most of the flight rehearsing what he'd say to Makoto when they saw each other again; he would give a simple but heartfelt apology, then reassure Makoto that it’s okay if he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. If Makoto really doesn't want him around anymore, he would be more than glad to give Makoto what he wanted, even if it would tear his own heart apart. He would. He _would_ be okay doing that for Makoto, because there's no one whose happiness is more important to him than Makoto’s.

“Haru.”

Haru flinches before slowly, hesitantly, glancing up from the floor to meet Makoto’s gaze.

Makoto’s smile is the warmest it has ever been, even though Haru’s heart was frozen to the core the last time they saw each other. “Welcome home, Haru.”

Heat rises up in Haru’s face; his throat closes up and his eyes sting. He really doesn't understand anything about this guy. Makoto is acting like nothing happened, as if Haru had just disappeared off on a jolly vacation to Australia with Rin, yet Haru still remembers every word he hurled at Makoto with the intention of cutting him deep like it was all a mere few hours ago.

“I'm back.” Haru’s voice is small, barely above a whisper, but Makoto acknowledges it with a tilt of his head to the side in the trademark way that indicates he finds Haru endearing.

Makoto opens his mouth, as if to speak, but a different voice cuts in.

“I was wondering where you kids ran off to,” Hayate grumbles, dragging his luggage behind him along and carrying a plastic bag with what looks like alcohol bottles in it. The latter was definitely not with him when they were at Sydney Airport. “You couldn't wait a few minutes for this old man to get his duty-free?”

Makoto blinks before his eyes widen in recognition. “Eh? Gramps?!”

“Oh, if it isn't Makoto,” Hayate says. He examines Makoto from head to toe. “You've grown up, haven't you, lad? Last time I saw you, I could fit your whole head under my hand.”

“T—thank you. It’s a pleasant surprise to see you again.”

“Unfortunately, it’s for business, but it’s Haruka who owes you an explanation.” Hayate cuffs Haru upside the head lightly. “You boys will be swimming at the national tournament in, what, two days’ time? I’ll be there to cheer you on.” He glances down at his watch and clicks his tongue. “Well, I've got to go check that my apartment is still working and hasn't been filled with bugs in my absence. Haruka, Rin, don't forget to explain the plan to the rest of your merry gang. I’ll be expecting all of you at my apartment this evening. Cheers.”

With that, Hayate sweeps past them at brisker pace than should be possible for a man his age.

Makoto chuckles as he watches Hayate disappear through the exit. “It’s nice that your grandpa’s back, isn't it, Haru?”

Haru can't find his voice, so he settles for nodding. 

After checking the bus timings in the airport, the three head out to the bus stop and catch the first bus that will take them to the stadium. Since they're the first to board, they get dibs on which seats they want. Rin immediately snags the last row and tosses himself onto a seat by the window. Makoto lets Haru go ahead of him before settling on Haru’s other side. Throughout the hour-long bus ride, Rin cheerfully describes to Makoto the places the two of them went to and the sights they saw, though he's careful to leave out their late-night adventure prior to their flight. Makoto smiles and gasps at the appropriate places, and he melts into his seat when Rin shows him the pictures he took of Sydney’s cats.

“Cats still refuse to accept my love, though they seem to like Haru well enough,” Rin says. He probably included Haru’s name as an afterthought, since Haru hasn't spoken a single word ever since leaving the airport—Haru wishes he hadn't. Oblivious to Haru’s discomfort or just straight-up ignoring it, Rin adds with a shit-eating smirk, “He also said something along the lines of _‘Makoto would like the cats here’_.”

“Oi,” Haru mutters. He sinks lower into his seat, wondering if it’s possible to disappear right through it.

Makoto smiles at Haru. “Then maybe one day we should go and see Sydney's cats together, Haru.”

Haru doesn't even notice Rin making faces like he's about to be sick. If Makoto’s talking about going to Sydney together, that must mean…

No, Haru won't let himself indulge in that train of thought. After everything he said and did, he doesn't deserve to be with Makoto. He stares resolutely at the seat in front of him, trying to ignore the concern in the green Bond.

Rin’s eyebrows raise, but he changes the subject from Sydney’s cats and doesn't mention Haru anymore, which Haru is quietly grateful for.

When they arrive at their stop, Makoto and Haru part ways with Rin at the entrance—though not without Haru thanking Rin for bringing him to Australia first—and Makoto leads Haru around the stadium to the open field behind it. Other than Makoto updating him on what the team has been up to while Haru was in Australia, the walk is quiet—but not their usual kind of quiet. Even though Makoto seems at ease humming a rock song under his breath to fill the silence, the words on the tip of Haru’s tongue seems to have tangled it up into knots instead of forming into actual verbal sentences. It shouldn't be this hard, yet he finds himself trailing several steps behind Makoto and unable to face him.

They arrive at a clearing, where Rei and Nagisa are seated on a bench with their clasped hands resting on Nagisa’s lap. When Makoto calls out to them, they immediately leap to their feet and sprint over to meet Makoto and Haru on the path. They stop in front of Haru, smiling at him like nothing’s wrong. Their warm welcome stuns him; he's unable to say anything other than their names.

“Welcome back, Haru-chan!” Nagisa greets.

“It is heartening to see that you have made it home safely,” Rei says, prim and proper as ever.

(Haru thinks it wouldn't be in their best interests right now to mention the harrowing experience of breaking and entering into GREAT's base—it’s several tiers higher on the danger ladder than breaking and entering into an abandoned swim club or another school.)

A teasing glint lights up Nagisa’s eyes. “Jeez, Rei-chan was really worried about you, y’know.”

So caught up in his surprise, Haru hardly registers Rei’s spluttered squawk of “Nagisa-kun!” That's right, it wasn't just Makoto he had hurt that night; Rei and Nagisa were just trying to help him too in their own way, yet all he did was push them away. He doesn't deserve their concern.

Haru glances down at his feet. “I'm sorry I made you guys worry.”

Nagisa shakes his head, still smiling. “It’s fine, Haru-chan.”

“Nagisa-kun is correct,” Rei chimes in. “More importantly, please rest up for our relay race, which takes place the day after tomorrow. We’ll only need to make final adjustments and preparations for the tournament.”

Haru has no doubt that Rin told them—or at least Makoto, captain-to-captain—that he has something he needs to tell them; he can sense the curiosity underlying Nagisa and Makoto’s happiness at his return. They're willing to dance around the issue for his sake, but he doesn't want that anymore. He doesn't want to hide the truth from them anymore—hiding it has only brought him nothing but pain, and it will hurt them too if he continues hiding.

“Makoto, Nagisa, Rei,” he says. “There's something I need to tell you.”

Haru brings them to a quiet place behind a clearing of trees, which overlooks a stream of clear water, for privacy. There, he tells them all about GREAT, the contract, and how he is not truly free because of the bombs planted inside them. He winces when Nagisa’s hands immediately—almost unconsciously—run over his chest and torso, as if trying to find the bomb.

Makoto’s voice is steady even as his hands are trembling ever so slightly. “So basically, GREAT is still around, and they said they'll blow us up if you don't follow their demands?”

Haru lowers his head, guilt washing over him. “Yeah. I couldn't tell you guys—how could I? I thought it would just scare you guys, but I didn't realise how much it would hurt you if you were kept in the dark. I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for keeping all this from you, but more importantly, I'm sorry for—”

“Don't apologise,” Makoto cuts in fiercely.

“But—”

“Nanase Haruka, don't you _dare_ apologise for being our friend. I never, _ever_ want to hear those words from you.”

It will never fail to amaze Haru how Makoto possesses the keen ability to read his mind under any circumstances. The guilt Haru felt then for getting them involved with GREAT in the first place and the guilt he still feels now for having their lives one push of a button away from literally blowing up—it’s threatening to drown him. But, despite it all, Makoto has reached into the depths to pull Haru out even though it would be understandable—even acceptable—if he were to leave Haru to get swept away in the currents.

Nagisa nods vigorously. “That's right, Haru-chan! It’s not your fault those creepy scientists kidnapped us and put those bombs in us. There's no way you could have known or prevented it from happening. Besides, it’s impossible for me to ever regret meeting Haru-chan!”

“Same here,” Makoto says with an air of finality.

Haru could probably cry, even if he'd never admit it—but something is not right. More specifically, a certain someone’s uncharacteristic silence has aroused his suspicion.

“Rei,” Haru says. “What's wrong?”

Rei, who was previously staring off to the side with a guilty expression of his own, flinches at the call of his name. “Ah, truth be told…” he hedges, flustered. “I knew the truth all along. Rin-san informed me about everything. My apologies for keeping it from you, Haruka-senpai.”

Haru can only sigh. Trust Rin to keep _that_ detail from him when nagging him to tell the others the truth. “Rin told you to keep it a secret, didn't he? And he probably told you to tell me that he threatened you into silence so I would get mad at him and not you, right?”

Rei blinks. “Yes, that would be accurate. _Are_ you upset, Haruka-senpai?”

“As annoying and pushy as Rin is, he was just doing all that with my best interests at heart,” Haru admits, though he shoots a glare in the general direction of where he guesses Samezuka’s team is at. “Even if I _did_ tell him on multiple occasions not to get you involved.”

“So if GREAT is gonna take Haru-chan away after high school…” Nagisa counts on his fingers before letting out a distressed cry. “Ehh? So Haru-chan will be taken away in February? But that can't happen! Haru-chan… Haru-chan can't leave—we still have many more races to swim together!” he wails, grabbing the front of Haru’s shirt. He peers up at Haru with tears threatening to spill out. “Haru-chan, you're not gonna let them take you away, right?”

Haru rests a firm hand on Nagisa’s head. “No one’s going to take me away,” he vows solemnly. “I promise you, I won't let them take me from you guys. There won't be an end to us. Rin and I have a plan to get me out of GREAT’s clutches and then topple the organisation.” 

Well, sort of. Only the first part is anything solid, but there are so many risks to it that Haru doesn't think he should scare them by giving them too many details just yet. 

“And once I'm free, I'm gonna continue swimming," Haru continues. "All this time, I had never cared about victories, losses and timings. That was what Rin cared about, since he was the one who wanted to compete in the Olympics. I never had such strong feelings about swimming—I just wanted to feel the water, so I thought my swimming would lose its meaning if I started caring about such bothersome things. 

"The water—I'm not sure if it's part of my powers or it's just me, but it speaks to me. During regionals, I was dreading swimming because of the scouts—they reminded me of a future I thought I couldn't have; a normal future that I could decide for myself. That was when the water stopped accepting me, and that's why I stopped during my race. 

"But when we were in Sydney, Rin took me to see and experience all kinds of things. He brought me to the stadium where the best swimmers all over the world gather to compete. He, uh, said some stuff to me, and that's when I started trying to believe in a future where I could be free. That's when the water started speaking to me again. I saw all kinds of things… and I've decided." Haru clenches his fist. "I want to continue swimming, so I'm gonna start caring about stuff like my times. And to do that, I'm gonna fight for my freedom.” He pats Nagisa’s head gently. “Nagisa, you said you wanted to continue swimming with me—with all of us. But regardless of whether or not you choose to enter the swimming world, we’ll always be a part of each other’s lives, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Ah, because of the Bond, right?” Nagisa says.

“Well, there's that, but I don't think that's what Haru meant entirely,” Makoto pipes up. “We’ll always have our memories and our bonds keeping us together, regardless of whether there's an actual Bond or not."

“Indeed!” Rei adds. “All of you and Rin-san were the ones who taught me that once you have built a strong rapport with other individuals, it isn't something easily lost, and it can withstand the test of time and life’s many challenges. No matter where we end up going, as long as we have our ties with each other and our freedom, we’ll always be connected. Isn't that beautiful? _GYAH-HA-HA-HA!_ ”

Haru’s lips twitch. It’s not quite a smile, but it’s close enough to make him feel soft and warm inside. These guys—they're worth fighting for a million times over. 

“Yes, it is.”

* * *

Rin finds his teammates gathered in the courtyard on the east side of the stadium. Upon spotting him, they immediately rise to their feet to greet him, which he returns with a wave of his own. Ai stands in front of the rest of the group with his back upright and arms straight by his side, like a dutiful soldier awaiting instructions from the general. Rin supposes this isn't an inaccurate comparison, since he did leave Ai in charge of the members who will be advancing to nationals in his absence. Ai updates him on everyone's conditions (“We’re all in tip-top shape and ready for the tournament!”), only to be interrupted by Momo rushing up to Rin with all the enthusiasm of a golden retriever puppy.

“Rin-senpai, Rin-senpai!” Momo exclaims eagerly. “My souvenir—did you get me a souvenir? Koala! Kangaroo!” 

Rin sighs. “Annoying as ever, I see.” He retrieves a wooden boomerang from his duffel bag and lightly knocks the top of Momo’s carrot-coloured hair with it. “Here you go.”

“A boomerang, yeet!” Momo crows, snatching the souvenir from Rin’s hands. He whirls around to flaunt his cool new toy to the other guys on the team. “Look, guys, Rin-senpai got me a boomerang from _Australia!_ ”

While Momo continues flexing his boomerang, Rin does a quick head count and realises he's one man short.

“Hey Ai, where's Sousuke?”

“Oh, he's meeting up with us later,” Ai answers. “He said he has something he needs to take care of.”

That's just like Sousuke to disappear off with little to no explanation, even when the entire team knows about his shoulder. It’s nothing to worry about, though; Rin knows Sousuke will return.

He glances back at Ai, who is smiling in fond exasperation as he watches Momo’s antics. Rin and Ai have been on the Samezuka swim team for the same amount of time—and now that the end of his high school swimming days is coming up, Rin feels like he owes Ai something.

“Hey, just thought I'd let you know that I've enjoyed your company,” Rin mutters gruffly, ruffling Ai’s hair. “Thanks for everything, Ai.”

Ai gapes up at Rin, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed. “Eh, Rin-senpai?”

Rin claps his hands together to get the attention of the rest of the team, ignoring Ai’s bewildered look. “Now that most of us are here, let’s head inside for any last-minute preparations. Momo, no dawdling or I’ll take that boomerang away just as easily as I gave it to you.”

“Aww, Rin-senpai, so stingy!” Momo whines, folding his arms around his boomerang protectively.

Uozumi slaps Momo on the shoulder. “Stingy? Dude, you're the only one the captain got a souvenir for.”

Momo cackles. “Yeah, guess I'm Rin-senpai's favourite!”

“Oi, don't push your luck, Sea Otter,” Rin growls. But even so, he can't stifle a chuckle or two.

As fun and crazy as Sydney was, it’s nice to be back home, and Rin intends to enjoy his last few months here before he returns to Australia to chase his dream.

* * *

Nagisa is apparently starving, so he has dragged Rei off to a nearby café to indulge himself in all manners of cakes. He doesn't seem to have heard Rei’s indignant lectures of watching his nutritional intake as they have an important tournament coming up. Since neither Makoto nor Haru feel like eating, they have returned to the stadium and taken a place up in the stands. They watch the swimmers practising in the pool, silence hanging over them. Makoto’s arms are comfortably folded and rested on the metal railing, but Haru’s hands are tensed around it.

“This really is nationals—everyone’s so fast,” Makoto gasps, sounding awed.

Haru doesn't respond to that, too busy running through what he's going to say over and over again in his head. It’s now or never. Makoto may be willing to forgive and forget, but the guilt will eat Haru alive if he doesn't say something now.

“Makoto, I… I—” Haru’s knuckles tighten around the railing as the words he yelled at Makoto flash through his mind. “I said something really horrible to you that night.” He turns to face Makoto. Momentarily, his gaze dips lower to the floor where it feels most comfortable, when he's feeling anything but that. However, he knows he owes Makoto a genuine apology, so he forces himself to meet Makoto’s eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“Haru…” Makoto gasps, but then he shakes his head. “I owe you an apology too, for not being able to tell you about my post-graduation plans until the worst possible moment. I shouldn't have kept it from you. I'm sorry, Haru.”

“It’s okay.” Even so, Haru has to wonder—where _did_ Makoto get the idea to go to a university all the way in Tokyo, especially when there's a pretty decent university in their prefecture AKA much closer to home?

Makoto smiles as he reads Haru’s expression. “For me… well, I felt like I wasn't suited for competitive swimming, unlike you or Rin. The world of competition isn't for me, so I was thinking I’d just go to our local university and study something that could help me get a fairly stable career later on, since there wasn't anything in particular that I wanted to do. When I started helping Coach Sasabe at Iwatobi SC Returns, I initially saw it just as a favour I was doing for him. But as time went on, I realised something—I genuinely enjoyed teaching the kids how to swim, especially Hayato. I really wanted to do something to help him love swimming. Remember when you gave me advice when I had no idea how to help him?”

Embarrassed, Haru glances aside. “I didn't do much.”

Makoto chuckles. “When I taught Hayato how to swim backstroke, he told me, _‘I'm not scared of swimming anymore. I had fun!’_ It made me…” A soft smile spreads across his face. “It made me so happy, more than I can express with words. That's why I want to teach more kids how fun swimming is—I want to join the teaching side of the swimming world. And to learn how to do that, I'm going to a university in Tokyo, because the local one doesn't offer any relevant degrees. That's the dream I've found for myself, Haru.”

Makoto doesn't need to use words to express his joy—he's practically glowing with it, both in terms of his Bond as well as his entire person. His eyes are sparkling; his smile has never been this wide or blinding before. He's beautiful, and Haru has never been more in love with anyone or anything before.

Haru feels a smile of his own emerge on his face. On some unconscious instinct to always be near Makoto, he shifts closer. “I see. You'll definitely make it happen.”

Makoto’s beam widens, and he closes the gap between them. Their shoulders brush, sending tingles down Haru’s spine. “Thanks, Haru. Ah, but all that studying won't be easy. First there's the entrance exams, and after that is all the coursework for the actual degree. I'm gonna be so busy.”

“That's true. But if this is a dream you really believe in, you should pursue it with everything you have.”

“How wise of you, Haruka-sama.” Makoto nods mock-somberly, then clenches his hand into a fist and pumps it. “All right, then. I'm gonna work hard so I can go to Tokyo, make my dream a reality and help more kids discover the joys of swimming.”

Haru watches the way Makoto’s entire expression seems to glow like heavenly emeralds under the summer sun, and his heart softens until it’s practically mush.

 _I really,_ really _do love him._

Haru reaches out, about to take Makoto’s hand to give it the usual three squeezes by way of saying those three words, but he pauses. Before everything that had gone down several nights ago, he would have had no qualms about doing that—but only now does he realise something that should've struck him _much_ earlier. 

He can't keep waiting for the right moment or the right words to tell Makoto how he feels.

Up until a few nights ago, they had always operated on a basis of quiet mutual understanding, never really needing words to communicate. However, if their first ever fight proved anything, it’s that there are some things that need to be _said_ with actual words, or Haru would end up flying to a whole other continent just to escape again—and he is done running away from Makoto.

Haru’s stomach twists into knots at the thought of what he's about to say, but he forces the words out anyway. “Makoto… there's something I should've told you earlier—something I should've found the words for earlier. It’s probably really obvious, and you probably already know, but it’s about… it’s about my feelings. For you. I—” He pauses, his throat going dry. “Well, I can't exactly say that I _like_ you because that would be an understatement. And honestly speaking, anything I could say with words is going to be an understatement. But for what it’s worth…

“Makoto, I love you.”

An eternity of silence seems to pass by before a small “Eh?” escapes Makoto, whose jaw has been hanging open the entire time.

Haru rolls his eyes, an odd combination of impatience and embarrassment mixing in him. “I said I love you, okay? Is it really that much of a shock?”

“I—I mean, no,” Makoto stammers, still blushing. “I've always known—like, implicitly—how you, um, felt. But I just—I never thought you'd actually _say_ it out loud.”

Instantly, Haru’s heart clenches with fear. “Were you waiting for me to say it?”

“No, you never needed to—it’s obvious in everything you do. You've never made fun of my fears and insecurities, no matter how silly they are—”

“Your fears and insecurities are not silly," Haru cuts in fiercely. "And not making fun of you is the bare minimum of decent human behaviour. It's nothing to applaud me for."

Makoto smiles. “See, that's what I mean. You're always taking care of me. When we walk to school and back home, you're always on the side closer to the ocean—it makes me feel like you're protecting me from it.”

How can Makoto say all that without getting embarrassed? Flustered, Haru glances away once more. “I don't do it for your sake. I just like being near water.” 

But if it makes Makoto feel safe, Haru has no objections.

“I suppose so,” Makoto concedes. “Still, thank you for loving me. I love Haru-chan too.”

Haru scowls at Makoto. “That doesn't mean you get to call me ‘chan’. Drop it already.”

Makoto bursts into light, lilting chuckles. “Sorry, Haru. I forget when you're being all cute like that.”

Haru’s scowl deepens. “I'm not cute.”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Makoto pauses, and his eyes flicker down to Haru’s lips. The blush on his face increases by tenfold, as does the bashfulness emanating from the green Bond. “Say, Haru, would it be really inappropriate if I admitted that I kinda wanna kiss you right now?”

Haru rolls his eyes. Is that all Makoto is concerned about? “I don't care.”

“But Haru, it’s not— _mmph!_ ”

Tired of Makoto’s self-consciousness, Haru leans up and presses his lips to Makoto’s. He reaches up to tangle his fingers in Makoto’s hair to keep him locked in the kiss as Haru indulges himself. The taste of Makoto’s lips is like a gulp of clean, fresh water after days of wandering in a dry desert, and Haru greedily takes as much as he can, the fact that they're in public be damned.

Makoto’s face is redder than Rin’s hair when Haru pulls away for air. Pride surges through Haru at the sight.

“Haru!” Makoto wails, though it’s clear by the twitching of his lips that he's resisting a smile. “We’re in _public!_ People are _looking!_ ”

“Good,” Haru states plainly, even though he knows the stands are empty except for them and the nearest people are downstairs in the pool, too far away to see them. “Now they know you're mine.”

“Jeez, Haru, what on earth happened in Australia to make you suddenly okay with PDA?”

“Nothing, I just…” Haru bites his lip. “I just missed you, that's all.”

“Don't do that to your lip,” Makoto chides, using his thumb to prise Haru’s lower lip from his teeth. For all his lecturing about the inappropriateness of their earlier PDA, though, his thumb lingers on Haru’s mouth even after his lip is no longer caught under his teeth. “I missed you too, Haru.”

“Makoto, another thing,” Haru mumbles. His hand drops from Makoto’s hair to his shoulder. The memory of the look on Makoto's face like Haru had just stabbed him in the back when Haru called him meddlesome resurfaces in his mind. “I—I don't want to fight like that with you ever again. Rin made our trip there sound like it was all fun and adventures, but I couldn't fully enjoy myself 'cause all that was on my mind was you—how badly I had hurt you. I was…” His grip on Makoto’s shoulder tightens. “I was terrified that you wouldn't want me back. I don't ever want to lose you.”

“Haru,” Makoto murmurs, his hand shifting to cup Haru’s face. “I could never not want you, no matter how many times we fight. And yes, I said times, because fights are normal in any relationship. It’s honestly an amazing feat that we didn't have a single fight until that night. But the thing is, we’re more likely than not going to fight again in the future, and that's okay. It won't change anything about us. I just don't want you to feel like you have to run away again the next time we fight.”

Haru nods. “Sorry. I’ll stay next time, and we’ll work it out. That's what people do, right?”

“Yeah.” Makoto beams at him. “I'm proud of you, Haru.”

Haru counters the beam with a glare. “Don't patronise me.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Haru can't stay annoyed at Makoto for long, though. In no time, his eyes are drifting back down to Makoto’s mouth again like steel to a magnet. Likewise, Makoto’s gaze flickers down to Haru’s lips and remains there.

“Now that we've got all that serious talk out of the way, how about we take this somewhere more private?”

Haru has never agreed to something so quickly, not even the prospect of swimming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! please kudos and comment if you can, i really appreciate those :D
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	24. don't look back… until it’s too late (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amidst the mindless bickering in the background, Haru wonders—will it really work out as easily as Nagisa has made it out to sound? The Fates can be cruel, dangling over your head a false hope of freedom and snatching it away just as you're about to reach up and grab it. Haru would know—after his parents had been killed and his grandfather had chased the remaining scientists out of Japan, he thought he was finally free, only for two Australian agents from GREAT to show up at his doorstep and announce the presence of the bombs in his friends. 
> 
> The point is, Haru knows what GREAT is like—there is this bad feeling in his gut that he can't shake, and his intuition has never once led him astray. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🚨 **WARNING: graphic content.** 🚨 please exercise caution when reading this. the squicky part starts at _"When all the preparations are done, Hayate gestures to Makoto."_ and ends at _'“Is it out yet?” Rin removes the sponge from his mouth to complain.'_ if you need more details/warnings, please refer to the endnotes.
> 
> on a lighter note, my apologies for the prolonged wait ;; school's really been kicking me in the ass with deadlines and projects and tests. i'll try and edit and upload the following chapters ASAP but my schedule's pretty erratic and so will be updates for this. my apologies, and thank you for your patience :')

As per Hayate’s instructions before he left them at the airport, Haru and Makoto (after concluding their make-out session in an abandoned storage closet) meet up with Rin, Rei and Nagisa before heading to Hayate’s apartment. The entire living room is devoid of anything—Hayate probably shifted his furniture into another room—and every square inch of the floor is covered in multiple layers of cloth.

Hayate, wasting no time, gets down to business right away. “I assume Haruka explained the plan to the three of you?” He gestures to Makoto, Nagisa and Rei.

“Uh,” Makoto begins. “He only said that we were gonna remove the bombs but he didn't specify how.”

Hayate smacks his forehead and shoots Haru a glare. “Kid, we really need to work on your communication skills.”

Haru thinks of the complete _lack_ of communication between him and his grandfather during their years apart and how Hayate communicated about matters regarding Haru’s future more to Rin than to Haru himself. He is tempted to snap _“Says you”_ but not being in the mood for an argument, he settles for glowering at the floor.

Rei clears his throat. “I am uncertain what the purpose of my presence here is, but if it’s for moral support I gladly offer it.”

“Nope, you've got your own job, Glasses,” Hayate says briskly. “How steady are your hands?”

“Fairly?”

“They're definitely gonna have to be for this to work.”

Rei puffs up. “I assure you, Nanase-san, the steadiness of my hands is of top-notch—wait, what relevance does the steadiness of my hands have to do with anything? You don't mean…”

Haru’s eyes widen in horror. He rounds on Hayate, furious. This old geezer is _so_ not one to talk about poor communication. “ _You_ didn't tell me what you had in mind for Rei,” he accuses. “You just said I had to bring him along and then pretended to fall asleep on the plane when I asked you why.”

“ _T_ _hat's_ exactly why," Hayate retorts. "If I had told you, you wouldn't have agreed to bring him along, would you?”

Haru’s scowl deepens because it _is_ true. “Why not get an actual professional to do it? You were in the special forces—surely you know someone who's actually qualified to remove the bombs.”

Hayate levels Haru with a look that chills him to his bones. His eyes speak more than words ever could about a lifetime of trauma, suffering and betrayal that Haru, with his youthful naiveté, can't even begin to understand. “Kid, the few people I have ever trusted in my entire life are all dead now. The special forces are no longer what they used to be—now, they're full of rats and snakes who won't think twice about stabbing their dearest comrade in the back if it means rising up the ranks. Can't trust them to even watch my beer for me while I go and take a piss.” 

“But why Rei-chan?” Nagisa asks. To anyone who doesn't know him, it would look like he's just asking a simple question. But Haru, who has known him for almost nine years now, can see the fierce glint in Nagisa’s eyes under his usual blithe demeanour. “Isn't it too dangerous? And besides that, Rei-chan has nothing to do with any of this.”

Rei’s shoulders stiffen, but Hayate says, “And that's precisely why. Haruka can't touch the bombs because GREAT preempted a possible attempt attempt by him to remove them, so they're set to detonate if he makes even the slightest contact with them. Similarly, GREAT knows about you three and me—there’s a risk the bombs would go off if we touched them too. As someone who joined your merry bunch of buds much later, GREAT doesn't know about Glasses, which makes him the best person for this job."

Rei doesn't say a word, though his expression is pulled into a grim frown. The crease between his eyebrows deepens—a sign that he's in deep thought, probably calculating the risk of the operation versus the losses if he doesn't participate.

“Rei, it’s alright if you don't want to do this,” Makoto says gently. “It’s scary, so we get it. We can always find another—”

“How exactly are the bombs defused, Nanase-san?”

Hayate brandishes the Titan-450 pin. “This. It works like a key—just slot it in and twist to defuse.”

Haru stares at Rei, slack-jawed. “Rei, you're serious?”

“I will not do anything I'm not a hundred percent serious about, Haruka-senpai,” Rei says, pushing his glasses up. “Additionally, Rin-san has prepared me for an occasion like this. He informed me I would play an instrumental role in removing the bombs once he obtained more information, though at that time I was unsure as to what that role would entail.”

Haru whirls on Rin, livid. “Rin, I _told_ you not to get Rei involved.”

Rin holds his hands up in surrender. “I'm not all that good at listening to instructions.” 

“And, Rei,” Haru continues, decidedly ignoring Rin. “I told you that you don't have to do anything Rin tells you to, especially if it’s dangerous or uncomfortable. You're free to make your own decisions for yourself.”

Rei nods. “I know that, Haruka-senpai. And this is a decision that I _have_ made for myself. I want to save my friends, and I want Haruka-senpai to be free. _Truly_ free.”

Haru sighs, but he knows when he has lost a battle. When Rei gets that look on his face that says he won't stop at anything before achieving what he set out to do, be it learning all the strokes or surreptitiously stalking Rin at a summer festival, there really is no telling him otherwise.

“Of course, we’re not going to throw you to the wolves without some practice first,” Hayate says. “Wait here.” 

He disappears into another room and emerges with a dummy slung over his shoulder. He dumps it face-down on the floor in front of Rei, exposing the fake plastic bomb embedded in its back. He briefs Rei on everything he has to do, from how to insert the pin into the bomb to cutting the wires with a pair of pliers.

“These are all based on proven bomb-removal theory, correct?” Rei asks apprehensively.

“Glasses, you're talking to a former captain on the special forces. I know my shit.”

Abashed, Rei adjusts his glasses. “I… I just wanted to be sure…”

Once done with briefing Rei, Hayate tosses a sheaf of what appears to be x-ray scans to Rin. “Red, you're doing the bulk of the gruesome work. Familiarise yourself with the location of the bombs.”

“When did you have time to get that?” Haru asks.

Rin grins. “The night we got the blueprints for the bombs. These happened to be nearby and I thought they'd come in useful, so I swiped them.”

Haru sighs. No one ever lets him in on anything.

“Haruka,” Hayate says, “you know your role.”

Haru nods. It’s not much, compared to what Rin and Rei will have to do, but if he doesn't have anything at all to do he’d probably lose his mind with worry.

Satisfied, Hayate turns to the other two who are lingering awkwardly in the room. “Makoto, Nagisa, rest up. It’s gonna be a long, painful process.”

* * *

When all the preparations are done, Hayate gestures to Makoto. Obediently, Makoto removes his shirt, lies down on the floor and rests his chin on the pillow prepared for him. Haru strips down to his jammers—no sense in getting his clothes wet—and dumps a small tub of water over his head. Power thrums through his veins, alongside fear and anxiety. He can't tell how much of it is his own and how much of it is Makoto’s. Yet, Makoto’s face betrays no sign of his usual timid cowardice. He smiles gently up at Haru, like it’s just the two of them in the room playing _Underwater Fighters_ together—and how Haru wishes it were so.

Rin’s outline momentarily glows red, and his teeth stretch out into fangs past his jaw. He straddles Makoto’s back and braces his hands on the floor, while Rei hunches down beside him with the pin and pliers ready.

An aspect of Haru’s—and Nagisa’s—healing powers is numbing pain from injuries. From Nagisa and Rei’s disjointed narration of what happened when they washed up on the island that night during their training camp last year, Haru is given to understand that Nagisa’s healing powers helped to alleviate Rei’s calf cramps by numbing the pain first before relaxing the muscles. Haru himself had no idea his own powers could work like that, seeing that he had hardly used them.

And that is what Haru does. He keeps a steady grip on Makoto’s hand—just like how Makoto holds his when helping him out of the pool—as Rin’s fangs tear through Makoto’s back to get to the bomb. Makoto stifles a whimper into the pillow—but even as he muffles his sounds, Haru can feel Makoto’s pain like it’s his own back that Rin’s fangs are ripping through.

Haru can't bear to watch, but he would feel like a coward if he closed his eyes. Instead, he focuses on Makoto’s face. Despite all the pain he is in, Makoto is still smiling at Haru, as if to reassure him that everything is going to be okay. Haru has never felt so useless before, because there's only so much his power can do. While it’s enough to keep Makoto from straight-up passing out from the pain, Haru can't use too much in case he accidentally ends up healing Makoto before Rei manages to defuse and extricate the bomb.

Out of his peripheral vision, Haru watches Rin and Rei exchange places for Rei to carry out his part of the operation. Then he catches sight of the blood dribbling down onto the cloths on the floor, and he tightens his hold on Makoto’s hands.

“It’s okay, Haru,” Makoto whispers. He gives Haru’s hand three gentle squeezes. “I'm okay. You don't have to be afraid.”

A lump rises up Haru’s throat, and his vision blurs. Makoto is the one whose back is literally torn open and bleeding. Haru is supposed to be the one taking away Makoto’s pain, so why is _he_ the one being comforted instead? He really is useless.

“I'm not afraid,” Haru snaps, his voice hoarse. But all the same, he feels Makoto’s shockwaves of pain as Rei does whatever he's doing (Haru can't bear to raise his head and look), and his heart clenches with worry. If he can't contribute anything useful, the least he can do is share some of Makoto’s pain. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to their joined hands.

_Give me your pain, Makoto, all of it. I’m useless right now, but I’ll be strong enough for the both of us._

Makoto chuckles, running his thumb over the back of Haru’s hand. “You're so strong, Haru. You always know how to make me feel safe.”

Haru chalks up Makoto’s silly babbling to blood loss. Between the two of them, Makoto is obviously the stronger one.

“Successfully defused!” Rei crows, though he quickly sobers up from his state of triumphant glee as he glances around him. “Now, the pliers…”

“Here.” Rin passes the pliers to Rei. 

Haru takes one look at Rin’s bloody mouth—it’s covered with _Makoto’s_ blood—and whips his head in the opposite direction so quickly he nearly sprains his neck. The sight of Makoto’s blood staining Rin’s fangs, his mangled and bleeding back and Rei’s bloodstained medical gloves—it’s safe to say that Haru will be having nightmares for the next month at least.

Seeming to sense Haru’s extreme discomfort, Rin excuses himself to the bathroom. Moments later, the sounds of furious scrubbing, gargling and spitting can be heard before Rin re-emerges, his mouth now clean of blood.

“Removed!” Rei announces. He passes the bomb—which is so tiny it looks like a child’s toy in Rei’s hands—to Hayate who’s wearing what looks like military gloves, if the harder and bulkier material is anything to go by.

Haru barely waits for Rei to move away before finally removing the shackles he had on his powers. A blue glow wraps around the large gaping wound on Makoto’s back. When it vanishes, new unblemished skin has grown over the opening. Looking at him now, you never would have guessed he had his back torn open by fangs just moments ago.

Makoto smiles weakly. “I told you, Haru-chan, I'm okay.”

Haru pulls Makoto into a fierce embrace, pressing Makoto’s face into his chest and resting his own head on top of Makoto’s. It’s not a position he is often in—given the fact that Makoto is taller than him—but all his instincts are screaming at him to do one crucial task: protect Makoto.

Haru’s voice is shaky as he snaps, “I told you to knock off the ‘chan’, didn't I?”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Not caring that his friends and grandfather is still in the room, Haru presses a kiss to Makoto’s lips before hauling Makoto to his feet and bringing him to another room to rest. He fluffs up the pillows, tucks Makoto into the bed and covers the bedside table with bottles of isotonic water and snacks to help him with the blood loss. 

“You take such good care of me,” Makoto murmurs, brushing his fingers over Haru’s cheek. “Thanks, Haru.”

Haru pulls the blanket up to Makoto’s neck, unable to reply. Makoto is terrifyingly pale from all the blood he lost; even his natural tan from swimming can't hide how sickly he looks. It’s a harsh reminder that while Haru could heal the wound itself, he can't replace even an ounce of blood lost—that's up to Makoto’s body to do on its own. Makoto has done so much to take care of Haru—making sure he goes to school on time, bringing him food when he hit that funk in middle school, saving him from his grief in the ocean—but the one time it truly counts, Haru can't do the same.

He leans down to kiss Makoto again, longer and lingering this time. “Rest,” he orders. “I don't want to see you awake for the next three hours. If you're still asleep when we’re done with Nagisa and Rin, I’ll carry you back to the hotel.”

Makoto’s eyelids are trembling with the effort of remaining open. “Got it…” he yawns. “Goodnight, Haru.”

Haru nods, and he stays until he's sure Makoto has fallen asleep. He presses a kiss to Makoto’s forehead before getting up and heading out. It’s time for round two.

* * *

Nagisa is ready and all smiles when Haru takes his post in front of the makeshift operation bed. After dousing himself in water again, Haru settles down in front of Nagisa and takes his hands. He doesn't have much time to think about how much smaller Nagisa’s hands are than Makoto’s before Nagisa starts talking a mile an hour about _food_ of all things.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirps with sparkling eyes. He’s seemingly unbothered by Rin’s fangs grazing over his back, searching for the right place. “There's this new limited edition Iwatobi cream bread at the store. It’s matcha cream this time! Do you wanna try it with me?”

Haru doesn't even care that it’s not mackerel-flavoured. Without thinking, he blurts out, “I’ll try anything and everything you want me to.”

Nagisa lets out a victory cheer, but it morphs into a pained whimper when Rin’s fangs start to sink into his skin. He looks so tiny and helpless underneath Rin, unlike Makoto, that panic immediately starts pumping through Haru. He isn't just going to sit around and watch as the smallest and most vulnerable of his friends suffers. Instinctively, he pours more power through the Bond, desperate to take away all of Nagisa’s pain.

“Haruka,” Hayate says sharply, tugging his shoulder. “Cut back on the power—you’re healing Blondie. You can heal him afterwards, once Glasses has removed the bomb.”

“I'm fine, Haru-chan,” Nagisa chimes in. “If you keep healing me, Rin-chan will have to start all over again.”

And if Rin has to start over from scratch, Nagisa will have to go through all that pain a second time.

Reluctantly, Haru cuts back on the power, just enough to numb the pain. All the while, he curses himself for—well, just about everything. His power isn't enough to completely take away Nagisa’s pain without impeding the removal process. He nearly made Nagisa go through everything again. It was his friendship with Nagisa that's the reason why Nagisa is having his body ripped open so the bomb inside can be removed—

“Now, now, Haru-chan,” Nagisa tuts. He would succeed at looking somewhat admonishing—even with his childish appearance—if it weren’t for the occasional grimaces and whimpers. “You're thinking too much again. You shouldn't do that—it’s not like you to think so much.”

And here Haru is again, being comforted when he should be the one comforting, when he doesn't deserve it at all. How is it that all of them are stronger than him, that they can smile and joke through their pain while he crumbles just watching them suffer?

He scowls and glances down. “I'm not thinking of anything.”

“Then smile, Haru-chan. Being all sad and gloomy isn't gonna do anything.” Nagisa reaches up and presses his fingers to the corners of Haru’s mouth, forcing them up. “See, you're smiling now!”

“Well, only because you forced him to,” Rei, who is hunched over Nagisa’s back with the pin, deadpans. “And will you please stop fidgeting so much, Nagisa-kun? I nearly hit a nerve!”

Haru just barely suppresses a shudder. That is not something he needed to ever hear one of his friends say about another friend in a far-too literal context, _ever_. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Nagisa sings, grinning. “I promise I’ll be good for Rei-chan now!”

Rei’s face goes bright red, but his expression becomes one of utter concentration when he lowers the pin to where Haru presumes the bomb is. Although Haru keeps his focus on Nagisa, he can't help but think that this must be even harder for Rei. Haru has the luxury of not having to look at how mutilated and bloody Nagisa’s back is, but Rei has to stare at it until he defuses and removes the bomb. On top of that, he's working under immense pressure—not only is his boyfriend in immense pain, but if he were to do it wrongly he might end up accidentally blowing up Nagisa there and then. _And_ he's had to do it twice. Rei, the newcomer to the group and the outsider, is far stronger than Haru can ever imagine being.

When Rei passes the defused bomb to Hayate, Haru wastes no time in healing Nagisa and pulling him into a tight embrace. He's so overcome with a mix of relief that it’s now over and horror that he had to watch the smallest of his friends be literally torn open, that he doesn't even think twice before pressing his mouth to the top of Nagisa’s hair.

“I never thought I'd get a Haru-chan kiss,” Nagisa giggles, though the sound is weak from all the blood he lost. “I thought that was a privilege reserved for just Mako-chan.”

“You're important,” Haru insists fiercely, and he leaves it at that. 

Similarly with Makoto, Haru brings Nagisa to another room and deposits him on the bed. Haru doesn't know why his grandfather has so many rooms in an apartment supposedly for just one man, but it has certainly come in handy. After making sure Nagisa is comfortable with plenty of water, strawberry milk cartons and Iwatobi cream bread beside his bed, Haru heads back to the living room for the final round.

“Bet your fangs aren't as sharp as mine,” Rin says, smirking. He's already shirtless and lying on the floor, propping his elbows on the pillow and his chin in his hands.

“Is that something to be so delighted about?” Haru asks incredulously. “If mine are blunt, it’ll hurt more, you know.”

“Ah, well. Guess my competitive side and my survival side are at war today.”

Haru knows Rin’s lighthearted jibes are thinly-veiled attempts to make him feel better about what he has to do. Nausea nearly makes his head spin, but he forces himself to remain focused. He needs to help in whatever way he can to remove the bomb for Rin and give ownership of his own life back to him. Even if Haru was completely useless with Nagisa and Makoto, even if he was too weak to handle what was happening to them, the least he can do is be strong for Rin who fought so hard—harder than Haru can imagine—for his freedom.

He straddles Rin’s waist and takes a deep breath. As this ability is still somewhat erratic, it takes Haru several tries and all of his concentration before the fangs finally grow. Using both his fangs and his numbing powers is a delicate balance, but Hayate seems to have predicted that multitasking would be a challenge for Haru, as he brings out a sponge wrapped in cloth for Rin to bite.

“Most medical professionals use wood, but Red’s teeth would easily tear through any flimsy piece of wood before the operation is done,” Hayate explains.

Rin lets out a muffled hum against the sponge, probably to agree with Hayate, and Haru has to wonder if Hayate is speaking from some kind of personal experience regarding Rin and flimsy pieces of wood.

Haru bends down and sinks his fangs into Rin’s back, trying not to focus on the taste, sight or smell. Even so, he nearly gags from sheer proximity. He can feel Rin tensing underneath him. His groans of pain are loud even with the sponge in his mouth to muffle him. Haru hesitates for a moment, but Hayate snaps, “Don't stop here. The bomb’s still a little deeper.”

Reluctantly, Haru continues even as a nauseating metallic taste fills his mouth. How the hell did Rin do this twice and not puke? Hayate continues instructing him, telling him to go deeper, more to the left and be careful of the something or another over there (his brain censors it for him).

“Remember, the moment you see the bomb, you have to get off immediately,” Hayate reminds him. “We can't risk you getting too close to it. Red, how are you holding up?”

Rin shoots him a thumbs-up, though his hand is shaking from the pain. 

There are so many moments Haru just wants to give up—when there's so much blood on his fangs, all over Rin’s back and on the floor; when Rin nearly turns the sponge into stuffing because Haru almost bites something he shouldn't; when it seems like he keeps biting and tearing and causing Rin pain but the end is still nowhere in sight. But Haru can practically hear Rin yelling at him not to give up or he'd get up and kick Haru right in the ass, and any idea of Rin being anywhere near his ass is extremely unpleasant, so he continues.

The moment Haru spots a metallic black glint, he hastily scrambles off Rin’s back. Rei swoops in with the methodical efficiency of a professional bomb-remover, inserting and twisting the pin, then clipping the wires with his pliers and carefully scooping the bomb out.

“Is it out yet?” Rin removes the sponge from his mouth to complain. 

“Yes, Rin-san,” Rei says, relieved as he hands the last of the bombs to Hayate. “It’s all over now.”

“Oh, good. Haru, get over here and heal me. It won't leave a scar, right?”

Given that Haru still hasn't quite forgiven Rin for getting Rei involved and coming up with this horrible plan, he almost wishes it would leave a scar. Instead, he mutters, “No, it won't. Nobody would be able to tell what had happened to you.”

“Really? That's good,” Rin hums, sounding far too laidback for someone who had to bite a sponge to get himself through an extremely unprofessional operation. “Since nationals are in two days’ time, I wouldn't know how to explain to my teammates or coach if there was this gigantic scar like a bear had mauled me the night before the tournament.”

Haru touches Rin’s back and heals him in a matter of seconds, and Rin turns around with an expectant look. Haru stares back, unsure of what Rin wants.

“What? I don't get a tearful hug or kiss after all the agony I went through?” Rin jokes. He holds his arms out, but Haru huffs and glances aside.

“This was your idea, so no,” Haru retorts. Besides, that would be… weird. It’s not that he wasn't bothered by the pain he'd put Rin through earlier, but hugging Makoto and Nagisa feels… _natural,_ somehow, whereas his relationship with Rin is nothing like that. “Whatever,” he settles for muttering. “Glad you're okay.”

“Hmm, fair enough. Good job, Haru.” Rin pats his shoulder. “I know it was a crazy, unreasonable demand I made of you, but you went through with it even though it was clear as piss that you hated the fuck out of the whole thing. You were really strong.”

“Rin-san is correct,” Rei adds, smiling kindly at Haru. “Not many could've done what you did by taking on the others’ pain.”

Again, everyone keeps telling him some iteration of “You're so strong” but he doesn't see it. Numbing and taking away their pain is nothing incredible—it wouldn't have been necessary if they hadn't gotten involved in the first place, so in a way he was atoning for the sin of implicating them in his problem by being their friend.

If anything, they're the ones who are incredibly strong—he’s just the one lucky enough to have them in his life at all.

* * *

The fact that the bombs have been removed from his friends and Haru is now technically free doesn't fully sink in until the day after nationals. When it finally does—well, Haru never thought it was possible for him to be this… _happy_. His friends no longer have their lives dangling from GREAT’s fingers, his team placed sixth overall at nationals’ relay, and he supposes it’s pretty cool that Rin managed to place third overall in his 100-meter freestyle race (not that he'd ever actually _say_ it to Rin’s face, though).

Now with his whole life ahead of him, he isn't quite sure what to do first—well, fourth, after swimming, eating mackerel and making out with Makoto. He has so many things he wants to and has to do, and he has so much time ahead of him now that he doesn't know where to start.

Rin settles that for him. Once more, Rin, Makoto, Nagisa and Rei are gathered in Haru’s living room, this time with the addition of one grandfather. Haru is starting to think his home is now the de facto base of operations for his circle of friends, be it for emergency swim club meetings, temporarily hiding a runaway friend or war councils such as this current one.

“What's going on?” Haru asks warily. Even though this was his grandfather’s idea and the fact that they're living together again _should_ mean Hayate has had plenty of opportunities to let him in on what's happening, Hayate never explains anything to him.

Rin exchanges a look with Hayate. It’s like he is Hayate’s second-in-command, and an odd prickling feeling shoots through Haru. He has to promptly squash it down, though, because the idea that he's feeling something akin to _sibling rivalry_ with one of his closest friends over his grandfather is far too disturbing for him to contemplate.

“We’re, uh, not completely in the clear yet, unfortunately,” Rin says apologetically.

Haru’s eyes narrow. “Elaborate.”

“Okay, so like, we defused and removed the bombs the other day, right? Well, the thing is—GREAT is probably gonna find out, and then they're probably gonna come after us sooner or later.”

“I've messed around with their system so it looks like nothing’s out of the ordinary with the bombs, but they are quite technologically advanced so we can't afford to get complacent," Hayate adds. "The latest they'll come is February, which is when they're originally scheduled to whisk Haruka away, optimistically still under the impression that the bombs are still alive and working inside the three of you. Regardless, we need to come up with ways for all of you to protect yourselves and your families, who could end up being targets if GREAT were to find out.”

Haru swallows down a lump of guilt as he thinks about Ran, Ren, Nagisa’s sisters and Gou. In addition to Rin, Makoto and Nagisa, there are so many other people in danger because of him.

“Haru, you can't blame yourself,” Makoto says gently. “You didn't ask for any of this.”

“Yeah, what he said,” Rin butts in, callous and insensitive as ever. “Stuff your moping—we’ve got shit we need to do.”

Makoto sighs, exasperated. “Come on, Rin.”

“I think we’ll be okay,” Nagisa says, steering them back to the main topic. (And seriously? You know the situation is dire if _Nagisa_ of all people is bringing their attention back to what they're supposed to be doing.) “Mako-chan, Haru-chan, Rin-chan and I have powers, so I think we can take care of ourselves.”

“ _Your_ power isn't exactly useful in combat, though,” Rin points out bluntly. “In fact, out of all of us, you're the most vulnerable. If we’re in some RPG, you'd be the first to go. Shoot the medic first, and everyone else goes down.”

A heavy, oppressive silence hangs over the room. In addition to the lack of combat-usefulness of Nagisa’s power, he is physically the weakest out of all of them. Haru isn't sure how Nagisa would be able to hold his own in a fistfight, let alone against an organisation like GREAT with access to weapons and other superhumans like that Albert guy, whoever the hell he's supposed to be.

“Blondie,” Hayate says, and Haru doesn't know what to make of the look in his eyes, “have you ever wanted to learn how to shoot a gun?”

“Is that something you ought to be suggesting, Nanase-san?” Rei exclaims, alarmed. “That’d be incredibly dangerous. Of course, just like everyone else here, I would like for Nagisa-kun to be able to defend himself if need be, but I do not wish for him to hurt himself in the process.”

“Yeah, that's why I offered to teach your lover, Glasses.”

“But even so, it’s unlawful possession of a gun by a minor. Gun control laws are incredibly strict. In addition to multiple tests, mental health screenings and rigorous background checks, one’s license must be renewed every few years and—”

“Yes, please continue explaining how gun laws work to a former military personnel,” Hayate interjects dryly. “Glasses, I don't like it as much as you, but if there's something my time in the special forces taught me, it’s that sometimes you’ve got to break a few rules to do what's right—and what's right here is to ensure Blondie’s safety. Besides, you don't have to worry about the legal implications. Some extremely high-ranking officers in the military with, ah, _connections_ owe me a favour or two from back in the day. As for those who don't, I've got enough—what do you youngsters call it these days? Receipts? I've got enough receipts on them to ensure they'll not only lose their precious high-paying jobs but they'll also never find even a fast-food place that would want to hire them. Point is, Blondie won't get into any trouble.”

In essence, they're going to break several national laws and get away with it via blackmail. This is Haru’s life now. Rei’s frown is troubled, like he has arrived at the same conclusion as Haru, but he doesn't argue anymore.

“The rest of you are gonna have to learn some self-defense too,” Hayate continues, seeming unbothered by the moral greyness of their situation. Well, of course he wouldn't be; he’s probably used to it by now. “As crazy as it might sound, I don't have enough guns to be giving to every kid, so you guys are gonna have to make do with your superpowers and some self-defense techniques.”

“I picked up some fighting chops when I was in Australia,” Rin says. “I’ll teach you guys how to throw a punch, dodge, flip a person who's twice your size over and all that stuff. This includes you, Rei. While I doubt you're at risk ‘cause GREAT doesn't know about you, we can't be too cautious.”

Rei nods grimly. “Very well. I shall attend Rin-san’s self-defense classes. On top of that, I shall read up on all the theories on martial arts and self-defense there is to help us all prepare for any potential threat.”

“We’ll be in your care, Rei-chan-sensei,” Nagisa sings, planting a loud kiss on Rei’s cheek. Rei squawks and turns bright red but otherwise doesn't protest the sudden PDA.

“Your families are a concern, too,” Hayate says. 

"My sisters are all grown-up, so I think they can take care of themselves," Nagisa replies. "But just in case, I'll call them to let them know. Ugh, Natsuki-nee is never gonna shut up about this, though." He makes a face like he's just bitten into something incredibly sour. 

“I’ll protect my own,” Makoto says firmly. “I’ll convince Mom and Dad to get special permission from the school for Ran and Ren to bring their phones to school in case anything happens, and I’ll pick them up after school. We’ll get new locks and security system—I think we have enough savings for that.”

“Gou and my mother are at risk, too,” Rin says, frowning. “I stay in Samezuka’s dorm, and I'm not sure if I can get permission to move back home without spilling all of this to the school. Plus, there's also Sousuke, Ai and Momo. If anyone wants to get to me, it’d be through them, so I can't leave them alone, either.”

“They can stay here.”

Rin’s head snaps up. “What?”

Haru shrugs. “I have a guest room Gou and your mother can share. Makoto and I go to school together every day, so we’ll walk here there too.”

“You…” Rin says, his voice shaking. “You'd really do that for me, Haru?”

“Yeah, sure. Besides…” Haru averts his gaze, embarrassed. “It’s the least I can do.” _After all that you've done for me._

Rin bites his lip, and his expression is pained. The overprotective older brother and eldest son in him is probably struggling with the thought of having to trust another man to take care of the two most important women to him, but he eventually relents. “Fine.” He levels Haru with a glower that speaks of dark threats only a fiercely protective older brother can manage (Haru would know; he's seen Makoto nearly kill sleazy old men who were leering at Ran with his glare). “You'd _better_ take care of them.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I think that concludes our war council for today,” Hayate says, stretching his arms behind his back. “Let’s all just try to get through this alive and in one piece, alright?”

Rin snorts. “Thanks for the rousing pep talk, chief.”

“Alright!” Nagisa cheers, evidently finding it to indeed be a rousing pep talk. “C’mon, don't look so gloomy, guys! Everything’s gonna work out just fine!”

“It never fails to amaze me how optimistic you are at all times, regardless of the situation.” Instead of sounding exasperated or deadpan like he might have a year ago, Rei’s voice is brimming with affection and pride as he gazes at Nagisa. 

“Yeah, I never know how he does that,” Rin agrees.

Nagisa giggles. “It’s obvious, isn't it? It’s because we’re together—that’s how I know everything is gonna work out just fine. It’s the power of love and friendship, y’know?”

“Cheesy and clichéd.”

“Rin-san, I do not believe you're one to criticise Nagisa-kun for that.”

“Oh, shut up, Glasses.”

“Please do not address me as such, Rin-san!”

Amidst the mindless bickering in the background, Haru wonders—will it really work out as easily as Nagisa has made it out to sound? The Fates can be cruel, dangling over your head a false hope of freedom and snatching it away just as you're about to reach up and grab it. Haru would know—after his parents had been killed and his grandfather had chased the remaining scientists out of Japan, he thought he was finally free, only for two Australian agents from GREAT to show up at his doorstep and announce the presence of the bombs in his friends. 

The point is, Haru knows what GREAT is like—there is this bad feeling in his gut that he can't shake, and his intuition has never once led him astray. 

* * *

As always, Steve doesn't return Rin’s affections for him. When Rin returns home that evening and attempts to get into the cat’s good graces, Steve growls, saunters away, and makes himself comfortable on Gou’s lap instead.

“One day, I will get that cat to love me,” Rin grumbles, a little heartbroken but mostly annoyed by the umpteenth rejection. He loves cats, but this is a love that has been unrequited for ages.

“Maybe you should learn to take no for an answer, Onii-chan,” Gou teases as she pets Steve’s fur, who purrs contentedly in her lap. She shoots Rin a smug look. Show-off. 

“Rin!” his mother, Miyako, exclaims. “You should've told us you were coming back home—I would have prepared something for you.”

“Ah, I won't be staying for long,” Rin says apologetically, getting up from his crouching position on the floor. “I, um, actually have something I need to tell the both of you.”

They take the news that they have to temporarily stay with his friend Nanase Haruka because evil organisations might come after them far better than he's expecting. In fact, the only reaction he gets is Miyako turning to Gou and saying “We should get started on our packing, then”, and Gou nodding while she continues petting Steve.

“Eh?” Rin says. “That—that’s it?”

Miyako smiles at him. “There's no point in delaying it, is there? If there's something that needs to be done, we should do it as soon as possible.”

Gou nods sagely. “That's right.”

Rin hangs his head in shame. He knows he hasn't exactly been the best older brother or son to his only remaining family, yet they're treating him as they always do and accommodating him with no question, especially his mother. She had worked incredibly hard so he could study and train in Australia—and as the selfish brat he was, he threw it away all because he lost one stupid race to Haru. 

And Gou—she has had to make sacrifices too. Because of how expensive sending him overseas was, Miyako only had enough money to send her to an average public school, when she deserves to go to a prestigious private school like he does. Even so, Gou has never once complained or resented him. In fact, she even went through the pain of trying to get him to reconnect with his old friends whom he isolated himself from in the name of saving them.

He takes Miyako’s hands and lowers his head until his forehead is pressed against them. “I'm sorry, Mom,” he whispers. “I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm sorry for always causing you so much trouble.”

“Raise your head, Rin,” she says softly. When he reluctantly does so, she lets go of his hands to wrap her arms around him. “You're my son, and I'm your mother. It’s my job to worry about you. I'm just glad you're okay.” She strokes his hair, gentle and loving. “You've grown up so much, Rin. You're so strong now.”

Rin doesn't trust his voice to speak just yet, so he settles for nodding and hugging her back. “Thank you for everything, Mom. Oh, and Haru’s a good guy, I promise. Well, mostly. The only thing he cooks is mackerel, so you're either gonna have to survive on mackerel until this whole thing blows over or try to convince him to cook something else.”

“Oh, how wonderful. Gou has told me a fair bit about Haruka-kun’s famous mackerel. I'm excited to try it.”

Rin snorts. He doesn't like fish, so he wouldn't know anything about Haru’s infamous mackerel—the last time he had it was too long ago for him to remember, and he isn't keen on trying it again.

He turns to Gou and hesitates, cringing internally. Sure, he would rip off someone’s neck with no remorse to protect her, but outright admitting something along those lines to her is another thing entirely. But he has resolved to try and be a better brother to her to make up for how much of an asshole he was last year, so he pulls her into a hug and plants a very, very quick kiss on the top of her head to make sure she gets the message.

“Stay safe,” he mutters gruffly, looking everywhere but at her. “You'd better remember to text me every night before you sleep so I know you're okay. Don't leave the house without Haru or his grandpa accompanying you. Don't talk to strangers, even if they offer you muscle magazines. And if you feel even the slightest bit like something is not right, you _have_ to tell someone.”

“Yes, yes, I got it. More importantly…” Gou’s eyes go wide and starry as she exclaims dreamily, “I get to be up close and personal with Haruka-senpai’s triceps! It’s like front-row tickets to a band’s concert! A concert of _muscles!_ ”

Rin sends his regards to Haru, who’s going to have to put up with Gou’s weird muscle fetish day in and day out until this whole incident is over.

Considering how many shoes both women have (what _is_ it with women and shoes?), it's pretty amazing that they manage to pack their things within a mere two hours. Rin accompanies them all the way to Haru’s front door, determined to make sure they arrive there safe and sound. Haru opens the door, wearing a blue apron that says _‘Leave the cook alone’_ (a gag gift Rin bought for him when they were in Australia), silent and stoic as usual.

“Good evening, Haruka-senpai,” Gou greets.

Miyako takes one look at Haru and seems to immediately adopt him on the spot. “Oh, you are _just_ as what my kids have told me you were like. A cool attitude, brilliant blue eyes—”

“—and incredible triceps!”

Haru shoots Rin a pleading look over Miyako and Gou’s heads, to which Rin replies with a shrug that says, _I don't know, man, but they're all yours now._

“A growing young man like you shouldn't be so skinny, though,” Miyako tuts. “I know! I’ll make you dinner. You like mackerel, don't you, Haruka-kun?”

“Well, yes, but I was already—”

“I’ll make enough for you to bring the leftovers to school tomorrow, then. What else would you like in your bento?”

“Um, thanks, but I—”

Miyako cheerily sweeps past him straight to the kitchen, and Gou trails after her with an airy “We’ll be in your care, Haruka-senpai! See you around, Onii-chan!”

Rin chuckles at the flabbergasted look on Haru’s face. “You're not used to having your home so full, huh? Well, don't worry about it. My mom’s an excellent cook. She’ll probably even give your infamous grilled mackerel a run for its money.”

Rin is surprised when Haru doesn't immediately retort with a mutter of “The only one who can make grilled mackerel for me is me”. Instead, he has a distant, wistful expression that has replaced the initial shock on his face. Rin wonders if Haru is thinking of his grandmother, and he realises with an uncomfortable jolt that it has been years since Haru had a mother figure in his life prepare mackerel for him. Rin isn't sure what Haru’s mother was like when she was not experimenting on her only son (and Rin will continue pissing on her grave until the day he dies), but it has probably been a while since Haru has experienced any kind of motherly love until now.

“I can feel you pitying me,” Haru snaps, glaring at Rin. “It’s weird. Stop that.”

“Sorry.” Rin pauses to listen to the sound of his mother and his sister laughing together in the kitchen, and his heart twists in a strange bittersweet way. “Take care of my family, Haru.”

Haru acknowledges the unspoken _Or else_ with a nod. “Yeah, I will. Do what you have to do, Rin.”

Yeah, he will. He has plenty of things he has to do—teach the other guys to defend themselves in the event of a fight, take measures to keep his Samezuka friends safe, and keep on the lookout for any hint of shady activity from GREAT. He hears Gou laugh and coo over Steve in Haru’s living room, and that solidifies Rin’s resolve that whatever is going to happen, he's going to keep everyone important to him safe.

Then Haru closes the door—and a chill creeps down Rin’s spine, like there's something bad lurking and waiting to pop out of the shadows and completely blindside them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CHAPTER WARNING:** basically what happens is that rin uses his fangs to tear through makoto and nagisa's back so rei can remove the bombs (with adult supervision courtesy of hayate). in order to remove the one inside rin, haru uses _his_ his fangs to tear through rin's back and yeah it's _not_ a pretty scene. everyone turns out fine but it's a scary thing. please don't try this at home.
> 
> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed this, please feel free (heheh) to leave feedback! i genuinely want to know what people think of this fic :')
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	25. don't look back… until it’s too late (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Listen, kid, if you keep looking back on things that have already been said and done, there's no way you can move forward. And on the battlefield, looking back could mean death before you even realise what's going on. So chin up and eyes forward, got it? Remember, you're in control of the situation now, not GREAT.”
> 
> Still, uneasiness refuses to leave Haru. Just because GREAT doesn't have anything to use against him doesn't mean they can't _find_ one, and he's starting to get a very, _very_ bad feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is largely based on the eternal summer OVA aka one of the actual best things to have ever graced us. but because of the superpowers, there are gonna be a few twists! :p please enjoy this chapter!

A-540 has many identities. He is one of Sweden’s best national swimmers. He is the world record holder for the men’s 100-meter and 200-meter freestyle events.

He is also a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid owned by an organisation called GREAT. He is a tool used to assassinate high-ranking politicians and vital members of rival organisations, as well as a recon agent for all sorts of wars taking place around the world. With his powers, he can swim from various countries’ bases, plant bugs for his employers, get information for them and be back in time for a race or another mission. 

He lives in an apartment near GREAT’s base, which is paid for by the money he gets from sponsorships as Albert Volandel the Olympic swimmer. It has all the bare necessities for survival—food, electricity and water. It also has dozens of cameras, bugs and sensors all over the place so GREAT can keep track of him, in addition to the trackers inside of him. In essence, it’s a prison off the base because while GREAT would rather spend the money he gets from missions on improving his design and not on his actual living expenses, they still want to maintain the same level of control over him as they did when he was still being developed in their base.

Nothing in his life is truly his; he doesn't have a real name or anything to call his own. Everything, ultimately, belongs to GREAT—his body, his abilities, his will, his mind. His past, present and future. That's the way things have been for longer than he can remember; as far as he's concerned, his life began in the lab and will probably end there, once GREAT decides he has outlived his usefulness.

He has vaguely heard of human beings having this thing called ‘friends’, and he’s seen instances of this when sent out on missions, but that's probably one of those things he won't get to call his own just like everything else. GREAT isolates him from the rest of the national team, and the coach has no issue with it. From what A-540 knows, they have a deal: GREAT supplies them with an abnormally skilled swimmer to bring honour to the country and the team’s name as well as a flow of cash from eager sponsors, and the coach keeps quiet about his other activities.

Once or twice, A-540 has heard the scientists talk about another experiment called Nanase Haruka from Japan. If he could have opinions of his own, maybe he would find it weird that Nanase Haruka doesn't have a designation but he'd chalk it up to the Japanese branch of GREAT working differently. Sometimes they would talk about this thing called a 'Bond'. Apparently, it’s an anomaly that none of them had predicted, and they’d like to study it more if the opportunity presents itself.

And when GREAT talks about an opportunity to study something, they mean that they're going to _make_ an opportunity to study it.

A-540 doesn't get to dwell in his thoughts for long, though. Upon returning from a mission in Hong Kong, he is immediately whisked off to a briefing at the base—and to his surprise, in addition to the Swedish scientists who he has come to recognise as his owners, there are several Australian men in the room too. It’s not often that the scientists from the main headquarters come to visit; when they do, it’s the higher-ups who come, and their reasons for visiting normally doesn't concern him.

“A-540, you are one of GREAT’s best, most-prized experiments,” the Australian man begins, and A-540 doesn't respond. He’s learned that when GREAT talks to him they don't actually expect a response. “We in Australia have seen reports of your performance. Excellent, you are simply excellent. We have a mission for you.”

Surprised, A-540 glances up. He has never even met the higher-ups from the main Australian base, let alone received a mission from them. This must be something important.

“Say, have you ever been to Japan before?”

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, Haru and his new housemates settle into a routine. Miyako-san (she insists he calls her by her given name since he's close friends with both her children and that makes him an honourary Matsuoka, somehow) cooks breakfast and prepares lunch for them. She even grills mackerel for him; it only takes her three tries before she gets the hang of how he likes it. It’s not quite the same as the one Haru makes for himself—and it definitely feels weird to be taken care of after years of fending for himself. But it has been so long since anyone had made home-cooked for him under his roof that he doesn't complain. He thanks her for the food and makes sure not to waste a single morsel.

As for his grandfather… well, though there are technically four people under the same roof now, it feels like there's only three people living in this house since he spends most of his time holed up in his and Chie’s old room. Occasionally, he emerges for dinner—and when he does, he downs at least three cans of beers and sometimes even a shot of hard liquor—but most of the time, Haru packs his dinner in a bento for him to reheat and eat later when he remembers he's hungry.

Most of Haru’s daily routine is pretty much the same as before. He walks to school with Makoto, the only difference being Gou’s presence with them now. Once, she tries apologising for third-wheeling, but Makoto hastily reassures that it’s okay, that her safety is far more important. Personally, Haru misses his alone-time with Makoto—they haven't been able to spend much time together lately, because Makoto has to rush from school to Iwatobi Elementary to pick Ran and Ren up and then watch over them at home. Since Haru has to stay at home to make sure Gou, Miyako-san and Hayate are okay too, this means they only really get to see each other at school. Sometimes they sneak out for late-night rendezvous at the beach to talk (and make out), but they know they can't stay too late because it’s not safe.

On days that the swim club has practice at the SC (the weather is starting to get colder now, which means they can't use the school’s outdoor pool), Nagisa and Rei will walk Gou back to Haru’s place. Haru would do it himself, except being a third-year officially retired from club activities means an ever-growing pile of assignments to attend to. While he has gotten some university offers from scouts who saw his performance at the nationals’ relay, that doesn't exempt him from his studies. He's surprised he has even gotten any offers at all, considering his performance at the regionals’ freestyle, but he supposes some scouts changed their minds when they saw Iwatobi’s relay at nationals. He hasn't made a decision yet, though, because of all the stuff regarding GREAT that has been weighing heavily on his mind. A part of him wants GREAT to just come so he can tell them to fuck off for good and then properly decide for himself what he wants to do with his future. 

On days that Gou doesn't have club activities, the two of them sit in the living room and work through their assignments in companionable silence. Haru has never once considered what it’s like to have a sibling, having enjoyed the solidarity of living alone and independently for years. Having to adjust to sharing his home with several other people now was strange, but the house is always warm—even as the weather turns colder with the advent of autumn—and humming with a quiet sort of liveliness… and he doesn't _hate_ it, he supposes.

In fact, Haru finds that he enjoys their company. Having Miyako-san around is like living with a mother he never really had, and a part of him starts seeing Gou in a similar way to how he sees Ran (he wouldn't let her sleep on his chest, though, because Rin would blow a fuse and he would rather not deal with that). Miyako-san helps him clean the house and do the laundry, while Gou helps him with dinner when she's not drowning in homework or manager duties. Hayate still spends most of his time in his room, no doubt busy messing around with GREAT’s systems. But when he does join them for meals, he regales them with stories of his time in the special forces, and Haru learns that many things his grandfather did in his "wild youth" would probably get him arrested in the present day and age.

As he lays in bed that night, Haru ponders on the bizarre twist of ‘found family’, ‘housemates because of strange, stressful circumstances’, or whatever his current living situation is supposed to be. It’s weird how there is danger looming over everyone and they're all aware of it, yet the house is so warm and full of cheer. Miyako-san hums as she folds the clothes. Gou eagerly pores over her many muscle magazines after dinner as if every day in the Nanase household is an ordinary one. Even Hayate starts laughing and showing everyone pictures of Haru as a baby once he's had enough alcohol in his system. It’s like this house is a cocoon separated from the rest of the world, protected from GREAT, maybe even detached from reality.

Haru’s throat starts to itch with dryness, and he can't seem to fall asleep anyway, so he heads downstairs to the kitchen. He pauses on the last step, noticing that the light in the living room is switched on even though it has to be, what, one in the morning?

He pads into the room, where he finds Gou seated at the table. She's cradling a mug of tea in her hands, and a muscle magazine is spread out on the table in front of her. 

“Oh, Haruka-senpai!” she greets. “I couldn't sleep, so I made myself some tea. Hope you don't mind.”

Haru shrugs. “Do what you want.” He pours himself a glass of water in the kitchen before settling down on the cushion opposite her. “Something bothering you?”

Gou smiles, though it’s somewhat sad. “Thank you for taking care of me and my mom, Haruka-senpai. You're very kind.”

“I'm not doing anything special.”

“But that's what makes you so kind—the fact that you don't think of your own kindness as anything special; that they're something ordinary to you.”

She sure has a strange way of looking at things. Maybe it’s a Matsuoka thing. If she wants to perceive it as kindness, Haru isn't going to try and change her mind, but he didn't take her and her mother in out of any sense of charity or pity. They're in danger from GREAT because of Rin and Gou’s association with him—it was only fair that he took responsibility. And also because Rin would probably do something reckless and/or cry if something happened to them, and an upset Rin would be a pain for him to deal with.

“Haruka-senpai…” Gou’s fingers tighten around the handle of her mug. “There—there’s been something…”

He waits, but she trails off and glances aside, and he can't tell if it’s because she has lost her train of thought or if she’s changed her mind about what she initially wanted to tell him. “So there _is_ something bothering you?” he prompts.

He spots her split-second hesitation before she shakes her head. She hastily plasters on a smile and says, “Oh, it’s nothing. Don't worry about it.”

If he were someone more pushy like Rin or Makoto, he'd probably keep pressing her for an answer. But since he is who he is and he thinks Gou can decide for herself what she wants to tell him, he drops the matter without any protest.

“Still…” she continues, keeping her fingers fixed around her mug. “This is probably gonna sound really strange, but I'm not feeling any, like, sense of danger or urgency? I mean, I know everyone from Onii-chan to Makoto-senpai to you has been telling me that I'm in danger ‘cause of GREAT, ‘cause I'm Onii-chan’s younger sister. But to me—well, it’s always like this kind of thing always happens to other people. I know part of it is because of the illusion of invulnerability—where you think bad things only happen to other people and never to yourself—but in my case, it really is true. The whole thing with GREAT and the superpowers happened to you, Onii-chan, Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun. I'm technically as much of an outsider as Rei-kun; the only reason why I'm involved at all is because I'm related to Onii-chan—ah, not that I'm blaming him, of course. He's as much of a victim as all of us are.”

“So it’s hard for you to imagine yourself being in any danger because you've never _been_ in this kind of danger before?” he questions.

She nods. “It all just seems really… really _surreal._ Knowing my brother and friends have superpowers is one thing, but actually being tangled up in, like, a war with the creators of said superpowers is another thing entirely.”

Haru doesn't miss the way she didn't say “my _brother’s_ friends”, and his promise to Rin to keep her safe becomes all the more personal—because she isn't just his friend’s sister, but _his_ friend too. How can she not be?

Haru stares intently at his glass of water, which has still remained untouched even though it's entire reason why he's even here in the living room in the first place. “The best case scenario is if you don't get involved at all.”

Gou grins at him. “That you kick GREAT’s ass quietly and efficiently, and then return to your normal daily life?”

He returns her grin with a wry smile. “That is certainly Rin’s plan.”

“And yours too?”

He pauses, considers it, then nods. “Yeah, mine too.”

“You really are amazing, Haruka-senpai," she says, still smiling at him. "Life has beaten you down so many times, yet you still continue to stand up and fight. I think that's very admirable.”

Once more, Gou is praising him for something he doesn't think warrants all that much admiration. He really has weird friends.

But even so, he is going to keep her safe with all the strength that she seems to think he has—he is going to keep _all_ of them safe.

* * *

“Rin-senpai!” Momo cheers as he bounds into Rin and Sousuke’s dorm, dragging Ai along behind him. “Why did you call us to your dorm? Is it to have a party? A special, exclusive party for the members of Samezuka’s relay team?”

“If that's the case then he would've called Fujinuma too,” Sousuke points out. He climbs down the ladder to sit on the floor beside Rin, who's leaning against the bedpost.

“Just get inside here, shut up and listen,” Rin snaps. 

Obediently, Momo and Ai shut the door behind them and shuffle into the room, settling on the floor around Rin in a small semicircle.

“So?” Sousuke prompts. “What was so urgent that you had to enlist me to drag them away from their study session?”

Rin fidgets on the spot, clearly uncomfortable. He fiddles with his fingers, then with his hair before finally blurting out, “Look, there's something I probably should've told you guys earlier, so listen up because I'm not repeating myself.”

Sousuke listens quietly and attentively as Rin explains how and why he, Nanase, Tachibana and Hazuki have superpowers. Really, the part that surprises Sousuke the most is that _Tachibana and Hazuki_ have superpowers too. Rin isn't a total shock because he has been suspecting there was _something_ different about him for a while now. And as for Nanase—well, he's always given Sousuke a sort of otherworldly vibe, so the revelation that he is a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid seems only natural, really. 

Rin goes on about an illegal organisation called GREAT that made Nanase into a superhuman-mermaid and how they had planted bombs inside Rin, Tachibana and Hazuki to coerce him into obedience. If Nanase showed even the slightest hint of disobedience, they would blow Rin and the other guys up from the inside out. 

“I suppose this is the part where I slam you against a tree, demand why you didn't tell me the truth earlier, and start crying?” Sousuke asks dryly.

Rin scowls. “Don't be melodramatic, Sousuke.” Like he's one to talk. “Anyway, the bombs have already been removed so you don't have to worry about that.”

Relief floods through Sousuke, because he's not sure what he would have done if Rin’s life was still in peril like that—panic? Swear violent vengeance? Tear Sydney apart to find GREAT and kill them all one by one? 

But then another thought occurs to him. “The bomb was _inside_ you, wasn't it? Then how did you…?”

“It was a painful gruesome process, but Haru patched me up,” Rin says with a grimace.

“Ah, because of his healing abilities, correct?” Ai guesses.

Rin blinks. “Yeah. Honestly, you guys are taking the news a hell lot better than I initially thought. When I told Rei, he looked like he had his entire world flipped upside-down, and I can't say I blame him.”

“Because _superpowers,_ Rin-senpai!” Momo exclaims like that explains everything. “That's _cho_ cool, like something out of a shounen manga!”

“I believe you, Rin-senpai,” Ai says, seeming unruffled by anything. “If you say superpowers and people who can turn into mermaids exist, I believe you.”

As for Sousuke, his reasons for believing Rin aren't as simple. After pondering everything, he realises it all makes sense—the Nanase file that Rin had, the secretive way Rin worked on his beat-up pink laptop like he was either hacking a super-organisation’s database or watching weird porn, why he couldn't date Sousuke until he "sorted out" something that had to do with Nanase. Everything that Rin went through explains perfectly his frequent nightmares and seemingly random episodes of panic attacks, where he seemed like he wasn't all _there_ anymore.

Anger courses through Sousuke, but he isn't sure who he is angry at. GREAT for sure, since they're the cause for this whole mess. And maybe at Rin, too, for his own martyr-like recklessness, and—

“Whatever you do, don't get mad at Haru, okay?” Rin says quietly, jarring Sousuke out of his thoughts. “He's had to go through literal hell, ever since he was seven. The scientists were chased out of the country when he was twelve. That was five years of abuse he went through that no one, not even _Makoto,_ knew about. He didn't ask for any of this.”

Now guilt replaces some of Sousuke’s anger, because his first instinct _was_ to pin the blame on Nanase and his friendship with Rin. But there is a lot about Nanase that Sousuke doesn't know about, and Rin is right: Nanase _is_ the primary victim here. Out of everyone involved, he has suffered the most. He's been through traumas that Sousuke can't even bear to think about. And if Nanase is anything like a typical protagonist in a shounen anime, he probably does blame himself for the danger his friends are in. Maybe Sousuke will be a little nicer to him the next time they cross paths. Maybe.

“You guys can't tell anyone, okay?” Rin says. “We’re gonna find a way to deal with GREAT, but—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sousuke interjects, holding a hand up to stop Rin. “You're saying you're gonna deal with that batshit crazy organisation on your own?”

“Yeah, with Haru and the others.”

Ai stares at Rin in horror. “Rin-senpai, with all due respect, that sounds extremely dangerous.”

“Oh, trust me—” A dark, haunted look passes over Rin’s face. “I know the dangers of this. All of us do—we were all there at the lab. But we can't get anyone else involved. If, say, the public were to find out, that could mean bad things for all of us, especially Haru. Because of our powers, we might be taken away by the military to be used as weapons, or people will condemn us as monsters. I have my dream, Makoto has one, and I'm sure the others have futures they’re aspiring to reach—we can't let GREAT or anyone else interfere with that.”

“Is there anything we—the three of us here—can do?” Sousuke asks. He doesn't like the way Rin keeps saying “we” to refer to himself and his old teammates, like he's excluding Sousuke, Ai and Momo even after letting them know the truth.

“ _No,_ ” Rin growls, but his tone softens when Ai and Momo flinch. “Sorry. It’s just—you guys have never been in that kind of danger, and you shouldn't ever have to. Haru, Makoto, Nagisa, the old man and I can handle ourselves. We’re prepared for the storm that's about to come. The important thing is that you guys remain safe. Please, please—” His voice cracks with a rare display of vulnerability and fear. “—be careful, okay? If you're going to leave campus, let me know first. Don't stay out too late at night. When it’s time for curfew, you'd better be in your dorms with the doors locked and windows closed. Look, I'm sorry—I really am—about having to be this controlling, but GREAT…” Another haunted look takes over his expression, reminding Sousuke that he has gone through far more shit than he has let on. “They're a real threat. They had no qualms about putting bombs inside _children_ to threaten another child into bending to their will. You guys are innocent bystanders—I just want you guys to be safe, okay?”

“Aww,” Momo says, grinning. “Rin-senpai, you're starting to sound like a mother hen!”

Rin glares at him and pulls him into a tight headlock. “I’ll be a mother hen if it means you three idiots will stay alive, so take this seriously, dumbass!”

“Ow, ow, I can't breathe, Rin-senpai!”

Sousuke frowns as he mulls everything over. While he doesn't like being treated like a helpless damsel, he has to admit that if their positions were reversed he’d probably be saying the same things. He hates this; he hates this feeling of uselessness. It keeps happening over and over again with Rin—first with Rin’s disastrous freestyle race at last year’s regional tournament where all Sousuke could do was stand by the sidelines and watch in horror as he suffered, and now this. He's always stuck on the outside, only able to watch but never to help or do something, _anything._

But he will trust Rin on this. He _will._ If Rin is prepared to do something, there is no force in the world that can stop him from getting what he wants. He has walked through hell multiple times and emerged alive each time, after all. 

Everything is going to be okay, just like Rin said it would. All Sousuke has to do is trust in that, because there is nothing else he _can_ do.

* * *

Haru finds Hayate sitting on a wooden chair outside their home (it still feels kinda weird to say it’s _their_ home and not just _his_ home anymore), smoking a cigarette.

“I quit when I asked your grandma out,” Hayate says, answering Haru’s unasked question. “She said that if I could quit smoking, it would prove that I was a man of strength, character and resilience, which were all qualities she wanted in a partner.” He smiles wryly. “She always knew what she wanted. And I wanted her more than I wanted to smoke, so I quit. I was clean for the most part, with several relapses here and there, until two years ago when she died. Out of honour for her memory, I try to stay away from cigs, but sometimes when I'm really stressed… well, old habits die hard even after over fifty years of hard work.”

Haru doesn't know what to say. He didn't even know Hayate smoked—it goes to show how little he knows about his only living family left.

“Speaking of your grandma, did Red ever tell you what she did right before she died?” Hayate suddenly asks.

Haru frowns and shakes his head. It’s odd, as though Rin knows Haru’s grandparents better than Haru himself does.

“Figures. He probably didn't see it or had no idea what was going on. I don't blame him—the first time you see someone get shot right in the chest in front of your eyes… that shit’s scarring.” Hayate pauses, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. “There were so many things she could've said or done as her final actions. She could've told me to run away or take care of you or whatever. Instead, she grabbed my face and—at that time, I had no idea what it was, but now I think I know what it was.

"Haruka, she formed a Bond with me.”

“A—a Bond?” Haru stammers, hardly daring to believe his ears.

“A weak and incomplete version of the one you and your friends have, but a Bond nonetheless. Through it, she sorta transferred her powers to me. Her primary one was telekinesis—which was how she got you kids out of the rubble when you blew up the lab—and on top of that, she could get vague ‘vibes’ of people’s thoughts and feelings, along with brief visions of the future. But because the Bond was incomplete since she was weak and dying, she told me the powers are limited—I’d only get one use before it ‘expires’, so to speak. She told me to save them, that I will know when to use them when the moment comes. So far, I have yet to use them.”

“So, what, the ability to form the Bond was something I had inherited from her?” Haru asks skeptically. “It wasn't manufactured in the lab?”

Hayate shrugs. “Seems reasonable enough to assume that. Sorry I can't give you a more concrete answer.”

Haru stares down at his feet. Everything is making his head spin. His grandmother was like him, a human experiment for superpowers, and she had the ability to form Bonds too. He knew her for about fifteen years, yet it’s like he never actually knew her.

_Can't give me a concrete answer? Doesn't matter—it's not like anyone ever tells me anything, anyway._

He doesn't realise he said it out loud until he notices Hayate's flinch like Haru had struck him with a hot iron. Guilt mixes with a twisted sense of satisfaction, which only serves to make him feel even guiltier. What's he doing, being an ass to one of the few allies he has? As Rin would say, they need to be united in times like these, instead of taking cheap petty shots.

“Sorry about the distance, kid," Hayate murmurs. “Your grandma was always getting on my case about coming back to Japan to see you more when she was still around. I should've written more to you, but all I did was send you money every month. Was it enough to tide you over, at least?” He narrows his eyes in suspicion. “You didn't incur any debts or, worse, get into any shady business for money, did you?”

“I didn't,” Haru snaps, more defensively than he intended. “I'm very careful with money.”

When Hayate had returned for Chie’s funeral, he made some complicated financial arrangements such that all household bills would be automatically deducted from his bank account. Up to today, Haru has no idea how it works, but he sure as hell has never once complained. The only things he frugally spends his allowance on are food (mostly rice and mackerel) and clothes (mostly swim jammers when one pair doesn't feel right anymore).

Hayate sighs, blowing out a puff of smoke. When he sees Haru’s wince as he accidentally inhales it, he mutters an apology and snuffs his cigarette. “I worry about you, kid. Even when you were younger and cuter, you never said anything when you were uncomfortable or suffering. You probably wouldn't make a sound if someone set you on fire. You got a combination of the worst traits from your grandmother and me—she never liked to talk about herself at all, let alone when she was in pain. And I'm not stellar at communication in general, as you might have guessed.”

Okay, Haru did _not_ come out here to be roasted by his grandfather. He scowls, contemplating turning around and walking back in to escape the cold.

“How are you holding up, Haruka?” Hayate asks.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, with all the doom and gloom and threats of death lingering over our heads.”

Haru shrugs. “I've lived with it practically my entire life.”

Even so, it’s different now, because this time his friends—all of them and not just Makoto, Nagisa and Rin—are involved. The rules were clearer before; as long as he obeyed GREAT, they would be safe. But with the bombs removed and GREAT still at large, things are a lot less clear now. GREAT could come in February as they were scheduled to, or they could descend upon Iwatobi next week, no doubt promising punishment after finding out how their most prized subject had defied them.

“But it’s different,” Hayate says, as if reading Haru’s mind. “Arguably, there's even more to lose now, ‘cause this time it’s not just you, Makoto, Rin and Nagisa that are being threatened.”

“Gou is in danger too, because we removed the bombs,” Haru states plainly, since there's no point in dancing around the obvious issue. If GREAT wants bait for blackmail, Gou would be the perfect target since she's close to all of them. This is like one of those clichéd movies where the token girl becomes the villain's target to threaten or coerce the hero into doing something he'd rather not do. Haru doesn't like the thought of how similar his life has become to a clichéd action movie. 

“That's why Red has taken extra measures to protect her. He calls me every night to make sure she and Miyako are safe and sound in their room. Really makes you wonder why he doesn't just _ask_ them himself.”

Guilt wells up in Haru as he thinks about how worried sick Rin must be all the way in Samezuka, with the only thing he can do is to pray for his family’s safety. “Should we not have removed the bombs, then? I mean, if it’s just gonna put more people in danger…”

Hayate sighs. “And this, kid, is what being stuck between a rock and a hard place means. But even then, it’s better now, isn't it?”

Haru frowns. He doesn't see how putting Gou in danger, in addition to everyone who has already been involved from the very start, is any better than the original situation.

Hayate points his snuffed-out cigarette at Haru. “Without the bombs inside your friends, you stand a better fighting chance against GREAT, don't you? Last time, if you tried to make any move against them, they could just press a button and blow your friends up before your very eyes. Now, they don't have anything to use against you, so you can fight freely against them. Are there more innocent people at risk? Yes. But do you stand a better chance of protecting them than you would have if we hadn't removed the bombs? Yes. Listen, kid, if you keep looking back on things that have already been said and done, there's no way you can move forward. And on the battlefield, looking back could mean death before you even realise what's going on. So chin up and eyes forward, got it? Remember, you're in control of the situation now, not GREAT.”

Still, uneasiness refuses to leave Haru. Just because GREAT doesn't have anything to use against him doesn't mean they can't _find_ one, and he's starting to get a very, _very_ bad feeling.

* * *

At Rin’s insistent non-invitation (“Don't you dare come or I’ll skin you fuckers alive, chop off your balls and feed them to the sharks” were his exact words), Haru, Makoto, Nagisa and Rei show up at Samezuka. Haru _was_ planning on spending his evening after school in the tub, but Gou wanted to attend Samezuka’s cultural festival—and since he didn't want to break his promise with Rin, he and the rest of the team agreed to accompany her.

It doesn't take long before Chigusa, her best friend, shows up. Makoto—being the more responsible one between him and Haru—makes Gou promise to stay on the campus, keep her phone alive and not leave without them. She agrees without a second thought and disappears off arm-in-arm with Chigusa to a muscle contest taking place, leaving so fast Haru can practically see dust floating in the girls’ wake. Considering that she and Haru see each other every day at home, he doesn't blame her for wanting some space away from him (or just guys in general, since she does spend most of her after-school time in a mostly-male club).

They bump (literally) into Nitori, who for some reason is dressed in a classic maid outfit. Since they are here to see Rin, he brings them to the main school building and leads them upstairs to the swim club’s booth, which turns out to be a “Maid Café from Hell”. Seeing as Samezuka is an all-boys school, the swimmers have to cross-dress as maids. Or, more specifically, the freshmen and sophomores are the ones in frilly dresses while the seniors get to dress as butlers. As a third-year, Rin is dressed up in the full ensemble of a three-piece suit, which includes a rather fancy long black coat and starched white gloves. He even has his hair tied back in a short ponytail, something that doesn't go unnoticed by the girls visiting from other schools, who giggle and shoot him furtive glances. 

Nagisa seems rather disappointed that Rin is a butler but is quickly mollified when he spots Momotarou dressed as a maid. Excitedly, he flips Momotarou’s skirt up to reveal his speedos underneath, and Haru decides on the spot that he very much approves of Momotarou’s fashion sense.

Rei eyes Nitori the second-year, who can honestly pass for a girl in his outfit, and then glances at Rin the third-year. “Wait a second," he says slowly. "If the first and second-years have to cross-dress as maids, then that means last year…”

Haru tries to conjure up an image of Rin in a maid outfit like the ones Nitori and Momotarou are wearing, and he doesn't know whether to grimace or laugh. He could've gone his whole life without _that_ mental image, that's for sure.

As if reading their minds, Rin glares daggers at them. “Just take your menus and go to your goddamn seats already!”

Nitori, showing more flair at customer service than his captain, shows them to their table. Since Rin is going to take his break and show them around the festival soon, each of them orders just a drink each (though Rei has to snatch the menu out of Nagisa’s hands before he orders enough desserts to make the table quake under the collective weight). 

Halfway through their drinks, Rin emerges from the backroom with Yamazaki in tow, both of them in their all-white school uniforms. Haru instinctively stiffens, having not quite forgotten that none of his encounters with Yamazaki have ever been on a cordial note. However, unusually for him, Yamazaki doesn't pierce him with a death glare—he kind of just looks around at everywhere but him. Haru supposes he can live with that.

Now a group of six, they head out of the classroom to wander around the festival. The hallway is rather narrow, which means they have to walk in pairs. Haru can't help but feel somewhat betrayed when Makoto joins Rin’s side at the front to make small talk about the maid café or whatever because that leaves him with _Yamazaki._ He glares at the wall on his left side, away from Yamazaki, and he gets a feeling that Yamazaki is doing the same.

Nagisa and Rei bring up the rear behind them. Since Rin has reassured them that Samezuka has a pretty large gay population that is out and open, they hold hands as they stroll down the hallway, checking out booths and talking among themselves. Haru glares at the back of Makoto’s head and tries to send some vague signal of, _That could be us if you didn't ditch me for stupid Rin._

Haru has maybe a split second to register the strange, _scheming_ feeling coming from the yellow Bond before Nagisa bounds towards a nearby booth that has several charcoal black buns on display.

“Ah, that's Samezuka’s specialty treat—the Shark Fin? Bun,” Rin says in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Why is there a question mark…?” Makoto mutters, perplexed.

Nagisa buys one, tears it in two and pushes one half into Yamazaki’s face like a rather aggressive offering. “Want some, Sou-chan?”

Yamazaki eyes it with no small hint of skepticism, as if wondering if Nagisa laced it with poison. “I don't,” he says flatly.

Nagisa’s expression falls like he's a puppy that just got denied a pat on the head. The hand holding out the Shark Fin? Bun falters and falls back to his side.

Yamazaki takes one look at him, then glances aside and mutters under his breath, “Just one isn't enough.”

Nagisa’s entire expression lights up, and he spins around to order ten more Shark Fin? Buns “Just for Sou-chan!” with Yamazaki’s protests falling on deaf ears.

“Yamazaki-kun, looks like even you can't resist Nagisa’s charms,” Makoto laughs.

“Knock off the ‘kun’. In fact, don't stand on ceremony—just call me Sousuke,” Yamazaki says, rubbing the back of his neck as he helplessly accepts the heaping pile of buns from Nagisa.

Makoto smiles at him. “Then you should call me Makoto too.”

Since when did these guys start getting chummy with Yamazaki? Next thing Haru knows, Rei will be fiercely debating theories with him too. Well, it’s none of Haru’s business.

As though reading Haru’s mind, Rin chimes in, “Speaking of which, we never actually introduced Sousuke and Rei, right? I mean, you two raced each other in the butterfly leg of the relays, but I don't think you got the chance to chat, like, casually.”

“We have not been formally introduced, but I have heard about him from everyone,” Rei replies. “Yamazaki-san competed against Haruka-senpai in middle school, am I correct?”

Flashes of Yamazaki yelling at him for “not taking the competition and Rin’s feelings seriously” flit through Haru’s mind. Probably seeing them too, Rin and Nagisa shoot them concerned looks. Makoto, who was there when Yamazaki confronted Haru, just looks down at his shoes. There's no reason to go into it now, so Haru just mutters “Yeah, once” while Yamazaki says “Guess we did”.

An awkward silence hangs over the group like a fog. Haru continues glaring at the wall opposite of Yamazaki, old resentment rising up to the surface. Stupid Yamazaki was always forcing all sorts of bizarre preconceived notions of him that wasn't who he actually was, saying shit like he had to swim seriously because if he didn't, Rin wouldn't either. He understands it a little better now after Rin himself told him that “It’s difficult without you, Haru”. But still, he doesn't appreciate people who project their impressions of him onto him. 

“Hey, uh,” Makoto begins in an attempt to lighten the situation. “You—you two kind of have the same aura, don't you think? Like, you're both so silent!”

Haru has no idea what Makoto is going on about this time. He is in no shape or form whatsoever _similar_ to Yamazaki. They have wildly opposing approaches to swimming, and Yamazaki is way more intense than Haru. Haru is not intense at all, not in the slightest bit. And he certainly doesn't have a strange obsession with Rin. 

Yamazaki scowls too, like he's thinking along the same lines as Haru.

“Yep, the exact same,” Rin deadpans.

“Rin, not helping!”

Nagisa has been unusually quiet throughout the entire thing, which is odd because he should've been the first person to break the awkward silence with a quip or new harebrained scheme—and that really should've been Haru’s warning that _something_ was about to happen.

“Hey, hey!” Nagisa points at a booth at the other end of the hallway. “Let’s do that!”

Refusing to hear what the others have to say, Nagisa grabs Rei and Haru by the wrist and drags them to the booth. It turns out that Nagisa’s newest idea is to play a survival game, with water guns as the weapon of choice. Since they need at least eight people to participate, Rin summons Nitori and Momotarou to join them.

“Samezuka versus Iwatobi… the ultimate confrontation between fated rivals, huh?” Nitori says in a reverent whisper. 

A gleam that Haru doesn't like sparkles in Nagisa’s eyes. “Actually, wouldn't it be more fun to mix things up a little? Right, Rei-chan?”

Haru also doesn't like the wink Nagisa sends Rei’s way or the specific way he addresses _Rei_ out of all of them, like he's not giving the rest a chance to back out of this.

Rei’s eyes widen before he seems to get Nagisa’s unspoken message. “That is true! It would be a good opportunity to forge new bonds of friendship and sportsmanship between our two teams.”

“Ooh, how about this?” Momotarou says. “The four of you childhood friends—" He points at Haru, Rin, Makoto and Nagisa. "—should team up against me, Ai-senpai, Sousuke-senpai and Rei-cchi!”

“ _R—Rei-cchi?!_ ” Rei splutters, bright red.

“While that is a nice suggestion, the Bond might give the four of us an unfair advantage,” Makoto points out apologetically.

“Whoa, you can do that?!” Momotarou demands, going starry-eyed. “That's super cool!”

“You make a good point, Makoto,” Rin cuts in, pointedly ignoring Momotarou. “If we’re all on the same team, our teamwork would have an unfair advantage because we can sense each other’s locations and strategise based on that.”

“Then you should split up,” Rei says. “If two members of the Bond are on one team and the other two on the other, that cancels out any unfair advantage either team would have.”

“Nagisa,” Haru says immediately before anyone else gets a word in. “You and I—Team Blue.”

“Seriously? Not Makoto?” Rin asks, raising his eyebrows.

Haru glares at Makoto, and Makoto smiles sheepishly as he explains, “Ah, Haru _might_ hold a grudge against me because I'm better at shooting games than he is.”

“No, you cheat,” Haru snaps. With kisses all over his face and neck, which unfortunately is an excellent diversion tactic.

Nagisa’s eyes light up. “So Haru-chan wants revenge against Mako-chan!”

“… Not really.”

Makoto chuckles, but a competitive gleam enters his eyes. “Either way, I’ll be winning today, Haru.”

“How? By distracting me with—”

“Save your couple fight for another time,” Rin interrupts, rolling his eyes. “Looks like you and I are Team Red, then, Makoto.”

The remaining four draw lots. The line-up is as follows: Haru, Nagisa, Momotarou and Yamazaki on Team Blue; Rin, Makoto, Nitori and Rei on Team Red. 

Haru glances at Yamazaki’s blue lot at the same time as Yamazaki eyes Haru's before they sharply turn their heads away from each other.

Rin explains the rules to them, which basically amounts to: stay on the campus, clothes getting wet when you're shot means you're out of the game, and the team with the most players left after one hour wins. There is an unspoken agreement between Haru, Makoto, Rin and Nagisa not to use their superpowers. 

“And that's it,” Rin says, brandishing his gun and grinning. “May the best team win!”

* * *

“So what's our strategy, Haru-chan?”

For some reason, Samezuka has warehouse-like buildings on the outskirts of the campus. Team Blue is huddled together behind these buildings for a war meeting.

Haru isn't sure why Nagisa has appointed him captain, but he answers, “Everyone should fight freely.”

“Oi, there's no way we’ll win with such a vague, wishy-washy strategy,” Yamazaki snaps. “Use your head.”

Haru narrows his eyes. “Then _you_ come up with a plan, since you're clearly so smart.”

“If you actually follow it, sure.”

Nagisa crouches down between them. “Now, now, you two,” he cajoles sweetly. “We’re a team! We need to cooperate for this!”

Yeah right, like Haru needs this guy to win. He turns his head and huffs.

“Can't we just attack them randomly like Nanase-san suggested?” Momotarou chimes in with a bored drawl. “There's only four of them. If we just keep shooting, we’re sure to get at least one of them. Anyway, let’s move soon or—”

The red and green Bonds light up, but Yamazaki beats Haru to the warning.

“Down!”

Immediately, Haru hits the ground and Yamazaki shoves Nagisa’s head down. Shots of water arc over their heads. If it weren't for the Bond and Yamazaki’s reflexes, they might have been taken out there and then. 

In front of them, Team Red spreads out like an admittedly impressive military flank, holding their guns and smirking smugly at Haru’s team.

“I knew I'd find you here, Sousuke,” Rin cackles like a corny villain. “I can read you like an open book.”

(Yeah right, like he didn't use the Bond to track Haru and Nagisa down.) 

Haru hardly has time to even get back up on his feet before Makoto, Rei and Rin open fire on them. Jets of water soar over his head, and he takes the opportunity to swing around a tree, narrowly avoiding a shot near the chest from Rin. He waits for several more blasts to fly past him before lashing out with several shots of his own, though he misses by mere inches. He flattens himself against a tree just in time to evade another frighteningly well-aimed shot from Rin. A chill runs down his spine when he remembers that Rin has experience with an actual gun on both ends of the weapon, and that he has used it to decapitate trained guards in Australia.

Haru glances at Yamazaki, who's hunched down behind a bush next to Haru’s tree, and a sort of unspoken agreement passes between them— _Wait for an opening. Do your best to survive until then._

And their opening comes in the form of Nitori flailing his gun around with his eyes tightly shut.

“Hit! Hit! Go down! Die!” he wails as he repeatedly jams his finger on the trigger. Fortunately for Haru’s team, his gun is pointed straight at Rin and Rei. The two perform a complicated dance of grabbing each other, rolling over onto each other’s backs and contorting themselves into impossible shapes to dodge Nitori’s haphazard shots while screaming at him to stop. 

“Now, Nanase!”

Haru and Yamazaki leap out from behind their hiding spot and bolt away before their enemies realise what's going on. Haru hates to leave Nagisa and Momotarou to fend for themselves, but it’s probably for the best they split up; if they congregate in the same spot like that, they would just be creating more targets in one place for the enemy to shoot down.

As if having the same idea, Yamazaki says, “Nanase, let’s split. It’s no good if we stick together like this.”

“Watch out if you bump into Rin,” Haru warns. “He's used a real gun and dodged actual bullets from trained guards before. This is probably child’s play to him.”

Yamazaki chokes. “He did _what_ —” 

“No time to explain! Go already before they catch us!”

“R—right!”

Yamazaki takes a sharp left turn while Haru continues on straight ahead. 

So far, the red and green Bonds have dimmed a fair bit, but Haru can't let his guard down yet. He passes by several overturned buckets, a hose and a water tap alongside a veranda. This looks like a safe vantage point as any. Plus, if he runs out of ammo, there's instant refill right next to him, so he crouches down beside the tap and waits. 

It’s quiet here, with not another person in sight. This must be one of the more remote locations on the campus, and Haru can see how the largely gay population in Samezuka would find a place like this very handy. The only sound he hears is the rustling of leaves as the cool autumn wind rushes past.

And footsteps.

Loud, unsubtle footsteps.

As discreetly as he can, Haru pulls the notch of his gun to load it. A shadow comes into view, then a shoe and a head—

“Wait, wait, it’s just me! We’re on the same team! Don't shoot me!”

Haru lowers his gun, relaxing. “What are you doing here, Momotarou?”

Momotarou rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “I ran out of ammo, so I was looking for a refill. Hey, there's water here! Can you watch my back while I reload, Harucchi-senpai?”

Haru has no idea when he went from Nanase-san to Harucchi-senpai in Momotarou’s vocabulary, but he's not a nitpicker. He nods and stands up to guard Momotarou while he reloads his gun.

“Yo, is it true you can turn into a mermaid, Harucchi-senpai?” Momotarou demands. “Is it really true?”

Haru scowls. “Is that what Rin told you?”

Momotarou nods vigorously, reminding Haru of Nagisa when he gets excited over Iwatobi-chan or cults or Iwatobi-chan cults. “Yeah, that sounds _cho_ cool!”

“Not really. It hurts.”

“To transform into a mermaid?”

“To use my powers at all.”

“Oh.” Momotarou sounds significantly more sobered up now. “So that's why you're not using them? I mean, the mermaid tail would be useless here, but having superstrength means you could wield, like, many guns at once, right?”

Haru sighs, trying to decide how much he should go into detail about his powers to someone he barely knows. “I can't use them right now, anyway. They're activated either by water or really strong emotions. I can't get wet now because that means losing, so there's no way I can use my powers to cheat even if I wanted to.”

“And it’d take a lot more than a survival game to get your emotions fired-up enough for you to use your powers, right?”

Forgetting that he's supposed to be watching out for their enemies, Haru whips around to peer suspiciously at Momotarou. The boy acts like such a Gou-smitten goofball, so to hear him sound that serious is giving Haru some major whiplash.

“Ah, that's what I heard from Rin-senpai,” Momotarou clarifies, reverting back to his usual cheery self. “You're so strong and cool, Harucchi-senpai.”

“Not really,” Haru mutters. Seriously, why does everyone keep saying that?

Momotarou opens his mouth, but Haru holds up a hand to stop him—a red glow lights up in his mind, and that red force starts tugging at his gut.

“Rin’s nearby,” Haru says. He can take care of himself, but Rin can probably take Momotarou out with his skills and Haru can't risk that. “I’ll deal with him, so you get away.”

Momotarou salutes to him with a cry of “Roger!” before scampering away.

Haru circles around to the other side, which houses several club rooms and vending machines. He takes a hiding spot behind a pillar and peers carefully around it, spotting—for some reason and to his immense annoyance—a soaked Kisumi with an arm around Rin’s shoulders in the distance. Those two are happily chatting away, so Haru seizes his chance. He whirls around, aims and fires without a second thought.

“Shit, Haru!”

“Sorry, my aim was off,” Haru states, not feeling particularly apologetic.

“You definitely did it on purpose, Haru!” Kisumi, who was already wet before and is now positively drenched, yells. “Seriously! First that Sousuke used me as a shield from Makoto, and now you, Rin?! What's up with you guys? Is this a swimming thing? Are you guys having an early graduation bash together?”

Rin laughs. “Thanks for your help. Catch you later, Kisumi!”

Haru hurriedly slinks away before Rin can catch up to him. He's running out of water, though using it on Kisumi—well, after all the grief Kisumi had put him through in middle school, it was definitely worth it.

* * *

Haru manages to lose Rin after circling back to the swim club’s maid café and performing some complicated parkour to get back to the ground level without having to take the stairs, since he knows that's where Rin was waiting to take him out. He doesn't sense a Bond presence near the school’s entrance, so that is where he heads to.

The first thing he finds is Momotarou and Nitori with the back of their shirts dark with water stains. They're lying prone on the ground between several festival booths.

The second thing he finds is a drenched Gou standing in front of them, looking lost and bewildered. A jacket that looks twice her size is draped over her shoulders.

“Gou, what happened?” Haru asks.

“I—I’m not sure?” Gou stammers. “Momotarou-kun approached me, and Nitori-kun—who was hiding behind a wooden stand—accidentally shot me with water before shooting Momotarou-kun. Sousuke-kun appeared, shot Nitori-kun, and gave me his jacket. He disappeared before I could ask him what was going on, though.”

“We’re playing a survival game. Why are you alone? Where's your friend?”

“Hana-chan went to the washroom. It was really crowded, so I'm waiting for her here.”

Haru decides to hang around here until Chigusa returns. He bends down in front of Momotarou, who is still sporting a silly grin on his face even after being eliminated from the game. Knowing him, he's probably just happy and horny from seeing a water-soaked Gou.

“I’ll be taking your gun,” Haru tells him before proceeding to do just that. Momotarou doesn't protest. 

Gou arches a judgemental eyebrow. “Is that even allowed?”

“No one said it wasn't.”

“Yeah, fair enough.”

* * *

After an intense Mexican standoff with Makoto which was resolved by Nagisa suddenly popping out of the bushes to take Makoto out, Nagisa and Haru try to make a break for it—only for Nagisa to stumble over a tripwire strung up between two trees and activate six guns at once. He bawls to high heavens about how unfair it was that after he took down not one but _two_ guys on the opposing team that he'd be defeated by “One of Rei-chan’s dirty traps!”, though Haru doesn't see how tricking Rei into stalking Samezuka-chan into an isolated corridor only to shoot him right in the back is any more fair.

In any case, it’s just him and Yamazaki left on Team Blue, and Rin on Team Red. He needs to regroup with Yamazaki to try and corner Rin. Between the two of them, surely even Rin’s shooting experience would have to bow aside in the face of sheer numbers.

He leaves the others to help get Nagisa out of the trap, racing down the path to where the red Bond is leading him. Wherever Rin is, Yamazaki will probably be there too since they're the only ones absent from the scene where Haru and Makoto had their showdown.

And he's right. Yamazaki is hidden behind a bush and Rin behind a wall, and they're taking turns to duck and shoot each other. Haru spots Yamazaki pressing his trigger frantically, but nothing comes out. Rin seems to realise this. Smugness radiates off the red Bond as he takes several bold steps towards Yamazaki’s bush, waving his gun in the air.

“Looks like you're done for, Sousuke,” he sings, dragging out the last syllable of Yamazaki’s name.

Not on Haru’s watch. His foot sends one of his guns hurtling towards Yamazaki, who immediately snatches it, leaps to his feet and fires at Rin. Rin curses loudly, dancing just barely out of the way and whirling around to duck behind his pillar.

Haru races onto the battlefield to join the last of his comrades against their final opponent. He has personally seen Rin sneak around massive, evil organisations’ lairs and emerge not only unharmed but with what he had intended to get from them. Plus, Rin has the advantage of this campus being his territory, so Haru can't afford to let his guard down for even a single second.

Yamazaki seems to be thinking along the same lines as him again; he spins around to press his back against Haru’s, watching out for where Haru’s eyes can't see.

“You saved me,” Yamazaki says. “I owe you one.”

“Save the thanks for later,” Haru replies, readying his gun. “Don't let your guard down. Rin’s good.” 

A snort. “No need to tell me _that._ ”

A bush rustles behind them. They exchange looks, wary. It could be Rin hiding and preparing to fire, but it could also be a trap to take them by surprise—one can never be too careful with him. A silent concord passes between them. 

Slowly, carefully, they creep over to the suspicious bush with their guns pointed and loaded in front of them. Haru counts quietly under his breath before they charge forward in unison—

—only to be met with a small white-and-brown cat.

Haru blinks. Of all things, a cat was _not_ what he was expecting. Makoto would think this cat is cute, though, if he could see it.

And Haru only realises his mistake when Yamazaki shouts “NANASE, WATCH OUT” and shoves him onto the grass. A loud splattering sound of a shot meeting its target echoes through the clearing, drowning out the birds chirping or the cat meowing. With a groan, Haru rolls over, props himself up on an elbow and spots Yamazaki standing before him, drenched from chest to waist.

“Yamazaki,” he murmurs, stunned. _He took the shot for me?_

“Tch, how troublesome,” Yamazaki grumbles, though his breaths are short, rapid and weak. “Well—” He manages a weak smile. “—here’s your thanks for saving me earlier.”

Then he flops face-down on the grass, moving no more.

Rin saunters forward, twirling his gun in the air. “So the final battle is between you and me, Haru. I would not have expected anything less of my long-time rival.”

Haru stands up. He won't let Yamazaki’s sacrifice be in vain. “Indeed. Prepare yourself, Rin.”

“Don't say that if you yourself aren't ready, old friend.” Rin’s smug smirk morphs into an expression of pure, chilling focus. He's ready to spill blood, but Haru won't let it be his. “Who will be the first to shoot? Remember, each of us only gets one shot to make it count. Miss, and you're done for.”

The autumn wind dramatically blows their hair in the air, and Haru swears he can hear someone—probably Nagisa—playing battle music in the background. Just like Rin said, this is the final battle, the one to decide the fate of the whole universe (or at least, of the eight teenaged boys gathered in the backyard of a high school).

As if connected by an invisible string of fate, they raise their guns at the same time and fire just a split second apart from each other. With such a close shave, it is impossible to judge who pulled the trigger first.

Time slows to a crawl. Haru watches his shot tear through the air towards Rin, who swerves out of the way. The water splatters lamely on the patch of grass behind its target.

As for Haru… well, there’s been an itch he hasn't been able to scratch for the past hour due to the very nature of this game. He's been holding it back for the sake of his team, but he can't resist any longer.

The water shot from Rin’s gun streaks through the air towards him…

… and he tosses his gun aside, closes his eyes and lets it splash over his face.

Oh man, oh good _heavens,_ that feels so good, like the first dip into a pool after a long winter without any contact.

Irritation floods through Rin’s Bond, and he flings his gun at Haru. “Don't look like you're nutting over losing, idiot!”

Makoto, Nitori and Rei eye each other in delight. “We won!”

“Seriously, Nanase?” Yamazaki snaps, pushing himself up from the ground with a groan. “After I sacrificed myself to save your aquaphilic ass?”

Rin sighs. “For some reason, this doesn't feel like a victory at all.”

* * *

After the survival game, they head back to the main school building to return their water guns. Both Rin and Nagisa have grown extremely attached to their water guns, they make some kind of bet with the guys manning the booth to let them keep their guns. Long story short, after a best-of-three arm-wrestling competition, dirty tricks courtesy of Nagisa, ‘your mama’ jokes and several drenched and decidedly displeased kittens, they win their bet. All throughout the gruelling battle, Makoto hides his face in his hands and pretends he doesn't know them, while Haru watches with a vague detached interest.

After bragging about his victory, Rin remembers there are going to be a bonfire and fireworks soon as it’s getting dark, so he leads them back downstairs to the courtyard. 

Once more, they're in pairs: Rin and Makoto are chatting up at the front, captain to captain. Nagisa and Momotarou are making sincere vows to hang out more in the future—having found that they made an excellent tag team during the game—while their handlers, Rei and Nitori respectively, look equal parts amused, exasperated and resigned. Yamazaki and Haru hang at the back, but in a much more companionable silence than they did earlier this afternoon when they were passive-aggressively trying to will the other into non-existence.

“Nanase,” Yamazaki says out of the blue. “How did you handle it? Having that fucking ultimatum looming over your head, I mean. And for _years_ too.”

“Where did that come from?” Haru returns instead of answering the question.

“I've been thinking about it for a while now, ever since Rin told me about your superpowers and past. It’s been making me see you in a different light.”

“You should see me in whatever way you want to.”

“You're dodging the question,” Yamazaki says. His hands are in his pocket—a casual pose—but his shoulders are tensed.

Haru arches an eyebrow. He’s surprised that Yamazaki noticed, considering they barely know each other, let alone on a personal level

Yamazaki rolls his eyes. “Please. Rin dodges questions all the time—I’ve gotten good at calling out that bullshit when I see it. Just answer my original question, Nanase.”

“I just accepted it, since there wasn't anything I could do about it,” Haru replies stiffly. “Then Rin had to go and ruin that plan.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him all right.” Yamazaki barks out a sharp laugh. There's an unreadable look on his face as he adds in a mutter, “He really loves you, you know that?”

Haru takes a glance at the way Yamazaki is looking at Rin and immediately gets it. “You're in love with him.”

Yamazaki laughs again, but the sound is less sharp and more genuine this time. “God, I can't believe even _you_ figured it out faster than he did. He had not one fuck of a clue until I told him—and even after that he ran out in, like, a gay panic before suddenly realising he apparently felt the same way.”

He's putting on a bravado, and Haru sees right through it. “You still love him, even though he can't give you what you want?”

Yamazaki’s smile turns bittersweet. “It wouldn't be love if I was only in it to gain something from him.”

And isn't that true. Haru thinks about how painful it must have been for Yamazaki to have the one he loves so close, yet not being able to _truly_ be with him. He thinks about the years _he_ has spent basking in the comforting steadiness of Makoto; how he once took for granted the hand that would always find his, no matter whether they're in a dark room or on a pier full of people dressed for a funeral, or the casual way they would squeeze each other’s hands thrice in lieu of saying _I love you._ Even though the prospect of having to part ways with all of that when GREAT would come had torn him apart, at least he could say he got to be with Makoto the way he wanted. 

Yamazaki had Rin all along, but he couldn't be _with_ him the way Haru got to be with Makoto. Yet, despite it all, Yamazaki still loves Rin, and the one keeping them apart is… 

“Nanase, don't apologise,” Yamazaki cuts in gruffly. “What happened to you—it was fucked up and none of your fault. You didn't ask for any of it. But you do have to promise me something—that you won't let Rin’s efforts and sacrifices go to waste. Promise me you'll fight with everything you have for your freedom, if not for your own sake then for Rin’s. If you surrender yourself even when there's still an opportunity to fight back, I will personally go down to Australia or wherever the fuck those loonies are keeping you and beat you up myself.”

This guy is always demanding all sorts of promises from him, though Haru supposes this one is more reasonable than the one Yamazaki tried to force on him when they were in middle school.

Haru glances aside and says coolly, “I don't need you telling me that, Ya—” He pauses, then corrects himself. “—Sousuke.”

Sousuke smirks. “Then I’ll hold you to that, Haru.”

* * *

The sun has disappeared below the horizon, and the celebration is in full swing. Students, both from Samezuka as well as other nearby schools, mill around the yard. A large bonfire is crackling and swaying merrily in the center of the courtyard. Loud thumping music pumps from the speakers.

As the eight swimmers are still somewhat soaked from their survival game, they use one of Rei’s tripwires (where the hell did he even _get_ them from?) as a clothesline to hang their wet jackets and shirts up. As the only one who didn't get shot, Rin languidly spreads out on the grass in his full uniform, while Momotarou and Nagisa are shirtless and the rest of them in their undershirts. After all that running around the campus, Haru is feeling quite warm, so he rolls his sleeves up to his elbows and leaves his shirt unbuttoned.

Gou materialises in front of them, arm-in-arm with Chigusa. “Ah, that's where you boys were!” she exclaims, pointing at them in an accusatory fashion. “We were searching all over the place for you. Seriously, any longer and we might have left without you.”

“You know it’s not safe, Gou,” Haru says sharply.

“I'm surprised you two stuck around for so long,” Rin adds, though not without pulling Momotarou into a chokehold to keep him away from Gou. “Was the muscle contest really that interesting?”

“Oh yes, there were so many magnificent muscles!” Gou squeals, and she starts sparkling like she's in an anime. “But none of them could rival Onii-chan’s.”

“I'm, uh, flattered? Anyway, do you—would you like to—I mean, if you don't want to it’s okay, but… er—”

“Gou-chan, come join us!” Nagisa butts in with no shame or remorse.

“Oi, I was about to ask that!” Rin snaps.

Haru rolls his eyes. One of these days, Rin will level up at expressing his affection for his sister. One day.

Gou wrinkles her nose. “Oh no, you boys stink. Hana-chan and I will be by the bonfire. Call us when you're ready to go home, Haruka-senpai. Later!”

Momotarou barely waits until Gou is out of earshot before breaking out of Rin's hold and snatching Haru’s wrists. “Harucchi-senpai! No way, you're _living_ with Gou-san?!”

“Yeah, to keep her safe from GREAT,” Haru answers.

“He's doing me a favour, really, since I can't leave the dorm,” Rin says.

“It’s not just a favour to you.” _I care too._

Momotarou continues clinging to Haru. “Harucchi-senpai! Bring me back to your home! Gou-san in a nightgown! I wanna see—”

Rin snatches Momotarou by the ear and drags him away from Haru. “Haru’s place doesn't have enough space for your sorry ass.”

(Yeah, like that's the actual thing Rin is mad about.)

Momotarou quickly bounces back from Rin’s rebuke, though. “Yeet, that game was really fun!” he exclaims, apparently already having gotten over Rin's overprotective tendencies. 

“We should definitely do this again,” Makoto chuckles. 

“I know!” Nagisa pipes up. “Next year, let’s do it at the Iwatobi Festival!”

“That's a wonderful idea,” Rei says, beaming. “Everyone, please come and join us!”

“Naturally!”

“Me too, me too!”

“Guess we’ll have to go too,” Rin says, folding his arms behind his head and grinning. “Right, Sousuke?”

“I guess,” Sousuke acquiesces with a small smile.

“Hey, I've actually wanted to talk to you for a while, Sou-chan,” Nagisa says. 

Rei shifts closer to the left where Sousuke is. “Me as well. I’ve been meaning to have a discussion about swimming techniques with you, as fellow butterfly swimmers.”

Sousuke’s eyes widen by a minuscule fraction, but then he quickly glances aside. “Whatever. If you want to talk, just do it. No need to make it into a big affair.”

“Sousuke-senpai looks scary when he's silent, but he's actually super kind,” Momotarou whispers conspiratorially to Rei and Nagisa.

“Heheh, just like Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirps.

“What are you talking about…” Haru and Sousuke mutter simultaneously.

“Oh, that reminds me! Mako-chan and Haru-chan are actually—”

“Nagisa!” Makoto cries out, while Haru snaps, “Oi. Don't.”

“What? I haven't said anything yet,” Nagisa whistles innocently.

Rin rolls his eyes. “Oh please, like you guys are any secret. You two radiate Big Gay Energy, with rainbows and sparkles and cupid-hearts and all that shit.”

And that's pretty much how the rest of the night goes. Nagisa keeps trying to spill about that one time he walked in on Haru and Makoto in the club room, with Makoto growing increasingly creative about silencing him and Rin egging Nagisa on because he's a bad influence (some things really don't change from childhood, though it was Nagisa egging Rin and his dumb ideas on back then). Nagisa even manages to get a chuckle out of Sousuke, and Rin immediately snaps a photo of him before he can school his features back into his usual scowl.

At one point, even Kisumi joins them. He complains about how mean Sousuke and Rin were to use him—an innocent bystander—as a shield from Makoto and Haru respectively. Sousuke snorts and mutters something about how he has no regrets, and Haru can't help but feel an odd sense of kinship with that.

But karma soon rears its head, as it turns out that Nagisa and Kisumi get along like a house on fire. Apparently, they befriended each other when they met at one of Haru and Makoto's middle school swimming tournaments, though they didn't get to meet again since Haru and Makoto quit the team shortly after that. 

(“It's all good now, since Kiss-Me and I have reunited!" Nagisa sings. “It was fate all along!”

“Why don't I get a 'chan'?” Kisumi asks, sounding more curious than demanding. 

“Because you're Kiss-Me!"

“Yeah, good point.”

They even exchange phone numbers, and Haru can only imagine the chaos that would ensue from their rekindled friendship.)

As Haru watches Nagisa launch into yet another embarrassing story and the others listen and laugh with him, he realises just how narrow his world had been until now. The circle of friends he cared about had once upon a time amounted to just Makoto. Then it was Nagisa and Rin at the old Iwatobi SC, Ikuya and Asahi (and, _fine,_ Kisumi too) in middle school, and then to Gou and Rei in high school. 

And now, he has three more people to add to that circle. Three more people to care about and form a bond with, and three more people to be afraid of losing. 

* * *

Haru has had a long day at Samezuka’s cultural festival. While he can't say he didn't enjoy himself, he can only handle being around people for so long before needing to retreat into himself. When Nitori asks to speak to Gou alone right before they're about to head out, he’s too worn-out to argue. He just gestures to them to make it quick while Rin watches them suspiciously from afar. From what Haru can tell, all Nitori does is tell her something and hand her an envelope. She frowns but takes it. When Rin asks her what it is, she just mutters something about a ‘love confession letter’ and tucks it into her bag. Rin looks about two seconds away from blowing up with rage, so Haru bids Rin a good night before dragging Gou away.

When he and Gou arrive at home, he mumbles a bleary goodnight to Miyako-san, Hayate and Gou, not noticing Gou’s strange, furtive behaviour and how she doesn't seem to hear him. He trudges upstairs to crash onto his bed, and he's out like a light in an instant. 

So far, he's been having an enjoyable, dreamless sleep. He hasn't had one in a while, given how stressed he has been lately. But now, his subconscious feels like it's sinking into a warm, soothingly empty cocoon where nothing can bother him. 

That is, until he is rudely jarred to consciousness by—something. It’s still dark. Rubbing his eyes, he glances over at the clock by his bed. It’s midnight. He looks up and can barely make out the face of the person looming over him, but he doesn't need to—he'd recognise that figure anywhere.

“Makoto, what the hell?” Haru grumbles. 

“Haru! Didn't you see Gou-chan’s text?” Makoto demands. 

“Why would she need to text me? If she wanted to talk, she could do it right here.” 

“I don't know! But she texted us—me, Nagisa and Rin—so I'm assuming she texted you too!”

Makoto sounds so uncharacteristically agitated, and panic radiates off his Bond in such thick waves, that Haru is instantly put on full alert. “Why? Did something happen?”

“It’s just—I don't even know how it’s possible!” Makoto babbles, pacing back and forth frantically. “Everything was okay, everything was going just _fine,_ until Gou-chan—”

“Makoto.” Haru seizes Makoto’s wrist, stilling him. In truth, he feels mere moments away from a panic attack due to the sheer amount of distress that he is only starting to realise isn't just coming from the green Bond but also from the yellow and red ones— _especially_ the red one. But when everything is going to shit, he needs to be the one with a level head. “You're not making any sense. Calm down and get to the point. What happened to Gou?”

Makoto’s next words freeze Haru’s blood over, and he curses himself over and over again for not trusting his gut sooner, because what did he say? His intuition never leads him astray.

“GREAT’s right here in Iwatobi, and for some reason they have Gou-chan at their old laboratory.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! if you enjoyed this please kudos and comment, if you'd like to! :D
> 
> chat with me/give feedback if you're more comfortable on an anon platform/stalk me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


	26. nothing but darkness now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So?” Rin snaps. “Nothing changed, did it? Gou is _still_ trapped there, we can _still_ blow up at any given moment, and—”
> 
> “I don't think she was kidnapped, though,” Haru interrupts.
> 
> “What?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **chapter warnings:** violence and gun violence.

More often than not, Gou feels uncomfortable when walking to school and back home with Haruka. That's not to say that it’s _Haruka_ who is making her comfortable—in fact, he has been nothing but kind to her ever since she moved in. However, there is always this strange chill she feels when she's out in the streets that has nothing to do with the changing seasons. She knows what autumn feels like, and this isn't it.

“Haruka-senpai, do you feel… cold?” she asks tentatively one day when they're walking back home together.

“Not really,” Haruka replies. Well, of course not. He's wearing the autumn school uniform, which comes with long sleeves and a blazer to keep him warm. Cold temperatures don't bother him anyway, according to him. “Do _you_ feel cold?”

Gou shakes her head just as a prickling feeling creeps up the back of her neck. When Haruka isn't looking, she glances back but doesn't spot anything out of the ordinary. There's an old man walking his dog, a mother trying to wrangle her horde of five little kids, and a middle-aged man reading a book on a bench. This is the normal everyday for a small sleepy town like Iwatobi.

“Is something wrong?” Haruka asks.

“No, everything’s okay. I just thought that, um—I thought I heard a friend calling my name.” Gou sees Haruka’s expression darken—no doubt with suspicion given how on-edge everyone has been lately—so she rushes to add, “There really is no need to worry, Haruka-senpai! I was probably just imagining things.”

Clearly not believing her, Haruka presses his lips together into a tense line, but otherwise he doesn't say anything.

They continue walking back to the Nanase home in silence. Makoto isn't with them because he had to hurry back home to take care of his siblings, so it’s just her and Haruka on the road. Everyone has been working hard to keep them all safe. Haruka insists on accompanying her whenever she leaves the house. Makoto rushes off to pick his siblings up from school the moment the last bell rings. Rin blows up Hayate’s phone with angry phone calls if she doesn't text him by a certain time at night (she does have to wonder why he doesn't just call her directly, but she chalks it up to his silly awkwardness). Even Nagisa has been training hard with Hayate to improve his shooting skills. She wishes there was something she could do to help, but the boys would probably tell her to stay out of it. She understands, obviously. If she were them, she wouldn't want innocent people to become collateral damage in this war.

But on the other hand, she also doesn't feel like a sitting duck, just waiting for disaster to strike and being unable to do anything about it.

“Gou.”

“Yeah?”

Haruka points at the convenience store ahead of them. “I'm going to get a drink. You want anything?”

Gou shakes her head. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be right outside the convenience store,” she points out with a roll of her eyes. “And what's going to happen within the, like, three minutes you'll be inside, anyway?”

Haruka hesitates at the entrance. She can practically see him mull over the possible dangers and what he'd do if disaster were to suddenly hit. Finally, he says, “Stay right here.”

He heads inside the store, the bell tinkling behind him to announce his presence. Outside, Gou leans against the wall and waits. True to what she told him, nothing unusual happens. Students from their school walk past chatting, and some enter the store behind Haruka. Elementary school kids chase each other up and down the street, shrieking and giggling. Dogs on walks play with each other and get their leashes tangled up, much to the fond exasperation of their owners.

That is, until a man drops his book in front of her.

“Ah, my apologies,” the man says, hunching down in front of her. Gou thinks he might be the man who was reading on the bench earlier, but she doesn't pay all that much attention to memorising random strangers’ faces so she can't be sure. 

Unfortunately, she is no stranger to up-skirt attempts by seemingly harmless strangers. Carefully pressing the hem of her skirt down between her thighs, she kneels down to pick up his book and hand it back to him.

“Thank you, miss,” the man says. His hand brushes over hers as he takes the book, but instead of retracting it, he clamps it down on hers while his other hand runs through her hair.

Alarmed, Gou opens her mouth to shout for Haruka. However, just as quickly, the man adds, “Oh, my apologies again. I can be so clumsy at times. I won't bother you any longer. Have a good evening.”

He releases her hand, and the other that was in her hair falls back to his side. There are several strands of loose red hair still tangled between his fingers, but he doesn't make any effort to remove them. In fact, it’s like he doesn't even realise they're there. With an apologetic smile, he disappears into the distance.

What a strange, downright _creepy_ man. It’s one thing to drop something in front of a high school girl, but it’s another thing entirely to grab her hand and touch her hair. Gou has gotten some looks from older men who were lucky Rin wasn't there with her, but this is the first time that she has been so boldly approached, _especially_ in broad daylight.

Thoughts of the man with the book refuse to leave her even as she tries to fall asleep that night. Having concluded that trying to get any semblance of sleep is a losing battle to fight, she heads downstairs to make herself some tea. It helps to calm her down on nights she's feeling anxious.

When Haruka joins her with a glass of water, she debates telling him about the creepy book man. It’s not like he doesn't give her any opportunities to talk about it—quite the opposite, actually. He asks her not once but twice if there's something bothering her. There _is,_ but she decides there isn't any point in telling him. It isn't like she is likely to bump into the creepy book man again—and if she does, she would definitely have to give him a hard knee to his vital parts downtown.

Although she doesn't see Creepy Book Man anywhere again over the next few weeks, the strange feeling born from their encounter refuses to leave her alone. The worst part? She has nothing concrete to prove that the strange feeling she's been having is legitimate (well, other than the weird hand-touching incident, but she convinces herself that it was a once-off incident since she hasn't seen him again). It’s always just a faint prickling feeling on the back of her neck or maybe a tiny chill running down her spine that could really just be products of her imagination. 

That's right, she is probably just being paranoid and/or going a teeny bit crazy because everyone keeps telling her she's in possible danger. This is all just happening inside her head and she's gaslighting herself. Is it even possible to gaslight oneself?

While she appreciates everyone's concern for her safety, she can't help but suspect that being constantly surrounded by Haruka and the other guys has something to do with her self-gaslighting tendencies. Or maybe she's just feeling suffocated. Either way, she insists on attending the Samezuka festival with Hana-chan without the guys, on the promise that she keeps her phone switched on and she stays on the campus.

For the most part, the cultural festival passes without much event. The muscle contest is, as expected, full of top-class muscles (though none of them can hold a candle to Rin’s), and she does become an unwitting victim of the boys’ water gun fight. Thankfully, Sousuke was a gentleman and lent her his jacket, and Haruka stayed with her until Hana-chan returned from the restroom, so she isn't too upset about that.

However, when Nitori asks to speak with her alone after the nighttime bonfire, the strange feeling comes back—and it’s stronger, more foreboding this time.

“Here,” he says, handing her an envelope. It’s white with no distinct markings to suggest who it may be from. All that's written on it is _‘For Gou Matsuoka-san. CONFIDENTIAL’_. Totally not weird at all.

“What's this?” Gou asks apprehensively.

“Apparently, it’s a love confession letter. Nakagawa-kun told me that someone asked him to give this to you, so he passed it to me since we’d be seeing each other at the bonfire.”

“Did he say who it’s from?”

Nitori shakes his head. “Someone told someone who told someone who told—you know how it goes. By the time it got to Nakagawa, he had no idea who the original sender was.”

Gou thinks it’s a rather long-winded and inefficient way of delivering a love letter to her. If that person had to go through so many channels just to make sure it ends up in her hands, she probably doesn't even know them. “Could it be from Kinta—I mean, Momotarou-kun?” she suggests, grasping at straws now.

“No, he would just tell you himself,” Nitori points out. “And then try to give you a stag beetle. He thinks it’s quite romantic.”

“Right…” She glances over at Momotarou, who keeps not-so subtly trying to eavesdrop on their conversation and is being held hostage by a peeved Rin. “Well, um, I should go before Onii-chan murders someone. Thanks for passing this to me, Nitori-kun.”

He smiles at her. “It’s no problem. Have a good night, Gou-san.”

Since it is apparently a love confession letter, Gou waits until she has some semblance of privacy in Haruka’s home before opening the letter.

But it’s _not_ a love letter—unless GREAT, as a whole organisation, is for some reason in love with her.

With shaking fingers, she smooths out the folds in the paper and reads it.

_Dear Gou Matsuoka-san,_

_We are sure you have heard of us. We are GREAT, an organisation dedicated to taking mankind’s potential to its highest, truest form through advanced genetic engineering._

_Unfortunately, we have not contacted you for pleasant business. Rather, we would like to inform you that we are aware the bombs inside your brother and friends—purely for insurance purposes, I assure you—have been removed. However, we had anticipated this. There is a second set of bombs inside each of them that none of them is aware of, not even Nanase Haruka._

_We will tell you where the bombs are located and how to remove them, should you agree to two conditions:_

_Firstly, you will not inform anyone about the second set of bombs._

_Secondly, you will come alone and meet us at our abandoned facility on the outskirts of Iwatobi by midnight. Please refer to the attached documents for the exact coordinates of our meeting place and a map should you find yourself lost._

_Of course, we do not wish to pressure you into something you may have your rightful reservations about doing. Hence, this meeting is completely up to you. However, please note that if you choose not to show up within the hour, we will take it as a sign that you are fine with us blowing up your brother and friends at sunrise._

_We look forward to meeting you, Gou-san._

_With warmest regards,_ _  
__GREAT_

It’s so obviously a trap that Gou wonders if GREAT got their inspiration from cheesy action movies or something. She knows how they think this is going to go: she will walk cluelessly into their base, then they're going to keep her a hostage to coerce Haruka into bending to their will.

But she won't let them have their way so easily. For one, she refuses to be the metaphorical (and maybe literal?) bomb that will blow up Haruka’s chance at true freedom; and for two, she is _not_ going to give GREAT the satisfaction of reducing her to a damsel in distress. 

She pauses to consider her options. Going to the police is a huge no-no. If they learned about Haruka and the others’ superpowers, who knows what the law enforcement would do to them? She's seen the movies—they'd persecute those with superpowers—or, worse, experiment on them. That means she can't trust any official figure of authority to take GREAT down—and she wants them gone for good, not just a temporary fix-it.

She also can't be sure that there really is no second set of bombs inside the boys. Because of this, she will have to comply with GREAT—but she has a plan unfolding in her mind. A crazy, risky plan, but it’s better than no plan at all. She’s sure the boys, especially her brother, will be furious once they find out what she's done. But she's also sure that if she were to tell them her plan, they would never agree to it and instead waste time trying to come up with an alternative and arguing with each other when the threat is literally _right there._

Gou has about a little over an hour before she's supposed to be at the abandoned facility, which is more than enough time. She grabs some items from the kitchen she thinks will make good weapons and shoves them into her jacket pockets. On top of them, she piles on other innocuous items like receipts, handkerchiefs and pens.

Once she's geared up, she tiptoes back into her room to make sure her mother is asleep. The rest of the house is dark and silent too. Good.

Right before she leaves, she prepares a draft of a mass text message which she schedules to automatically be sent to Rin, Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa at midnight. She knows she herself doesn't have the power or strength to go up against an organisation like GREAT, but those four with superpowers and an untouchable Bond can. What she can do is give them an opening to attack and then pray for the best.

She places her phone on the nightstand, kisses her mother gently on the cheek and sneaks out of the house, careful to avoid the loose floorboards. If GREAT wants her so badly, she's going to give herself to them—and then some.

* * *

As Haru expected, Rin is pissed beyond reason. Haru, Makoto and Nagisa just barely manage to catch him at the train station before he could storm right to GREAT’s abandoned facility and most likely get himself killed. With their combined strength (and thank GREAT for superstrength), they drag him to the nearby river bank.

“What the fuck are we doing here, just dawdling and wasting precious time?” Rin demands, spit flying from his mouth. His eyes are wide and burning like a feral animal that's been cornered.

“We can't just _go_ there—we need a plan,” Makoto attempts to reason. “What's our plan?”

“We storm the place, kill everyone and take Gou back. End of story, let’s fucking go already.”

“Rin! We can't do that!”

“Sure, we can. It’s either they kill Gou and then us, or we kill them first.”

“Guys, let’s all calm down, okay?” Nagisa suggests soothingly, placing his hands on Rin’s shoulders. “If Rei-chan was here, he'd say we should read her text and the letter again in an objective light.”

“Reading it over and over again isn't gonna save her,” Rin growls. “We need to _do_ something, so why are we just—”

Haru sighs and bends down to dip his hand into the river. Power flows through him, causing his front teeth to sprout into fangs. He grabs Rin’s forearm and bites it lightly, drawing just a tiny bit of blood.

“Haru, what the actual _fuck?!_ ” Rin shouts, wrenching his arm away. “What was that for, dipshit?”

“Calm down,” Haru says. “Losing your head isn't going to save Gou. And we can't just storm in, either. Nagisa is right—we should read the messages again to make sure we've got everything right.”

Rin throws his hands up in frustration. “Fine! Read it already and quit wasting time!”

Haru quickly heals Rin, then grabs his phone. The first that appears on the screen is Gou’s mass text message ( _'Dear everyone, I'm at GREAT’s abandoned facility for reasons I’ll explain later. Please come and rescue me. It’s a trap, though, so please be careful! Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience. Love, Gou’_ ). 

After letting the others read it, he pulls up a photo of the letter he'd taken before dashing out of the house.

The first thing he did after Makoto told him about Gou’s disappearance was to check her room in case there was anything left behind. He wasn't wrong—the supposed ‘love letter’ Nitori had given her turned out to be a direct threat from GREAT. He passed the letter to his grandfather, who promised to hack into GREAT’s systems to see if there's anything he could do about the second set of bombs. Haru wasn't sure how Hayate would get that done, though, considering how busy he was trying to keep Miyako-san from having a breakdown.

“So?” Rin snaps. “Nothing changed, did it? Gou is _still_ trapped there, we can _still_ blow up at any given moment, and—”

“I don't think she was kidnapped, though,” Haru interrupts.

“What?!”

“If she was kidnapped, she wouldn't have been able to send us a mass text message. Potential kidnappers wouldn't want her location to be tracked via her phone’s GPS, so if she had it with her they would have destroyed it. Plus, she wouldn't have been able to text us anyway if she was already in captive. This must've been planned beforehand.”

“So she was planning on going to GREAT all along?” Makoto asks, horrified.

Haru nods grimly. “Looks like it. No doubt GREAT was planning on using her as blackmail against me to get me to obey them. They would've contacted me sooner or later, but she beat them to it. What should've been a threat—she turned it into an opportunity for us to fight back against GREAT by telling us about her disappearance on her terms instead of GREAT’s. She's leading us to them.”

“That idiot!” Rin bursts out and punches a tree. “Why the fuck would she—oh my god.” He sinks down to the ground, his hands over his face. “Oh my god, I can't lose her. Not after—not after my dad. She and my mom—they're the only family I have left. If anything happens to her, I don't—I _can't_ —”

Nagisa squats down in front of Rin and gently pulls his hands away from his face. “Nothing will happen to Gou-chan—we’ll make sure of that. We’ll rescue her and defeat GREAT, but to do that, Rin-chan needs to act like the usual Rin-chan. What would the usual Rin-chan do?”

Rin lets out a shaky breath. “He wouldn't be having an embarrassing breakdown like this or losing his temper. He'd get his shit together and come up with a plan.” He stands back up with Nagisa’s help, and his previous broken voice shifts into a more businesslike tone. “Nagisa, do you have your gun?”

Nagisa pats his jacket. “Right inside here.”

“Good. Makoto, your powers good to go?”

Makoto furrows his eyebrows, and his skin glows green for a moment. “Good to go.”

“Haru, does the old man know?”

Haru nods. “He's at home with your mom. He's going to see if he can do anything about the bombs.”

“What about Haru-chan, though?” Nagisa asks. “I mean, the rest of us can activate our powers at the drop of a hat, but Haru-chan needs either water or really strong emotions.”

Rin smirks. He pats his own jacket, mirroring Nagisa’s earlier actions. 

“Don't worry, I've got that covered.” 

* * *

When Gou arrives at the facility—which is tucked away on a remote piece of land, far away from civilisation and near the ocean—several guards dressed in black appear and ‘escort’ her to a room. And by ‘escort’, she means they restrain her and drag her there. Unceremoniously, they toss her to the floor and tie her hands to a rusted pipe. 

There doesn't appear to be much in this room. It’s just one wide space with rusted pipes in their surface hanging from the ceiling to the ground. The tiles beneath her are cracked, like some powerful force had blown this place up a while back and the organisation rebuilt it in a hurry. Shards of glass are scattered across the floor; she can feel a few poking into her backside. As carefully and discreetly as she can, she stretches her fingers out to the ground. The tips of her fingers brush over the glass, occasionally nicking her. She swallows down her whimpers of pain and continues straining until her fingers finally close around a shard. But before she can do anything, a voice rings out. 

“Is that how you lads treat a girl? How disappointing. It really seems like chivalry is dead in this day and age.”

A middle-aged man enters the room, and Gou freezes. Even though she had only met him once, their encounter was so memorable that she couldn't forget it even if she tried.

“Hey, you're the creepy man with the book!” she shouts. 

The man tilts his head, as if genuinely curious. “I apologise for giving you that impression of me. I had no intention of defiling you.”

“No intention of defiling me?” she echoes incredulously. “Then what do you call randomly grabbing a young girl’s hand and running your fingers through her hair?”

“Oh, _that!_ I just wanted a genetic sample from you. You see, we had a sample of your brother’s hair in our base. We've even met before—it was six years ago when he first showed up here. We did some digging and found out he had a younger sister, so we went looking through Iwatobi to see if we could find a girl who looked like she could be his sister, and then we found you. Because we’re scientists, we don't jump to conclusions, so I obtained a sample of your hair to check if you two really were related. That's why I was touching your hair. That was all.”

“That was _all?_ What do you want with me, anyway?”

“Why, you ask? You're an intelligent young woman, Gou-san. I'm sure you've already guessed why.”

“Yes,” Gou says through gritted teeth. “To use me as bait against the boys.”

The man smiles. “Yes, that is it, my dear. And good bait don't talk, so I'm going to have to gag you.”

As much as she wants to knee him in the balls, she knows she has to play according to GREAT's rules for now. Hence, she just glares silently at him as he shoves a gag into her mouth. 

She also knows she has to play the role of the obedient captive, so she keeps her eyes low and stays as still as possible. There isn't anything else she can do now except to wait, after all.

It works, because the man loses interest in her. He leaves the room to have a discussion with the other scientists, leaving a few guards standing by the door and Gou alone in the room. Seeing this as her opportunity, she pushes the shard of glass between her fingers and starts sawing off bits and chunks of rope. Occasionally, she ends up cutting herself, but she maintains her poker face even as blood trickles down her hands.

The monotonous work helps to keep her mind off her buzzing anxiety. She knew when she made the decision to walk right into GREAT’s hands that it was a risky gamble to take, but she also knew she had no other choice. There was no way to know if there really was a second set of bombs or if they were just bluffing her. Besides, she has faith in her boys; she has faith that they can take down GREAT for once and for all and restore Haruka’s freedom.

The uneventful silence doesn't last long. Shouts, footsteps and gunshots thunder through the facility, startling her so badly she nearly cuts herself with the glass for the hundredth time.

“What the—they’re here already?!”

“We haven't even sent out the agent to collect them yet, what the hell?”

“It must’ve been that bitch—she must have told them. I _told_ everyone we should've just kidnapped her instead of blackmailing her!”

“There was no viable way to kidnap her. Those boys were around her all the time, and when they weren't she was out in public where everyone could see her.”

The creepy man storms back into the room. The pleasant smile on his face is gone, replaced by a murderous glare.

“Did you tell your brother and friends about your whereabouts?” he demands. She glares back up at him, refusing to cave. With a growl, he strikes her face. The blow is so hard her neck twists to the side, but she refuses to give him the satisfaction of making a single sound. “Answer me! Nod or shake your head! Did you tell them?”

In response, she rips her hands out of what’s left of the bindings, tears out the gag and screams, “Onii-chan! Over here!”

She staggers to her feet and continues yelling herself hoarse. She stumbles over the debris and broken glass to the exit, but the man snatches her ponytail and yanks her back. His grip is so hard, her eyes water with pain. In retaliation, she pulls out a pair of kitchen scissors from her jacket pocket. She swings it upwards and hacks her ponytail off. When the pressure is released from her head, she wastes no time, twisting her arm back and blindly thrusting the scissors into the man’s crotch. He howls in pain, crumpling to the floor and holding his bleeding groin. She kicks him with all the strength she has, and he goes crashing into the wall. He slumps against it and passes out cold. 

The boys burst into the room, chased by guards that easily outnumber them. They're sweaty, splattered with blood and glowing with murderous intent.

But most importantly, they're _here_. Gou's wild shot-in-the-dark plan _worked._

“Nagisa!” Rin yells. “Do your thing!”

“Aye, captain!” Nagisa, who has glued himself to Haruka’s side, salutes. A bright golden glow bursts out of Nagisa and spreads out several feet away from him, large enough to encompass Gou within its circumference. The glow is so bright it makes Gou’s eyes water, but it’s warm like a steaming cup of tea on a cold autumn night. She can feel the tiny cuts accumulated on her hands heal over.

However, the peace doesn't last long. Bullets start flying everywhere, filling her vision with dark grey. She drops to the ground with her arms over her head, and a pair of strong arms wrap around her from behind.

“You moron, what the fuck were you thinking?” Rin demands, sounding choked up.

“Sorry for making you worry, Onii-chan,” Gou says.

“We’re gonna have a _long_ talk about this later, Gou.” He shifts her so she's hidden behind him, then shouts, “Oi, Makoto! Do something about those guns!”

A green glow envelopes Makoto, nearly as blinding as Nagisa’s, and matching scales emerge on his skin. He marches forward, bullets ricocheting off his body. The guards curse and continue firing more shots, but Makoto doesn't flinch. He snatches their guns, crushes them and tosses them aside.

“And break their necks while you're at it!” Rin yells.

For a split second, Makoto hesitates, which causes the green glow to fade. His scales turn back into human skin—and that split second is all the guards need to recover. They whip out knives from their holsters and slash forwards at Makoto. He yelps, barely dodging their strikes by a hair.

In response, Rin brandishes a water gun from his jacket. “Never bring a knife to a _water gun_ fight!”

Rin turns and shoots Haruka, who’s busy fending off the gun-less guards with nothing more than a switchblade, self-defense techniques he learned from Rin, and Nagisa behind him who instantly heals him each time he takes a hit. His entire figure immediately starts glowing blue the moment the water makes contact with him. Hard, lustrous scales emerge in ridges on his skin, and long sharp fangs protrude from his mouth. Snarling, he leaps forward in front of Makoto and sinks his fangs into a guard’s neck.

“Gou, you need to get out of here,” Rin says urgently.

Gou nods and doesn't protest. If she stays, all she’ll be is a liability. This is as much as she can do for the boys.

“Kiss-Me is waiting outside for you,” Nagisa whispers to her. “He’ll bring you back to Haru-chan’s home.”

“Kisumi-kun?” Gou asks. “How does he know about this?”

“I contacted him, since Gou-chan needs someone to make sure she gets someplace safe. I figured we wouldn't be able to do it ‘cause we’d be stuck inside here fighting GREAT. I have my phone with me, and I turned on my location on Snapchat so Kiss-Me knows where we are. I told him to hide somewhere far from the base so they don't see him. But just in case, I managed to convince Haya-chan to give me a second gun and I lent it to Kiss-Me.”

“So you told Kisumi-kun the secret about you guys?” Gou asks incredulously, since that's the only thing her brain can process right now.

“Don't sweat the small details—just go already!” Rin interjects. “I’ll cover you!”

He hauls her to her feet and drags her out of the room. Guards chase them down the hallway with their guns and knives. Rin whips out a handgun—an actual one, not a water one—and fires bullet after bullet at the guards hot on their trails. The sound of multiple shots being fired at the same time rings painfully in her ears. If she survives this, she's going to need either Haruka or Nagisa to restore her hearing back to normal.

They make several tight turns through the corridors before the exit finally comes into sight. She's about to dash all the way out when a bullet flies past and narrowly misses her leg. Instinctively, she glances back but Rin pushes her forward to the door.

“Don't look back,” he orders. “I’ll cover you all the— _fuck!_ ”

Rin collapses to the floor, clutching his leg. A bullet is half-buried in his calf through a tear in his pants, which is turning red from blood. 

“Onii-chan!” she cries out.

“It’s shallow,” he says, even though his voice is rough and breathing laboured. “I’ll survive. Don't worry about me, Gou.”

He tries standing, but the wound must be worse than he's letting on because his knee buckles. Gou grabs his arms to steady him, even as he tries shaking her off. Against his will, he slumps back onto the floor as blood continues to gush out from the wound.

“We have orders not to kill the boy, but the sister is expendable,” one of the guards calls it from the other end of the hallway. 

“Like fuck you're gonna do anything to her,” Rin growls. “Gou, leave!”

“And just leave you here to die or be tortured at GREAT’s hands?” Gou demands.

A bullet tears through the air. Immediately, he pulls her to the ground and rolls over to cover her. It narrowly misses his head, taking off several strands of hair.

The footsteps behind them grow louder. Rin can barely move because of his injury, and Gou is paralysed with a flood of terror. If he dies here, what is she going to do? Worse, what if the both of them die? What is their _mother_ going to do if she loses not one but two children in one night?

The shadow of a guard looms over them. The sound of a gun being loaded seems to echo in the hallway.

“Move, boy.”

“You'll have to kill me if you want to get to her,” Rin rasps. 

“The scientists want you alive, but if you insist then I shall tell them it was a necessary—”

A gunshot resounds, but not from the guard himself. Gou twists her neck back to see blood spurting out from the guard’s knee and him collapsing against a wall. Another gunshot sends his gun, stained with his own blood, clattering to the floor.

“Rin-chan! Gou-chan!” 

Nagisa materialises in front of them. Groaning, Rin rolls over onto his side, and Gou sits up, still feeling somewhat dazed.

“You shouldn't be running around with a gunshot wound, Rin-chan,” Nagisa chides as he heals Rin’s injuries. “How are you supposed to protect Gou-chan if you get hurt?”

Rin scowls. “It’s gonna take more than a shot to my leg to take me down. In any case, we should get going.”

He stands up and helps Gou to her feet. She stumbles a little from how surreal everything is. Just now, they were being chased by guards with guns. Her brother and friends were fighting against said guards with their superpowers as well as guns of their own. And to think they were all having fun at a school’s cultural festival like ordinary high school kids just a few hours ago. None of this feels real, even as the sounds of guns being fired continue echoing in her ears, even as the sight of blood splattered everywhere threatens to tint her vision red.

“You okay, Gou-chan?” Nagisa asks, smiling gently at her.

She nods. By some kind of miracle, none of the bullets had hit her earlier.

“That's good. Alright, let’s go!” Nagisa chirps. “I’ll follow you two in case you get hurt again so—”

The fallen guard grabs Nagisa around his ankle just as he's about to take a step forward, causing him to stumble and fall. Before Gou or Rin can react, he pounces on Nagisa’s back and drives a syringe into the side of his neck. Instantly, Nagisa’s body goes limp. The last thing he manages to choke out is a strangled “This is bad” before passing out.

“Nagisa!” Rin yells. “Oi, what the hell did you do to Nagisa?!”

“The scientists’ orders were to take the boys who are part of the Bond alive but preferably unconscious. I'm just doing my job here.”

“If your job involves kidnapping, shooting and drugging minors then you can take your _orders_ and shove them up your—”

“I’ll make you a deal, boy,” the guard says. “If you and the other two boys surrender, we’ll let your sister go. The boss was originally planning on killing her so she can't leak any information, but if you comply with his orders, I’ll just inject her with an amnesia-inducing serum. However, if you take your gun and shoot me right now, my colleagues will just keep coming after you and your sister until she's dead. I'm expendable—there are many other men who can take over my job at a moment’s notice.”

“And how do I know you won't just inject her with poison or something?” Rin retorts.

“You don't, but the alternative is that I shoot her, and that's a definite.”

Rin’s expression hardens. “Fine, take me if you wish. But leave Gou out of this. If you harm even a hair on her head, rest assured that I _will_ raze this damned organisation to the ground with my own bare hands.”

“It’s a deal,” the guard says. “Your gun, please. And if you try to do anything with your fangs, I can't promise that your sister will leave this place in one piece, got it?”

Rin nods. He hands his gun over, retracts his fangs, and holds his hands up in the air.

“Onii-chan, you can't be serious,” Gou protests weakly. She's rooted in place with horror as she watches the guard pull out another syringe. The thought of her brother unconscious and at the mercy of GREAT— _no,_ she can't stand it, yet she can't do anything but watch helplessly.

“Nothing good will come out of this if you stay here,” Rin says. “Promise me you'll get to safety, okay? Even if you don't remember anything, _don't look back._ Keep running as fast as you can. Gou, _promise_ me.”

Even with his hands in the air, even with the needle of the syringe sinking into his neck, his expression burns with ferocity. He betrays no signs of weakness; he may be surrendering now, but if Gou knows anything about her brother, it’s that he never has any intention to lose. Shakily, she nods.

Another guard appears behind her, grabs what's left of her hair and jabs a syringe into her neck. Haziness floods her head, temporarily wiping her vision white. She nearly crumples back to the ground if it weren't for Rin catching her, though his arms shake from the effort of fighting off the effects of the drug.

Once the injection is over, Rin gives her a push forwards.

“Get out of here, and don't look back.”

And that's what Gou does, stumbling over her feet several times in her journey to the exit. She knows the serum is going to start kicking in soon. Already, she has to fight her way through a dense fog to remember where she needs to go. Memories swim in and out of focus in her mind—blood, ropes, gunshots, Rin yelling at her. Which came first? She struggles to place the events in order.

Right, it was the rope. There was some blood from when she tried getting herself out of the ropes because she had cut herself. The gunshots followed after that, because that was when the boys showed up. Then Rin got angry at her for coming to this place, as well as at the guards for hurting her.

She needs a way to remember this for when she no longer has this information in her brain. When no one is looking, she pulls a wrinkled receipt and a pen out of her pocket. Her handwriting is shaky as she runs to the exit, with many pauses and bumps while she grapples with her fading memories, but eventually she manages to get everything written down.

 _I can't throw this away,_ she recites to herself. _I need this. Even if I don't remember why I wrote this, this is important._

The chilly autumn air hits her when she bursts out of the dilapidated building. Why is this building here? More importantly, why is _she_ here?

She's holding an old wrinkled receipt with awful handwriting on it. Is it hers? Her handwriting is normally more legible than this. She is about to shove it back into her jacket pocket, but the words at the top underlined with three harsh strokes catch her attention. Nothing that's written on the receipts makes any sense to her. GREAT? Gunshots? Haruka and superpowers? Bombs? The only thing she knows is that this is important for reasons she can't recall.

The wind nips at her through her jacket. Keeping a tight grip on the receipt, she hugs her jacket tighter around her. It’s too thin. What was she thinking, wearing this outside at nighttime during autumn? What _is_ she doing outside at nighttime during autumn? These questions swirl around her mind as she trudges forward. 

The wind blows her hair back. It’s a lot shorter now, for some reason; it used to reach down to her waist but now the ends are just barely tickling her neck. She runs her fingers through it from the roots to the ends. It’s choppy, like it was hacked off rather than trimmed at a proper salon. She has no recollection of anyone crudely hacking off her hair.

On top of all that, she's exhausted to her bones. She wants nothing more than to collapse in her bed and sleep like a corpse. But where is her bed? Something in the back of her mind keeps telling her to go to Haruka’s home, which makes no sense to her. She shouldn't show up at his doorstep out of the blue, especially at this time of the night.

Despite her confusion, she continues onwards until she spots a tuft of pink hair hiding behind a tree on the outskirts of this remote piece of land. If she was standing at the entrance of the building she just left, she wouldn't have been able to see it.

Her mind jolts with vague recollection; she only knows one person with pink hair. This person with pink hair is extremely important—her intuition tells her that he is the one she has been looking for, even though she wasn't even aware she was looking for someone.

The name sounds strange on her tongue, yet somehow she knows it’s the right one when she calls out, “Kisumi-kun?”

The boy named Kisumi pops out from where he was hiding and hurries to her. “Gou-chan! There you are! Any longer and I might have busted in there to go looking for you.”

Kisumi… Shigino Kisumi. He's her brother’s friend from elementary school, she recalls. Sometimes, he would go over to their home together with a boy named Sousuke to hang out with Rin. He was nice to her, always bringing sweets to share with her, though he tended to be somewhat pushy when asking her to play basketball with him. 

Just to be sure, she takes a look at the top line on the wrinkled receipt. She nods—he is the right one.

She shoves the receipt at him. “Read this. I don't remember why, but it’s important.”

When Kisumi takes it from her hands, her body slackens, like it’s finally relaxing after having been on guard for any hint of danger for a long, _long_ time. For reasons unknown to her, she feels like she has been waiting for weeks upon weeks to feel safe, even if danger still continues to loom behind her. Whatever it is, she can at long last rest now.

Her knees give out beneath her. She collapses against his chest, promptly blacking out.

* * *

When Rei awakens at midnight to a text message containing a photograph Nagisa captured of himself, known colloquially as a selfie, he normally wouldn't think this is anything out of the ordinary. Even the caption which reads _‘rei-chan i hope u know how much i love u’_ shouldn't be anything surprising, but for some reason ominous chills keep running down his spine. Normally when Nagisa tells him he loves him, he does it by teasing him or sending him surprisingly well-edited memes of fictional characters surrounded by various heart emojis; the point is, Nagisa’s messages are never as simple and to-the-point as “I hope you know how much I love you”.

Plus, this message came out from pretty much nowhere. There was no precursor to this, no heartfelt conversation or fight. Just earlier that day, they were enjoying themselves at Samezuka’s cultural festival like adolescents their age normally do, so why did Nagisa suddenly feel the need to say that? Not that Rei is complaining about the affection, but something feels _off_.

And Rei is not going back to sleep until he figures out what exactly it is.

The first logical thing he does is call Nagisa. However, he doesn't pick up, which is highly unusual for him because he brings his phone with him everywhere he goes.

The next person Rei tries is Haruka. He's about two rings in before remembering that Haruka’s phone just sits around in his home as a decorative item and its owner doesn't actually use it. 

Now starting to grow desperate, Rei calls Makoto, but it’s his siblings who pick up. Ran and Ren inform him that Makoto claimed he was going for a late-night jog with Haruka, but they had a feeling that something was bothering him.

As a last resort, he dials Rin. Rin picks up, yells “STAY WHERE YOU FUCKING ARE, REI” and hangs up with no explanation whatsoever.

Rei is left staring at his phone, feeling an odd mix of worry, confusion and annoyance. No one ever tells him anything—it’s like the four of them are in a world separate from his, and they think they have to bear all its burdens on their own shoulders.

He gathers everything he knows about the current situation: Nagisa sent him a random ominous selfie, none of them are responding or explaining anything to him, and it’s midnight. Additionally, he knows Haruka is in bed by nine p.m., so why would he go for a jog with Makoto at midnight, especially since he had an exhausting day running around Samezuka? This doesn't make any sense. The more he thinks about it, the more he realises he's just going around in circles and circles until he’s trapped himself in a web of knots he can't navigate out of.

Well, if there is one person who probably has any idea of what is going on, it has to be—

Rei nearly smacks himself. Of course, of _course,_ why didn't he think of this sooner? Hastily, he scrolls down his contact list and hits the call button.

“Hayate-san, good evening,” he greets, because even if he's worried and annoyed, he would never forget his manners. “Do you have any idea about what's happening with Haruka-senpai and the others?”

Hayate blows out a heavy sigh. “I should've guessed you would have realised sooner or later. Listen to me, Glasses—don’t do anything stupid or irrational, okay? Just listen first before you act.”

“Of course. What is it?”

“Your friends probably just got lured into a trap by GREAT.”

Instantly, all of Rei’s blood freezes in his vessels and veins. GREAT? _The_ GREAT, the organisation that tortured Haruka for years on end and no one knew about it? He knew it was a possibility, of course, but to find out this is his actual reality… His knees start to shake so badly he stumbles back onto his bed.

“Again, I repeat, do _not_ do anything stupid or irrational,” Hayate emphasises. “I know you're probably thinking of rushing over to save them, but don't do that ‘cause you'd probably die instantly. Come over here instead.”

“Are you sure we shouldn't let the police handle this?” Rei asks apprehensively. “GREAT is threatening minors—I would assume it’s fairly safe to say that the law will be on our side in this case.”

“But what if they're minors with superpowers? For all we know, the police could kill Haruka and the others if they deem them to be a threat to society. GREAT won't kill them, at least.”

Rei frowns. He supposes he can see the logic in that, but still… “How can you be so certain? They had no qualms about threatening to blow up Nagisa-kun, Makoto-senpai and Rin-san to coerce Haruka-senpai into obeying them, after all.”

“They won't kill Haruka because they want to use him as a weapon, and neither will they kill Rin, Nagisa or Makoto because they want to study the Bond,” Hayate explains impatiently, like he can't believe how slow Rei is on the uptake (and if there is anything Rei resents, it’s not being able to understand something, especially if everyone else does). “The bombs were a failsafe to keep Haruka in line since they deemed him a higher priority than studying the Bond, but they had plans to study it too if the opportunity presented itself.”

That just serves to heighten Rei’s distress. They can't rely on the law enforcement to help them—and on top of that, who knows what sorts of heinous torture his friends are going through at the hands of GREAT? 

“Then what can we do?” he cries out, abandoning any attempts at maintaining his composure. “We can't just sit around and let GREAT do whatever they want to them!”

“That's why I told you to come over to my place first,” Hayate says. “And bring Red’s friends too. I have a feeling they're going to throw themselves headfirst into danger too, so all of you might as well go prepared.”

And with no further explanations or even a goodbye, Hayate hangs up. Once more, Rei is left staring at his phone.

He weighs his options. Logically, he knows there is nothing an ordinary human boy like him can do against a massive organisation that has successfully engineered superhumans. Things like these are better left to people who are far more capable than he is.

But who would those be? According to Hayate, they can't count on the police. Moreover, Rei doesn't know anyone else with superpowers who can go and rescue his friends. 

Plus, they're _his_ friends—Haruka, Makoto and Rin. And Nagisa—he’s the one who somehow managed to sneak his way past Rei’s defenses and steal his heart with disarming charm. Meeting them helped him to realise a passion, a dream, he wouldn't have been able to discover had he stayed on the track team. There are still many more races he wants to swim in with them. There is still a future, though still unclear to him, ahead of him and Nagisa together—and because of that, he will not allow himself to just sit around while they could be hurt or tortured or whatever GREAT is doing.

He gets up and grabs a jacket. Even if he is just an ordinary human boy, that's not going to stop him from fighting for his friends’ sake—for the sake of the futures they want and deserve.

* * *

Of all the ways Aiichirou was expecting to wake up, it did not include being roused at midnight by indignant yelling coming from down the hallway. With his vision still blurry with sleep, he drags himself and heads to the door—only to find that it’s already wide open. He peeks around the corner and finds Momo racing down to where the commotion is. Curious, Aiichirou follows him to where several of their teammates are gathered outside a room.

Specifically, Rin-senpai and Sousuke’s room.

“OI, WILL SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE?”

That’s Sousuke, no doubt about it. And for some reason, he sounds really, _really_ angry. Furious, even.

Aiichirou pushes his way through the throng of teammates to the door. He knocks on it and calls, “Sousuke-senpai, what's wrong?”

“That fucker tied me to the bed, that's what's wrong!”

“Uh, why would Rin-senpai do that?” Aiichirou asks, bewildered. There are so many ways to interpret _that_ statement he doesn't know where else to begin.

“Wish I knew,” Sousuke seethes. “He said something about Gou being in danger or something. He refused to elaborate and tied me up here when I offered to tag along and help.”

Momo’s eyes nearly spring out of his head. He rams himself against the door and yells, “ _What?!_ Gou-san is in danger?”

“Apparently so, according to him. And the reckless idiot’s probably gonna go and get himself hurt trying to rescue her. Someone get in here and free me already!”

Aiichirou tries to twist the doorknob, but no matter how hard he tries it refuses to budge. Momo joins in, grabbing the other side and trying to wrench it out of the door, yet it still doesn't move.

Aiichirou wipes the back of his hand against his forehead. “We need to get a key.”

“Only the security guard on duty has the keys to all the rooms,” Uozumi points out. “He's probably gonna come soon, though—it’d be pretty hard to miss all the racket coming from our floor.”

“We don't have time for 'soon'!” Sousuke snaps. “Rin could be out there getting himself killed with every second we spend chatting!”

“W—wait!” Aiichirou stammers. He’s still way too tired to make sense of anything that's going on. “If Rin-senpai and Gou-san really are in danger, shouldn't we inform the authorities?”

“Are you out of your mind, Ai? The law may be on Gou’s side, but if they find out about Rin and the others—”

“It’d be bad,” Momo says, summing it up for Aiichirou.

Aiichirou grimaces. He has seen enough superhero shows and movies to know what any figure of authority would do to people with superpowers—and since superpowers do actually exist, there has to be _some_ truth in fiction. Terrible things could happen to Rin-senpai and his friends—they could be locked away for life or, worse, executed. That thought sends a pang through Aiichirou. Rin-senpai is his role model, the ideal he’s striving to achieve in swimming; what will he do if Rin-senpai is no longer there to show him the way?

“Well then,” Uozumi says in a matter-of-fact tone and cracks his knuckles. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Before Aiichirou can ask what these ‘desperate measures’ are, all twenty-two other members of Samezuka’s swim team come charging out of their dorms with chairs, small tables and other assortments of heavy items. With a yelp, Aiichirou and Momotarou quickly scamper out of their teammates’ trajectory. They descend upon Sousuke’s door with the fury of an army avenging the loss of its beloved leader, taking turns to ram themselves, their chairs and whatnot against the door over and over again until it falls to the ground with a mighty crash.

The most surreal, unbelievable thing about everything that just happened is not the flawless coordination of twenty-two teenaged boys breaking down a door (though that _was_ pretty amazing, Aiichirou has to give them that), but the fact that none of them asked any questions despite the bizarre circumstances. Even in his absence, Rin-senpai holds incredible power over the team.

Now that the door separating them is gone, Aiichirou dashes in—followed closely behind by Momo while the other guys watch curiously from the outside—and finds Sousuke seated cross-legged on the floor. His hands are tied behind him to the bedpost, and he somehow manages to look both out of his mind with worry and extremely disgruntled about being bound.

“Oh, it’s just ordinary rope,” Aiichirou remarks, relieved. It would be a lot harder to free Sousuke if it were handcuffs.

“They're starting to chafe—will you take them off me?” Sousuke groans. “There's a penknife somewhere.”

Momo is already on it. He produces a penknife after rifling through the drawers—making a mess on the floor in the process—and hands it to Aiichirou, who immediately starts to work on hacking off the knots.

“I don't get it,” Momo says, sitting down on the floor in front of Sousuke. “Why would Rin-senpai tie you up just ‘cause Gou-san is in danger? What's that got to do with anything?”

“He probably didn't want me to follow him, which means it must be something so dangerous he didn't want me involved,” Sousuke explains darkly. “And _that_ means this very likely has something to do with GREAT.”

“No way, the organisation that made Harucchi-senpai a mermaid?”

Aiichirou cringes at Momo’s lack of subtlety. He glances over to where their teammates are gathered beyond the fallen door. They whisper among each other with perplexed expressions but otherwise don't interrupt them. They probably recognise that whatever this is, they shouldn't get involved. Rin-senpai is going to have a _lot_ of explaining to do when he returns (and he _will_ return—Aiichirou has all the faith in the world that he will).

“The one and only,” Sousuke confirms, not seeming to care about the eavesdroppers outside. “I have no idea what they'd want with Gou, but knowing them it’s probably nothing good. What matters is that Rin’s throwing himself into danger, and who knows if that idiot is even _alive_ right now!”

“Sousuke-senpai, I understand your worry. I am also worried about Rin-senpai.” Since both Momo and Sousuke have already spilled much more about Rin-senpai than they should have in front of their teammates, Aiichirou decides to throw all caution to the wind. “But the thing is, he has powers. We don't. As it is, he has a better chance of taking care of himself and saving Gou-san than we do. In fact, if we go, we might end up being more of a burden to him instead of assistance.”

But Sousuke shakes his head. “No, you didn't see the look in his eyes when he stormed out of here. I've seen Rin pissed many times, but that went _beyond_ pissed. He isn't thinking clearly, and that might get him killed or at least very badly hurt. _Or_ he could end up killing someone. I don't want that on his conscience, either.”

“And my point still stands—what can _we_ do to help him?” Aiichirou protests, feeling like he's the only one with any ounce of rationality in this room. “We’re just ordinary teenagers with no power or authority. If we were to just dash off to find him, we’d be as reckless as he is.”

“What if we called the guys from Iwatobi to help find him?” Momo suggests in a rare display of common sense. “They have powers—they’d stand a better chance than we do.”

“If Gou really is in danger, I'm sure those guys are already on it,” Sousuke says. “She's like a sister to them too.”

“Then if they're all together, they should be fine, right?”

“I'm _not_ betting Rin’s life on a possibility. Also, let’s not forget that this is the organisation that got away with torturing Haru for _five_ whole years. I have no idea how they operate, but I doubt they'd go down so easily even if those four have superpowers.”

“Yes, but my point _still_ stands, Senpai,” Aiichirou interjects. “We can't do anything—”

His phone buzzes in his pocket, cutting off his train of thought. He puts down the penknife, fishes it out and glances at the caller ID. 

“Hello, Ryugazaki-kun?”

Aiichirou pauses, listening carefully to what Ryugazaki has to say. Ryugazaki fills him in on the situation, which is basically nothing he doesn't already know, gives him a location, and hangs up in a hurry. 

Likewise, Aiichirou places his phone down. He picks up the penknife and cuts through what's left of the rope. Sousuke rubs his red chafed wrists, then glances back at Aiichirou with a questioning look. He doesn't have to say anything for Aiichirou to guess what he wants to ask.

“Ryugazaki knows about the situation—and he also knows someone with a plan.”

* * *

Six years ago, it was Chie who discovered GREAT’s whereabouts in Japan and what they were doing with Haruka. Even though she and Hayate had already formally retired from the special forces, the idea that there was an elusive organisation out there in Japan which made superhuman weapons out of children—it continued haunting them at night. It had been their life’s work after the post-war reforms by the Allied Powers to find and shut down that organisation, but they were terrifyingly good at staying under the radar.

In Chie’s case, it literally haunted her. One of her secondary abilities was premonition, but she could only get vague vibes and blurry images of the future, nothing more and nothing less. For several weeks prior to her discovery of GREAT, she kept waking up at night in cold sweat—and consequently waking Hayate up too, since he's a light sleeper. But she would never tell him what her dreams, her premonitions, were about. She claimed she couldn't explain it even if she tried. A bad feeling settled in Hayate’s gut, but he never pushed for an answer—there was no point in forcing her power to work the way they wanted it to, anyway.

One day when they went to visit their kids in Iwatobi, it turned out that Kaito and Hisae had taken Haruka out with them. Since Chie and Hayate had a spare key to their home (it's the grandparents' prerogative, Chie had insisted), they decided to head inside and wait. Chie, exhausted from not getting a good night’s sleep the previous night, headed upstairs to the guest room to take a nap while Hayate worked on crossword puzzles to take his mind off cigarettes. Even decades after he had quit, it’s a battle he still fought to win every day.

It was a quiet afternoon—or Hayate thought it would be, until Chie woke up from her nap, snatched his wrist and dragged him out of the house.

“We were so stupid, Hayate,” she said—and that’s how he knew the situation was dire, because she _always_ called him Haya-chan or some other pet name she was fond of. Her voice was so badly choked up, it was a surprise she could speak at all. “They were right here in Iwatobi all along, _right_ under our noses.”

Hayate stared at her, puzzled. “What do you mean? Who are we talking about?”

Instead of answering him, Chie continued marching down the street, pulling him behind her. To passersby, it must be a ridiculous sight, an elderly woman dragging her husband around like they're teenaged lovers frolicking about.

“I don't know where exactly they are,” she muttered, more to herself than to Hayate. And she always lectured _him_ on his communication skills or lack thereof. “But I'm guessing they're somewhere on the outskirts, maybe on a remote piece of land near the ocean.”

He sighed. He pulled his wrist out of her grasp and grabbed her arm instead, halting her in her tracks. “Okay, slow down. Who is this ‘they’ you're talking about?”

Chie stared at him like he was the dumbest person to ever roam the earth. 

“GREAT, obviously. And if we don't get there soon enough, something terrible will happen to Haruka and his friends.”

And everything that followed was history. They arrived too late at the scene in Chie’s premonition. There was nothing but wreckage and death in front of them. Neither of them were strangers to wreckage and death, but knowing their grandson and his friends were somewhere in there broke Hayate’s heart in a way it hadn't been able to even twinge in a terribly long time, ever since the war. 

As for Chie—well, even after all the torture she had suffered and the trauma that had haunted her everywhere she went, she’d always been the more human one between them; she could cry when he couldn't, and it was no different this time. When they found the kids miraculously alive under all the rubble, she held them close to her and sobbed from the depths of her heart. Hayate hadn't cried in decades, not even when his brothers-in-arms fell in the battlefield—but for the first time in decades, he finally shed a tear.

It didn't take them long to figure out the truth. It was one thing for Hayate and Chie to find out their only grandson had been experimented on by an evil organisation they'd had spent their entire lives chasing and failing to find. 

But it was another thing entirely to find out their _own_ children were the ones experimenting on him. Hayate thought he knew what betrayal felt like, having spent most of his life in the special forces where it wasn't a surprise to be stabbed in the back if there was something your supposed comrade wanted to gain, but that day redefined the word for him. He didn't even want to think about how much pain it must have inflicted upon Chie, who knew firsthand what it was like to be experimented on, tortured and groomed to be a weapon as a child. He had a feeling she never truly recovered from the betrayal up until the moment she was shot right through the chest by one of GREAT’s lackeys.

After all that, Hayate swore he would protect Haruka, Rin, Makoto and Nagisa from GREAT with everything he had; he dedicated the past six years to fighting GREAT for Haruka’s freedom.

But he never would have guessed—and he _should_ have—that they would target Gou too. And now, despite all his best efforts, those boys have fallen back into GREAT’s hands again.

Hayate knows he can't recklessly rush into things like he might have in his youth. For now, he needs to focus on what's in the present—and in the present moment, Miyako’s face is drawn and pale. Her hands shake around the cup of steaming green tea Hayate prepared for her. Hayate can't blame her—in the span of an hour, both her kids are in the hands of an evil organisation. In fact, he's relieved she is even listening to him at all, staying in the house and not contacting the authorities despite that being her first instinct, understandably so. If he wasn't a former member of the special forces, he might have had called the police too.

However, it’s _because_ he's a former member of the special forces that he knows the authorities won't help Haruka and the others. They'd try to shut down GREAT in the name of upholding justice, but they would take the kids away and treat them the exact same way GREAT would have. He would know, because that was what they had tried with Chie if it weren't for the special forces banding together to convince the higher-ups to let her join them as an agent instead (and _that_ had been a long arduous battle). It wasn't ideal, asking someone who had been experimented on all her life to use her powers as a weapon instead of letting her move on from her past, but it was better than watching her as the rest of the military took her away to be used as a lab rat.

Hayate won't risk that happening to Haruka, the only family he has left. He refuses to let Haruka fall into the hands of another greedy, exploitative group after all their efforts to free him from GREAT.

The only problem with that plan is that Haruka is presently with GREAT. As much as Hayate wants to dash there and save him, the soldier in him knows he has an innocent civilian he needs to protect. And she's not just any civilian, but Rin’s mother. The poor boy—who has become like another grandson to him—has already lost his father, and now his sister is in GREAT’s hands; he can't lose his mother too. 

Hence, when stuck between a rock and a hard place, Hayate resorts to rationalising things. Between Haruka and Miyako, Miyako is the more vulnerable one. Not only does she not have superpowers or any military training, but if he were to go now she'd be left all alone and defenseless. On the other hand, Haruka has his friends—who also have superpowers—with him, and one of them has actual fighting experience. The logical choice is to stay with Miyako and keep her safe. Above all, Hayate is a rational man—he had to be one as a former member of the special forces. 

But that's not to say he's just going to abandon Haruka and the others. No, he has a plan.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings. Hayate gets up and opens the door to find Rei with a ragtag group of boys on the doorstep—a tall dark-haired boy, two more petite ones with white hair and orange hair respectively, and another tall one with pink hair. Gou is unconscious and being carried by the pink-haired boy.

The tall dark-haired boy steps to the front of the group. “Old man, you know where Rin is?” he demands with no preamble or greeting.

Hayate doesn't take offense; there are bigger things to worry about right now than manners. “I have a guess, but come inside first. It won't do him any good if you were to charge blindly into the facility.”

Though Hayate can tell the boy is reluctant by the way his eyebrows knit together and mouth pinches into an even deeper scowl, he obeys. Hayate steps aside to let them in, shuts the door behind them and leads them to the dining room where Miyako is still seated and cradling her mug.

Upon spotting Gou in the pink-haired boy’s arms, Miyako immediately flies to her feet. “Gou!” she cries out, rushing to her unconscious daughter. “Is she okay?”

“It’s a long story, but she's fine,” the pink-haired boy reassures her. He sets Gou down on a cushion and props her up against himself. “She's just exhausted.”

Miyako sinks back onto her cushion, clearly relieved. “Thank goodness. Thank you for taking care of her, Kisumi-kun, Sousuke-kun.”

The pink-haired boy—whom Hayate assumes is Kisumi—smiles charmingly at her while the dark-haired one—probably Sousuke—mutters, “I didn't do anything, really.”

Hayate needs to get down to business, so he manages to convince Miyako (with the help of Gou, who stirred awake at the sound of her mother’s voice) that he’ll make sure Rin gets back to Samezuka safe and sound, so she should return to her room and at least get some shut-eye if she can't fall asleep.

Once Miyako has agreed and headed upstairs, Hayate turns to Gou.

“How are the boys? Are they okay?”

“Apparently, they injected her with some amnesia-inducing serum, so she barely remembers what happened,” Kisumi answers in her stead, seeing as Gou is fighting to even stay awake. He hands Hayate a wrinkled receipt with messy handwriting scrawled on it. “She wrote down what had happened here before she forgot.”

Hayate quickly reads it—something about guns, fighting, drugging and blackmailing—and gets a good grasp of what's going on. Clearly, and true to his suspicions, GREAT has plans with those boys if they're just drugging them instead of outright killing them. That means Gou was just a pawn to bring those boys right to where GREAT wants them; she should be safe now, at least. Now all he needs to worry about is those boys who are still stuck in GREAT’s stronghold.

“Do you have a plan to rescue Rin and the others, old man?” Sousuke asks, impatience creeping into his tone. “You kept telling Rin’s mother that you're going to bring him back, so that means you have a plan, right?”

“Technically, yes,” Hayate says. “But I can't do it on my own. That's where you boys come in.”

“I've been saying this for the past hour, but what can _we_ do?” the small white-haired boy—White, Hayate decides to call him—pipes up. “Unlike Rin-senpai and Nanase-san and the rest, we’re just ordinary humans.”

“God, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that,” Kisumi groans. “Superpowers, seriously? Man, that Haru never tells me anything.”

Sousuke gives him a withering look. “That's probably because he knew you wouldn't have been able to keep your mouth shut.”

“I agree with Nitori-kun,” Rei says, bringing their attention back to the situation at hand. “We don't have superpowers, and I highly doubt we have sufficient time to learn how to use firearms. As much as I would like to rescue them, I am uncertain about what we can do to achieve that.”

“All of you are right,” Hayate says, starting to grow irritated. If these boys would just shut up and _listen_ to him, they probably would have rescued Haruka and the others by now. Kids these days. “You don't have superpowers or any combat training. But I can _give_ you powers. Telekinesis, specifically.”

The room falls so silent you could hear a pin drop. Everyone stares at him, eyes wide and jaws slack.

“No way, are you like Rin-senpai and the others?” the orange-haired boy—Orange—exclaims. 

Hayate shakes his head. “No, I'm different. The power I have is weak and limited to a one-time use.”

“And you're just gonna _give_ it to us?” Sousuke demands incredulously.

Hayate nods. A few weeks ago, he told Haruka that Chie had told him he would know when it was the right time to use his powers, but there was something else she’d said. 

_“These powers are a one-time use for you. There will be many occasions when you'll be tempted to use them to get out of a difficult situation, but don't. One day, you will need to share them with the powerless. I don't know when exactly, but you will know when the moment arrives.”_

And that moment has finally come, though Hayate had assumed that by ‘powerless’ she meant it metaphorically—like people who were weak or downtrodden by society—not people who _literally_ did not have any superpowers. 

Even so, a shadow of doubt flickers across his mind. Once he ‘shares’ his powers, they'll be gone for good. The source of the telekinesis was the Bond, but because Chie is dead it’s now severed; essentially, what he has now is all he will _ever_ have. And it’s poetic, isn't it? His act of using the little power he'd been given is to give them away to others who need it more—that's what Chie would say. 

Rationally, he knows it would be less dangerous for these boys if he didn't get them involved and instead went to GREAT’s hideout by himself, then used his combat experience and temporary superpowers to fight his way through.

But there must have been a reason why Chie had told him to give them away instead. Maybe it was her premonition, maybe it was just intuition—whatever it was, it saved their lives many times when they were in the special forces, as well as Haruka, Makoto, Rin and Nagisa six years ago. Just like he had done so before, he will trust her words again.

Hayate concentrates on the dormant power within him, calculating how much he has to spare. “I only have enough to split between four.”

“I’ll go,” Sousuke volunteers immediately. “That asshole can't just tie me up in our dorm while he goes and risks his life, thinking he can get away with it. I’ll go and knock some sense into him.”

“I will go too,” Rei says. “I refuse to just sit by and do nothing in this fight for my friends’ freedom and future.”

White and Orange’s hands shoot into the air. “We’ll go too!”

“Ehh, I never get the fun stuff,” Kisumi complains.

“You should rest, Kisumi,” Sousuke says gruffly. “You insisted on carrying Gou all the way from wherever the hell that facility was to this place, after all.”

“You stay here and make sure nothing happens to Gou and Miyako-san,” Hayate instructs. “Though I doubt GREAT would have anything to do with them now that they have what they want, keep an eye on things here. Contact the police only as a last resort.”

“Roger,” Kisumi says, saluting.

“Wait,” Sousuke says. He narrows his eyes. “You coming along too, old man?”

“Obviously,” Hayate says. “I'm not going to spend four inexperienced kids to fight against an organisation like GREAT on their own. I'm just giving you boys my powers so you stand a better chance of not dying instantly. Gather around here.”

Kisumi helps to move the semi-conscious Gou out of the way while the other four stand around Hayate. Rei and Sousuke wear matching steely expressions. White’s fists are trembling by his side, but his face is determined too. Orange just seems excited about the prospect of gaining superpowers, if the way he's grinning and can't seem to stand still is anything to go by.

Hayate closes his eyes and concentrates on the power in his core. It sears within him, setting his insides on fire, before bursting out in a majestic display of white light. It splits into four blinding beams and slams into each boy. They choke and stagger back against the wall as the white energy slowly seeps into their skin.

The searing feeling in Hayate’s core gradually recedes, until he is left with nothing. The white glow surrounding the boys soon fades away too. Dazed, they stare down at themselves, at each other, then at Hayate. 

“If only there were theory books about how to use telekinesis, then this would be much easier,” Rei remarks. “How do we activate our powers, Hayate-san?”

Hayate shrugs. He's never used those powers before, after all; he only knew that a searing sensation in his core indicated that his powers were being activated, from what Haruka had told him.

Sousuke is staring intently at Kisumi for some reason, which is soon explained when Kisumi suddenly goes flying into the air. He yelps and waves his arms helplessly, but Sousuke ignores him in favour of addressing Rei instead.

“You kinda just look at the thing you want to move and think _‘Move’_ intensely,” Sousuke explains, gesturing in Kisumi’s direction. “There should be this weird burning sensation in your abdominal area—that’s the telekinesis being activated.” 

“So this is what Haruka-senpai and the others have to go through in order to use their superpowers,” Rei murmurs to himself, though whether in awe or horror, Hayate isn't sure.

“Hey, this is cool and all, but I'm starting to get dizzy,” Kisumi calls, flapping his arms. “Can you please put me down, Sousuke?”

“Sure.”

Kisumi goes abruptly crashing to the floor. He groans, makes a feeble attempt to get up, before flopping back down in defeat. “Maybe a little gentler next time.”

“There won't be a next time,” Hayate says. “These powers are just temporary, so make good use of them.”

“Then we should get going,” Sousuke says grimly. “Do we know where they are?”

Hayate eyes the wrinkled receipt. That girl is incredible—while weakened, fighting amnesia and likely traumatised from everything she had gone through, she still managed to retain enough information to help them _and_ write it down before she forgot what it was. Those Matsuoka siblings really are not to be trifled with.

“We do.”

* * *

Haru’s gut plummets to his feet when a pair of guards shove Nagisa and Rin into the room. Nagisa is unconscious and being dragged along by his hair, while Rin is awake but his movements are sluggish and his hands raised in the air. His fangs have receded back to normal teeth, and his gun is nowhere to be found.

“Rin, Nagisa?” Makoto exclaims. “What happened?”

“They drugged us,” Rin groans. “Nagisa first, then me.”

Haru surveys them. Nagisa was exuding a healing aura to heal them repeatedly during the earlier fight without having to touch them. That must have expended most, if not all, of his energy, making his body weaker to tranquilising drugs. As for Rin, he's probably hanging on to his consciousness through sheer stubbornness.

“In exchange for letting the girl go, you all have to stand down,” the guard behind Rin says. “We injected her with amnesia-inducing serum as well as location trackers. We know where she is. If you don't surrender, we’ll hurt her and she won't even know why.”

Haru rounds on Rin. “Was this your idea?”

“Don't blame me for every single thing that goes wrong,” Rin snaps. “Trust me, if I could, I would've killed every member of GREAT in this building already.”

Haru considers his options. Even if Nagisa and Rin can't fight, he and Makoto still have their superstrength and durability. Granted, they've spent most of their energy fighting off guards after guards. All the guards that were sent after them are now unconscious on the floor, though the both of them are so drained they can't maintain their powers anymore. Haru is left with nothing but his ordinary human strength; likewise, his scales have receded back into soft, fragile human skin. But if he really has to, he’ll force his powers to work, consequences be damned—

Something sharp sinks into the side of his neck. Haru chokes and crumples to his knees, only realising what just happened when Makoto collapses beside him too. A man in a white lab coat is standing behind him, holding a syringe filled with clear liquid.

Dark spots fill Haru’s vision, and his head spins. His body has gone so numb he barely feels a guard hauling him to his feet and dragging him down out of the room, down the corridor. He doesn't even see where the other guards are taking Makoto, Nagisa and Rin to.

The guard brings him to a small, dark room and cuffs his hands to a wall. If he was at full strength, he could easily break through the handcuffs like they were made of paper instead of metal, but right now his body feels about as strong as a limp noodle.

When the guard leaves, a different man enters. Although it’s dark and Haru is struggling to remain conscious, Haru’s heart almost stops when he realises he recognises the man's smirk. 

“Hello there, Haruka,” Jones says, his voice so sickeningly polite it makes Haru shudder. “Fancy seeing you here again, especially since we didn't get much of an opportunity to chat when you visited the headquarters in Sydney.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Haru manages to croak out. 

“Don't be rude. I just want to conduct a study now that I have you and your pals together in the same place. It won't take long, so be a good boy and wait patiently.”

Before Haru can tell him to go fuck himself again, Jones jabs another syringe into Haru’s neck. This time, his vision is wiped completely black.

Minutes or hours later, Haru regains consciousness—only to double over in pain. Everything hurts from the very core of his body, spreading like a forest fire to the ends of his toes and fingers. Similarly, his nerves are aflame. It feels like his skin is trying to tear itself off his body.

But more than that, there is an aching feeling of _nothingness_ permeating through him. Something in him has gone wrong or is missing, and its absence is the source of all his agony.

He screams—or, he _thinks_ he screams. For some reason, he can't hear himself or even feel his vocal cords straining. He can't see anything, either; the entire room is pitch black.

The others. Makoto, Nagisa, Rin. He needs to make sure they're okay and not suffering the same pain as he is. He couldn't care less if he's going to be tortured to death—what matters is that the few people he has ever cared about are alive and okay.

He gropes blindly in his mind for the familiar green, yellow and red glowing threads, reduced to a desperate child in pain and in need of something to hold on to.

But it turns out there is a flaw in that plan.

For the Bond is no longer there. It’s nowhere to be found.

It truly is nothing but darkness now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! please leave some feedback if you can—i'd love to hear what you think! :D
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	27. a bad feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And maybe, maybe this is how it all ends for him. Nanase Haruka lived a short, pathetic, tragic life filled with nothing but pain and fear, and ended up dying eighteen years young. No one will remember him, no one will care, and the world will keep on moving without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **chapter warnings:** graphic violence and depressive thoughts. lots of angst too. prepare for that.
> 
> god this was up later than i had intended. life happened, as it does: had a butt-ton of assignments due in the same week, had an exam to study for, and fell sick on top of that (just the common cold, thankfully). but it's all good now, so without further ado please enjoy this chapter!

When Makoto surfaces from the depths of unconsciousness, all he sees is a wide expanse of blue all around him. It’s dark, oppressive—and suffocating. He takes a cautious step back, only to stumble and nearly slip into the blue expanse. He catches himself in time, thankfully, but that doesn't stop his chest from seizing up with an all too familiar pang of paralysing fear. 

It’s the ocean. Why is the ocean here? And, more importantly, where is everyone else? 

Where is Haru?

On its own accord, Makoto’s hand stretches out to the side—only to close around nothing. He whips his head around to confirm with his own eyes that for some reason, Haru is not there by his side.

That's when everything comes flooding back to him in blurry, jumbled-up recollection. They were fighting against GREAT’s lackeys when they were injected with something that made his body suddenly feel a hundred times heavier than usual. In the haze of drowsiness, he dimly saw Haru, Rin, and Nagisa get dragged away before being hauled off himself. The world turned black before being filled with the oppressive blue of the ocean, the shade of blue he fears so terribly even up to this day.

The roar of crashing waves fills his ears. The smell of sea salt permeates the air like toxic gas, causing him to choke on his breath. Panic crawls up his throat the way vomit does. Can the others feel his fear? He can't feel anything from them, which he doesn't know is a good or bad thing.

Makoto tries to ignore the panicked seizing in his chest in favour of working things through in his mind, like a perfectly sane and rational person.

Thinking logically, it’s certainly unusual for him to feel absolutely _nothing_ from the others at all; for the past six years, the others’ emotions were white noise in the backdrop of his mind, as opposed to the eerie silence that fills the void now.

 _Well, as long as they're not scared or hurt, everything should be fine,_ he tries convincing himself.

A sharp pain pierces the side of his head, causing him to drop to his knees. He clutches his head and squeezes his eyes shut, as if that would block out the pain. The crashing of the waves surrounding him grows louder, until it’s overwhelming in volume. It’s too much for him to handle—too loud, too strong, too big. In the face of the ocean’s might, he has never felt this small before.

Gradually, the pain trickles away little by little. With trepidation, Makoto opens his eyes.

And for a second, he swears his heart freezes in his chest.

_No, no, no._

_This can't be._

_Why is Hayato here?_

There is no mistaking that head of curly pink hair and that tiny body being mercilessly tossed around in the ocean’s waves. Hayato thrashes, desperately clawing to the surface for air, only for the ocean’s overpowering grip to drag him back down again.

For a split second, Hayato’s head breaks the surface, just long enough for his shrill cry to reach Makoto across the miles of water separating them.

“COACH TACHIBANA! HELP—”

Makoto knows what he has to do. He remembers the mandatory life-saving lessons he had at Iwatobi SC. The ideal situation would be to throw a buoy to Hayato for him to catch and cling to so Makoto can bring him to the shore. But since there is nothing he can use as a buoy, what he should do is swim out, grab Hayate from under his arms, and haul him to safety. His mind remembers all the steps.

So why, _why_ isn't his body cooperating? It’s like when Rei was drowning in the sea during the training camp all over again. He should move and he should do it _now,_ yet he's paralysed to the spot. All he can do is watch the waves swallow Hayato’s small body up.

This time, he doesn't surface.

But the world—or whatever this place is supposed to be—doesn’t give Makoto time to process what just happened. Everything around him jerks then blurs into a horrifying abstract painting of blacks with splatters of dark blues and reds the same shade as blood, and it’s spinning so fast he nearly throws up.

When the world stabilises again, he spots a different person drowning.

Makoto wishes it was him. If it was him, at least he'd know there was nothing he could have done about it, and he could peacefully accept his own death.

But no, of course it has to be _Haru_ who is drowning this time.

None of this makes sense to Makoto. Why is _Haru,_ a prodigious freestyle swimmer and genetically-engineered mermaid, of all people drowning? Never in his craziest dreams would Makoto have thought to put ‘Haru’ and ‘drowning’ consecutively in the same sentence.

But the reality before his eyes is that the water is refusing to accept Haru. It lashes out at him like whips and wraps around his limbs like bindings, keeping him hostage as it tries to drag him down like it did with Hayato just moments ago.

A feeling of déjà vu nags insistently at Makoto. He's seen this before—his mind is sure of that. But where would he have seen Haru drown before? Haru has never drowned before, or suddenly lost the ability to swim— 

Then the answer hits him.

 _No way, is this Haru’s freestyle race at regionals?_ Makoto wonders, torn between incredulity and horror. _Is this what it was like? Was that why he gave up during that race?_

Even though his muscles feel like they've been replaced with lead, he musters the strength through force of will alone to raise his hands to his mouth and shout, “Haru! Don't resist the water! _‘Don't fight against the water, but instead accept its existence’._ That's what you're always saying, right? If there's anyone who can do it, it’s you! You're the most incredible swimmer I know!”

“You and your meddling bullshit again,” Haru snarls. Unlike Hayato, he doesn't thrash. Somehow, amidst the roiling waves, he remains still. He's not even treading water. It’s like the water is holding him up long enough for him to give Makoto his final words. “You're going to leave me for Tokyo anyway, aren't you? Then there's no need to fight so hard for me. It’s not like I'm really here anymore. Just let me drown.”

Makoto’s hands freeze around his mouth. “Haru, what… what are you talking about? I thought we talked about this already, after you returned from Australia. And—and we’re fighting to free you, remember? All of us are. Me, Rin, Nagisa—”

“All your lives will continue on with or without me,” Haru cuts off. His voice is dull and lifeless. “No one came for me eleven years ago when my life turned into a living hell. No one can save me now. I know you like to think you can, but the truth is that even you can't, Makoto.”

“But Haru…”

_No one even knew what was happening to you._

_And whose fault was that?_ another voice in Makoto’s head sneers. _You were with him all the time, every waking moment of every day. And it’s not just then when you were seven, but when you grew up too. Haru was suffering in silence for YEARS because he knew GREAT was going to take him away, while you lived cluelessly thinking he was already free. And you know what the worst part was? It wasn't like you didn't notice anything was wrong—you_ did, _but you didn't do a thing about it. You always want to take care of everyone and meddle in their affairs to satisfy your stupid saviour complex, but when it actually matters, you don't do a thing. It was the same when Rei was drowning, when Hayato was drowning, and now it’s happening again with Haru drowning._

Makoto doubles over, clutching his head so tightly it’s a wonder cracks haven't formed in his skull.

 _Stop,_ he wants to whimper—though at what, he doesn't know. 

He wants the water to stop torturing Haru. He wants Haru to stop thinking that no one loves him, because so many people do. Rin, Nagisa, their old middle school friends, Hayate, and Makoto himself. Even if he hasn't loved Haru the right way in all their years of knowing each other, even if he isn't good enough for Haru, he knows where his heart is. 

And perhaps most of all, he wants the voice to stop; the voice that is exposing his ugly, cowardly, and hypocritical side for all the world to see. For Haru to see.

“You always knew, didn't you?” Haru says with a twisted look of grim satisfaction on his face. “That you couldn't save me. On top of being meddlesome and hypocritical, you're _weak._ Just leave it, Makoto. I don't want _you_ to save me.”

Then, just like it did with Hayato, the water snatches Haru into its depths. Makoto can't see even a ripple of him left behind. Someone might as well have ripped a limb off him because it can't compare to the pain and horror filling him.

Without warning, apparitions of his friends manifest in front of him. They're not drowning, thankfully, but they also don't look the least bit friendly.

Kisumi is the first one. He's clutching a photograph of Hayato so hard it’s starting to crumple between his fingers. His hair is a disheveled mess, his eyes puffy and red.

“I trusted you, Makoto!” he screams. His voice is raw, and it cracks with betrayal and grief. “I trusted you with my baby brother—the _only_ brother I had. You were the one who taught him how to swim, weren't you, _Coach Tachibana?_ How could you just watch and let him drown to his death? I’ll never forgive you—in fact, I hate you with every fucking bone in my body. I wish you were the one who’d drowned instead.”

Kisumi vanishes in a gust of wind and is quickly replaced by shadows of Nagisa, Rin and Rei.

“Haru-chan _drowned?_ ” Nagisa exclaims. “How could that be?”

“All empirical evidence points to Makoto-senpai,” Rei says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “While not the direct perpetrator, he didn't do a thing to save Haruka-senpai. According to my calculations, he had a 1.3 percent chance of reaching Haruka-senpai, and a 0.05 percent chance of successfully saving him.”

Rin storms up to Makoto and slams him against—well, something hard. It feels like a brick wall, but Makoto doesn't know where one would have appeared, given that it’s nothing but open ocean all around him as far as he can see.

“How could you, Makoto?” Rin yells, shaking Makoto roughly. “Sure, the odds were slim, but it’s better than no chance at all! You're so full of crap. You act like you're Haru’s number one caretaker, yet you don't do jack-shit when it _really_ matters. Even if the odds were next to nothing, _I_ would have at least tried to save him. You're too much of a coward to do anything for him. It’s a wonder he’d stuck around you for so long—y’know, before you left him to drown. He saved you when _you_ drowned, so why couldn't you do the same for him?”

And, well, Makoto can't find any fault in Rin’s argument, because that is exactly what he thinks of himself—but because he was too much of a coward to face it, he needed Rin to put it into scathing but nonetheless true words for him.

Rin’s voice drops to a deadly whisper, which terrifies Makoto more than his shouting. “But it’s all good. Karma always comes around to balance the scales.”

Before Makoto can ask what he means, Rin steps back with his hands shoved in his pockets. He gives Makoto one last contemptuous look, then turns around to rejoin Nagisa and Rei.

“So what should we do about Mako-chan, Rin-chan?” Nagisa chirps.

“Just leave him be,” Rin growls. “He’ll meet his end soon enough.”

The apparitions of Rin, Nagisa and Rei flicker. Makoto doesn't realise why until water starts rushing into his mouth. He chokes and tries to scream, but all that leaves him is a stream of bubbles.

Helpless, he thrashes, but even that is proven useless when something impossibly smooth yet strong snakes around his arms and legs, holding him in place.

So it has finally happened, huh? After years of suffering with his phobia of the ocean and almost drowning once, he's finally experiencing his greatest fear.

But, well, just like Rin said, karma always comes around to balance the scales. He let Hayato and Haru drown before his eyes, so it’s only fair that he does too. His body goes still, letting the water take him. One last thought flits through his mind before the ocean swallows him up.

_I'm sorry, Haru._

* * *

It’s a small, dim and cold room. Faint fluorescent lights flicker overhead, just bright enough to illuminate the stacks of books on the desk in front of Nagisa. There are no windows or doors, nothing that could resemble an exit. There aren't even any walls as far as he can tell, yet he feels something powerful and oppressive pressing in on him from all sides. The only action this force permits him to do is stand up and walk in a straight, narrow line to the desk. 

He sits down. For a whole minute, he just sits there and stares helplessly at the stack of books in front of him.

What's going on? And, more importantly, where are his friends? Haru, Makoto and Rin—they were with him just moments ago, weren't they? Where have they gone too?

Confused, Nagisa reaches in his mind for the familiar blue, green and red Bonds, but all that greets him is nothingness.

Oh.

Somehow, he has been abandoned again. Just like how it was in middle school when Haru and Makoto quit swimming and Rin was all the way in Australia, he's all alone once more, and all he can see are textbooks and worksheets. 

Nagisa waits, but the truth quickly sinks in: he really is alone this time, wherever he is. With no other options present, he can't do much except pick up a pen and open a textbook. The words swim and blur together in his vision. He blinks and squints, then chides himself for it. He doesn't want to become a megane like Rei-chan, after all.

Rei-chan… Who is that again? He tightens his grip around his pen, thinking hard. That name is familiar, and he has a nagging feeling that it's important to him, so why…?

He shakes his head. Focus. If he doesn't do well for the upcoming test, his parents will rip into him again with all their talk about getting good grades and a good degree and a good job. He rubs his eyes to clear his vision and reads the page again.

_The upcoming test?_

Well, that's just it, isn't it? Life is just one long, miserable string of test after test after test. You clear one, then you'll have to start studying for the next one. You work hard in elementary school, and when you graduate you're immediately shunted off to middle school. After that, it’s all about high school entrance exams. You go to high school, and sooner or later you start worrying about university entrance exams. You head to university, suffer four soul-crushing years to get a degree, and then you have to worry about getting a job. If you're lucky, you get a job, which you'll spend the rest of your life slaving away at because you need the money so you and your family can survive. Before you know it, you're old and then you're dead.

Looking at things like this, Nagisa realises how little room there is left for any actual fun in his life. The real world—it’s all about chasing the next test, the next piece of paper, the next certificate.

What's the point in trying? Your life is over before you even get a chance to enjoy it.

He went through a similar phase several months ago, but at least he had Haru, Makoto, Rin, and Rei to pull him through it. Now, he's all alone in this bizarre void that doesn't allow any movement other than sitting at this desk and studying.

Dull, haunting emptiness seeps through his skin into his bones. He doesn't want to keep living like this, confined like a dog on a leash to this never-ending cycle for the rest of his life.

And, most of all, he doesn't want to be alone anymore.

But what can he do in this tiny space? He doesn't know where his friends are; he can't even feel anything from them. Were they ever there? Or did he somehow delude himself into thinking they existed and that life was fun—that life could _ever_ be fun?

Everyone ends up leaving, anyway. When Nagisa was a kid, he was naive enough to think he, Haru-chan, Mako-chan and Rin-chan were gonna be together forever and ever.

But everyone leaves; they always do. And it’s not like he doesn't understand—he does. He gets that everyone has their own things they want or have to do and not everyone wants to be around him all the time.

But all he’s ever really wanted, more than strawberry-flavoured sweets or Iwatobi-chan dolls, is to be wanted enough to not be left behind.

The pen slips through his numb fingers and tumbles to the floor. If it breaks or even makes a sound, Nagisa doesn't know—it vanished the moment it left his sight.

* * *

The scoreboard flashes before Rin’s eyes, like a fleeting mirage coming and going as it pleases but never stopping long enough for him to catch hold of it.

_6th place: Matsuoka Rin_

It always says the same thing—fourth place, fifth place, sixth place, even last place on some occasions. No matter how hard he trains, no matter how late he stays after official training hours to continue practising on his own, nothing changes. In order to even get a shot at swimming at the international level, first he needs to beat the base time at the All-Japan Invitational Qualifiers. He never comes close; he's always either just a few seconds short or miles away from having his fingertips so much as brush the base time.

Cursing under his breath, Rin rips his goggles off, hurls it to the floor, and storms to the locker room. It’s like when he first went to Australia and could never keep up with his taller and stronger teammates. Or when he returned to Japan, desperate to prove to himself that at least all the humiliation he had suffered had been worth something, only to lose to Haru for the umpteenth time.

But it’s different now, because _now_ Haru is nowhere to be found. All the swimmers in every single one of the 100-meter freestyle heats are unfamiliar faces. Even in the 100-meter butterfly category, there isn't one face he can smirk at and say, “Better watch your back, ‘cause you don't wanna get bitten.”

Sousuke isn't here. He _hasn't_ been there ever since their final race together in their third year of high school. The damage to his shoulder—there was nothing that could be done about it. And up to this day, Rin still wants to curse the universe’s cruel sense of humour, because the irony of wanting to grab hold of his dreams being the precise cause of Sousuke being unable to do just that is far too depressing to bear.

Deep down, Rin knows why he hasn't been progressing: because both of his greatest rivals aren't here with him anymore. Sousuke can no longer swim, and Haru…

Who knows what the fuck GREAT is making Haru do right now? It’s been years since Rin and the rest stormed GREAT’s facility on the deserted outskirts of Iwatobi. He still remembers Haru’s battle against GREAT—and how badly Haru lost. All the others could do was watch helplessly, stripped of their powers, as GREAT dragged Haru away into their facility.

Rin hasn't seen Haru since then. 

A missing person’s case was filed for Haru. But after a few months of searching the police gave up and declared him legally dead, since they couldn't find his body. None of them—Rin, Nagisa, Makoto or Hayate—said a word about GREAT. They couldn't, because GREAT had their hands tied behind their backs with the bombs planted not just inside them but inside Haru too, to ensure their silence.

Haru’s disappearance changed the orbit of the whole world, at least in Rin’s eyes. The trauma affected Makoto so badly he stopped going to school for the rest of the school year, and so he had to repeat his senior year. Nagisa and Rei broke up, because Nagisa couldn't move on from losing Haru and that threatened to tear their relationship apart. Rei offered to remain Nagisa’s friend, but Nagisa must have said something to him because now they don't talk anymore. That's all Rin knows about his old friends; he hasn't spoken to them ever since Haru’s ‘funeral’.

The Bond has remained severed after their capture by GREAT, which might be the best for Nagisa and Makoto. If the Bond had remained a faint but constant glow in the back of their minds, they might never heal and move on. Even now, Rin has no idea if they have truly moved on. If they _have,_ he doesn't know how he'd react. On one hand, he understands. To them, Haru being in the hands of GREAT is as good as him being dead, since they don't even have a chance of seeing him anymore.

But on the other hand, he can't forgive anyone who gives up so easily, especially on Haru.

Speaking of giving up, Hayate didn't cope well with the loss of his grandson. Rin thought Hayate would continue leading the charge against GREAT, but soon after Haru’s ‘funeral’ was Hayate’s actual funeral—the old man died from alcohol poisoning. 

That night, Rin lost a grandfather.

As for Gou, she doesn't remember anything, and Rin has made sure it stayed that way. For the most part, she's living a normal life, studying to be a physical trainer in a university in Tokyo. She hangs out with her friends on weekends, goes on dates with her boyfriend (whom Rin has grudgingly given his blessing to), and regularly writes to him.

But sometimes, she gets nightmares of being held hostage in a dark, dilapidated building. She claims those nightmares felt like it had actually happened in another life. Rin can never bear to tell her the truth—that it did happen, and it didn't have a happily ever after.

And as for Sousuke…

Years ago, when Sousuke first confessed his feelings to Rin, Rin promised him that if he saved Haru they could pursue a relationship together. He said it wasn't fair to Sousuke to claim he could commit to a serious relationship—and a serious relationship had always been his intention, because he doesn't believe in doing things in halves—when he was so preoccupied with trying to free Haru from GREAT. Well, he didn't lay it out in those exact terms since he couldn't tell Sousuke the truth at that time, but the sentiment was the same, and Sousuke accepted it.

Rin had never once considered failure to be an option, because he never intends to fail at anything he puts his mind to.

But that was what happened. Even after years of fighting, he still failed to keep his promise of freeing Haru. And now, Haru is gone, whisked away by GREAT like they had planned all along.

So if he couldn't keep that one promise to Haru, who was he kidding if he claimed he could keep any promise made to Sousuke? After the loss of Haru had nearly wrecked him, he couldn't bear the thought of inevitably destroying anything he could have with Sousuke. It was clear that he’s destined to lose anything and everything he tried to hold close to himself.

Sousuke always accommodated everything he wanted. He respected Rin’s wishes and has stayed out of his life ever since. Rin hasn't so much as caught a glimpse of him in the past three years.

Rin knows the reason why his dream of reaching the international stage seems so far out of reach despite all his best efforts: he can't move on. He refuses to accept the fact that GREAT had won so easily. Maybe he's the only one from his former circle of friends who still thinks there is a shot at saving Haru; maybe he's the only one who thinks Haru is still alive at all, but he doesn't care. He knows Haru is out there somewhere—all he has to do is find him.

He should've done it a long time ago, so he finally does it now. He takes a hiatus from competitive swimming, because he's going to need all the time and energy he has to track Haru down and free him for good. This time, he's going to be serious about this.

He doesn't know how much time has passed outside his apartment. In the hours, days, weeks he has spent holed up inside, he ignores the texts and calls he gets from his family in favour of hacking GREAT’s systems to try and find out anything he can about Haru. He uses his savings to pay off rent, and more often than not he forgets to eat. Well, it works out—it saves him rent money, anyway.

It’s near impossible to keep track of Haru, though, since he keeps moving all over the goddamn globe. On missions, probably. The very thought makes Rin sick to his stomach. Or it might be the lack of proper meals—who knows?

The thing about trying to hack GREAT is that every minute he spends trying to break through all their firewalls and security, they're coming up with counter-measures to shut him out. It’s a constant battle to ward off their bugs while trying to get his hands on any intel about Haru he can get. On top of that, their mission reports take weeks to be written, let alone entered into their system—so Rin could be reading a report about a mission Haru did in China that actually happened a month ago, while he could be anywhere from Turkey to Singapore to Nigeria in the present moment. But no matter how impossible saving him seems, Rin can't give up.

Gradually, Rin loses all sense of time. All he knows is that he hasn't left his apartment in ages. He doesn't even know when was the last time he moved from his spot at his desk, or the last time he saw something that wasn't lines of code on a computer screen. If his stomach is rumbling for food, he doesn't notice it. If his throat is parched for water, he doesn't realise. And if his body is literally breaking down—well, it doesn't matter. He stays at his desk, his eyes constantly scanning the screen and his hands fixed to his keyboard.

Until a voice he hasn't heard in a painfully long time speaks behind him.

“Rin, you look terrible.”

Instantly, Rin flies out of his seat—or he tries to, but his body is so pathetically weak that he ends up collapsing to the floor.

“Rin!”

Rin doesn't dare to believe this. Haru… Haru is here. He’s in Rin’s apartment, and now he’s beside Rin, propping him up on the floor.

Through sheer force of willpower and nothing else, Rin grabs the front of Haru’s shirt. “What are you doing here?” he rasps, his throat threatening to tear apart from the effort of speaking.

“Came to see you. Rin, what the hell _happened_ to you?”

“I've been trying to save you. Everyone else may have given up, but not me. I told you, didn't I? I wouldn't stop fighting for you until you're free.”

“Listen.” Haru’s hand closes around Rin’s, pulling it away from his shirt. “You have to stop this. GREAT knows you're hacking them. The only reason why they haven't killed you yet is because of me. I promised them I'd get you to stop. I've performed well on missions, so they gave me one chance to talk to you.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Rin hisses. “If we’re together, we can take them down. We’ll destroy GREAT, free you, and then you can do whatever you want with the rest of your life. We can swim together again, just like we did when we were kids. Nagisa, Rei, _Makoto_ —they’d be over the fucking _moon_ to have you back. It’d be getting the old band back together again, like when we were younger—”

“ _Rin._ Stop it. It’s okay—you don't have to fight anymore.”

Rin stares at him, incredulous. “What do you mean it’s _okay?_ You're still trapped at GREAT, aren't you?”

“It’s fine. I've gotten used to life there. They have a pool. They let me swim in it if I've done a good job on my missions.”

“And you—you’re just _fine_ with that?” Rin snarls, his other hand flying to seize Haru’s collar. “What about the rest of us here who you'd left behind? Do you know how everything has fallen to fucking shambles ever since GREAT took you away? Don't you want to see your old teammates again? Don't you want to see _Makoto_ again? Or pay your respects to your grandfather?”

Haru stiffens, and Rin knows he hit a nerve. However, instead of lashing out like he was expecting and actually hoping he would, Haru pauses, as if carefully considering something. “I think you should move on,” he says slowly. “Everyone else already has.”

Rin’s heart plummets to his gut. “Wh—what do you mean? How do you—”

“Before I came here, I checked on everyone else from afar. Makoto was having dinner with Kisumi and Asahi—old middle school teammate—at a café in Tokyo. Rei was on a date with his girlfriend, and Nagisa looked like he was having fun at a gay bar. All of them looked fine. It’s just you, Rin. I'm fine where I am, and the others are okay where they are. So stop destroying yourself for my sake.”

Absolute betrayal floods Rin’s senses. So he was right—the others really don't give a shit anymore. Tears leak out of his eyes before he realises they're even there. “How can you say that?” he demands, nearly tearing Haru’s collar off in his rage. “No, not even that—how can the _others_ continue living like nothing happened? Is it that they don't care anymore? Am I the only one who still gives a fuck about what happens to you?”

“No,” Haru says quietly but firmly. “You're the only one who can't accept reality and move on. The others—they know there's nothing they can do about GREAT. All of you tried, but it didn't work, so they accepted it and moved on. You need to do that too.”

Rin shakes his head. “No. A promise is a promise, even if I'm the only one still keeping it. I don't know how the others can live with the knowledge that you're stuck doing GREAT’s every bidding, but I can't. I _won't._ I won't stop, Haru. Have I made myself clear?”

Haru’s expression is unreadable. He lets go of Rin’s hand, which flops weakly to the ground. He stands up, looming over Rin who's still sprawled on the floor. “Are you sure? GREAT will kill you, you know. And after all the trouble you’ve caused them, it won't be a quick death like getting blown up from the inside-out. They'll torture you till you don't have any strength left to beg for mercy, and then they'll stretch out your death to last for days. I've watched them do it before. They _will_ do that to you if you don't stop.”

“They can try,” Rin says fiercely. “At least I would die knowing I did my best.”

For a second, they remain where they are in silence: Rin staring up at Haru, burning with defiance, and Haru gazing down still with that deliberately blank expression. Without the Bond, Rin has no idea what Haru is feeling.

What happens next goes by so fast Rin has no idea what's happening. All he knows is that something is crushing his chest from the inside-out, and Haru is right in front of him, glowing bright blue and _far too close_. Rin’s mind whites out with pain as he chokes and gasps for air.

“I'm sorry, Rin,” Haru whispers, his voice right beside Rin’s ear. “But if GREAT gets their hands on you, it’d be even worse. At least this way, your suffering will end soon.”

Rin can't even croak out a reply. Crushing, mind-numbing agony continues flaring out from his chest to the rest of his body, and he wishes he could scream if only to have an outlet for the pain. Black spots dance like dust motes in his vision.

Haru pulls away, and his hand is soaked in blood. Rin thinks he catches a glimmer of tears in Haru’s eyes, but with his consciousness fading in and out he can't be sure.

Haru takes several steps back, then turns around. He looks like he's about to leave, but he pauses in his tracks and turns back to take one last glance at Rin.

“I don't think I ever said this… but thank you, Rin. For everything.”

Haru’s outline retreats, and Rin doesn't know who leaves first: Haru or himself.

* * *

All things considered, it is remarkably easy for Rei, Hayate and the others (otherwise known as the B-team by Momotarou, who thinks it’s really cool that they're on a rescue mission like spies in a movie) to break into GREAT’s facility. As it turns out, the place where GREAT is currently holding Haruka, Makoto, Rin and Nagisa hostage is conveniently in the same place where they were first experimenting on Haruka years ago. Fortunately for their party, Hayate has excellent memory. With Rei, Sousuke, Momotarou, and Nitori’s new temporary telekinesis, GREAT’s guards are rendered useless—their guns end up levitated out of their hold and flung to the ground before they even get a chance to fire. 

And let Rei just say that even in Hayate’s old age, he has not lost his edge when it comes to firing his own shots. After incapacitating the guards that were sent out to greet them, he storms to them and lifts one off the ground with more strength than Rei would have expected from him.

“Where is my grandson?” Hayate snarls, who looks ready to put a bullet through the guard’s head if he so much as breathes strangely. “Where are his friends?”

“We can't say—” the guard begins weakly, but Hayate cuts him off.

“Shut it.” He loads his handgun and presses it to the guard’s temple. The look in his eyes is dark and murderous—Rei is reminded that this man has seen horrors and bloodshed in actual wars and lived to tell the tale. “You have a family, don't you? You have a family that's depending on you right now to make sure they have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs, don't you? Then spit it out. You have thirty seconds before I decide I don't have the patience to deal with you anymore.”

“Even if you say that—”

“Thirty.” Hayate’s tone chills Rei to the bone. “I wonder what your kids are up to. Are they wondering when daddy is coming home?”

“Fine!” the guard cries out, the fear of god itself etched all over his face. “They're in separate labs in the center of the building, first floor.”

“What's happening to them?”

“All I know is that the scientists are making them hallucinate shit and think their psychic Bond thing is gone. They're drugged and trapped inside their own minds. The scientists probably want to see how psychological trauma can affect the Bond or something—I don't know! That's all I know, I swear!”

“One last thing,” Hayate says. “The second set of bombs inside them—where are they, and how do I get rid of them?”

The guard’s expression shifts from terror to confusion. “Second set of bombs? I only knew about the first set, which was removed about a month ago. I swear, I swear on my family’s lives that I'm telling the truth! I really don't know anything about a second set of bombs!”

“Fine. Thanks for telling me the truth.” Hayate releases the guard and turns to the boys. “You heard him. They're inside, but be careful. They're not in their right state of mind, so they could hurt you. Use your powers sparingly. How much do you still have?”

Rei tests his out. He concentrates on a fallen gun, pours all of his energy into the hooking sensation in his gut, and manages to lift it several inches off the ground. “It has not worn out yet, though I have a feeling I have enough for just a few more uses,” he reports.

Sousuke, Momotarou and Nitori nod in agreement.

Hayate nods. “Then make good use of them. Listen, we have an unknown number of enemies and not a lot of time, if it’s true that those boys have bombs stuck inside them. I’ll find a way to shut down those bombs from the main system, and you boys go find Haruka and the others. Since their Bond is being studied by the scientists, the labs they're being kept in shouldn't be too far from each other as the Bond is dependent on their proximity from each other. Stick together until you find where those labs are, then split up to take one of them and get the hell out of here. Do whatever you have to to eliminate anyone in your way, but once you've found them, focus on getting them out safely and nothing else.”

“Yes sir!” Momotarou says, saluting sharply.

“Also, remember that no matter what anyone says, the Bond is _not_ broken,” Hayate adds. “My theory is that the only thing that can break the Bond is mutual hatred, since it was formed with the power of love and all that cheesy movie crap. But it’s never actually happened before. Rin tried it and it didn't work. So keep that in mind when you see them. Are we clear?”

Rei nods. If the situation weren't so severe with actual life and death hanging in the balance, he might have saluted just like Momotarou did.

“Good. Then get going, and step on it.”

* * *

Even GREAT has a limited supply of goons they can send out against people who break into their base, which Hayate doesn't consider a surprise. After all, there’s no way Haruka, Rin, Makoto and Nagisa went down without raising hell for GREAT first. Those kids, he's proud of them.

That's why he's more or less unobstructed in his journey to find the control room, which he guesses is at the highest floor in the run-down facility. The stairs creak under him—much like how his joints do with the effort of climbing several flights of steps—and he carefully side-steps shards of broken glass. He keeps his defenses up, though. While it is possible that GREAT has actually run out of lackeys to send to deter him, he wouldn't put it past them to be leading him to a trap.

Hayate arrives at the topmost floor. It’s silent except for the low hum of generators in the background, and empty save for the narrow hallway with a line of doors on one side. There's not another person in sight, but he doesn't discount the possibility that they're merely hiding and watching him.

As quietly as he can, he creeps down the hallway and stops outside a door with an ID card scanner in place of a traditional keyhole. He swipes the card across the scanner, then pushes the door open.

There is no one in the room, though the lights and computers are still switched on. Papers and coffee mugs are strewn across the floor, as though the occupants had gotten up in a hurry. He's going to have to work fast.

Hayate only manages one step forward when the back of his neck prickles with a warning he knows very well. Instinctively, he cocks his gun and whirls around.

A man rounds the corner with his own gun raised. Hayate vaguely recognises him as one of the head scientists from his frequent break-ins at GREAT’s main stronghold in Sydney. Jones, if he's not mistaken.

“What do you want?” Hayate asks. His hold on his gun doesn't waver.

Jones smiles at him with a false affableness. “ _You_ break into _my_ office and have the nerve to ask me what _I_ want? No, let’s talk about you first. You want something that will save your grandson and his chums downstairs, don't you? And before you ask—yes, I remember you. You were the man who single-handedly chased what was left of the Japanese branch of my organisation out of Japan six years ago. And even if I didn't remember you, the resemblance between you and Haruka is uncanny.”

“Don't you dare speak my grandson’s name,” Hayate spits. “I’ll kill you, but not before I get what I came here for. I know about the second set of bombs you planted in those boys. I want to know where they are and how to disable them.”

Jones pauses, as if considering his options. He closes the door behind him. “Put your gun down first, then I’ll talk. I’ll put mine down too, so we’re even.”

Hayate is not an idiot. He has survived wars and internal spats in the military—he knew something like this might happen, so he has several other weapons concealed in his jacket pockets, as well as pills hidden behind his teeth to counteract any possible poisons. “Fine. But if you try to pull some shit with me, rest assured I know at least twenty different ways of killing someone with nothing but my bare hands.”

“I wouldn't have expected anything less of you. We’ll put our guns down together at the count of three. No funny moves, old man.”

Hayate bristles at the use of Rin’s nickname for him. “What are we, elementary school kids?”

Jones merely smiles. “Necessary precautions are necessary.”

Jones counts, and both men bend down to place their guns down on the floor in sync, then step back. Hayate may not have his gun anymore, but he still has wits about him. He's determined not to let this man responsible for Haruka’s suffering pull one over him.

“Well?” Hayate says impatiently. “What's the deal with the bombs?”

A smirk curls on Jones’ lips. Before Hayate can wonder what on earth the bastard could be smirking about, Jones lunges forward. If Hayate were still in his prime, he could have easily dodged and slit Jones’ throat open without breaking a sweat. He even has a knife in his jacket pocket in case things took a turn for the worse like this. But as it is, his old joints refuse to cooperate; all he can physically do is stand there, bones too stiff to move, as something thin and sharp pierces his neck.

Hayate’s body suddenly grows a hundred times heavier, until he doesn't have the strength to hold himself up anymore. Groaning, he collapses into a chair, not strong enough to even lift a finger. 

Dammit, _dammit._ He should've seen this coming. How many years of experience does he have in the battlefield again? Not that it matters, because he was so blinded by his rage and worry that it completely slipped his mind that Jones might have _also_ had other weapons on him, and not to mention a body stronger and faster than his feeble old one.

“Sorry, old man,” Jones says, sounding not in the slightest bit apologetic. “But if you want the truth, you'll have to sit down quietly and be obedient.”

“Then why not just kill me?” Hayate rasps. “Might be more convenient for you.”

“Perhaps I will later. But I still have not forgotten how you humiliated the Japanese branch of GREAT—the branch I was in charge of—six years ago, so don't blame me if I want you to suffer a bit before you die.”

Hayate rolls his eyes. “You think I haven't been tortured before? Nothing you do will be able to get more than maybe a tiny wince out of me. The Kempeitai did terrible things during the Second World War—I witnessed some of it firsthand. In comparison, you're just some punk try-hard kid.”

“I know that,” Jones says, still calm and composed. “That's why I have all these monitors and cameras set up all around the base.”

A bad feeling nags at Hayate. “So?”

“So those boys you've sent to rescue Haruka and his friends? They don't know what's about to hit all of them, and you're gonna watch it all unfold live.”

* * *

As for Haru? He sees nothing. Even the word ‘darkness’ wouldn't be able to properly encapsulate what he's surrounded by. And he feels absolutely nothing—well, nothing but pain, that is. He's floating in this abyss of nothingness, not sure if he's even existing or if this is what death feels like: suffering all alone without anyone to hear him scream. He can't even hear himself.

And maybe, maybe this is how it all ends for him. Nanase Haruka lived a short, pathetic, tragic life filled with nothing but pain and fear, and ended up dying eighteen years young. No one will remember him, no one will care, and the world will keep on moving without him.

But somehow, against all odds, a voice breaks through the void.

“Haruka-senpai, Haruka-senpai!”

Who…? That voice sounds vaguely familiar, like Haru might have heard it at least once in his short miserable existence, but he can't place a name to it.

“It’s me!” the voice cries out. It’s distant, like they're shouting from the top of the well while Haru is stuck at the bottom, but it’s _there._ There's something else that exists besides for Haru himself in this void. “It’s Rei from Iwatobi High School’s Swim Club! Haruka-senpai, can you hear me?”

Swim club? Rei? Hazy recollection begins to surface—and then all at once, images start to bombard Haru. Images of different faces, pools, changing rooms, rooftops, and the ocean whirl around his head. Each image surfaces before being replaced by another in such rapid succession that he doesn't know what to focus on. There are many things he wants to ask that lone voice, but all that falls from his lips is a faint whisper.

“The Bond…”

“Yes, Haruka-senpai, you still have the Bond, don't you?” this disembodied voice named Rei calls. “Use it as an anchor to beat the hallucinations. I know you can do it!”

Those words drive an invisible knife straight through Haru’s chest. He can't—it’s not there anymore. Those glowing Bonds have deserted him just like how everyone and everything else has. “Can't… broken. Gone.”

“It’s not real! Whatever you're seeing—it’s not real. The Bond still exists! It’s only broken by _mutual hatred!_ ”

“Mutual… hatred?”

“Yes, so as long as _you_ still love them then the Bond will remain intact! Makoto-senpai, Nagisa-kun, and Rin-san—you love them, don't you? In fact, the reason why you didn't want them involved with GREAT was because you cared for them, because you loved them. 

“And they feel the same about you!” the voice continues, stunning Haru. “Nagisa-kun admires and respects you immensely, so much so that when he ran away from home, you were the first one he turned to. He even told me that years ago when all of you were swimming together at Iwatobi SC, he would run with you to the SC—and even though you said you'd leave him behind if he failed to keep up, you still slowed down for him when he was lagging behind.”

Images of blond hair and a wide toothy grin swirl around Haru’s mind. He remembers the small blond kid who bragged to Rin about being the best breastroke swimmer in his age group at the SC, and begged to be allowed on the relay team. He remembers the same kid flinging himself into Haru’s arms after they won a race together, and how he somehow compelled Haru to return the embrace. Or, well, at least put a hand on the kid’s head. Up to now, he has no idea what made him want to do that, but all he knows is that there's something special in that kid he wants to protect.

Then he reunited with that mouthy blond kid in high school, who suggested starting a swim club—and Haru probably won't ever admit it, but that swim club was what gave him the will to actually live and enjoy what he thought was the rest of his normal life, instead of just trying to make it to the next day. Those two years in the swim club were the best two years of Haru’s life, and it’s all thanks to Nagisa.

“And Rin-san,” the voice continues. “He has spent the past six years fighting non-stop for your freedom. He went to Sydney and fought GREAT over and over again at grave risk to himself. When he returned to Japan, he tried to break the Bond in a misguided but well-intended attempt to save you. Even now, wherever he is, I know he's fighting hard for you.”

Oh, Rin. Haru definitely remembers the stupid transfer guy who has made it his life’s mission to pester Haru—first about joining the relay team, then about fighting against GREAT. How on earth did he manage to form something resembling a friendship with that asshole, anyway? He can't stand it when people try to rock his peaceful boat in serene waters, but Rin is a force that he has learned the hard way is unstoppable.

But even so, all his machinations and scheming and pestering did give Haru a chance at having what he really wanted all along: an opportunity to swim with his friends. And swimming with Rin—it makes Haru _want_ to continue swimming. Somehow, Rin lights a fire under him and paves the way for him, and Haru wants to continue swimming with him. 

“And as for Makoto-senpai… I don't know if all the words in my vocabulary are able to properly encapsulate how dear you are to him. Do you even see the way he looks at you, Haruka-senpai? To him, you hung the moon and stars in his sky. Your bond with him transcends anything beyond ordinary romance or friendship—it’s something I bet even the Bond can't fully capture.”

A different sensation creeps over Haru: warmth. Just hearing that name makes him feel like he's nestled up in a _kotatsu_ at home on a winter night—with Makoto. Makoto has become a presence so intertwined with Haru’s life, he can't separate the moments with and without him—because there aren't any. His first memory is of swimming in a pond with Makoto near the neighbourhood shrine. The last thing he remembers is Makoto fighting a bunch of evil scientists along his side. Even when they're apart like right now, his body immediately recalls the feeling of Makoto’s hand holding his, all over him, his mouth against Haru’s. His beginning, his end, his everything—that’s Makoto, weaving a perfect seamless pattern through his heart, body and soul. He would probably rather die than actually say it out loud, but for the life of him he can't recall a single instance when he didn't love the gentle but all-encompassing force that is Makoto.

“So even if you don't see or feel it now,” the voice continues, “I know the Bond is somewhere inside you. And I promise you, it _will_ return to you. But first, Makoto-senpai, Nagisa-kun and Rin-san are still being held captive.”

And just like that, Haru is instantaneously catapulted through the empty abyss, flying with nothing but sheer force of will propelling him, until his head breaches an invisible surface. He blinks, disoriented, as he takes in the sight of a dishevelled but otherwise unharmed Rei in front of him.

“Rei?” Haru asks blankly. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to rescue you, obviously!” Rei exclaims. He's standing right over Haru, and Haru would flinch from the proximity if it weren't for the bindings strapping his entire body to the hard medical bed underneath him.

Haru stares up at Rei, feeling like someone stuffed his head with cotton. He's sure Rei is speaking Japanese, yet not a single word registers in his mind. “What? ‘We’?”

“Sousuke-san, Nitori-kun, Momotarou-kun, and I came to rescue all of you. Your grandfather is here too—he’s working on a way to disable the second set of bombs.”

“But why?” Haru asks, baffled. “It’s dangerous. What were you thinking, coming here by yourselves? Besides, this doesn't concern you or the guys from Samezuka. This is between me and GREAT—”

“How can you think this doesn't concern me?” Rei demands, sounding genuinely stung. “It’s not just the four of you anymore. I'm on your team, aren't I? I became a part of this when I joined the swim club. I can't exactly say that infiltrating the facility of an evil organisation was what I had signed up for, but I don't regret a thing.”

Haru falls silent. As much as he thinks it’s an immensely stupid idea for Rei and the others to show up at GREAT’s doorstep, a part of him is nonetheless grateful that they did. If not, he fears he might have been stuck in that hallucination for ever.

“Thanks, Rei,” he says quietly.

Rei smiles. “I'm just doing what a teammate would do. Now—” He eyes the bindings holding Haru down. “—let us do something about this.”

“I can—” Haru tries lurching his body upwards to rip through the bindings, but all that rips is a wheeze of air through his lungs. Are these made of fucking iron or something? They don't allow him to budge even a fraction of an inch. “… I can't. Rei, get me water.”

“There is none here, and we don't have time to look.” Rei pushes his glasses up his nose, a sign that he's performing some speedy calculations in his head. “Even though there is only enough for one last use, I can use my telekinesis to free you.”

“Your what now?”

To demonstrate, Rei hovers a hand over Haru’s bindings. His hand lights up with a faint white glow, as do the bindings. With a flick of his wrist, the leather straps are torn off Haru and tossed to the floor. Huh. That ability would have come in useful in many situations, Haru thinks, somewhat peeved that the scientists didn't give _him_ telekinesis. It seems like a far more useful ability than the Bond.

Shakily, Haru sits up. He twists around to crack his back, a relieved sigh escaping him with a satisfying pop of stiff joints. Now that he's free (at least in the immediate sense), he tunes in to the Bond.

Or, he tries to, but where the Bond once was is now dull buzzing static. He frowns.

“What's wrong?” Rei asks.

“The Bond,” Haru state in what he hopes is a neutral tone, even as distress claws at his chest. He's only had the stupid Bond for six out of eighteen years of his life, yet it feels like he's just lost a limb. “If it was just a hallucination, why can't I feel the Bond?”

“It could be a lingering after-effect of the hallucinations. But even if you cannot feel it right now, I'm sure it is still there. Perhaps it’s just temporarily dormant and will return later.”

Haru sure hopes so. It’s funny to think that when the Bond first became a thing, he thought it was the biggest inconvenience to ever occur to him (after being born). But now he can't imagine a life where he can't feel Makoto, Rin and Nagisa’s emotions humming pleasantly like white noise in the back of his mind. And if Rei is wrong and the Bond really is gone for good… the thought terrifies him more than the idea of GREAT whisking him away from everything he knows and loves. 

“Where did the telekinesis come from?” Haru asks, gesturing to the fallen leather bindings.

Rei glances nervously at the door. “I promise I will explain everything to you later, but we should go, Haruka-senpai. The others should be rescued by now, so we need to get out of here before—”

“Before you leave, I have some news for you.”

Haru’s head snaps up to see Jones saunter into the room. A pair of handcuffs dangle from his closed palm, which probably means nothing good.

Rei steps in front of Haruka. “What do you mean by ‘news’?” he asks frostily. “Who are you?”

“The head scientist in charge of Haruka, though that position is a fragile one given the catastrophe that happened six years ago,” Jones says, leaning against the doorway. “That's not important, though. As for the piece of news I have for you, Haruka—well, there are two. The first one is that we have your grandfather upstairs.”

Anger bursts in Haruka, and the familiar tingling of scales forming just under the surface of his skin is back. At least the drugs didn't have any effect on his actual powers. “What did you do to him?” he growls.

“He's still alive, if that's what you're worried about. In fact, all things considered, he's probably in the safest place anyone can be in this building. He’ll be watching everything unfold from a special VIP seat.”

“Everything?” Haru repeats skeptically. Well, it figures. He should've guessed there’s no way GREAT would let him—or any of them, for that matter—leave without a fight.

Jones nods with mock seriousness. “Which brings me to my next point. You do realise there are security cameras set up in every corner of this place, right? Well, if you didn't, you do now. Point is, the rest of your friends and their rescue squad have their hands a little _tied_ at the moment, if you catch my drift. But don't worry, they're alive. For now, anyway.”

Haru narrows his eyes. “So if I want them to walk out of here safe and sound, I’ll have to fulfill some kind of ultimatum. What is it?”

Instead of answering, Jones beckons to him like a master to his dog. “If you'll follow me—there’s someone I want you to meet. Ah, but first.” He turns to Rei and holds up the handcuffs. “For security purposes, you see. You aren't a threat since you've probably exhausted your stock of telekinesis, but I always believe it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

Rei clenches his fists so hard his knuckles are starting to turn white. “If you think Haruka-senpai and I will just comply with you—”

“Rei,” Haru says sharply. “Just do it. I won't let you stay in those cuffs for long, promise.” _Because I protect what's mine._

Rei bites his lip, but he relents. He holds his hands up, and Jones snaps the cuffs around his wrists. Once making sure Rei is properly secured, Jones beckons to them again to follow him. Reluctantly, they trail behind him.

Jones leads them down the eerily empty corridors with nothing but security cameras watching them like birds of prey. Haru wonders if Hayate can see him now. He hopes he's okay, at least. But if GREAT somehow managed to subdue his war veteran grandfather, he can't let his guard down. Whatever ridiculous ultimatum GREAT throws at him, he has to be prepared for it.

Jones swipes his card across a scanner and slides a door open, revealing a large expanse of sandy shores and the oppressive blackness of the sea on the other side. The moon hangs in a thin crescent over them. This must be the back exit of the facility, then, because Haru didn't see any sea or shores when he and the others had first arrived here.

He steps through the doorway and blinks, letting his vision adjust to the darkness. When it finally does, he zeroes in on several figures on the sand.

Makoto, Nagisa, Rin, Sousuke, Nitori, and Momotarou. All of them have their hands bound behind their backs. They're kneeling on the sand with a line of guards standing behind them and holding guns. The rage that floods through Haru nearly triggers a transformation, but he manages—though barely—to rein himself in. If he loses control, his friends’ lives can be extinguished with the pull of a trigger, and he won't risk that.

Jones prods Rei between the shoulders. “Go join them,” he orders.

Rei obeys, but not without shooting Jones a dirty look first. A guard accompanies him to where the rest are and makes him get down on his knees beside Nagisa. The guards must have said something about keeping quiet to them, because Nagisa doesn't say a word to him. His eyes are vacant, staring morosely at the sand under him. He has a bruise on his cheek but is otherwise unharmed. Likewise, Momotarou, Nitori, and Sousuke have managed to get by with just a few scrapes and bruises here and there. 

On the other hand, though, Rin looks like he was beaten to within an inch of his life before being dragged out here, but his eyes are still blazing with a ferocity unique to him. 

However, more alarmingly, Makoto has quite a fair number of welts and bruises all over his body. And what makes this alarming is that this _shouldn't_ be the case, because he shares Haru’s ability of invulnerability. If he manages to activate his scales, that is. So why didn't, or _couldn't_ , he? 

Not helping matters is that Haru is now left alone with Jones, the man who facilitated and oversaw his torture from when he was seven years old. Fear bubbles up in his chest, and cold sweat coats his palms. The thing is, he knows he can easily take Jones in a fight—after all, Jones is an ordinary human foolish enough to give Haru abilities that made him stronger than the average human.

What terrifies him is the fact that GREAT can _make_ him do anything they want, and he will obey all because of the second set of bombs in his friends.

However, instead of addressing him, Jones turns around and calls someone else in English. Even with Haru’s admittedly lacking aptitude at English, he can more or less guess what Jones is saying.

_“Albert, come over here. This is the other subject I wanted you to meet.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! if you liked this please leave some feedback! i'd love to know what you guys think :D
> 
> my [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	28. step into the daylight and let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's ears prickle. Something is calling out to him. It’s an old friend, but it isn't any of the humans he's surrounded by. Rather, it is something older, more primal; something he feels a connection with that goes beyond ordinary human understanding. That connection is something he can never put into words, but he knows the shape, sensation, and imprint of it like it’s a part of his soul.
> 
>  _The water is alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **chapter warning:** somewhat graphic violence, but it's pretty par for the course for this fic.
> 
> chapter title from ['daylight' by taylor swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9raS7-NisU). a truly beautiful song that fits everything haru and co. has gone through from the beginning till now :')

Haru freezes. Albert—why is that foreign-sounding name so familiar? He knows he must have heard it before, but from where and more importantly, why?

Across the stretch of the beach, his eyes meet Rin’s—and it clicks for him. Albert is the guy Rin was warning him about. Rin said…

What _did_ Rin say about him? Haru racks his brains desperately for any hint, for any sort of vague recollection.

Rin said Albert is also a genetically-engineered superhuman-mermaid from the Swedish branch of GREAT.

What else? There was something about him being the world record holder for several freestyle events because GREAT couldn't be assed to cover his actual living fees so they're making him live off sponsorships.

He also apparently has duplicates of Haru’s abilities, though whether he has a Bond or anything equivalent to it was never stated. He probably doesn't; the scientists had never intended to give Haru the ability to form the Bond, after all, so it figures it would be the same with Albert.

But one thing the note didn't say was how overpowering his actual presence is.

A foreign-looking man with white-blond hair and empty violet eyes marches up to Jones, directly in front of Haru. A shiver crawls down Haru’s spine when he realises Albert is at least as tall as Makoto, if not even taller and more muscular. His movements are swift and agile across the sand, looking less like he's walking and more like he's gliding.

Haru has a very, _very_ bad feeling about this.

“Haruka,” Jones says. “As you know, you will officially become an agent of GREAT next year, so think of this as an entrance test of sorts to assess your caliber. You'll be up against Albert here, who is from our Swedish branch. It’s just a friendly skirmish, so no need to go all out and exhaust yourself. The sea will be your battleground. Feel free to use any and all of the abilities at your disposal.”

Haru sighs. He doesn't want to be pitted against some random genetic experiment he just met, like two bulldogs in a fight, but he doesn't have much of a choice when his friends’ hands are literally tied. “What are the conditions?”

“If you win, all your friends and your grandfather will go back home unharmed. GREAT will not have any business with them; we won't even speak their names. However, if you lose, we’ll be taking in Makoto, Nagisa and Rin to refine their powers. Though they're rough around the edges, GREAT can probably make good use of what they have. And as for your ordinary human pals, we’ll have to silence them—can’t risk getting any word of us leaking to the public.”

Haru clenches his jaw. It _should_ sound easy enough—just defeat this foreign guy and his friends will be free to go—except the aura around this Albert guy is… otherworldly, for lack of a better word. His movements may be supple like water, but everything else about him seems horribly hollow. There is no expression on his face—it’s like he doesn't even have the ability to emote. When he isn't spoken to, he stands so still by the side that he could be mistaken for an extremely life-like statue. Just who _is_ he?

Jones, probably taking Haru’s silence as agreement, shoos him away like a master would to a pesky dog. “Whenever you're ready, head to the sea and begin your battle. I’ll be observing from here.” 

He repeats his instructions in English to Albert, who doesn't respond. Instead, he mechanically turns around and marches to the sea, taking his clothes off as he goes. Once the water is up to his hips, a bright silver glow envelopes him. Even from the distance, Haru can make out the dull silver scales that have replaced his skin, as well as the curve of a long powerful tail flicking in the water behind him.

Haru hasn't fully transformed in a long time, let alone fought another human that can also shapeshift into a mermaid at all, so he isn't exactly optimistic about his chances. But looking at his friends who are tied up and watching helplessly from the shore, he knows he doesn't have much of a say in this matter.

Although he feels like someone has tied sandbags to his legs, he forces himself to head to the ocean. The moment the water touches his body, power shoots through him from his core. Carefully, as his every move is being evaluated, he strips off his clothes and leaves them on the shoreline. 

Now bare in the water, Haru lets the power consume him. His core clenches painfully as it sends signals to the rest of his body. Hard ridges of blue scales emerge on his skin. The muscles, tendons and bones in his legs burn with the effort of rearranging themselves into a single long tail. How on earth did Albert bear his transformation with a stoic face? Just the pain of transforming alone makes Haru want to pass out.

With scales in place of skin, fangs in place of teeth, a mermaid tail where his legs once were, and gills on the side of his neck, Haru supposes he is as ready as he’ll ever be. Hesitantly, he swims out to Albert, unsure of how exactly to begin the battle. 

Albert answers his question for him.

In a blur of silver that's blinding against the darkness of the ocean, he lunges forward. Something sharp grazes Haru’s chest, and he only realises he's bleeding when he hears a chorus of “WATCH OUT, HARU” from the shore. 

_Real great warning, guys,_ he grumbles to himself. 

Dazed, Haru touches his chest. Blood gushes out against his fingertips and colours the water around him red. Just as quickly as the wound formed, though, it closes up. Good, at least he won't die if he's surrounded by the one thing that can heal him near-instantaneously. Hopefully.

He spins around and locates Albert several meters from him. He plunges underwater, desperate not to lose that silver figure. With a powerful flick of his tail, he propels himself forward to where Albert is, bubbles streaming past him in a blur.

Except Albert’s telltale silver glow abruptly vanishes from view. Haru whirls around, frantic to find him, when something hard and heavy slams against his back. Immediately, water rushes down his throat instead of his gills. He chokes, splutters and struggles to get even a breath of air as he claws to the surface. But just before his head can break through, Albert’s tail whips around and smacks into his gut. Something breaks inside him—maybe a rib or two. Haru doesn't know; the water heals hm too quickly for him to tell.

If it didn't earlier, it definitely dawns on Haru now that Albert _far_ outclasses him in terms of speed, strength, and durability. Albert is everywhere and nowhere at once, rushing in to strike Haru where he can't see and vanishing the moment Haru thinks he's finally got a hold on him.

While the water does patch up each injury he gets, Albert is attacking faster than the water can heal him. This only makes Haru even less optimistic of his chances of surviving this match, let alone winning. His mind feels like it’s about to be shredded apart from how overwhelmingly powerful this Albert guy is.

 _What the hell is he fighting me so seriously for?_ Haru gripes, because complaining about your circumstances is an effective coping mechanism for when you think you're about to be killed. _Jones said it’s just a skirmish and there was no need to go all-out. What the fuck gives?_

Whatever it is, Albert is fighting like his life is on the line. That means Haru has to, too, because for him, it’s his friends’ lives that are hanging in the balance.

But the question remains: how? He can't even get anywhere close to Albert, what with how ridiculously fast he is. With every ten meters a flick of Haru’s tail brings him, Albert has covered at least twice that distance and is already poised to strike. Every single one of their abilities are identical, but Albert’s is stronger. Haru had a taste of Albert’s fangs earlier as well as his inhuman strength when he crushed several bones in Haru’s tail during their one-sided tornado of a battle. 

What does Haru have that Albert doesn't? The question flickers feebly in his mind as Albert continues to surround him at every turn, lashing out at him with his fangs and claws and tails and everything he has that's better and stronger than Haru’s.

Slowly but surely, Haru feels his mind starting to spiral down a well, where hitting the bottom means certain death. It falls deeper and deeper with each new wound that rips his scales apart, with each bone that's crushed nearly to dust. Maybe it’d be easier and less painful if he just dies here.

But, like an idiot jumping down that well with no sense of self-preservation, Rin’s voice breaks through the void in Haru’s mind.

“HARU! USE THE BOND, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!”

 _Don't be ridiculous,_ Haru would snap if he had the strength to. _I can't feel it. Surely he knows that too. And he calls_ me _the fucking dumbass._

He has never felt more lost or hopeless, and this is _after_ the whole hallucination trip earlier. He's spent his whole life taking the Bond for granted, but now that he needs it it’s nowhere to be found. Why is it that he only realises how important things are to him when they're no longer with him?

Just then, Rei’s words to him in the lab flicker in his mind, a small voice that's somehow filled with conviction in the back of his head.

_Even if you don't see or feel it now, I know the Bond is somewhere inside you. And I promise you, it will return to you._

Haru musters just enough strength to sigh. His friends really love to project their warped perceptions and ridiculous expectations on him, thinking he's some kind of amazing out-of-the-world person.

But… has either of them ever been wrong when it came to him? Rin never lost faith that one day he would come around and start actively fighting for his freedom. Rei joined the swim club on some blind faith that he could learn to swim as freely as he believed Haru did. For whatever idiotic reason those two have concocted in their minds, their faith in him is unshakable.

And, well, after all the pain everyone went through for him, he has to at least _try_ to win.

His gut twinges, and his eyes widen. That almost felt like…

He reaches blindly into the void of buzzing static in his mind, hanging on to nothing but a thin flimsy hope that at least _some_ semblance of the Bond has survived. It _had_ to—that’s one thing he has never been more sure of. Nothing can completely destroy the Bond. Rin tried, and it only caused mere frays. The hallucinations tried convincing him of it, but that stupid, reckless and blind faith that sounds a lot like Rin’s voice in his head fought tooth and nail against it. It’s still there; Haru knows it is.

A sensation somehow both familiar and unfamiliar boils in his core. It builds up like a crescendo, burning him from the inside-out, before bursting out of him like a volcano eruption: bright, wild and uncontrollable.

Free. 

The world is suddenly filled with too many colours for Haru to identify every single one of them. They glow so brightly his eyes burn, but four colours in the center shine the brightest. They criss-cross in the void where there was once nothing but darkness and static, lighting it up in a familiar shower of blue, green, yellow, and red.

But a new, fifth colour joins the fray. Slowly, it tangles up with the other four, until all five colours have woven together.

Silver.

Haru jolts violently in the water when images he's sure he has never seen before bombard him.

A cold, sterile lab in a place that is definitely not Iwatobi. Scientists are dressed in their usual getup of white lab coats, except most of them don't look in the least bit Japanese, or even Asian. They speak English with an accent Haru doesn't recognise. He catches a face in the reflection of a mirror—a face that is half-covered with white-blond hair, through which a pair of dull violet eyes peek through.

And it hits Haru like a punch to the gut. Everything he's seeing—it must be _Albert’s past._

The image of the sterile lab shifts to a tiny cell. All it contains is a potty, sink and bed barely big enough to fit seven-year-old Haru. Albert curls up on it, drawing his knees up to his chest. A paper-thin blanket covers him from his knees to his chest.

Why was he in a cell? Even when Haru's parents started experimenting on him, he was never kept in a cell. In the mornings, he was brought to the lab. After all the tests had been conducted, his parents would bring him back home, where they would act like they hadn't been torturing him out of his mind just hours ago. Sometimes, if he'd been good, they would let him hang out with Makoto. 

Albert’s powers are a carbon copy of his, or his are a carbon copy of Albert’s, so why were Albert’s circumstances so vastly different from his?

As if to answer him, a whirlwind sweeps through the images. Now, Haru has a bird's eye view of a lab. The same scientists as before are working inside it, except now they look at least ten years younger. They're gathered around a table, excitedly gushing over… something. Haru’s view zooms in on what they are crowded around—and he very nearly throws up.

Can he even call it a baby? He isn't sure. A lumpy, gooey _something_ is lying on the table, under the gleaming eyes of the scientists. It has the same shape as a child, but what would be a child’s face is terrifyingly blank. There is nothing on the front or back of what should be its skull. The only hint that this thing is supposed to resemble a human at all is a small tuft of white blond hair on its head.

In a brief moment of lucidity, Haru sees a fully-grown Albert in the water in front of him. He's frozen in place, his eyes glazed over—and it all falls into place. Haru doesn't know how he feels about this. Pity for Albert? Envy? The only recognisable emotion coursing through him is something akin to sadness. 

Well, that would explain several things, like why Albert has to take part in swimming competitions to pay for a place to stay—because he’s never had a home before. Or, rather, the lab was his home, since it was where he was _literally created from scratch_. That would also explain the strange otherworldly aura Haru got from him. If anything, at least his intuition doesn't lie.

The images return in a flurry, and what ensues seems to be a montage reel of Albert’s whole life leading up to this moment—the experiments on him to make him a ‘proper’ human, followed by even more painful experiments on him that eventually resulted in his signature silver glow.

Haru watches as Albert is sent out on practice missions to test his skills, and then to swim practice with the Swedish national team. He doesn't even need to do try-outs, since the scientists had negotiated some kind of sketchy deal with the coaches. At practice, Albert swims in a lane far from the rest. He doesn't speak to them at all, and they don't make any attempt to talk to him, either. When practice is over, he leaves like he was never really there in the first place.

Even at swim competitions, he's all alone. No one speaks to him—not a fellow competitor, not even a reporter. People gaze at him and whisper among themselves from afar, but they hastily avert their stares when he comes closer. Just like Haru, they get a sense of bad news just from his aura. 

From the moment he was made in the lab to the present moment in the ocean, Albert has been alone with no friends or family to speak of. All he has is his powers and his place in GREAT, and he can be easily replaced if GREAT one day decides he isn't up to par anymore. That's why he was fighting Haru like his life was on the line—because it _is._

With that realisation, the vision shatters. Haru blinks to re-orientate himself. For some reason, he's lying on damp sand with Albert. All around them is the sea, yet there's an invisible wall keeping the water from encroaching on the patch of sand that he and Albert share.

Haru is still in his mermaid form. Experimentally, he flicks his tail and confirms that it still works. In fact, it doesn't just work, but for some reason it feels stronger than before.

And it’s not just his tail—it’s all of him. He feels stronger, more alive than he has ever been. His body, mind, and soul thrums with newfound energy.

Albert, on the other hand, is lying face-down on the sand. His scales have receded back into human skin, and his tail back into a pair of human legs. Feebly, he lifts his head. For a moment, there is a silver sheen on his skin, but it fades away as soon as it appeared.

Haru can feel it—Albert is holding on to the last frays of strength he has to stay alive, just like how Haru was moments ago when he thought he was about to die.

Albert says something in English that Haru doesn't understand, but from the emotion in his voice and the weakening of his life force, he takes a guess.

_“You've won. You beat me fair and square. Now you can kill me if you'd like. I deserve it.”_

Haru thinks he would probably be at least a little bit justified if he felt anger or hatred towards this Albert guy. After all, Albert was just inches away from killing him earlier. And even if he didn't, he was the thing standing between Haru, Haru’s friends and safety.

But Haru feels nothing but sadness for this total stranger who tried to kill him just moments ago.

Because Albert isn't the monster. GREAT is. All he was doing was trying to survive because this life was all he had—unlike Haru, who has had friends he can practically call family at this point.

Haru got into this fight because he wanted to save those friends, but perhaps there is room for one more person to be saved.

Once more, energy builds up in his body. This time, a silver beam shoots out of him and collides into Albert like a comet into the earth. Albert’s body goes stiff before his eyes glaze over, and he collapses into a catatonic state.

The energy continues coalescing and growing inside Haru. It fills him with an unfamiliar rush of power, more than what he is used to handling. It scorches him on both the inside and outside, yet he holds his ground amidst the invisible flames.

And just like that, something comes undone within him, like the snapping of unseen shackles inside him.

His eyes widen. If his intuition is to be trusted, then that means…

Experimentally, Haru directs the newfound energy to his tail. In the blink of an eye, it changes back into legs, which is possibly the fastest transformation he has ever had—and what's more, he doesn't even feel a twinge of pain. In fact, it feels like the most natural thing ever, to seamlessly shift from a mermaid back into a human. Even his scales receding back under the surface and the gills in his neck closing up don't burn his skin like he's used to it doing.

Through some sort of bizarre divine fuckery, the cap on his powers is officially gone, it seems. He doesn't care too much about the mechanics of his power, though. The more urgent matter at hand is all this newfound power he holds—it’s too much for him to handle. It rages inside him, demanding to be released or it _will_ tear him apart. The more he tries to stuff it back down, the more it fights back against him. The message is clear: it wants an outlet, and it wants it _now._

Dizzy from the rush, Haru manages to turn around and away from his friends. He wades into the water as far as his legs can take him before he all but collapses under all the power weighing him down. The water rises up to his neck, sending tingles all through him and coaxing the energy out.

And so he lets loose.

The effect is so instantaneous and devastating that all he can do is watch as the sea _detonates_ around him. The sound of invisible energy colliding into the sea, sending waves roiling and howling, rings like a bomb explosion. The water level rapidly drops from his neck to his knees, then to below his feet as it swoops up around him in a gigantic wall of black.

With his strength dropping rapidly from a thousand to almost nothing, Haru collapses onto the damp sand. He probably would have passed out if not for a strong arm catching him around his waist.

“Oi, we need to get out of here, stat!” 

Confused, Haru turns his head, only to see—what the hell?

“Rin, Makoto,” Haru breathes out, hardly daring to believe what he's seeing. “Everyone—how?”

His intuition tells him his eyes aren't lying. All seven of them—Makoto, Rin, Nagisa, Rei, Sousuke, Nitori and Momotarou—are standing around him like they weren't just handcuffed and forced to watch him nearly die just minutes ago. None of them have even a scratch on them, which Haru's intuition decides to attribute to Nagisa finding a way to work his healing powers on them under the cover of the chaos earlier.

“Superstrength, remember?” Makoto replies as he hoists Haru to his feet. “Sorry we didn't help you in your fight just now, though.”

“We couldn't do anything, anyway, with GREAT watching us,” Rin says. “We'd just make things worse if we tried to help. I was counting on you to pull something batshit crazy out of your ass to distract them long enough for us to break free.”

Haru sighs. How could Rin have been so sure Haru would turn into an explosive comet of a mermaid via some divine fuckery that he was willing to bet everyone’s lives on it? He’ll never understand how that brain works.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa rushes to Haru. With his hands glowing bright golden, he presses them to Haru’s chest. Instantly, strength seeps through Haru, enough for him to stand on his own.

However, the respite only lasts but a fleeting moment. A massive shadow looms over them, completely blocking out the faint light of the moon and stars above. Haru glances behind, and his gut plummets to the sand when he spots the gigantic tsunami wave that's charted its course right towards them. Of course, because that's just his fucking luck.

They need to get out of here _now_ —but the tsunami is far too close, practically on their heels. There's no place they can run to that's far enough before they get swept away by the sea’s rage. 

And to make things worse, Haru has four now-powerless ordinary humans with him. Haru and Makoto can share their invulnerability with Rin and Nagisa via the newly-reawakened Bond, but not with Rei, Sousuke, Nitori and Momotarou. Why the hell did those four idiots think it was a good idea to come, anyway?

_Unless…_

Haru still has a little strength in him, so he forces it to build up into something massive and explosive in his core. The moment it hits the point of no return, it bursts out of him in blinding iridescent waves. It slams into Rei, Sousuke, Nitori and Momotarou all at once. The impact is so powerful they collapse to their knees just as they start glowing a multitude of colours, far more than Haru knew even existed. 

At the same time, in the center of the Bond where blue, green, yellow, red and silver intersect, four more join the seamless, endless pattern.

Purple.

Teal.

White.

And orange.

New power rushes through Haru, causing actual sparks to fly when he lifts a finger. This time, when he glows, it’s not just blue. No, he is the physical manifestation of the Bond now, with all nine colours of the Bond emanating from him in burning beams like a kaleidoscopic supernova.

If forming a Bond with one person earlier caused him to detonate a portion of the sea and form a tsunami, he feels like he probably can easily swim all seven seas or drown an entire nation with the sheer amount of power flowing through him.

And unlike when he first formed a Bond with Albert, he feels perfectly in control of everything now. The power, which just minutes ago was a rampaging monster inside him demanding to be released, is now a tamed beast waiting for his command.

Haru's ears prickle. Something is calling out to him. It’s an old friend, but it isn't any of the humans he's surrounded by. Rather, it is something older, more primal; something he feels a connection with that goes beyond ordinary human understanding. That connection is something he can never put into words, but he knows the shape, sensation, and imprint of it like it’s a part of his soul.

 _The water is alive._

That is something he has known ever since he came into existence. It's a basic fact of life: the water is alive, and it's all around him. He can feel its tempest of fury like it's his own. It wants to crush, obliterate and burn. It wants to take everything for itself.

And it wants to lend Haru its power, because it recognises him as the only living being to be its equal.

But above all else, it recognises him as one of _its own,_ and the water protects what belongs to it. That's why tsunamis and storms exist, mighty forces of nature bristling with righteous and glorious rage to defend what is rightfully theirs.

In response, Haru holds up a hand. The tsunami halts in its tracks, rumbling deeply. He can feel its discontentment, but it obeys and quietly retreats back into its body. 

“Holy fucking _shit,_ Haru,” Rin whispers. His face, similar to everyone else’s, is ashen like he just watched his life dangle and nearly fall from the fingertips of a vengeful god. “How have you not combusted from how much power is inside you right now?”

Haru wonders too. Perhaps the scientists had anticipated he would one day, under their supervision, reach this level of power, and had engineered the durability to withstand it in him. Given the gobsmacked look on Jones’ face, though, he probably wasn't anticipating it would happen this soon.

Having seemingly gotten over the initial shock, a scheming gleam enters Rin’s ear. All casual-like, he slings an arm around Haru like he didn't just watch Haru literally halt a tsunami in its tracks, then turns to address the scientists.

“Yo, you know, this guy can _very_ easily blow up all your labs around the world,” he says, smirking wide enough to flex the knife-like sharpness of his teeth. “I would know, because I can feel it right now as I speak. What's more, I'm willing to bet that what I'm feeling through the Bond is just a puny fucking _fraction_ of the actual power that's inside him. He can do a number of things with all that power. He can swim to Australia right now and destroy your stronghold with just one snap of his fingers.”

Jones' eyes narrow into tiny slits. “Where exactly are you going with this?”

“Here's the kicker: you don't even have anything to control him,” Rin continues, like he didn't hear Jones or just doesn't give a damn. “The bombs you put inside me, Nagisa and Makoto all those years ago? We removed those a long time ago, as you probably already know. Plus, if you had any trackers or whatever inside him—well, that was a busted investment, ‘cause his newfound power probably fried that crap to a crisp.

“And you know what else I'm willing to bet? That there aren't even a second set of bombs inside us, so you can't use that against him, either.”

“Eh?” Makoto exclaims. “How can you be so sure?”

“Yes, that's what I'd like to know too,” Jones says testily. “There's quite a huge gap in your logic.”

“Okay, so,” Rin begins. His obnoxious tone reminds Haru, oddly, of that time six years ago when Rin was first explaining the Bond to them while they were trapped in that bizarre sub-dimension. “We had that first set of bombs that were built inside us when we broke into the lab six years ago, remember? You creepy scientists said it was for ‘insurance’ to make sure Haru obeyed your every word. But I bet you were sure you'd never have to _actually_ set them off ‘cause you were confident Haru would obey—and you were so confident ‘cause you knew how much he cared about us, as mushy as that sounds.”

Haru scowls, though his cheeks burn. “Don't flatter yourself, Rin.”

“Look, I'm serious. You scientists found out Haru’s powers were fueled not just by water but also by emotions. Point is, the bombs were just something GREAT had for the sake of having to hold over Haru’s head. You knew Haru was too scared of you to try to do anything about the bombs, so you knew you wouldn't have to actually go through with your threat.

“Which leads me to my next point,” Rin continues. Somehow, he still isn't out of breath, and that might just be one of the most impressive things Haru has seen today (though he’d rather die than tell Rin that). “Despite threatening our lives to insure Haru’s obedience, GREAT actually had an interest in studying me, Makoto and Nagisa. So while Haru’s obedience was the higher priority, you also wanted us alive so you could study our powers and the Bond—that’s the real reason why you lured us out here, isn't it? I don't know or really give a fuck about what you gathered from your stupid lab experiment earlier, but my point is this: we’re valuable to you as research subjects, and you wouldn't want to lose such precious resources, right? Coupled in with the fact you were confident that one set of bombs was enough to guarantee Haru’s obedience, why would there be a need for a second one?”

Sousuke immediately catches on. “Rin’s right. With nothing to use against Haru, it’s almost like GREAT has to do everything he wants or he’ll literally destroy you.”

Wait, he _actually_ can? Rei would probably say it’s “theoretically possible when one takes into account the fact that Haruka-senpai controlled an entire tsunami earlier”, but to use the powers GREAT had engineered in him _against GREAT themselves…_ can he do it for real? 

“Oi, Haru,” Rin snaps impatiently. “Get with the programme already. Back us up!”

“Hell yeah!” Momotarou cheers. “Flex your _cho_ cool powers, Harucchi-senpai! Show them who's boss!” 

Haru pauses to contemplate. He calls upon the water’s power, requesting that it lends him his strength once more. It complies with a pleased hum and forms into a giant middle finger pointed straight at Jones.

“And it’s not just Haru-chan with all the power,” Nagisa adds with a scheming gleam in his eyes. “Haru-chan’s power is our power too. Like, we can ‘borrow’ each other’s powers through the Bond.”

“That's right,” Rei says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I calculate that if everyone were to combine their powers—that is all eight, or technically, _nine_ —of us, we could easily destroy GREAT in one fell swoop.” 

“You sound awfully confident,” Jones sneers. “How can you be so sure that I won't just blow you up right here and now?”

“Because you can't. I verified it for myself.”

From the back exit, limping across the sand with a makeshift cane, Hayate appears. He's leaning heavily on his cane, but the blazing fury emitting from his entire being cuts an intimidating figure against the faint light from the facility behind him. 

“No way, really?” Rin exclaims, sounding obscenely delighted. “There's _actually_ no second set of bombs inside us?”

“Wait, so you were talking out of your ass the entire time just now?” Haru demands.

“Oh, shut up. I was right, wasn't I?”

“I combed through their system five times, and then threatened all the higher-ups inside just to make sure I covered all my bases,” Hayate cuts in briskly. “You can't ever be too thorough. This whole ‘second set of bombs’ nonsense was just an elaborate ruse to get you boys to walk right into their hands. Besides, if there really was a second set, don't you think a war veteran would have at least found it before it could escalate into a problem like this?”

“The drug I gave you was supposed to be strong enough to last twelve hours,” Jones says with an exasperated sigh, like Hayate is a child who didn't listen when he was told to stay in his room. “What are you doing here?”

Hayate arches an imperious brow. “Boy, you think I've never been drugged before? I’ll admit, you pulled one on me with that quick attack, but don't underestimate a war veteran’s experience.” As if to demonstrate, he spits a grey pill out of his mouth.

“Nanase-san, you had counter-drugs hidden behind your teeth the entire time?” Nitori exclaims incredulously. 

“No way, you mean you saw _that_ coming?” Momotarou chimes in.

“It always pays to be prepared for everything. So,” Hayate continues, eyeing Jones, “what's it going to be? I hacked your systems and downloaded any and all incriminating information on GREAT, enough to get all of you capital punishment twenty times over.”

Jones fumbles in a fleeting moment of weakness before hastily collecting himself again. “What about yourself? You could have exposed us a long time ago, but you didn't, because you didn't want to risk what the law enforcement might do to a monster like him.”

Rin makes to lunge forward, and it’s only with Sousuke and Makoto’s combined efforts that they manage to keep him from literally biting Jones’ head off (not that he doesn't deserve it, but still). “Monster? _Monster?_ ” he howls. “I’ll show _you_ a monster, you fucking son of a cunt!”

“It’s fine,” Haru interjects evenly. He honestly doesn't give a shit about what people who don't matter to him say about him. “Besides—” With a casual flick of his wrist, he forms a tsunami that stands at least thirty feet tall. “—this monster can wash away their main headquarters in Sydney.”

Jones’ shoulders slump. “Well, I know when I've been backed into a corner. It will probably take some time to convince the boss, but I'm confident in my persuasive abilities if nothing else, so you can consider us surrendered. What do you want?”

“Leave my friends alone,” Haru says immediately before anyone else can get a word in. “If you hurt them, or if you try to plant any more bombs in them, I _will_ destroy you.” He pauses and glances at Albert, who's still stuck in a catatonic state. “Tell your boss to shut down the entire organisation. Every branch around the world—shut everything down. Release all the superhumans you have.”

“We can't let them keep their money and assets, either,” Rin adds. “The old man can probably find a good use for them.”

“I know, I know!” Nagisa eagerly chimes in, bouncing up and down like an eager child. “How about a shelter for all the superhumans?”

Makoto’s eyes light up. “That's a good idea, Nagisa! That way, they'll have somewhere safe to stay.”

“Given how widespread GREAT is, we’re gonna need a whole bunch of those shelters around the world,” Sousuke points out.

Rin counts on his fingers. “Food, water, basic healthcare, and electricity are necessities, obviously. Education and entertainment too, plus therapy. Those kids must be traumatised after all the shit they've been through, so they're gonna need all the support they can get to one day integrate—or reintegrate back—into society.”

“How about beetles?” Momotarou pipes up with as much enthusiasm as Nagisa. “They can catch beetles and raise them and learn how to care for animals!”

“Now, Momo-kun,” Nitori says. “Not everyone is interested in beetles, but I do agree that raising pets can be beneficial to their psychological health.”

Rei pushes his glasses up thoughtfully. “It will not be cheap, but if my estimations are correct, the profits from all their past successful missions should be enough to cover the costs for several years. Optimistically, that will be enough time to find other sources of funding without having to make knowledge of superhumans public.”

“Or maybe there will be a revolution,” Nagisa says, practically sparkling with enthusiasm. “Maybe the existence of superhumans will become public knowledge, a revolution happens, and then they'll be accepted as part of society.”

“You sound awfully certain that the existence of superhumans will become public knowledge, Nagisa-kun,” Rei points out.

“It is, though,” Rin interjects. When everyone stares at him, alarmed and confused, he rolls his eyes and adds, “The urban legend of Japanese Flash. I have a feeling it’s more than just an urban legend.”

“What, that guy whose genetic sample I apparently have?” Haru says skeptically. 

“That's the one.” A smirk forms on Rin’s mouth. “The revolution has already begun—all we’re doing is postponing it so we can enjoy the remaining semblance of normalcy in our lives.”

Sousuke’s smile is soft as he watches Rin. “Ever the dramatic romanticist, aren't you?”

“Oh, shut your mouth.”

“Make me.”

“Now we just need a catchy name!” Nagisa says, saving them from having to bear any more witness Rin and Sousuke’s painfully-obvious unresolved sexual tension. 

“ _FREE,_ ” Haru states plainly. He leaves it at that—there’s no need for an explanation.

Makoto chuckles fondly. “That's so like you, Haru.”

“I like this idea of a shelter for superhumans, but first things first.” Hayate limps up to Jones, lifts his makeshift cane, and whacks him hard across the face with it. The cane breaks in half from the hit, but it's worth seeing Jones fall on his ass at Hayate’s feet. “As much as I think Haruka has every right to kill you, he doesn't deserve to have your filthy blood on his hands. It'll be on mine instead. But before I kill you, I'm going to make sure you make good on what you said earlier. Get up and get packing.”

Jones scrambles to his feet and nods, reduced to a foolish little boy following orders from an old man with a broken cane. Like lost sheep, Jones and the guards shuffle back into the facility, with Hayate barking orders at them all the way there.

Now left on the shore with just his friends, Haru releases a long breath. He feels like he was on some insane drug-like high and now all his systems are crashing. He's lightheaded, maybe even giddy, and he ends up slumping down onto the sand with his head in his hands.

“Haru!” Makoto cries out, kneeling down beside him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired,” Haru mumbles.

“No shit, man,” Rin says. “Everything tonight made my three years in Sydney look like a tea party in comparison.”

Nagisa tosses himself over Haru’s back and wraps his arms around Haru’s shoulders. “At least Haru-chan is free now! We got what we came here for, so we won!”

“Nagisa _is_ correct, right?” Makoto asks worriedly. “There's no, like, secret bomb or hidden ultimatum or sudden plot twist, right?”

“Nope, we got them good this time. After all—” Rin’s grin widens. “—Haru’s an unstoppable beast now.”

“Wait,” Haru says. “There's one more thing I need to do.”

He gets up, albeit somewhat shakily, and heads to where Albert seems to be frozen in time. He's still lying where Haru had left him, staring blankly at the sea. Haru waves a hand in front of his face, but he doesn't so much as twitch.

Haru focuses on the silver Bond—but now that he's not in the height of peril, he realises the Bond formed with Albert is flawed. The silver thread is not woven together with the other eight colours in a perfect seamless pattern; rather, the blue thread is knotted tightly but haphazardly around the lone silver thread. Huh, weird. Maybe that's how he ended up absorbing Albert’s powers instead of splicing his own powers into Albert like he did with his friends six years ago.

Another thing about the silver Bond is that it’s dull and dormant, kind of like how Rin’s was when he was in Australia, except taken to the eleventh degree—which doesn't make sense, since Albert is right there in front of Haru.

“You didn't fry his mind, did you?” Sousuke asks, essentially putting Haru’s fear into words. Haru sure hopes he didn't—that’d be too much responsibility for him to bear.

Hayate appears behind them. “He’ll be fine. I’ll get a scientist to take a look at him and restore him back to health.”

“What's gonna happen to him now, though?” The question leaves Haru before he even realises he's put it into words. “He doesn't have anywhere to return to.”

“I have some contacts in Sweden who owe me favours from back in the day. I’ll get them to work something out with him.”

Haru wonders if there's nothing his grandfather can't do or anyone who doesn't owe him some kind of favour. He's not complaining, though, seeing how convenient that makes things.

Hayate claps Haru on the shoulder. “Don't worry about it, kid,” he says gruffly. “Focus on yourself before you go around trying to save others. You have a lot to get used to now, don't you?”

Hayate is right. The four new Bonds in Haru’s mind are rather distracting and, not to mention, exhausting. It was troublesome enough as it was to get used to having Makoto, Nagisa and Rin’s emotions in his head all the time, and now he has to repeat the process all over again with four new people? What a pain.

Sheepishness emanates from the white Bond. “Sorry, Nanase-san,” Nitori says. “I'm not sure how to control this, to be honest.”

“You can't,” Rin answers. “The Bond is just something that's there. You can't really do anything about it, unless you wanna jack up on some crazy, hallucination-inducing drugs. The eight of us are in this together till death do us apart.”

“How did this happen, anyway?” Sousuke asks, frowning. “The Bond, I mean. Its mechanics made sense theoretically, until it _actually_ happened to me.”

“The power of love and all that crap—that’s my guess,” Rin speculates. “The first time it happened, Haru wanted to save us from those batshit crazy scientists. That's what led to the Bond.”

“I think the real source of Haru-chan’s powers was love all along,” Nagisa says in a singsong voice. “Every time he thinks something bad is gonna happen to one of us, you can always see scales about to form on his skin if you look _really_ carefully.”

Rei’s eyes widen. “The abstract concept of love being the miraculous driving force behind Haruka-senpai’s incredible powers? B— _beautiful._ ”

It’s so cheesy it could be something out of Rin’s favourite movies, but Haru supposes it makes sense. In every single instance he can recall when his powers were triggered even when there was no water nearby, it was to protect his friends. Well, that doesn't mean he has to admit it, though. 

“Ehh?” Momotarou exclaims as excitement buzzes from the orange Bond. “So we’re all in some shounen anime where the power of friendship saves everyone?”

Rin pauses to contemplate it, then shrugs. “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

The Bond is glowing so brightly with a flurry of different emotions from different people, it’s starting to give Haru a headache. This is so annoying—why does he keep bringing trouble upon himself?

“I'm going home,” he announces as he gets up. “I want mackerel.”

“Mackerel?!” Makoto exclaims. “It’s, like, nearly sunrise! You just spent at least six hours being tortured in that lab!”

“I have mackerel for breakfast all the time.”

Makoto sighs, though indulgence hums softly from his end of the Bond. “How can I forget—you're an early bird. Fine, fine, if you insist. We should all head home and get some rest.”

Nagisa detaches himself from Haru and wraps himself around Rei’s arm. He sleepily mumbles something about crashing at Rei’s place since it’s closer to the station. Rei rolls his eyes, but the affectionate smile tugging at his lips means he's probably going to indulge Nagisa’s whims.

Similarly, the Samezuka quartet start heading back where they came from, except Rin stops somewhere behind them.

“Sousuke, Momo, Ai,” he says. “You guys head back to Samezuka without me. I, uh…” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I should check on Gou and my mother.”

Sousuke looks like he has plenty of things he wants to tell Rin—and he probably does, if the conflicting storm of emotions in the teal Bond is any indicator—but he nods. “We’re gonna have to run damage control, anyway, so it’s best if you're not around for a while. Let’s just say things got a little… _chaotic_ on our floor while you weren't around.”

“What did you guys do?” Rin asks, a stricken look of panic on his face. “Oh my god, you guys broke something, didn't you? Don't tell me you got the whole team involved?”

Sousuke just smirks. “You'll see. Or maybe you won't, since we’ll run such good damage control.”

“Oi, you asshole! Tell me what you guys did!”

Like the good and obedient teammates they are, the three Samezuka guys hastily disperse alongside Rei and Nagisa to the train station. They practically leave little puffs of dust in their wake. 

The rest of them—which is basically just Haru, Makoto and Rin—trek the old sandy road back to the hill where Makoto and Haru stay. It was nearly an hour-long journey to get to the facility from the hill, and that was at full speed. But with daybreak just moments away, Haru wants to take it slow and just—for the first time in his life—enjoy being alive. Besides, it’s late enough in the morning that people won't think it’s too weird if three teenaged boys are strolling about in the streets. 

“Haru.”

Haru turns and spots Rin beside him with an uncharacteristically soft smile on his face. “What?”

Rin drapes an arm around Haru’s shoulders, and Haru isn't sure if it’s to hold him up or for Rin to support himself. “So. You're free now. Like, for real. We fought GREAT, defeated them, and now you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“Don't say it,” Haru warns with a sigh. “Rin, it’s too early in the morning for this.”

“I don't care, ‘cause I'm right. I told you so—all you needed to do was believe. Maybe this will teach you that you should always listen to me.”

Haru scowls. “Whatever.” 

But he pauses and thinks about everything that has happened in the past six years: the infiltration of the lab, the temporary illusion of freedom he had before GREAT promptly shattered it, the dull years in middle school that unbeknownst to him, Rin spent fighting tooth and nail for his freedom. Then Rin returned and tried a million different and varyingly misguided ways to save him. Haru complained and told him to fuck off every time, but there was one important thing he never told Rin.

“Thanks, Rin.”

Rin screeches to an abrupt halt in the middle of the empty street. Curious, Makoto turns around, and Haru gestures for him to go on ahead. Probably recognising they need some space, Makoto nods, waves them goodbye, and leaves.

Now, the street is completely deserted except for Rin and Haru—and it seems like Rin’s brain is completely deserted too, if the glazed-over look on his face is anything to go by.

“Rin?” Haru calls apprehensively. Good grief, don't tell him he broke Rin just by saying two words.

Rin runs a hand over his face, and his voice is choked up. “Asshole. You can't just spring that on me out of nowhere.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “Alternatively, you could just say ‘You're welcome’.”

“Whatever.” Rin leaves a light punch against Haru’s shoulder before carrying on ahead. Haru falls into step beside him, and their footsteps resound in perfect tandem on the sandy asphalt. “Don't just thank me with your words. You have your whole life ahead of you now, so don't waste it. Do whatever it takes to keep moving forward, ‘cause you know there's no freedom in standing still and watching as the world passes you by. Plus… even if they don't show it, everyone left that place with scars—don’t let those scars mean nothing.”

Haru doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to, because they both know Rin is right.

They continue down the streets of Iwatobi with neither of them exchanging a word. It’s odd to be spending time with Rin in silence, because he always has something or another to say. Haru usually finds this type of companionable silence with Makoto, but these few quiet moments are probably good for them; Rin no doubt has a lot to think about, and so does Haru.

Tomorrow and in the days that will follow, Haru will have a lot to deal with—the new Bond, his powers, and he still has to decide what exactly he wants to do after graduation. Somehow, even after everything he went through in the past few hours, coming up with a solid post-graduation plan will probably be the toughest thing he's had to deal with—largely because he’s never had to give much thought about what he would want to do after high school. 

But that's something for a future Haru to deal with. For now, he wants to have this—a moment of peace and quiet with a friend, enjoying for the first time in his life not feeling like everything in his short and sad existence is on the brink of falling apart.

Over the horizon in the distance, the sun starts to rise, casting warm amber rays over Haru and Rin’s figures. Emerging from the darkness of a bend in the road, Haru steps into the daylight and lets it all go, all his worries and fears and pain.

Because now, for the first time in his life, he really is free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this i'd love to hear your thoughts! this final arc was probably one of the hardest things i've ever written thus far, so i'd really appreciate some feedback :D
> 
> i can't believe we're nearly at the end! just the epilogue left and then we're done! thanks for sticking around and reading this! 
> 
> there's some commentary/explanations about some of the more abstract/confusing things in this chapter below if anyone's interested:
> 
> ###### haru forming the bond with albert:
> 
> i left the explanation out of the narration since haru's not the kind of character to really _think_ about this sort of things, so i put it here instead. if you recall, the Bond is formed out of love. in this case, the Bond with albert was formed simply because haru showed compassion and kindness to a stranger who tried to kill him. 
> 
> this is an idea that's always fascinated me, and i’ll always believe that showing love & kindness to someone you don't know—especially if they're someone who tried to hurt you—is one of the, if not THE, most selfless kind of love there is.
> 
> ###### the Bond with rei & samezuka, and haru remaining in control of his powers:
> 
> you might remember that when haru first formed the Bond with rin, makoto and nagisa in the prologue, he had no idea what he was doing; all he knew was that he wanted to save them. he wasn't in control of his powers afterwards. the same happened when he formed a Bond with albert. 
> 
> but he _was_ in control of his powers after forming a Bond with rei, momo, sousuke and nitori—because this time, he knew what he was doing. he _intentionally_ formed a Bond with them, that's why he was able to stay in control of his powers after that.
> 
> ###### haru's newfound water-bending powers:
> 
> you know how haru canonically says stuff like "the water is alive" and whatnot, right? well, i was thinking to myself: what if i took that _literally_? and the thing is, haru technically has had this power right from the very beginning, from the first moment he said the water's alive. but as it was suppressed by the cap on his powers, he could only get vague 'vibes' from the water. that's why, when he finally burst through the cap, he reached full power and was able to fully communicate with and 'control' the water.
> 
> and that's all! thanks once more for reading! find me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)


	29. rising free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter, a new beginning, a new path lies ahead of Haru. It’s one he has charted not on his own, but with the ones who have loved and supported him throughout the darkness of the past six years. The future—it’s scary and unknown, but it’s also irreversibly, irrevocably _his_. He's going to keep forging ahead, and the only time he’ll ever look back is to remind himself of how far he has gotten from where he'd first started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're finally at the epilogue. it's been a long, and at times painful, journey, but i'm glad we're finally here! please enjoy the final installment in _the greatest thing i ever did was believe_.
> 
> i highly recommend listening to these songs while reading this because they help to set the mood (most of them are free! theme & character songs lmao):
> 
> \- ['rising free' by STYLE FIVE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy2jAItNThE&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=8&t=0s), which was also what inspired the title of this epilogue
> 
> \- ['blue destination' by STYLE FIVE ft ikuya and asahi's seiyuus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfbSRlcnHdk&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=7&t=0s). i know this is the finale song for _dive to the future_ , and asahi and ikuya weren't really in this story, but i think it fits the mood better than the finale song for _eternal summer_. but that's just me.
> 
> \- ['neo blue breathing' by haru, makoto and rin's seiyuus.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1WRt3fWKXo&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=39&t=0s)
> 
> \- ['my base, your pace'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PQm-BTS_eE&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=40&t=0s) and ['always here'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKpV4W4_QYQ&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=41&t=0s), the makoharu duets.
> 
> \- ['gratefully', one of rin's character songs.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzV3Cxz-Eoc&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=34&t=0s)
> 
> \- ['ryusen no yukue'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHTH0COu7sI&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=20&t=0s) and ['sunshine season'](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo), makoto's character songs.
> 
> \- ['navy tomorrow'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWf2Y0kFX58&list=PLlBCSgDIKb6i8_X34-Ff-yObtS47E_hZo&index=11&t=0s), one of haru's character songs.
> 
> \- ['don't dream it's over' by crowded house](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20)
> 
> \- ['thank you' by miyano mamoru](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uACc8YzJUB8)
> 
> \- ['daylight' by taylor swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9raS7-NisU)
> 
> \- ['no place' by backstreet boys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OTZmyheI9k)
> 
> \- ['breathin' by ariana grande](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN0iD0pI3o0)

_Let’s meet again through the unfading bond in our hearts._

Life has a funny way of returning back to normal after one becomes a mermaid equivalent of a supernova explosion. Now that the threat with GREAT has passed—and for good this time—Gou and Miyako-san return back home, as does Kisumi (but only because Haru has him forcibly removed; he was making plans of having a sleepover and Haru was Not Having It). Hayate is busy with shutting GREAT down and sorting Albert’s life out, so more often than not Haru returns to an empty house. 

A large part of him is relieved to finally have all this space to himself, but a tiny part of him thinks perhaps the house is _too_ big now. Just a really tiny part, though, because sharing a house with only one bathroom (sans the master bedroom) with two women meant far shorter bath times for him, and that is something he's glad to have back now.

Surprisingly enough, having double the number of Bonds in his head now isn't too much of a change to get used to. He supposes it’s because Samezuka is in another city in the prefecture, so the distance between him and the Samezuka guys has dampened the Bond’s strength somewhat. Plus, having Rei’s emotions on near-constant blast in his head also isn't as overwhelming as he would've thought it'd be. Sometimes while grilling mackerel for dinner, he's suddenly bombarded by a particularly strong sense of starstruck awe, and his mind just goes, _Rei must be reading a research article or looking at some aesthetically-pleasing architecture on Pinterest._

And as for Albert’s Bond, it might as well be non-existent due to the sheer distance between Japan and Sweden. According to Hayate, Albert has zero memory of his life as a superhuman-mermaid thanks to the force of the Bond frying that specific part of his brain. Hayate has assured Haru it’s probably for the best that Albert doesn't remember anything, but he doesn't like the feeling of being responsible for literally frying someone’s brain. 

Thankfully, the rest of Albert’s brain wasn't affected. To the best of his own knowledge, he's just a world-class Olympic swimmer who holds the world record for the 100-meter and 200-meter freestyle events. Hayate’s contacts in Sweden are working hard to quietly rebuild Albert’s life and identity, as well as erase any trace of him being a superhuman-mermaid for hire. If anything, Albert might be the lucky one, Haru supposes.

The following Monday, Haru returns to school with Makoto, zones out during math class, and has lunch with Rei, Nagisa and Gou on the rooftop, all as per normal.

Lunch, too, goes by like lunches on the rooftop normally do—Nagisa launches into a rather enthused re-telling of how Rei did something silly “in the name of all the love and beauty in the world” in front of the class. Rei splutters and loudly attempts to refute Nagisa’s claims. Makoto chuckles. Gou rolls her eyes, and Haru thinks about swimming. If it weren't so cold, he would go for a swim right now. The cold doesn't bother him all that much, but Makoto would yank him out of the pool either via superior upper body strength or fishing net, whichever method is more readily available at the time. What a pain.

All in all, everything feels like how an ordinary Monday at school should go, until Gou shatters the illusion.

“Is everyone… okay?” she asks before ducking her head. Her bangs fall over her eyes, hiding her expression from them. It’s odd to see her with a stylish bob (her mother had helped to salvage what had remained of her choppy hacked-off hair) instead of her long swishy ponytail, but it frames her face nicely. It’s a cute look, aesthetically speaking.

“Ah, you mean about what happened with GREAT?” Nagisa says, though his blithe tone sounds more forced than usual.

Instantly, the entire rooftop darkens. Makoto grips his chopsticks so hard they almost break. A haunted look crosses Rei’s face. Haru stares at the half-eaten grilled mackerel in his bento, his appetite seeping out of him.

Gou hastily backtracks. “Oh, um, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to! Like, the GREAT stuff. It’s fine if you don't wanna talk about it. It’s just—I was worried.”

Something isn't adding up. Haru frowns. “You mean, you remember?”

“Yeah, in bits and pieces,” Gou admits. “It’s all a blur, really. But I remember enough to, y’know, be worried about you guys. I also made Onii-chan and Sousuke-kun tell me the details, and it didn't sound pretty.”

A palpable silence descends on the rooftop.

Are they all okay? Have they really _ever_ been okay, ever since the infiltration of the lab six years ago? For a fleeting moment, it felt like life had returned to normal—but what _is_ normal? Haru had been living with the threat of GREAT looming over his head like a ticking time bomb for so long, that in some weird sick way he doesn't know how to live _without_ it; he doesn't know how to live without the constant guilt from the past and the looming dread of the future. He wanted freedom—but now that he has it, he doesn't know how to live with it.

“The important part is that it’s over now, isn't it?”

Everyone’s heads snap up to stare at Nagisa, like they're witnessing the rising of a new sun after a ten-year long eclipse.

Nagisa takes a cheerful bite of his strawberry cream bread and continues with his mouth full, “I mean, it happened just a few days ago so obviously we’re not gonna be, like, okay-okay. But it’s also okay to not be okay-okay, ‘cause what happened was really scary.”

Makoto is the second to recover. “Nagisa has a point. Besides, nothing stays the same. I think… I think with time, things will be okay. Maybe not the same as before, but different. And better, for sure.”

“I agree with what Makoto-senpai and Nagisa-kun have proposed,” Rei chimes in. “After all, beautiful things don't happen without hardships. For instance, diamonds form about a hundred miles beneath earth amidst high amounts of pressure and heat. Just like how such unpleasant and certainly un-beautiful circumstances are able to form something as exquisite as a diamond, humans must also go through trying circumstances in order to become better, stronger and more beautiful versions of themselves! That is the only logical reason why we went through what we did that night: it was so we could—”

“So yeah!” Nagisa steamrolls right over the rest of Rei’s monologue. “We’ll be okay, Gou-chan, so don't worry about us!”

“I wasn't done speaking, Nagisa-kun!” Rei exclaims, shoving his glasses up his nose with great indignation. “Would you please refrain from interrupting my train of thought?”

“Ehh? But Rei-chan was being so long-winded and boring, I figured Gou-chan wouldn't want to hear the rest of it.”

“I MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT LONG-WINDED OR BORING.” Rei turns to Gou. “Was I, Gou-san?”

Gou glances between Nagisa and Rei before inching away from them. “I decline to comment.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” 

“It means Rei-chan was being boring!”

While Nagisa and Rei continue their typical couple’s bickering in the background, Haru shifts closer to Gou. Quietly, he asks, “What about you? Are you okay?”

He thinks he comes off as cool and disinterested. Probably. Even if a tiny part of him _has_ started seeing Gou as a younger sister after weeks of living together under extreme duress. He won't ever say it out loud, though. No one else needs to know.

Gou brushes her bangs out of her face, probably stalling for time to think. “I… I think so? I had maybe one nightmare last night about guns and superpowers, but I think I'm okay. The only thing is that Onii-chan can't seem to make up his mind about whether to be mad at me for pulling that stunt or be even more protective than usual,” she adds with a chuckle. “When we returned home, the first thing he did was chew me out for what I'd done, which was how the memories started to return. He stormed away in a huff, and I thought that was the end of the story and he wasn't gonna speak to me again, because he was really, _really_ pissed. But then he barged in again, like, five minutes later and demanded that I talk to him about what I'd been through.”

Yeah, that sounds about par for the course for Rin, Haru agrees. 

“I'm glad you're free, Haruka-senpai,” Gou says softly. “And just so you know—when I took that risk that night, I never thought for a moment that you guys would not succeed. I had all the faith in the world, and maybe some more.”

Haru stares at him mackerel, now contemplative. While he was the one who fought Albert in the sea, things probably wouldn't have gone the same way if Gou hadn't made the opportunity for them to sneak into GREAT and take them by surprise. The battle would have probably been much, _much_ shorter if it weren't for that surprise attack, which was only possible because she had _made_ it so.

“Thanks, Gou,” Haru says, just loud enough for her to hear.

She beams at him. “You're welcome.”

“But don't do that again.”

“Don't worry, I probably won't have to.” Gou hesitates. “As long as there aren't any more evil organisations coming after you, that is.”

Haru pauses to think. Yeah, probably. Besides, he now wields enough power to drown the entirety of Sydney, so either way he doesn't think any other organisation can be much of a threat to him anymore.

Maybe, after eleven years of thinking this day wouldn't come, he’ll really be okay. One day.

* * *

Rin makes sure to give his mother and sister a long, tight hug after reuniting with them in Haru’s home (and a manly bro-hug to Kisumi, as thanks for looking after his family while he was away). He came way too close for comfort to leaving behind the only family he had, and he's never going to take anything for granted ever again.

He doesn't return to Samezuka right away. How can he, when his mother nearly lost both her children in one night? So he crashes at Haru’s place until noon because he's dogshit tired, then helps his mother and Gou pack their things and return home.

Rin likes to think he did a good job of being a stern older brother looking out for his little sister when he told Gou off for being so stupid and reckless. If you asked him to recount what he said, he would carefully leave out the part where he started crying halfway and became so incoherent he had to excuse himself from her room. Neither will he admit that when he returned to resume his lecture, he took one look at her worried expression and instead pulled her into a fierce hug for at least ten minutes, terrified as he was of losing any more members of his tiny family. Nope, he had a clear and objective discussion with her about why she should not recklessly throw herself into the hands of evil high-tech organisations, especially when she does not have any special powers or fighting skills to defend herself with.

That's the easy part. The hard part is facing his _mother_ and finally telling her what had actually happened during his stay in Sydney. He really, _really_ doesn't want to, but after all the worry and grief he had put her through, he thinks she deserves an explanation. 

Once he's done talking, the living room is blanketed in silence. It’s not exactly an awkward or harsh silence, but it makes invisible ants crawl down his spine nonetheless. Gou isn't looking at the muscle magazine spread across her lap, and their mother fiddles with the T-shirt she was previously folding. Her face is a shade paler than usual, but it doesn't betray anything else. Even Steve the fat cat is looking at everywhere but Rin. Well, that stupid cat has never liked him anyway, so it figures.

Finally, after eons of silence, his mother speaks. 

“You really do take after your father, Rin.”

Rin blinks. Of all the things he was expecting her to say—ranging from yelling at him about what a reckless idiot he was, to crying about him keeping secrets from her for years—this was not it. “Huh?”

“He had a big heart,” she says, a small note of wistfulness in her voice. “He loved the people he loved deeply and fiercely. He would fight the entire world to protect one person. It was one of the many things I loved about him, even if sometimes it also made me worry about him loving too much or too deeply. I think he would be proud of you, but he would also tell you off for being reckless.”

“Well, I do deserve it.”

“Perhaps. If I had known when you were thirteen that you were doing this, I definitely would have ordered you to return home at once.”

Rin winces. “I'm sorry, Mom. The danger is over now—GREAT is gone. But I don't know if there are any other loonies out there who might go after Haru or the others. That's why I can't promise you that I won't do this again—because I will if I have to, for my friends.”

She’s silent for a moment, as if mulling something over in her head. Slowly, carefully, she speaks, “I know you're not a little boy anymore, Rin. You're a man now, so it’s no longer my place to tell you what you can and cannot do. That's why, whatever you do now, I expect you to do it with the maturity of a man your father and I can be proud of.

“But—” Her tone softens. “—even if you're not a little boy anymore, you'll always be my son, and I’ll always worry about you regardless of how old or big or accomplished you are. Your wellbeing is and always will be my number one priority.”

The unspoken question hangs in the air. Rin swallows down the burning lump in his throat before he thinks he can answer without blubbering like a baby. “I… it’s hard,” he whispers. “Some days, it feels like it never happened—all those crazy, near-death experiences, I mean. But some nights, the nightmares feel more real than reality. Or sometimes as I'm going about my day, I'd see or hear something completely innocuous, and it’s like I'm back in that place. It’s like for every step I take, I take another two backwards. I hate it. I hate feeling like I can't move on, like I'm going mad or something. 

“And… I think I'm feeling all the wrong things.” Just voicing it makes him feel sick—because he _is_ sick. He's sick, gross and twisted; no doubt a product of all the shit he's gone through the past six years. “I should be relieved now that we've gotten rid of GREAT for good and Haru is free. I mean, that's what I've been fighting for ever since I was twelve, right? So why… why do I still feel like I have to keep looking over my shoulder, like there's always some kind of danger lurking around somewhere? Is it ‘cause I've gotten so used to living with danger looming over me that I don't know how to live without it? Am I… am I broken, Mom?”

His mother places a hand on his, and he does a small double-take. Has her hand always been that small? Years ago, his mother was one of the tallest, biggest, strongest people in his world, up there with his dad. And there are more wrinkles than he remembers there being on the back of her hands. While he was busy growing up and fighting evil organisations, his mother was growing old. He never realised.

“What you went through—it was terrible,” she says firmly. “It was terrible, something no child—or no one, for that matter—should ever have to go through. And like you said, you were living with that threat for a very long time—of course it’s not going to be easy to just kick back and relax like nothing had happened. It’s barely been twenty-four hours since the incident occurred. Recovery isn't instantaneous—that’s not how it works.

“Recovery—recovery from anything, really—isn’t a straight and linear road. There are going to be setbacks, obstacles and curveballs. Some days, you're going to wake up and find yourself stuck in the same place even though you're sure you had already taken ten, twenty or thirty steps past it. There are also going to be days you realise you've taken several steps backwards instead. All of that is okay. No one is broken for struggling when they're trying their best.”

 _No one is broken for struggling when they're trying their best._ Rin replays those words over and over in his head, wishing there was a way he could engrave it in his soul as a reminder for when things get tough.

“But one day, when you've taken so many steps ahead you've lost count of how many, you're going to look back and realise the thing that once held you back—it isn't as terrible or insurmountable as you had thought it was. You're going to be stronger than the things you once thought would break you. It’s always going to be a battle, my dear; and at times, an uphill one. Every day, you're going to have to wake up and face your demons—that’s the reality of life. What matters is that you choose to keep fighting and moving forward. And you're a fighter, Rin, one hell of a fighter. I wouldn't be your mother if I didn't know that.”

Rin doesn't realise he's crying until she reaches up and brushes the back of her hand against his face. Embarrassed, he hastily lowers his head and swipes his hands across his face. His nose wrinkles in disgust at how fucking damp his hands are. Is it even possible for eyes to produce this much water?

His mother chuckles and pats his arm. “I know you think you're the man of the house and all that, but it’s okay to show vulnerability. Crying doesn't make you any less of a man.”

“In fact,” Gou says with a wiggle of her eyebrows that Rin doesn't like, “there's probably a _certain someone_ out there who finds your vulnerability attractive.”

Rin jolts in alarm. There's no fucking way his _sister_ knows. Unless… how _would_ she know? Oh god, is she a fangirl? A _fujoshi?_ He wouldn't put it past her, considering her _thing_ for muscles. Oh lord, his sister could be a fujoshi and he had no idea up till this point.

As if reading his mind, Gou adds in a smug sing-song voice, “I think I knew _way_ before Onii-chan did!”

“Oh?” their mother says amusedly. “Is there something _else_ you haven't told me, Rin?”

“ _Nothing._ ” His face is not red. Nope, it’s not. He's the man of the house; he can't be defeated by things such as his little sister’s fujoshi powers or whatever it is she used to deduce his very well-concealed feelings for Sousuke. 

“There's nothing to be ashamed of, Onii-chan. You have excellent taste. I approve.”

“I don't need your approval for anything,” Rin grumbles.

His mother pokes his cheek. “Hypocrisy isn't cute, sweetheart. But back to the part about good taste: are you _sure_ there's ‘nothing’ you want to share with the class? Because this—” She pokes his reddened cheek again. “—sure doesn't look like _‘nothing’_.”

Rin buries his face in his hands with a groan. “Oh god, _no_. Why did I even come home in the first place?”

“Because it’s your duty as a loving, filial son. Now, if you're not going to spill, be a good boy and get some groceries for me.”

“I literally just got home, Mom.”

“We’re having steak tonight.”

In an instant, Rin is on his feet. “What do you want from the market?”

She rattles off a list of items, which Rin dutifully takes down on his phone. Gou chimes in and requests he gets her the latest issue of the muscle magazine she follows. He rolls his eyes but also makes a note of that (if only to prevent her from tattling on him).

As he's sitting on the porch and tying his laces up, he can hear his mother and sister’s laughter in the living room. He smiles to himself. It’s been so long since he last allowed himself to enjoy his family’s company. For a few minutes, he just sits there and lets the sound of their aimless chatting drift to his ears.

Perhaps all this—the teasing, bantering, and sudden chores thrusted upon him—is some kind of proof that he _can_ have a normal life. And maybe even deserve it too. After all the life-threatening dangers he'd been through the past six years, it would be nice to finally enjoy being a teenager.

When he steps out into the crisp autumn air, he feels lighter, like he's no longer carrying the fate of the whole world or whatever on his shoulders—like he can finally have some sense of normalcy back in his life.

* * *

Every night, it’s always someone different drowning in Makoto’s dreams. Sometimes it’s himself. Other times it’s Hayato. If not Hayato, then Haru, or Nagisa, or Rin, or Rei. If not them, it’s his siblings. Whoever it is, there's always someone drowning, and it’s always Makoto’s fault. Because he didn't get to them fast enough. Because he wasn't strong enough to pull them out. Because he didn't even know they were drowning until the last possible moment.

Tonight, he doesn't want to sleep. He doesn't want to know who else will drown. He waits until all the lights in the house are switched off, then quietly slips out of bed and prowls into Ran and Ren’s room. They're sound asleep in their respective bunks, peaceful expressions on their faces. The knot of tension that had wound up in Makoto’s chest loosens slightly. At least they're having nice dreams. He hopes they always will, that the world won't taint the one safe place they have in their sleep. 

Just to be safe, he checks on his parents too. Once determining that they are indeed safe and sound, Makoto finds himself at a loss for what to do. He doesn't want to go back to bed yet, but he can't just keep lingering around in the hallway like some creep. 

With nothing else to do, he supposes he should get some fresh air. It might even be good for him.

He grabs a jacket, laces up his shoes and heads out, taking care to shut the door behind him as quietly as possible. Aimlessly, he wanders around the stone staircase before heading down to the old sandy road. 

There's not another person in sight. The only other creatures up and about are a few birds and the neighbourhood cat. She purrs upon spotting him and slinks around his ankles. Chuckling, albeit somewhat weakly, Makoto bends down and pats her. However, she doesn't stick around for long. As if smelling the unease in him, she bats his hand aside and stalks away, disappearing into the bushes. Makoto’s heart sinks. 

In the end, he's useless, isn't he? He couldn't do much against GREAT, even with all his superstrength and durability. He couldn't stop them from drugging him, Haru, Nagisa and Rin. 

And when the hallucinations began, he was stupid enough to fall for it. He should've realised there was no possible way he would suddenly be transported to some random place where there was nothing but the ocean, or how Hayato could've appeared from thin air when he was actually miles away and had no idea what was going on. In fact, he was so useless he needed Momotarou—someone who shouldn't have even gotten involved in the first place—to pull him out of the hallucinations. 

But even that wasn't enough,. They were caught by the scientists, led out to the beach like pigs for slaughter, and forced to watch as Haru was nearly killed by another GREAT subject—and all the while, Makoto couldn't lift even a finger. When Haru needed him the most, all he could do was watch. 

When he said things would get better over time, he meant for others, because he wasn't so sure if that's the case for himself. Even after all the years he's known Haru, he couldn't help him in the most crucial moments. 

Blue fills his mind with a sort of gentle intensity that only one person Makoto knows is capable of, startling him out of his thoughts. 

He turns around with a sheepish smile. “Oh, Haru. Shouldn't you be asleep?”

Haru raises an eyebrow. “Could say the same for you.”

Notedly, Haru doesn't ask Makoto why he's up. That's not Haru’s style—he doesn't ask questions, but rather waits for answers he's fine with not having. With that air of easy, quiet acceptance around him, Makoto relaxes for the first time in days.

“I was just… thinking,” Makoto says carefully, testing the sound of the words on his tongue.

Haru tilts his head, waiting patiently for him to go on.

And that's what Makoto does. Like water pent up behind a dam, the words flood out of him, having been festering into something ugly inside him for far too long to be healthy. He tells Haru about everything. The hallucination, the fear and uselessness he felt throughout the entire escapade, the uselessness he's _always_ felt, and the insecurity that he's not good enough—that he’ll never _be_ good enough.

When he's done, Haru doesn't immediately start comforting or reassuring him, which Makoto appreciates. If he wanted pleasant-sounding platitudes tossed at him, he'd confide in literally anyone else but Haru. But Haru sees, perceives and feels things on a different level from other people—it’s his at-times unnerving ability to see, with pinpoint accuracy, right to the heart of a problem that Makoto needs more than anything else right now.

Finally, Haru speaks. “Do you think I would say that? Right now, would I say something like that to you?”

“I…” Makoto laughs nervously. The sound is horribly hollow and fake even to his own ears. “I certainly would hope not.”

“That's not what I asked.” Haru’s eyes pierce right through Makoto—like the heart of a flame, as Makoto sometimes compares them to because of their blazing blue shade when Haru gets all intense and focused like this. “I didn't ask for what you'd hope I would say. I asked for what you'd _think_ I would say.”

“No, I don't think so,” Makoto says immediately, as some kind of knee-jerk reaction. Rationally, the Haru he knows would never say something as horrible as that. The only time he has seen Haru worked up enough to insult him to his face was their fight during the festival—but even then, Haru wasn't being himself. It would take a lot to get Haru worked up to that level, so under normal circumstances he'd never say what the hallucination version of Haru said to Makoto. And even if he was _that_ worked up, there are lines Makoto knows he wouldn't cross.

That's the rational part of Makoto’s mind speaking, but as for the not-so rational part…

There's something burning in Haru’s silence that makes Makoto falter. Haru knows. He knows what exactly is going on in the less-rational part of Makoto’s brain, and he's simply waiting for Makoto to voice it on his own.

“I guess… I guess there's always a part of me that's afraid,” Makoto confesses quietly. “Afraid I won't be able to protect the ones I care about the most, especially by some stupid failure of my own. Afraid that I can't measure up to this… this _standard_ that I have to take care of others. Like, if I mess up even once—I can't deal with it.”

“Who's the one setting up all these standards?”

Makoto blinks. “Huh?”

“Who's the one that said you _have_ to take care of others and not make a single mistake?” Haru challenges. “Who said you're not allowed to be human? Certainly not me. Did Nagisa say anything like that? Unlikely. He screws up all the time yet continues living like he has no care in the world. Rin didn't either, because he has probably screwed up the most out of all of us but that hasn't stopped him from doing what he wants. Rei wouldn't either—he may be a nitpicking perfectionist, but he would never demand perfection from anyone. Neither would your parents or Ran or Ren. No one expects you to be perfect except for yourself.”

Makoto reflects on every instance he messed up—failing to save Rei during the camp, not telling Haru about his plans for university, not being strong enough to save Haru from Albert. No one blamed him for not managing to save Rei; Haru forgave him for keeping his plans a secret, and nobody pointed their fingers at him and accused him of not doing more to save Haru from GREAT.

“I see,” he says, this time with a more genuine chuckle. “It was all in my head, wasn't it?”

“I can't believe I have to tell you something this painfully obvious—but you’re going to screw up, Makoto,” Haru says, blunt as always. “You're going to make stupid mistakes and piss people off. But so am I. And honestly, I've made worse mistakes than you have, trust me. I don't owe anyone shit because I'm not perfect. Neither do you. So just—go out there and fuck up. It’s better than staying still in one place, frozen and terrified that anything you do would end up crashing and burning around your head.”

“Because if I make a mistake, I’d learn something from it and grow,” Makoto continues for Haru. “But if I don't do anything, I won't make any progress.”

“Yeah, duh,” Haru concludes with a roll of his eyes. “God, you really needed me to explain that to you?”

Makoto chuckles, sheepish but nonetheless grateful that Haru had taken the time to do so for him. “Well, more like I needed someone to knock some sense back into me.”

“Okay, good.” Haru’s mouth stretches into a wide yawn that he doesn't bother to cover up, and Makoto is reminded that anything later than 10 p.m. is an ungodly hour to be awake for Haru.

Makoto smiles indulgently. He reaches out, takes Haru’s hand and gives it three grateful squeezes. “Thanks for coming out to talk to me, especially this late at night.”

“Whatever, it’s not a big deal,” Haru mutters. “Stay with me.”

“But my home is just over there.” 

“Stay with me,” Haru insists. “It’s the least you could do for making me come out here at one in the morning and tell you something you should've already known.”

Well, Makoto can't exactly argue with that. Besides, there are worse ways to spend the night than with the one he loves.

When he falls asleep half an hour later, curled up next to Haru in his bed, he drifts into a dreamless, painless sleep—like having Haru there by his side magically makes everything okay again. 

* * *

Rei has a certain pressing matter he ought to address. No, it’s not the Bond as a new and collective entity in his head that is giving him trouble. It’s not even any individual Bond that is the cause for concern. All things considered, he has gotten accustomed to the constant multi-coloured glowing and flood of various emotions in the back of his mind. Yes, it did give him a bit of a headache for the first thirty-six hours or so, and yes, the occasional large bursts of random excitement from the yellow Bond does startle and annoy him when he needs to concentrate on something—but for the most part, the Bond as a whole has become little more than white noise in his mind. 

The issue is something more tangible than the Bond, but harder for him to address, for some reason.

Simply put, he has had a strange feeling ever since the whole GREAT Incident (that is what everyone has decided to call what was easily the most traumatic night of their lives). The thing is, he doesn't know how to explain it, and that is getting on his nerves. He hates it when there are unknown variables, data he can't quantify, and circumstances he can't justify. He likes to think he has gotten better at dealing with unknowns.

But what if that unknown is his own boyfriend?

As a man of science, Rei supposes he should be more specific by what he defines as an ‘unknown’. By ‘unknown’, he means the inner workings of Nagisa’s mind. By ‘unknown’, he means the weird bundle of emotions he can't identify that emanate from the yellow Bond whenever they're with each other. By ‘unknown’, he means how Nagisa is coping with the GREAT Incident.

As someone who cares deeply about Nagisa’s welfare, Rei wants—above anything and everything else—him to be safe, happy and healthy.

The problem, he realises, is voicing these concerns. Having known Nagisa as long as he has, he has come to realise that Nagisa’s way of coping with difficult and stressful situations is to withdraw; to push others away and pretend that everything is okay. What if Rei ends up causing him to withdraw by asking those questions? That has happened before, back when Nagisa’s parents tried to force him to quit the swim club. Rei doesn't want that to happen again; he can't bear the thought of Nagisa distancing himself again when they're supposed to be close and intimate, not just physically but emotionally too. Is this what it means to be stuck between a rock and a hard place?

“Rei-chan?”

“Huh?” Rei blinks, taking a few moments to remember what he's supposed to be doing.

Nagisa is over at his apartment to study for their upcoming tests together. They're working on History together, which is Nagisa’s best subject. Rei was surprised Nagisa wanted to study History with him when he was already one of the best in their class, but Nagisa said he'd rather study together than alone. The sentiment was certainly heartwarming, but when put into practice, Rei realises Nagisa is already two chapters ahead of him while he has been stuck on the same page for the past ten minutes.

Nagisa’s smile is gentle as he says, “There's something you wanna ask me, right?”

Rei flushes, embarrassed at having been caught so easily. “How—how could you tell?”

“‘Cause I know what Rei-chan is like. Besides, there's this really loud vibe coming from your Bond all like, _‘Should I ask him? Should I not ask him?’_ It’s like you were playing he-loves-me he-loves-me-not. By the way, it’s ‘he-loves-me’, ‘cause I love Rei-chan.”

“Oh, I love you too,” Rei says on reflex, then blushes at the flood of affection from the yellow Bond. “But, um, back to the main topic. I… I thought you couldn't read my thoughts through the Bond?”

“I can't. But like I said, there's a vibe, y’know? So, like, I can vibe-check you through the Bond without having to yeet your head off.”

Rei has no idea what a ‘vibe-check’ is or why Nagisa has recently taken such a fancy to the word ‘yeet’ in all its forms, but he decides to focus on the most pressing matter at hand. “I see. So, uh…”

Nagisa closes his textbook. “You can ask me anything you want, Rei-chan.”

“Wait, are you sure?” Rei asks. He has to know, because he doesn't want to accidentally cross boundaries or push buttons that would cause Nagisa to retreat into his own world again.

Nagisa nods. His expression is different—it’s open, honest. Like he's finally ready to be real about his feelings. “I won't run away this time, promise. You can ask anything.”

“Okay, um…” Rei bites his lip. “Well, it’s about… the incident. The GREAT incident. I have been meaning to ask you about it for a while, but I just—I didn't know how to ask. Or what I wanted to ask first. So many things had happened that I didn't know where to begin.”

Nagisa is silent for several moments, seemingly engrossed in the task of spinning his ballpoint pen between his fingers. Rei doesn't push him, this time not because he's afraid of Nagisa running away but simply to give him some time to think.

Meanwhile, Rei wonders. He got a vague idea of what had happened to Haruka, Makoto, Nagisa and Rin while the rescue team was still being assembled—something about a battle to save Gou’s life, drugs and a hallucination trip. But what little he heard lacked the details he needed, so for the past couple of weeks he's been left to speculate about what Nagisa could have possibly seen in his hallucination trip.

“It was really scary,” Nagisa suddenly says.

Rei’s head jolts up. “What was?”

Nagisa’s fingers continue spinning the pen, while his other arm hugs his knees to his chest as though to protect himself from some unseen danger. Rei’s heart aches. He never wants Nagisa to feel like he has to be on guard when they're together.

“So, like,” Nagisa continues after another pause. “GREAT subjected us to some crazy hallucinations about the things we fear the most, right?”

Rei nods. He was able to gather that much from the mish-mash of information he heard.

“Looking back on it now, I guess it was kinda stupid. I was in this—I don't know—room? I have no idea what to call it. But it was dark, and it had these invisible walls that made me feel really claustrophobic. I was all alone—like, _really_ alone. Mako-chan and Rin-chan both said they saw Haru-chan and Kiss-me and everyone in their hallucinations, but I didn't. In my hallucination, I was just… alone. Abandoned. Like I was abandoned all over again for the hundredth time—at least, that's how I felt. All that was in the room was a desk and a stack of textbooks for me to study. And then I started feeling really depressed, kinda like how I did when I was in middle school and all I did day in and day out was study, study and study.

“But the scariest part? I didn't remember Rei-chan.”

Rei’s heart stutters. “What?”

“I didn't remember Rei-chan,” Nagisa repeats in the quietest voice Rei has ever heard from him. “At one point, I was thinking to myself, _‘I don't want to become a megane like Rei-chan’,_ but then I realised I didn't know who that was. All I knew was that Rei-chan was _someone_ I knew and was _someone_ important to me. Feeling abandoned was one thing; being forced to study and do nothing else was one thing. But not remembering Rei-chan was what made everything so scary. I was in a world where Rei-chan didn't exist, and I… I don't want that. I never, _ever_ want to forget that Rei-chan exists.”

Rei sits there, for once at a loss for words. He had figured some of Nagisa’s fears would include abandonment and being forced to study, based on his previous observations. But what do you say when your boyfriend tells you his greatest fear, manifested in a freaky hallucination via illegal drugs, was forgetting about you? There is certainly a twinge of pride in him that comes from being so important to Nagisa, but with that also comes the guilt of feeling like that in the first place when Nagisa is likely traumatised from the experience.

Before Rei can scramble to put together a somewhat coherent sentence, though, Nagisa continues.

“But it’s okay. I mean, it was just a hallucination, right? The important part is that the real me remembers who Rei-chan is and knows that I love Rei-chan very, very much. So you don't need to worry, okay? I know I have some issues I need to work through—like, big time—but I know I can do it, especially if Rei-chan is with me.”

Tender warmth from the yellow Bond permeates into the purple one and melts the insecurities that had a tight grip on Rei’s heart. He smiles and brings Nagisa into a tight embrace, kissing him gently on the forehead.

“I will,” he murmurs. “I promise I’ll stay by your side. I’ll make sure you can never forget about me.”

Nagisa’s eyes gleam with mischief. “And how do you plan to do that, Mister Rei-chan?”

Rei can feel a grin of his own quirk at his lips. “Would you like a detailed explanation or a demonstration?”

Nagisa cheekily fakes a yawn. “Demonstration, please, or I’ll fall asleep.”

Well, Rei supposes they were long due for a study break anyway. He closes his textbook and brings Nagisa onto the couch behind them. Carefully, he lies back and pulls Nagisa atop him, wasting no time in pressing their lips together. Since Rei has been giving Nagisa some space the past few days to process everything that had happened, the taste of Nagisa’s lips on his is like the first gulp of water after days of wandering a hot desert. 

And it is also a promise. A promise that he will always be there where Nagisa can find him—that there will be no more darkness in a world where Nagisa is meant to shine so brightly, more than the sun or the moon or all the stars guiding them back to each other.

By the time he's done thoroughly— _very_ thoroughly—kissing Nagisa, he can say with one hundred percent certainty that Nagisa won't be forgetting about him any time soon.

* * *

When Haru returns home after a long study session with Makoto in the library, it is to the exceedingly rare sight of his grandfather seated at the dining table with a can of beer open.

“Oh, welcome back,” Hayate says, like he didn't just vanish for two weeks with zero contact. “Just got back from Tokyo.”

Haru’s stomach growls. Working through all those algebra equations sure was one way to build up an appetite. He drops his bag on the floor and heads to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. It’s a good thing he did a grocery-run yesterday, since it looks like he'll have one more mouth to feed tonight.

“You're not going to ask what I was doing in Tokyo?”

Haru just shrugs in response. It’s none of his business why Hayate goes where he goes. Besides, given how he has a habit of casually dropping by anywhere from Sweden to Taiwan to Australia at the drop of a hat, hearing that he was in Tokyo isn't something worth being surprised or curious about. Unruffled, Haru continues bustling around the kitchen, turning on the stove and taking the mackerel out of the fridge.

“Well,” Hayate says, seeming to take Haru’s indifference as an invitation to continue, “I was investigating the urban legend of Japanese Flash. I had already looked into him on the dark web, but I wanted to see him for myself.”

Haru hates how his head immediately perks up at the mention of the Japanese Flash guy. He blames Rin for getting that guy in this head in the first place with all his claims that he is sort of related to the Flash. What would that make them, anyway? Cousins? That's a weird and vaguely unpleasant idea to have. He squashes it down immediately.

“Japanese Flash is some kid from Kansei University who does track,” Hayate carries on. “Kurahara Kakeru. I managed to catch the qualifiers for the Hakone Ekiden. Kansei just barely made the cut, though the kid himself is one hell of a runner. You should've seen his teammates' reactions—it was like they had already won the Hakone Ekiden itself.”

Haru lets out a noncommittal grunt as he washes his hands. The only reason he hasn't already shut out the rest of the world is because a part of him _is_ curious about this Kurahara Kakeru guy, but he doesn't have to admit that.

“I think Kansei's a good place for him, too. I watched the broadcast of the dark horse track team at their dorm, and it really does look like home. Mostly 'cause of the booze, but from what I've seen of the team it's like they're family. Whether or not they know he's the Japanese Flash is another thing entirely, but I get the sense that it wouldn't change a thing. It's one of those weird sixth-sense things Chie liked to talk about.”

Haru’s hand falters around the frying pan handle. Who knew the famous Japanese Flash was so close to him in age? And what's more, he sounds like pretty much any guy out there, like he's not _the_ Japanese Flash from _the_ urban legend. How has he managed to live so under the radar that he can participate in such a high-profile race with seemingly no repercussions? And does that mean it’s possible for Haru, too, to go to a university and swim and have an ordinary life like he never had superpowers to begin with? Who _is_ this guy, and how has he managed to live the way he does?

As if reading his mind, Hayate adds briskly, “It’s for the best if you guys don't meet. He'd probably just be a constant reminder that you have superpowers, even if you two were from different organisations. And likewise, you'd also be a constant reminder to him that he's the Japanese Flash, should he find out that you have superpowers too. He's living his life and you your own, and things should stay that way.”

Haru scowls at the sizzling mackerel in the pan. “Never said anything about meeting him.”

“Even though you've got offers from universities in Tokyo?”

“Even if I did take them up on their offers, I wouldn't be going to meet him. I don't even know or care about him. If I'm going to Tokyo, it'd be because I want to swim there—that’s all.”

To Haru’s surprise, Hayate starts chuckling. Well, that's sudden. Haru wasn't sure if the old geezer was even capable of laughter.

“What?” Haru says, trying not to sound too snappy.

“Nothing. Just glad, kid. Glad you've got something you want to do. And… I'm sorry too,” Hayate adds in a stiffer tone.

“What for?”

There's a pause, probably for Hayate to take a long swig of his beer. “Your grandma would have my head if she knew how I had left you all alone to fend for yourself while I was fighting GREAT in Sydney, or how I had left the responsibility of taking care of you to Makoto and Rin.”

Haru scowls again. “I could take care of myself.”

“You grew up too fast, kid,” Hayate says quietly. “Look, I'm trying to say I'm sorry for not being there for you, okay? Jesus, don't make this any harder for me.”

Haru just shrugs again. He doesn't see the need for Hayate’s apology, since those years have already gone by. Besides, all things considered, he's taken pretty good care of himself when he was on his own. He's alive, so that has to be a point in his favour.

“You know,” Hayate adds. His tone grows just an infinitesimal bit softer with a hint of longing. “I wish she could see you now. She’d be so proud of you. And she’d also be better at expressing it. She was always my ‘better half’, so to speak. But most of all, she would be incredibly proud to call you her grandson, for all the ordinary and extraordinary things that make you Haruka. ”

Stupid dust flying into his eyes. Haru has to step away from the stove for safety purposes before he burns himself or, worse, ruins the mackerel. He blinks rapidly in an attempt to clear his eyes and head. It works, somewhat, though his throat is still constricted.

In a way, now that he thinks about it, his grandmother was right when she said extraordinary people become ordinary at twenty. He isn't even twenty, yet this is the most ordinary he has ever felt in his life, with no stupid organisations looming over him or bombs embedded in his friends.

But in another way, she was also wrong. Haru knows he will never _really_ be ordinary. He and his friends may have gotten rid of GREAT, but the one thing they can't get rid of is their superpowers—his superpowers, basically, since he's the source of the Bond. He will always have his scales lurking under the surface of his skin, his legs waiting to morph into a mermaid’s tail when given the command, and the multi-coloured threads of the Bond glowing in the back of his mind.

He supposes it’s not all that bad, though. After all, as he had learned the hard way during the hallucination trip at GREAT’s facility, his life without the Bond would be far more painful than with it. It may be annoying to deal with a constant flux of emotions from eight sources, but at least it’s proof of the bonds he's forged—some through the innocence of childhood, some through fire, and some through icy storms.

Would Chie be proud of him? The little boy in him hopes she would—he wouldn't want her sacrifice in Sydney to be in vain.

A new chapter, a new beginning, a new path lies ahead of Haru. It’s one he has charted not on his own, but with the ones who have loved and supported him throughout the darkness of the past six years. The future—it’s scary and unknown, but it’s also irreversibly, irrevocably _his._ He's going to keep forging ahead, and the only time he’ll ever look back is to remind himself of how far he has gotten from where he'd first started.

_This one’s for you, Grandma in heaven. Please watch over me._

* * *

So. Rin has four new Bonds to deal with, three of which live on the same floor as he does. Well, there's nothing in this world he can't adjust to. He thinks.

Ai’s feelings are the easiest to deal with. They're quiet and not irritating at all. If he's in a good mood, the white Bond is nice and lowkey. If he's surprised or appalled (probably because of something Momo did), there will be a small electrical jolt that goes through said Bond, but everything hereafter returns to normal.

Momo’s are annoying, though that doesn't surprise Rin in the slightest. For lack of a better word, his emotions are always ‘on’. Everything he feels, he feels deeply in bright orange sparks and flashing lights that gave Rin a headache for the first thirty-six or so hours after the new Bonds were formed. On some nights, he has to storm down the hallway to Momo’s dorm and growl at him to turn down his emotions _or else._ This more often than not leads to an argument over the fact that Momo can't just ‘turn down’ his emotions the way one might to the sound of a TV, and Sousuke has to drag Rin away from Momo before the poor boy dies of asphyxiation.

But the far most embarrassing one to deal with is Sousuke’s. Here's the reason why: whenever Rin is in the vicinity of Makoto and Haru, their green and blue Bonds are always filled with sickeningly sweet feelings of love, affection, adoration and all that barf-inducing crap. Their respective Bonds have always been like that ever since said Bonds came into existence; if they had been born with the Bonds, they would've been that way their whole lives. In fact, for the first week or so after the Bond was established, Rin couldn't look Haru in the eye, because he had no idea how to reconcile those soft lovey-dovey feelings and Haru’s stone-cold poker face.

Now, take those heart-eye-emoji feelings that Haru and Makoto exude through their Bonds in waves, and imagine them coming from the _teal_ Bond instead. In fact, there is no need to imagine, because that is exactly whatever happens whenever Rin is in the same room as Sousuke.

He can't fucking stand it. And worst of all, Sousuke doesn't even feel embarrassed about it or try to hide it. He always watches Rin with those gentle eyes and that knowing smile, releasing a flock of feral butterflies jacked on dopamine and oxytocin in the pits of Rin’s stomach.

Oh wait. Oh god. Oh no. 

Sousuke is part of the Bond too. That means he can feel whatever Rin is feeling at any given moment. What the fuck ever happened to privacy? Now Rin can't have his second Gay Meltdown without shamefully exposing himself to the one he is having aforementioned Gay Meltdown over.

What does Sousuke even feel through the red Bond, anyway? Rin’s irritation and distress? Or— _oh no_ —those same mushy lovey-dovey feelings? Rin has never hated himself more than he does right now. He's the captain of Samezuka’s esteemed swim team, for fuck’s sake. He broke into GREAT’s headquarters multiple times and lived to tell the tale. He protected his younger sister from gunshots with nothing more than his body and sheer force of personality.

But at the same time, he can't help the sparks that light up in his heart, or the way all the colours in the world suddenly become more vibrant when Sousuke enters the room. He feels like a typical shoujo protagonist going crazy with love, complete with sparkles and bubbles and roses sprouting all over the place.

Somehow, though, it’s also… comfortable. Even though his heart has the annoying tendency to go wild with neurotransmitters and fluttery feelings, he's never felt more at peace than when Sousuke is in the same room as he is. He doesn't have to hide anything or put up a tough persona—Sousuke knows all his bullshit inside-out, and the teal Bond still hums with love, respect and acceptance.

Rin is in love. He knows this like how he knows he loves swimming; like how he knows Thursday nights are Samezuka’s much-coveted steak nights; like how he knows his and Sousuke’s souls are forever intertwined.

A while back, he made Sousuke a promise—a promise to be with him once he razes GREAT to the ground and frees Haru. Sousuke promised to wait, even though he had no way of knowing how long he'd be waiting; if he'd be waiting forever.

And Rin never _ever_ goes back on his promises.

The most typical shoujo thing would be to angst quietly on his own about how to formally ask Sousuke out. If he were a shoujo manga protagonist, he would spend weeks stammering and blushing when trying to approach Sousuke, only to have all known fuckery in the universe interrupt him just as he's about to get the goddamn words out. 

Good thing Rin has no intention of living in a shoujo.

The moment Sousuke enters the dorm, Rin strides up to him.

“I'm gonna kiss you right now. If you don't want that, duck.”

Rin tilts his head, deliberately going at a painful snail pace to give Sousuke to back away if need be. In case Sousuke changed his mind. In case Sousuke moved on. Or in case Sousuke just isn't in the mood. 

Instead, Sousuke grabs his waist, actually _lifts_ him several inches off the ground, and pulls him into a fierce kiss, like a man who has been longing for his first gulp of air.

Well, intention to live in a shoujo or not, Rin can _feel_ the sparkles and bubbles and roses erupting all around them. That really is the only way to describe how perfect and _right_ it feels to have Sousuke’s lips against his and hands on his waist. Determined not to lose, Rin kisses back with the same fervent passion, if not even more. He pulls Sousuke closer by his hair, clawing at the back of his neck to try and close any last infinitesimal gap between them.

As strong as Sousuke is from hours and hours of training, though, the fact that Rin is not a delicate little waifu but instead a tall and decently-muscled swimmer remains. They break apart from the kiss, and Sousuke gently places Rin back down on his feet, but not without doing that cheesy ‘post-kiss staring-into-eyes’ thing first.

“Sorry,” Sousuke says, though the grin on his face doesn't look particularly apologetic. “I wasn't gonna let you make the first move.”

In an attempt to maintain some level of composure, Rin rolls his eyes, but he's sure his face looks as flaming red as it feels. “Well, I declared my intention to kiss you first.” 

“I realised my feelings for you first.”

Rin scowls, now tempted to kick Sousuke out of their room. “Okay, that's just not fair and you know it.”

Sousuke chuckles. “So if you're swaggering up to me for a kiss, does that mean…?”

Embarrassed, Rin lowers his head. “I guess so,” he hedges awkwardly. “Like, since we saved the day and all that and there's no more GREAT to worry about. I suppose I’ll let you call me yours as long as I get to call you mine.”

“That's a rather unenthusiastic proposal, especially coming from you, the resident romantic.”

“It’s just…” Rin nibbles his lower lip. He catches himself and stops before he accidentally destroys his mouth with his fangs. It wouldn't be the first time he came close to doing so. “Look, Sousuke, if we’re going to be serious about this, promise me something—no more secrets.” He traces his palm over Sousuke’s bad shoulder. Sousuke stiffens briefly before relaxing under Rin’s feather-light touch. “You can't keep big, important shit like this from me, especially if we’re gonna be dating. You can't not tell me stuff just ‘cause you're scared of making me cry. There's no guarantee that I won't cry—and this will be the only time I ever admit it, but that’s because of how important you are to me, okay?! You're one of the most important people in my life, so when you get hurt like that—obviously I'm gonna be upset, dumbass. 

“But I won't break. I'm not that fragile. Please, just trust me. I can handle anything you give me, no matter how painful it is.”

Sousuke takes Rin’s shoulders gently in his hands. “Of course I know you're strong. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell for you in the first place.”

“And you damn well better remember that. Promise me, Sousuke? No more secrets.”

Sousuke nods. “No more secrets.”

“So…” Rin looks suspiciously at Sousuke. “Is there anything else I should know?”

A smirk curls across Sousuke’s lips. “I think you have a nice ass.”

“For fuck’s sake, Sousuke!” Rin exclaims, shoving him away (though without any real force). “Save it for another time. I'm serious here. If you don't have swimming scholarships overflowing from your mailbox, have you thought of what you're gonna do after graduation? Besides for working at your dad’s restaurant, I mean.” 

Sousuke hums thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll take a gap year and focus on the family business. Or maybe I’ll work there part-time while attending university. I'm thinking about something to do with, say, physical therapy so I can help idiots like me who push themselves too hard.”

Rin grins. “Sounds awesome. You're gonna do amazing work, I know it.”

“We’ll see. What about you?”

“I was thinking…” Rin hesitates, but then remembers he promised no more secrets between them and that applies to him too. “I'm thinking of going back to Australia. That place—it does have a lot of good memories for me. I made some pretty awesome friends there, my homestay parents felt like a second family, and the food’s not half bad. But, like, I also have loads of baggage attached, y’know? Like, ‘cause of the shit I got into with GREAT and all that. When I went to Sydney with Haru before nationals, it did help me a little to come to terms with everything I went through. I think… I think going back can help me find some sort of closure, now that GREAT is gone and rotting in hell. I’ll probably find a therapist there if I need one—I might need one, I don't know. Plus, I found a university there with a strong team and a great coach. I think being there will also help me get even closer to my dream.”

“You're definitely gonna kick ass,” Sousuke says, giving Rin’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “You have to remember to take care of yourself, though. I don't want you to lose sight of your goal.”

 _Again._ That word hangs in the air between them, unspoken but mutually understood. And Rin won't this time. He's older, stronger and wiser than he was at twelve years old. The past didn't break him, and the future won't either. He hates losing, after all. 

“Don't worry, I’ll definitely keep you updated.” Rin thinks about the time he stopped sending letters to Japan when he was in middle school, and he winces. “Uh, and I’ll do my best to keep in touch, better than I did the last time I was abroad.”

“I’ll do my best too," Sousuke promises with a smile. "I want what we have to work out, no matter if we’re in the same place or in different continents.”

Rin flinches, because he just remembered there was something he didn't take into consideration when making his decision. “Shit, I didn't even ask if you were okay with me going abroad. Sousuke, I—”

Sousuke silences him with a quick kiss. “It’s your dream, Rin. You have to do what's best for yourself.”

“But are you okay with it?” Rin presses. “Long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain. I'm willing to do it, but if you're not I won't hold anything against you.”

“Why wouldn't I be okay with it?” Sousuke counters, and Rin can feel his genuine bafflement through the Bond. “I want you to achieve your dreams. I know you'll be amazing on the global stage, swimming with and beating the best swimmers around the world. And of course I want to put in the effort too—I told you you're worth forever, didn't I?”

Rin’s eyes sting, which is a bad sign. “Asshole, you can't just spring something so sappy on me out of nowhere!”

But secretly, deep down, he appreciates it, because he knows they're not just sweet words. When they're from Sousuke, it’s a promise, that time and land and oceans can't truly keep them apart. And if there's one thing Rin believes in with all his soul, it’s the strength of promises. He doesn't go back on those, and he knows neither does Sousuke.

For now, though, they still have a few more months to go before graduation, and Rin supposes he's not against getting to know Sousuke again, as a boyfriend this time.

* * *

Time, in fact, goes on as it always does. The year ends with Haru making up his mind about what he's going to do after high school. He knows he wants to continue swimming on his own terms, so he's going to take Hidaka University up on their offer to join their swim team. He's going to Tokyo during the winter break to check out their facilities, but just from the pictures on their website he can tell they have a supremely impressive pool. Plus, the university is in Tokyo, which is where Makoto is also planning on attending university, so all’s well that ends well to end up where Makoto and a sick-ass pool are.

The new year begins with a series of university entrance exams for Makoto. To help him get ready for his entrance exams, Haru prepares a special lunch of rice, grilled mackerel and assorted vegetables for him. Mackerel helps to boost brain functioning, after all. He sees Makoto off at the train station and makes sure to transmit as much of his confidence in Makoto through the Bond to him. Hopefully that confidence will stay even when Haru isn't in the exam hall with him.

A few weeks later, they get the news that Makoto has passed his entrance exams and been accepted by Meijo Chuo University, his number one choice on his list of possible universities. Makoto profusely thanks Haru for the mackerel, claiming it really did help to boost his concentration and thinking during the exams. While Haru does take some quiet pride in having helped Makoto get one step closer to his dream, he maintains that it was Makoto who had done all the hard work in the first place.

Now that they know for sure they'll be going to Tokyo together (to the surprise of absolutely zero people in their social circle), the main thing to worry about is finding a place to stay in Tokyo. They discuss the possibility of living together, until they take a look at a map and realise their universities are further apart from each other than they had realised.

Makoto goes to Tokyo first to see if there's a place between their respective universities they can stay at. Haru would go with him, except he has driving lessons (Rin had strong-armed him into taking classes with him in November, and Rin will be an insufferable menace if he ends up passing the test before Haru does).

Later, Makoto texts Haru to let him know he wasn't able to find a good place for the both of them, but he found a place for himself near his university. He was hesitant about taking that apartment, but Haru reassured him that it was fine and insisted he’d find his own place later after he passes his driving test.

Which he does at the end of the month at the exact time as Rin, and that is something Rin absolutely refuses to let go of.

“We may have passed at the same time, but we all know who's the better driver between us, Haru.”

“I learned to parallel park first.”

“Uh, no, _I_ did.”

“Correction: I learned to parallel park first without nearly killing the instructor and causing an explosion in the street.”

“Rin, what on earth did you do?!” Makoto yelps, aghast.

“Nothing!” Rin snaps, glaring at Haru. “Don't listen to him—he’s exaggerating!”

In the end, they're unable to reach a consensus as to who's the superior driver, so Haru ends the argument by declaring his intention to grill mackerel for dinner. Rin, the unrefined fool who doesn't like fish, saunters off scoffing something about having mackerel for brains.

Now it’s Haru’s turn to go apartment-hunting in Tokyo, and Makoto offers to accompany since he has to collect the keys to his apartment too. They make plans to go the following Saturday, seeing as they have a long weekend that week.

The week goes by without much incident. There's preparation for the school festival, other events Nagisa ropes them into, and they help out at Iwatobi SC whenever they can. It’s a nice, normal, _sane_ week. Haru never takes those simple days for granted anymore, having learned the hard way that there are many things in life that can be taken away from you without warning. Every night he goes to bed filled with quiet gratitude for the newfound simplicity and normalcy of his life.

The night before they are to depart for Tokyo, though, Makoto brings up something that Haru has never once even considered an issue up until now.

“So, what should we call ourselves?”

Haru stares at Makoto, wondering if someone replaced his brain cells with cookie batter (they were baking chocolate chip cookies with Ran and Ren earlier, so that might explain it). “By our names?” he suggests rather reasonably, he thinks.

“No, not that.” Makoto waves his hand frantically like he's swatting away invisible flies. And given that he's holding a used spatula, cookie batter ends up flying all over the place. His nervousness cuts through the Bond loud and clear, which would explain why he doesn't seem to notice the batter on his nose. “I meant, like, how are we gonna introduce ourselves in Tokyo?”

Haru still doesn't see what the issue is. “By our names, obviously. Unless you're planning on getting a name change?”

Makoto drags a hand down his face with a small laugh. “Okay, we’re clearly not on the same page here. What I meant is this—in Iwatobi, in this lovely small town by the sea, we've never needed to introduce ourselves ‘cause everyone knows who we are and our relationship with each other. We've never needed to define our relationship either, ‘cause no one’s ever really made any move on either of us after seeing us together.”

“Oh.” Haru thinks he can see where Makoto is going with this, but he waits patiently for Makoto himself to elaborate. 

“Yeah, see? But we’re going to Tokyo, _and_ we’re going to different universities on top of that. That's why if we use the ‘best friend’ label like we've always had, it might give people the wrong idea, like we’re still… _available_ or something.”

“Does it matter what other people think we are?” Haru asks, genuinely curious about Makoto’s opinion. “Isn't it enough that we know what we are?”

Makoto’s blush deepens. “I mean, _yeah._ I don't want to sound possessive, but I just want people to know that you're—that we’re—y’know!” He gestures wildly with his hands like that's supposed to convey something other than how flustered he is. If Haru didn't know him as well as he fortunately does, he would be utterly lost by now.

“Basically, you want people to know you've staked your claim on me.”

“You don't have to make it sound like that…”

Haru chooses not to dignify that with a response. “So what do you have in mind?”

“Well, I think ‘boyfriends’ is the simplest and most clear-cut label to use,” Makoto says.

Haru frowns. “But it’s not enough.”

“What do you mean ‘not enough’? Isn't that technically what we are?”

“‘Boyfriend’ doesn't fully capture what you mean to me,” Haru states plainly. He squats down in front of the oven to inspect their cookies’ progress. They're a nice shade of golden-brown, almost ready to be taken out of the oven.

Makoto pauses to mull over what Haru said, then nods. “Ah, I see what you mean. When people say ‘That's my boyfriend’, you'd think of high school pining, crushes and whirlwind romances. But that's not us—or at least, that’s not the case for me. I've never _pined_ after you. I’ve always just loved Haru for being Haru for as long as I can remember.” 

Haru ducks his head. “Yeah, basically. That's why I said it’s not enough.”

“Then what do you suggest, Haru?” Makoto ask. A teasing smile quirks at his lips.

Haru sighs, but he supposes it’s best to just get this over and done with so he can enjoy the cookies. “If you _really_ want a label… Soulmates.”

“I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or serious,” Makoto mutters, eyeing him with no amount of skepticism.

“I'm always serious.”

Haru will always be fascinated by how red Makoto’s face can go when Haru himself is just stating a simple fact. Just when he thinks Makoto has hit the upper limit of redness, his face somehow manages to go a shade darker.

“That's way too dramatic and _extra,_ Haru!” Makoto wails. “People only do that in fiction! Does it look like we’re in a story, Haru?”

Haru rolls his eyes. “And you call me the picky one.”

“I'm not being picky! You're the one suggesting the weirdest things!”

“Fine. How about ‘love of my life’?” Haru deadpans.

Makoto buries his batter-covered face in his batter-covered hands. “We can't go around telling people _that!_ ”

“Why not?” Haru doesn't see what the fuss is. It’s far more accurate than plain old ‘boyfriend’ or ‘best friend’, and it also achieves the purpose of letting other interested parties know they're both unavailable for the long-term.

Eventually, seeing as their discussion has led to and will probably end up leading nowhere, they drop the subject. They clean up the kitchen and take the cookies out to cool in their usual companionable silence. After carefully rationing the cookies so Ran and Ren don't end up with cavities, Haru helps put the twins to bed, gives Makoto a quick goodnight kiss in the hallway and heads back home. It’s going to be a long journey to Tokyo, especially since they're taking the train, so he wants to get all the rest he can.

They arrive in Tokyo on Sunday morning after nearly half a day of travelling, and successfully navigate the bustling capital’s train system to find their way to the realtor’s place. 

Unfortunately, much to Haru’s grave irritation, they find one Shigino Kisumi at the front desk with his stupid purple hoodie, stupid pearly grin, and stupid peace sign. Haru is just about to turn around and walk right out, but curse Makoto and his incredible reflexes.

Thank the heavens that Kisumi is not the realtor they're looking for—he’s just the part-time assistant to his uncle Katsumi, who's the actual realtor. Not-so thankfully, though, it turns out that Katsumi is as loud and obnoxious as his nephew, if not even more so.

Everyone takes turns to introduce themselves, but Haru decides to tack on something a little extra just because he can.

“Oh, by the way,” he says, completely serious, “he's the love of my life, just so we’re clear.”

Stunned silence. Makoto freezes spectacularly in his seat like a statue, while Kisumi and Katsumi stare at each other, as if asking the other via telepathy whether Haru really just said what they think he said.

“Haru!” Makoto cries out once he's gathered his wits. “I _told_ you, you can't just go around telling people that! We _discussed_ this!”

“ _You_ were the one who wanted a label,” Haru counters. “We agreed ‘boyfriend’ isn't enough, and you said ‘soulmate’ is over-the-top, so this is second-best.”

“Oh, you kids these days!” Katsumi booms, slapping a hand on the table. “Well, congratulations to you both!”

Kisumi, too, slams his hands on the table and leans forward far too close to Haru for his liking. “Save a front row seat for me at your wedding!”

“You're not invited.”

“Ehh?” Kisumi exclaims, wearing an expression like a wounded gazelle. “Haru, you're so cold. You really haven't changed since middle school.”

So hasn't Kisumi, but Haru doesn't want to dignify him with any more responses.

“Of course you're invited, Kisumi,” Makoto hurriedly cuts in. “Isn't that right, Haru?” He digs his elbow hard into Haru’s ribs, but Haru refuses to budge from his stance of scowling at the pink-haired, pearly-grinning, basketball-playing menace to humankind across the table.

Things go back to business soon after that. Katsumi delegates to Kisumi the job of showing Haru the apartments on offer, which Kisumi accepts with glee. Haru would really rather see the apartments on his own, but even he recognises it would be somewhat rude to say that to the man who's helping him find a place to stay.

The three of them pile into Kisumi’s car and he drives them around the city, all the while updating them on how Hayato is doing.

“His backstroke is pretty solid, and he's even picking up freestyle now.” 

“That's amazing!” Makoto exclaims.

“Right?” Kisumi agrees with a clear note of pride in his voice. He has one hand on the steering wheel, while the other makes inane gestures as he talks. “Once he's older and bigger, he’ll be giving you both a swim for your money. Oh, speaking of swimming, are you guys gonna continue swimming in uni?”

“I’ll probably swim casually in my free time,” Makoto says. “But I won't be doing competitive swimming anymore ‘cause I plan on getting a part-time job as a coach at the nearby SC. Y’know, so I can get some actual experience while I'm learning. Coach Sasabe wrote a testimonial for me after my volunteering stint, which will hopefully help in getting a position there.”

Kisumi whistles. “You've got a pretty solid plan there, Makoto. What about you, Haru?”

Haru continues staring out of the window as he blandly says, “Going pro.”

“You sure sound confident,” Kisumi chuckles.

Haru lifts a shoulder in a half shrug. If he's not confident in pursuing this dream then there's no point in even pursuing it in the first place.

“I'm happy for you, Haru,” Kisumi adds, his voice softer than before. “That you're free to do whatever you want now. I was so shocked when Nagisa told me the truth and especially when he handed me that gun—which I already returned to your grandpa, just so we’re clear. All these years we've known each other, and I had no idea what you were going through. And while we’re on that topic—I _do_ wish I hadn't been kept out of the loop for so long. I thought we were friends!”

Haru glares at the back of Kisumi’s seat. “That's what you thought.”

“How about Asahi or Ikuya? Did they know?”

Haru stiffens at the mention of Ikuya. “No. No one at middle school knew.”

“So that kinda makes me special, doesn't it?” Kisumi says with a laugh.

Well, whatever helps his stupid cotton-candy head sleep at night. Haru makes a mental note to have a chat with Nagisa about who he tells Haru’s secret to.

Fortunately, Kisumi becomes all businesslike once they arrive at the apartments. It takes them all day for Haru to find a satisfactory apartment (his main criteria for what he deems a satisfactory apartment are as follows by order of importance: a sufficiently large tub to soak in, a proper grill on the stove for grilling mackerel, and a general good vibe).

Thankfully, Kisumi has to leave halfway after treating them to lunch as he has to meet up with the movers at his own apartment, but he leaves them the address of the last apartment on offer. Makoto gives Kisumi a tin of the chocolate chip cookies that he, Haru, Ran and Ren baked the other day, which Haru grudgingly agrees to sacrificing (only because he knows Makoto will find a way to manipulate him into giving the cookies to Kisumi either way).

Eventually, Haru finds a place that fits all the criteria and is even near a SC as a nice bonus. He and Makoto meet a kid named Misaki who attends said SC and is training hard so he can beat his rival the next time they meet. Haru can't help but compare him to Rin—both of them even have reddish eyes. In any case, Haru has a vague feeling the kid’s going to be a big part of his and Makoto’s lives in Tokyo, so he makes sure to remember Misaki’s name.

When they return to Iwatobi, other things keep them sufficiently busy so there isn't much time to think about the actual move to Tokyo. For one, there's the swim team’s promotional video for the freshmen recruitment drive that he and Makoto agree to help out with. It follows an Arabian Nights theme, courtesy of Nagisa. Haru guest-stars as a mysterious merchant with a camel named Chappy, while Makoto attempts to play an evil sultan. Nagisa to tries to rope Rin in too, but Rin declines on the basis that one, it would look bad if someone from a different school showed up in Iwatobi High’s promotional video; and two, he was busy with having to officially transfer captainship of Samezuka’s swim team to Nitori.

Following that is graduation. Gou, Nagisa and Rei put together their savings to buy Haru and Makoto bouquets of flowers as graduation gifts. Photos are taken outside the school building with the rest of their classmates before Nagisa literally drags Haru and Makoto away to the pool for the swim club’s photoshoot. They almost don't manage to take any group photos, because Rei could hardly pull himself together long enough to smile for the camera. 

Gou gets the photographs printed and compiled in a mini album, one for each member of the team in their respective Bond colours (she chooses pink because she likes pink), with everyone's signatures on the back. Haru keeps his on his desk, making a mental note to pack it for Tokyo. 

After that, it’s preparation for Rin’s farewell party, which is to be hosted the day before he flies off to Australia.

And somehow, something as simple as a farewell party gets everyone in Haru’s social circle (and Mikoshiba Seijuurou, for some reason) tangled up in a _colossal_ misunderstanding for the ages. This is the kind of story all of them will be telling their kids and grandkids in time to come because of how unbelievable yet inexplicably _them_ it is. 

**Phase one:** Gou has been acting secretively around Rin, leading to Rin immediately assuming she had a boyfriend and didn't want to tell him because she knew how he would react.

( **The reality** **:** she just didn't want to spoil the surprise of his party but was unfortunately not blessed with adequate acting skills.)

 **Phase two:** Momotarou challenges Rin to a race. The apparently-logical reaction for Rin to have is to, again, assume Momotarou wanted to race for Gou’s hand in marriage.

( **The reality:** Momotarou just wanted a toy Rin got from a meal at the new fast food place).

 **Phase three:** Somehow, through a series of increasingly egregious misunderstandings, Haru ends up with the news that Rin wanted to challenge him to a race—and if he lost, he wouldn't go to Australia.

( **The reality:** Rin had absolutely no intention of challenging Haru, and he had every intention of going to Australia regardless of the outcome of said non-existent challenge. Haru still doesn't know what the original message was supposed to be, and he almost doesn't want to know how it had ended up so badly twisted around.) 

In the end, Haru ends up revealing to Rin the news of the farewell party when trying to dissuade him from quitting swimming again—not that it spoils the actual surprise, thankfully. Through a bizarre turn of events, he ends up roped into a two-on-two race with Rin against the Mikoshiba brothers for the fast-food toy. Haru squares off against the elder Mikoshiba first, then Rin against the younger one. Rin and Haru win, but Rin gives Momotarou the toy anyway.

The actual surprise comes right after the race, when the lights suddenly flick off and a storm of inflatable floats rain down into the pool. With whoops and cheers, everyone from both the Iwatobi and Samezuka swim teams leap into the pool for one last hurrah together.

What ensues is a night of laughter, showdowns, arm-wrestling matches and a jacket-signing booth set up a safe distance from the pool. It makes sense why Rin’s teammates would sign the inside of his jacket with white marker, but Haru has not an inkling of how even he ends up with the names of everyone in Samezuka’s present team on his Team Iwatobi jacket too.

As surprisingly pleasant it is to have the eight Bonds thrumming with life in the back of his head, kind of like the closing of a full circle, the festivities are starting to wear Haru out. Surreptitiously, he slips under the water (which has been peacefully quiet, respecting his need for silence) and glides to the opposite end. he concentrates, and soon enough gills form in the sides of his neck. Now breathing comfortably underwater, he drifts around idly and enjoys feeling at one with the water.

Not that it lasts for long. The red Bond starts glowing brighter than the rest, and Haru doesn't have to turn around to know who's joined him.

“It’s your party, Rin,” he says after surfacing and closing up his gills. “Shouldn't you be there with the rest?”

Rin swims into Haru’s view, grinning. “Wanted to see where you were skulking off to.”

“I'm not skulking.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Uni’s starting pretty soon, isn't it? Shouldn't you be preparing to make the big move to the big city?”

“It’s fine,” Haru replies with a shrug. “I don't have a lot of things to move. You?”

Rin stares at him like he's an idiot. “Dude, I'm flying off tomorrow morning. What kind of disaster do you take me for?”

Haru returns the stare, and Rin flips him off.

“Actually, don't answer that. I don't care to find out.”

Rin is flying to Australia tomorrow. Or rather, he's flying _back_ to Australia—that fact is only just starting to truly sink in for Haru. He's going back there to continue pursuing swimming, but this time he’ll be living on his own in an apartment in the city instead of with Russell and Lori. Some things don't change, but nothing really stays the same.

And sudden fear grips Haru. He doesn't know why until the question leaves his lips.

“Will you be okay in Australia?”

Rin turns to look at Haru with a surprisingly soft and open smile. “Yeah, I will. I won't lie, it was kinda scary when we went together in August. But at the same time, I was able to handle it ‘cause I wasn't alone and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.”

“But you're going on your own this time,” Haru points out. And that is where his fear lies—that history will repeat itself. Maybe not the part where Rin was moonlighting as a crusader against illegal genetic-engineering organisations, but the other part where he had hit a wall and lost all hope of achieving his dreams. The person he was when he first returned to Japan two years ago—that isn't who he really is, at the heart of it all, and Haru doesn't know if he could handle it if Rin were to revert back to that state.

“Hey, what's with that attitude?” Rin’s smile morphs into his more characteristic shark-like grin. “I'm not gonna lose to you, Haru. Now that I know you're aiming to swim on the same stage as I am, I have no intention of giving up. My dream—it’s so close, I can feel it. It’s like if I reach just a little higher, I’ll be able to touch it. And I don't want to just touch it—I want to grasp and hold on to it. You up for that challenge?”

Haru rolls his eyes. It’s so _Rin_ of Rin to give a long romantic speech about the importance of chasing dreams like Haru hasn't already heard it a million times. “I want to swim, so I'm gonna swim,” he states, plain as day.

Rin’s grin widens. “The next time we see each other will be at the All-Japan Invitational tournament. That'll be our ticket to the international stage. I know I’ll see you there. All you have to do is keep on rising free, Haru.”

A small smile quirks at Haru’s mouth. Unlike Rin, he has no idea how far he’ll go. Chasing the peak of the swimming world has always been Rin’s dream, but for Haru… well, he wants to see how far he _can_ go. He wants to see more and more of those sights he could never have seen if he had never believed he could.

And all that was possible because Rin was there to forcibly drag Haru headfirst into it all, starting with that relay six—almost seven, now—years ago and culminating in their final battle against GREAT.

“See you there, Rin.”

* * *

After the chaos of organising Rin’s farewell party, boring reality returns. Haru and Makoto have a round of quick discussion before agreeing to use the ‘boyfriends’ label for simplicity’s sake (the actual discussion basically amounted to Makoto saying, “I really think we should just call each other boyfriends” and Haru replying, “Okay, do what you want”). Haru doesn't particularly care what other people think they are, but if it makes Makoto happy then all is okay in his world.

As for the actual move to Tokyo, their friends and family come to see them off. Rei, thankfully, isn't crying this time. Instead, he sends them off with a wide beam and wishes of the best of luck for their next chapter of their lives in Tokyo. Nagisa gives Haru and Makoto an Iwatobi-chan plushie each to “remind you of home whenever you get homesick!” Gou makes an earnest request for Haru to send her weekly “muscle updates” so she can “monitor his progress as a professional swimmer”, which Haru nonchalantly acquiesces to. Ran and Ren absolutely refuse to let go of Makoto, worried that the big bad city will permanently take him away from them. It’s only with the promise of souvenirs and weekly calls that the twins finally release him from their clutches.

Even Hayate shows up, much to Haru’s surprise since he had assumed the old man would be busy with the FREE shelters in Sweden or Australia or wherever. He hands Haru an old framed photograph of Chie (“I think she’d want to be with you every step of the way”). Haru gingerly places it in his bag the way one might handle a precious artifact, and he mentally notes to unpack that first when he gets to Tokyo. 

Hayate slaps Haru on the back, nearly sending him tumbling through the glass doors into the departure hall with his surprising-for-his-age strength, and promises to keep him updated about the progress of the FREE shelters (it seems to be going well so far, particularly after the Japanese Flash outed himself to the whole country—though that is an entire story on its own for another time).

All in all, it’s more than a little embarrassing and noisy to have such a huge entourage sending them off, but Haru wouldn't have it any other way. It’s going to be strange, having the purple and yellow Bonds grow dimmer over the distance between Tokyo and Iwatobi—especially the yellow one, because it’s been there right from the beginning.

But the green Bond will always be bright and active in the back of his mind. Right now, it’s by his side walking into the departure hall with him, so he thinks everything will be fine. Home is wherever the Bond is, be it in Iwatobi or Tokyo.

The days soon meld together into a near-surreal blur after Haru and Makoto land in Tokyo.

Tokyo is… weird, to say the least. It’s weird living in an apartment between a busy street and a swimming club, instead of in a house near a quiet shrine. It’s weird waking up and not smelling the sea breeze when opening the windows. 

Most of all, it’s weird to walk out of his apartment and remember that Makoto is now staying several bus stops away from him rather than just down the hill.

There will always be a part of him that longs for the simpler, more innocent days back in the comfortable small town of Iwatobi. There will always be days where anxiety has taken his chest hostage and he doesn't know if he can handle a life so vastly different from anything he has ever experienced before. The city is loud, bright and constantly filled with unfamiliar faces. Some nights, he can't fall asleep with all the restlessness around as well as inside him.

But he supposes change isn't always a bad thing. If he didn't believe he could make a ripple in what he had once thought was his predetermined fate, things would be much worse for him now. Wherever he would have been had GREAT won, one thing’s for sure: he wouldn't have chosen that place.

But in this life, he chose Tokyo, and he knows that is what matters.

And in this place he chose, he knows he can't stay still. In a world that can change its mind, throw random curveballs and turn on you at any moment, all he can do is take a deep breath, then continue to forge forward and believe in his strength—it didn't come easily, after all.

This is what Haru repeats to himself the day before he officially starts his life in university. When he meets up with Makoto in the evening to grab dinner together, small bouts of anxiety underlie the Bond. Perhaps it’s from the blue; perhaps it’s from the green. Most likely, though, it’s from both of theirs. It’s a new playing field for them both, after all.

But just seeing Makoto and feeling his Bond light up with that familiar hue of green has helped to soothe some of Haru's anxiety. Wherever he goes, that Bond will always be there; a little dimmer than usual when they're in different parts of the city, and luminous when they're together.

And it’s not just the green Bond—the others are a constant presence in the back of Haru’s mind. The purple, yellow, teal, orange and white ones are fainter, but they're there when Haru wants to find them. The red one is pretty much dormant—given the distance between Tokyo and Sydney—but unlike the first time Rin went to Australia, its presence feels more… well, _present._ Like Rin is making a conscious effort to remind Haru that he and his Bond are there, even when there are oceans and countries between them. In a new city filled with unfamiliar lights and sounds and crowds, the presence of the Bond is the one anchor Haru holds on to. Above all, he cherishes the Bonds and bonds he has forged through time, trials and fire.

During dinner, Haru and Makoto talk about everything and nothing in particular. Makoto talks about his new neighbours—a kind old woman who gave him a bowl of fruit when he first moved in, and her granddaughter who is a yaoi fangirl. He blushes as he recounts the granddaughter’s rather enthused sharing of her interests, and Haru listens quietly as he always does.

When Makoto turns the topic to Haru, though, Haru just shrugs. There isn't much to say about his neighbours, since they're just like him—boring university guys who prefer being holed up in their apartments rather than interacting with people.

Makoto laughs, a light and lilting sound. “Haru, you're anything but boring.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?” Haru asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Compliment, definitely. You're extraordinary. You're gonna do amazing things, Haru—things so amazing I don't even know how to describe them.”

“Is it just because you're lacking the creativity?”

“Hey!” Makoto exclaims indignantly. “I'm trying to encourage you. Besides, what exactly do you plan on accomplishing in university that requires me to have more ‘creativity’ in describing them?!”

A tiny teasing smile tugs at Haru’s lips. “I'm kidding. Go on.”

“I mean, that's the gist of what I wanted to say,” Makoto says, rubbing the back of his neck. “You're going to be fine. More than fine, actually. You're going to do incredible things, whatever it is, because I know you can.”

Coming from anyone else, Haru would probably scoff about them projecting their unrealistic, warped perceptions of him onto him.

But Makoto has never had unrealistic, warped perceptions of him. If he believes that strongly in Haru, then Haru ought to dignify that by doing the same. 

Haru rests his head in his head as he regards Makoto, taking in the green in his eyes and the soft smile curled on his lips. “Could say the same for you.”

“Ehh?” Makoto flinches. “I—I wouldn't be so sure. For all I know, there could be geniuses in my class. Or crazy professors. Oh god, I hope I don't get crazy professors. And the coursework sounds pretty tough, so—”

“Makoto. You're going to be fine, because I know you will be. It’s going to be tough, but so are you. You survived all the shit GREAT put you through—university is gonna be nothing.”

“Well, I wouldn't call it nothing,” Makoto demurs, though there's a tiny seed of confidence growing in the green Bond. “But thanks, Haru, for always being there for me.”

Haru rolls his eyes. Like there's anywhere else he'd rather be.

After paying the bill, they head back out into all the flashing lights and jostling crowds of Tokyo. Haru thinks he's at least starting to get somewhat accustomed to everything going on in this city, though there's still that teeny knot of anxiety in his chest. But with the anchor in his head and the steady presence that's been there his whole life by his side now, he thinks he can find some kind of solace amidst so much happening in Tokyo.

Haru’s phone buzzes at the same time as Makoto’s, and he's greeted by a series of text messages from Rei, Nagisa, Gou and Rin wishing them good luck for their first day at university tomorrow. He smiles to himself as he pockets his phone. He’ll reply to those messages later. Probably. If he doesn't fall asleep first.

Makoto chuckles at his screen as his fingers tap on his screen, so Haru assumes he's gotten similar messages of well wishes and good vibes from their friends too.

They continue walking down the street in comfortable silence, until they reach the intersection where they will be parting ways. Their footsteps stop at the same time. They've wandered the streets of Tokyo enough the past couple of weeks for them to know the drill: Makoto will be headed to the bus stop on the right to catch the bus back to his apartment building, while Haru will be going on ahead. It’s not that different from what it was like in Iwatobi—where the Tachibanas’ residence was on the second landing to the right, and Haru’s was further up the hill—but it’s also not completely the same. Nostalgia mixes with unfamiliarity—and Haru is suddenly struck with the desire to freeze time. To freeze and crystallise this moment right here, so he and Makoto can always be together. In this strange place that still doesn't entirely feel like home yet no longer feels like brand new territory, he wants to keep his one constant by his side.

Makoto opens his mouth, but Haru beats him to it.

“Don't say it.”

“Haru, you don't even know what I was about to—”

“Don't say goodbye,” Haru cuts in fiercely. “We’re just going to different universities. We’re not parting ways, not really.”

Makoto’s look of bewilderment is quickly replaced by understanding, then bittersweet wistfulness. “Yeah, I know,” he murmurs. “I know you're just a few bus stops away. Or a twenty-minute brisk walk if I feel like it.”

“And it’s not like this is a goodbye from everyone else back home or in Australia,” Haru continues. He isn't sure if he's saying it for his sake, Makoto’s sake, or both of theirs, but he just knows he _has_ to. “We’re all doing our own thing, but the Bond—it’ll always connect us. It’s proof that we were _there_ —there in each other’s lives. So just… It’s okay to be afraid. But don't let it control you. Just, like, believe. If you believe, you can do it. Or something like that. I mean, it worked for me, so yeah.”

Makoto smiles fondly at Haru. “Thanks. You pretty much just read my mind, ‘cause I was about to say something like ‘Ah, I’m kinda nervous about tomorrow’.”

“That's because you're predictable.”

“That's not a bad thing, is it?” Makoto asks worriedly.

“No. I like that about you.” Haru leans in and kisses Makoto. “Just breathe, okay? Keep breathing, even when your fear and anxiety make you think you can't. You're going to be fine, because you're Makoto.”

After all, when Makoto puts his mind to things, miracles happen. Like when they were nine and Makoto insisted that they join Iwatobi SC together, which led to them meeting Nagisa and Rin, and the rest was history. Or when he put all his heart and soul into teaching Hayato to swim, because he saw a bit of himself in that kid. Or when he decided Haru couldn't remain frozen in place as the world continued moving, resulting in that trip to Australia that changed the trajectory of Haru’s life for the better.

“You've made miracles happen in all our lives,” Haru says. “Now, go and make one for yourself.”

A light pink flush fills Makoto’s cheeks. His eyes are shining with the stars of Iwatobi and the city lights of Tokyo as he watches Haru. “See, no one believes me when I tell them you have a sweet side.” He reaches for Haru’s hand and gives it three strong squeezes. “And that miracle thing applies to you too. Superhuman-mermaid or not, Bond or not, you're already a miracle—the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Don't get too sappy on me now,” Haru mutters, heat rising up his neck, “or that thing from the movies will happen.”

“What thing?”

“You know, the main couple in the movie has a moment in the finale in a conveniently empty street with a conveniently romantic ambience and all that. They have a sappy conversation like we did just now, and the moment ends with them just frozen there. That's not gonna happen. We’re gonna keep moving forward and doing what we want. _‘Rising free’_ , as Rin would call it.”

“ _‘Rising free’._ I like the sound of that,” Makoto says, smiling. He glances down at his watch, then back at Haru’s face. “Well, since it’s getting late and you don't want us to stay frozen here, we should probably get going. Goodnight, Haru. I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

Haru tilts his head and kisses Makoto gently. “Yeah, see you. Night.”

After sharing another lingering kiss under the streetlamps, Haru listens as Makoto’s footsteps grow softer and eventually vanish into the distance. He turns, and his feet start taking him away from the spot he shared with Makoto, into the vast unknown that has begun the moment he first set foot in Tokyo.

But now, there's no weight like a farewell hanging over him anymore—unlike the six years he had spent suffering under the weight of a secret he couldn't tell anyone, especially not the one he loved the most, and thinking no one would hear him no matter how loud he screamed. 

Because, deep down in his soul which bears the tender handprints of his friends in Iwatobi, Australia and right here in restless Tokyo, he knows this is _not_ a goodbye.

_There won't be an end to us. Not now, not ever._

_Because we'll always be free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a big thank you to YOU who read this, all 280k words from the prologue to the epilogue. this was a story started on a whim and then spiralled way out of control. like, _way_ out of control. even so, i don't think this story is fully complete, in that there was still some stuff i wish i could've explored—like the new members of the Bond, as well as hayate and chie's past. who knows, maybe i'll upload a 'bonus' chapter about their past after this—so stay tuned, in case that does come!
> 
> i hope this fic has added something nice and positive to your life, and that you were able to take something away from it.
> 
> once more, thank you for reading! please leave some feedback if you enjoyed this—i'd love to hear your thoughts!! :D
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


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